The Slowest Burn
by TypoKween
Summary: "I don't even realize that the air has gotten hazy. Or that it smells like skunk, or that amidst the clouds of smoke, leaning against the wall is Edward Cullen." - AH, E/B, Lemons.
1. Suspicious Character

**Disclaimer: **I obviously do not own Twilight or else I would be too busy spending money and having sex with Rob to post fanfiction.

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you realize he's not just a one night stand.

**Ch. 1:** Suspicious Character

Everyone who is _anyone_ knows to meet at Giovanni's Pizzeria before a big game at Forks High.

Like clockwork, the football team floods in through the front door. Loud and rambunctious, they plant themselves at the back of the restaurant to wait out the cheerleaders, who gracefully take their rightful place at the popular table in the back. The other members of the high school elite are left on the fringe, circling the rest of the seats like vultures before finally landing in order of social importance. Everyone gossips, flirts and eats while deciding whose house to party at afterwards. Call it tradition if you want, but it happens every game night.

Tonight is no different.

It's cold when I step outside my best friend Rosalie's pearl colored Mercedes, and I immediately tug and pull at my short cheerleading skirt, futilely trying to obtain coverage against the bracing chill. I have Jasper Whitlock's letterman jacket on, but my legs are still freezing. I shiver as I pull the thick jacket around myself and scurry forward to follow behind Rosalie's golden mane. She turns to glance over her shoulder to see if I'm behind her and pauses to hold her hand out for me to take. When I do, she pulls me forward to link our arms together.

"Try not to dottle, bitch. We're late enough as it is," she huffs in exasperation before yanking me through the glass doors that lead into Giovanni's.

The atmosphere hits me like a slap to the face; the smell of cheese and pepperoni mixed with perfume and cologne, the loud, full laughter of my peers. This was a place of cheerful merriment, a veritable elixir of youth. I should be happy too, right? Everyone else seems to be. Why not me?

"Okay," suddenly Rosalie's mouth is at my ear as we near the athlete table, "there's Jasper at the end. Slip in beside him and play it cool. _Do not_ mention anything about giving his jacket back or even the fact that you have it on. Just be casual and…" she pauses to look down at me because she's so tall, "s_hit, _you're going to fuck this up, aren't you?" she frowns and shakes her head.

I roll my eyes and ignore her while I push my way through my fellow peers, smiling and saying hello whenever prompted. Happy face on, cheerleader Bella- _engage! _When I finally reach Jasper's side, he scoots over and gives me this knowing look. Like he knows we're going to be a couple by the end of the night. He'll probably throw a touchdown and point me out afterwards. He's known for it. It feels weird to look at him and see the rest of my senior year mapped out in front of me.

"Hey you," he winks at me, and to my utter shock, leans over to press his lips to my cheek. "For a minute, I didn't know if you were going to come tonight," he wears a half smirk while he says this and then grabs his drink from the table and chugs.

Wispy sandy strands, full luscious lips, soulful gray eyes and a stunning build is what makes Jasper Whitlock a total babe. Throw in the fact that he's rich, privileged and the town's star quarterback, and you have Fork High's most eligible bachelor. He could solidify my spot at the top of the totem pole.

I may be a cheerleader that hangs out with the popular crowd and is invited to all the cool parties, but in no way do I get red carpet treatment at school or the same respect either. I'll never really _be _one of _them_. Not even being Rosalie Hale's best friend could help me when it came to the constant cold shoulders I received from the rest of the cheer squad.

I wasn't rich, I didn't grow up in wealth and I never descended a staircase at a debutante ball. My dad is Charlie Swan, the town Chief of Police—population… embarrassingly low. In fact, I didn't even _grow up _in Forks. I grew up in Arizona with my mother until I hit puberty and we became mortal enemies up until she met 'the one,' in which case I was shipped off to live with my dad while she played house with her new husband.

My first year in Forks was a blur because _I _was a blur. I was invisible. I was quiet and mousy and sometimes, even now, I still am. I didn't mind at first, but eventually I got tired of having no friends and nothing to do on the weekends. I also got tired of my dad always asking me why I was home all the time and my mom's constant nagging about _her _popular days in high school.

The only easy way _in _for me was through cheerleading, because there was no way in hell that I would have gotten a football player to date me back then. In Phoenix, I was an excellent gymnast. So naturally, I knew I could flip around in a mini skirt easily. All I had to do was be enthusiastic about it, right?

Rosalie Hale, one of the most popular girls in school, didn't even know who I was until I walked into tryouts that day two years ago and floored her and her co-captain with my routine. It was truly a surreal experience, that try out was. I'd felt like Eliza Dushku in _Bring It On! _because no one had voted me in except for Rose. She hadn't been cheer captain yet because she was only a sophomore like me at the time, but she was still being groomed for the throne.

So, when the cheer captain turned to her and asked what she thought, Rose then turned to me and said with a gleam in her blue eyes, "Y_ou're in_. _Welcome to popularity, sweetheart._"

And I was.

-x-

"Hey Belly Boo," Emmett McCarty's dimpled face comes into view over Jasper's shoulder.

I'm momentarily disoriented because I have no idea where I am. Then I remember its game night and I'm in my cheer uniform. I flinch when I suddenly feel warm fingers trickle up my thigh, and my eyes immediately dart to Jasper.

For a second, I can't believe I'm here. I used to have the hugest crush on Jasper when I was a freshman and sophomore. Back then he was dating Maria Santos, a girl who would ultimately dump him the morning she graduated Forks High. It was actually kind of sad, because he'd been really heartbroken. I'd never seen a guy cry before that day.

So now he's free to touch who he wants, and he wants to touch _me _of all people.

"Hey Emmy," I call back to my big bear of a friend. He has it bad for Rose, but she'll never date a jock. He knows that, but he still dreams. "Good luck tonight," I smile over at him and ignore the fact that Jasper's hand is traveling higher under my shirt.

"Don't need it babe," Emmett winks playfully, "we always beat La Push." He turns around and starts talking to his teammates again, leaving me alone with Jasper and his wandering fingers, which are now dangerously close to the promised land.

I suck in a quick breath which makes him chuckle like I've done something cute. "Jas…" I gulp and close my eyes while his fingers trace circles on the inside of my right thigh.

I feel his breath at my ear, then behind my ear and then down my neck. I shiver at the sensation- it feels _really _good when he does that. Then I remember we're in a room full of people who are probably pretending not to see what's going on between us. But I know that come Monday morning? Everyone at school will assume we hooked up.

Actually, we probably will. Rosalie says I need to lose my virginity before I become a prude. She thinks Jasper is perfect for the job. It's funny because before I knew him on a personal level, I used to fantasize about him doing just that. Taking my virtue. Defiling my innocence. Making me a woman…

…But not here.

"Jasper, stop," I whimper and turn my face to look at him.

He's so close our noses touch and it should be romantic and cute and I should blush, but I'm fucking terrified in that moment. My heart feels like it's going to burst through my chest. It's suffocating in the restaurant and I feel like I can't breathe. My eyes dart around in search of Rosalie but she's nowhere to be found, not that she'd come and rescue me or anything. She'd be pissed if I ruined this opportunity.

"What?" he whispers against my cheek and presses a soft kiss there. "What's wrong?" his voice is low and thoughtful but I know he honestly doesn't care.

He thinks I'm just nervous, which I probably am. His hand slides out from beneath my skirt and reaches up to cup my face. "Hey," he says to me more softly than before.

I gulp and stare at my hands in my lap. If I look up, we'll kiss. If we kiss, we're together. Everyone knows Jasper is a relationship kind of guy. He doesn't do casual dating, he skips the entire 'talking' process and dives straight into coupledom. How do I know if I even _want _that? I start trembling slightly, and I think Jasper thinks it's because I'm turned on. So he buries his nose in the crook of my neck and then I feel something warm and wet and—_oh my god!_

"Jasper!" I yelp at him when I realize he's just licked me.

He laughs softly at me and brushes my hair from my face, "Relax babe, I won't do anything naughty in front of everyone. I promise," he smirks and kisses the tip of my nose, "but you're just so damn sexy in that skirt," his eyes travel down to my exposed legs.

I don't take compliments very well, so I blush and turn my head to look anywhere else but at him. Luckily, Emmett chooses right then to ask him about the game tonight and Jaspers attention switches to captain mode. His hand, however, goes back to my leg and lingers there without movement except for his thumb which strokes my skin over and over again.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and when I open them, I swear to god my entire body freezes in place. Messy bronze hair, piercing green eyes, hard scowl on his face…

_Edward Cullen._

He scares the ever-loving shit out of me. The last time I had seen him, he was beating some guy close to death while everyone else cheered the fight on. I'd been so disgusted that I left without ever remembering I was the DD that night.

From now on, every time I see him, I can only ever think of that night and the way his eyes had gone black with rage. Right now he's talking to two other guys that I know are Royce King and Jacob Black. It's rare to see either of them without the other. They live in La Push, but have a loyal 'customer' base here in Forks.

"Oh, _shit yeah_. Cullen's here," I hear someone say with a mixture excitement and relief. Clearly, someone needs their next fix. I turn to see who it is, but suddenly Rosalie materializes beside me and pulls me up to my feet.

"I'm ready to go," she says in bored tones, but her eyes keep flickering to where Royce King is leaning against the jukebox in the middle of the room.

I stare at Royce for a second and sure enough, lightening fast, his eyes land on Rosalie before looking away. My fingers are curling around Rose's wrist and I'm pulling her outside the restaurant faster than you can say _what the fuck?_

Which is exactly what I say when we're both outside and beside her car.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she rolls her eyes and unlocks the doors to her car with the click of a button, "get in or we'll be late."

I laugh and slide into the passenger seat, but I'm not giving up. So I ask again, only I'm more clear this time. "What is going on between you and Royce King?"

"Oh my god, you're delusional," she snorts as she pulls out of the parking lot and onto the street. "_Nothing, _Bella. There is _nothing _going on between me and freaking _Royce King_," she laughs as if it's absurd I would even dare to ask.

I bite my tongue and let it go. For now. She knows better than to mess with guys like Royce. He'd use her and spit her out. I'd be the one left picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together again. We stop at a red light close to school and I roll down my window and lean my head against the frame so that I can stick my face outside.

I hear the rumble of a classic black 1967 Chevy Impala. I know it because my dad pulls it over frequently. Which is why I also know it belongs to Edward Cullen. It rumbles idly beside us, with its enhanced Coke bottle styling and a V8 engine loud enough to make my body vibrate in Rosalie's car. I smell cigarette smoke and know that if I were to open my eyes right now I'd be at eye level with Cullen. We don't know each other, but I know _of _him. I've been _around _him. I've seen him at parties, I've even shared a blunt with him and three of my friends once upon a time. Despite that encounter, I don't know him enough to open my eyes and casually say hello.

No matter how bad a part of me wants to.

He revs his engine hard enough to make it growl irritatingly loud and I know he's doing it on purpose. He wants attention. So I pull back into the car and roll the window up. I can smell the diesel fuel injection mixed with weed and tobacco. My nose wrinkles up, and when I finally look at him he's staring right the fuck at me. I try to look away but it's like I'm paralyzed. I literally can't remove my eyes from his. He licks his lips and takes a drag from his cigarette, all the while never looking away from me. Then he flicks it outside his car and leans forward outside his window to wink at me before the light turns green and he peels out.

I gasp and turn my head to see that Rosalie's been watching the entire time.

"I'm sorry, but," she blinks back at me and scoffs, "what the _fuck_?"

-x-

I'm in the middle of a kick twist basket toss during the big game when I realize that I forgot to put on my fucking bloomers before I left the house. I'm supposed to kick one leg up then twist my body into a cradle position, I usually like to show off and twist around twice. But instead I yelp and push my skirt back down before balling up and landing into one of the male cheerleader's arms.

Rosalie will have my ass for this.

"It was nice knowing you, Swan," Liam, the guy who caught me, snickers and places me back onto the ground. I cringe and pull my underwear out of my ass as discreetly as possible before trying to slip away towards the locker room unnoticed. I fail miserably.

"What the fuck, Bella?" Rosalie shouts so loud she draws the attention of some of the people in the stands. "I hope you don't plan to go to nationals with that shit, because I will replace your ass faster than Kobayashi can eat a hotdog."

I cringe at the mental image she's put into my head and back away slowly. "Do you have an extra pair of spanks for me?"

Her arms cross over her well endowed chest and she sighs in exasperation, "In my locker at the very top. I swear Bella, I don't get where the hell your head is at sometimes."

My lips are pressed together too tightly to give her even a fraction of a smile so instead I just turn around and jog to the locker rooms. I know that the rest of the squad is more than likely talking shit about me right now. I really fucked that last stunt over and Rose didn't give me a fraction of the hell she would have given anyone else on the squad.

Inside the locker room the lights are dim because no one is back here. It looks like the makings of a thriller movie so I quickly spin the dial on Rose's locker and fling it open. I'm not prepared for a shitload of junk to fall out and at my feet. I end up squealing and jumping backwards where the bench is and when it hits the backs of my calves I fall and end up on my ass. My lower back stings painfully and my ass is completely numb, I groan and pull myself back up to access the damage. My right elbow is already bruising and hurts to bend. The backs of my knees are red which will probably result in more bruises.

"_Shit_," I curse out loud and slowly try to get back up before I start to gather the shit that's fallen out of the locker. Rosalie's nasty little secret is that she's really fucking messy. At my feet, I find empty bags of Oreos, Chips A'hoy, Doritos and Cheetos amongst a sports bra, two under shirts and a pair of tights. I even see an empty pregnancy box and a bottle of mouth wash.

At this point I start to play _which one of these things _does not_ belong?_

The clothes, I throw back inside the locker without a second thought. I crumble the pregnancy test box up into a tight ball and stick it at the bottom of the trashcan in the restroom area. I shove the mouth wash up top and pull out the extra pair of spanks that I slide up my legs and over my ass. I slam her locker door shut and start to count the number of junk food wrappers in my hands. It's not a number worth repeating, it's too many.

I know a normal girl would just laugh this off and tease her friend about a sweet tooth, but those girls would be the shallow ones like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory. The ones who over looked the fact that Rosalie is a calorie counting Nazi come lunch time. So no, this is not something to laugh off and forget about. The mouthwash starts to make sense.

My hands clench into fists around the empty food wrappers and I storm to the nearest garbage can and throw them inside. I don't care when a few of them don't make it all the way inside and ignore the huge _GO GREEN! _sign. I'm so pissed right now that when I slam the locker room doors open and storm down the hall towards the football field, I don't even realize that the air has gotten hazy. Or that it smells like skunk, or that amidst the clouds of smoke, leaning against the wall is Edward Cullen.

I come to a complete stop two feet in front of him and blink in confusion. What the hell is he doing back here? Who is he waiting for? Why is he smoking _here _of all places where anyone could walk by and turn back around to tell a teacher? Is he crazy? The image of his blind rage at that last party I'd seen him at flits behind my lashes and I take a small step back. My eyes dart around in search of someone, _anyone _else that might increase my chances of not being attacked by this guy. My sudden irrational fear makes him chuckle as he sucks on the last of his joint.

I don't say anything and neither does he. My feet don't move when he pushes off the wall and advances towards me achingly slow. I watch his cheeks hallow out and his lips purse before he blows his smoke directly into my face. Immediately I flinch and start to cough, waving a hand in front of my face before I quickly pull myself together and scowl at him.

"What the hell?" I snap.

He smirks and reaches into the inside of his leather jacket to pull out a pack of cigarettes. His eyes never leave my face as he smacks the top of the box against his palm before taking one out and igniting the end. I anticipate for him to blow it in my face again, but instead he moves close and raises his chin so that he exhales skyward. His eyes are still on me as they travel up and down my body deliberately slow.

My heart is hammering away inside my chest. I'm nervous, that's for sure. I feel like I did when Jasper's hand was on my leg earlier. But only this time it's like a fire has been lit beneath my skin. He reaches his free hand out and curves a knuckle down the side of my face. I gulp and hold my breath, too afraid that it will come out shaky and he'll know how he's affecting me right now.

"I waited for you," he says unexpectedly. I turn away from his hand and quickly his fingers wrap around my chin to bring my face back around. "Were you playing me?" he snaps and just like that I'm scared again. He sees how wide my eyes snap open and releases my chin only to cradle my face between his hands, "Hey, " he mutters softly and flicks his cigarette to the floor, "I'm sorry."

I shake my head and feel my throat tighten up. I keep playing that scene in my head over and over with him and that poor guy. A guy who had every right to come and talk to me that night because we went to the same school. For all intensive purposes _he _was who I was supposed to talk to that night. I'd actually been invited to that party because of him. Rose had set it up, but he was late and I had waited for 45 fucking minutes before I went out back and bummed a cigarette from some guy… a guy who ended up being Edward fucking Cullen.

"I don't even know you," I push away from him, "you freaked me the hell out that night, Cullen." I pause and take a deep breath. Rose will come looking for me soon if I don't go back out to the field.

"But that guy—"

"I'm not your girlfriend!" I shout at him.

His eyes darken and his jaw clenches in the same way it had that night when he'd told Mike Newton to get the fuck away from me. I take a step away from him and then another and right when I'm about to turn and jog back out to the field, I'm jerked backwards and slammed up against the concrete wall.

"Do you…" he pauses and buries his face in my hair while his hands squeeze my waist almost painfully. "Do you have any idea how long I've-" he exhales a shaky breath and slides one of his hands up my waist and over my breasts to cup my face and tilt my face towards his.

I know he means to kiss me, just like Jasper had when we were at Giovanni's. And just like at Giovanni's I know that if I kiss Cullen right now we'll be together. Because I don't know who Cullen is, but I know he's intense and completely possessive and territorial. I've watched him over the years, unintentionally picking up on his habits. I remember that night, the same way I remember how his lips felt against mine and how his mouth tasted. What it feels like when he bunches my breasts up in his hands. I suddenly have a hard time breathing.

"I have to go," I mutter truthfully.

He slides his nose down the side of my face and hovers his lips over mine. "No you don't," he whispers without kissing me.

"Yes I do. Please let me go," I beg him with my eyes clenched shut. "I can't do this right now, okay? I just—_oh!_" I gasp when he thrusts his hips against me and I feel every inch of him pressed along my body. I open my eyes and whimper every time he rubs against me with his hips, causing enough friction between us to start a fire.

"If I see him touch you like that again?" his eyes stare daggers at my own before he leans down and whispers into my ear, "I will break his throwing arm."

I freeze in his arms. He pulls back and I see that his face has morphed into something that slaps my mouth shut tight. There is so much raw hate and anger. Possession and jealousy. On what grounds does he even have the right to feel these sorts of emotions? It scares me.

Would he really hurt Jasper? I close my eyes and breathe through my nose. Of course he would. My eyes are still closed when I feel Cullen's fingers slide around my neck and then up into my hair to cradle the back of my head. I allow my lashes to flutter closed and breathe through my parted lips slowly. I can feel his breath on my face and then his nose at my temple. We exhale together and he moves to press his forehead is against mine. It's calming and alarming at the same time—intense. I clutch at the front of his shirt and suddenly my bottom lip is between his teeth.

I moan like the little closet whore that I am and let go of my inhibitions, there is no use trying to sprinkle water over a blaze this strong. I crash my mouth against his and suck his tongue into my mouth. My left leg rises up to curl around the back of his thigh to pull him closer to me. He grunts and rubs his jean covered hard on against my lower abdomen which turns me right the fuck on because I want it in my mouth. Either there, or lower down between my legs that currently want to spread like fucking peanut butter.

What the fuck? How does he do that? I'm a virgin, a fucking prude and yet I'm more than ready to fuck Cullen right here in the hall at school. The crowd outside roars and I hear the announcer shout out that someone's made a touchdown. But all I comprehend is the fact that Cullen now has one of his hands grabbing my ass and the other is still in my hair.

"Let's get out of here," he whispers against my lips. "If we don't leave now, I'm going to rip your panties off and fuck you right up against this wall," he's panting and rubbing and I'm hot and bothered and I want him everywhere. His words make my body shiver because I know he's not lying to me. His hand leaves my ass and I frown against his lips because I want it back, but then I feel the tips of his fingers teasing me in the hottest and wettest spot between my legs.

"Oh _fuck_," I cry out and it echoes in the empty hallway.

My moaning just makes him grind into me harder and now we're both panting and biting and grabbing and stroking. His fingers go from feather light teases to forceful rubbing and I find that I want to do the same thing to him. So I do, I take one of my hands from his wild hair and slide it down his chest while we're still going at it crazily like two horny ass teenagers. He groans when my fingers tug at his belt and he pulls back a bit so that I can pull at it and then one of his fingers makes it way past my bloomers and my underwear and _OH GOD!_

"_Edward_," I exhale his name shakily and press my forehead into his shoulder. I shudder and rub myself against his finger harder and faster and then suddenly there's a loud sound that's coming from his back pocket.

"Ignore it," he says against my mouth and tries to slip another finger but then there's a voice calling his name and I quickly shove him as far away from me as I can. My eyes dart around wildly in search of the owner of the voice and Cullen curses under his breath.

"I'll be out in a minute!" he shouts down the hall.

"Well hurry the fuck up! We just beat the shit out of Forks, man! Jake was fucking amazing out there! We're getting him wasted then we're getting him laid, he deserves it."

_Royce. _My eyes widen when I realize that I've missed the whole second half of the fucking football game. Why the hell hadn't Rose come looking for me? I try to slip away, but Cullen's hand is on my wrist gripping me hard as he pulls me over to him.

"Where are you going?" his eyes narrow at me.

I scoff and brush my hair from my face, "Where do you think?"

His face hardens. "I wasn't fucking around when I said I'd break his arm if he touches you again."

I gulp and nod my head because right then all I want is to get the hell away from him and out of this hallway. He presses something small and solid into my hand and lifts my head with a finger under my chin, "I'm coming back for this," he says and then shoves his tongue in my mouth to kiss me breathless before he's off following the direction Royce was at.

I take in a shaky breath and look down to see that he's given me his phone.


	2. Gold Gun Girls

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Twilight… or Rob's peen—_damn Kristen's stingee ass._

**AN:** Special thanks to my beta, muse and bff, Jess. You were right, that stuff does need to be saved for later. Also a special thanks to shelikesthesound, she recommended this fic on twitter and is all around awesome. And also thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, story altered and lurked! ;)

**Warning: **From this point on… shit gets real. Thanks for reading!

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you're caught redhanded.

**Ch. 2:** Gold Gun Girls

There's a party at Jessica Stanley's house tonight after the game. Last week, it was at the house of another cheerleader. Coincidentally, that also happened to be the exact location where Mike Newton had his face smashed in. By some fucking miraculous twist of fate, no one knows I had anything to do with it. Apparently, Mike owed Edward money. Problem solved.

Rosalie keeps staring at me and not saying anything. She didn't even yell at me when I walked out on to the field after the game was over. I haven't seen or heard from either Jasper or Emmett since the game ended. I don't even know if they plan to show up tonight. I'm pretty sure they're probably really upset about the loss.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

Edward's phone buzzes inside my back pocket and I flinch. It's been going off almost nonstop since he left it with me. I want to look at it badly, but I'm almost positive that there's a screen lock. Besides, I don't know how I'll feel if I see a text message from another girl. Cullen has a reputation after all, which is partly why I'm so terrified for anyone to know I'm associated with him.

Nice, pure and quiet Bella Swan does not hang out with loud and violent assholes like Edward Cullen, which was why I didn't like the way Royce King was looking at Rosalie earlier. I know I'm a hypocrite, but I'm not as important as she is. Rosalie Hale is the girl that _all _girls strive to be, and the one that all the guys want to deserve. At least, what Rose shows everyone is what they _think_ that they want.

I'm delving too deep into this. I have to stop or else I'll give myself an ulcer.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

I'm leaning up against the farthest wall from the front door with my head in the clouds and my ass on vibrate when Rose shoves a red plastic cup into my hands. "Here," she says and leans against the wall beside me.

"What is it?" I grimace when I bring it to my nose and sniff. It's a reddish liquid that I think is vodka and cranberry, but with Rose, I can never be sure. She likes to add certain party favors to the mix without telling people sometimes. She thinks it's funny. But it's not.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't worry, it's not spiked. I learned my lesson the last time."

Suddenly I remember one night that I ran across the football field sprinklers in only my underwear. My eyes peek down at the cup again in hesitation. I know she wouldn't lie to me, but I can't help it if my brain isn't as sure as I'm telling it to be. I sigh and tip the cup back as I take a long and swift drink. I'll need the after effects soon anyway. If Cullen's phone keeps a steady rhythm in my back pocket I might just get a free ass massage. I smirk at my inside joke and switch the phone over to my other pocket so as to balance out the fun.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

Unfortunately, that's when Rosalie's eyes chose to zone in and her hand darts out to grab my wrist and pull it up so that she can see Edwards phone. "What the hell is this?" she shrieks at me.

I try to pull back but she's freakishly strong right now. "Let go," I grimace and yank myself free of her rock solid grip. "Boo, you whore. That hurt!" I scowl at her and cradle my injured wrist to my chest.

"Whose phone is this?" she demands for me to answer her truthfully.

I know that I'm going to tell her everything eventually anyway, so I sigh and slump my shoulders. "It's Edward Cullen's phone," I mumble.

"I knew it," she scoffs and with her hands on her hips she stares me down. "How long?" she replies through gritted teeth.

"Huh?" she's confused me now.

Her face grows red, "You and Cullen," she growls impatiently. "How long have you been fu—"

"It's not like that!" I fling myself from the wall and practically scream at her.

She flies forward and is now in my face, "Shut your mouth before someone hears you."

Both our eyes look around the room, and yes, we've drawn a small crowd, but they're pretending to be interested in Tyler Crowley who is doing a keg stand. My eyes go to the back door and then back at Rose, who nods her head before heading outside with me. I wait for her to come out before I slide the glass door shut behind her.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

"Are you still a virgin?" she blurts out before I can do or say anything else.

My mouth drops open in shock. It's so something she would say but I'm not prepared to hear it outright. She's always so freaking forward while I like to beat around the bush. How we are best friends, I will never know.

"Well?" she shoves my shoulder to get me to start talking.

Exasperated beyond belief, I hold my hands out as if I'm presenting myself to _The Price is Right_ and snap, "Do I _look_ like someone who's finally had sex?"

She pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth and chews quietly, "Then why are you and Cullen…" she pauses, "you and Cullen?"

I drag my fingers through my hair and bunch it up at my roots in frustration. "I am so fucking confused, Rose. I don't even know where to begin." My voice grows shaky at the end and I wobble over to the pool area in Jessica's backward and plop down on a lounge chair.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

I'm almost ready to throw this fucking thing into the deep end of the pool in front of me. _Seriously. _I can't believe someone could be in such high demand as Edward Cullen. _Bzzt. Bzzt._

"Have you guys…" Rosalie trails a fingers over the arm of her chair, "done anything else?"

I breathe through my nose really loud, "Not really? I mean, we've kissed and touched but—" I stop talking when I think about where his finger had been a few hours before I was sitting where I am now. I look up to meet Rose's intense stare, and decide I'm not to tell her until I know where I stand with Cullen. "But that's it," I finish with a mumble and stare down at his phone on my lap.

"When did this start? How long has it been going? Does anyone else know?" she blurts out question after question before gasping and sitting up straight in her chair, "Oh my god! Is he the reason you were so fidgety about Jasper?"

I groan and shake my head, "No."

She frowns and tilts her head so that her beautifully silky blonde hair slides off her shoulder. "Then what's going on, Bell?"

She sounds so concerned that it makes me feel _really_ bad. But what the hell am I supposed to say? I don't _know _anything. _Bzzt. Bzzt._ _Ugh! _I grip his phone in my hand tightly and try to calm my breathing. How does he not flip out and break this thing?

_Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt._

"_Stupid fucking phone!_" I scream, and I'm just about on the verge of tossing it when Rosalie suddenly shouts that's it's _my _phone that's buzzing like crazy. I drop Cullen's phone in order to grab mine and thoughtlessly answer it without checking the caller id. "_What?_" I hiss as a greeting.

"Whoa," Jasper exhales with a whistle, "what's up with you?"

I so don't need this right now. "Oh, hey Jas." Inwardly I groan, and outwardly I just close my eyes and shake my head. Why me? Why _now? _

"Hey," he sounds much more cheerful than I'd expect from someone who has just lost the first game of the season. "So, uh, where are you?" he clears his throat and I hear someone coughing in the background followed by soft laughter. No wonder he's so fucking calm and aloof. He's high.

"Babe?" Jasper questions my silent end of the line. For some reason it really irritates me that he calls me babe when for the past three years he barely paid attention to me. Now all of the sudden I'm 'babe' and 'baby' and 'sexy.' I never thought the day would come where I _didn't _want to hear those words come out of his mouth in regard to me.

"Bella!" Rosalie suddenly slaps my leg, and it stings, because it's cold outside and I'm still in my damn cheerleading skirt. Apart from forgetting my bloomers at home, I also left a change of clothes. All that is in my bag are pajamas and my toothbrush for when I sleep over at Rose's house tonight.

"Oh," I clear my throat, "um.. what?" I ask him. I've completely forgotten what the hell he asked me.

His soft laugh is raspy and it sounds kind of sexy, but then I gulp because it reminds me of the way Edward laughs at me. Or when he taunts me or tries to intimidate me. When I shiver and bite my lip to keep from moaning and he laughs from deep in the back of his throat and I can feel it in his chest because it's pressed against mine and—

"Where are you?" Jasper asks again.

_Bzzt. Bzzt. _Cullen's phone goes off again.

"I'm ah…" I clear my throat a second time, "I'm at Jessica's house. You know. At her… party?" _Fuck, _I'm a such a shitty mess. Why do I feel so damn guilty? And who do I feel guilty for? Jasper or Edward?

"Sorry I'm not there," he explains, and he actually sounds sorry, "but a lot of us guys just didn't feel like celebrating much tonight. 'Cause of… you know." Now he sounds embarrassed and angry at the same time. Wow, I didn't even know that was possible.

"But you can come here," he says hopefully.

I chew on my lip nervously, "Where is 'here'?" I ask him warily. Why it is that I'm even asking him this is beyond me. I've been warned to stay the fuck away from him, per a sexily psychotic Cullen.

"Uhh…" he trails off and for as minute I think I've lost him to the dark side of marijuana. "Emmett's house." I turn to see Rosalie bobbing her head up and down. She wants to go. It's fucking boring here without the guys anyways. _Bzzt. Bzzt._

"Yeah," I bit out uncomfortably, "yeah alright, I'll see you there. I've got Rose with me."

"Alright then, I'll see you in a few." I can feel his grin from where I am now.

I start to fidget even more, "Yep. Okay, uh… bye."

_Click_. I don't even give him a chance to respond. I stare at Rosalie with big wide eyes as she puts her hands first on my arms, and then on my shoulders, before she suddenly slaps me upside my head. "Get it together, bitch!" she shouts in my face and yanks me up to my feet with her.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

Oh, for the love of sweet baby Jesus! Does he even _know _that many people? Wait, he's dealer. I snort to myself and shake my head. _Of course _he knows that many people. _Bzzt. Bzzt._ I whip the phone out to stare at the screen which is locked but also has one of those pop-ups that alerts the owner that they have… 5 missed calls? 4 Picture messages. 2 Facebook notifications. And 11 text messages.

I've only had his phone for close to two hours.

"That's in-fucking-sane," Rosalie comments over my shoulder.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

I roll my eyes as yet another text message pulls up and for about 30 seconds the screen shows us a preview of the message. It reads: _U want 2 ignore me after last nite? FINE! But don't come knocking my door at 3 am bcuz ur lonely bcuz I am so over it!_

I blink and read it two more times before it fades back to the locked screen. I don't recognize the name, but it's female. Cullen was with a girl last night? What were they doing? It was late. What did I _think _they were doing? Playing cards? How stupid and naïve can I be? I shake my head and give the phone to Rosalie who just looks at me in confusion.

"Free phone," I say to her.

She frowns and looks down at the device in her hands, "Maybe…"

I snort and shake my head, "This is exactly why I was being such a bitch about the very idea of you and Royce."

She rolls her eyes and makes this weird gurgling sound to show me she's frustrated. "Oh my Buddha! I _told _you there was nothing going on between us! So I checked him out and he caught me, and then he checked me out back! He's a fox, Bell. I can look, okay? I know I can't touch."

I nod my head because, damn her, she's right. I was the one who looked and touched. I touched too much and now I'm fucked. But whatever, it was one night and it was one lost moment in a dark hallway at school. He's a pusher and a loser and he scares the hell out of me anyways.

"I'm sorry babe," Rose links her arm with mine and leads me to the back gate so that we can slip out unnoticed. She puts her head on my shoulder and I nod and touch my head to hers as we walk to her car. I hate that I even care about anything that has to do with that bastard. I have a perfectly good replacement waiting for me at Emmett's house.

Only an idiot wouldn't jump on that.

-x-

I've taken the battery out from Cullen's phone so I don't have to hear it anymore. I'll figure out how to get it back to him later. Right now I'm waiting for the purple kush to kick in. My mouth is dry because I have cottonmouth. Jasper's lazily spread out across a couch in Emmett's basement and I'm casually spread out across him. My back is to his chest and our legs are tangled while he slowly plays with my hair and it makes me want to curl up into him like a kitten.

Somewhere upstairs there's a crash and I hear Rosalie's shrill laughter soon after. Emmett yells something and then there's more laughter. She only laughs like that around Emmett, and I wish she'd break her "no jocks" rule. He'd make her so damn happy.

Jasper's hands are getting brave again. He keeps running his hands up and down my arms and casually his fingers linger a bit to caress the sides of my breasts. Won't lie. It feels pretty damn good when he does that.

We've been lying like this on the couch in Emmett's basement for a few minutes now. Em and Rose went back upstairs not so discreetly when Jasper "had something caught in his throat" and kept coughing and staring at Emmett.

He wants to fool around.

I'm high and I'm tipsy. I'm not down to fuck, but I'm okay for some heavy petting. I giggle to myself as his hands move over my arms, because he gets braver with every stroke. Soon he's touching the skin between my top and my skirt. He pushes his fingers high and higher until the thing is bunched up under my breasts, and his breath is at my ear and then he's kissing my neck. I know what I have to do next. Rosalie told me that guys like when the girl takes a little control. Not too much, but enough to seem sexy and spunky.

I am not sexy, nor am I spunky. But I've had no complaints in the past—mind you, I've only ever had four other worthwhile sexual encounters. My sophomore year at my first party when James Gigandet and I dry humped in one of the empty rooms upstairs, and last year with James after he broke up with Victoria and I jerked him off and let him cum on my stomach after he fingered me. And the other two were both with Cullen.

So far, he's wiped out the competition.

I'm actually a little eager to see how Jasper does in this department. I'm nowhere near as experienced in this department as he is. He's been with Maria for almost three years and everyone knew she was a total freak nasty kind of girl. Oh great, now I've made myself nervous.

I sit up quickly and it throws Jasper off balance. He looks up at me with anxious eyes because he thinks I'm going to bolt. So, I turn around and straddle him before leaning over to kiss him. The grin on his face could light up Disneyland.

"Oh, fuck yes," he whispers just before plunging his tongue down my throat. My god, he is eager. I almost choke from the lack of oxygen he's allowing me. "Take your top off," he mutters against my lips. It's very forward of him and when I stop kissing him, he adds, "If you want to…"

Damn he's cute. The lights in the room are dim because there are three light settings and its on the lowest one. I can barely see what's in front of me, but I know that his eyes are blue and they make me think of green ones with little specks of hazel and _shit! Fuck! No, not now!_

I will _not _think about Cullen when I am with Jasper. Cullen is an asshole and a player. Jasper is nice and loyal. He's adorable.

"There's a zipper in the back," I say softly, "can you…?"

"Y-yeah—yes. Yes, I will unzip it for you."

See? Adorable.

My bra is white and lacy and I'm really glad it's dark in here because it's a really old bra. It's, like, the most comfortable fucking bra I own. I can't part with it. But, I'm sure that's the last thing in his mind right now anyways.

He unzips the back of my uniform really slowly and his eyes are on mine the entire time. It's so hot that it makes me breathe harder, and before I know it, I'm starting to get wet. Without thinking, I kind of press myself onto his lower stomach and gasp at how good it feels to rub myself against his jeans. His eyes widen and then he's pulling my top off and tossing it to the side.

"You're really fucking hot, you know that?" his voice is deep and raspy.

I shake my head so my hair flutters out and falls down around my shoulders. He tries to reach up and push it behind my ear but I dive forward and kiss him. I lick his top lip with the tip of my tongue and then I lick both of his lips and he groans. He opens his mouth and I whimper and grind myself against his jeans again before moving lower so I can feel how hard he is underneath them.

I've heard rumors that Jasper is pretty well endowed. Apparently Maria was going around once blabbing about it to whoever would listen. I kind of can't wait to see it. It feels really damn good being rubbed against my panty covered pussy. I moan and grind into him, thinking we're going to dry hump and I take the hand he has on my face and put it on my left tit. I squeeze his hand over mine and lift my hips up before grinding them back down onto him.

"Shit, Bella," he pants and fumbles with the back of my bra. Its off and he covered one perk nipple with his wet mouth and I gasp and rub against him harder. "Stop doing that," he growls, "you're gonna make me cum and I want to do that inside you."

"Mmm, mmm," I shake my head to tell him no. "We're not having sex."

"We're not?" he sounds disappointed, but he's still touching my tits and kneading the peaks so that he can pinch them every so often. Every time he does that it sends a shockwave straight down to my lady parts.

"No," I grab his face with my hands, "we're not. Not tonight."

This puts a smile back onto his face, "Are you…" he suddenly looks worried, "you're not a virgin, are you?"

"Shut up and kiss me, Jasper. This is not social hour," I roll my eyes and he nods his head up and down. "Take this off," I pull at his shirt. "It's only fair," I taunt him.

"What about if I take my pants off, too?" he teases me back.

I giggle and wiggle my eyebrows, "What if you do?"

God, it's easy to excite this guy. He tears his shirt off himself and fumbles with his belt while I stand up and shimmy out of my skirt. When it hits the floor, it's like he hears it because his head snaps to the side to stare at me. He's in his boxers now and he's faced forward. I think he wants me to straddle his lap again, so I take a step towards him, and then another, until his hands graze the back of my thighs to guide me back onto his lap.

When I settle onto him he thrusts his hips up so that his cock rubs against the apex between my legs, and I buckle into him and cry out. "_Ooh, fuck!_" I whimper shakily and unconsciously grind myself against him while I pull his mouth back to mine.

He takes my hand and puts it on his dick and moves his mouth to my neck and trails kisses down to my breasts again. He licks the tips and I whimper and slip my hand into his boxers to wrap my fingers around his cock; it's thick, hard and twitches with anticipation. He stops sucking my nipples to just bury his face into my chest, cursing and bucking himself upwards.

"_Fuck. Shit. Yes._ Keep doing that," he groans when I slide my hand up and over the tip so I can slick my palm over the pre-cum that seeps out the top. I use both my hands when I start to stroke him up and down. I push my thumbs together and glide them up the underside of his shaft and his head falls back onto the head rest of the couch.

I try switching it up because I read in Cosmo to keep doing things until you find something he really likes. _Fuck_, he's big. I worry what it might feel like when we do have sex. Rosalie says its really fucking awkward your first time and it hurts. I measure the girth of him with my hands and think about how wide my entrance is and then I'm like, _fuck it_. His breathing speeds up and his hands are squeezing my hips.

He bites his lip and hisses through his teeth before his mouth falls open after I use one of my hands to grab his balls. "Oh fuck, that's good. That's… that's…"

"Good?" I giggle and arch my brow at him. I'm sure he would laugh if he was in the right frame of mind, but currently he's grinding himself in my hands.

"Faster," he pants and I do as he says. "Squeeze it harder, baby- yeah! Just like that," he groans and licks one of my nipples and oh damn, it feels good. He sucks it into his mouth and it drives me insane with lust so I pump him harder and faster and my wrists are really starting to get sore so he needs to hurry up and—

"_Oooh, fuck yes!_" he trembles, "I'm gonna… I'm gonna…" and his hands slide up my sides to grab my tits and smash them in his hands. He comes apart and cums in spurts that I quickly try to cover with my hands. I really don't want that shit all over me.

His pants slowly ease off as he lazily squeezes my waist, and he rests his forehead against my collar. "Damn, that was r_eally_ fucking awesome, Bella."

I look behind me for his shirt, and he picks it up and wipes it over himself before I use it to dry my hands. I throw it on the floor and he attacks my mouth hard and fast. I yelp in surprise and then moan and rub myself against him. I'm still wet from earlier and I start to work myself back up really easy.

"Were do you want me?" he whispers against my lips.

"Here," I take his hand and shove it between my legs. "I want you here," I breathe against him. He slides his index finger along my slit outside my underwear. I'm so glad I took Rosalie's bloomers off before we got here.

"Stand up for a second," he mutters, and I obey without protest. He slips my underwear down and I shiver and shake. It's dark, so I'm not self-conscious that I'm bare-ass naked in front of him. "C'mere," he sounds husky when he pulls me back to him.

When my thighs are astride his lap once again, he raises his chin and his lips softly touch mine. We continue to press soft, slow kisses against each other and then he finally touches me… _there_. I gasp as one of his fingers circles my clit and I bite his lip anxiously. He slides two fingers up and down the middle and groans, "Goddamn, you're so wet for me, baby."

I nod with a whimper and rub myself against his fingers. He wastes no time and slips one inside, and when I cry out loud, he has to cover my mouth with his to drown it out. He teases me, sliding in and out slowly and then this thumb strokes my nub and I'm on cloud fucking nine.

"Oh my god," I cry into his shoulder, "oh yeah… Jasper, _please…_"

I can't even find the words to tell him how good it feels to have him touch me like this. Because oh-my-god, it feels _amazing._ He crooks one of his fingers into a come-hither motion, and immediately I start to grind my hips into him. My chest is tight, my body is on fire, and I shake my head and I can't move because my legs are shaky. But I can't stop, it's too good.

I moan his name and he stills my hips, moving in and out, in and out of me so deliciously that I hit that spot I've been waiting for. The tightness inside of me uncoils and I shatter into a million pieces all over his hands.

I struggle to catch my breath and lay there on him for a second or two to ride out the wave of euphoria. He kisses my shoulder and nuzzles his ear with my nose. I feel like I could fall asleep just like this, I don't want to move.

"So…" he sighs and the breath caresses the back of my shoulder where his mouth is. "You have my jacket."

_Huh?_

I pull up and look at him confused. He chuckles and shakes his head, "That came out wrong. I meant that, well, you have my letterman jacket. Maybe you could wear my class ring, too?"

I want to laugh because I feel like I've waltzed into _Pleasantville_. I expect Reese Witherspoon and Toby McGuire to pop out and congratulate us.

Jasper stares at me and I realize I haven't given him an answer yet. I know I'm supposed to say yes. This is what I wanted, after all. He's Jasper Whitlock. Top of the totem pole at Forks High. My ticket to an untouchable popularity status. Girls like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory who once snubbed me would now kiss my ass.

So why am I hesitating?

"_Stop it! I told you its just me and Emmett that are here!" _I hear Rosalie yell from upstairs. My body stills and tightens. Oh my god.

"_Emmett, tell him! She's—hey you can't just come in here!" _

I know it's Cullen the second I hear the pounding of his footsteps coming closer to the basement. I scramble for my underwear and skirt and in record speed they're back on and I'm struggling to zip my top back together.

"Get dressed!" I yell at Jasper and throw his jeans at his face.

May hair is a mess, my lips are swollen and my skirt is beyond rumpled. It's gonna take some serious heat at the dry cleaners to get these wrinkles out. Footsteps roar down the stairs just as Jasper buttons his fly.

"What the fu—" he doesn't get to finish.

Cullen's in the room and he moves so swiftly that he has Jasper by his throat before I even comprehend what's going on. I scream and cry out just like one of those annoying girls in the movies would. I slap a hand over my mouth and sob into it. Emmett flies down the stairs and Rosalie is fast on his heels. She's at my side and pulling me into her arms in seconds.

I can't see exactly what's going on because the lights are dim in the room, but I do see Cullen's fist repeatedly hitting Jasper, and I see Emmett struggling to pull him away. Then I watch in horror as Cullen throws out his elbow to hit Emmett in his throat. Rose flinches, and I know that she wants to rush to Emmett. But he's a strong guy, and even though he probably can't breathe right now he's back on his feet and trying to grab Cullen.

"Emmett!" Rose shouts at him. "Cullen, stop!" she screams as loud as she can and then runs back up the stairs.

I don't know why the hell she would leave, but I can't bring myself to move and join her. I'm frozen where I stand, clutching my face with my hands and crying like a stupid bitch. This is my fault. This is all my fucking fault. He warned me. He _warned _me! Then suddenly I have my fucking voice back and my motor control is back and I'm rushing forward and grabbing Cullen's arm.

"Edward—_STOP!_" I sob as I scream at him.

My fingernails dig into his flexed bicep so hard I feel them delve into his skin. It doesn't faze him. He keeps trying to hit Jasper and Jasper keeps trying to hit him and Emmett keeps trying to pull them apart. I wedge my arm between them and shove Jasper as hard as I can, which isn't very hard at all. He doesn't budge. Cullen finally snaps back into focus when we lock eyes and I beg him to stop, but when he does, Jasper's fist flies past my ear and hits Cullen square in his jaw.

"Shit!" I cry out and fall on my knees beside Cullen. He shoves my hands away and while he struggles to get back on his feet Emmett grabs Jasper and slams him against the wall.

"Calm down!" he yells into Jaspers face. "Calm the fuck down!"

Cullen takes one step towards them with murder in his eyes and I slam my palms against his chest. He's sweaty and he's bleeding and his jaw is starting to swell. He spits onto Emmett's carpet and I cringe at the dark color it leaves behind.

"Cullen, _stop!_" I try again. But Jasper breaks free of Emmett's hold and Cullen literally picks me up and throws me onto the couch just before Jasper plows into him and they crash to the floor. I hear them grunt and curse and Cullen keeps telling Jasper to hit harder and Jasper keeps telling Cullen to go to hell.

My chest is about to explode and Emmett is shoving his way between them. Then all the lights in the room come on and it's blindingly bright. I blink several times and see Rose standing with her hand on the switch next to Royce King.

He moves just as fast and fluid like Cullen, only he's not blind with rage. Royce makes it look so easy when he wraps his arms around Cullen's waist and swings him around to face the stairs. Emmet shoves Jasper down to the floor and pins him down, yelling at him to calm down or he's not getting up. I watch Royce struggle to subdue Cullen on the other side of the room, and flinch when there's a soft cool hand on my shoulder. It's Rose. My lip starts to tremble again when I look around the room and see how much damage has been done.

"I fucking told your ass not to come here. I _told _you to stay at the pad but you're such a stubborn fuck!" Royce yells into Cullen's ear. "No, I won't let you go. Not until I know you're cool. You're not cool."

"I'm cool," Cullen growls angrily, "I swear to God Roy, I'm done."

"You can't afford this shit, Cullen," Royce lets him go and regards him with concern. "Carlisle…" he shakes his head.

Cullen grits his teeth, "Don't you fucking say his name to me right now."

"It's okay," Rosalie says to me and its then I realize that I'm trembling like I'm in the fucking arctic. "It's okay, Bells. Calm down sweetie, it's over."

But I can't stop shaking. I'm so mad at Cullen. I'm so mad at me. I'm so mad at everyone and everything. I feel my eyes start to sting and I know I'm going to cry again. Rose tries to wipe my face but I slap her hands away and push away from her. I stumble forward, and Cullen and Royce stiffen as I draw nearer but all I do is shove past them to stagger up the stairs.

"Bella!" Rose calls out for me, and I know she's going to follow so I don't stop or slow down when I reach the top.

My feet slap against the kitchen tile and I remember that my sneakers are in the room that I never want to see again. My sight is blurry because there are tears in my eyes but thank God I'm not sobbing or hiccupping like I usually do when I cry. I don't understand what the hell just happened. I see a half empty bottle of tequila and snatch it up as I make my way through the house to the front door.

Emmett's house is fucking huge so it takes me a while to even reach the entrance area. Rosalie calls out to me one more time, and when I turn around she has my shoes in her hands. I fucking love her so much right now it's ridiculous.

But then I see Cullen right at her back, and shortly after him is a pissed off looking Royce King. Jasper and Emmett are not behind them. I don't dare look at Cullen's face. I don't need to see how pissed he is at me for disobeying a direct order. I can feel Rosalie coming up beside me; she tries to link arms, but I'm not in a touchy mood right now. So, I speed up and leave her behind.

"Cullen, no," I hear Royce scold Cullen, "_don't!_" he shouts.

I don't have time to react to the tone of voice Royce had used to call out to Cullen, because suddenly there's an iron grip around my wrist. I'm spun around quickly after and come face to face with a murderous glare. My stomach muscles tighten up and I flinch as if he's going to hit me. It's when I do this that some of the color comes back to his eyes. His grip lightens and with his other hand he moves as if to touch my face.

"Don't," I cringe away from him. I go to pull my arm away but his fingers clench. "Let go of me!" I cry out with wide eyes. "Get away from me! _Stay _away from me!"

I hate that I feel guilty when his face crumbles for a second, but it doesn't last long. He pulls his walls up just as quick and then it's like he feels nothing. "Stop acting like you're afraid of me!" he growls out through his teeth.

But I _am _afraid of him. I'd like to be one of those girls who looks past the mask he puts on, but I can't.

Because all I see when I look at him? Is pain.

Dark, agonizing _pain_. And it's not because of me, and it's not because of what I've done. I don't know what it is, but whatever he carries with him is something I don't want to know about. I'm not brave enough to stand up to him. I'm not strong enough to take care of him. Because that's what he needs. Someone to take care of him, to keep him in check and call him out when he's being a shit.

But that person is not me.

"Don't you turn your back on me!" he snaps when I try to leave. "Goddamn it, Bella!"

I stop. It's the first time he's ever actually said my name.

"I have your phone," I reply with my back still facing him.

"I know you have my fucking phone, I don't care." He literally growls this out like an animal. I peak over my head slightly to see if he's grown fur. But that slight movement is all he needs to rush forward and spin me around again.

"Why'd you do it?" he drops my arm and asks very softly.

I scoff at him, "Seriously?"

His grimace deepens, "What is that?" he's confused.

"You have no right to act like I'm a piece of property! I am not your girlfriend, Cullen! And after tonight? I never will be," I stare into his eyes so that he gets the point. He does.

"So it's like that, huh?" he laughs bitterly. As if he's been in this situation before with the same results. As if this comes as no surprise to him.

"It was one night," I shake my head.

"Yeah," he nods, "one night that obviously meant more to me than to you."

I close my eyes. _Ouch_. That hurt. I feel like a bitch all of the sudden. I'm really good at placing guilt onto myself. I'm lying to him right now. That night did mean something to me. It meant almost _everything _to me. But then I remember his buzzing phone.

"Rose," I call out to her and motion for her to unlock the doors on her car. When she does I go into the glove box and grab his phone. "Here," I hand him two pieces. His phone and the battery I took out.

He blinks down at it confused as to why it's not in the same condition he left it in.

"You're a very popular guy," I tell him in the driest of tones.

He nods, "Yeah, I am." He says this in a way that's supposed to make me jealous. It's working.

Now it's time for retribution. Rose—who I'm starting to believe is psychic or just really fucking in tune with me—comes over to the driver's side, slips in and immediately starts up the car. Cullen's scowling again. I slink down into the passenger seat and shut the door on him. But then I roll down the window and look up at him. He's still staring at me with that intense hurt puppy look in his eyes. I have to remind myself that I'm not _that _girl.

"You want to know why this happened tonight?" I ask coldly. My confidence is back and I'm feeling really haughty right now. "Why don't you check in with Alice Brandon? She seems to be the one getting you through those _lonely_ nights."

His eyes widen in realization just as Rose peels out of the driveway. She pats my leg and tells me '_good job_.' But all I feel is really, really…

Empty.

-x-

**AN:** This chapters title refers to the song Gold Gun Girls by Metric. Last chapter was Suspicious Character by The Blood Arm.


	3. Breaker

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine.

**AN:** Lots of thanks to give this time around! _Jess_, you're still my number 1. I'd like to thank The Sparkly Red Pen for introducing me to my great pre-reader: _ysar_ and my amazing beta: _ecdreams_. I am speechless at the amount of awesome you two are made of. Also thanks to Kelly for recommending my fic on her awesome site and for everyone who tweeted this fic. I can't fit the words in this AN to thank you all enough.

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you start to remember bits and pieces of 'that night.'

**Ch. 3:** Breaker

Apparently I give one hell of a hand job because for the rest of the weekend Jasper blew up my phone with text messages and calls, and come Monday morning he is all over me. He has a black eye and busted lip and he can't go to practice for at least a week until his ribs heal up. He looks like he had the shit kicked out of him. I suppose he did. But he held his own. Everyone knows you're dead if you fight Cullen. He's fucking crazy.

The craziest part is that Jasper hasn't asked me about Cullen. Not once. No one has. How is that possible? Emmett looks at me funny, however, so I think he suspects but for some weird ass reason, he is keeping his mouth shut. That's a first for sure.

Rose has been really, really quiet since Saturday. I keep wondering if it has to do with what I found in her locker last Friday. I want to ask her about it, but she keeps surrounding herself with people so we never have enough time to talk about anything too personal. I hate that she's always taking care of me but clams up when she needs someone for her.

"And then she like, totally went down on him in my parents bathroom and—"

I tune Jessica out. Her voice is annoying and I don't care who hooked up at her party. I know Rose doesn't care but she's pretending like she does so that she doesn't have to talk to me. We haven't really said anything to each other since Saturday morning when she dropped me off at home. I would think she was mad at me, but the silent treatment is not Rosalie's style. If she's mad at you, you sure as hell will know it.

"So anyways, we're going to Port Angeles tomorrow. I'm in need of some serious retail therapy," Jessica blabs on as we walk across the quad that morning to our lockers. "And since we'll be out there, we should totally get mani/pedi's."

"Oh my God, _totally_," Rosalie puts it on real thick and no one is the wiser. "My cuticles are atrocious and my feet are in desperate need of some loving."

Jessica is beaming as if she's won the lottery, "Awesome! I'll let Lauren know and we can all meet at my car after school. Kay? Oh," she pauses and throws me a look, "you can come too, Bella. There might not be much room but…"

I roll my eyes and shake my head at her blatant Rose ass kissing. I'm so lost in my eye rolling that I completely overlook a gofer hole in the ground and bite it—_hard._

"Bella!" Rose gasps and quickly yanks me up my arm.

"Ow! Stop," I whine and grab at my swelling ankle. "Ow, ow fuckity ow!" I curse in pain.

"No," Rose's eyes widen like saucers. "No, no, no, no! Don't you tell me you've sprained your ankle, Isabella Marie Swan!"

And… cue cheer captain Hale.

I try to put pressure on my ankle but it feels like a razor blade has just slit across my anklebone. "_Ohhh n-no!_" I hiss out painfully.

"_Shit_," Rosalie bends down to look at the damage. She pushes my jeans up to look and I seriously cannot believe what I see. Its looks like I have a golf ball under my skin. Just looking at it freaks me the hell out. I feel light headed all of the sudden and sway on my one working foot.

"Jessica! Grab her!" Rosalie barks an order and like an obedient German Sheppard Jessica is there at my back supporting me upright. "Bella you need to go to the nurse," Rose mutters while she slides the tip of her finger over the swelling. I wince cuz it hurts for her to even do that.

Jessica doesn't like the idea of having to half carry me back across the quad, "Can't we like… call Jasper? He can carry her."

"Call Emmett," I blurt out suddenly. The last thing I need is for Jasper to rush over like a knight in shining armor. He'd insist to carry me to each and every class and I'm kind of getting sick of looking at him. He's so sweet and attentive and… _boring_. Fuck, I am such a bitch.

Rose calls Emmett, but hangs up when she spots him a few yards out. "Jess," her eyes flash to the sandy blonde girl beside her, "run and get Emmett. Now!"

And off she goes.

"I told you, you needed to pay more attention to your surroundings, Bella." Rosalie mutters. "You always walk around inside your own head and you don't even see shit that's right in front of you." I'm starting to suspect she's not talking about my ankle.

"I don't want to go to Port Angeles with Jessica and Lauren," I mumble as I lean against her.

Rose snorts and slides her arm around my waist to keep me steady, "They don't want you to go either."

She thinks she's so funny. _Ha. Ha._ She knows I can't go because I can't afford to get the spa package they all usually get. It would take me a month of chores to save up half enough to join them. I hate not having money.

"I don't want you to go either," now I sound like a pouty five year old. _My Rosalie_. _Not yours_.

She sighs deeply and I close my eyes to rest my head on her shoulder. She's a head taller than me so it's really easy to do. "Don't go," I whisper softly. "We can do each other's nails at my house."

"Fine," she replies just as soft.

"What happened Belly Boo? You try walking and chewing gum at the same time again?" Emmett teases as he and Jessica approach us. I flip him the bird and he chuckles then swoops me up into his arms effortlessly. There's a reason I'm a flyer on the cheer squad; I weigh almost nothing.

"Right. Well, this has been a delight," Jessica's sarcasm is loud and clear, "but I have to get to class. So… see _you_ later?" she looks at Rose when she says this.

Rose shrugs a shoulder, "Maybe. It depends on how Bella's doing. I'll text you." The slight snub is not lost on anyone.

"Where to?" Emmett says looking at both Rose and me when Jessica leaves.

"Home," we say at the same time.

-x-

Painkillers are awesome. And when I say awesome? I mean… _awe-soooooome._ I feel like I'm floating on a cloud but I'm really laid out on my couch at home. My feet are on a pillow on Rose's lap and there are about ten pillows behind my back right now.

"_¿Cómo me pudiste lastimar de esa manera? ¡Te odio!_" A loud slap echoes in the room from the flat screen. It's the one valuable thing in the house, my dad's TV and surround sound. He has a thing for a true movie theatre experience.

We've been watching TV Novellas for the past 2 hours and I still have yet to understand what everyone is saying exactly. I'm barely passing Spanish class and that's only because I cheat and look it up online. But I have counted six slaps so far.

I think Rose is asleep. I push up to my elbows and try to peer at her face. Sure enough she has her cheek resting against her fist and she's out cold. Her chest moves in and out slowly and calmly. It's hard to imagine that someone so beautiful could ever be anything but happy. Rosalie has many layers and I'm the only one to ever bother to scratch the surface. I've almost made it to the core, but not yet. Some layers are harder to peel back than others.

I sigh and flop back down onto my pillow mound. I really have to pee but I'm having a difficult time finding the strength to get up. Why can't I just float over to the bathroom? I feel feather light, I think I might be able to do it. I lift my injured foot and very slowly try to sit up right on the couch. I'm still foggy from the pills Rose stole from her mom's cabinet and the room is completely out of focus.

"_Bleh_," I mumble to myself and attempt to stand on my good foot. I do this while trying really hard not to wake Rose. It's not so hard to get around one legged if I hop—I'm a cheerleader, my legs are strong—but I'm disoriented from the pills. So yes, this is difficult. Especially since there is only one bathroom in this house and it's upstairs.

"_Fuck you stairs_," I growl. Then I trudge up them on my knees. I don't feel like hoping up those bitches, I'd make too much noise. I wish for a moment that my dad were old enough to have one of those motorized chairs that rode you to the top and bottom of a staircase. That would be so awesome right now. Instead I'm on my hands and knees, huffing and puffing to the top of what feels like Mount Everest.

But when I finally make it to the top I realize there's a slight problem. How the hell am I going to stand up again without using my wounded foot? I'm right handed and it's my right foot that's fucked. It's a very difficult task, one in which I have to crawl into my dad's room and try to use the chest at the end of his bed to gain enough height to stand. I feel like an infant while I crawl and roll and grunt around on the ground, trying to take my first baby steps.

My bladder feels like it's going to explode. I end up shouting for Rosalie to come and rescue me. I could have saved myself so much trouble if I had just woke her up when I was on the couch. I close my eyes because I'm really light headed all of the sudden. I missed lunch today and I took those pills from Rose without even asking what they were.

_That _is how gullible I am around her. I completely rely on her to take care of me all of the time. When I feel unsure or uncomfortable, Rose is the first person I think of for comfort. I know it's probably a really bad idea to be so dependent on someone who isn't me, but fuck you. Don't judge me.

We're back on the couch and flipping through the endless number of channels on Direct TV. I cannot believe the kind of shit that actually gets airtime nowadays. Rose snorts at the TV when she highlights one of the channels on the guide that says _The Devil Wears Nada._

"Oh my god, we totally have to see this," she selects it and we both cringe and hide our faces at the same time. Then she throws her head back and laughs so loud and so hard that I start laughing too.

"Gross," she frowns at the screen and changes the channel. "They're not even good looking. What's the point of soft-core porn when they're ugly? No one wants to watch ugly people doing it."

I actually consider this riddle, "I don't think they're really looking at their faces when they're watching… if you know what I mean." I start to mimic a guy jerking off with my hands.

She chuckles and rolls her eyes, "You're so stupid, Bella."

I stick my tongue out at her.

"When does your pops come home?" she stretches out her body and groans with it.

Watching her do it makes me want to stretch as well but when I do I feel a jolt of pain in my ankle. Okay, so there will be no stretching for me today. Oh no. Stretching. Today. Practice!

"Shit!" I hiss and turn to Rose, "You're going to miss cheer practice. Get up, Rose! If you leave now you might make it!"

"Ugh, but I don't want to practice with those whiny bitches. Damn it, Bella. Why couldn't you have just fallen on your ass like a normal person? Then we wouldn't be in this position right now." She's making her weird bunny face when she says this. It's the only way I can explain what she looks like when she whines. Which is ironic right now seeing how she doesn't want to be around 'whiny bitches.'

"I'll be with you in spirit," I smirk and dodge the pillow she tosses at my head. "Hey!" I mock gasp at her and point to my ankle, "_injured _person here!"

"Whatever," she snorts and rolls her eyes. "Fine. I'm out then, bitch."

I throw up two fingers, "_Peace out homie_."

She leaves.

-x-

I didn't even know that I fell asleep until I'm awakened up by dad and Harry Clearwater. They're loud and excited about some game that they're going to watch because dad DVR'd it or some shit. I don't comprehend everything until the lights in the living room go on and I cringe and groan and wither like a vampire in the sun.

"_Too bright_," I whine.

"You… uh, you do your homework?" dad scratches behind his ear. He gets nervous around me now for some reason. Ever since I joined the cheerleading squad and started hanging out with popular people. He acts like he's scared of me or something.

"What?" I lift the pillow up an inch from my face to look at him with one eye. My head is _pounding_. I'm experiencing what feels like a level 8 migraine here.

"Hey kid," Harry sticks his round face into my view. He grabs my pillow and whips it off me, "You look kinda ah… what do they call it? Kinda, tore up?"

I groan and move to turn over and bury my face in the couch. I end up twisting my leg wrong and I ball up in pain while a puppy-like whimper escapes me. I think I can officially say that the pills have worn off. Good-bye clouds, hello pain.

Dad flies into a panic almost immediately, "Are you… uh.. are you…" his eyes are looking everywhere but at my face. He points to me and then circles a finger around the area of his nether region. "You know.. that _timeofthemonthorsomething?_"

_Whatthefuck?_

"Huh?" I wrinkle my nose up. "Dad? Are you trying to ask me if I'm on my per—"

"You don't have to say it!" His says horrified. He looks at Harry and I wonder if he thinks I've offended him. Hell, the way he's acting you would think I did.

Instead Harry just chuckles at the both of us and shakes his head at my dad, "I have three girls, Charlie. Talk like that goes in one ear and right out the other," he mines the words making their way through his ears.

"Well you can relax," I roll my eyes and sit up with Harry's help. "It's my ankle. I fell today at school and sprained it."

"Sprained it?" dad's eyes get really big and he hurries over to look at my foot. "Baby this looks really swollen have you been keeping it elevated past your heart? Did you put ice on it?" He looks around the room as if a bag of ice will magically appear.

"Ummm…" I fidget, "No?"

A man now with a purpose, dad lifts my foot gently and places two pillows under it. Then he goes to the kitchen and I hear him bustling around the freezer. He comes out with a pack of frozen peas that have been in the freezer since before my mom left him. We don't eat healthy in this house. I can't cook for shit and neither can dad. We eat out a lot. Which is what we do tonight as well. Harry pulls out a box of pizza and we dive in.

For the next two hours afterwards I'm stuck on the couch next to dad who's given up his prized Lay-Z-Boy chair for Harry to sit in. My back is against the farthest end of the couch opposite my dad who has one of my fluffy pillows beside him on the couch where my feet rest. Every now and then he checks that the frozen gel bag pressed against my swollen ankle is still cold. It feels really weird right now being this close to him. Because I feel like I'm eight and I've fallen off my bike and dad is comforting me. Dad hardly ever comforts me anymore. So as weird as this is, I'm also treasuring it.

Mom wasn't a hugger. Which was fine with me, cuz I wasn't either until I met Rosalie. That girl always has to be touching somebody. So now that I'm used it, it feels good that my dad is venturing out of his comfort zone for me right now. It actually makes my foot hurt less. Weird, I know.

"Bells, your phone," dad nudges me awake. He plops it on my chest and I groan because, uh, ow? My phone feels like it weighs a ton.

It's a text from Rose.

_Practice sucked ass w/out u but Liam caught Jess wrong on a basket toss and her tights went up her ass. High larious!_

I giggle softly at the thought of Jessica's discomfort. I text back, _Classic! lol_

My eyes have only been closed for a moment when my phone buzzes again.

_Oh, and apparently Cullen came to school earlier looking for u_

A second text appears from Rose.

_Em says he was waiting in the parking lot pretending to make a sale but his eyes were everywhere_

I sigh and text back: _Call me._

-x-

"Don't freak out," Rose commands me.

I'm in my room safely on my bed with my foot elevated and a new icepack on my ankle. Dad's really going above and beyond. The lights are off and the only light comes in from my bay window seat area. I have my favorite throw blanket over me and I feel very comfortable and snuggly. But despite all that, I'm totally on edge.

"How can I not freak out, Rose?" I growl out at her. "Was Jasper there?"

"No, he had to leave early for a doctor appointment," the way she says it sounds like a direct quote from Emmett.

I suck a huge amount of air into my lungs and let it out super slow. "So, what? Is he like, stalking me now?" I scoff. "What a loser." I'm totally playing that last part off. I don't think he's a loser for looking for me. I think he wants to explain. Give me an excuse.

_She's just a friend. She doesn't mean anything. It wasn't like that._

Puh-lease. I'm not stupid.

"He came alone, Bell," she murmurs. Only Rose and my dad call me Bells on the regular.

"So?" I mumble and feign disinterest.

Okay, so that's actually a pretty big deal. Like I've said before? Cullen, Royce and Jake don't go _anywhere_ without each other. It's either two of them, or all three of them. It's _never _only one of them. What is this guy's _deal?_

"_It was one night," I shake my head. _

"_Yeah," he nods, "one night that obviously meant more to me than to you." _

I cringe after remembering last Friday. Yeah, that night he was talking about was pretty epic and so unexpected. I sigh and close my eyes and think about it.

"Are you asleep?" Rose uses her soft mama voice.

I smirk, "No."

"I think it's time you told me the truth about that night, Bells."

I snort, "Yeah? And I think it's time you told me the truth about the shit I found in your gym locker."

She's quiet. A deep sigh, a rustling, and then… "That's a face to face conversation, Bells."

My stomach drops.

"But chill, it's nothing that needs immediate attention. I swear." Rose sounds like she's trying to convince herself as well as me.

"Rosalie… are you… again?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. We've been down this road before. It was long and rough and dangerous and I almost lost her.

Another sigh, "I promise to tell you everything tomorrow after school. When I paint your toes. That ankle makes you look like shit. The least we can do is make your toes pretty."

"Don't change the subject, Rose," I groan, "you're scaring me."

"Well don't be scared then, you stupid bitch!" she shouts at me. She sounds like herself again. But I'm not sure if she's for real or not. "What we _need _to talk about is you and Cullen. That guy is unstable."

I let this sly because she promised we'd get to it tomorrow. So I indulge her need to talk about someone other than herself. "Yeah," I agree with her, "he's completely unstable."

"Hot as hell, but really fucking scary," she snorts.

I snuggle further under my covers and close my eyes, "Yeah," I agree again, "scary."

I want to bring up the fact that Rose is definitely hiding something big from me. I know I shouldn't just let this go as easily as I do. It could be a number of things she's hiding from me and I want to talk about them but now I can't stop thinking about _that night. _That single solitary night that I'm now starting to suspect will be my ultimate undoing. That _he _will be my ultimate undoing. I just wish I had known then just how fucking scary he can be.

Now every time I close my eyes, I remember bits and pieces of that night.

-x-

_I hate being alone with Jessica and_ _Lauren without Rose as a buffer. We're in my trusty little silver Volvo and they're both in the backseat as if I'm their chauffer. They're giggling and texting and dancing to the radio while I'm clenching my hands onto my steering wheel wondering how the fuck this happened. _

_One minute I'm driving to Rosalie's house to hit up a party where I'm supposed to meet up with this guy from school, and the next? Rose is calling me and telling me she has food poisoning from a salad she ate at the diner earlier. I believe her because she never misses a party and she _never _lies to me. _

_So I end up picking up Lauren and Jessica because I'm the DD that night. I only agreed to it at first because I thought Rose was coming. But now I'm alone with Tweedledee and Tweedledumb. Who are completely ignoring me by the way which just serves to piss me off even more. _

_I hear Jessica—who irritates me the most—start to sing along to whatever pop song is playing because they all sound the same to me, and I switch the channel to spite her. She gasps and I catch Lauren roll her eyes in the rearview mirror. _

"_Put it back, _Bel-lah_!" Jessica shouts and I just put the volume louder until she flings herself forward and her head is in the front seat. It scares the shit out of me, and in surprise, I yelp, swerving the car sharply to the left, right into the gutter. Now everyone is screaming and freaking out and I slam on the brakes so hard it skids a bit on the concrete._

"_Are you crazy!" Jessica screams. _

"_You could have killed us!" Lauren shrieks afterwards. _

_I'm breathing really hard and then I giggle, "Wow... what a rush." _

"_I told you we should have just gone with Jennifer," Lauren says to Jessica and then throws me an ugly look in the mirror._

_I want to tell them both to fuck off and get the hell out of my car but I don't. __I never say what I want to the people that I should. I don't know why, really. I could care less what they think of me. It's just that, well… I don't want to end up as a nobody again. Been there, done that. So not going there again. _

"_Well?" Jess slaps the back of my seat. "Are you just going to sit there or are you going to—oof! Bella! You stupid, bitch!" she screams when I take off and she falls backwards funny. _

_And believe me, it was _funny_. I have to hide my giggles behind a hand. I saw her underwear and its lime green with black leopard print. I'm pretty sure she knows it was out on display because her cheeks are red and she's pouting in the backseat._

"_Jen just texted and said that Tyler told her Mike is coming to the party tonight." Lauren tells Jessica who squeals and bites her lip in excitement. _

"_Mike who?" I ask out loud before I can stop myself. _

"_Mike—none of your fucking business," Jessica scowls. _

_I roll my eyes.__ I hope it's not Newton. Then again, there is only one Mike we associate with, so of course it's Mike fucking Newton she's gaga over. __I sigh and shake my head, why do these things happen to me? Do I really want Jessica to make my life an even bigger hell whenever Rosalie isn't around? Because that's what she does. If Rosalie is at the top, Jess is next in line. You'd think it would be me… you'd be wrong. _

_When we finally get there both Jessica and Lauren tell me to drop them off in front of the house because they don't want anyone to think we came together. I completely ignore their request and park as far away as I can from the house. They call me an "immature bitch" and I just laugh because I can think of a _million _better insults to throw back in their faces and each and every one of them would be more clever and original than the last. _

_While we make our way to the house (with Jess and Lauren walking like five feet in front of me), the two of them gossip about some girl that Mike has his eye on. Jessica says whoever this girl is, she has nothing that Jessica doesn't have better. Now, I'm a realist, so when I hear her say this I totally and completely have to agree with her. _

_To a point. _

"_I bet she's smarter than you," I say aloud. _

"_I bet I can make you shut the fuck up," Jessica snaps back without turning around. _

_I speed up my steps until we're right next to each other, "Please don't mistake my silence for fear. I'm not afraid of you so you can tell me to shut up and mind my business and you can even call me a bitch. Fine. But if you ever touch me?" I chuckle because it's ridiculous to think she'd be brave enough to try, "I'll give you a real reason to call me ghetto…'kay?" I add in a Valley Girl voice. _

"_Kisses, girls!" I blow them the middle finger and enter the house ahead of them. _

-x-

**AN:** This chapters title refers to the song Breaker by Low.

**P.S.** if it's not obvious by now… I post every Friday. I live in California so if I post at 11:59 pm—I still counts! :P


	4. Duality

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

**AN:** Thanks to _**Jessica**_ (my muse & reason this story got written), _**ysar**_(my much needed grammar police), and _**Lynn**_ (I miss you). Much thanks to everyone who tweets this fic (you da best!), reviewes (I love you) and lurks (why so shy?), **thanks!**

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you think you're _over it_—but you're not.

**Ch. 4:** Duality

At 6:45 the next morning I'm standing on Rosalie's doorstep, hitting the doorbell incessantly while I balance a coffee tray. I hear my dad's cruiser in the distance, driving away after he's dropped me off. I slam my fist against the door several times. I know what a heavy sleeper Rose is, and I also know she doesn't wake up until the very last minute. First period starts at 8 a.m. sharp, which means Rosalie does not wake up until 7:30, and she waltzes into class fifteen minutes late.

Every day.

This is why we don't carpool to school anymore - other than the fact that she lives like twenty minutes away from where I live. I suppose that, technically, I straddle the school district line for Forks and La Push High Schools. But Dad is the sheriff in Forks, and everybody knows that La Push High is where the losers and rejects go to school.

Finally, the front door swings open. "Must you always be so boldly rude, Ms. Swan?" Rose's live-in housekeeper, a Ms. Gloria Dash, huffs as she holds the door and steps aside for me to enter.

Old Glory and I have a love/hate relationship.

"What up, Glory?" I hobble into the house. My ankle isn't as bad as it was yesterday, and I had to fight my dad this morning to let me go to school. "Hey, is there any chance I could convince you to make those fuck awesome blueberry pancakes?" I touch my stomach with my free hand and pout, "My daddy doesn't feed me…"

"Language, Ms. Swan." Her cheeks are flushed red because I always piss her off with my "despicable upbringing." You see, Gloria grew up a blue-blooded débutante until her father was arrested and sent to prison for embezzlement. Her family lost everything but their sense of propriety.

Now she's a 32-year-old housekeeper for the Hales. Rosalie says her mom does it as a favor to Gloria's mom, because Gloria's mom went to high school with Rosalie's mom. I like how proud and snobby Gloria is, despite her situation, which is why I live and breathe to poke fun at her.

"Language?" I feign innocence. "Oh! _Language!_ Oh, _fuck,_ my bad Glory!"

Her nostrils flare almost as wide as her eyes. "I will be in the kitchen," she hisses. "You know your way to Ms. Hale's room."

"Don't forget the blueberry pancakes!" I shout after her as I start up the stairs. This proves to be yet another steep hike with my healing ankle, and I don't have Dad to carry me this time around. Add onto that the fact that I'm balancing a cup holder with two steaming cups of frou frou coffee, and I'm a total liability.

It takes me a while, but I finally make my way upstairs. I know Rosalie's parents aren't home because they're _never_ home this early in the school year. They always go on their annual cruise to warmer climates during this time of year, and they don't return until just before Thanksgiving.

I limp into Rose's room and fling her curtains open. "Rise and shine, bitch!" I shout really loud, laughing when she cringes and groans then buries her face under her covers.

"Get the fuck out, Bella," she growls, the sound muffled beneath her thick down comforter.

I gasp, "_Language, Ms. Hale!_" doing my best impression of Glory.

Rose's response is to stick a hand out from her blanket and flip me the bird. She's a total monster in the morning until she's had her first sip of coffee. But I'm prepared for this.

"I come bearing gifts," I say, pulling out her favorite, a tall skinny chai latte. I pull down a section of her blanket and hold the coffee there until she gets a good whiff. She's upright in seconds, with greedy hands reaching for the paper cup.

"Ah ah!" I shake my head and hold it out of reach. "Remember what you said to me yesterday?" I arch my left eyebrow like a damn pro.

Her hair resembles a perfect, golden bird's nest atop her head. "That Cullen is completely unstable?" she snorts, rubbing her fingertips under her eyes to wipe away some of yesterday's smeared mascara.

I shake my head. "Before that."

"That practice was a total fail without you?" she asks, her voice hoarse and raspy with sleep.

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "After that."

"Goddamn it, Bella! Give me my coffee, you evil cunt!" She snatches it from my hands and takes a huge gulp. "_Oh fuck yes…"_ she sighs in relief.

"How do you manage to make your morning coffee so x-rated?" I scoff at her.

She moans and takes another drink. "It's a gift."

I settle down beside her and lean against the headboard. "What's going on with you, Rosalie?"

"Nothing, I swear," she sighs, trying to run her fingers through her hair, until they get caught, and I have to help free them.

"_Rose_," I use my 'stop bullshitting me' voice.

"It's fine," she says, shaking her head, "I had a weak moment, and… it won't happen again."

I put my hand over hers and stare into her eyes. "You should have told me."

"And have you freak out?" she snorts. "Look, Bella. I love you to death, but you can't begin to understand how hard it is to be me sometimes."

I have to bite my tongue. This is her time to talk, not mine.

"I'm not perfect, okay? Sometimes I make mistakes, and sometimes I need to do something to… to… I don't know. To fucking blow off some steam." she shrugs her shoulders as if this is not a big deal.

I can't keep quiet anymore.

"That's fine, Rose. But normal people go to the gym or talk to their friends to blow off steam. They don't go on a junk food bender and then stick their finger down their throat!" I shout at her. "I care about you way too fucking much to watch you go down that road again. I almost lost you the last time, Rosalie! Do you have any idea how devastated I would be if you ever actually _died _from this shit?"

She can't look me in the face, so she stares down at the top of her latte. "I said it won't happen again," she mumbles.

"I love you, Rose. You're my best friend, and I trust you with my life," I pause and take a deep breath to keep myself from crying, "but I don't trust you with yours."

She keeps staring at her cup. "Then I guess it's good that we got each other, huh?" she asks, lifting her head. I see tears in her eyes. "Because it's so obvious how you're just as careless with your own."

Her hand turns under mine so that she can squeeze ours together.

-x-

For some reason I really want to know who the fuck Alice Brandon is.

So I start to ask around. I go to Angela Weber first because she's not popular, and I know she won't blab to everyone about whatever we talk about. We're in student government together, and she has history with Jessica. They sit next to each other, and even though for the most part Jessica is a total bitch to her, she does kiss Angela's ass whenever she needs someone to cheat from.

So I convince Angela to make a deal with Jessica. If anyone can find out who the fuck Alice is, it's Jess. I'd ask her myself, except for the fact that we each wish the other would die a horrible death. I tell Angela I'll get Jasper to talk to her crush, Ben Cheney, about her if she gets info on Alice from Jessica. Everybody wins.

"Ben?" Jasper repeats his name in confusion later that day when I ask him for the favor.

I refrain from rolling my eyes. "Yes," I say, nodding my head, "I need you to talk to him about Angela Weber."

"The girl with the glasses in your student government class?" his brow wrinkles deeper.

I press my thumb to his forehead and try to smooth it out, "Yes. And also," I wear a genuine smile when I says this next part, "I think it's totally adorable that you know we have student gov together."

"I know everything about you," his charm is back full swing. He leans down, and I lift my chin so he can kiss me.

It's total bullshit, but I let it go. Jasper doesn't know the first thing about me. He knows what I allow him and everyone else to think about me. Quaint little Bella Swan, star cheerleader and Rosalie's most trusted best friend. People eat that shit up so easily that it makes me really fucking depressed sometmes.

Jasper is a really good kisser, so I lose myself for a few seconds in his mouth, and I don't come out of my tongue coma until I hear the warning bell. "I gotta get to the locker room before they lock me out," I mutter against his lips.

He gives me one last kiss and makes it count. Then he slides his thumb over my swollen lips, "Save me a spot at lunch."

I nod my head.

"Later, babe." He pushes me towards my class and slaps my ass.

I giggle and trot to the locker rooms. I know I should be pissed and feel degraded, but I don't. I like that Jasper makes me feel sexy. I've never felt as irresistible as I do with Jasper. He really is starting to grow on me. He's not as bad as I had originally pegged him out to be.

"Five seconds, Swan, and I'm shutting these doors," Mrs. McClain snaps while staring at her watch and holding the door open. "Five… Four… Three… Two…"

I slip in just before she reaches "one," and the door slams shut behind me.

-x-

"Eat," I growl, sliding my cup of yogurt to my left in front of Rose.

She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. "Emmett's bringing me a salad."

I sigh, "Whatever." Then I shove a spoonful of strawberry Yoplait into my mouth.

Jasper flops down on my right and, in one swoop, puts me in his lap. "Hey you," he says, nuzzling my cheek. I turn to receive my hello kiss. "Mmm, you taste good." He grins and licks his lips as he watches me swallow another spoonful of yogurt.

"Do any of you know who Alice Brandon is?" Jessica comes over and slaps her tray of food down onto the table across from us.

I start to choke on my yogurt, and Jasper slaps my back until Rosalie socks him in the arm to stop.

"No, why?" Tyler Crowley, who's settled beside a lovesick Lauren, looks up at Jessica curiously.

"No reason," she shrugs, sitting down to look at the rest of us. "Any of you know her?"

Jasper's arms circle my waist, and he rests his chin on my shoulder, "She goes to La Push, right?"

I push away from him and stare at his face, "How do _you _know that?" I snap.

"_Ooooh!_" the guys at the table tease him.

Jasper just shrugs, "She was friends with Maria."

"How?" I cross my arms.

"I dunno. They just were. Why does this matter?" He looks at me closely, and I know I need to calm the fuck down before I give myself away.

"It doesn't," I mumble, leaning my back against his chest again.

"So she goes to La Push?" Jessica's struck gold. "Anything else?"

"Why the fuck do you care so much?" Rosalie frowns at her.

Jessica tries to play it cool. "Some girl in class asked me if I knew her," she shrugs nonchalantly.

"Well, we don't, so drop it," Rosalie's words are final, and no one mentions Alice for the rest of lunch.

When the bell rings to signal the end of our lunch break, Rose intercepts Jasper's attempt to walk me to class. "Girl talk, sorry. No dicks allowed." She doesn't look sorry at all as she drags me to her locker and pretends to grab a book.

"What the fuck, Bell? How did you get Jessica to ask about Alice?" she hisses at me angrily. "Forget about Cullen! You are with _Jasper_ now, remember?"

I don't even pretend that I have nothing to do with this, its written all over my face. "I know, okay?" I shout, immediately cringing when she stares hard at me in a way I know means '_lower your fucking voice because there is ALWAYS someone listening.'_

"I just wanted to know," I shrug.

"_Why_?" she sighs, shutting her locker.

I turn so we can walk to class and hold my arm out for her to link with me. "I don't know. I just do. Call it closure."

"Closure for _what_?" Rose scoffs, "You don't even know the guy. I really wish you would just tell me what the hell went down that night."

I groan, "Nothing happened that night; that's just it. I waited for Mike, he showed up super late, and while I stood there like an idiot, Cullen kept me company."

We both stop in front of her French class, and she moves to stand in front of me. "If that's true, then why the hell is Cullen acting like he is? Not even an unstable guy like him would beat the shit out of _Jasper Whitlock_ if all he did was spend one night _talking _to you."

I stare at her quietly, and she does the same to me. I have nothing to say to her about this, so I cross my arms and jut my chin toward her classroom. "You're going to be late."

"That's not fair, Bella," she argues, refusing to budge. "I told you that stuff this morning!" she whisper-yells at me.

I hate keeping shit from her, but I just can't get myself to talk about that night. I can't even really allow myself to _remember _that night. I just want it to go away so that I can move on. It wasn't even that big of a deal until Cullen made it one.

We stand there until the final bell rings, and Rosalie's teacher asks if she's coming or not. The moment Rosalie turns and goes inside without a word, I know I'm deep shit with her.

She's not going to let this go.

-x-

_It's loud and chaotic inside the house, and I know it's a party, but goddamn, this is insane. It's only 9:00__, and the entire house is packed with people. I stop and make small talk with a few people until I ultimately make it to the kitchen. I watch a guy from the soccer team, Austin Marks, mix me a drink and ignore the way he's staring at my rack. He's tall and blonde and reminds me of Andy Roddick back when he dated Mandy Moore. _

_But if he doesn't remove his gaze from my tits, I'm going to clock him. _

"_Belly boo!" someone bellows out behind me, and I'm lifted and swung around in the air before I have time to react. "Hell has frozen over, people! Itchy and scratchy are not attached at the hip tonight!" _

_I hate that he calls me and Rose that. _

"_Down, Emmett," I deadpan, and he sets me back on my feet. I take my drink from Austin, and Emmett snatches it from out my hands and sticks his nose inside to smell it. _

"_What's in here, Marks?" he asks, eying Austin accusingly. _

_The poor guy looks white as a ghost. "Fucking, uh… vodka cran, Emmett. That's all, I swear." _

"_Better be," Emmett growls and then turns back to me with his usual happy-go-lucky grin. He takes a swig from my cup and swishes it around in his mouth before swallowing. "You're all right," he nods when he's satisfied Austin has not poisoned me. He hands me my drink back and puts his arm around my shoulders. "Rose said to keep an eye on you," he winks. I let him guide me to the dining area, where I see the football team gathered around, playing a drinking game. _

"_Bella!" one of the teams' running backs, Garrett, shouts, grinning up at me. He has the curliest black hair I've ever seen, and that's saying something when standing next to Emmett. "Sit here!" he shoves one of his teammates out of his seat and slaps a hand onto it for me to come over. _

"_Thanks, bro!" Emmett howls and yanks me over to take the seat with me in his lap. "Who's up?" he asks. _

_A quarter rolls across the table, and Emmett snatches it up. "You're next," Jasper Whitlock says. _

_I cant even get myself to look at him. Rosalie says there's a rumor going around that he was going to ask me out soon, but Mike beat him to the punch. I never wanted to say yes to Mike Newton, but Rosalie said I needed Jasper to know that I had options. _

"_Bella," Jasper nods his head as a greeting when I finally look up. _

"_Hey, Jas," I say with a small smile. _

_The click of high heels gets louder as Jessica and Lauren enter the room, "Have any of you seen Mike? I need to talk to him," Jessica huffs in annoyance. _

"_He's on his way," Tyler says at the end of the table. "Hey Lauren, come sit with me." _

"_Okay!" she agrees immediately, but right when she takes a step forward, Jessica yanks her back. "She can't. She's helping me look for Mike."_

_Both Tyler and Lauren look upset. _

"_Damn, Jess. Leave her alone. It's obvious she wants to sit next to Ty—"_

"_Did I _say_ you could talk?" Jessica cuts me off, and the entire table goes silent. _

_Emmett feels a fight brewing and puts a hand on my thigh to keep me still, "Whoa, ladies, please. Not without mud and bikini's." _

_Some of the guys laugh. _

"_You have _one _more time to insult me tonight Jessica." I level my gaze at her. _

_Her over-glossed lips pull into an evil smirk. She puts her hand on her hip and leans towards me. "And what are you going to do Bella? Rosalie isn't here to protect you is she?" _

"_You want to know something about that girl Mike's meeting tonight?" I slap Emmett's hands away and stand up at the table. _

_Jessica's eyes narrow, "As if you know something that I don't. Get real, Bella. No one tells you shit, except for Rosalie, and she doesn't give a damn about Mike." _

_I scoff and shake my head. "You're really one dumb broad, you know that?" _

"_Bella," Emmett says warningly. _

_I bite my lip and shake my head. I need to calm down. She could ruin me if she wanted, and I'm pushing her right to the edge. But fuck, she annoys me. _

"_It's me," I tell her, enjoying the look of shock on her face. "Mike is meeting _me _here tonight." _

-x-

Rose is pissed, and she's taking out on the entire squad. She's making everyone sprint back and forth across the field. That's _after_ she's already made them rehearse next week's half time number several times while yelling out every flaw imaginable in the routine. It's exhausting to watch, which is exactly what I'm doing—_watching_.

Rosalie has benched me because of my ankle, but she also told everyone that until I 'learn my lesson,' they will all suffer the consequences. Usually I wouldn't give a flying rat's ass if my cheer mates fell down a flight of stairs, but we have two new additions to the squad this year, Mike Chang and Katie Stone, two totally awesome people and the only ones I consider actual friends, besides Rosalie and Emmett.

Needless to say, this could get ugly if I don't stop this madness right now.

"Fine!" I shout at Rosalie, who looks at me and then blows her whistle for everyone to bring it in. "You're done. Get out of my face." She waves them off, but grabs Jessica's arm as she passes. "You need to work on your rhythm, Stanley, or I'm putting you in the back of the formation."

"My rhythm is just fine, thank you," Jessica hisses angrily. "It's just hard to focus with that stupid new girl staring at me like she's in love with me or something."

I feel my cheeks flush with anger, and I stand up from the bench—ignoring the ache in my ankle as I do this—to walk over to Jessica. "She's watching your steps, not checking out your humongous ass."

"Watch it," Jessica shoves a finger in my face. "Don't think for a second that I don't know about you and Cullen at Jennifer's party that night."

My heart. Fucking. Stops.

"That's right, Swan." Her eyes gleam and her smirk is triumphant. "Your ass is mine if you want to keep seeing Jasper."

I start to feel light headed, and I slowly take two steps backward until the backs of my legs hit the bench, and I slump down. "_How…?_" I'm in shock. Why wait until now to throw this in my face?

"How I know is _so _unimportant. All you need to care about is that I know, and I can tell anyone whenever I want," she shrugs.

Rosalie moves to stand partially between Jessica and me. "I'm sorry," she scoffs in disbelief, "but are you blackmailing my best friend in front of me? Have you lost your sense of importance in this equation? I can _ruin_ you."

Jessica doesn't appear to be intimidated in the least. "Not unless you want Bella ruined in the process. Can you imagine what people will say when they find out that little Bella Swan is actually a big dirty whore?"

I gasp. How _much _of that night does she actually _know?_

"Be _very_ careful with what you say next, Jessica," Rosalie growls. "I haven't been in the greatest of moods lately, which means I won't hesitate to blackball you from every social occasion until graduation."

_Now _Jessica looks nervous. "Just…" Her eyes dart to mine and then back at Rosalie's as she starts to back away slowly. "Keep _her _away from me." She points at me as if I'm some sort of untamed dog that she wants put on a leash.

"Not a problem," Rosalie says without blinking. "Now get the fuck out of my face before I change my mind about letting this go. Don't you _ever _threaten Bella again, if you know what's good for you."

I wait until Jessica's inside the locker room before I speak again. "Rose…" my voice cracks, and she whirls around to glare at me.

"Shut up," she snaps. "Grab your shit and wait for me at my car. I'm going to change and have a few words with the rest of the squad. Do _not _go anywhere but straight to the car."

I gulp and nod without argument. I'm too shaken by Jessica's revelation to do anything but whatever Rosalie tells me to do. I tell myself to calm down. Rosalie will take care of everything.

Everything is going to be okay.

But when I get to Rosalie's Mercedes, I freeze. There, standing not five feet away, is Cullen discreetly passing Tyler Crowley drugs, while trying to play it off as a handshake. When Tyler walks away, Cullen leans against his car and crosses his arms. His head lifts and I know I should duck and hide, but it's too late. He sees me.

I expect for him to storm over and manhandle me. I find that I'm trembling where I stand because I _want _him to grab me roughly and force his mouth onto mine. Cullen takes what he wants; he doesn't wait to see if it's okay or if he's being insensitive. Jasper has manners and knows when to touch and when to keep his hands to himself. He's bold sometimes, but if I ever actually said _no _and meant it? He'd stop.

Cullen never stops. He doesn't understand no. To him, no means yes. Yes mean yes. Maybe means yes. Everything means yes—yes—_yes_. Unconsciously my hand moves to my throat and then slides down over my chest. I can't look away from him.

He must get a phone call right then, because he blinks and breaks eye contact, pulling his phone out and answering it. I use this distraction to quickly duck behind the passenger side of Rosalie's car. I slide down the side of the car and sit on the pebbly asphalt, with no intention of moving until Cullen leaves the parking lot.

I really need to tell Rose the truth about what happened that night.

-x-

_Jessica is furious, but I don't care. It's been almost an hour, and there's still no sign of Mike. I'd be _über-pissed_, except I don't really care. I'm not into Mike anyway. He has a baby face, and I like rugged, devil-may-care boys who don't give a shit what they look like. That's not to say that I don't _want _them to be hot and sexy and all of the above; a girl has to have standards after all. _

_I slip out the sliding glass door that leads to the backyard and lean against the rail at the end of the porch. Like all the houses in this richy-poo area, it has an Olympic sized pool and Jacuzzi. It's never hot enough to swim in Forks, so I have no idea what the fuck the point is. _

"_Hey Bella!" someone says, and I turn to my left to see Tanya Denali seated beside her sister Irina. I'm surprised to see one of them because Tanya graduated last year. Irina is one of the cheerleaders on the squad, she's neutral when it comes to Jessica's games. _

"_Hey Tanya," I say, nodding. "Irina." Both are incredibly __tall and beautiful. Tanya has strawberry blond ringlets and the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Irina is the same, except that her hair is slick straight. They're almost as stunning as Rosalie. _

"_Wanna share the rest of this with us?" Tanya holds out the end of a half smoked blunt to me. _

_I consider this and shrug, "Why not?" I sit down beside them and inhale. "Nice," I nod my head at the taste and smell of the weed. "Where'd you get it?" I ask and blow the smoke past my lips away from their faces. _

"_Royce King," Irina says with a small secret smile. _

_I wrinkle my nose and wonder if they're fucking. I mean, don't get me wrong, Royce is a total babe. He has this whole Damon Salvatore thing going for him, but he goes to La Push High. Loserville with a capitol L. I know I sound snobby, but it's the damn truth, okay? Don't judge me. _

"_Royce King is here?" I snort. "At a Spartan party?" _

_Tanya nods her head. "Those three guys from La Push do a lot of business here in Forks now, since Laurent graduated."_

_I take another hit, "What three guys?" _

"_Royce, Jacob, and Cullen," Irina says, holding her hand out for me to pass to her. _

"_Oh." I frown in deep thought. "My dad pulls them over all the time. He says the way Cullen drives, he's going to be dead before he's 21." I start to laugh because for some reason this is really fucking hilarious to me right now. _

_The Denali girls laugh because I'm laughing, and then we're all laughing. _

"_Well," Tanya starts, exhaling her last pass before standing up. "I'm only here for the night, and then I'm going back to Seattle, so let's mingle, Irina. It was good to see you again, Bella. Tell Rose I said hi, will you?" she winks._

_I nod my head and suck on the last hit of the blunt before I crush it beneath my shoe. It's cold outside, and the weed makes my skin more sensitive to the temperature. I shiver and rub my hands up and down my bare arms. I'm wearing dark colored jeggings and a low-cut, black halter top. Rosalie told me I needed to look super hot tonight so that Mike would go crazy and Jasper would get jealous. _

_I usually don't like to play games, but I hardly ever say no to Rosalie. _

_I stand up again and move to lean against the railing once more time. I really want a cigarette. I flinch when I hear the flick of a lighter to my right, and I turn to see someone sitting in a dark corner, lighting the end of what I want the most right now. I lick my chapped lips and smear what's left of my lip gloss across them. _

"_Hey, you," I say to the guy with a black hoodie drawn over his head. "Can I have one of those?" _

_The pack is tossed at me, and next comes the lighter. I almost drop them and scowl at the thrower. But he's still letting me have one of his cigarettes for free, so I guess I can't complain. I ignite the lighter and watch the flame for a few seconds before touching to the end of my cancer stick and inhaling. It's a menthol, and it feels cool going down my lungs after the burn of the weed from before. The minty taste makes me smack my lips and smile to myself. _

_I hold the pack and lighter out for the guy to take, and he leans forward to retrieve them. His fingertips slide over my wrist when he does, and my skin breaks out into gooseflesh. I shiver and stare at his hooded head curiously. _

"_Take your hood off," I say, tilting my head at him. _

_He leans back in his chair and continues to smoke his own cigarette. "Why?" he replies in a smooth voice that adds to his mysteriousness. _

"_I want to know who to thank for this," I say, holding the menthol up and exhaling a cloud of smoke toward him. _

_He adds to the haze with his own exhale and stands up. He's almost a foot taller than me, and I back away, slightly intimidated. He joins me at the patio rail and leans against it. I do the same, and we smoke in silence and stare out at the pool. _

"_Why aren't you inside?" he mutters, blowing smoke through his nose. It's the only thing I can see of him, and it's pointed but not too much. I see a preview of his chin when he takes another pull from his smoke, and it's slightly stubbled and leads to a pair of full, pouty lips. _

_I'm instantly attracted to him, and I haven't even seen his whole face. His body build is lean and strong, athletic, but not too bulky. He's like Jasper, but taller and less frat boy. His shoulders are broad, and his chest is magnificent, his sweater is pulled tight across it, and I want to rub my fingers over its surface. _

_I guess now is a good time to say that I get horny when I'm high. _

"_Why aren't _you_ inside?" I tease him instead of answering his previous question. _

"_I asked you first," he chuckles, flicking the butt end of his cigarette into the bushes below us. _

_I lean on my side to face him, "What is your name?" I arch my brow. _

"_You ask a lot of questions for someone who refuses to answer mine," he replies, and I watch the tip of his tongue wet those glorious lips of his. _

_I huff and turn back to the pool. "I'm waiting for someone," I mutter, smashing my cigarette into the wooden patio. "I'm starting to think he stood me up." _

"_Who is he?" his voice is dangerously close to my ear and a spark of recognition hits me. _

_I close my eyes and breathe through my nose. "No one important right now," I whisper and wait for him to speak again. I'm almost positive I know who is beside me right now. _

_I feel fingertips slide up my arm and across my collarbone, "Who the fuck would be stupid enough to keep someone like _you _waiting?" he asks no one, and my eyes fly open to stare at the shadow of his face. _

"_I guess his loss is your gain, huh?" I reply boldly. "Take off your hood."_

"_Why?" he challenges me. _

_I place my hand over his fingers on my skin, "Take off your hood, Cullen," I demand__. _

_Without protest, he pulls the hood from his head, and my eyes move to his messy bronze hair and dark smoldering eyes. _

"_Hello, Bella," he smirks._

-x-

_No telling what tomorrow holds.  
>Who let, who let this feeling die, when all I did was try?<br>Who let, you let this feeling die,  
>I can't get you out of my head, my head.<br>You're the flame that burns me so I know that I'm still alive._

-x-

**AN:** This chapters title (and posted lyrics above) refers to the song Duality by Bayside.

**P.S. **I understand if some of you are not happy with Bella's current relationship status. That's fine, you're entitled to your own opinion. I suppose I should bring to attention that the title of this story is the reality of this story… it's a slow burn. I hope you stick around, cuz I promise it will be worth it.

Laterz.


	5. The Requiem

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Twilight. _Drats._

**AN:** Thanks to my fic h00r, _**Jess**_; my awesome beta, _**ysar**_; and the Brooke to my Rachel, _**Lynn**_. As always, I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, reviewes this fic, and lurks this fic, **you da bomb!**

**Warning: **this chapter contains SMUT. If that offends you... don't read. Otherwise, ENJOY!**  
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-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you see his cum face for the first time.

**Ch. 5:** The Requiem

"_Hello, Bella." _

_I blink in surprise. "How do you know my name?" _

_He smirks and touches my cheek with his thumb. "I know everything about you, Isabella Swan…"_

_I gulp and turn my head. "How do you know my name?" I repeat, practically growling as I shoulder his arm away from me. _

"_Jacob Black," he says in defeat and leans against the rail again, but this time his side is pressed against mine. _

_I snort, "Of course." I shake my head. "Well I hope you know that he and I are _not _friends anymore," I snap. _

"_Really?" he teases me. "Hard to tell, what with the way you each act like the other one doesn't exist and all," he mutters sarcastically. _

_I turn to tell him to mind his business when I hear Jessica, on the other side of the glass door, asking if anyone's seen me. _

"_Shit," I curse under my breath. "You have to hide me." I look up at Cullen and clutch his sweater in my hands. "_Please_," I beg him. _

_His face hardens in concern. "Is someone bothering you?" _

_I pull on his sweater and start for the stairs. "No! Just come on! I don't feel like pretending to be sweet, little Isabella Swan right now, okay? Can you understand that? You look like a guy who plays a role. Don't you ever just want to be your fucking self sometimes?" _

_He removes my fingers from his sweater and links them with his own. "There's a pool house around back," he replies. _

_I grin at him. "Perfect, let's go." I yank him along with me. _

-x-

She doesn't get it. I didn't expect her to, but I also didn't expect that she'd see right past my bullshit of a lie. We're in Rosalie's car driving to God knows where because I don't dare ask Rose when her face is as stony as it is right now.

We're listening to the radio, which I know means she's not really listening to the music. She's thinking really hard. I know this because Rosalie despises the radio almost as much as I do. I like to listen to my music commercial-free, and what I like is hardly ever on the top 40 charts. If I was ever to admit to one thing, it would be that I am a total music snob. I make it my job to keep Rosalie's iPod up to date with mine because, without my help, she'd probably still be listening to Evanescence. _Cringe_.

"Okay," she says, turning down the radio. "I get why you're too scared to admit to everything that happened that night. You're probably embarrassed because he's an experienced guy, and he probably made you do things that you normally would never imagine doing..."

"_Sit up on there and unzip your pants," he says._

_I press my hands against his chest and push him away. "Excuse me?" _

_He laughs, "Come on, sweet tart. Don't act like you don't want this." He takes me by my waist and lifts me up so that my ass is on the washing machine. Behind me, I hear him turning knobs, and then I hear the swoosh of water pouring into the unit below me. _

"_What are you doing?" I gulp and stare up at him in amazement. _

_Cullen's grin makes me tremble lustfully. "This is not social hour, Swan. You wanted a distraction." He yanks my jeans down past my hips. "I'm giving you one." _

"Bella," Rose says, sounding irritated, but I'm still stuck in my memory of that night. I find that my heart is beating faster, and I'm breathing harder.

"Bella!" Rosalie shouts so loudly that I jump and bang my head on the window.

I curse under my breath and rub my head with my hand. "What?" I mumble crossly.

"You see," she smacks the steering wheel and points at me. "That right there? That zoning out thing that you do? That's what's I'm talking about when I say you need to get your head out of the clouds. When you're not in the present, you're in the past, or you're in whatever la la land you come up with inside your head. You're missing out on the little details that you really need to focus on, Bella. Look at what happened after practice! How the fuck does Jessica know? I _told _you to always have a handle on your surroundings. Didn't I say that to you?"

She slams her foot on the accelerator, and we pass a green Buick with an old lady who can barely see over her steering wheel. I would feel bad for her, except right now she's giving me the finger. I blink in shock and turn away from her crude gesture.

"I'm glad you feel the need to lecture me right now, Rose. Really, I am. Because at least I know where your priorities lie, and I can help you correct them." I glare at her profile. "We need to focus on you right now, not me, and most certainly not Cullen."

She laughs bitterly and gives me a shaming look. "Don't try to bullshit a bullshitter, Bella. I'm way better at it than you. Don't fuck with me right now. You're avoiding what happened that night. I just don't get why you feel the need to hide it from _me,_ of all people," she explains, sounding hurt.

It pains me to know that I've hurt her. I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "It's embarrassing," I whisper to her and avoid her gaze.

She waits a few beats before speaking. "So is my problem with…" she pauses and takes a breath, "my problem. But I still talk about it with you. Come on, Bella," I feel her hand on my knee, "if the tables were turned you'd be all over me to tell you what happened."

She's right.

We finally make it to where she's been driving, and I start to laugh softly. We're at our secret spot in the woods between Forks and La Push. This is where Rosalie taught me everything she knew about cheering, boys, and how to deal with the bitches at school. This is where she semi-admitted that she liked Emmett, and where I first told her about my crush on Jasper.

This is our meadow of confessions.

"You don't play fair," I say staring at the trail that leads to an opening in the woods. On the other side are the prettiest purple flowers and an amazing view of the Pacific Ocean.

She chuckles and opens her door. "I can't believe you already forgot one of the first things I taught you in this field."

I smirk and join her outside the car. "I remember," I reply softly, and shut my door.

"And what was that?" she asks challengingly.

We both start walking, pausing when we reach the front of the car together. She links arms with me, and we start for the trail.

"There is no such thing as fair," I say and lean my head against her shoulder.

-x-

_The pool house is more like a guesthouse. It's mostly made of glass, sliding doors and very thin, gauzy curtains. The floors are hardwood, and there is one giant bed in the front room, with a small kitchen in the back. It's very clean and white inside, and I feel like I'm in the O.C., walking through Ryan Atwood's bedroom at the Cohen's. _

_It's obviously vacant and hasn't been used in a while, but Cullen and I don't want to take the chance that anyone else could come in, too. So we hide in the laundry room that we find behind a door inside the kitchen. When we walk inside there's a light bulb that hangs overhead, and I watch Cullen pull the string that lights up the room. He takes out a small bag of weed and an unopened cigar. _

"_Want?" He holds it up and looks at me expectantly. _

_I want to shake my head and say no. I'm still sort of buzzed from the weed I smoked with Tanya and Irina. But I don't want to look like a wimp, so I nod my head. He nods in reply, apparently satisfied with my answer. I feel like I've just won ten points or something, and I grin in response. _

_I watch as he looks around for something to work with and then grabs a clean towel from the cabinet behind him. He spreads it out on top of the washer and dryer and opens the little baggy to drop the weed onto the towel. I lean against the dryer and watch him work. His long, nimble fingers pull the dried-up plant apart into smaller portions. _

"_Here," he says, handing me the thin cigar wrapped in crinkly cellophane. _

_I hold the thing in my hand and look at him, confused. "Here, what?" I ask. _

_He laughs at me like I've done something cute, and then he pulls something from his back pocket. I hear a click, and he brings out a fucking switchblade. I pause, holding my breath, as he takes the cigar from my hand, unwraps it, and throws the plastic on the floor. He presses the sharpest end of the knife at the top of the cigar and slices it down the middle. Then he folds the blade back down into its handle and slips it back into his pocket. _

_I can breathe again. _

_Cullen guts the tobacco from the cigar and spills it on the ground at our feet. I take a step away because I don't want it to land on my Converse. He chuckles and then starts to put the weed into the now empty cigar paper. He packs it as much as will fit and then tells me to come closer. He lifts it to my mouth and tells me to lick the top so he can fold it over. _

_I hesitate. But he's standing there waiting for me, and it's obviously nothing sexual to him right now. So I slide the tip of my tongue past my lips and do as he says. I wait for him to wrap it over, but he's staring at my mouth. I clear my throat, and he snaps out of whatever thought was in his head. He wraps it up and licks it himself, using more spit than I did. Normally, I would think it was gross, but he looks so fucking sexy while he does it that I feel my heart rate rising. His lighter comes out, and he flicks it on. I watch him move the flame up and down the moist side of the cigar until it's dry. _

"_So that's how those are made," I say out loud before I can stop myself. I blush and look away because I bet he thinks I'm a sheltered dork now. _

_He doesn't say anything in response, and for that I'm grateful. Instead, he puts one end of the blunt to his lips and ignites the other end while he inhales deeply. He holds his breath so that the smoke can fill his lungs, and he stares at the red ember at the tip of the blunt. I watch him exhale a little over the end so that the ash falls to the ground. He pushes the rest of the smoke into the air, and it's so small in the room that I bet we can hot box it. _

_When it's my turn, he watches me intently. It makes me nervous—_he _makes me nervous. My right hand is shaky from my discomfort, so I take it with my left. I'm not left-handed, so it feels a little weird, but not that much. I inhale and immediately start choking. My throat is on fire, and Cullen takes the blunt from my hand before I drop it. _

_I keep choking and gasping for air, and then I start to panic. My eyes are watering, and my chest burns, and my lungs need air, and my throat is raw, and I feel like I might throw up. I feel Cullen's hand on my back, sliding up and down my spine soothingly, and then he tells me to calm down. He says that I'm going to be fine and that he should have warned me not to inhale so deeply. Apparently his shit is a lot stronger than what he sells everyone else. _

_Then he starts to chuckle. "You're going to be so fucked up in a few minutes."_

_My body is trembling from my somewhat traumatic experience, and I don't even care that I'm clinging to his chest. I make him stay there while I try to tell my body to calm the fuck down and convince it that we're going to live. Cullen takes a deep drag and then turns his head to me; I look up at him curiously, and he points to his mouth with the same hand that has the blunt held between two fingers. _

_I don't really think I understand what he's trying to tell me, but if it's what I think it is… I lick my lips and push up to my tip toes. I angle my face so that my mouth aligns with his, and I part my lips slightly. He swoops down, and his mouth is on mine. His tongue barely touches my bottom lip as he exhales his smoke into my lungs. _

_It's the hottest fucking thing ever. _

_I shiver and press my chest into his, and his arm slides from around my shoulders down to my lower back. I pull some air through my teeth to push the smoke deeper into my lungs, and then I exhale away from our faces. When my lungs are clear, I lick my lips and stare at his mouth. _

"_Do that again," I tell him. _

_He takes a smaller hit and leans over. I bring my mouth to his again, and this time he presses his lips very softly to mine like a lover's kiss. When I open up he exhales into my mouth, and I in return inhale whatever he gives me. But in the process, his hand slides down to cup my ass, and I'd gasp in surprise, but I have no room in my lungs to do so. _

"_I think we're done smoking," he breathes into my ear as I exhale behind his back. _

_He pulls back and tells me to open my mouth. I'm confused, but I think he's going to shotgun me again. So I wait for him to do so; only he doesn't do that. Instead, he raises his free hand and sticks his index finger between my lips. _

"_Suck," he murmurs. "Swirl your tongue around it." _

Oh. My. God.

_Normal Bella is supposed to tell him to go to hell. Good girls do not behave like 50-cent hookers. But when he wiggles his finger over my tongue, I find that I'm doing exactly as he says. I know he's turned on because the look in his eyes is predatory, watching me make out with his finger. I begin to hope that he's going to finger me within the next two minutes, and I start to grow very, very wet. _

"_Stop," he commands, and I do. "Open," he says, and my lips part. He pulls his finger out, my saliva all over it, and licks his dry thumb before he presses both wet fingers to the lit end of the blunt, and it dies out. _

_I don't even know that I'm panting until I see that he's staring at my chest, and it moves up and down very fast. I press a hand to my collarbone, and I feel my heart banging away like a little monster screaming to be let out. I whimper unconsciously when he steps closer and looms over me. _

"_Relax," he tells me. My eyes are still wide as I watch him put the blunt up on a shelf for safe keeping, and he puts his hand on the towel and shoves it off and to the ground. He takes another step, and his front is against mine. _

"_Sit up on there and unzip your pants," he says._

_I press my hands against his chest and push him away. "Excuse me?"_

_He laughs, "Come on, sweet tart. Don't act like you don't want this." He takes me by my waist and lifts me up so that my ass is on the washing machine. Behind me, I hear him turning knobs, and then I hear the swoosh of water pouring into the unit below me. _

"_What are you doing?" I gulp and stare up at him in amazement. _

_Cullen's grin makes me tremble lustfully. "This is not social hour, Swan. You wanted a distraction." He yanks my jeans down past my hips. "I'm giving you one." _

_I gasp with an "Oh my God," leaving my lips. _

"_No, just me," he says, smirking crookedly. _

"_I'm not having sex with you," I insist, my voice hoarse as it cracks nervously. _

_He chuckles, the sound rumbling deep within his chest. "Good. Because I'm not having sex with you, either." _

_I flinch in surprise. Usually I have to hear whining after this. _

Why not? Can't I just stick in the tip? I promise I won't come inside you. Come on, Bella, please!

_This is a nice change of pace but I'm slightly offended for some reason. _

"_Why not?" I mutter, offended. "I will have you know that there is a roomful of guys in that party that would love t—"_

_His hand presses over my mouth firmly. "Tonight," he says, his eyes boring into mine as if making a promise. "We're not having sex _tonight_." _

_Which mean he intends to have sex some _other _night. My heart rate starts up again. How can this guy be this damn sexy? He's only what? Seventeen years old? How long has this guy been seventeen? No fucking way can he be this smooth unless he's an actor on the freaking CW._

_I slide his hand from my mouth. "What makes you so sure you have more than one night with me, Cullen?" _

_He grins and plays with the top elastic on my panties. "I've been waiting a very, very long time for this moment, Bella." _

_I gulp at the intensity in his jade irises. _

"_I guarantee you will give yourself over to me before the night is done." He's challenging me, and I'm game for playing along, but goddamn, how do you go against a master like him? His face moves closer; he nuzzles my nose with his and then buries his face in my neck, inhaling my scent. "I'm going to make you come so hard, baby…" he breathes across my throat. _

_I want him so badly that I can't breathe right. I feel something inside of me snap, and suddenly my hands are tugging at his sweater and tearing it over his head. Placing both my hands on his face, I pull him to me and smash my mouth against his. Neither of us holds back after that. _

_His hands are hungry, and his mouth is aggressive. He bites. My lip. My tongue. My neck. My shoulder. I whimper every time I feel his teeth touch my flesh. I want him. Everywhere. His hands bunch the flesh of my breasts between his fingers, and I'm so glad I didn't wear a bra tonight. Instinctively, my hands go to the back of my neck, and I pull apart the strings that hold my top together. _

_He doesn't need me to say anything. He pulls it over my head, and then his mouth is on me before I can react. I cry out when I feel him pinch and knead and suck on my puckered nipples. I stick my chest out and hold him to me. The washer is filled with water now, and right when it starts shake, Cullen slips his fingers inside my panties and caresses my highly sensitive clit. The vibration below my ass sends buzzing tingles straight between my legs, and Cullen's exploring fingers send me over the edge. _

"_Oh!" I moan. "Oh my God, Cullen!" I pull his hair between my fingers and start whimpering into his shoulder. _

"_Don't call me Cullen," he says before mauling my lips with his. "And take these off," he growls. I hear my underwear stretch and rip as he yanks them down my legs. _

"_Edward, I need you," I cry out. I want him on me again. _

_He pauses and stares at me. I almost ask him what's wrong, but then he blinks. "Say it again," he demands, his words husky and full of want. _

_My body is trembling as I sit naked atop a shaking washing machine. I reach out for him and slide my hands up his shirt. "I need you," I whisper onto his chin and slowly start to pull his shirt up his torso. "Edward…" I say his name again. _

"Fuck_," he pants heavily, "just hearing you say my name…" _

_I don't let him talk anymore. I stick my tongue in his mouth, and his shirt hits the floor. My hands wander down his muscled chest and his tight six-pack, and then my fingers are pulling at his belt. He watches me undo his pants and push them down over his hips. He looks completely vulnerable right then, and I find that I feel a pull inside my chest that's not only lust. I push past it and ignore it. _

_I slip my fingers into his boxers. "I want you," I reply, putting my hand over his fully erect cock. He's fucking huge, and I have to use both hands to fully appreciate everything he has. God bless America, he's hot and ready to go. _

_I slick the juice from his tip and palm his head, "I want you…" I say again, "in my mouth," I say against his chin and nibble him there. _

_He shudders, and his hands tighten on my waist. "And I will be," he growls, "but you come first." His eyes open and stare into mine. He puts his palm over my bare pussy and rubs it up and down the middle. _

_I moan and whimper and tremble in his hands. _

"_I want to kiss you," he whispers in my ear, and I turn my head so he can, but he shakes his head. I blink at him, confused, and he smirks before lowering down onto his knees. My eyes widen when grabs my ankles and jerks me forward so that my sex is right in front of his face. "I want to kiss you here." He kisses the inside of my thigh and my head lolls backwards. "And here." He kisses the inside of my other thigh. "And here." He takes a deep breath of what lies between my legs, and I moan and quietly start to beg him to continue. _

"_Edward," I say breathlessly, "Edward, please…" _

_I expect him to comment on how wet I am; most guys would. But once again, he surprises me, saying nothing of the sort. Instead, he wastes no time in slicking his whole tongue over me so that I feel every part of him run over every part of me. I scream and buck into his face as he spreads my legs wider apart. _

_He doesn't just lick me or tease me with the tip of his tongue on my clit. I quickly learn that Edward Cullen is quiet talented with his mouth, in so many ways. I wonder what I taste like, because he seems to be enjoying the fuck out of himself down there, and I can't help but start to see stars. I know I'm going to come soon. His tongue twists and turns and teases and flicks and—oh! I tighten my hold on his shoulder and arch my back. _

"_Edward," I start to cry, like _actually _fucking cry. "I want you up here when I come," I whimper, and he asks me how close I am. I tell him to get the fuck up here, and he wipes the back of his hand across his lips before they're on mine. His fingers go back to between my thighs, and I squeeze my arms around his neck. I taste a little of myself on him, and it should be gross, but its not. It's so, so not. _

"_Come on, Bella," he says in my ear, "give yourself to me. Say you're mine, tell me..." _

_I feel tears in my eyes, and I dig my fingers into his shoulders, "Yours! I'm yours, Edward!" I cry out as I come so fucking hard that I sob into his shoulder and slap his hand away when he keeps touching me. It's too much, I'm too fucking gone, and it feels like my entire body is lit up like Vegas. _

"_Kiss me," I pant, and hold him to me. I wrap my legs around him and feel his shaft between my legs. I'm still shaky and sensitive, but I rub against him anyway. He hisses and bites my shoulder. He curses out loud several times and tells me to stop or he's going to fuck me on the washer. _

"_Do it," I say to him. "I want you to." _

_He shakes his head and steps back so we're not touching down there anymore. "Your first time isn't going to be in a fucking laundry room, Bella," he snaps at me. _

_I flinch and wonder if it's just common knowledge to everyone around Forks and La Push that my name is Isabella Swan, and I'm a virgin. It pisses me off, and I'm so mad that I slap his shoulder and then pull him back to me while he's distracted. But nowhere near as shocked as I am when I take him in my hands and place him at my entrance. I thrust, and he starts to push in, and I yelp, "_Oh fuck!" _because seriously, oh fuck, that really freaking hurts. _

_I did not anticipate his girth; I only thought about his length and how I would probably feel it in my stomach. It's _that _big. It should have its own name. _

"_Shit!" he yells, yanking out of me and staring at me with wide, guilty eyes. "Fuck, I'm sorry." _

_I don't know why he's sorry. I'm the one who shoved him up there. I shake my head. "Don't be. I wanted it." _

_His face falls, and he kisses my forehead, "Don't rush this," he says to me. "It's a slow burn…" He takes my hand and puts it on his still hard cock. "I need you, Bella," he whispers and breathes deeply. I stroke him a few times, and he's putty in my hands._

_He's _mine_ right now. It's a very thrilling feeling to have; it turns me on. I slide off the washer that's now done with its cycle and sits silent. When I'm on my feet, I press my palms against Cullen's naked chest and kiss each of his nipples. He closes his eyes, and I bite and pull at both of them, giggling when he curses under his breath and his dick twitches and jerks in my hand. _

_Then I drop to my knees and use his sweater to keep them from hurting too badly while I do this. I take him back into my hands and look up at him so that our eyes lock. I lean in and lick the underside of his shaft. He breathes harder, but his eyes don't leave mine. He puts one of his hands in my hair and fists a handful of it tightly. It hurts, but it's a stimulant, and without hesitating, I take him into my mouth. _

"_Sssshit! Oh, Bella—fuck!" he shouts in the room. He thrusts his hips forward, and I end up taking in more of him than I'm comfortable with. I'm about to gag, but somehow I get my reflex under control. I work my way back up and then back down. _

_I need to watch a YouTube video or something; I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. But judging from the sounds he's making, I'm sure I'm doing okay. There is just no fucking way I can handle deep throating his entire cock, so I use my hands to twist and squeeze the part of him that my mouth doesn't touch. His hand in my hair pulls me back and pushes me forward at whatever pace he wants me to suck him off at. I allow him that control because I want him to feel as good as he'd made me feel just before. _

_When my jaw gets sore, I pop him out of my mouth and tongue his balls. He slaps a hand onto the washer and the bang echoes in the room. I alternate between the two, and then he says he's almost there and tells me to stand up. I shake my head no, and he yanks on my hair until I'm on my feet and then crashes his mouth onto mine. _

_I shove him away from me and pull his hand out of my hair. "Stop," I say and move back to my knees. _

"_Bella," he warns me, but he doesn't pull me back up either. So I suck him until he snaps that he's about to come. I don't swallow, not yet anyway. _

"_Come on me…" I say and look up at him through fluttering lashes. _

_He's gasping and gripping my hair. "Huh?" _

"_I want you to cum on me," I lick my lips and look down at my chest. "Right here," I whisper and bunch my breasts together in front of him._

"_Oh fuck," he pants, "that is the hottest fucking…" He doesn't finish because his face twists up, and I now know that he kind of quacks like a duck when he comes. It spurts out right where I told him to, and it runs down my chest. _

"_You are so fucking hot," he says in total disbelief. He bends over and grabs his shirt. I move to take it and clean myself off, but he shakes his head and does it for me. Gently. "You didn't have to do that," he mumbles as he concentrates on wiping my tits until they shine, apparently. _

"_I wanted to," is my answer to him. _

_He stops wiping and cups my face. "C'mere," he whispers, and we kiss, lips touching softly, tongues barely touching. It's sweet and sensual, and I've _never _experienced a kiss that literally makes my toes curl. I almost want to pop my fucking foot like in a fairytale. _

_We dress each other. We don't talk or share secret smiles as we do this, either. I raise my arms over my head, and he pulls my halter on, and then I turn around, and he ties the back. He doesn't put his shirt back on because, _ew_. Instead, I help him pull his hoodie over his magnificent model body, and right before I pull it down over his torso, I press one last kiss over his left pec. Which just so happens to be where his heart lies, but I swear I didn't mean for it to be so movie-esque. I worry that he might think I'm too girly and that I'm going to be clingy now. Because I'm so not _that _girl, he can relax. _

_He pulls on his own pants, but I zip them up and button them. I loop his belt and pull it through the buckle. I search the room for my panties before I slip on my jeggings, and I can't find them anywhere. I look behind the washer, and when I do, Edward slaps my bare ass. I yelp and throw him a dirty look, and then I see that he has my underwear dangling on his index finger. I reach for them, and he raises them high over my head. _

"_These are mine." He has the audacity to slip them in his back pocket as if they were a handkerchief. _

_Then he leans down and holds my jeggings out for me to put my legs through. I glare at him as I put each foot through the pant legs. He pretends like he doesn't see my disapproval and hikes the skin tight jeans/leggings up over my hips. _

"_These things leave nothing to the imagination," he comments and slides his hands over my now covered ass. "Do you wear these all the time?" _

"_Only when Rosalie makes me," I admit truthfully._

_He smirks and pulls my face up to kiss me again. "Come home with me," he asks softly. _

_I'm completely taken back. "W-what?" _

"_It's my place. No one will be there, just you and me," he adds as if trying to convince me. I'm curious as to what he means by 'his place' and ask him as much. "It's _my _place, how does that not compute?" His eyes narrow. "I have my own apartment, Bella."_

"_But what about your parents?" I ask dumbly, "Where are they?" _

"_Moms gone; Dad's a shithead. I've been emancipated since I turned sixteen," he tells me. I'm beyond shocked that he would offer up such personal information, and judging by the look of utter surprise on his face, I'm betting he wasn't expecting to say that much either. _

_His thumb slides over my lips delicately. "I'm not ready to end my night with you. Come home with me," he asks, almost like he's begging. _

"_What will we do there?" I'm totally playing hard to get with my suddenly innocent act. He sees right through me though. _

"_I'm sure we can think of a few things," he sighs. _

_I smile, "Okay." _

-x-

"Okay, um… wow." Rosalie runs her slim fingers through her golden hair.

I continue to pull the petals off of the little purple flower in my hand. I should feel ashamed for the way I acted with a guy I didn't know. But if asked, I would never take back that experience with Edward. I felt confident and sexy and _myself_.

Did that mean I was a whore?

"Okay," Rosalie says, trying to find words again. "I wasn't expecting _that,_ but okay."

My flower has no more petals, so I grab another one and start my assault.

Rose turns to me. "Do you… like him?" Her eyes show worry, but she's maintaining a blank face otherwise. If it were anyone other than me, she'd appear as if whatever answer she heard wouldn't matter. But I'm not anyone, and I know that my answer will change lives.

It sounds dramatic, even to me, but damned if it isn't true.

I gulp and pull a petal. "I, uh… it doesn't…" I fiddle with the stem. "It doesn't matter," I huff and throw the flower as far as it will go.

"_Shit_," she mutters under her breath. "This is so much worse than when you had to deal with that shit with James."

I cringe and look away from her. James is a part of my life best left in the past. He's like Voldemort to me in a way, he who shall not be named. I don't like to talk about him because he was an asshole, and there isn't much to say.

"Bella," Rosalie takes my hand, "look at me."

I hesitate to turn my face. She sighs and squeezes my hand, and I feel my bottom lip start to tremble. She was so right; I should have never kept this from her. I didn't realize how much I was holding back until right this moment. My chest is heavy, my eyes are welling, and I want to cry and throw up and scream all at the same time.

"Look at me, Bella," she tells me as she starts to rub my shoulder to comfort me. When I finally do get the courage to lift my gaze to hers, she smiles and says, "It's going to be okay."

She's lying. And not just about me. She's lying about herself, too. Now I really feel like crying. I don't know how to handle this. Rose is the one with the answers, not me. How am I supposed to deal with Cullen and watch out for Rose? Making sure Rose doesn't stray off her path is a full time job. She's emotional, and any little thing could set her off.

"Just admit that you like him, and we can go from there," she says, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I go to pick another flower and hesitate. I sigh and close my eyes. "I like him," I mumble very softly. I'm hoping the breeze will carry my confession away with it. I don't want to admit to anything. I want to continue my charade with Jasper because if I keep that going, eventually I'm going to start to believe it.

I really do like Jasper, I do.

But he's not Cullen.

_Shit_.

"It doesn't matter," I say. I shake my head and pull my hand back from Rose. "He's just like James," I shrug. "I'd be an idiot to fall back into that trap."

I hate how well Rose and I know each other. We can't even fucking lie to each other without the other one knowing its bullshit. I cover my face with my hands and groan. I don't want to be me right now. I don't want to be the girl who has the perfect guy and wants the shitty one. This is real life; Cullen will hurt me. Jasper won't.

"So what now?" I laugh bitterly to myself. "Jessica has me right where she wants me, and I'm not even sure if I care anymore."

"I'm thinking," Rosalie mutters.

I turn my head to see her staring out at the ocean view in front of us. I want to jump up and run as fast as I can to leap off the edge. I wonder if it would feel like flying or just feel like plummeting to my death. I think about today in the parking lot. Cullen's face was blank, but his eyes were calculating. It's always in the eyes. The truth.

I wonder what mine look like.

Rose clears her throat and then looks at me. "You know," she says, "it all really depends on which life you want to lead, Bella."

I touch my throat and slide my hand down to my chest, where I can feel my heartbeat beneath my palm. _Thump. Thump. Thump._ It's level right now. Normal.

"What's that?" I reply. My heart picks up one extra beat.

Rose takes all her hair in her hands and holds it on the top of her head while she looks out at the sky. "This life," she says as she lets her hair drop, "or _that _life." Her eyes shift to lock with mine.

"Which would you choose?" I start to chew on my lip nervously. My heart rate is no longer normal; it's gaining beats and thumping faster.

She sighs, and it's like there's this huge weight on her shoulders. "I already made my choice," she says and looks away from me again, "but this one is yours to make."

I gulp and nod my head. I'm not really sure what she means about making her own choice, but I'm too mixed up in my head to ask. Easy or hard? Rich or poor? Clear or confusing?

Jasper or Cullen?

I drop my head onto my knees, which I have pulled tight to my chest. I shouldn't have to think about this shit. I have a calculus quiz tomorrow in fifth period and a 500 word essay due in my econ class. I should be at home writing and studying.

"It's an easy choice," I mumble. "Cullen obviously just wanted a side piece," I snort and roll my eyes. "Jasper just wants _me,_ no one else, so I choose Jasper." I drop my hand to the ground and clench my fingers around a clump of grass. I pull it up by the roots and chuckle because I feel like Cullen has done the exact same thing to me.

Rose leans back and rests on the ground while she stairs up at the cloudless blue sky. "But what the hell does choosing Jasper matter if you want Cullen?" She rolls her head to stare up at me.

I bite my lip and shrug. My nose tingles, and my eyes sting. I shrug again, and she sighs and holds her hand out for me. I take it, and she pulls me down to lay next to her.

"It's fine," she laughs softly. "It's just high school anyways. It's not like you're going to fucking get married or anything, okay?"

I nod and press my forehead to her shoulder. She kisses the top of my head, and I feel a comfort I never got from my own mother.

-x-

_I'm giddy as we make our way out of the pool house and to the patio that leads inside. Cullen pauses and lifts my hand to his lips. He kisses my palm and tells me he'll be right back; he has to tell his boys that he's leaving. I nod my head and go inside, while he walks out the back gate to the front of the house._

_When I walk back into the party, it's like I'm seeing everything for the first time. Laughing teenagers, giggling girls flirting with horny boys. Someone's break dancing in the middle of the room, and everyone is circled around cheering. I make my way through them, and I don't know what song is playing, but I love it. I love the way I feel right now. Free and alive. _

_I have never felt this alive. I feel like I'm plugged into an outlet. I feel like I'm fucking _glowing_. I could be a firefly for all I know. _

_I run into Tyler, and he tells me that Mike is here, and he's been looking for me. I feel I owe Mike an explanation as to why I'm leaving the party without him. Then I pause because, hello? Didn't he make me think that he stood me up in the first place?_

_Someone shouts my name, and I raise my hand and wave because I have no intention of stopping. I want to find Emmett and tell him I'm leaving. Then I realize that I'm the fucking DD tonight. _Shit_. I need to find them someone else to drive them home. _

"_Bella!" There's that shout again. Once again I raise my hand and wave in that direction, but then fingers clamp down around my wrist and pull me around. "Bella, hey!" It's Mike Newton. _

_My eyes widen. "Mike! Uh, hey," I reply awkwardly. _

"_Listen, I'm really sorry about being so late. I had to pick up my little brother and his friends from the movies and then drive them all home. I tried to call you." His eyes are like two glass marbles. _

"_You did?" I say with a frown as I pull out my phone, and sure enough, there are missed calls and text messages. But they all occurred around the same time I was playing doctor with Cullen. I smirk at my analogy, and Mike smiles at me because he thinks he's forgiven. _

"_So, look I'm thinking we catch up on lost time." His arm slips around my waist. "Wanna go somewhere more quiet?" _

_Uhhh… no?_

_I laugh instead and shake my head. "Nice try," I laugh again. _

_He grins, and that baby face is just not doing it for me. "Ah, come on." His fingers touch the skin between my top and my jeans. "I don't bite." _

_Cullen does. I touch my shoulder and press my fingers into the teeth impressions he left behind. _

_I start to push Mike away. "I think I'm just gonna head home."_

"_What?" His face falls. "No! Come on, Bella. I just got here. I said I was sorry." _

_I glance back at him incredulously. "You made me wait here for like two hours, Newton. I thought you stood me up." _

"_But I tried to call you," he insists as he puts his hands on my waist and leans in. "Come on, baby… let me make it up to you." _

_I scowl and slap his hands away. "I'm not your baby." _

_He rolls his eyes, and his good boy act melts away. "What the fuck, Bella? Why are you being like this? I blew off Jessica for you. The least you could do is—"_

"_Oh! I'm so sorry!" I gasp sarcastically. "Please excuse me. I didn't mean to cock block. I'm sure you can find Jessica around; she's been looking for you." _

_He snatches up my wrist, and it hurts. "Don't be a bitch," he snaps. _

"_Let go of me!" I try to yank myself free. _

_He scowls, but then he looks over my shoulder and his mouth drops open just before a fist connects with his face. I yelp and jump away from the scuffle that starts between Mike and… _Cullen?

"_Cullen, stop!" I shout at him, but it's like he can't hear me. _

_He hits Mike over and over again repeatedly. There's blood, and I start to feel queasy. I'm shocked at the rage I see all over Edward's face, and I press a hand to my mouth. He looks terrifying, and when two guys shove past me to break up the fight, I gasp at how easily Cullen fights them off. He looks possessed and not at all like the guy I spent the past two hours with. _

_Unable to take it anymore, I turn and run out the front door. _

-x-

_God save us everyone  
>Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns<br>For the sins of our hand  
>The sins of our tongue<br>The sins of our father  
>The sins of our young<em>

-x-

**AN:** This chapters title (and posted lyrics above) refers to the song The Requiem by Linkin Park.

**See you next Friday. ** ;)


	6. Can I Fall Awake Now?

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine.

**Thanks you:** to my dearest bfff _**Jess**_; my awesome beta _**ysar**_; and always _**Lynn**_. I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, reviewes this fic, and lurks this fic, **cupcakes for everyone!**

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ he brings to your attention who you really are.

**Ch. 6:** Can I Fall Awake Now?

My fingers clench around the strap of my dark gray messenger bag as Dad rolls his police cruiser up to the front of school. He still won't let me drive myself because my ankle isn't healed yet. I was supposed to be dropped off at Rosalie's house this morning, but Dad had to get to work early today. I begged for him to wait until Rose could pick me up instead, but Dad's familiar with Rosalie's tardy tendencies. So I got a big, fat no this morning.

There's a long line in front of the school, and I can't believe this many kids get dropped off in the morning. I see Jennifer Ford, one of Jessica's bitch lackeys, get dropped off by the nicest Lincoln Town Car in Forks. I smirk as Dad rolls up beside her. She has no idea that I was the one who left the mess in her pool house's laundry room.

"I won't be able to pick you up, but I'll have Harry swing by on his way to pick up Jacob," Dad says and takes out his wallet.

"He's gonna drop me off first, right?" I ask in a panic.

Jake and I do not get along. Not since my sophomore year when I joined the cheerleading squad and he decided I 'sold out.' Screw him and everything about him. I didn't sell out to anybody. We weren't that close to begin with anyway. The only reason we were friends was because our dads were close, and Jake's Uncle Harry insisted that Jake show me around Forks when I first got here.

I know what you're thinking. But no, he never introduced me to Cullen or Royce during our friendship. Truth be told—that I _never_ shared with anyone—Jake warned me away from both of them, Royce and Cullen. He even once revealed to me that Royce was actually the lesser of the two evils. We only ever really saw each other when our dads hung out and forced us to join them. But now we're old enough to not be made to tag along with our dads.

Dad sighs and pulls out two fives from his worn, brown leather wallet. I now know what to get him for his birthday this year. "Does it matter, Bells? You and Jake need to get over whatever it is you fought about. Life is too short." He holds the money out for me. "Here, take it for lunch."

I roll my eyes and take the money. "But, Dad—"

"I don't want to hear it." He shakes his head and holds up his hand to silence me. "And don't try to get out of it by telling me one of your friends is going to take you home."

_Shit_.

I nibble my bottom lip, and a thought occurs to me. "But what about cheer practice?" I ask with new hope in my voice.

Dad chuckles, "Nice try. But with that ankle, I doubt you'll be doing anything but warming the bench."

My expression grows tight. I go in for the kill. "Daddy, _please_."

"You're holding up the line, Bella," he growls at me and hits a button on his side to unlock the doors. "I'll be home around dinnertime. Tell me what you want to eat before I get there, or I'm bringing home burgers again."

I frown and push open my door.

"Hey!" he shouts, and I pause and turn around. "You're not too old to say bye to your old dad yet, are you?" he asks in a way that makes me feel guilty. I sigh and lean inside the cruiser, putting one knee on the seat and reaching across the gearshift to hug my dad.

"Bye, Dad," I mumble and pull away.

"I love you, Bells," he says awkwardly but genuinely.

I smile and nod my head. "Love you, too."

I slip out and shoulder my bag as I wave a hand and watch him drive off. When I walk into the school, I frown and think about later. I really don't want to be trapped in a closed and confined metal box with Jacob Black. The last time it was just the two of us, we were 16, and I told him to get out of my room and butt out of my life.

We never spoke again.

I'm a few steps away from my locker when someone rams into my side so hard that I stumble and crash into the wall. I cringe and take a deep breath because I've definitely fucked up my ankle again. I look up and see Jessica walking down the hall with a hop in her step.

I really hate that bitch.

-x-

I make it all the way to lunch before Jasper corners me in one of the secluded spots at the back of school. I had just come out from the restroom when I felt a tug and saw his face, and suddenly I was pushed against a brick wall.

"You're avoiding me," he says, and his eyes are all over me, like he's searching for something. "Why?" his eyes narrow.

I gulp, "I'm not." I shake my head.

He rests his hands on either side of my head and leans into me. "I called you last night."

My eyes are staring at his mouth; he keeps licking his lips. It's distracting me. I take a deep breath and force my gaze into his. "No you didn't," I lie.

"Yes," he says and his face gets closer, "I did."

I start to feel very anxious, and I don't know why. "Well…" I clear my throat. "Then I didn't hear it."

Jasper continues to stare at me closely, and then he takes one of his hands off the wall and slides his index finger down the bridge of my nose and over my lips. "Is there something you want to tell me, Bella?" he whispers.

I freeze. "What?"

He frowns. "I saw Jessica body check you this morning in the halls."

I scoff. "Thanks for coming to see if I was okay." I'm angry to hear that he just walked away after seeing me meet the wall.

"What's going on with you guys?" He touches my face in concern. "Is this about Newton?"

I lean into his hand, and then I just move forward and wrap my arms around his neck. His hands rub up and down my back, and it's comforting. "I hate it here sometimes, Jasper," I admit to hm.

His arms go around me and squeeze tight. "I'll talk to her," he says into my hair. "I don't like to see you like this, baby. I thought it was me at first, but then I saw Jess this morning… I'm sorry I didn't do anything. I was just shocked, and when I started to go for you, I heard coach call for me."

"It's fine," I mumble into his shoulder.

He pulls me away to look at my face. He brings his hands up to cup my cheek and brushes his thumbs under my eyes. "No, it's not. But I promise you," he says and leans in, pressing his lips to my forehead, "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again." His words are spoken softly, and they touch me in a deep way.

I bite my lip and just rest my cheek on his shoulder again. "I don't want to eat lunch in the cafeteria today," I say to him.

His hand moves up and down my back soothingly. "Then we won't."

"I want to eat outside by ourselves," I mumble, "but I want Rosalie, too."

"Anything you want, baby," He continues to hold me in his arms.

"Emmett can come." I turn my face so that my nose is where his neck and shoulder meet. I inhale, loving the way he smells. I feel safe and comforted. I feel cared for.

He laughs, "Anything else?"

I shrug my shoulders. "No, just that."

"How's your ankle?" he asks.

I wrinkle my nose. "It hurts a little, but I'll be fine."

He doesn't warn me before he lifts me up into his arms, so I end up squeaking in surprise. "Can't have you walking around on that ankle anymore. I need my favorite cheerleader to get better and cheer me on at our next game." He winks at me.

I lean over and kiss his lips. He grins, and I shake my head and laugh at him. "Cornball." I mess up his hair with my fingers, and he doesn't argue or complain about it like I thought he would. I'm really beginning to worry that I'm actually starting to like this guy.

But that's a good thing, right?

-x-

"But what about cheerleading practice?" Rosalie frowns after school.

"I already _told _you like ten times," I grumble. "He doesn't care. I have to be outside in like five minutes, or it's my ass."

Rose snorts at this. "Come on, what would your dad actually do? Ground you?"

I glare at her. "Yes."

"For like a day." She rolls her eyes. "Bella, your dad adores you. I highly doubt he'd have the heart to actually say no to you."

"Well he sure did this morning when he said _no _to me like seventeen times!" I snap and slam my locker shut. "Look, whatever. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just tell me how to get through this." I drag my nails along my scalp and groan.

She pulls my hands away from my hair. "Don't be so dramatic. It'll be fine! I doubt he's going to just sit there and glare at you until you burst into flames."

She is so not funny.

"Walk me out." I grab her hand and start for the front of the school. "Oh, and I'm about three seconds away from going postal on Jessica."

"You and me both," Rose growls. "You know that bitch actually had the nerve to talk about Cullen at the lunch table today? I almost flew across the fucking table to choke her before Jasper came in. Good idea on eating outside today, by the way."

I smirk. "I have my moments."

We both share a small laugh until we step outside, and I stumble back a few steps in absolute fucking shock. I blink a few times because I'm convinced if I keep doing this the image in front of me will disappear, and I will realize I was just hallucinating. But it's not working. Why can't I just fucking be a psycho lunatic and have this not be real?

"What the hell is he doing here?" Rosalie whispers the question I'm asking myself.

I cringe and turn my entire body around. "Tell me that is not Cullen's car and that Jacob is not standing on the other side waiting for me."

She squeezes my hand. "That is not Cullen's car, Jacob is not standing there waiting for you, and Cullen did not just step out of the car to stare at you."

I peek over my shoulder and sure enough, they're both waiting by Cullen's car. Jacob looks impatient and Cullen just looks… bored.

"This was so not part of the fucking deal," I hiss through my teeth and pull out my phone to scream at my dad.

"No, wait!" Rosalie takes my phone away. "This could actually be a good thing."

I start to worry that maybe she is the one who's crazy.

"On what planet is this a good thing?" I ask her angrily.

Cullen honks his horn, and both Rosalie and I jump in surprise. I hear Jacob chuckle, and I flip him the bird before turning to talk to Rose.

"Closure," she says to me. "This is your closure, Bells. This is what you need to move on and let go. You're with Jasper now, and he's perfect. Tell me he's not perfect."

I can't tell her he's not. I nod my head and squeeze her hand. "Okay." I nod again. "You're right. This is fine. I mean, it's just a ride home anyways, right?"

"Right." She turns us around and starts for the steps.

My stomach tightens as we make our way closer. "Where's you uncle?" she asks Jacob, completely ignoring Cullen in the process. I keep my eyes glued to the ground and my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Something came up," Jake answers stonily. "I asked Cullen to help me out."

"Don't you have a car of your own?" Rosalie shoots back.

"In the shop," Jake growls at her. "Do you speak for Bella now, or does she have a voice of her own?"

_Touché, you little shit,_ I think to myself.

I lift my gaze and stare at him. "Don't be a dick, Jake."

"Whatever." He rolls his eyes and pulls the front seat forward so I can climb into the back.

I gulp and give Rosalie a hug. "Call me when you get home," she says, eyeing Cullen and Jake. "The _second _you get home."

I nod and then turn for the car. I start to climb into the back when I hear Cullen say, "Wait." My body freezes right where it is. "Jake, you climb in back."

I look up to see Jake's shocked face.

"The fuck?"

Cullen's eyes are cold. "Come on, Jake, you know better than to make a chick sit in the back. It's called manners, you rude ass motherfucker." I flinch at his language and then trade spots with Jake.

"This day just keeps getting better and better," Jake growls and climbs into the back. He pulls the seat down firmly, and I flinch because it's so obvious that he's furious at having to give up his seat to me. I'm not quite sure I want to ride in a car with a pissed off Quileute in the backseat.

My eyes move to look over the top of the car at Cullen. He's staring right at me, and I swallow nervously, an action that makes his gaze zero in on my mouth.

"Get in," he grunts and slams himself inside.

I throw Rosalie one last look and then slide into the passenger seat, and I'm not shocked when Cullen peels out of the parking lot.

-x-

No one says a word until we stop at the first stoplight, and Cullen goes for the radio. He switches it on and hits the AUX button. Under the stereo, he has his iPod plugged in, and without saying anything he drops the device in my lap. I blink and look up at him, but he's staring forward as if I've imagined the entire thing.

I scroll through his playlists and am surprised to see that he has a list with different people's names.

_Alice_

_Carlisle_

_Cullen_

_Esme_

_Jacob_

_Royce_

_Swan  
><em>

Upon reading the last playlist title I inhale quickly and look up at Cullen. He's still facing forward, and I click into the list labeled _Swan_. It has to be mine, right? Who the hell else could it be? I open it up and click the first song at the top.

_Stars _by The xx.

_I can give it all on the first date_

_I don't have to exist outside this place_

_And dear, know that I can change_

I gulp and slump lower in my seat with the iPod clutched in my hands. I see him turn slightly to look at me. I bite my bottom lip and start to nibble it as I think about what this means. And why the hell is this song so perfect to describe us on that night?

I listen to the lyrics and resist the urge to look up at Cullen every time a line in the song seems to fit our situation. Which would mean I'm staring at him through the entire song. Unable to handle it anymore, I press a button for the next song in the shuffle, and _Girls Like You_ by The Naked And Famous comes on. I just close my eyes and listen.

When I relax and start to just go with the flow, I feel the car swerve to flip a bitch, and I yelp and jump up to see what's happened. Then I realize that he's flipped the car around on purpose, parking us right behind a maroon charger with black racing stripes. I hit pause on the iPod and look over at Cullen, confused. He doesn't say anything—of course—but he gets out of the car and folds his seat for Jacob to get out. Then I see Royce King slip out from the driver's side of the Charger in front of us, and I start to get nervous.

Jacob gets out of the car angrily and glares at Cullen the whole time. "I can't believe you convinced me to do this," he growls and throws a look at me before he scowls at Cullen again. "If you…" He pauses and shakes his head. "Just remember what we talked about."

Cullen nods. I've come to learn that he is not a man of many words.

"You got one hour, and then I'm looking for you. I swear, Cullen, you're wasting your time and my patience." His eyes are alight with a fiery threat. "Just don't fucking forget what I said to you." He shakes his head and goes to the passenger side of the Charger, where he gets in and slams the door.

"Later." Royce salutes us and jumps in his car before peeling out. These guys definitely have a thing for fast cars and making noise.

Cullen waits until they're completely out of sight before he slips back into his car. He doesn't slam the door, but he shuts it firmly. I wait for him to start the engine again, but all he does is stare at the steering wheel instead. I play with the iPod in my hands while I wait to see if he's ever going to say anything. I sure as hell won't break the silence first.

He shakes his head and laughs quietly to himself, and then he reaches in front of me to open the glove box. There's a pack of cigarettes, along with a small black box and a handful of unopened cigars. He grabs the cigarettes and puts one between his lips. He holds the box out to me, and I shake my head. He shrugs and throws it back in the glove compartment, and then he slams it shut.

It's cold in his car, and I shiver and run my hands up and down my arms. I hear him flick his lighter and turn to see him light up and inhale deeply. The smoke comes out of his nose as he starts to shrug out of his leather jacket.

"Here," he mumbles around his cigarette and holds the jacket out to me.

I don't want to take it, but I don't want to be cold either. Besides, something tells me if I say no to him he'll put it on me anyway. He doesn't like to hear no; it's obvious in everything he does. He starts up the car and pulls back out onto the road. I start to think we're just going to drive to my house in silence, but when I press play on the iPod, he slaps the power button on the stereo, shutting it off.

I sigh in annoyance and cross my arms over my chest. "Why are you doing this?" I mumble.

He makes me wait a few beats before he answers. "You ask more questions than you answer." He blows a cloud of smoke out his window, and I start to chew on the inside of my cheek.

"Well I hope you know it's too late. Whatever it is you think you're going to say to convince me that you're not a—"

"Shut up!" he snaps angrily.

My mouth immediately snaps shut, and I hate that I always just obey every command he gives me, without question. As if I were the puppet and he were my master, I can almost feel him controlling my strings. He always knows with ones to pull.

"You said your piece the last time we were together. Now it's my turn." He flicks his cig out his window and rolls it up.

I want to ask him who Alice is. Angela hasn't given me shit to work with, and apparently Jessica isn't that concerned about cheating in History anymore. Lord knows she could find out about Alice if she wanted, probably without much effort. She knows about me and Cullen, which means she must know all kinds of secret shit that someone out there thinks is buried.

"Jessica knows," I reply against his wishes.

He doesn't seem to care very much, and that makes me angry.

"Did you hear me?" I ask, my voice getting louder.

"_Yes_." His tone is borderline irritated.

I cross my arms. "Well do you _care?_"

"You obviously do," he mutters. His face is twisted into this ugly scowl that makes me really uncomfortable. Mostly because I know it's there because of me. I don't want to be the reason he looks like he wants to kill someone.

"Pull over," I hiss at him. He ignores me, and I snap at him again, "I said pull over, _now!_"

He slams on the beaks, and the tires squeal as they skid against the concrete road. I smell rubber, and it burns my nose, but I'm so pissed that I don't even care. I whirl around to shout at him again but stop myself. He's breathing hard, and his eyes are murderous. His fingers clench the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles are pure white.

He cuts the engine and slams a hand onto the wheel so hard that I jump in my seat and feel every hair on my body stand on end. My mouth has run dry and my body is in flight mode, but my head and my heart want a fight. Why am I so stupid?

"_Goddamn it!_" he roars and hits the wheel again. This time the car honks when he slaps the horn.

"You're scaring me," I whisper in all honesty.

He starts to laugh. Low, bitter laughter that just add to my anxiety. My hand touches the door handle and my eyes dart to the lock. I watch him closely as he stares at the wheel, trying to calm down. I lick my lips and slowly start to move my fingers over the lock on the door. Its one of those thing metal ones that sticks up at the top of the door. My fingers are shaky, but I go for the lock anyway, and in one quick move I pull it up and grab the handle.

"Shit!" Cullen gasps and dives over the seat to pull me back inside.

"Get off me!" I shout at him and fight to get him to let me go.

He's easily about ten times stronger than me. "Knock it off!" he yells in my face. "Stop fighting me! I'm not going to hurt you!"

"_Let go!_" I scream as loud as I can.

"_Fine!"_ he practically roars back and shoves me against the car door.

My shoulder hits the pulled up lock on the door, and it feels like someone's stabbed me. I lift a shaky hand to pull through my crazed hair and immediately start to cry. My emotions are all over the place when it comes to Edward Cullen. And I hate him for it.

"Don't cry," he growls.

It just makes me cry harder.

"Stop it," he says.

I shake my head and bring my knees to my chest while I curl up on his seat.

"Please, stop crying. I'm fucking sorry, okay? Just stop… I can't handle… _fuck_." He jumps out of the car and rushes around to my side. The door is jerked open, and he kneels down to look up at me. "I'm sorry," he whispers and pulls my hands away from my face.

I hiccup into my knees. "I hate you," I whimper. I do; I hate him. So much.

I hear him gulp. "That's fine," he replies in a calmer tone.

"I r-really, r-reallyh-hate you," my words are shaky as I struggle to control my tears.

"I deserve that," he agrees with me and pushes the hair out of my face.

I lift my head and wipe my hands over my eyes. I'm so glad I was too tired this morning to put on any makeup, or else I'd be so screwed right now. He pulls my legs down from my chest and turns my body so that I'm facing him.

"Bella," he sighs, "look at me, please."

I do, but my vision's blurry.

Cullen slides his thumb over both my cheeks to rid my face of the tear streaks. "I'm a fucking asshole," he says but it sounds like he's talking to himself. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm sorry. All I wanted was a chance to explain…"

"Who is Alice?" I jump right into the main reason we're here.

He breathes through his nose and runs his hands through his hair. "My next door neighbor." He looks up at me and stares into my eyes. "She's also one of my best friends, and I love her like a sister."

I keep staring at him, silently asking him to continue. That's not good enough for me. He must sense this because he starts talking again. He puts his hands on my knees and rubs his thumbs over them.

"Remember when I told you I was emancipated?" he asks.

I nod. "Since you were 16," I reply.

He gives a small smile; he's happy I remember. "Yeah. Well, my caseworker who helped me file my claim to the courts…his name is Carlisle." I take this all in and listen as he keeps going. "I've been friends with Alice since grade school, longer than I've even known Jake and Roy." He scratches the back of his head and sighs. "She's the one who knew about…" He pauses and frowns. "Shit that was going down at home. Eventually it got to the point that I started staying at her and her sister Esme's place."

I nod so that he knows I'm still with him. I even touch the top of his hand over my left knee with the tips of my fingers. It feels like magnets. The second I touch him, I have to snap onto him completely, and I do so by grabbing his hand and placing it between mine.

"Esme was dating a guy who was new to the system, but he was hard working and loyal." He squeezes my knee with his other hand.

"Carlisle," I finish.

He nods. "He helped me come to the decision to legally take care of myself. He helped me find a job, and Esme talked to her landlord and helped me get a place of my own. Alice was the one who kept me going when I wanted to just give up and wait until I was 18. I was convinced that I could leave Forks and start over."

I hear a "but" coming…

"But I was young and stupid, and Carlisle showed me what happened to kids who had that same mentality. He took me to a group home, a homeless shelter, and a rehabilitation center, and he showed me all these pamphlets and statistics and shit I don't ever want to see again." His hand tightens over my knee, and I squeeze his other hand harder between mine. "She's my friend, Bella." Once again he stares into my eyes. "That's it. Sometimes I can't sleep, and I bother her because she's right there, and she knows _why _I can't sleep."

"Why are you telling me all of this?" I ask him.

He closes his eyes and shrugs. "I don't know? I just don't want you to write me off because you think I'm gonna play you. I'm not." He shakes his head. "you have no idea how long I've waited for a chance to…"

I hate what I'm about to say next.

"Cullen," I sigh.

"Don't." He holds a hand up. "Don't call me Cullen. Not you."

I lick my lips and start again. "Edward," I say and look at him, "I'm with Jasper now."

I wait for it to click for him, but it doesn't. "So break up with him." He shrugs, as if this is an easy fix.

I shake my head in denial. "I can't."

"Why not?" His eyes start to cloud over. "Are you saying you don't want to be with me?" He pulls his hands away and pushes up to his feet so that he's standing over me.

"Don't do that." I climb outside the car and poke his chest.

"Don't do what?" he snaps. "Make you actually answer a fucking question for once?"

"I can't do this with you, Cu—_Edward_," I correct myself. "You don't understand, okay? It's not like I can just dump him and be with you. It doesn't work like that. I'm already a pariah among most of my peers, and Jessica makes my life hell as it is. If I dump the fucking 'Golden Boy' of Forks High for you they will never forgive me."

"What the fuck does it matter what they think or what they say? Transfer out; go to La Push with me." He rams his fingers through his hair. "I know you feel this, Bella," he says and motions between us. "You felt it that night, and you feel it now. So the fuck what if circumstances are against us? Are you seriously that shallow?"

His words hit me like a slap across my face. I visibly flinch and back away from him, and he cringes because he knows he's lost me. I look away from him and fight to keep my expression from betraying just how much that his words hurt.

"Take me home," I mutter acidly.

"You know what?" He chuckles, and I angrily glare up at him. "_Fine," _he snaps. "I'm not kissing your ass. I told you what I had to say. I just fucking shared with you something that only about five people know about me, and you throw it back in my face. Thanks a lot, Bella." He scoffs in disgust and walks over to get into his car.

I gulp and quietly get onto the car, waiting for him to drive me home.

"You know, Jacob told me you were a bitch? But I never once thought he could actually be right." He scowls at the steering wheel. "Guess the joke's on me, huh?"

He drives me home without another word. When we roll up to the driveway, I see my dads cruiser already parked, and I know I'm about to get in trouble. But I don't care. I have about ten seconds to get inside before I break the fuck down. Slowly, I pull my arms out of Cullen's jacket, and then I just open the door and get out. I barely step outside and shut the door behind me before he takes off so fast that it kicks up a cloud of dust in my face.

I gulp and turn around just in time to see my dad swing the door open and look around until his eyes settle on me. "Bella?" he asks, curious.

"Hey, Dad." I raise a hand to wave, and my voice cracks at the end.

"What's wrong?" He steps outside the house and looks hard at my puffy eyes. "Who was that? Did someone hurt you?"

I shake my head and walk inside. "I don't feel good, Dad. I'm just gonna take a shower and go to bed." I shove past him and rush up stairs before he can stop me. I stumble into the bathroom and turn all the knobs on high, letting the shower drown out the first sob that escapes my lips. He was right; _they _were right.

Cullen… Jacob… whoever else keeps their opinions of me to themselves.

I am a shallow, little, whore bitch. The revelation is not sweet; it hurts more than I can say. I feel like I've hurt Cullen, even though a part of me keeps saying that no one can hurt him. He's a stone wall when it comes to emotions. But today he looked at me as if I'd bulldozed that wall right to the ground.

I wish Rosalie were here, she'd know what to do.

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title refers to the song _Forget That You're Young_ by The Raveonettes.

**See you next Friday, lovely readers. ** ;)


	7. Hear Me Out

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine.

**Thanks you:** _**Jess**_; always. _**Ysar**_; thanks for making this nice and pretty for me. _**Lynn**__; you'll never know. __**Everyone: **_I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, reviewes this fic, and lurks this fic, **RPatz comic con haircuts for everyone!** Haha, kidding. How about RPatz kisses for everyone? But I'm first. :P

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you realize that despite your forced smiles, everyone still hates you.

**Ch. 7:** _Hear Me Out_

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Between _**Rosalie Hale** _and_** Bella Swan **

**Rosalie Hale** whats wrong w/u?

**Bella Swan** nothing

**Rosalie Hale** sumthing is wrong w/u

**Bella Swan** nothing is wrong w/me

**Rosalie Hale** what happened yesterday? U were supposed 2 call me

**Bella Swan** I got tired

**Rosalie Hale** and u weren't ur locker this morning

**Bella Swan** I woke up late

**Rosalie Hale** r u still upset bcuz of jess?

**Bella Swan** no

**Rosalie Hale** jas says she pushed u yesterday, this tru?

**Bella Swan** nope

**Rosalie Hale** liar

**Bella Swan** I'm trying 2 take notes for a test nxt week

**Bella Swan** stop bothering me

**Rosalie Hale** r we eating outside again?

**Bella Swan** i have a student gov meeting 2day

**Rosalie Hale** what does that mean?

**Bella Swan** I wont b lunch

**Rosalie Hale** meeting 4 what?

**Bella Swan** homecoming

**Rosalie Hale** and YOU are on the committee?

**Bella Swan** faq-u

**Rosalie Hale** later bitch c u practice

**Bella Swan** bye

-x-

"And so, that is why I think the theme this year should be like Betsey Johnson's vintage Varsity line." Jennifer Ford, vice-president and all around bitch, sits back in her chair beside class president Ben Cheney.

"Thank you, Jennifer," Ben replies with a tight face, "for that truly original suggestion."

I roll my eyes at Jennifer's ridiculous idea.

"I actually kind of like that idea," Irina speaks up. Which is really fucking weird because Irina _never _speaks during student government meetings.

"The vintage varsity?" Mike 'I'm a tool' Newton looks over at Irina as if she's grown two heads. "Psh, veto!"

"Are you trashing my idea?" Jennifer's mouth gapes open in shock that someone is crossing her. "You can't say no!"

Mike snorts. "You're right. I can't just say no. That's a _heeelllll no_."

Tia Kebi's hand flies up, and we all turn to see her long, dark hair draped over her shoulders like a waterfall in the middle of a rainforest. She blinks a set of deep brown eyes, and with her olive skin complexion she's breathtaking. Ben nods his head, and she clears her throat. "I'm not too keen on the varsity idea, but the vintage I can work with it. What about a 'through the ages' type of theme?"

She turns and looks at me, and I wonder if that means I'm supposed to agree with her. Maybe we're supposed to share some sort of camaraderie because we're on the squad together. So I find my head moving up and down in a nodding motion. Angela kicks my legs under the table, and I grimace and turn to glare at her until she stops with a small laugh.

"Bella?" Ben calls out and my head flies up. "Are you seconding Tia's notion?"

"Uh…" I stare at Tia who looks like she's worried I'm going to throw her idea to the ground and stomp all over it. "I think it's, uh…" I wince and grit my teeth because Angela is kicking the _shit _out of my leg right now. "Yeah." I nod my head. "I second it."

I so do _not_ second this.

Ben nods. "Well, all right then. Anyone care to veto this idea?" He looks around the table.

There are about twelve of us in the room, and of the twelve, there are eight students clearly biting their tongues. You can tell they want to disagree, but for some odd reason they're not speaking up. I look from face to face and realize they're all staring at me.

Why the fuck is everyone staring at me?

"Uh..." I scratch my neck nervously. "Why are you all staring at me?"

"_Pollice verso_, Swan." Demitri Price, hot intellectual extraordinaire, holds his hand up in a fist with his thumb sticking out sideways.

"Polly—what?" Mike grunts. "Dude, that sounds gay."

"_Pollice verso_," Angela utters softly. "It was a gesture used in ancient Rome to pass judgment on gladiators by raising or lowering the thumb. If you've seen Gladiator with Russell Crow, you might remember seeing Joaquin Phoenix do it a few times."

Mike snorts. "Thanks for the history lesson, Ms. Weber."

Demitri rolls his eyes. "You should thank her, you uncultured sack of sh—"

"Okay!" Ben bangs his gavel onto the table. "Seriously, you guys, come on. When we're in here, there is no social pecking order. We represent this entire school, so freaking act right for once."

Wow, Ben's kind of hot when he's pissed. I give Angela a side glance that makes her blush, and I wink at her. I'm so going to enjoy hooking these two up, and they will love me for it. No one speaks up, so I sigh and cross my arms across my chest.

"I'm not being the final word in this meeting." I shake my head. "It's ridiculous."

"That's for damn sure," Jennifer mutters to herself.

Ben pinches the bridge of his nose, and the rest of the students just stare at anything but Ben or me. I cannot believe this; since when am I queen bee? Since when did a Forks queen bee have the final say in student government?

"Knock it off, you guys!" I snap at everyone.

Mike decides to be the messenger and leans forward on the table. "I don't know about the rest of them, but Jasper's given all athletics teams in school strict orders to pretty much do a back flip if you ask us to."

Irina sighs and runs her hands through her silk blonde hair. "Rosalie gave similar orders to the cheer squad," she says while apparently checking her hair for split ends.

I jump up from my chair so quickly that it tips over and loudly bangs on the floor. "Since when?" I shout unbelievably embarrassed.

Jennifer snorts. "Since you couldn't keep your fat mouth shut and went crying to Jasper because Jess accidentally bumped into you. It's not her fault your hand-eye coordination is for shit."

Her scowl pisses me off even more. "Watch it," I snap at her.

"Or what?" Jennifer shrugs. "I'm not on the cheer squad anymore. You can't tell me what to do."

"Jen, quit it." Irina nudges her.

"Yeah, Jennifer, shut your mouth. You're just making it worse for the rest of us." Mike scoffs and looks up at me. "Oh, my bad. Did I offend you? Looks like I'll be running laps for practice today." He rolls his eyes and shakes his head as he turns away from me.

"You're all being a bunch of assholes." I glare at everyone in sheer disbelief. "I didn't _cry _to anybody." I whirl around to Jennifer. "And FYI, Jessica shoved me into the wall on purpose; it wasn't an accident, or she would have at least acknowledged that it happened."

"_ENOUGH!_" Ben slams the gavel down so hard that the handle breaks off. "Bella," he sighs and rubs a hand over his face, "I'll probably pay for this later but… I think you should go."

I can't tell you how shocked I am to hear these words come out of his mouth. "Excuse me?" I whisper and take one small step backward.

"You're disrupting the group, and we're getting nowhere with you here. I promised Principal Greene that we would have all this month's agendas finished by the end of today. We can't do that if we're constantly fighting and biting our tongues to stay on your good—"

"Fuck you, Ben." I sneer at him and grab my bag from the floor. I storm to the door and turn around before I leave, only to find everyone is watching me. "Oh, and don't worry. I'm not going to tell on any of you assholes." I would slam the door, but it's one of those sliders, so I just pull really hard, and all I get it a very angry but firm _click_.

Screw all of them.

-x-

"_What do you mean you quit the squad?_"

I'm walking, or rather I'm sort of doing a mixture of speed walking with a slight limp. But I'm moving as fast as I can to the front of school and ignoring Rosalie's annoying voice at my back. She can't grasp the fact that I'm actually doing something against her wishes.

"Bella, you can't quit cheerleading! You're our best flyer!" she shouts and grabs onto my bag in an attempt to slow me down. "And what's this I hear about you breaking up with Jasper? What the hell has gotten into you?"

Yeah, that was actually a surprise to me too. But he'd pissed me off when I'd confronted him about ordering everyone to kiss my ass. Didn't he realize that doing that would just make everything _worse?_ But did he understand that? No. Instead, he asked who told and who upset me, so that he could deal with them properly.

When asked if he would bully the entire school? He'd shouted at me, much like he would at a disobedient child, "_If I fucking have to, I will! So let's hope it doesn't come to that!_"

So I told him, "_Well, don't worry! It won't ever come to that, and you wanna know why? 'Cause we're done!_"

That was about… over a hour ago? Before I walked away from him to shut myself up in my last period, Calculus class. That was also when I texted Rose to tell her I was off the squad, and she needed to scout out for a replacement. School's been out for about 15 minutes, and I hid in the girls' bathroom at the back of school to avoid this very moment.

"Stop walking away from me!" Rosalie screams, and now I've really had enough.

I turn around and scream back at her. "Then stop _talking!_" My voice echoes in the halls and startles the stragglers who are still hanging round.

Her cheeks are flushed as she glares at me, but she still looks pale and sick for some reason. "Don't talk to me like that," she hisses through clenched teeth. "I am on my last damn thread with you, Isabella. You have _no _idea the shit storm I am dealing with because of your newfound rebellion!"

I cannot believe her. "I'm done!" I cry. "I'm tired of getting dumped on because of who my friends are or who I'm dating! So screw cheerleading, and screw being Jasper's girlfriend. I'm done. I will not be you guys' puppet anymore!"

Her entire face falls at my words. "Is that what you really think?"

"Kinda?" I grimace. "I don't know…" I sigh and rub my face in frustration. "I'm just tired of taking shit from Jessica, especially when it comes to cheering."

"But I need _you _on the squad, Bella. I _need _you, okay? _I _need _you_. We can sit outside every day at lunch for the rest of the year if you want. We can skip every party from here until eternity! Just _please _don't quit cheering. I'm gonna need you now more than ever," she begs.

I roll my eyes at her dramatics. "You just want me because I'm good at choreography, and I'm one of your best flyers. You'll do fine without me, Rose. Look, I really just gotta get the hell out of here, okay? I can't…" I clench my hands at my sides. "I can't be here right now…" I turn back around and push open the double doors to walk outside.

"Isabella, stop!" Rosalie shrieks at my retreating back, and of course this is when I realize that it's not my dad waiting for me out front.

It's Jake.

Ignoring Rosalie, I stagger down the steps and walk up to his sleek silver Stallion style 1967 Ford Mustang. It was nothing but a hunk of junk when he first bought it. It's amazing to see what three years and a very determined Jacob Black can do. During my friendship with Jake, I'd learned way more than I cared to know when it came to cars.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him without much conviction. I'm tired, and I want to go home, and I want Rosalie to go away. If I have to, I'll jump in Jacob's car.

Jake, who is leaning against his car like some sort of GQ ad, pushes off the hood and opens the passenger door for me. "Get in," is all he says.

"Where is my dad?" I ask, ignoring his order.

He rolls his eyes. "I obviously called and convinced him to let me pick you up."

"My dad knows we don't get along, Jake. No way would he let you come here." I cross my arms defiantly.

Jake smirks, and I try to imagine how many girls' pants he's gotten into using that same cocky expression. "I may or may not have misled him a bit," he shrugs.

Upon a closer inspection, I can see the hint of a fading bruise just below his chin and the corner of his lip is scabbed over. But I pretend I don't notice this. "Like how?" I narrow my eyes at him.

He sighs and shakes his head, done playing this game of twenty questions with me. "Your dad thinks my Uncle Harry is picking you up. Just like he thought Uncle Harry was picking you up yesterday."

I swallow the bile I feel creeping up my throat and charge forward until I'm folded inside his car.

"Good choice," he mocks me and shuts my door.

I look up and expect to see Rosalie staring at me, but she's not there. I look around for her or anyone else I recognize, and there is no one. I pull out my phone to see if she's left me any messages, but there is no word from her.

"Trouble in paradise?" Jacob pokes fun at my grouchy mood as he starts up his car and loudly revs the engine.

"Just take me home," I mutter and stare out my window.

I see him shake his head in the window's reflection. "Oh, if only it were that simple."

I don't ask him what he means. At this point, I really don't care what happens to me.

I've spoken too soon.

-x-

I want to ask him about his face. I want to ask him when he started listening to Eminem, 50 Cent, and Tupac? But I don't. I know better than to say a damn word right now. I knew not to expect him to drive me straight home. So when we pass by the road that leads to my house, I know I'm in for some seriously awkward conversation.

His stereo is loaded, and the car literally shakes from the bass in every song. Right now, he's blasting Dr. Dre's latest and greatest. I actually like this song, but I don't want him to know that in case he changes the song to spite me.

Is this really what we've become, he and I?

We weren't the closest of friends back in the day, but he was still a friend regardless. He was my _first _friend in Forks, pretty much the only friend I had for almost an entire year before I became a cheerleader, and my life changed.

We didn't hang out on the weekends; he had his own friends and his own parties to go to. He never invited me to any, but I wouldn't have accepted had he asked me. It was a rare occasion that he'd blow off his friends to spend the day with me. Otherwise, we would only really see each other when our dads hung out and dragged us along. Or if I was dead bored, and I'd beg him to let me watch him work on the very car we're riding in now. He was very careful to keep me separate from his social life. I used to feel like a dirty secret, as if he was embarrassed to be friends with me because I wasn't cool enough.

So it was really fucking ironic when I finally did something to become cool, and he dropped me like a bad habit. Call me bitter, but I don't see myself forgiving him anytime soon. I don't know what he intends to happen on this drive, but I'm giving him about five more minutes to gather up his wits before I start in on him. I need to get home and do damage control. I've really fucked up this time. I allowed my emotions to rule my actions, and now that I'm a little less hot… I feel really stupid.

I pull out my phone to see if I have any messages, and I only find one. I expect it's from Rosalie, or maybe even Jasper. But I'm shocked to see that it's from Emmett. I open it and laugh because once again I'm surprised when all the text says is: _did u take notes in Spanish? Can I have? Plzzzz!_

I shake my head and text him back that I'll make him a copy and bring it in tomorrow. I sigh, resting my head on my seat when my phone suddenly buzzes with Emmett's reply.

_Oh, and btw… WTF? U broke up w/Jas and u quit cheerleading?_

That's more like it. I press all the appropriate buttons and respond by completely avoiding answering his questions. So my reply goes something like this: _is it ok if I hand write the notes? My printers out of ink._

His reply is instant: _Nice try. I'm onto u. Talk l8er._

Shit. I shut my phone off completely and drop it into my bag on the floorboard. We fly down Route 101, and I start to worry that we're going to La Push. My eyes dart over to stare at him, and then I gulp and suck it up. "Where are we going?"

"She speaks!" he shouts without turning to look at me.

I roll my eyes, "Seriously Jacob, this could be considered kidnapping."

"Not when you willingly got into the car," he mutters and does a hard turn at the next corner so that I fly across my seat and hit the window. "Lots of witnesses can attest to that," he adds.

I huff and brush away all the hair that's fallen into my eyes. "Why are you doing this? You hate me."

He snorts and licks his wounded lip. "Maybe I'm trying to see if you harbor any redeeming qualities."

_Is he fucking kidding me?_

"I haven't seen any yet, by the way," he rookies shortly after.

My mouth sets into a thin, tight line. "If this has to do with Cullen…." I turn in my seat to face him. "You're wasting your time."

Jacob still refuses to look at me. "No," he mutters through gritted teeth, "and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell him about this."

I curl my lip at him. "And I would appreciate it if you'd kiss my ass."

"You sure don't disappoint, do you Bella?" he chuckles and shakes his head in a way that makes me feel like there's a joke about me in there.

"What do you want?" I ask him and roll down my window to stick my hand outside. "_Really_," I demand the truth.

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face. "Explain to me what the fuck is going on between you and Cullen."

I snort, "Like he hasn't told you all the sordid details. Don't act like he didn't give you and Royce a full play by play."

"Well that answers my next question." He frowns, and his expression is one of disappointment. "Remember when we were friends?"

I snort.

He laughs because he knows how stupid that question was. "I know it's filed away in one of those 'lock this up and throw away the key' cabinets." He rolls his eyes. "But do you remember what I used to say about my friends?"

I sigh and decide to indulge him. "Stay away from them," I mumble in answer.

He nods. "Do you remember why I told you that?"

I don't really, but I figure it can't be that hard to guess. "They're players."

He shrugs. "They are, but that's not why I warned you against them. They're not bad guys; they're just not the best guys." He pauses and drives a few seconds in silence before he starts up again. "They're troubled, Bella," he says. "At the time, I thought I was protecting you."

I frown in confusion. That is not at all how he'd made it seem.

"But I see now it was all for nothing. He still fucking got to you, even though he swore to me he'd stay as far away from you as possible." He shakes his head. "Imagine what that's done to our friendship."

I nibble my bottom lip and bring my hand up to chew on the end of my thumbnail. "What happened to your face?" I mumble.

He smirks and touches his wounds. "You should see the other guy."

A rush of fear washes over me. "What did you do to Cullen?"

"Nothing he didn't deserve," Jacob snaps at me. "You see, there was a reason I told you that Royce would have been the better alternative, had you ever decided to go there…"

I've begun to chew my nail into almost nothing. "Why?" I ask.

"Because I know Royce would never choose a chick over his friends," he spits out angrily. "Royce understood what you meant to me. Cullen…" He chuckles humorlessly. "Did you know he's had a hard-on for you since before you even came to Forks?"

I stop chewing. My thumb remains where it is. I cannot move.

"Yup," he keeps talking, "Dad's always been so proud of you. You were always the little girl he never had." I sense a bit of resentment in his tone but I say and do nothing about it. "Your pictures through the years have always been added to the mantle above the fireplace in our house. And sometimes, when Dad was feeling extra loving, he'd like to remind me how much of a loser I was compared to you. Best part? He liked to say it in front of my boys."

I gulp and drop my hand into my lap.

"Royce would just roll his eyes when Dad started in. We just tuned him out. But Cullen?" He snickers. "It was like the fucker was hypnotized. Sure, he _pretended_ to be just as bored as we were. But when he was the one reminding _me _it was your birthday, I knew something was up."

Why is he telling me all of this? To warn me away? To tell me to stay? _What?_

"I know our last real conversation ended with us breaking off our friendship, and I'm not asking to fix that. I just want you to know a few things before you go on your merry way." I hate how condescending he sounds. "First, I don't hate you. I never did. Was I disappointed? Yes. Hurt? Yeah, I was. But I got over it, and I moved on. You made your choice; you chose them. Understandable, given the fact that you go to school with them and not with me."

I have to bite my tongue to keep from adding my two cents. He has it all wrong. So wrong.

"Second, I don't resent you, even though my dad drilled it into my head how much better you were than me. He thought he was doing it to motivate me; I get that now. I'm over it." He shrugs this off nonchalantly.

I feel him building up to something, and the anticipation is making me nervous.

"Third, I think you're a bitch. Yes, I said it. And yes, I believe it. And sadly, you've done nothing but prove me right time after time."

It feels like someone's literally shoved a knife onto my chest right now. I press a hand to my heart and try to steady my breathing.

"But that doesn't mean that's all I think you are." At this, he finally turns to look at me. "It was because I cared about you, Bella, that I didn't want you to get mixed up with my friends. Royce has commitment issues, and Cullen…" He whistles. "Where do I start?"

I look down at my hands in my lap. This is the most passive I've been in days.

"Fourth, I cared about you as a sister before, and I guess in a way… I still do now. I got into it with Cullen last night over you. I told him to stay away, and he didn't. I tried to tell him that you weren't the same person my dad used to talk about, but he didn't listen. It wasn't so much that he was sprung on you. I think it was more that he was curious about you. Add to that the fact that you were 'forbidden,' and I should have known he'd see you as a challenge and want you even more." We exit off the next ramp, and he drives over a bridge to turn around and start back home.

"And whatever happened that night…" Jake grimaces. "He won't reveal the details. Based on your reaction earlier, I'm glad he didn't. But whatever it was that went down, it's turned him inside out, Bella. So I'm asking you right now…" He looks right at me. "Are you in or out?"

I wrinkle my brow, confused. "In or out of what?"

He smiles more to himself than to me and says, "Let me ask you this first. Are you into my boy Cullen?"

I find myself answering before I actually stop to think about it. "Yes."

He doesn't look satisfied with my answer. A part of me thinks he was hoping I would say no. "Fine. Then I have two more questions to ask you. One, do you want to be with him? And two, do you understand what being with Cullen actually means?"

I nibble my lip as I contemplate this.

"I don't expect you to answer right now. I'd actually prefer that you think this over really hard. Because being with Edward isn't simple. He has trust and abandonment issues, he's possessive and jealous, and he has one hell of a temper. He's one intense motherfucker, Bella, and everyone will expect _you _to be the one to handle him when he loses his cool. Do you think you can handle that?"

My answer is simple and honest. "No." I sadly shake my head back and forth. "I'd really like to be able to say yes, Jake, but I can't. I can barely handle myself, and even then I'm failing miserably. I like him, but I don't _know _him. Yeah, I feel a connection. I do, but…" I shake my head and laugh at myself softly. "You make being with him sound like a full time job. I'm seventeen fucking years old, and this is some deep shit you just dropped on me. It's just way beyond my maturity level."

He nods his head in understanding. "I appreciate your being honest with me."

We drive the rest of the way home in silence.

-x-

Jake pulls up to my house and rolls to a stop at the end of the driveway. I know this is where I'm supposed to get out and go inside. We'll act like this never happened, and we'll both go on with our separate lives. But I've come to realize something in the past half hour, something that I have to say out loud just for the hell of it.

"I miss you," I say with one hand on the door handle and the other clutching the shoulder strap on my messenger bag. "I'm not saying that so you'll feel obligated to do anything about it. I just wanted you to know that… I miss you."

His hands tighten around the wheel, but he stays quiet, so I take that as a sign that I can keep talking.

I take a deep breath. "We weren't super close, but we weren't strangers either. You were my friend, and I took our friendship for granted. I didn't realize that letting you walk out the door meant losing someone I could really count on."

I let him stew over that for a while. He's still staring forward, but his brow isn't so wrinkled anymore, and his hands aren't gripping the wheel like before. I want him to say something, but I'm not sure what that is. So I guess his silence is actually sort of a good thing. It means he's thinking about what I'm saying.

But I can't handle the silence right now. So I start talking again. Only this time, I can't stop.

"I hate it at that school. I hate walking up every morning and having to walk into that place. Everyone is so fake, and I always have to watch what I say and what I do…" I shake my head and close my eyes. "I thought joining the cheerleading team would make everything better. I couldn't stand being invisible anymore. Did you know that I thought you were embarrassed to hang out with me because I wasn't cool enough?" I laugh as I say this because I see now how ridiculous I was to think that.

Jake turns his head and looks over at me with an expression of surprise and disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me right now, Isabella?"

My head moves from side to side. "That was one of the reasons I thought becoming popular would be a good thing. You never wanted to hang around me unless I begged you, or you had to. If _you _couldn't even stand me, then no wonder no one wanted to be my damned friend at school."

"Bella…" He turns his whole body now.

"Don't." I hold up a hand to stop him. "You had your reasons. Now I'm telling you mine. I told you to mind your business that day you tried to convince me to quit the squad… because I couldn't understand why you were trashing my new friends. I still, to this day, don't agree with what you said about Rosalie, but you were totally right about everyone else."

"I…" He looks down and shakes his head slowly before he looks up at me again. "I didn't want to be right, Bella."

I shrug and face him. "Doesn't matter now, does it?"

He sighs and leans back into his chair. "No, I guess not."

"You said I would change and become just like them. Funny thing is that I didn't even realize you were right until yesterday, while I was talking to Cullen. That's two for three, Jake." I laugh and wipe my cheek where a tear's fallen. I'm not crying. I'm just frustrated. I'm tired.

Of everything.

"I don't know why I went with Cullen that night. I don't…" I bite my lip and look down at my lap. "I'm not… like that. I don't randomly hook up with strangers." I look up at him quickly. "But when I was standing there next to him that night?" I look out the window and recall everything from memory. "I remember feeling so out of place without Rose there with me at that party. I went outside just to get _away _from that feeling…" I pause to run my fingers through my hair and scratch my scalp. "And there was Cullen, a perfect distraction."

"So that's all he is then." Jacob's tone holds an edge of bitterness. "A distraction from your powder puff life," he scoffs.

"No!" I'm sure to correct him quickly. "That's not what he is… was…" I sigh and clench my eyes shut. "I don't _know _okay? I mean it's not like I wasn't up front about it. He knew I wanted to get away from that part of myself, and he went with it. And for a moment it was just us. Like it was just… him and me. There was no social hierarchy or rich or poor… it was _him_ and _me_."

Jake looks confused, but he at least he isn't looking at me with contempt. I can live with that. For now.

"And afterwards, when I was sure the moment was over, and it was time to go back to reality, he asked me to go home with him. I couldn't believe it wh—"

"He _what?_" Jacob's entire attitude changes from contemplative to absolute shock and disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me right now, Bella? He asked you to his _apartment?_"

I nod; I'm unable to do much else.

"_Motherfucker_…" he hisses under his breath and smacks the wheel as he mutters a bunch of indecipherable words to himself. "You don't even…" He shakes his head at me and turns his face away.

I gulp and nervously crack my knuckles in my lap. Jake doesn't talk for a while, and I don't move because I know he's working up to telling me something I need to hear. Obviously Cullen inviting me to his place is a big deal. But _why _is it a big deal?

"You wanna know why it's such a huge fucking deal that he invited you to his place?" he mumbles with his head on his fist as he faces away from me staring out his window.

I fold my hands in my lap, unclasp them, and then thread my fingers together. My entire body is starting to feel tingly with fear. There's a low ringing in my ears, and I feel like I should shiver because it's cold, but at the same time, I think I'm actually sweating.

"Why?" I barely manage to croak the word out. I chew my lip to keep calm.

Jake chooses now to drop his hand and turn his face towards mine. "Because I've been his best friend for eight years, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been to his apartment since he got it. Not only that, but it took him _forever_ before he even _allowed _me inside. It's the same with Royce. But he knows you _one _night and is like _come on in!_"

I barely have a lip. I'm still chewing. I'm gnawing at it. What the fuck? Why am I so fucking important to a guy who pretty much blacks out in rage and beats people unconscious? A guy who openly doesn't give a fuck. A guy who's probably seen more ass than Lebron James. I'm nothing special. I'm not super smart. I don't light up a room when I walk into it, and I for damn sure don't have anything resembling a sparkling personality.

So why _me?_

"I didn't ask for this," I mumble with my fingers on my lips as I shake my head slowly.

I never imagined that the implications of that night would come back like a fucking pit bull to bite me in the ass. But now I'm thinking back, and I'm remembering more and more, and I'm analyzing it and dissecting it, and _shit—shit—shit! _Why didn't I think to question him about it before?

_I've been waiting a very, very long time for this moment, Bella…_

_Don't call me Cullen…_

_Do you have any idea how long I've…_

_Yeah, one night that obviously meant more to me than it did to you…_

_Don't call me Cullen. Not you…_

"Bella." I feel Jake's hand touch my shoulder, and I almost jump two feet in the air. "_Shit_," he curses at me with wide eyes. "Bella!" He shakes me until I'm out of my stupor and clenching my hands around his arms to stop him.

"I can't." I shake my head vigorously and shove him away from me. "It's too much, okay? I didn't ask for this!" I scream at him and push the car door open to stumble outside. "He's a fucking ticking time bomb, Jake!" I whirl around and shout. "You can't ask me to deal with that. How do I know he won't turn around and take it out on me one day? His anger scares the hell out of me, Jacob!"

Jake blinks at me, mouth slight ajar and speechless.

"I like the guy who was in the laundry room with me." I wipe my face with a lazy hand. "Not the guy he actually is." I turn around and start for the front door of my house. I hear Jake shout for me, but I don't stop.

There's nothing left to say.

-x-

_So how do I do normal  
>The smile I fake - the permanent wave of<br>Cue cards and fix it kits  
>Can't you tell - I'm not myself<em>

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title refers to the song _Hear Me Out _by Frou Frou. Amazing song, I recommend you download!

**See you next Friday! **


	8. Grow Up, Girl

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine.

**Thanks you:** _**Jess**_; always—_always_. _**Ysar**_; thanks for making this nice and pretty for me—you're da best. _**Everyone: **_I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, reviewes this fic, and lurks this fic. I know I suck at the replies, but I'll get better—I promise!

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you can't trust anyone—not even yourself.

**Ch. 8:** _Grow Up, Girl_

_Im sorry. –J_

_I don't care. –B_

_We need 2 talk. –J_

_I think we talked enough dont u?—B_

_U R being very immature –J_

_I dont like the way we left things yesterday –J_

_2 bad –B_

_I called out 2 u and u just walked away –J_

_Bad hearing –B_

_I know where u live –J_

_So now we've come to harassment? Way 2 go Mr. Charming!–B_

_Im not asking 4 ur forgiveness –J_

_I did nothing wrong –J_

_U never do, Jasper. –B_

-x-

I can't believe it.

She's actually freaking mad at me, so much so that she didn't even come to school today. I'm totally freaking serious. Rosalie Lillian Hale is not at school, and she won't answer her phone. I was prepared to grovel at her feet, but now… What the _hell?_

"Emmy!" I run up to Emmett in the hall between second and third period. "Hey, wait up, big guy!"

He stops and looks over his shoulder. "Oh hey, Bella."

"Have you heard from Rose today?" I rush to keep in step with Emmett's long legs.

His face grows concerned. "No, why?"

"She's not here," I tell him, "and she's not picking up her phone."

"Maybe she's pissed at you because of your diva act yesterday." He shrugs his shoulders.

_Ouch_.

"Okay." I take a breath. "I can see that you're upset. You're Jasper's best friend, and—"

"I'm not mad because of that," he's quick to correct me. Then he stops walking, and I stagger to a stop and walk back a few steps to stand beside him.

"Then what is it?" I ask nervously.

He regards me less severely than before. "Just a little disappointed is all. I didn't expect you to get all bigheaded when you started dating Jasper."

"Bigheaded?" I scoff in disbelief. "Em, you gotta be kidding me! You know I didn't ask Jasper or Rosalie to force everyone to do what I said!"

"Maybe not, but you overreacted when you dumped Jasper and yelled at Rosalie. Did you know that I had to take her home yesterday? Jasper drove her car home for her. She was really fucking upset, and whatever you said not only hurt her, but it hurt Jasper, too." He's seriously let down by me; I can see it in his face. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but friends don't make other friends feel like shit for trying to help."

I nod. "You're right. I overreacted, okay? But you have to admit that some of the people here are real dickheads."

He chuckles. "Yeah, but that doesn't make it okay for you to be one, too."

"Em." I blink up at him, shocked. "When did you become Yoda?"

He rolls his eyes and holds out a big paw. "Hand over those notes you promised me, and I'll think about being your friend again. Lord knows you need one."

I pull my bag around and give him the notes. "Thanks, Emmett."

"All in a day's work." He winks and spins around to walk to class.

-x-

Step **one** in the "3 Steps to Fix the Fuck Cluster You Created" plan is to get Rosalie to forgive me. But she's not here, so I'm skipping to step two.

_Jasper_.

Right now I'm standing outside the boys' locker room waiting for him to come out. He has weight training this period, right before lunch. I'm hoping to catch him when he's off his guard and then somehow persuade him not to hate me and be friends.

"Well, well, look who it is…" Mike Newton taunts me as he saunters out with wet hair from his shower.

I really hate him.

"Knock it off, Newton," Jasper barks as he walks out behind him. He barely glances at me before he brushes past and starts walking away.

This may take some groveling.

"Jasper, wait!" I chase after him. "I'm sorry." I start easy.

"Not good enough," he grunts and keeps walking.

I grab ahold of one of the straps of his backpack and pull. "Jasper, stop!" I cry out to him. "I said I was sorry!"

"And I don't care!" he snaps back at me and jerks his strap out of my grasp. "Damn, Isabella. You didn't even give me a chance yesterday. Give me one reason why I should give you one?"

He stares and waits for me to respond. Most students walk around us, but some slow down to listen, and a few stop altogether. I hate how nosy everyone is. I hate that when I'm with Jasper, I _want _to be with him, but when I'm away from him, I think of a million reasons why I _don't _want to be with him.

_Don't call me Cullen…_

_Yeah, one night that obviously meant more to me than it did to you…_

_Do you have any idea how long I've…_

_I've been waiting a very, very long time for this moment, Bella…_

_Don't call me Cullen…_

_Don't call me Cullen…_

_Don't call me Cullen…_

Cullen's voice echoes in my ears over and over, until finally I decide I have to make it stop. I throw myself forward and press my lips against Jasper's. I kiss him, closed mouthed kisses, but passionate ones. He stands there and doesn't move to touch or kiss me back. But I kiss him anyway. I just want Cullen to go away. _Please, _Jasper, please make him go away…

I start to slow down when I realize he's not going to kiss me back. Now I'm embarrassed beyond belief and sad that I've ruined a good thing. I knew it was good when I had it before, but I still threw it away. How stupid does that make me?

"Okay then," I mumble to myself, but I'm close enough to Jasper that he hears me. I pull away slowly, my eyes looking everywhere but at him—and definitely not at any of the people who've been standing around watching us.

I take a step back. Another. Another… I turn and walk away. Wow, so this is what rock bottom feels like. Rose won't talk to me, Emmett's disappointed in me, and now Jasper won't forgi—

I don't finish my train of thought. I'm swung around by my wrist, and a warm mouth crashes against mine. It's not a slow kiss. It's fast and sloppy, but it's real, and it's Jasper. I kiss him back with fervor and wrap my arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry." I breath in between kisses and gasps for air. I can't stop, I can't pull away. I'm wrapped up in him, and I feel great and safe and happy and… relieved. So, so _relieved_.

"I'm sorry, too," he says and grabs my face with his hands to slow me down. "Bella…" His tone makes me pause. "I promise to talk to you before I do anything like that again, okay?"

I nod my head, all too aware of my swollen lips and fast-beating heart, "I can't promise not to overreact sometimes." I shrug guiltily. "It's a hard habit to kick."

He chuckles and leans over to loudly smack a kiss on my lips. "You're really fucking adorable, baby. You know that?"

I blink up at him and give a coy smile. "I do now." I laugh softly. "Can we eat outside? I just want to be alone with you." My fingers play with his hair.

"Want me to find Rose and Em—?"

"No." I shake my head. "Just you."

He grins widely. "Sounds perfect."

While we walk to the lunch line to get our food, I can't help but feel a little, giddy tingle inside of me. Jasper meant well. He was trying to take care of me. That's what I need. Someone to take care of _me_. Rosalie can't do that forever, and I'm not strong enough to do it myself. Jasper is perfect for the job because he doesn't yell unless it's justified, and he doesn't hit things when he's upset.

He's simple. He's Jasper. He's _safe_.

He'd never hurt me like I know Cullen could.

-x-

Step two is fulfilled, and step one needs to be complete before I can move on to step three –which is to be my own damned person. Screw Jessica and Lauren and Jennifer and whoever else gives me shit about who I date or who I'm best friends with. Why should I feel guilty about that?

I'm still considering quitting the squad. I can tell Jess and Lauren to fuck off, but that won't be so easy if we're forced to hang together as a 'team' every other day. But then I know I'd be letting Rosalie down, and Jasper would feel so much better if I was there to cheer him on…

I'm in the middle of my fifth period class, day dreaming per usual, when my phone goes off. Everyone in class turns around to stare at me with big wide eyes, and my mouth drops open in shock. I cannot believe I forgot to put my phone on silent.

_Rosalie Calling…_

I frown at my screen and wonder why she's calling me during class, when she knows I'm in the middle of freaking class! But then I start to think that Rosalie isn't stupid, and if she's calling me in the middle of class, it's because it's a damned emergency, and now I'm kind of freaking out.

"Ms. Swan?" Mrs. Cope's eyes narrow. "Hand me your cell phone. You will get it back in detention after school today."

My phone rings again.

_Rosalie Calling…_

Mrs. Cope walks toward my desk, and in a split second decision, I grab my phone, bag, books and once flawless reputation for perfect behavior… and start for the door.

"Ms. Swan!" Mrs. Cope shouts in alarm. Never in a million years would anyone predict I'd openly disobey an authority figure. Well, I just did. "Ms. Swan!"

I push the door open and rush outside. "This better be good, Rosalie," I answer my phone and almost drop everything in my hands, "because I might get suspended for this."

She doesn't answer right away, but it's not on purpose. It's because she's crying so hard she can't breathe. "_B-B-Bella_," she sobs, "_I n-need you t-to co-come get m-me_."

"Okay," comes my immediate answer, "I'm coming to get you. Where are you?" I ask as I stumble down the hall towards the parking lot.

"_P-Port Angeles_," she hiccups. "At the women's cl-clinic."

My stomach drops to the floor.

"Why are you there, Rosalie?" I gulp.

"Why do you t-think, Bella?" she screams at me. "Just c-come get m-me!"

Her words cause my feet to start moving again. "Okay, I'll be there. Wait for me. Stay on the phone with me."

"No, j-just focus on g-getting h-here. I just w-want to be alone ri-right now." In our entire friendship, I've never heard her sound so miserable. Not even when her grandfather died last year, and they'd been close. She commands me not to tell a soul where I'm going, not even Jasper or Emmett.

When we hang up, I hurry out into the parking lot and search for my car. I'm running up and down the aisles, and I can't find it. Why the hell can't I find my car? My ankle is starting to ache from my sprint, and that's when it hits me.

My dad hasn't given me my car keys back. We'd even argued over it this morning, resulting in his finally relenting and saying I could have it back next week. I hate being dropped off like a child and picked up like a latchkey kid, especially since Jake has been the one to pick me up twice so far this week.

I stop walking and stand in the middle of the parking lot. I feel like there's a light bulb that's been switched on over my head. _JAKE!_ I never erased his number from my phone. I don't know why, but in this moment I'm so grateful that I didn't. I scramble for my phone and dial him—and then I hang up. What the hell? Why on earth would I think Jake would help me? It's not like we parted with hugs last night.

But then again, we didn't part with name calling either. I have no one else to call. No one else would come. I know Jake enough to know that despite everything, he'll still come when I need him. I at least know _that _after our talk last night. Before I can dial him again, my phone goes off, and Jake's name flashes across my screen.

"Jake!" I cry in relief. "Oh my gosh, I really didn't know if you would answer. Well, I knew you would answer, but I didn't know if you help me. But you called, so I'm hoping you will help me. I need a ride. I need—"

"Since when are you and Jake friends again?" Cullen spits out, and the blood melts away from my face. "And why call Jake when you could ask your little bitch boyfriend?"

My chest tightens, and my eyes sting with tears of frustration. "I can't do this with you, Cullen. I need help, I need Jake. Why do you have his phone? Give him the phone, Cullen, _please_. I'm begging you."

He sighs, "Where are you?"

"School." I chew my bottom lip.

"Where do you need to go?" He sounds calmer now, like he's about to take control of the situation. I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel. But what I _do _feel is a fraction of the weight on my shoulders lifting.

"Port Angeles," I tell him.

I hear a bell ring somewhere on his end and then a flutter of activity. "Stay where you are. I'm going to text you in a few minutes so you have my number."

"But Jake—"

"I jacked his phone as a prank. He doesn't have to know," he explains to me. "Just sit tight, and I'll be there in a bit."

He hangs up.

-x-

I'm jumpy. My knee keeps bouncing, and I'm chewing on my fingernails. I feel guilty because it's been a half hour since Rose called me, and I'm still sitting at school. I've texted her about the new developments without actually _telling _her the details.

She thinks I got Angela to take me.

I hear his engine before I see his car. I'm up and on my feet in seconds, jogging down the street to the corner. My bag is super heavy with my books because I didn't get the chance to dump them in my locker before I charged outside like Xena Warrior Princess. When he rolls to a stop a few feet away from me, I feel my heart hammering away in my chest. My stomach fills with the flutter of butterfly wings, and my skin tingles with the anticipation of his touch. It's involuntary, I swear.

When his doors click and unlock, I waste no time jumping inside. "Thanks," I breathe. He nods his head and turns the car around to start for the highway. This is when I place a hand on his knee, and he tenses up as I reply genuinely, "_Really, _Edward. Thank you."

I watch his Adam's apple move up and down in his throat as he swallows. His fingers clench around the wheel. "Yeah," he mumbles and slowly turns his head towards me. "Next time just call me. Don't call anyone else."

Before I can respond, his focus is back on the road, and he turns the stereo on. I slowly start to remove my hand from his leg, and like a paperweight on a windblown piece of paper, his hand slaps down over mine to anchor it in place. I gasp in surprise as his fingers flex over mine, and he links our hands together. I hate the way my body responds to him. My heart picks up speed, my breathing quickens, my hands shake, and my knees lock together to keep me from rubbing my thighs against each other to get some friction.

"Edward," I pant and try to slip my hand free from his. "I can't… you know we…" I shake my head and bunch myself into a ball in his seat. I rest my chin on my knees and wrap my arms around them. "I thought you were here to help me," I mumble.

He chuckles. "Doesn't mean I can't help myself, too."

"Please don't make this hard for me, Edward. You know I'm with Jasper." I bury my face in my knees.

"For now," he grunts and turns up the volume so that the music in the car drowns out anymore possible conversation.

We continue like this all the way to the Port Angeles medical plaza where the women's clinic is held. It's here that Rosalie was schedule to abort her pregnancy, and I'm guessing she's really upset about going through with it, but I'm ready to be there for her and let her know she's done the right thing. She's too young to be a mother; she has too much potential in her future.

When Cullen parks in the lot and kills the engine, I turn to him swiftly. "Edward," I begin while staring into his eyes, "Can you promise me something?"

He blinks once and tries to look away, but he fails and ends up clasping his hand over mine. "That's a loaded question, Bella." He exhales a breath of cinnamon. "What is it?"

"I need your silence," I tell him. "I need to know that I can trust you not to ask questions or tell anyone about this."

He looks at me with concern. "Who would I tell?"

I gulp. "I have a feeling you might feel the need to…"

I lick my lips and try to think of a good way to say what I suspect needs to be said. I don't want to admit it out loud, but the signs are all there. And if what I'm thinking is true, then Rose is going to flip out when she sees that Cullen is the one who drove me here. Cullen will be the one to take us home. Cullen will be the one caught between two… friends?

"What am I to you, Cul—Edward?" I clear my throat to try and mask my mistake.

But of course, he's caught it. I wait for him to say something about my slip and am surprised when he doesn't. He just slides his arm across the back of my seat and uses his thumb to push a strand of hair behind my ear. "What do you want to be to me, Bella?" he asks softly.

"I…" I pause and blink a few times, feeling confused. I want to ask him all sorts of questions, but now is not the time. "I want us to be friends." I gently take his hand away from my face and set it down between us.

He sighs and picks his hand up to rub it over his face. "Fine," he mutters. "_For now_," he adds with his eyes boring deeply into mine.

I decide to take his hand between mine and pull it to my chest. "Please tell me I can trust you with this, Edward."

He gulps loudly and licked his lips. "You can trust me, Bella. I promise."

I jump forward to hug him, and as I pull him to me, I move my mouth to his ear and whisper, "Please remember you said that."

-x-

She's not where she said she'd be when I finally come across her. I've been walking up and down and all around the damned building. I expected to find her right outside, and instead I find her across the street on a bench in the park. She looks like a frail old lady, hidden inside an extra large gray sweatshirt that she has wrapped over her bent knees.

At the moment, she's throwing crumbs from a small Cheez-It bag for the pigeons to feast on. She's the definition of melancholy, and it makes my chest hurt to see her this way. I take a step toward her and turn my head to look over at the parking lot, where I know Edward is waiting patiently. I'm asking far too much of him, and I'm taking advantage of the phantom hold I seem to have over him. I feel guilty, but not guilty enough to regret what I've done.

Another strep in Rosalie's direction, and my worn, black Converse crunch down on a twig, causing it to crack in the air like the pop of a firecracker. It startles the birds that trot around where Rosalie's feet should be, and a few of them fly away quickly, leaving behind a fluttering trail of feathers. I start to walk faster toward her because the element of surprise is now over.

"Hey," I call out and slow my pace until I'm standing right in front of her.

She refuses to look up from the bag of crackers in her hands. "Hey," she mumbles.

I sit down on the bench beside her and grab the crackers from her hands, tossing them into the trash beside the bench. "It was Royce, right?" I ask as I turn my face to the sky. We won't be able to get through this conversation if we look at each other.

I see her slight and shameful nod in my peripheral vision. I don't know how to respond, so I don't. I'm disappointed, but I'd be a hypocrite to say so. I have my own version of Royce waiting in the parking lot a few yards behind us.

"You did the right thing, Rose." I turn my face to stare into her eyes when I say this. "Don't you dare feel guilty about it."

Her eyes squeeze shut, and she starts to cry silently. "I didn't." She hiccups, and I know she's going to sob soon.

"You didn't what?" I ask quickly; I need her to talk as much as she can before she's unable to. "You didn't what, Rosalie?" I shake her slightly.

Big tearful blue eyes glance up at me. "I didn't go through with it. I _couldn't _go through with it…" she gasps and presses a hand to her mouth before falling to pieces.

In my shock, I don't think to pull her to me and give her comfort. As the best friend, that's my job. I know it is, and I'm usually all for it. But I can't believe this. I can't even begin to understand why the hell she'd decide to continue an accidental pregnancy with _Royce King _of all fucking people!

I'm livid! At him, at _her,_ and at this unborn… thing! This will ruin her! She's smart and beautiful, and she's supposed to grow up and get the hell out of here. _We're_ supposed to get out of here. We're supposed to go to Harvard or Yale or some other snobby college. We're supposed to get our degrees in Journalism and then open up our own Review magazine so that we can openly talk shit about everyone! How are we supposed to do _anything_ if there is a baby in the picture?

"Bella," Rosalie whimpers, and instinct kicks in. Instantaneously, I put everything on hold and reach out to pull her to my side so that I can wrap my arms around her. She's fragile and vulnerable, and she _wants _me to grab her and hold her and tell her that everything is going to be all right.

But I _don't _know that. How can I? You, me, and a baby makes _three, _Rosalie!

I don't any of this, though I want to quite badly. Instead, I tightly squeeze her to me and kiss the top of her head. We stay in this embrace until my back pocket buzzes. I know it's Cullen, so I ignore it, and for a few more minutes we sit in silence, Rosalie and I. Eventually, I know I'm starting to push my luck with Cullen's patience, so I move to stand, and I take a deep breath as I do. This is going to take some serious coaxing on my part to get Rosalie into Cullen's car.

"Okay." I nibble the inside of my cheek. "So… don't freak out, but—"

Her loud snort and eye roll make me smirk and roll my eyes back at her. Yeah, don't freak out even more than you already are, Rose. I shake my head and take a quick glance in Cullen's direction. If I don't hurry up, he might come over here, and then shit will hit the fan.

"Okay, so you know how I told you Angela drove me here?" I ask her and stare at my shoes, which suddenly fascinate me like nothing else. She doesn't respond, so I look up and see her nod her head with a concerned look on her face. She knows this is leading to undesirable information.

"Well…" I go right back to chewing on the inside of my cheek until it's almost raw. "I kinda… lied." I close my eyes open them slowly to see what kind of reaction she has.

It's so much worse than I expected because when I look at her, her eyes are wide, and her mouth is hanging open. She's staring over my shoulder in sheer panic, and her hands are clenching and unclenching around the fabric of her sweater. I don't need to turn around to know why she looks like that. I've reached the end of Cullen's patience.

_Shit_? Meet _the_ _fan_.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Rosalie shrieks to the high heavens and jumps up from the bench like a bat outta hell. "Bella Swan! Explain yourself!"

"Yeah, _Bella Swan_," Cullen repeats my name and folds his arms over his chest while his eyes stare holes into me, "explain…_now_."

He's scary, but I'm still way more afraid of Rosalie right now. I turn to her first. "I needed a ride, and you said I couldn't ask Jasper or Emmett!"

"So you called _him?_" she screams and jabs in his direction.

"No," I groan with closed eyes. "I didn't. I called Jake."

"Then why—"

"Let me finish!" I yell at her in frustration. "Cullen answered Jake's phone, and I didn't have time to play 'please give him the phone,' so here we are. All I cared about was getting to you, Rosalie. You sounded so upset, and this is a seriously fucked up situation. I _had _to get here."

"But he's going to tell!" Her eyes are as frantic as her tone. "He can't tell, Bella. I'm supposed to have gone through with this! He even gave me the cash so that my parents wouldn't ask why I took out so much money from my account! I can't have him find out that I couldn't do it, okay?"

I'm stuck where I stand, unable to produce a logical explanation. Who was I kidding? No way would Cullen keep something like this away from his best friend. But how could he know it was Royce? I mentally slap myself across the face; only an idiot couldn't put two and two together. I highly doubt that Royce would ever be able to bone someone like Rosalie Hale and _not _talk about it to his boys.

"He won't." Surprisingly, it's Cullen's voice that reassures her. "I promised Bella I wouldn't tell anyone." His eyes scan my face notably. "So I won't." He turns his gaze back to her.

"But he's your best friend." She shakes her head, not believing him one bit. "I didn't even tell you who it was, yet you know it's Royce. And I know Bella didn't tell you, because she didn't know for sure until I told her."

"I'm not stupid." He scowls. "I can put two and two together. Wanna see?" He holds up two fingers on his left hand. "You and Royce snuck around behind everyone's back until he wanted to go public, and you dumped his ass like a bad habit…" He holds up two fingers on his other hand. "And now I'm picking you up from an abortion clinic. Hmmm…." He presses his fingers together with both hands, and then looks up at Rosalie. "And now four people know your secret."

I count in my head, me, Cullen, Royce and Rose. Four people, which means Jake is clueless. Wow.

"Fuck you," she sneers angrily.

He shakes his head. "No, thanks." His eyes flick over at me. "I'm good."

"Okay." I walk into the gap between the two of them. "We need to get out of here. Rosalie…" I turn to her. "I had no choice—"

"The hell you didn't!" she snaps at me. "I'm not stupid, Isabella! I know why _he's_ here. You just can't resist the chance to spend time with _him_; that's why you let _him_ drive you. You could have hung up and called someone else—_anyone _else, Bella! I would have preferred Emmett to _him!_" She points an accusing finger at Cullen time and time again.

At this, he's finally had his fill. He turns to me and mutters, "Get her on board in the next five minutes, or I'm leaving both your asses here. I mean it," he adds the last with a fierce gaze.

I wait until he's out of hearing distance before I whirl on Rosalie and start snapping. "Are you _crazy?_" I shout. "You pretty much just went nuclear on a guy who's not your enemy!"

"Does Jasper know you're still so chummy with Cullen?" she replies in a way that sounds threatening.

But I know her all too well to fall for it. "Rosalie, you're upset. You're not thinking rationally, and I get it, okay? I messed up, and I shouldn't have let him drive me here. But I was desperate, and I don't know… I just… I'm positive he's not going to tell. So just _please_, Rose… trust me."

She shakes her head sadly. "I love you, Bella, and I always will. But after today? I don't trust you all that much when it comes to Cullen." She brushes past me and walks toward where Cullen is parked, and after a few seconds of holding my breath to keep from crying, I turn and follow her.

-x-

I never thought that TGIF would mean so much until today. I am so freaking grateful that it's Friday. That means Rose and I have the whole weekend to figure what the hell to do about this bun in her oven. We're in my room, both of us on our backs, side by side, staring up at the same glow stars that have been here since I was twelve.

"I can't believe you never told me," I say again for probably the seventeenth time. "I mean… _five months_ you guys messed around, and I had _no _idea? How could I have _no _idea?"

"Please stop talking to yourself like that," Rose mumbles. "You know it freaks me out."

"Then start answering back, bitch!" I nudge her side with my elbow. "_Five months!"_

"I know!" She throws her hands up.

"And you lied to me when I asked you if there was anything going on between you and Royce!" I add to the mix of lies she's been spewing for the past _five _freaking months.

"I know." She clenches her eyes shut. "I'm sorry."

"And you're pregnant!" I yelp and fly upright to press my back against the headboard of my bed. "I can't believe you're pregnant, and you let me think you were sick again."

"I know, I know, I know!" Rose sits upright as well, but she doesn't sit beside me at the headboard. Instead, she turns to face me and bends her legs together. "I was scared, and I kept thinking if I ignored it, that everything would go away. I know how stupid that sounds, but I just couldn't believe this was real."

My eyes dart to her stomach. "Oh, it's real."

"But it'll be okay." She nods her head as if she's reassuring _me _instead of what she's really doing—trying to convince herself. "It's the twenty first century; high school girls have kids all the damn time now. I could be on fucking MTV, for God's sake!"

Now I'm pissed. I grab her by her arms and shake her. "This isn't the family channel, Rosalie! Your parents are not going to support you through this! They are going to disown you, okay? You know that. Yes, you have me, and I know my dad would never allow you to be homeless. You can stay here when it happens—because you _know _it's going to happen if you don't fix this, Rose."

"Fix what?" She shrugs out of my hands. "Fix this?" She flattens her hands against her stomach. "No, Bella. I made a choice, and I'm not killing my baby!"

"Oh, so now it's _your _baby? Do you hear yourself right now, Rose? You sound like one of those Lifetime movie teen moms, and I'm the evil mother trying to force you to abort the fetus and join a convent. This is real life, okay? It's really fucking hard, and it's a bitch. You'll have to work wherever you can, while raising a child by yourself. You'll never leave Forks. You'll be stuck here at the diner, with aching feet and lack of sleep. Who will watch the kid while you're away? Where will you live? Because I'm not staying here, Rose."

Her bottom lip starts to tremble.

I know I'm being a bitch, but she has to realize what she's actually signing up for. "What happened to college? What happened to us going to a prestigious east coast school, where we plan to defile as many innocent, nerdy boys as possible? Our review magazine? Our dream? Are you telling me you don't want any of that anymore?"

Her head shakes side to side slowly. "I want it; I want all of it. But, Bella…" She touches her stomach again. "I can't kill it."

"Stop saying that!" I snap. "It's not even a baby yet! It's a fetus! You're probably what? A few weeks along? Like, what? Two or three?"

"Eight," she whispers.

I feel chills consume me. "Oh, Rose…" I shake my head sadly.

"I need you, Bella," she whimpers as the first few tears start to fall. "I'm scared, and I don't know what to do, but I need to know that you're here for me."

My heart aches for her, and because she's my best friend, and because I fucking love her to death, I nod my head. I open my arms, and she comes willingly. "You know I'm here no matter what," I tell her. "I talk a damned good game, but when it comes down to it, do you really think I'd leave your ass alone in this?" She shakes her head, and I kiss the top of it.

"Thank you." She sniffles. "I'm sorry I said I didn't trust you."

I hold her tight and close my eyes. "It's okay."

I don't trust myself either when it comes to Edward.

-x-

_**Grow up, girl grow up, girl, you are not who I thought that you were**  
>grow up, girl, change, change<br>oh my god! you are alive! and you're breathing and you know you are  
><strong>you know we are young hearts, honey,<strong>  
>and we are beating and that we are young bloods and we are bleeding<br>**and the world is under your skin and that world you're living in**  
>but you're breathing, and you know you are<br>we are_

-x-

**AN:** Just remember: it's all part of the plan…

This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Breathe Like You're Dancing _by Sybris. Amazing song, I recommend you download! It fits the story so well. ;)

I'm thinking of composing some playlists for this story since I am such a big music fan and I love to make fanart… let me know what you guys think. I often post TSB related graphics on my tumblr if you want to see them. Link in my profile. I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter.

**See you next Friday! **


	9. Two Matchsticks

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine.

**Thank yous:** _**Jess**_; I bought way too much makeup. _**Ysar**_; thanks for fixing my mistakes—I know there were a lot of them! _**Everyone: **_I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. I feel so lucky to have people like you reading this story! :P

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you play with fire.

**Ch. 9:** _Two Matchsticks_

_Friday, Saturday, Sunday_…they go by in a blink of an eye, melding together into one very long day. Rose was either asleep or crying in my lap, and I don't think we left my room unless it was to eat or use the restroom. My DVD player had been playing nonstop. It was like our own little sanctuary in there.

But now Monday has arrived, and it's time to go back to school and fall back into some sort of "normal" rhythm. The plan is to keep going as usual until Rose starts to show. She says she doesn't mind if people start to think she's fat, as long as they don't think she's pregnant. It's really bizarre to hear those words leave her lips that morning in my car.

Yes, _my _car. Dad's lifted the 'no driving' rule, and my ankle is better than ever, which means I have to go back to cheer practice. _Boo_.

Jasper's at my locker when we walk inside, and it's no surprise to me. He's always there when I don't want to see him. It's like he knows I'm avoiding him, so he makes it a point to be in my face every chance he has. Mission accomplished, Whitlock.

"Hey." He smiles genuinely when I approach alongside Rosalie. He bends over to kiss me, and at the last second, I turn my face so that he gets my cheek. To lessen the blow, I quickly push forward and kiss his cheek back; I'm sure to press my lips as close to his mouth as I can without actually kissing him. I'm immediately flooded with guilt for being such a bitch.

"Hey," I reply back and unlink my arm from Rose to open my locker. "Sorry I didn't call you back this weekend. Rose and I had a girls' night, and well, it lasted until this morning."

Rose gives him an innocent shrug and chuckles softly to herself. "Alright," she says to me. "Time to thrill the masses of Forks High. Laters." She holds two fingers up, and I nod my head and hold up my own peace sign.

Now I'm stuck with Jasper. Okay, let me not refer to my _boyfriend_ as someone I'm _stuck _with. If this were the case, then why the hell would I be with him? I throw my books inside my locker harder than normal and cringe as they clang against the metal walls. I catch my reflection in the mirror that hangs on the back of my locker door and freeze.

"Is she okay?" Jasper asks and slides up behind me to press me against his chest. He kisses my shoulder and then behind my ear.

I blink a few times at myself and then stare at Jasper. The girl in the mirror looks like me, but something's off. I'm not _me _anymore. I have no idea who the hell I am—was—or _want _to be. Jasper's lips leave a trail of soft kisses up and down my neck and shoulder. Warm and soft.

Damn him and those magic lips. I relax immediately under his touch and nod my head. Whoever the hell I am doesn't matter right now. I'm Jasper Whitlock's girlfriend. I need to start acting like it.

"She's fine," I sigh and force myself to act normal. "Just a little bummed out that her favorite singer got the boot from American Idol."

He chuckles. "_Girls._"

My hand slaps my locker shut and turn around within his arms. "And you love us." I smirk and wrap my arms around his neck. A blush starts its way up his neck to his cheeks and ears.

He really is adorable as he tries to play it cool. "Hmm… remind me why that is again?"

I roll my eyes at him playfully and lean in to kiss him. It feels wrong, but comfortable, like a second best alternative that I'm settling into. I know that it's horrible for me to think of Jasper like this, and I keep hoping that sooner or later I'll stop. I _have_ to.

Jasper is a really great guy—he's not someone you throw away on a whim. I keep hoping that eventually I'll be happy with the choice I've made. I just wish I could be myself around him.

Whoever the hell that is.

-x-

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

**E. Cullen **_requests to be friends with_** Bella Swan.**

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

Between _**Bella Swan **_and _**Rosalie Hale**_

**Bella Swan** how goes it?

**Rosalie Hale** it goes

**Bella Swan** really? How does it 'go' exactly? Like west coast hyphy GO or gloomy teen post-adolescent idealistic phase GO?

**Rosalie Hale** how long did it take u to type that on ur iphone w/1 finger?

**Bella Swan** sub 2day in eng

**Rosalie Hale** righteous

**Bella Swan** I can txt & message all I want

**Rosalie Hale** great

**Bella Swan** so I messaged you, just to mix it up

_See? I can txt too! –B_

_Ur hyper –R_

_U can thank Em 4 giving me his extra redbull –B_

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

Between _**Bella Swan **_and _**Rosalie Hale**_

**Bella Swan** but I like messaging btw

**Rosalie Hale** y?

**Bella Swan** my alert vibrates twice instead of once

**Rosalie Hale** whore

**Bella Swan** ouch! Look who's talking!

**Rosalie Hale** low blow… but well delivered… bitch

**Bella Swan** I luv u 2

**Friend request **_confirmed. _

**E. Cullen **_and _**Bella Swan **_are now friends._

-x-

I'm not sure, but I think Jasper wants to ask me to homecoming. Which would be the best thing ever—if I liked that sort of thing. Which I don't. So I'm really hoping he doesn't ask. But I know it's dead useless because Rosalie's already informed me that we're going this year. She wants to be as normal as possible, to let everyone know that she can be the homecoming queen _and_ a mother to be.

I asked if she was on anything. She sneered and punched me freakishly hard in the arm. I have a bruise to prove it.

"Stop sulking," Rose growls and bends over to touch her fingers to her toes. I wonder how much longer she's going to be able to do these sorts of things. I wonder if she'll be one of those girls who get really fat while pregnant, or if she'll barely show at all.

"Bella," someone says my name, but I can't stop staring at Rose's stomach. I keep imagining her with a big pot belly and her cheer uniform barely hanging on by a thread. I'm oddly fascinated, and I wonder how this is going to play out in the long run.

"_Bella!_" Rose slaps my backside so hard that I yelp and topple over onto the grass. "What the hell, Rose?" I scowl up at her and rub my stinging ass cheek.

"Jasper." She nods her head toward something behind me.

I close my eyes and groan. "He totally saw me bite the floor, didn't he?" I'm so embarrassed that my face flushes hot, and it radiates down to my kneecaps.

"Yup," Rose pops the "p" at the end and stretches her back leg out. "You've got five minutes to cupcake it up, and then I'm calling drills."

"It's my first day back, Rose," I scoff at her. "Aren't you going to take it easy on me?"

She snorts. "As if. Quit your bitching and hurry up. You've got four minutes now."

I watch her get up and trot over to the others on the squad. They welcome her with smiles and laughter and sparkly eyes. That's what Rose does to people—when she's not scaring the shit out of them.

I roll over to my knees and push myself up to face Jasper, who is now right in front of me. I let him help me up and then set my hands on my hips. He takes a few silent seconds to ogle my ass in the black spandex Capri pants I have on, and then his eyes travel up to my bust. I roll my eyes at him because I don't understand what it is with guys and girls in their exercise clothes. It's just a purple, razorback sports bra under a close fitting, white t-shit. Yes, you can technically see through the material, but it's not like I have a rack the size of Pamela Anderson's. I'm barely a handful. To prove my point, I cup my breasts in my hands and purse my lips in thought, okay maybe a little more than that…

The sharp intake of breath I hear from Jasper makes my hands drop down to my sides instantly. "What?" I playfully tease him. "I just did what you _wanted_ me to, right?"

He licks his lips and then stares into my eyes. "You are so not who I thought you were, Bella Swan. You're better."

I'm not sure if this is a backhanded comment or not, so I just stand there without responding until he touches my cheek with his thumb. I hold my breath as he pushes a few strands of hair behind my ear. I'm reminded of Cullen, and suddenly it feels like I've been punched in the gut. I gasp and take a step backward in shock.

"Bella?" Jasper's concerned tone makes me break out into a guilty cold sweat. "What's the matter?" He steps forward to touch me again.

Now is _not _the time to start thinking about Cullen.

"Wh-uh, w-what were you going to ask me?" I shake my thoughts clear and blink up at him anxiously. Please just answer the damn question, Jas.

"Homecoming?" he says in the way of a question rather than an answer. "I pulled some strings, got you in the homecoming court. If you don't win, you'll at least still be a runner up, and you'll get to be in the parade with me."

"Huh?" I sound like an ass. "I mean… uh…" I clear my throat and start over. "W-why do you want me in the parade?" I blink a few times in confusion. "Wait a second, won't I already be in the parade anyways? I'm a cheerleader."

"I know, but just…" he stops to run a hand through his long sandy strands. "The night will go easier that way. I don't want to have to find you in the crowd, and I don't want you to feel left out of the festivities. This way we ride the same float, you'll be by my side, and _hopefully _you'll win queen. We can get crowned together." He winks at me.

_Hopefully_. I almost laugh. Everyone already knows that anyone up against Jasper and Rosalie doesn't stand a chance. Jasper is the most genuinely liked guy in school and _no one_ can beat Rosalie for a crown, not even Megan Fox. I'm guessing it's supposed to be "cute" that Jasper is pretending I have a chance, but it just annoys me instead. For some reason, his entire reasoning for "pulling some strings" seems superficial instead of genuine.

Also, regardless if I'm in homecoming court? Jasper and I will _not _ride the same float together. Every year, the king and queen lead the parade in a red convertible. As a cheerleader, I'll be on the same float as originally, except this time I'll have a stupid red sash that says "_Runner Up" _or something equally as embarrassing and retarded. It's bad enough that I have to move and shake while I force a smile for the pep rally on that day— now I have to rock a banner that promotes me as the "sort of pretty but still inadequate girlfriend of Jasper Whitlock."

I don't want to do it. "Jasper, I don't know…" I frown up at him unhappily.

A whistle blows, and someone shouts Jasper's name.

"Relax, Bella! It'll work out." Without warning he smacks a kiss on my lips. "Gotta go. See you later." He then smacks my behind and trots off towards the huddle of practicing footballers.

My head tilts as I watch him leave. I wonder if he smacked me as his girlfriend or as his teammate. After all, that's how I feel right now. He wants me in the homecoming court and in the parade. He wants me to _win_. He knows I have no chance, but that parting smack felt more like a "good luck champ" rather than his usual playful banter.

"Bella!" Rose snaps, and I spin around in attention.

Her eyes are narrowed and calculating. She knows I'm unhappy about whatever it is I was talking to Jasper about. I want to tell her, but I know I won't because I know what her response will be. She'll think I'm trying to find faults in Jasper so that I can break up with him and pursue Cullen.

She'd probably be right.

-x-

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

Between _**Jacob Black **_and _**Bella Swan**_

**Jacob Black** have u seen or talked 2 Cullen 2day?

**Bella Swan** no. y?

**Jacob Black** nm

**Bella Swan** Y?

**Jacob Black** not important. Chill.

**Bella Swan** TELL ME!

**Jacob Black** I'm looking for Royce!

**Bella Swan** oh.

**Bella Swan** I don't know where he is

**Jacob Black** no shit sherlock

**Bella Swan** :P

_Wall Post: to _**Bella Swan**_ from _**Emmett McCarty**

**Emmett McCarty **woohoo look out everyone! Bella's up against Rosalie for HC Queen!

**Bella Swan **ur a dork Em.

**Emmett McCarty **:D

**Bella Swan **I wish he didn't do that

**Emmett McCarty **y not? I think its awesome! I'm voting 4 u Smalls!

**Bella Swan **Smalls?

**Emmett McCarty **yep gta represent da lil peeps!

**FaceSpace Status: **

**Rosalie Hale **_Vote for BELLA__!_

Comments:

**Jessica Stanley **wtf?

**Emmett McCarty **damn rite!

**Bella Swan **IHY

**Rosalie Hale **ILY

**Jasper Whitlock **;)

-x-

I love that I'm driving again. I never realized how independent it made me; I never realized how much I _enjoyed _driving. It's crazy how one takes such small things for granted. It's also sad that this time next week, I will most likely forget all about how happy I am at finally being able to drive and end up taking it all for granted again. That's how life works, I suppose.

When I pull into the driveway beside Dad's cruiser, I kill the engine and take a deep breath. I sit in the car, just thinking for a few minutes. About what? Well, about everything actually. Every_**one**_. Rose, Edward, Jasper, Dad, Jacob, Royce… even Emmett.

For Rose, I think about the obvious. How the hell does she plan to get away with this? She knows it's all downhill from here; what is she _thinking?_ Her parents are egotistical snobs, and her dad is a politician for God's sake. How will _that _look during his next campaign? I heard he was going to run for mayor of Seattle next year. This is definitely a scandal that could ruin his chances. Rosalie _knows _this. Does that mean she did this on purpose? I don't understand her. She's so damn smart that it's hard to believe that she didn't calculate and plan this somehow.

Edward_. Cullen_. Edward. _Cullen_. I find that it's much easier to deny my feelings if I refer to him as his bad boy alter ego, _Cullen_. Because when I say his real name, I know that I'm one of the few people allowed to say it. When I say the name _Edward_, I know that it means more than a name. It's accepting him, it's encouraging him, it's… telling him I care, and that I want to be with him.

_Shit_. I'm so screwed.

There's a light tap at my window and then a shadow. "Bells?" Dad's muffled voice from the other side of the window startles me.

"_Gee—sus!_" I screech and push my car door open. "Dad!" I pant with my hand over my fast-beating heart. "What are you doing?"

"You've been sitting out here for half an hour, honey," he replies as he holds the car door open. "Something you want to talk about?" With his free hand he scratches behind his ear.

I sigh and grab my bag from the passenger seat. "No," I tell him and push out from the driver's side. "Trust me, Pops… you don't wanna know." I smirk and pat his shoulder on my way to the front door.

"I just might surprise you," I hear him mutter softly before he shuts my door quietly but firmly.

I decide to wait for him at the front door. When he comes up the steps, he pauses and stares down at me in a way that makes me squirm a bit. My dad has deep brown eyes just like I do. Comforting irises that make you feel loved and safe. I almost tell him what's bothering me as we stand right there at the front door. I want his opinion—_need _it perhaps. I'm so lost right now.

But of course, I don't tell him anything. I just smile and ask him what he wants for dinner. He informs me that there's a coupon on the fridge for pizza. I wrinkle my nose and shake my head. We had pizza three days ago. He then tries to sell me on the subtle differences between the two; _that_ pizza was from Giovanni's, and this one is Pizza Guys. I roll my eyes and tell him that I'm going to just warm up leftovers from yesterday.

Ten minutes later we're sitting in front of the TV, watching sports and picking from Chinese takeout boxes. I don't care for baseball, but I love my dad. I miss my dad. I don't feel connected to him anymore, and that scares me. He was the only one I could count on before I met Rosalie; I don't want to lose that in case I lose Rose. Because right now, I'm terrified that her parents will send her away when they find out she's pregnant.

So there we sit, Dad and me. He's watching the game; I'm watching him… and doing homework. I'm a multi-tasker. I can Dad-watch, do homework, and obsess over Rosalie all at once. I've put boys on hold because they have cooties. Ha! I wish I still believed in that; life would be so much easier for all of us. While I'm in my head, my phone buzzes to alert me of a new text message.

It's Cullen.

_Hey. –C_

I reply cleverly with; _Hey.—B_

_U home? –C_

_Yes. –B_

_Alone? –C_

_Y? –B_

_Just askin. –C_

_Dads here. –B_

_Thats coo. –C_

_Jake was looking for u earlier BTW. –B_

_He found me. Hows Rose? –C_

_She's fine. –B_

_Royce isnt. –C_

_Did you tell him? –B_

_He thinks she got rid of it. –C_

_And hes not jumping 4 joy? –B_

_U dn't knw him. Dn't judge him. –C_

_Point taken. So lay off Jasper. –B_

_Touche. But hes a douche. –C_

_Ur not funny. –B_

_Made u laugh. –C_

_Did not. –B_

_Sure. –C_

_Whatever. –B_

_What u doing this wknd? –C_

_Dunno. Hang w/Rose, prob. –B_

_Can u spare a hr or 2? –C_

_Depends. Y? –B_

_Cant 2 friends hang out? –C_

_Is that what we are? –B_

_For now. –C_

I don't respond. He doesn't press. When I look up from my phone, Dad's staring at me. When I ask him what's up, he just says, "Nothin'. Just never seen you smile like that before."

I go straight to bed after that.

-x-

This year's homecoming theme: _Vintage Varsity_.

Guess Jennifer got her wish.

"You got your dress yet?" Jasper asks me at lunch the next day.

Out loud I say, "No, not yet. I'll probably go to Port Angeles this weekend with Rose."

Inside I say, _Yes, because right after you broke the _wonderful _news to me, I dropped everything and ran all the way to the mall for a dress!_

I lock eyes with Rosalie, who smirks and shakes her head. She always gets it. I wish more people had that level of intuition. Maybe Rose and I are just special. Jessica comes up to the table and slaps her tray down beside Lauren. It's tater tot day, and she's piled it high with six little cups of ketchup. Everyone digs in, and that's when I see Rosalie's face turn green.

Immediately I jump to my feet, "I have to go to the bathroom," I blurt. "Rose." My neck snaps her way. "Come with me." I pull away from Jasper's arms and yank Rosalie away from the table as fast as I can.

We barely make it to the nearest girls' room, and even then she still doesn't make it to a stall. She's sick right there in the first sink she bends over. I quickly grab her hair in my left hand, and with my right, I turn the nozzle for cold water.

"Ew!" Some dark haired freshman scrunches up her face as she watches Rose get sick in the sink. Standing beside her is another lighter haired frosh, and she too looks disgusted. This pisses me off. Especially when freshman number one utters, "Can't she do that in one of the stalls?"

"Obviously she couldn't make it there!" I snap, and their eyes grow wide as they stand there gaping at me. "So would you rather she threw up on you?"

Both their heads shake no.

"Then shut the fuck up and get out!" I fling an arm out and point at the door.

They scatter like roaches.

"You okay?" I ask Rose and pull several paper towels out from the dispenser to give to her. She wipes her mouth after rinsing it out, and I grab a few more towels and wet them to wipe her sweaty brow. "Is this the first time this has happened so far?"

She shakes her head. "No, it's happened a few times before." She leans against the wall and slides down to her butt. "Certain smells make me nauseas and sometimes I…" She points to the sink.

I bend down to sit on the disgusting floor beside her. "So we're really going to do this, huh?"

She turns her head and blinks at me, "Huh?"

I roll my eyes, "Baby Roe." I poke her tummy. "You and me?"

She lets a small smile peek. "Well, you know, until you're off to college." She shrugs in a way that's accepting, and there's not a hint of bitterness. "But I'm glad you'll be here for the important part."

When she closes her eyes and leans her head back on the wall, I grab her hand and squeeze it before doing the same thing. "You're an idiot if you think I'm leaving you even then."

"Bella," she groans, "don't be stupid."

I snort. "You're stupid enough for the both of us, bitch. I'm the smart one; I make the decisions around here now," I joke to lighten the mood, and she chuckles softly to herself. "So…" I run my free hand through my hair. "Vintage Varsity, huh?"

She rolls her eyes behind her closed lids. "Why'd you have to piss everyone off that day? You could have vetoed that shit."

I frown. She's right, of course. If I had just gone with the flow, I could have shut that down like a power plant. "So, this weekend…I'm guessing it's a field trip to Port Angeles, right?"

"Actually," she groans and plops her head onto my shoulder, "my parents are coming home. I guess one of my dad's investments is having an issue. He cut their trip short, and mom wants to host a dinner."

Dread laces her voice, and understandably so. My body tightens as I remember the last time I allowed Rose to drag me to one of those. Think Ann Hathaway in the first Princess Diaries film, during the dinner scene with all those prime ministers. Yeah, that would be me. Only substitute the fiery arm for a fiery table, and… yeah.

"Don't worry." Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "Mom said you're not invited to a Hale family event ever again."

My shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. "Gee, I wonder why."

She pinches my side, and I yelp. "But anyways, I'll probably order online this year. I don't think I'd be able to handle a long car ride."

My body slumps, and I groan, "I can't go alone, Rose."

"Take Angela," she suggests.

I grimace. "I'm still pissed at her, and I hear she's going with Ben. Fuck both of them."

"Well, there's always Jess—"

I pinch her side and she squeaks. "What about your new bff, Jake?" She snickers into my shoulder, and I roll my eyes. She's not funny.

The bell does its thing overhead, signaling the end of lunch. We both sit there for a few more silent seconds, and then I'm up and pulling her arms to help her stand. When we're at our classes and ready to part ways, she grabs my wrist and pulls me over to whisper in my ear, "Do _not _go with Cullen."

I hate how well she reads my mind. And I hate even more how well she picks my pocket to reads my text messages. I hold my hand out, and she drops the device in my open palm. With a scowl on my face, I snatch it up and hold it to my chest.

"I'll do whatever I damn well please," I snap at her. "You did." My eyes travel down to her stomach, and I ignore the small intake of air she sucks through her teeth.

"Fine." Her voice sounds shaky. "Do whatever it is you like, Bella. I just thought you would learn from my mistakes, but I guess you're just too damn stubborn and need to learn them on your own."

She doesn't wait for me to respond before she slips through the door to her class.

I don't hesitate to punch in Cullen's name in my contacts before I hit the "send text message" button beside his name.

_You free this weekend? –B_

_Depends. –C_

_I need a ride to Port Angeles. –B_

_Im not ur chauffer. –C_

I hesitate and bite my bottom lip as I stand outside my classroom. I feel so fucking guilty, but there's another part of me that's thrilled to be doing something against everyone else's wishes. It's something _I _want for once.

_Do u want to see me or not Cullen? –B_

_Its not Cullen. –C_

_EDWARD. –B_

_I'm busy. –C_

_Bullshit. Pick me up at 2 on sat. –B_

He doesn't reply right away, and I head into class on pins and needles. He waits until school's out before he finally replies.

_B outside 1:30. –E_

With a smirk, I reply: _OK. –B_

My fingers tingle from the burn of playing with fire.

-x-

_Whenever you come home you light a little fire_

_A little fire barely enough to burn you_

_And Heaven knows it only gives a little light_

_But sometimes just a little light it gets you_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Two Matchsticks _by The Wooden Birds. Amazing song, I recommend you download ASAP.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter. I'm typokween at whatever website you go to pretty much. If you see typokween—it's me.

**See you next Friday! **


	10. Catalyst, You Insist To Pull Me Down

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine.

**Thank yous:** _**Jess**_; Boo, I'm crossing you out—X (no wait, you redeemed yourself via text message, LOL! Looove you!). _**Ysar**_; I learn something new every time you beta, Girlfriend! Oh, and I added last minute stuff, so please don't hate me (*bites nails*). _**Everyone: **_I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. Seriously, you guys are awesome! I wish I was able to get a grip and thank you individually.

I'm on Pacific time, peeps. This still counts as a Friday update! :P

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you realize you've just sailed off down a shit creek without a fucking paddle.

**Ch. ****10****:** _Catalyst, You Insist To Pull Me Down_

It's only Wednesday, and every day since Monday (the day I made plans with Cullen for the weekend), I've felt antsy and guilty. Rosalie knows, but not because I told her. She snatched my phone the second I walked out of class and read Cullen's final answer.

Right now she's just acting like she doesn't care, but I know she does; it's so freaking obvious. Every time my phone is in my hand, she's on me like white on rice. I don't know what she expects to see; it's not like I'm sending love notes to Cullen for fucks sake. In fact, I haven't even heard from him since Monday, which makes me want to crawl up the walls because I don't like being the one left waiting. He's supposed to chase me, not have me chase him.

_Is that what I'm doing?_

I stop my brisk walk across the quad from the parking lot toward the football field for cheer practice. My entire body is frozen where I stand. _What the fuck am I doing?_ I know damned well I cannot just be friends with Cullen. By all means, I should stay as far away from him as possible—_I have a boyfriend!_ What part of that do I not understand? I tell myself it's perfectly fine. I can be friends with Cullen, and if Jasper has a problem, then that's something he will have to deal with. He can't tell me who I can hang out with.

_Would you be okay if he hung out with another girl behind your back? _

I don't like this other voice I'm hearing in my head. It's the reasonable one that usually comes from Rosalie's mouth, not my own subconscious. I've flipped my fucking lid. I need to seek psychiatric help; I think I'm schizophrenic.

"Bella!"

Okay, that was outside of my head. Right?

"Belly-boo!"

I whirl around, and Emmett is jogging over to me. "Hey." I lift my chin in acknowledgment.

He snorts and copies my greeting. "Hey."

I roll my eyes at his raised chin and shake my head. "What's up, Em? You gotta talk and walk because I'm already late for practice."

"Rose is on one this week, huh?" He grimaces and follows in step with me.

I have to agree. She's been at a 10 all week on the bitch-o-meter, we need her to be at about a 6 if we plan to get through the rest of the week. It's funny in a way because Rose and I are tighter than tight when it comes to the baby stuff, but when the topic of Cullen rears its head, she slides right into bitch mode faster than a hot flash.

"Yeah," I say, nodding my head, "her mood swings are giving me whiplash."

Em lets loose a loud guffaw and slaps his big bear paw of a hand down on my shoulder. "Classic!"

I try to hold back my amusement because we really shouldn't be making fun of Rosalie anyway, given her situation. But Emmett doesn't know her situation, so he rears his head back and roars with laughter as we make our way to the back of the school.

"Hey, are you and Jaz doing okay?" Emmett's hand squeezes my shoulder right when we step onto the field.

I freeze, and I know he feels it because his fingers dig deeper into my flesh. I try to shrug him off, but he's back like an annoying housefly. So I treat him like I would the fly. I slap his hand off and away from me, following my action with a look of annoyance aimed his way. He catches on quickly and backs off, but his brow furrows as if he's confused. This is where I start to panic. I don't want to lie to Emmett; he's the only one besides Rosalie that I fully trust. So if he asks me about Cullen, I don't know what I'm going to say.

"Bella?" Emmett raises a hand to touch my shoulder, but when I tense up, he drops it and sighs. "I knew it."

I gulp. "You knew what?"

"How did you find out?" He sighs and rubs a hand over his face. Then he snorts. "Well actually it's not hard to guess how you found out. It's not like he's hiding it."

This is where that voice in my head from before starts to pipe up again. _Who is hiding what? Does he know about Cullen? What did I supposedly find out? _

Out loud I say, "Yeah, well… uh…" _shit_. I'm totally stumped.

"It's okay, Bella." His eyes are thoughtful. "It really doesn't mean anything anyways. They're just friends. It's kinda funny how they got to _be _friends, but…" He shrugs and scratches behind his ear while he looks anywhere else but at my face. "But as long as you know that they're _just friends,_ then—"

"Hold up!" My hand darts out to stop him. "What the fu—"

"Emmett! Let's go! Practice started six minutes ago, you loser!" Tyler Crowley shouts through cupped hands. "Stop flirting with Whitlock's girl and get your ass on the line!"

Emmett throws him a scary look and then starts walking toward his team. The same hand I held up to stop him now flies out to stop him once more. "Emmett, wait!" I yelp and grab onto his bicep. "What were you talking about just now?"

"Jaz and Alice," he answers matter of fact, "I was worried you were gonna do that girly freak out thing, but you seem cool with it." He pats my hand over his arm. "I underestimated your awesomeness." He winks at me and then jogs over to his team.

My eyes dart around the field in search of Jasper. _What the fuck _does he think he's doing? Alice? As in Alice _Brandon?_ Super skank who is also a super whore and who once kept Edward from… I pause. Did I just refer to Cullen by his first name? I gulp as I think this over.

To me, there is a difference when it comes to Edward Cullen. Everyone refers to him by his last name only. It's what he prefers. If someone were to even accidentally call him by his first name, he'd blow a fuse and go nuclear on their ass. Even girls were afraid to call him by his first name, although I'm sure he'd let them slide the first time.

So why did he want _me _to call him Edward? What made me special? Why did he get angry if I _didn't _call him by his given name? Which brings me to my main concern, my place in Cullen's life vs. his place in mine. In a perfect world, I would be blissfully unaware of Cullen's existence and live on happily with Jasper. In that perfect world, I _wanted _to be with Jasper instead of _needing _to be with him. But the world is far from perfect, thus my dilemma. Where do Cullen and I stand? Better yet, where do I _want _us to stand?

I've been trying to figure out a way to separate myself from Edward. When I call him Cullen, it's like he's someone outside my circle—and my life. That night in the guesthouse laundry room never happened. So if I call him Edward, I'm accepting it happened, and I'm also allowing some sort of attachment to form.

I cannot let that happen. No matter how badly I want to fuck Edward's brains out.

My cheeks turn red. I blush. I can't believe I just thought that. Or imagined that. Or… _wanted _that. But I do. I so, so do. It's not bad if I don't say it out loud, right? As long as I don't act on it, it's harmless. No one will ever have to know. Except for the fact that I'm not sure I can promise not to act on it. Cullen's sudden nonchalant attitude is driving me fucking crazy. He wanted me, he was wrapped around my finger. What the fuck happened to that? Was I losing him? Something about that concept made my stomach hurt.

I look up just in time to see Rosalie throw me a death glare, and I know it's time to get my shit together. We have a game coming up against Port Angeles High, and they're really fucking good. Jessica is convinced we'll win if we don't screw up our half-time number. I think it's all just a horrible waste of time since the playing field has not yet been decided. If we end up playing in Port Angeles then all of this practicing is for nothing. No cheer team is allowed to do a half-time routine at another teams school.

However, I know that if the game ends up being in Forks, Rose just wants to show off in front of Alexis, Port Angeles High's head cheerleader. They share a rivalry that's been going strong for four years now, ever since their freshman summer at cheer camp. I wasn't on the squad then, but Rose told me it has to do with Alexis ripping off a cheer from Rose and using it at the end of summer cheer competition.

Rose's team won regardless, but she still hates Alexis. I asked her if she got that from a _Bring It On!_ movie and was promptly slugged hard in the shoulder. I'm behind Rose one hundred percent, but I'll always wonder if there's more behind the rivalry than she lets on.

Whatever the reason, Rose has been cracking the whip all week. _Hard_. We have the routine down, but she won't let us go home. It's getting late, and we're losing daylight, but when someone brings this up, Rose just moves us all to the gymnasium. Way to go, Makenna.

Yet that's not the most prominent thing on my mind right now. My thoughts are all over the place as we relocate from the field to the gym. I should be way more upset than I am about this newfound friendship between my boyfriend and Alice Brandon. I should also be way more upset that Rosalie is acting borderline crazy. The cheer-nazi is rearing her ugly head again…

"What the hell is up her ass, Bella?"

Riley Biers approaches me, with Kate Stone and Mike Chang not too far behind. My eyes search behind them to see a few more people on the team looking over at us, waiting for my answer. But I don't get to answer—thank God—because Rosalie storms over to break us apart and order us to our designated spots in the lineup.

I'm a flyer, so I head towards the back of the group and stand with my usual bases; Riley and Mike. My stomach starts to grumble as dinnertime nears. It makes an embarrassingly loud sound, and I look around to see who's heard it, but their eyes are up front with Rosalie. I follow their lead and groan when I see Jasper, Emmett, and Tyler sneak into the gym and climb the bleachers.

If Rosalie is aware of their arrival, she doesn't let on. "I'm changing the routines," she starts with her hands firmly placed on her hips. Gasps and cries of outrage fill the room and echo off the walls.

"What do you mean?" Lauren squeaks in a panic.

"I mean you suck, and there is no way we're going to place in the finals if you all keep sucking. I want Scorpions at the end of that last number we just did."

I gulp at the thought of all six flyers being held up in the Scorpion positions while everyone is so exhausted. No way can we pull that off tonight without someone getting injured and carried out the door. My legs are shaky enough as it is since I haven't eaten since lunch.

"Actually," Rosalie starts up again, "I want to change the music, too, as well as a few other stunts. All of our routines will have to be redone; it's embarrassing to even watch you do them."

"What the hell, Rose?" Jessica's voice is especially high and whiny as she moves forward to argue with the captain. "We worked our asses off on those routines, and Sectionals is in two months! No way can we come up with six new numbers and still—"

"Who is the captain of this squad, Jessica?" Rosalie interrupts with venom in her tone. She waits for an answer before she continues, and when Jess nods her head, Rosalie bites it off. "Then sit your ass down somewhere, _Stanley_. In fact, sit out the entire game on Friday. Do not wear your outfit to school. Do not meet us at Giovanni's before the game. Do not _come_ to the game. If I see you do any of those things come Friday, I will kick you off the squad," she growls. "Now nod your head, and tell me you understand what I've just said to you."

I shiver where I stand; I've never seen Rosalie launch into someone like that while she was sober. Not that she wouldn't do so ever, just not… in front of the squad. Rosalie usually burns people behind closed doors to be discrete. This is unlike her, even when she's at her moodiest.

"Okay!" I call out after finally having had enough of her animosity. Rosalie's eyes burn into mine as I push past the others on the squad to get to her. "Go home everyone," I say to them over my shoulder. "We have all day tomorrow to deal with the routine for Friday's halftime. Right now, I think it's best we all get home and get some rest."

A collective exhale of breath circles the air. I'm not their captain, but I'm their captain's best friend. I might as well be co-captain. Which I guess, technically I am… right?

"What are you doing?" Rosalie hisses under her breath.

I glare right back at her. "I'm saving your ass from fire and pitchforks. You need to calm down before people start to ask questions."

"I don't need to calm down!" Her voice rises and everyone freezes from their escapes. "You are not in charge of this squad, Bella! Do I need to bench your ass, too?" she growls in my face so angrily that I hardly recognize her, which pisses me off, and ultimately… I blow my top clean off.

"Calm your inner bitch down _now, _Rosalie Hale." I point a finger in her face and stand up as tall as I can. "Pack your shit, leave this room, and wait for me in the parking lot." With my eyes, I dare her to fight me on this. I'm prepared to wrestle her ass down to the ground if I have to; her behavior has gotten ridiculous as of late.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the boys making their way down the bleachers. Emmett looks especially eager to break us up, and I know I have only a small window to talk to Rose before he's within earshot. With my hand still in her face, I yank it down and grab the front of her shirt to pull her toward me. "Emmett is coming over here, so please _calm down, _Rose. People are already asking questions," I plead with her. "I don't know what set you off, but you _need _to get a hold of your attitude."

"Exactly." She scoffs and jerks free from my hand. "You _don't_ know. If it doesn't have to do with _Edward Cullen, _then you don't really give a shit, do you?" She shakes her head in disappointment. "There's only room for one self-centered person in this friendship, Bella."

With that, she turns around and leaves the gym. It's a dramatic exit, but it would have been better executed had she remembered to grab her things. I roll my eyes and stuff her things in my arms to carry back to the locker room. But then I think about all the people inside just waiting to ask me what happened. When I glance at the exit Rose took, I see Jasper waiting for me against the wall.

I gulp and walk over to him. He takes the stuff from my hands, and we walk to my truck silently. When I'm settled, he pulls my face to his and kisses me softly. I try to deepen our kiss, but he pulls away and places one last touch of his lips to my forehead.

"We'll talk later," he says and shuts my door firmly.

I don't quite know what that means.

-x-

"I can't hang out with you," I blurt as soon as the other end of the line picks up.

"What?" The sound of laughter and the clinking of glass overpowers his words, and I squint while trying to decipher where the hell he could be in the middle of the week on a school night.

"I can't hang out with you this weekend," I clarify the second time around.

There's a deep breath and then the sound of lips being licked before an exhale. "Why not?" I can almost see the smoke blowing outward and curling up into the air around his face.

"Because," I hesitate, "I…" deep breath. "It's complicated."

He snorts and then sighs deeply. "Whatever."

I blanch at his cavalier reaction; I thought he would have at least tried to convince me otherwise. In fact, I think I'm disappointed that he's not. So naturally, I open my mouth when I should keep it closed and say the one thing I know will get a rise out of him.

"_Whatever._" I throw the word back at him. "It's not like either of us were actually serious about it anyways."

"What the hell does that mean?" His voice sounds strained, as if he's trying to gain control of his temper.

I roll my eyes and pull a hand through my tangled hair. _Ouch_. "It means," I grimace as I fight with a knot my fingers are caught in, "exactly what it sounds like. I'm not cryptic like you are when I talk. I say what I mean."

He chuckles at me. "That's rich, really. Because actually, Bella? You never say anything at all."

My skin burns with anger. "Well, maybe when it comes to you? I have nothing to say."

Silence. Direct hit. I gulp and fidget with my toes inside my socks as I sit on my bed cross legged. I feel like every second that ticks past like a timed bomb counting down to its ultimate explosion. Suddenly, he pulls in a deep breath and I inwardly start to panic. Alarm bells start to ring inside my head.

_Mayday! Mayday! Danger, Will Robinson!_

"You know what? You're right. When it comes to me you have absolutely _nothing _to say." He pauses for a moment. "Then again, it's usually because your mouth is otherwise occupied."

Said mouth drops open in complete shock. I can almost literally feel steam racing out through my ears. My eyes bug out and I fist my bed covers in my free hand.

"Trust me," I hiss, "my mouth has better things to do… _bigger _things." Why the fuck did I just say that? I cringe and do a face palm. I am such a freaking idiot!

A bitter laugh pushes past his lips. "Whatever you say, Doll Face. But I think we both know that's a fucking lie."

"I hate you," I reply with a tremble in my voice.

He inhales with a long breath and answers me back with the smoke held inside his lungs, "Now that one I believe." He exhales.

"I have no idea what the hell I ever saw in you." I aim to hit below the belt. "You're just like every other douche bag with a fast car and no morals."

"Yeah, and your little bitch boyfriend is a fucking _dream_, right?" He snorts. "_Please_."

"Jasper is ten times better than you will ever be." I sneer into the phone. "He's smart and funny. He's the a quarterback on the football team and everyone is friends with him because he's a _nice _guy. And unlike like you? He doesn't beat the shit out of people when he's angry."

I hear a bitter snicker from Cullen's end. "Well you just have it all figured out then, right? You're so… well put together." His voice is condescending. "So perfect!"

I don't like where this is going.

He grunts maliciously before he stabs me in the chest with his next words. "You're so bored you don't know what to do with yourself. Anyone with half a brain can tell you're fake as hell when it comes down to it. You hate me because I see through that little act of yours—unlike those fake ass people you call friends. And when I'm with you, I expect for you to be real with me. But you don't even know how to, do you? And that fucking terrifies you doesn't it?"

I gasp softly. My hands start to shake as it all hits me right to the stomach. It literally feels like someone's punched me in my gut. He's wrong, he's so fucking wrong. He _has _to be wrong. I shake my head back and forth as if to convince myself that he is. Anger consumes me in place of panic, it's my go-to emotion when I feel myself start to crumble.

"You might want to tell your skank to stay away from my boyfriend." I can hear myself say the words, but I can't actually comprehend that I've just uttered them.

Silence, then, "Excuse me?"

The tone of his voice makes me shiver. Oh yeah, I've got his attention now.

"Your little tramp that keeps you cozy at night." I snort. "I don't appreciate her attempt to make my boyfriend her next victim."

This time he laughs out loud. "Well, maybe if you kept your 'boyfriend' satisfied, he wouldn't creep around behind your back with other girls. As for this skank and/or tramp you speak of? I am warning you now never to use words like those again when you speak of my best friend."

"Fuck you!" I snap. "I can call her whatever the hell I want. You don't know me, Cullen! No one does, so screw the both of you. Just tell her to stay away or—"

"Tell her yourself. I'm not your messenger boy," he growls out, and then there's the distinct sound of a click before the line goes dead.

I blink down at my phone in complete shock. Did Cullen just hang up on me? Why the hell did I just threaten his friend over something I only halfway care about to begin with? I trust Jasper; I know there's nothing going on. But there is _definitely _something going on with me.

I just have no idea what the hell it is.

-x-

There nothing good on TV. This frustrates me because I already ate the rest of the ice cream from the freezer and I still feel like shit.

I don't like feeling like this—hell, I'm not even half-way sure what I am feeling. All I know is that it's like being stuck in one of the Tea Cups at Disneyland. Spinning, disorienting and discombobulating. Over and over again. My mind is a whirlwind of voices and sounds and thoughts and images.

Dizzy.

I'm so dizzy from everything going on in my fucking head and it won't stop.

"Honey?" Dad shouts down the stairs from his room.

I fly up from the couch. A distraction. This is what I need.

"Yeah, Dad?" I ask anxiously.

"Can you open the door for Harry and Billy? I just got a text saying they were pulling up now." His answer makes me laugh softly.

A text. I snort. It's so weird when I hear my dad talk about receiving a text. I roll my eyes and walk through the kitchen to pull open the door, just in time to see Harry's truck pull up to the house. I nod my head and give a small wave when Harry rolls Billy up to the door, and I hold the door wide for them to enter. Dad comes downstairs shortly after and tells me they're all here to watch the game together. I smile and nod my head, but inside I'm still out of whack and struggling to remain calm_. _

I greet Dad's friends, who are almost like uncles, and hurry up to my room. I check my Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr before slapping my laptop closed and groaning. Rosalie hasn't tried to call or contact me yet, but I know she will. It'll hit her eventually that I was right; she needed to calm down. I was right; I know I was.

But she was right about Cullen.

My phone rings, and I lunge across my bed to grab it from the nightstand where it's charging. I don't look to see who it is because I don't care. I just need to talk to someone so that I'll stop talking to myself. But when I answer and realize who it is, I quickly change my mind.

"Come again?" I blink several times and ask the caller to repeat themselves.

A long exhale fills my ears. I start to clench my hands into fists. She inhales deep. I dig my nails into my sheets. "Hello?" I snap angrily.

"You heard me the first time," she snaps back.

"Yeah, and I must be hard of hearing because I know you can't be so stupid as to call my phone," I all but growl at her. "How did you get my number anyways? Did _he_ give it to you?"

"No, I took it from his phone," she mutters.

I laugh bitterly. "Which 'him' are you referring to exactly? Seeing as how you like my sloppy seconds and all."

"You know what? You don't deserve either one of them." She scoffs in a sound of sheer disbelief. "I tried calling in hopes of understanding what the hell it is about you that you have _two _amazing guys, both crazy about you. I now realize it's _not _because you're this cute, little, funny girl. It's because you're a whore, and you put out."

My stomach drops, and I pull my sheets up from my mattress. I see red instantly. "Don't mistake me for yourself, Alice Brandon." My teeth are clenched tight as I hiss out the words.

"Don't mistake Edward and Jasper as your doormats." Her words are like a knife to the chest.

She hangs up before I can respond.

-x-

It's late, and I'm cold, in front of his doorstep, shivering in flannel pants and a small zip up sweater. I clench my fingers around my cell phone as I wait for him to open the door. His last text said to wait for him here, but it's been almost ten minutes, and I'm a fucking popsicle out here.

Not to mention I think I'm on the verge of a serious nervous breakdown. I can't get my brain to shut the fuck up. I can't sleep. I can't even eat. I skipped dinner when Harry and Billy brought catfish for Dad to fry up and he boasted about his special spices. An old family recipe he claimed. The sound of the door creaking draws my attention, and I feel relief when he steps out and stares down at me.

"Hey," I mumble softly.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" His question is well deserved, but I don't really have a solid answer.

So I go with the truth, "I, um…" I lick my chapped lips and bite the flaked skin. "I need to tell you something."

His shoulders fall in relief. "It's about fucking time." He ushers me inside and shuts the door behind us.

-x-

_**You're hiding something, 'cause it's burning through your eyes  
>I try to get it out, but all I hear from you are lies<strong>_

_And I can tell you're going through the motions  
><strong>I figured you were acting out your part <strong>  
>Once again, we're playing off emotion<br>**Which one of us will burn until the end?**_

**Catalyst, you insist to pull me down  
>You contradict the fact that you still want me around<strong>  
>And it's all downhill from here<br>And it's all downhill from here

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song All Down here From Hereby New Found Glory. The sound is upbeat, but the lyrics are so perfect!

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter. Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P

**See you next Friday! **


	11. The Fear

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine.

**Thank yous:** _**Jess**_; thanks for being there when I ask for your opinion on the same thing 100 times before I finally shut up. _**Ysar**_; thank you for all you do to clean up my messes. _**Everyone: **_Thank to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. My cupcake runneth over with laffy taffy.

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you're told to go fuck yourself.

**Ch. 11:** _The Fear_

I'd like to think that I always know exactly what I'm doing in the moment that I'm doing it. But I don't. I never do. I always rely on someone else to do the job for me. Make the decision for me. Take the backlash for me. I'm not good at being me. I don't even know who _me _is. I never did.

I would cry right now if I could. The tightening in my chest feels like a ball of built-up, unreleased emotions, ready to burst out like an alien baby in a horror movie. But I can't cry. I won't cry. It just… won't happen. I feel it, but it doesn't follow through. It feels like a sneeze that won't come out.

I push the welling emotions down -w_ay _down- and get out of bed to get ready for school. Dad's already gone when I come downstairs for breakfast.

The kitchen is not empty.

I gasp when I see him sitting there, casually looking through the paper. The sunshine beams merrily through the window behind him, casting an ironically angelic glow around his still form. My outburst causes him to look up, but he doesn't look surprised or relieved or anything I would expect.

He's mad. Like, insanely so. He slaps the newspaper down onto the table so hard that it rattles on its unsteady legs. I move back a step when he stands, but he comes at me with such a determined speed that I'm quickly backed up against the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. His hands are at either side of my face, pressing against the wall. I blink up at him, confused and lost in a cloud of dizziness that I cannot explain.

"H-how… how did you…?" I'm unable to finish. I can't speak.

Green eyes with flecks of gold splattered throughout his irises. I nervously chew on my bottom lip and peel the skin back. Suddenly one of his hands turns into a fist and slams against the wall behind me; I feel the vibration from the hit rattle me all the way down my spine. My heart starts to beat faster and heavier than before.

"I broke in," he teases me in a very unkind voice. "Does it even matter to you?" He laughs without humor, and when I look away, his hand yanks me by my chin to look at him again. "I'm trying to talk to you."

"Go fuck yourself," I snap and press my hand to his chest to shove him away.

He doesn't move an inch, and when I rear my hands back to do it again, he grabs me by my wrists and slams them high above our heads. I wince at the pain from hitting the wall and the strength with which he holds my wrists captive.

"Just who the fuck do you think you are?" He scowls into my face and squeezes my wrists painfully tight. "Answer me, goddamn it!" he roars into my face.

"Get off me!" I scream back.

"I saw you," he says in a tone that is deathly calm.

"Huh?" I ask, confused.

His fingers dig into my wrists. "Where were you last night?"

My face pales.

"Are you going to deny it?"

I shake my head when he asks, and somehow my reaction sets him off again.

"I _saw _you last night, Bella. I fucking _saw _you walk inside, and I waited for two goddamn hours until you left! I almost went inside and beat the shit out of him!"

I glower at him. "You are not my boyfriend."

"I don't give a _fuck _who I am to you!" His rage crashes over me in waves of heavy ropes that anchor me down. "You have no right to fuck with me like this!"

"I'm not doing anything to you!" I cry out angrily.

"_Stop lying!_" I can see the cords in his neck thicken as he strains to rein in his fury, his entire body trembles from it and in return I start to shake with fear.

"You're hurting me," I whimper and pull at my throbbing wrists. "I swear to you, I didn't go there to upset you. He's my friend, too."

This… was the absolute **WRONG** thing to say.

In an instant, my wrists are free. I slump over and cradle them to my chest as I slide down the wood frame a little. I don't fall to the floor because all of the sudden, Cullen goes absolutely insane in my kitchen. I scream and fall backward into the living room, and then I scramble back to my feet as he roars and starts to throw random objects around in the kitchen. I hear a crash and then the sound of breaking glass, followed by some sort of snarl.

I can feel my heart beg me from within my chest to run; my legs tense, ready to spring into action. But I don't run; I can't even move. So I stay where I am, in the middle of the walkway between the front door and the kitchen, with my eyes squeezed shut and my breath held. He's not breaking anything now, nor is he throwing things, but he's grumbling to himself under his breath, and I hear his feet against the hardwood floors as he paces back and forth in the kitchen.

Suddenly he yells, "Goddamn it, Bella!" and a chair gets knocked over and thrown across the living room.

I jump and cower back a few steps to shakily sit myself down on the stairs. I hear him tear through the newspaper and fling it into the air. There's a crunch of broken glass beneath his boots, the hard, deep panting from his mouth, and the few garbled words he growls out as he fights to gain his control back. While he does all this, I sit on the stairs and press my face into my hands. My hair isn't washed, and it feels oily against my fingernails when I slide them through the roots.

Then it's quiet.

He's not grumbling anymore. He's not throwing things or breaking things or shouting out my name followed by explicit cursing. There is no crunch of glass, so I know he's done pacing. But I won't open my eyes. I don't want to see the mess. I don't want to see _him_.

I'm not given a choice. Before I can catch my breath, I feel two hands curl around just under my shoulders and yank me up to my tip toes. I gasp, and my eyes fly open to look down at him in stunned silence. He's shaking with anger, and his fingers slide down to squeeze my waist. I watch his jaw muscles clench and release, clench and release. He shudders and lets go of me, so I fall back down to my normal height.

"Why'd you do it?" He sounds like he's begging.

I blink several times in confusion. "Do what?"

"Do not make me say it," he utters in a breathy tone.

"I don't know what you're talk—"

"Bullshit!" he barks into my face and pins me so that my back is against the stair barrier, and his hands are clenched around the handrail. "You are such a fucking liar! I know why you went there last night; there is _no _other reason you would be there that late."

"Jacob is my _friend_," I cry with an embarrassing tremor in my voice. "This has to stop, Cullen. You are not my boyfriend!" I shove him back a step so that I'm not trapped between his arms anymore.

"Stop saying that!" he roars so loud my ears start to ring. "I can't believe I lied to Royce for you! I drop everything to pick you up. I beat the shit out of guys for you. Everything I do when I'm around you is out of my control. _You _came onto _me _that night, Bella… and this is how it is? You're just going to fuck my best friend behind my back?"

My mouth drops open and closed as I fight to find a decent comeback. Then I realize what he's just accused me of, and I hit the roof. "How dare you!" I scream and shove my hands against his chest again. "I didn't sleep with Jacob, you asshole! I needed to talk to someone about…" I pause; no way in hell am I going to admit it was about Cullen to his face.

"Yeah," he snorts and backs away from me, "that's what I thought. You can't lie for shit, can you?" He's down the stairs and going for the front door two seconds later.

"Hey!" I shout and go after him. "Hey!" I claw at the back of his shirt and yank with all my strength. It barely slows his steps, and only when he hears the stretch of cotton does he stop to turn and glare at me. "You can't just come in here and break shit, then _insult _me, and leave! Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Don't try to play the victim." His voice is hoarse as he scoffs at me. "I just came here to make sure you stay out of my life and away from my friends. That includes Alice, Royce, and Jacob."

I'm utterly blown away by the audacity of his request. He's certifiable. I want to slap him and drag him through hot coals. I want push him against the wall like he's done to me, rip his arms high above his head, and crush his wrists painfully together. I want his heart to pound and his breath to shallow out until he feels helpless. I want him to feel like I do.

"For your information, _Cullen,_" I pause to make sure he understands the hidden message in my tone, "you invaded _my _life. Jacob was _my _friend first. Rosalie is _my _best friend, whose life Royce has ruined. And Alice is the one who called and harassed _me!_ On top of all that, _you _are the one who keeps getting violent every time we are within five feet of each other! So don't stand there and try to pin all of your shit on _me!_"

I refuse to break my gaze from his angry glare. I see every muscle in his body tense up the way a lion would do right before he sprang out to attack his prey. Am I Cullen's prey? A tremble makes its way through my nervous system right then. I breathe a shaky breath and try to calm my body down.

"I want you to leave." My voice is barely above a whisper.

He, of course, doesn't move. I drop my gaze. I hate that I've done so, but I can't keep fighting with him like this. I don't understand what the hell is going on here. It's so obvious that there are so many things left unsaid and unknown. But no one is brave enough to ask questions, let alone answer them.

"Why did you go to Jake's last night, Isabella?" The sound of my full name from his lips makes me flinch. He takes a bold step towards me, and instead of stepping away, I stay where I am.

I can feel him standing over me, feel his eyes taking in every detail, from the top of my head to the chipped nail polish on my toes. I realize right then that I haven't put any shoes or socks on yet. He waits for me to answer, and I know he won't leave until I do.

"I went there to talk." I take a deep breath as Cullen's signature scent of leather and weed fills my nose. I gulp and continue, "About…" I bite my lip. This is potentially very embarrassing and/or very stupid to admit out loud. "I just needed someone to listen… someone who knows me… the _old _me." I still don't look up from the floor.

He leans closer; I watch his hand move as if to touch me, but it quickly falls back to his side. "Why?" he asks, and I hate that he's making me do this right now.

I can remember my entire conversation with Jacob last night, but I cannot recall one single decision that had been made. My silence only fuels the anger Cullen feels, and I bite my lip and cringe because I'm scared he'll start to throw things again. He doesn't do that, though. Instead he starts to babble, and I start to contemplate how to respond…

-x-

"_What are you doing here, Bella?" _

_Yes, what _am _I doing on Jacob Black's doorstep at one in the morning? If his dad knew I was here I'd get my ass handed back to me by Charlie. _

"_I, um…" Like always, I pause and start to chew on my bottom lip. I'm here because I'm confused. I'm confused, and I need someone to remind who I am because I can't remember. "I need to tell you something_._" I finally I raise my eyes to look Jake in the face. _

_He seems relieved, and I'm surprised by how much weight his words take off of my shoulders. "It's about fucking time." _

_It feels weird, sneaking down the hall past Billy's door to Jacob's bedroom. I've never had to sneak in before. My nerves bunch up even more when he shuts the door and locks it behind me. He chuckles at the uncertain look in my eyes and brushes past me to flop back onto his bed. _

"_Talk," he says and rests his head on his hands. "I'm sure I'm going to love this. I got a bet going with Royce that says you and Cullen are official before Christmas." _

_I sigh and sit at the end of his bed. "This is about more than Edward, Jake." I turn to look at him and feel my eyes water up. _

_He sits up instantly on alert. "What happened? Did someone hurt you?" _

_I shake my head and wipe eyes with my sleeves. "No, I'm the one doing the hurting apparently." I hiccup and take a deep breath to try to calm myself enough to talk. "I talked to Alice today." I look down at my hands because I know they're friends. "She said some things that got me thinking…"_

_He scoots closer. _

_I wipe my nose and dare to raise my gaze to his. "Who the hell am I, Jacob?" I shake my head back and forth. "Because I have no idea, and I've recently come to believe that I never did."_

_He breathes through his nose and pulls on my sleeve so that I'll slide closer to him. "You're Isabella Swan." He nudges my shoulder. "You're different from who I remember, but…" He shrugs. "There's still some of that girl inside you."_

"_Where?" I mumble. "I can't remember the last time I did something without stopping to think what everyone else would think about it first."_

_When I look at Jake, he's deep in thought while chewing his bottom lip. I want to shake him and make him say something meaningful. I need someone to say something significant to me right now, something that will sway me left or right from this straight line I've been bordering for the past two weeks. But he just sits there, quiet and contemplative, while I have a mini panic attack not six inches away from him. _

"_This was a mistake," I huff and jump to my feet. "I'm sorry I bothered you so late. I shouldn't have come here." I don't give him a chance to respond before I reach for the door, but I forgot that he locked it, so when I twist the knob, it doesn't turn. _

_He uses that distraction to his advantage and places a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I know you want me to make the decision for you about Edward," he sighs, "but I won't do it. This is something you have to decide for yourself, Bella."_

_I scoff and roll my eyes before I turn around and face him. "That's bullshit."_

_His brow wrinkles. _

"_Do you think I would be here if it was something I could decide for myself?" I whisper-shout at him angrily. "I have been going back and forth inside my head for _weeks_, Jacob! And every single time I come full circle, right back to where I was before. Undecided!"_

_He shrugs. "It's your life. At some point, you gotta grow up and do shit for yourself. Rosalie won't always be around," he says pointedly. "Otherwise you wouldn't be _here_."_

_I bite my lip. He has a point. _

"_No one is gonna live your life but you, so why live it any other way but your own?" He takes a step away from me and gives me this skeptical look. _

"_Because what I want is not something that I can just have, Jake. There are consequences to everything, okay? I have worked too hard to get where I am today to change things up now. No one will understand and I'm barely hanging onto my popularity right now by a thread." I shake my head and bury my face in my hands feeling frustrated. _

"_God, Bella. Grow a fucking backbone, will you?" He scowls angrily at me. "Who _cares _what other people think? Why do you care so much anyways? Everyone at your school are superficial assholes and even if they're semi-nice to your face? They'll still talk hella shit behind your back."_

_I cringe because I know he's right. But he doesn't understand because he's never been unpopular, he's always been relevant. _

"_Because it's better than being invisible," I confess softly—shamefully. "If that makes me shallow," I stare into his eyes, "than I guess I'm shallow. Excuse me for wanting to _exist_ in a place where everyone around me looked happy and alive while I felt miserable and lifeless."_

_His face turns sympathetic, "Bella…"_

"_Stop it. Don't look at me like that," I snap and push past Jake to sit at the end of his bed. _

_I don't want his sympathy. I want his advice, I want to have a moment like Dr. House from House, MD. I fucking love that show. He always seems to find the answers he needs through conversations with Wilson. I need Jake to play the role of _my _Wilson._

_Fuck, that makes me the mentally unstable and narcissistic, Gregory House. _

"_I don't know how else to be, Jake." I shrug my shoulders. "Somewhere between making the cheer squad and hooking up with Edward at that party… I lost myself. I forgot what the actual goal was. To feel like I exist and to make friends. I thought it would make me happy."_

_Jake joins me on the bed and wraps an arm around my shoulders affectionately. "Are you happy, Bella?"_

_I shrug. "For a little while."_

"_And now?" he prompts me to continue._

"_Now I don't know what to feel anymore. It's like I can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not." I look at him. "What's wrong with me?"_

_Now it's his turn to shrug. "I wish I had some meaningful advice to give you, Bells. Because I know that's what you think you need right now. But all I can say is to first figure out what it is that you want." _

_I blink at him, not knowing how to respond._

"_I'll have your back no matter what, okay?" he promises. "So, what do you want?"_

_That's a loaded question I'm too chicken to answer._

-x-

I don't understand why he's so upset.

From the small amount of time that I've had to get to know Cullen, I know he's short tempered. I know that he sees and hears what he wants and interprets every situation as the worst case scenario. He won't let me get in a single word between his shouting, and the more he talks, the more upset he gets. I can't even comprehend what it is he's saying because he keeps talking himself in circles.

His lips are moving, his eyes are watching, his body curved towards mine like a plant in the sun… but it's so intense that it scares me. As if it could swallow me whole.

"I can't…" I shake my head with clenched shut eyes. I feel in that moment like I can't breathe. My chest hurts, my body is trembling.

_What do you want, Bella?_

I want to be happy and feel like myself again. But how do I get there? More importantly, how do I figure it out while trying to figure _him _out?

"Edward," I mumble too softly for him to hear over the sound of his own voice. I take a deep breath and try again, a little louder, a little firmer. "Edward…"

It doesn't work. He's still talking. He's still saying things that don't make much sense. About his childhood. About _my _childhood. About growing up separately, but not apart…

"_Edward!_" I cry out, and finally his mouth snaps shut in surprise.

But now that I have his attention, I'm unsure what to do exactly. Do I tell him what I'm feeling? Do I tell him how scared I am? Or how unsure I am that being scared even matters? Does he care about how I feel or does he only care about himself? Because if he cared at all he wouldn't have gone postal in my fucking kitchen.

His eyes are wide and his chest heaves with quick, worked up, breathes. "What?" he asks me. "What is it?"

This will never work. Me and him. Him and me. I'm clingy and needy and insecure. He's possessive and temperamental and arrogant. I care what people think, and he couldn't care less. He's black, and I'm white. He's hot, and I'm cold. Opposites. Why the _fuck _do they attract?

But the thing is that _I'm _trying to change. I don't want to be this person anymore. What about him? What if he stays this way, violent and arrogant and angry all the time. I take a look around the house and dread what the kitchen looks like. I'm mad and frustrated and confused and scared and…

"Bella?" he replies gently as he takes a step closer. "Say something… Fuck, say _anything_. Just don't shut me out, okay?"

I say the first thing that comes to mind, which is, "You destroyed my kitchen."

His face falls in disappointment. "That's it? That's all you have to say after everything—"

"Everything?" I scoff upset. "You keep acting as if we've had this long, torrid love affair. Newsflash, Edward. It was _one _night. Okay? Do you get it? Do you understand? _One _night is not equivalent to the amount of shit you keep dumping on me. Yes, I feel something for you," I pause and take a deep breath to gain control of myself. I watch his hands fists at his sides. I cringe, not knowing what my next words will do to him.

"But you've caught me at a bad time in my life right now, Edward, and I'm sorry," I shake my head apologetically, "but I can't be _that _girl for you, okay? Not right now, i-it's… it's too much!"

He blinks and stares down at me as if I've just told him that I've run over his puppy. I feel bad, and for a moment, I'm almost tempted to comfort him with a hug. But I know that it would be stupid to do anything that might contradict what I've just decided. Wow. I just made a decision—for _me_.

Why do I feel like crying?

"Look," I sigh and run a hand through my hair, "we can go slow. Try first to be fr—"

"Don't," he stops me cold with a stern gaze.

I wish it were that easy, but my mouth won't listen. "Look, just because I can't be your girlf—"

"Stop!" he snaps.

My mouth finally gets the message and snaps shut. I gulp and look up at him in wait of his next move. I expect him to try to get me to change my mind. Or get mad and make this a clean break by calling me names that will haunt me tonight before bed. Of course he does neither of these things.

Instead he says, "I'm sorry I wasted your time." His voice is hoarse, and his face devoid of emotion as he turns and walks out the front door.

I stay standing in front of the stairs until I hear his car start with its usual loud growl that always makes my skin tingle. I wait for him to peel out, but I'm left waiting for a while because it never happens. I close my eyes and imagine him driving down the street to the first stop sign and making a right towards La Push. I sigh and turn to stare at the entrance to the kitchen and prepare myself for whatever mess lies within.

I tell myself not to cry. There is no reason to cry right now. I don't bother looking for my shoes or my backpack or my car keys because I know right then that I'm skipping school today. It's for the best anyway; I half assed my history report that's due in third period. Now I have time to rewrite it after… after I clean up the colossal fuckcluster that Edward left behind.

There's an ache in my chest, and I can't say for sure what the cause is. Him leaving? Or him not giving me a chance to explain myself.

-x-

"_You've reached Rosalie. After the beep… fuck off."_

**Beep. **

I groan. "Rose, seriously? You're going to ignore me now? Nothing I said yesterday wasn't anything you didn't need to hear. I'm sorry, but you were headed for trouble, and I had to step in before things got bad." I don't know what I expect this message to do, but I keep talking anyway.

"I'm sorry about the Cullen thing. It's over now, okay? For good. I told him this morning that I'm not ready…" I nibble my bottom lip. "I'll tell you everything later, Rose," I pause, "please just call me back? I need you, and I know you need me, too. I need my best friend, and I miss you, and I'm sorry, okay? Please… just _please_ call me back."

I hang up.

-x-

The game is tomorrow, and since I missed a day of school this week, I won't be cheering. Which is fine with me, but I know Rosalie is probably having an aneurysm because of it. But she's still not talking to me, so when the clock hits 10 p.m., I officially don't give a shit how she feels.

I've also turned my phone off.

I look at the clock one more time and decide to go to bed. Tonight can't get any worse, and I'm eager for it to be over, no matter how shitty tomorrow is going to be.

-x-

Ryan Reynolds is running around my house naked while listening to his iPod, when I hear a ping come from the window I'm watching him from. I want to call out to him and make him come up to my room, but every time I open my mouth, nothing comes out. I hate dreams where you know it's a dream, and you still can't control it.

Fuck my life.

_Ping!_ There it goes again, that annoying sound like a pebble against glass. I cringe as another _ping _and another _ping _and another and another hit the window until suddenly…

With a deep breath, I fly up in bed and blink several times, looking around my dark room. The pings are coming from my window—_duh_. I stumble out of bed and groggily look outside to find Jasper waving at me from down below. I groan louder and bang my forehead against the glass.

I knew this was coming sooner or later, but my money had been set on later. I can't play happy Bella for Jasper right now. Not at—I check my clock—_one _in the fricking morning? Is he _drunk?_ I scowl down at him and then push away from the window to make my way downstairs. Thankfully, Dad is in bed, and I hear him snoring from outside his door. Yet I still tiptoe down the steps and wince if any of them creak.

Jasper is on the porch swing when I walk outside. He has a long stemmed rose in his hands, and I pause and stare down at it as if it's a ticking bomb. I thought I was going to be the one apologizing. Why is he here so late—_sober _at that—with a fucking long stemmed red rose?

"Hey," he greets me gently.

I approach him cautiously and cross my arms. "Hey."

Jasper holds the rose up for me and gives a meek smile. "I got you this."

I don't move to take it. Instead, I narrow my gaze and go through a number of reasons in my head as to why he's here. He did something bad. He's come to tell me he's gay. He's quitting football. He's moving. He's finally realized that I'm a terrible girlfriend and has come to break up with me... I watch his face for a clue, and when nothing happens, I look down at the rose again.

"Why?" I tug at the bottom of my gray hoody.

My flannel pajama pants are white and pink checkered, and I usually sleep with a plain white tank when I wear them. No way was I going to step outside in the cold with just a flimsy _white _tank top, hence the hoody. Which is actually my dad's, so it's large and baggy and swallowing me whole.

Jasper sighs and wipes a hand over his face. "Can we not do this?" His hand with the rose drops down to his side. "Emmett told me, okay?"

I gulp. Emmett told him _what _exactly? Fuck, I'm going to hell with gas soaked underwear for all the lies I've told _this week_. I'm also damned for the secrets I've been keeping since that night with Cullen.

I blow a breath of air through my mouth and move past him to sit on the bench. With my sock covered feet, I push off the floorboards so that I start to swing, and then I pull my knees to my chest. I have to tell Jasper about Cullen. I need to know where we'll stand after that. I _need _Jasper in order to forget about Cullen, but I can't keep lying to his face.

"I have to tell you something—"

"I know you know about Alice—"

We both pause after hearing what the other has said.

I nod my head. I'll go first. "Yeah." I breathe deeply. "I know you and Alice are friends."

"But that's it, Bella. I swear it. I couldn't even sleep tonight knowing you might think otherwise. I really, really like you, and I want to be with _you_." He reaches for my hands and grasps them firmly before he joins me on the porch swing. "Please believe that."

"_Fuck_," I whisper softly.

Come on, Bella. Peel it off like a Band-Aid.

"Jasper, I have to tell you something." I close my eyes and bite my lip. I can't look at him when I say what I have to say; it's too hard, and I'll lose my nerve.

"What it is, baby?" He scoots closer and starts to rub his thumbs over the backs of my hands.

I laugh at the irony of his kindness and pull away from him gently. "Please don't be nice to me right now." I brave eye contact and then chicken out and look away. "You and Alice…" I lick my lips and force my gaze to his. "It's okay."

He's confused. "It is?"

I nod. "Yes, because it's not fair of me to get upset if I've been kinda doing the same thing with…" Just _say it_, Bella. Damn it! _Just say it!_

"With Cullen," he finishes.

I flinch. "You know?"

He coughs out a bark of a laugh. "I'm not fucking stupid, Bella."

"But you never…"

"He's the past." He takes my hands again. "I want to be your present."

I shake my head. "But I don't."

The smile on Jasper's face disappears. He blinks in shock and backs away slightly, with a long exhale of breath. "Wow." It's apparent that he honestly did not see our conversation going this way. "Okay, uh…" He scratches behind his left ear and pulls away from me completely to stand and pace the porch.

"What the fuck, Bella?" He grimaces down at me. "I thought you liked me."

I gulp. "I did." I clench my eyes and shake my head. "I _do_, but…"

"But you're still into Cullen," he replies simply. "Real winner you got there." His tone holds the first hints of bitterness.

"Don't say that." I jump to my feet defensively. "And no, I'm not still into him!"

_Lie_.

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" Jasper snaps back at me.

I shy away at his words and back up a few steps to put a distance between us. I know he's not Cullen, but I can't help but feel cautious around angry members of the opposite sex right now. My feet feel cold in my socks; I clench and unclench my toes to put some feeling back into them. I want to wrap my arms around myself, but I feel like that would make me appear too submissive.

"I deserve to know why you're ending this, Bella. Tell me!" he expresses himself in exasperation.

I don't like to be rushed, so I get mad. "Because it's not fair to be with you if I have feelings for someone else!"

Oh, Bella. That was _not _the right thing to say.

"I knew it," he laughs and bitterly and holds up his hands out at his sides as he backs away from me. "Alice told me—"

"_Fuck Alice!_" I scream so loud that I'm positive it woke my dad up. "If I hear her name _one more fucking time _I will drive to La Push and beat her fucking ass!" I shout and storm forward to get in his face. "I don't give a _fuck _what that little bitch has to say about a God damned thing. Do you get me? I'm breaking up with you because I care about you. I _do _like you, Jasper, which is why I don't think it's fair to string you along when I have so much shit going on in my life right now." I dig my fingers through my hair in frustration.

He gulps and licks his lips without responding. I can see that he's holding back whatever he wants to say, and in that moment, I'm thankful because I can't handle it if he pisses me off right now. I've totally fucked myself on this one. Tomorrow everyone in school will hate me even more than they already do. Way to go, Bella! Dig that hole deeper!

"_You _have shit going on?" He laughs as if this is absurd and leans towards me to sarcastically utter, "Join the club."

"Don't be mean," I whisper softly. "Please, Jasper. I don't want you to hate me, okay? I care about you so much."

"Yeah," he mutters, "sure you do."

He starts to back down the steps toward his car, and I reach out for him. "Jasper, wait!"

"Not now, Bella."

He yanks his hand arm away from me hard enough to make me lose balance and stumble backward to slip and fall on my ass…just in time for my dad to open the front door to find Jasper turned toward me as I stare at up at him in shock. In an instant, Dad is charging outside and shouting threats at Jasper, who looks torn between seeing if I'm okay and getting the hell out of my dad's sight.

"Dad, stop! I tripped!" I try to reason with my irate father, but he's not having none of it. I would stand if I could, but I feel like my tailbone is on fire. Whose idea was it to put steps on this damned porch?

Dad finally manages to chase Jasper off, and as I watch his truck pull away, I allow Dad to help me stand. He keeps asking if I'm okay, and tells me all the different ways he plans to murder Jasper. He doesn't listen to any of my explanations, and I can't help but look back at this later on and fucking laugh my ass off. He has no idea how much worse things could have been if it were Edward on our porch in place of Jasper.

I thank God for small favors.

-x-

"_You've reached Rosalie, after the beep… fuck off."_

"Be on your fucking porch, ready for school, at 7:30 sharp, or I will pull your ass out of bed by your hair, bitch. We need to talk."

I hang up immediately after my threatening message, swallow an Ambien, and force myself to go to bed.

I do not dream.

-x-

_**I don't know what's right and what's real anymore  
>And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore<br>And when do you think it will all become clear?  
>'Cause I'm being taking over by The Fear<strong>_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _The Fear _by_ Lily Allen_. Download this song ASAP; it's awesome and so Bella at this point in the story! If you have a song that makes you think of this story, please share it with me.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter. Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P

_**P.S.**_ So, I'm a music lover. Specifically Indie Alternative, but I have a combination of ALL music on my iPod. So let's play a little game…

**Challenge: **_Guess how many songs I have on my iPod._

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**See you next Friday! **


	12. Dear Departed Predecessor

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine.

**Thank yous:** _**Jess**_; thanks for being there when I ask for your opinion on the same thing 100 times before I finally shut up. Not to mention the numerous amount is text messages where I ask if you read what I wrote yet. _**Ysar**_; thank you for all you do to clean up my messes & letting me add last minute changes. _**Everyone: **_Thank to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic, you have no idea the power of your awesomeness.

Speaking of awesome. I usually try to keep these AN's as short as possible but… I need to give thanks to **The Lemonade Stand **and to **Crooked Smile** and **PAWsPeaches**. Because of you two this story has traveled fast! Thank you so much for pushing this story like Cullen, Roy & Jake push weed! Get ready, cuz I'm going to tackle hug you very soon. Oh, and **Suzie55**? BB I just cheated so bad with another vanilla latte breve AND a blueberry muffin! _Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin! I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning! _

_**DID YOU KNOW:**_ that in my mind I have casted Rosalie Hale as the GORGEOUS actress Amber Heard, Jasper Whitlock as Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights, and Royce King as Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries?

-x-

**The Slowest Burn**

_That awkward moment when…_ he just doesn't get it.

**Ch. 12:** _Dear Departed Predecessor_

Today doesn't start out so great.

For one, Rose is not outside her house when I pull up. Glory is all too happy to inform me that Ms. Rosalie left with a handsome hulk of a young man not fifteen minutes before I pulled up. Which means Rose meant for me to see her leave in another car—because I was fifteen minutes _late _getting to her house. _I think it's safe to say that Rosalie is still on the warpath. _

For two, when I pull into the parking lot at school, I feel like everyone knows about me and Jasper. All eyes are on me when I get out of my car and walk to my locker. Snickers and whispers and not-so-subtle finger pointing occur as I walk past. In first period, Tyler Crowley asks me to homecoming—right before Mike swaggers in and gives me a suggestive wink followed by a tongue in cheek motion of a blow-job. I end up getting sent to the principal's office when I throw my calculus book at his face.

Three… waiting for Mr. Greene to open his office door and let me inside.

I miss Rose _a lot_. So much so that I contemplate going to her class right now and begging her to forgive me. Hoping against hope that showing humility can garner some sort of mercy on her part for me. Maybe I _was _too hard on her? I should have been more considerate of her feelings; she's bound to be more sensitive with that spawn of Satan growing in her uterus.

_Smack!_

I cringe at the sound of an angry stapler being slammed down upon poor innocent slivers of paper.

_Smack!_

Especially since its Lauren Mallory doing the stapling. Which also means that everything will be out of order and disproportionate. She's not known for her exquisite sense of coordination during a half-time routine. She's nearly always a beat or two behind everyone else, and that's mostly because she's always searching the field for Tyler.

_Smack! _

I have to bite my lip to keep from turning around and verbally lashing out at Lauren to knock it off. There's no reason she should be stapling that hard. Unless she's practicing her karate chops for self-defense. Lord knows she'll need all the help she can get if I ever get a hold of her.

_Smack! Smack!_

Aaaaand… there goes the last of my patience.

"Will you knock it off?" I whirl around and snap.

She tilts her blonde mane and snorts. "You can't tell me what to do. Not anymore, anyways."

I scoff. "I don't have to tell you. I'll just _make _you." To prove my point, I stand up from my chair and take a step toward the reception desk to yank the stapler out from her hands.

She gasps and looks around for a teacher. "You are such a bitch!" she ends up huffing and crossing her arms in a pout. But then her expression morphs into a haughty smirk. "Then again, I guess I'd be a bitch, too, if I got dumped by Jasper Whitlock."

I can't imagine Jasper going around telling people he broke up with me, but word had to have gotten out somehow. "Is that what he said?" I snort back at Lauren.

She shrugs. "Didn't have to. Mike overheard Jasper and Emmett talking this morning and put two and two together. Gosh, Bella," she feigns innocent concern, "you must be utterly devastated! First Rose, now Jasper? I don't know how you even managed to get out of bed today."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever." I slump back down in my chair and wait for Principal Greene. He takes forever! I wonder if… I turn around to face Lauren. "Is he even fucking _in _there?" I motion to his door.

Lauren smirks. "Nope."

I flip her off as I pass her to leave.

_Bitch._

-x-

I make it all the way to lunch without hitting anyone else in the face. I'm actually very proud of myself for that. I've managed to ignore everyone so far and not allow their teasing to get to me. It's not as bad as I expected, and that just worries me because I wonder if they're all saving the good stuff for later. Isn't this the moment they've all been waiting for?

"Bella!" I hear Newton call out my name down the hall.

I keep walking without pause to my locker. I can hear him coming closer, so I shove my books inside as hard as I can so that he sees I'm not in the mood right now. He either doesn't get it message, or he doesn't care. My guess is both.

"So look…" He leans against my open locker door. "I know we got off on the wrong foot before, but…" he pauses, and I watch him slide a finger down my locker door. "But I was kind of hoping that maybe you and I could… you know…" He looks up at me and winks.

I stand there, saying nothing and fighting to keep a bored expression on my face. Anger will only fuel his teasing, and if I look upset or hurt, he'll just tell everyone I'm in love with him. Or that he made me cry because I threw myself at him, and he denied me. I've seen him do it to girls before, and I've always told myself that would _never _be me.

I blink and continue to stare at him in silence.

"You know…" he urges me on and rolls his hand for me to reply.

I don't grant him that wish.

"Bella?" His blue eyes blink, and I wonder how the hell I ever thought he was remotely attractive. He is a good looking guy, but he ruins the appeal with his shitty personality. His arrogance will be his downfall.

"No," I mutter.

"Huh?"

I scoff. "No, I don't _know _what you're talking about." I growl out, unable to keep my trap shut anymore.

"Babe," he chuckles, "I'm just trying to help _you_ out here." He shrugs and then has the balls to push back a lock of hair behind my ear. "You're gonna need someone now that Rose and Jas don't have your back anymore. And out of the goodness of my heart…" He clutches his chest. "I'm willing to do that for you."

I almost laugh, but I hold it in; the punch line is coming soon. I must wait for it—because I know it's going to be good.

"And why would you do that for me, Mike?" I play along.

He grins triumphantly. "Because that's what… _friends_ are for." He says "friends"' as if he's just said "fuck-buddies_ ._"It's unbelievable how stupid this guy is. "So what do you say, babe? You wanna be… _friends_ with me?"

My God, he's disgusting. I wrinkle my nose at him and shake my head. "I'd rather be buried alive."

"This offer is limited, Swan," he responds icily. "If I were you, I'd be smart about this." He reaches a hand out to pull at the bottom of my shirt.

"Don't touch me," I hiss and draw myself away from him lightening fast.

He scowls. "Come on, Bella, stop being such a tease. No one's gonna want Jasper's sloppy seconds."

I slap him across the face and slam my locker door shut before I spin around on my heels and storm down the hall to the restroom. I ignore the string of curse words he shouts at me and don't slow for anyone—not even the snickering freshman. The girls' room is empty when I enter with a flourish and slam my back against the door. My chest heaves in and out, and my heart thunders as it pumps searing hot blood through my veins.

My fists clench furiously at my sides. I knew Mike was a dick, but I never knew how big of one he was until today. I no longer feel bad for what Cullen did to him at that party a few weeks ago. This entire day is bullshit, and I want to leave before it gets worse. But doing that would make me look weak, and I don't want these fuckers to think they've gotten the best of me.

Even if technically they have.

I splash cold water onto my face to calm my jumbled nerves and then lean over the sink and take in deep breathes through my nose and out through my mouth. Fuck them. I can do this. It's only the asshole populars who are bothering me anyway. Everyone else couldn't really give a shit about what happened between Jasper and me. I wish I could talk to Angela, but I ruined that when I blew her off this week because I was mad at her. Now she won't even look at me anymore.

Five more minutes pass before I'm able to get my shit together and leave the restroom. I go to the parking lot to eat in my car, and the rest of the day goes without incident. I don't see Rosalie all day, and I skip the game after school.

-x-

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**  
>Between <em><strong>Bella Swan <strong>_and _**Rosalie Hale**_  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> Really, Rosalie?  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> Wow.

**FaceSpace Status: **  
><strong>Rosalie Hale <strong>_my life belongs on Montel Williams' show._

Comments:  
><strong>Jessica Stanley <strong>wtf?  
><strong>Lauren Mallory<strong> who is MW?  
><strong>Jennifer Ford<strong> OMG ur stupid Lauren. Shoot yourself.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty<strong> font row ticket rite here—u mad?  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> u are both weird.

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**  
>Between <em><strong>Bella Swan <strong>_and **Emmett McCarty**  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> Hey Em.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty<strong> What up Bellyboo?  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> NM. Bored.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty<strong> n-e 1 still messing w/u?  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> no. y?  
><strong>Emmett McCarty<strong> no reason jus askin.  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> I don't exist. Again.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty<strong> HOLY SHIT! U mean im talkin 2 a ghost?  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> ha ha *sarcasm*  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>cheer up smalls, I don't talk 2 peeps that don't exist.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>n we talkin rite now.  
><strong>Bella Swan<strong> thnx Em.

_Wall Post: to _**Bella Swan**_ from _**Emmett McCarty**  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>People who don't exist don't have FBs!

Comments:  
>Bella Swan ur a dork Em.<br>**Emmett McCarty **:D  
><strong>Bella Swan <strong>ily.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>rite back at u bella.

-x-

Two weeks.

That's how long it takes before Rosalie finally breaks down the ice wall she put up between us. All those days I spent alone, which was actually therapeutic because I hadn't even realized I needed alone time until I actually had it.

The day after my incident with Mike, everyone backed off completely. I was told by Emmett that Jasper had threatened everyone with bodily harm if they messed with me. At first I was upset that Jasper hadn't told me himself, but Emmett said that Jasper was still too upset to talk to me. I dared to ask him about Rosalie and was told he was not going to get in the middle. He begged me to sit with him at lunch, even offered to sit at a different table with me. But I couldn't even be in the same room as Rosalie; her cold shoulder was giving me frostbite.

So I waited.

Fourteen fucking days I waited until she finally cracked and showed up on my doorstep one morning before I left for school. It was Friday, and we had a game that night in Port Angeles, so I had to pack a travel bag the night before. I had my warm-ups on because it was too damn cold to walk around school all day in a skirt. That's Forks for you.

A royal blue, ladies' cut, polyester, brushed tricot, warm-up jacket hugged my body closer than I would have originally liked. The front side pockets had zippers, which was great for hiding joints without having to worry about losing them later. The white and silver stripes down the sleeves always made me feel like a walking hazard sign. If not for the Forks High School logo on the left side of my chest above my heart, I could have mistaken them for my junior high gymnast warm-ups. They were the same style, just different colors. Only this uniform wasn't baggy; it was form fitting and zipped tight, and the shoes had to be pure white Adidas. And when I say pure white, I mean it. If Rosalie even thought she saw a scuff mark, she would banish you to the bathroom with a tooth brush and bleach.

The only plus side to the ensemble was the matching Adidas ClimaLite pants. They're awesome because if you sweat, they magically evaporate the moisture. Every time I wear them, I always wonder if they would work if you got wet in other ways…

I was contemplating this idea when I swung the front door open and saw Rosalie standing in front of me with a hand raised to knock. I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do. So here we are now, staring at each other awkwardly, as we wait to see who will speak first. She does.

"Hey." Her big blue eyes are exceptionally wide as she says this.

I clear my throat and close the front door behind me. "Hey," I mumble and turn to lock the door.

"Umm…" She fidgets where she stands and shoves her hands into her jacket pockets. I wonder for a moment if she has a joint she's rolling between her fingers right now. Then I remember she's pregnant, and the hope of getting high floats away unhappily.

"Two weeks," I mutter.

She cringes and then nods. "I know."

Immediately, I start to feel the anger I've been holding back creep up and flow through my veins. How dare she ignore me for this long and then show up like this? Like nothing is out of the ordinary. Like she didn't pretend I was invisible for two fucking weeks. My palms start to sweat as I clench and unclench my hands around the strap of my duffel bag. I can feel my heartbeat thump louder and harder and faster. My anger rises until it finally boils over.

"_Two fucking_ _weeks_, _Rosalie!_" I scream at her and drop my cheer bag down at my feet. "While you were sitting at the popular table with Emmett and laughing with the very people who I fucking despise, I was hiding out in my car in the parking lot every damn day like a fucking loser! I _needed _you these past two weeks, Rosalie. You have no idea what I've been going through, and on top of that, I've been worried sick about how you were doing with the baby. So now you want to come here and just expect me to forgive you?"

She blinks and shakes her head. Damn right, she better say no; she's insane if she thinks I'll let this slide. We've never been mad at each other for this long before. I mean, seriously, two mother_fucking _weeks? How the hell did _I _allow this shit to continue to fester between us?

"I'm sorry, okay? I just needed some time to myself to figure some shit out. If you haven't noticed, I'm little fucked right now." She presses her hands to her stomach.

I grimace and refrain from reminding her that I have shit going on, too. But I know as well as she does that her problem is ten times worse than mine. So I don't say a word. Instead, I stand there and let her say whatever it is she's come here to say. Then we'll go from there. I already know I'm going to forgive her; I miss her too much to continue to be mad. I miss my best friend, damn it.

"Bella, please," she begs and takes a step towards me. "I'm so, so sorry. I know I've been a bitch, and I've been ignoring you, but…" She bites her lip. "Things have been happening lately, and I'm… I'm…" She closes her eyes a takes a deep breath. "I'm embarrassed," she whispers.

"Of what?" I cross my arms. "We know everything about each other. How could you be embarrassed, Rose?"

She gulps and then hesitantly she says, "I told Royce. I mean," she pauses to take a breath, "he found out, or well… he asked, and I told the truth."

I freeze.

"He and I have been talking for the past couple weeks," Rose continues miserably, "and I honestly thought things might be okay." Her eyes rise to meet mine. "He was being pretty cool about it. He swore he wouldn't say anything and that if I wanted to have the baby, he wouldn't bother me about it." She shrugs.

I scowl. "Wouldn't bother you about it? Does that mean he expects you to raise a kid by _yourself_?" What a fucking jerk! "Rose," I continue, "tell me you told him where to shove it and that he better start saving 'cause you're going to need child support soon."

She shakes her head. "I don't want anything to do with Royce, Bella. And he was totally okay with that until…" She stops, and her gaze goes down to the floor. "Until he saw me with Emmett and flipped out."

"Where?" I demand and move forward to touch her elbow.

She sighs and looks at me, "Last night when I was buying bigger jeans in Port Angeles. Emmett's been really nice to me these past few weeks. I asked him if he wanted to go with me, and when we got there, we ran into Royce and Cullen."

I suck in a breath through my mouth.

"It was horrible, Bella." She starts to cry. "Royce started yelling and accusing me of lying about who the father was. He wants a paternity test, and then he said if the baby is his, then he wants to be a part of the baby's life. I know he's only being this way because he's jealous; he doesn't give a shit about me or the baby!"

On instinct alone, I pull her into my arms and allow her to cry into my shoulder as I shush her and try to calm her down. "It'll be okay, I promise. I'll make sure of it."

"I don't want him to be in my baby's life, Bella!" Her sobs are muffled by my jacket. "I wish more than anything I could make this baby wait until I'm older and found a better father. Why couldn't this have happened with someone like…?" She hiccups, and I swear I think she says Emmett's name.

"Hey," I mumble as I hold her, "we'll figure this out."

She cries harder into my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I missed you so much, but I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I lied to you in the first place."

My anger drains away from me like water from a faucet in a sink. "Hey, I lied to you about Cullen," I reply as I rub my hand up and down her back. "We're even."

She pulls away and frowns at me, and I lift my hand to her face to use my jacket as a tissue. "I really am sorry, Bella. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

I nod my head; I know she's telling the truth. I know she really is sorry—and I know I'll hold those two weeks over her head when I want something she won't give me. That's what best friends do. _Ha_.

"We need to get to school," I say as I rub my hand up and down her back soothingly. "I'll drive, and we can talk on the way."

She shakes her head and wipes at her eyes. "I don't want to talk about it right now. I just need to get through today, and then tonight maybe I can sleep over, and we can talk about it then?"

Her eyes look hopeful, but her posture is defensive. She knows she's in the wrong for ignoring me. She knows I could potentially tell her to fuck off and never speak to me again. It's because of that, because she's never seen us as anything but equals, that I know I'll forgive her. We'll go right back to where we were before all this shit happened.

She's my best friend, and I'm hers.

"Yeah, alright." I nod my head in agreement and watch as her shoulders relax with pure relief. "Come on, though. We can't be late, or we won't get to cheer tonight."

-x-

**FaceSpace Status: **  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>_Hooty Hoo, bitches! It's ON tonight!_  
>Comments:<p>

**Jasper Whitlock** did u forget ur Ritalin again Em?  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>_of course I did! how the hell do u expect me to block for ur ass 2nite? Need a clear head!_  
><strong>Tyler Crowley <strong>I feel you bro! SHUTOUT 2NITE!  
><strong>Emmett McCarty<strong> that's what im talking about!  
><strong>Tia Kebi<strong> plz plz plz win 2nite, I hate those port angeles bitches.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty<strong> really? Ya'll should take that out on the field. I'll ref.  
><strong>Mike Newton <strong>fuck yes, do it!  
><strong>Alec Deluca <strong>preferably in the rain and mud.  
><strong>James Doneli <strong>in ur underwear  
><strong>Chelsea Salvatore <strong>u r all perverted pigs  
><strong>Garrett Donovan <strong>oink oink baby  
><em>17 people like this.<em>

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**  
>Between <em><strong>Jessica Stanley <strong>_and **Rosalie Hale**  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> hey Rosie, r u and Bella like… friendz again?  
><strong>Rosalie Hale<strong> like… yes.  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> I thot u 2 were done.  
><strong>Rosalie Hale<strong> we were in a fight. I don't see how it has anything to do with you.  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> whatever rose, she broke poor jaspers heart! Shes a bitch!  
><strong>Rosalie Hale<strong> 1st of all? U don't know what happened between them.  
><strong>Rosalie Hale<strong> 2nd of all? When has it ever been ok to talk shit about Bella? Oh, thats rite. NEVER.  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> take a chill pill rose. Geez.  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> Its like u get all moody and bitchy whenever u r around bella  
><strong>Rosalie Hale<strong> u knew we were going to work it out jess. Just like u and lauren do – DAILY  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> whatever. So I guess that means u wont need a ride to PA after school.  
><strong>Rosalie Hale <strong>Good guess. You should play the lotto.

**FaceSpace Status: **  
><strong>Jacob Black <strong>_to those who are on my ass about 2nite: FAH-Q_

Comments:  
><strong>Royce King<strong> whatever J. Al owns ur ass now 4 making u do this.  
><strong>Alice Brandon <strong>leave him alone! Alyssa is an awesome person!  
><strong>E. Cullen <strong>awesome person? Run now J. Run as far away as possible. That's a "butterface" comment right there.  
><strong>Alice Brandon <strong>screw you Edward! Ur just jealous he has a date and u don't  
><strong>E. Cullen <strong>don't need a date, I got u babe  
><strong>Jacob Black <strong>cuzu got me, and baby… I got u!  
><strong>Leah Clearwater <strong>someone cannot handle their weed brownie  
><strong>Royce King<strong> ed is cher and al is sonny  
><strong>Seth Clearwater <strong>these are SPIKED BROWNIES?  
><strong>E. Cullen <strong>bring me some later Al  
><strong>Alice Brandon <strong>I got u babe ;)  
><strong>Jacob Black <strong>u guys r friggin hilarious

_Wall Post: to _**Bella Swan**_ from _**Emmett McCarty**  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>People who don't exist don't drive their friends to PA!

Comments:  
><strong>Bella Swan <strong>okay! Okay! I get it!  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>jus keepin it real  
><strong>Bella Swan <strong>word.  
><strong>Emmett McCarty <strong>one.

-x-

It's halftime. We're winning by three touchdowns, and everyone is excited.

But I'm nervous because after the game Rose is going to tell me everything she's been hiding. I would have thought there was nothing left to hide but apparently, there is. I can see that she's nervous about it as well because she keeps looking around the stadium and touching her stomach as if there is a huge telescope focused right on her invisible baby bump, and everyone is taking turns looking through the lens.

I watch the Port Angeles High cheerleaders shimmy and shake their asses on the field during their routine and wonder if that's what I look like. They have no technique in their steps. Everything just looks like it's from a skimpy rap video. I look over at Rose, who wears a similar look of disgust, and laugh. We're easily ten times better than them. I wish we were doing a halftime routine tonight, show everyone how it's _really _done.

Instead we're sidelined because this isn't our field.

"I can't watch this shit anymore," Liam mutters and turns his face away. "Do they even do any stunts?"

"Sure they do!" Kate shouts down the formation line at us. "I mean, their asses alone are a stunt. No way can I drop it like it's _that _hot."

Everyone erupts into giggles, even Rosalie, which instantly eases the tension in my shoulders tenfold. It's cold, and I want my warm-ups on, but Rose forbids anyone to be out of our official uniforms during a game. The painted on "S" for Forks High Spartans on my cheek is starting to itch, and when I touch the paint, it feels like it's about to peel off.

I tap Liam on the shoulder to tell him I'm going to touch up my face and then nod at Rosalie and point to my painted cheek. She nods her head in understanding, and I trot off to my car in the parking lot. I'm not parked too far away, so it doesn't take me that long to fix myself up and head back to the squad. I don't expect to see anyone I know here because the guys should all be in the locker rooms, and hardly anyone travels to watch the football games this early in the season.

So imagine my surprise when I ram right into Mike Newton's chest on my way back to the field. I'm near the back of the stadium where the guys' locker rooms are housed. It's darker back here because the lights don't reach this far. I can hear the guys inside shouting and laughing, but Mike isn't doing either one of those things.

He's just standing there glaring at me.

"The fuck is your problem, Newton?" I mutter cautiously up at him. "You guys are _winning_." I feel the need to remind him of this fact.

He snickers—_resentfully_. "Yeah." He nods. "But with no help from me."

I blink in confusion.

"Oh," he says, acting innocent, "you didn't notice? Jasper's benched me for the next two games. And why do you think _that _is, Bella?"

I gulp and take a few steps backward when he starts to slowly approach me. I shake my head. "How should I know?"

"Well…" He snorts and continues his slow prowl towards me. "_Someone_ opened their big fat mouth and told Jasper I was harassing _someone_…"

My eyes widen.

"Yeah." He nods when understanding lights up my eyes. "I'm pretty sure you know who that _someone _is, don't you?"

My back is almost up against the chain link fence a few feet away from the back of the bleachers. If I call out, no one will hear me over the crowd or the loud halftime music. But what the hell could Newton do to me? He's a fucking wimp, and he knows better.

"I haven't even spoken to Jasper in two weeks, so back off, okay? I need to get back out there." I push past him to move along, and he chases after me to block my exit. "Fuck off, Mike," I say with thick sarcasm.

"You have a big mouth, Bella." He glares and grabs my upper arms tightly. "Bet I can make better use of it than you can."

I scowl and attempt to shrug him off of me. "Quit it, loser!" I shout as loud as I can. "Let go of me!"

"Why? So you can go tell Jasper more lies about me?" He snorts. "Might as well make one of them true, right?" He starts to drag me out of the small amount of light that shines from the stadium. "You owe me," he mutters more to himself than to me.

"I don't owe you shit!" I dig my heels into the ground and fight to keep him from making the biggest decision of his life. My dad did not raise a victim; I know all the right spots to hit this fucker so that he will never be brave enough to do this again. To me, or anyone.

"Shut up!" He roars into my face and shoves me so that I stumble backwards against one of the metal beams beneath the bleachers. Then he buries his face in my neck and starts slobbering all over me like a drooling Saint Bernard.

Immediately, I tighten my muscles and prepare myself to lift my knee high enough to ram him right in his junk. I can't believe I've allowed it to get this far to begin with. He fights to keep my hands subdued so that I can't struggle against him, and then he presses his hips into mine. Now it's harder to lift my knee. _Fuck!_ Why did I hesitate?

"Get off—me!" I shove as hard as I can, and it only moves him back an inch, but that's all I need. I ram my knee straight up and connect with the sensitive spot between his legs. He falls to his knees like a sack of potatoes, and I jump over him to escape.

But, oh, he's a determined fucker. One of his hands grabs my bad ankle, and I topple over like a house of cards. I yelp in pain when my elbows hit the dirt ground, and I get the wind knocked out of me. With my free leg, I manage to kick my foot out so that he releases my ankle, and then I crawl back on my hands to get away from him.

"You bitch!" he snarls and pushes up to his knees. "You are such a tease, and I'm so sick of you flaunting your little cheerleader ass in front of me all the time!"

"Dream on, asshole! I wouldn't flaunt myself in front of you if you were the last dick on earth, and we had to procreate to save the fucking planet!" I scream, and I kick out my good foot one more time to hit him right in the center of his chest. Then I jump to my feet and run as fast as I can.

"Bella!" I hear Jasper shout, and I spin around to see him running towards me, but he stops when he sees Mike and bends over to yank him up by his collar. "What the fuck, asshole?" He rears a fist back to strike him, and that's when I hit a brick wall.

No. Not a wall—_Cullen._

I cry out in surprise, and when I look up and see his face, I slump into his arms in relief and then bury my face in his chest. My lungs are gasping for breath, and my adrenaline is pumping in high doses throughout my body. My hands clench around the thin material of Cullen's shirt beneath his jacket, and I exhale loudly and shakily. I'm literally trembling all over.

"You alright?" he asks in a very, _very _calm voice. I feel his hands gently grasp my face and tip my chin up so that he can look me over for scratches or bruises.

There are many of them, I'm sure.

I nod my head, still unable to catch my breath. "I'm alright." I cough and close my eyes while he pushes all the hair from out my eyes.

"Good," he says and then releases me and backs away.

"Wait," I reach out for him and grab his sleeve. "Where are you…?"

His eyes are trained on Mike and Jasper.

"Edward, no." I pull on his jacket. "Don't. I…" _Shit, Bella, this is about to be a disaster._ "I don't want to be alone." I fake weakness and make my voice tremble as if I'm about to cry, anything to keep him from going over there. "Don't leave me," I beg him.

My words cause confusion to show on his face, and he looks down at me skeptically. I feel as if he knows I'm only pretending to be scared. I grab the lapels on his leather jacket and pull him toward me so that our faces are only inches away from each other.

"I need you." I stare into his eyes.

I can feel his body tense up at my words. I wish I could express to him how serious I actually am. I do need him, more than he'll ever know.

"I broke up with Jasper," I blurt out of nowhere.

His eyes travel over Jasper and Mike, their fight currently being broken up by the rest of the team, and then he glances down at me. "Doesn't change anything," he mumbles and then uncurls my fingers from his jacket so that he can walk away.

But that's not true… because it changes _everything_.

-x-

_What am I gonna do_  
><em>What am I gonna say when all my turns are through<em>  
><em><strong>Forever in the wrong<strong>_  
><em><strong>But I always went along<strong>_  
><em>I prayed about it<em>  
><em>I thought about it<em>  
><em>Thought about it<em>  
><em><strong>Thought and now my nerve has come undone<strong>_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _**Invasion **_**by**_** Birds of Avalon**_. If you don't go and download this song now… I just might cry. It's _that _awesome.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter—and now I'm on FaceBook (Typokween Writes) too! Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P Oh, and I was told there is a Twilighted thread for TSB now? So cool!

**Winner **of last week's challenge with a guess of 12,000: **Domysticated**! Go read her story, "Unscripted." I will be making her a story banner in the very near future.

**The actual answer is**: 13,033—at this time. My bad for forgetting to say that I have a 120GB iPod Classic.

**This Week's Random Request: **recommend me one song that you feel reminds you of this story or someone in this story. Or a song that you just think is awesome in general.

**See you next Friday!**


	13. An Unfortunate Slight

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

**Thank yous:** _**Jess**_; thanks for being there when I ask for your opinion on the same thing 100 times before I finally shut up. _**Ysar**_: thank you for all you do to clean up my messes. _**Michelle:**_Wow you are truly dedicated to have whipped through my monstrosity of chapters in under a week's time! Thank you so much for everything you do! _**Everyone: **_Thank to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. It's astounding how awesome you all are.

**The Lemonade Stand:** Owns me.

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you snap back into reality.

**Ch. 13:** _An Unfortunate Slight_

"I could fucking _kill _that asshole!" Rosalie shouts from inside my car for like the billionth time in a row since we left Port Angeles.

"I'm pretty sure Jasper and Emmett took care of that already," I sigh and run my fingers through my hair as I rest my elbow against the window beside me.

She turns her entire body to face mine. "How are you not super upset right now?"

"Nothing happened." I shrug and keep my gaze forward.

She snorts, "Nothing happened?" She pulls at my skirt, and I smack her hand away. "Your uniform is ruined, and your knees and elbows are bruised and bloody. How can you say that nothing happened?"

"It could have been worse, okay?" I grimace. "Can we just drop this please? I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Rose huffs and folds her arms across her chest as she slumps back down into her seat. I turn the radio on, and she pulls her cell phone out to start texting people. My guess is Emmett because she wants to know every bloody detail of what went down between them and Mike. When her phone beeps with a response to her text, she scowls at me.

"Cullen was there?" Her accusing tone sets me on edge because I definitely do _not _want to talk about Edward.

I nod my head.

"And?" she snaps. "I thought you said you two were done?"

I roll my eyes and take a deep breath to keep from snapping back at her. "I didn't know he was going to be there; he was probably slinging."

Suddenly she's in a panic. "Was Royce there?"

I glance over at her. "I don't know."

"_Shit_," she mutters and stares at the ceiling in the car, "I bet he was checking up on me."

"What exactly is the deal with him anyways?" I ask and turn the volume down on the car stereo. We have a little under a hour left of the drove back to Forks. Now is the perfect time for us to talk.

"I think he's just jealous of Emmett," she explains.

"Does Emmett know?" I look at her in surprise.

She shakes her head. "No. I told him I needed a ride because his jeep had bigger storage space. Plus, I offered to buy him dinner, and he was all in. Plus, I think he's noticed how I've been lately and felt sorry for me because you and I were in a fight." She shrugs.

I nod my agreement, and she continues.

"Anyways, when Royce saw us, he flipped out. He almost blew everything when he started shouting. I was terrified he would mention the baby in front of Emmett. Thank God for Cullen," she sighs and looks down at her hands. "He got Royce to calm down long enough for me to tell Emmett I would meet him in the restaurant. It took some serious begging, but he finally left us alone to talk."

I wait patiently for her to keep going, my stomach is in knots the whole time.

"Royce wanted Edward to leave, but he wouldn't budge. I think he knew I needed him there in case Royce lost it again. He seems to be the only person able to keep Royce in check…" She sighs in exasperation. "Anyways, that's when Royce started accusing me of being a whore and lying about the father. He wants a paternity test, and if the baby is his—which it _is_," she adds angrily, "he wants an active role in the process."

I gasp in horror. "You mean…?"

She nods. "The pregnancy, the baby… _everything_. He wants to go to the checkups and be there when I tell my parents. But the way he was explaining it just sounded like he wanted everyone to know that me and this baby were his _property_. Not a single thing he said sounded sincere in any way possible."

I reach over and squeeze her hand. "He's a dick," I reply with a snort. "No way does he get to be a part of _any _of this until _you_ are ready, got it?"

She nods with closed eyes and trembling lips. "Yeah," she whimpers and squeezes my hand between both of hers. "I just feel so stupid around him, you know? He knows just what to say to make me feel like I'm the bad person in every situation. If Cullen hadn't been there, I don't know what I would have agreed to…"

I want so bad to comment on the numerous times she's mentioned Edward. What exactly was she trying to say? Was he a good guy? Was she changing her mind?

"Well, I'm glad he was there for you when I wasn't," I mumble. I don't mean for it to sound insensitive, but the moment its out in the open that's the first thing that comes to mind.

She hiccups and shakes her head before she looks up at me sullenly. "I said I was sorry, Bella. I don't know what more I can do about it, okay? I was wrong to take my frustrations out on you, and I know I should have just talked to you before I blew up. I _know _that, okay?"

"Rose," I grimace and pull my hand back to run it through my hair, "I totally get it, okay? I'm sorry, too. I should have known you had things going on, and instead I was stuck in la la Cullen land. But don't worry, it's ov—"

"If I was a better friend, I would have been considerate of whatever was going on between you two. Come on, Bella," she utters softly, "you two aren't over by a long shot. I can see it on your face every time you hear his name. I'm sorry I was a bitch about him; I guess I'm just a little jealous that Royce wasn't more like him."

I almost let go of the wheel; I'm so freaking shocked by what she's just said. "More like _Edward?_" I choke on a laugh. "Edward Cullen? That's who you're referring to, right?"

"He's not that bad," she mumbles and stares down at her hands. "I kinda talked to him the other day about… things." She looks up at me. "He really likes you, Bella."

I have to pull over when she says this. We're ten minutes away from home, but I can't go another inch. I roll into a ditch, park, and hit the hazard lights before I turn in my seat to face her after hitting the overhead button to light up the car.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now, Rosalie?" I abruptly explode inside the car. "First you act like he's the devil, and now you're switching sides?"

"What kind of guy lies to his _best friend_ for someone? Huh? 'Cause I can guarantee you won't see Emmett or Jasper doing that—_ever_. Cullen dropped everything to pick you up and bring you to _me_. He didn't do it for me; he did it for _you,_ Bella." Her eyes bore into mine intensely.

"And Jasper?" I challenge her logic.

She sighs, "Good guy—_great _guy," she corrects, "but not for you."

I snort. Wow, thanks, Rose.

"Not like that. What I mean is that… you don't want him like you want Cullen. I knew from the start that you weren't all that into Jasper. But I knew how much you _used _to like him, so I was confused. All I wanted was for you to be with someone who made you happy, Bell." In an affectionate and motherly gesture, her hand reaches out to curl a lock of hair behind my ear.

With my left hand I reach over and grab her hand from my ear so that I can squeeze it. "Rose, I'm trying _really _hard not to like Cullen…" I look at her. "You're not making that easy right now."

"Would it make you feel better if I said I still have phantom feelings for Royce?" Her fingers tighten within my grasp. "And that I wish more than anything that Royce was Emmett?"

I gasp.

"I know," she quickly adds. "I know it's horrible to wish something like this on someone as great as Emmett. But…" She pulls away from me to bury her face in her hands. "But I just feel like Emmett would do right by me and the baby, and he's so… so…"

"You like him," I gulp in realization. "For how long, Rose? He's been crazy about you since forever, and you blew him off every time he even tried to ask you out."

She sniffles and shrugs her shoulders. "I want out of Forks, Bella."

I wait for her to continue.

"Emmett has no intention of ever leaving Forks behind. He'll go to college in Seattle, so he can drive home on the weekends, graduate, and come right back here to work with his dad, transporting goods in Port Angeles. He's a family man, Bell." She shakes her head slowly side to side. "He'll want to stay here and raise a family. I guess I would, too, if my family was like his."

I nod my head in agreement. Out of everyone, Emmett has the picture perfect life. He's not rich, but he's not poor. He's popular, but he's not a snob. His parents support him and his two younger siblings in anything and everything they do. I see the McCarty's at every football game, and they're very active in their children's lives.

"You're not even giving him a chance," I scoff. "Emmett is awesome, Rose. He holds a torch for you, and it's one that will never burn out."

"Well it's too late now anyways!" Rose shouts inside the car. "I'm _pregnant, _ if I did want to start something, he'd never want to be with a girl who got knocked up by another guy."

She's right, and we both know it. It hurts not being able to tell her that it's not true, that Emmett would still want her no matter what. But the fact remains the same; Rose is damaged goods in the eyes of young teenage boys getting ready to start the rest of their lives.

I hate Royce King for being such an asshole to Rosalie in a time like this.

"Please don't cry, Rose," I whisper and rub a hand up and down her back to comfort her. "Let's just go home and go from there."

She nods, and I start the car back up and head home.

-x-

It's late, and I can't sleep. Rosalie breathes slowly and evenly beside me, and I don't want to wake her because she's finally just gone to bed. I hate when she cries, and I feel like that's all she's been doing lately. I wish on everything that I could take at least half of the grief she feels so that life could be that much easier for her.

The door downstairs opens, and my eyes flash to the clock on my nightstand. It's midnight, and Dad's just gotten home. I slip out of bed and tiptoe out my bedroom to trot downstairs and join my dad in the kitchen, where I know I'll find him elbow deep in whatever fried fast food he's picked up on his way home. Tonight he's gone to McDonalds, and when I join him at the kitchen table, I steal a few fries and dip them in the ketchup pile he's carefully constructed on a nearby napkin.

"Hey, Dad," I mumble as I chew.

"What are you still doing up?" he asks gingerly, right before he takes a huge bite from his hamburger.

I sigh and grab more fries. "Couldn't sleep. Rose is staying the night by the way."

He nods as he chews, and I slowly guide a fry through the ketchup and draw little patterns on the napkin. It's quiet between us, but it's not awkward. We've both obviously got things on our minds that we're shifting through at this precise moment and time.

"Had to lock that Cullen kid up tonight," Dad grumbles irritably and snatches the fry I've been playing with out of my hands to eat it.

I'm nearly speechless. "F-for what?" I stutter.

Dad eyes me skeptically and sets the remainder of his hamburger down to watch me. "The Newtons called up the station over an hour ago. Said Cullen went down there hollering for Mike, and when he wouldn't come out, Cullen went ape shit on the boys Mustang."

My eyes widen. "Are you serious?"

He nods. "Took three officers to haul him in; the boy was livid. Breathalyzer cleared him of any alcohol in his system, kid swears he wasn't on any drugs…" Dad shrugs and takes another bite from his burger.

"So you… arrested him?" My voice sounds suspect even to me.

"The Newtons are pressing charges for vandalism and assault," Dad answers through a mouthful and pauses to swallow when I wrinkle my nose in disgust. "Guess there was a fight between the two earlier at the football game. The Newton kid said he was going to let it go until Cullen came back to take revenge out on his car."

"That is such a lie!" I jump out of my chair and shout. "Dad!" I slap a hand down onto the table and regard my shocked and wide eyed father angrily. "You have to let Edward go."

He blinks up at me curiously, and then his eyes search my face and the rest of me before he goes back to staring at my eyes. "Now why would I do that?"

"Because…" I pause and bite my lip. Do I really want to tell my dad what Mike did tonight? He would ask questions, want to know _why _Mike thought it would be okay to proposition me the way he did. What if dad thought I was a slut after this? I gulp the bile down my throat and sit down at the table quietly.

"What aren't you telling me, Bells?" He balls his garbage up into a ball and shoves it all in the bag to push it to the side before he grabs one of my hands. "Please say something, sweetheart. You're startin' to scare me."

I blink my watery eyes a few times and debate inside my head if telling Dad is the smart thing to do. I feel my body tremble as I recall the events that transpired earlier. _Shit_. I can't tell my father what happened; he'll think I'm a whore, and I can't have him look at me like that. I won't.

I stare down at the table and try to come up with a simple way out of this. I'm tired; I'll just say I'm ready for bed now. I'll yawn and stretch and make my eyes droop and… and…

"Tell him, Bella," Rose startles me from behind.

"Tell him what?" I mutter and turn around to scowl at her. "I have nothing to tell him. Perhaps _you _might want to share some news with him." I make it a point for her to see my eyes dart down to her stomach.

Her jaw tightens. "Charlie…" She looks over at my father, and I fly into a blind panic. "Earlier tonight, Bella was atta—"

"Rosalie's pregnant!" I shriek.

I immediately regret it after shouting it.

Dad turns to Rose. "Is this true, Rose?"

She gulps and nods her head with tears in her eyes. My dad sighs deeply and closes his eyes to rest his forehead against his hand as he sets his elbow on the table. He gives that same disappointed father look at her that I imagine he'd give me if our roles were reversed.

"Do your parents know?" he rumbles out as he drops his hand from his forehead.

Rose shakes her head and stares at her hands, which she wrings in front of her. She looks like a scolded child who is waiting for her punishment. I've always known Rose to have a particular soft spot for my dad and vice versa, but in this moment… I see just how deep those feelings go.

"I'm sorry," she replies shakily. "I understand if you don't think it's a good idea for me and Bella to be friends anymore. I know my situation isn't um…" she clears her throat, "you know, doesn't set the best of examples."

I watch my dad kick out the chair between us and motion for Rose to sit. "I can't tell you how many times I've had to sit down with a couple of scared parents, whose kids have run away because of a situation just like this." He rubs a tired hand over his face. "You know you're gonna have to tell your parents, right?"

She nods.

He nods, too, and then sets a hand, palm side up, in front of her. "I would never separate the two of you," he says and looks over at me just as Rosalie slides a shaky hand onto his. "I think it goes without saying that I see you in almost the same light as I do my own daughter…"

I feel my chest tighten as I watch Rose's face crumble with guilt, shame, and longing. She knows this, and she hates that she's disappointed him. I know as much as she does that she'd switch lives to be able to have a parent who cares half as much as Charlie does. I suddenly feel really, really grateful for my dad—even my mom. She's not always around, but at least if I really did need her, she'd be there.

I feel a surge of emotions overcome me and slap my hand over the two of theirs. Corny as Kansas on the Fourth of July. I couldn't really give a fuck how anyone would look at this moment, because it's ours, and no one has to understand it.

"There's a lot I wanna say, but it ain't my place to say it," he sighs, and I feel his hand tighten around hers beneath my fingers.

"It's okay," she pipes up. "I want you to…"

He looks pained and shakes his head. "Just know we're here if…" Dad's never been good at the whole comfort thing.

So I clutch both of their hands between mine and finish for him. "We're here for you no matter what." I stare into her eyes as I say this. "Also," I feel it importnant to add, "I'm sorry I blurted it out like that. That was really bitchy of me, and I'm sorry."

She nods, and Dad lets go of her hand so that I can wrap my arms around her shoulders. She whispers in my ear that she loves me and then reminds me what I have to do. I groan and lean my forehead against her shoulder.

"Do it, Bella," she sighs and accepts the tissue Dad holds out for her.

"Do what?" Dad regards me wearily. "Are you pregnant, too?" His face goes ghost white.

I snort over at him, "No."

"Does this have to do with that Cullen kid?" He looks equally as disturbed as before, but I know he'd choose this over the former guess any day of the week.

I nod my head.

He huffs and rolls his hand for me to let him have it.

I take a deep breath. "Something happened earlier tonight at the game." I pause to gulp the saliva that's gathered in my mouth. Dad looks worried, and I don't want to do this anymore. "Mike…he, uh…" I have to look down at the table because looking at my dad is too hard. "He tried to… I mean, he wanted me to…" I close my eyes and clench my fists onto the table. "B-but I didn't!" I shake my head vehemently. "I remembered all those defense moves you showed me. So I mean, nothing really happened, so you don't have to worry…" _God _this is hard.

"Show him," Rose coaches me.

I tremble as I shakily stand on my feet to lift my sleeves and show my dad the bruises and scratches I obtained while trying to fight Mike off. I pull up my pants legs as well, and when Dad sees how bad my knees are, he sucks in a huge gasp and stands up so quickly that his chair falls backwards onto the floor.

"And what does Cullen have to do with this?" he whispers.

I gulp and shake my head. "Nothing really. He just…uh," I clear my throat. "He helped me calm down while the guys on the team… handled Mike." I cringe at the memory.

Rose speaks when I can't any longer. "Cullen must have wanted revenge or something. He never got to touch Mike, so my guess is he took it out on Mike's car instead."

"Bella," Dad's reply is deeply solemn, "is this true?"

I nod without looking up from the table. "I'm sorry," I mumble. "I'm…sor…"

I bite my lip and breathe through my nose. I pray he doesn't ask me why Mike did what he did. I don't want to have to tell him about Cullen and Jasper, and how apparently I come across as an easy lay. Which is ridiculous because I've never actually done… _it_.

I flinch when Dad rights his chair firmly and shoves it under the table. He quickly clasps his uniform belt back on and buttons everything up as if he's going to work. I'm confused because I would have thought he'd be mad or upset in some way, but all he looks is determined.

"Get up," he growls at me. "Put some shoes on. Don't change anything you have on. Did you shower when you got home?"

I nod my head slowly, but he's not looking at me. I clear my throat. "Umm, y-yeah. I did."

He mutters something under his breath and then asks, "Who all was there? Did anybody see what happened? Do you know the names of people who can testify to what they saw?"

I feel my ears start to ring, and I feel light headed, "Why?" I utter in a high pitched and panicked tone.

"Why do you think?" he snaps and grabs his keys from the counter. "Come on; let's go." He ushers both Rosalie and me to the front room.

I dig my heels and yank free. "No," I whimper and shake my head. "Just forget it; it's over. Nothing happened."

"Bella," Dad grits his teeth and rubs his forehead in irritation.

"Dad, _please_," I beg him, even going as far as to grab onto his coat sleeve. "Please don't make this into a big thing. I wasn't going to say anything in the first place, but I just thought you should know why Edward must have done this. He didn't lay a finger on Mike, okay? That's a lie."

"But s_omeone_ laid a hand on _my _daughter." The fire in my father's eyes causes me to take a step back. "I am not in a position to do to that boy what I want to do, so we will handle this the only way I am allowed. Which is to put that boy behind bars and slap a _sexual predator_ stamp on his permanent file!"

I shake my head back and forth. "Dad, _please_. Please don't make me do this. I can't handle the backlash I'll get at school."

"Bella." Rosalie walks over to link our arms. "I would never let anything happen. Neither would Emmett or Jasper."

I feel the angry tears well behind my eyes like hot spring lakes. "Yeah," I snort, "Jasper would really care." I roll my eyes at the ridiculousness.

"Bella," she scoffs in disbelief, "Jasper is the one who told everyone to leave you alone after the two of you broke up!"

I grimace at her because I think she's full of shit. "Well, those first two days were hell."

"And then it stopped, did it not?" she reminds me.

"Yeah," I mumble.

"Plus," she says and takes a step forward, "he was the one who saw you first, right? And he wasted no time beating the hell out of Mike."

I stare at the floor. She's making some valid points.

"And I bet if you turned your phone on right now, you'd have missed calls and messages from him," she adds with an almost smug air about her.

I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "What does any of this have to do with going to the station and stirring up trouble?"

"There are several reasons, but all I have to say to get your ass down there is one." Her hands go straight to her hips.

I roll my eyes. "And what is that?"

"_Cullen_."

-x-

I've seen it done on crime shows and movies, and I've read about it in books. But going through it is so much more… _real_. I handed my cheer uniform over for evidence and had so many pictures taken of my body that you would think I was at a Playboy photoshoot. I've been probed and swabbed enough times to make me feel like a disgusting lab experiment.

So now that it's all finally over, all I want to do is go home and crawl in my bed. I suddenly have an ache in my heart for my mother. I want her here, but I don't want her to worry. So I decide to say nothing at all. I get to keep my pajamas because despite everything, it's pretty much an open and shut case against Mike. I just don't want to think about what school will be like on Monday.

The charges against Edward are not dropped; Mike holds firm that Edward must pay for the damages made to his car. On top of that, Edward will have to do community service and attend anger management classes. But he won't have to stay the night in jail or serve any time. I plan to give my dad the biggest hug and kiss on the planet for that.

I'm sitting in the station behind my dad's desk, while Rosalie swings her legs back and forth from her spot on top of it. She keeps watching me for something, but I don't know what it is. I want to ask her, but I know she won't tell me even if I do.

I sigh and place my cheek on her knee to rest my head, because now that the night is finally coming to an end—at four in the morning—I'm exhausted, and my body is starting to feel sore. Every muscle in my body aches as if I've been in a car crash. Dad says it's probably because I was so tense during everything, and on top of that, I had been in a physical altercation. He left the room and hasn't been back since that conversation.

Upon hearing the clank of bars being slid open, I fly up to my feet and rush to the door of my dad's office, looking to see if it's Edward being released. It is, and I don't even realize I'm reacting until I plow into the front of Edward's chest and wrap my arms tightly around his waist.

"Whoa," I feel his voice rumble through his chest and nuzzle my face against the vibration. I want him to put his arms around me, but he doesn't. When I look up at him, he's staring wide eyed at my father, who is watching us with a stern look of curiosity mixed with disapproval.

"Do you have a ride home?" Rosalie has the good sense to ask.

"Yeah," Edward replies with a slight nod. "Roy is picking me up."

I wince and know Rose has probably done the same. She excuses herself and says she'll be in my dad's office when we're ready to go. I know she doesn't want to see Royce, and as much as I know we should leave so that she won't have to, I'm not ready to say goodbye to Edward yet.

Dad mumbles something and joins Rose in his office, and then it's just me, Edward and one of the on call deputies. I go to hug Edward again, but he stops me with a firm grip on my waist. I blink up at him in surprise and stare as he shakes his head with a grimace and gently pushes me away from him.

"Thanks for what you did," he says, "but it still doesn't change anything."

"How can you say that?" I struggle for breath. "Why are you ruining this? Do you need me to spell it out?" I almost laugh at how the tables have turned.

He shakes his head and rubs the back of his neck. "I should go."

"Edward." I reach for him, and when he raises his hands in the air in surrender, I back off.

"I'm gonna wait for Roy outside. Thanks for uh, you know…" He inhales through his nose sharply and then runs his hands through his hair. "Bye."

I watch him slip out the door and lean his back against the side of the building before he grabs his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and lights up. I don't understand what just happened. So I get mad. Really mad. Like, steaming, hot mess mad, and suddenly I have no idea how I got from point A to point B.

Which is right in front of Cullen, outside the station.

"What the hell was that?" I shove him with my hands, and his back hits the wall, but only because I've caught him off guard.

His cigarette slips out from between his lips, and ashes with tiny little sparks trickle down the front of his jacket. "Shit, what the fuck, Bella?" he snaps angrily at me.

My eyes narrow. "You have done nothing but spin me in circles for weeks now, Cullen!" I shout with my arms raised out at my sides as I grow more animated in my frustration.

"Spin _you_ in circles?" he scoffs in amazement. "Are you kidding me?" He pushes off the wall and stalks towards me. "Bella, you have done nothing but fuck with my head since the day I met you!"

"I have not!" I yell back.

Within the second it takes for a breath, he's in front of me. "Yes." Teeth gritted, he stares me down hard. "You have."

My anger surges through my veins like boiling lava. "Well, if I have, then it's only to keep up with you and your stupid games!"

"That's bullshit, and you know it!" he hisses into my face. "You are just like her." He points at the station, indicating Rosalie, who is safely inside. "You are too ashamed to admit that you want outside of that perfect little world you've created."

I blink up at him in astonishment. "W-what?" I stutter to a stop. stalling out like shifting gears on a truck without popping the clutch first.

His stare burns straight through me, into the depths within myself I wish to hide. It makes me fidget and look away. He lifts a hand; I know to turn my face, but it drops down lifelessly after a second. He can't even touch me now? I can still feel his eyes, and I tremble beneath his gaze.

"I'm… trying." My voice breaks, betraying the cool exterior I'm fighting to keep. But it's a losing battle against myself.

"Really?" he mutters as he steps intimately closer to me.

I gasp and take a step back, my back hits the rails that lines the outside of Dad's building. I wince at the intense pressure against my spine as Edward steps even closer and locks me in by placing his hands on either side of me to grab the rail.

His leans in, bringing his face to mine so that our noses almost touch. "Well, try harder," he sneers at me, and I feel like someone's punched me in the stomach.

I almost double over from the shock of his hurtful words. "You are such an asshole," I whisper shakily, my breath touching his lips. "Why do you always say things you know will hurt me?"

He flinches after hearing my confession, as if he's just now realized who it is he's actually talking to. "I can't keep doing this with you," he says as he backs away. "I won't."

I instantly feel the chill of the night air from his loss of body warmth. "Then don't, Edward." I place a hand on his chest while the other clutches his jacket to bring him back over to me. "Why does it even have to be like this?"

He's silent; I'm silent. Neither of us say a word. Our eyes are locked on to each other's, intense emotions flitng throughout my body as we stand intimately close together. Why, after so long, does he deny me now? His eyes search mine for a clarity I want to give him, but the words fail to make their way past my lips. I don't know exactly what it is that he wants from me. But if I did, I'm more than sure that in this moment—I'd give it to him.

"Please," I beg him and push up to my tip toes so as to share his breath with mine, "say something." I use his words against him. "Say anything to me right now, Edward."

His chest heaves. In… out… harsh, hot breath against my mouth. His hands go to my hips and grip them firmly. "Bella…" he whispers softly and presses his forehead to mine, "I…"

"What, Edward?" I slide a hand up to cup the side of his face and angle my own as if to kiss him. I would, but I want him to make the first move. I've set us up; I need for him to follow through. "Please tell me…" I touch my nose to his and nuzzle him softly.

_Kiss me! _I want to scream.

I move in closer, my lips actually touching his so slightly that all he has to do is respond to initiate it. I know he wants to, I can feel it in the wild beat of his heart beneath my palm. His cinnamon breath pants through his open mouth. I push into him and flick my tongue out to tease his bottom lip, I want to devour it.

_KISS. ME. _

"Edward," I whimper, "kis—"

**BEEP! BEEP!**

"Cullen!" Royce shouts as he rolls to a stop just outside the police station.

Edward jerks away from me as if I were fire, and with wide eyes and an open mouth, he backs away. "I…" He shakes his head to grab his bearings once more. "You…" He touches his fingers to his lips. I bite down onto mine. "Bella, I want—"

The front door opens, and my Dad's stern face pulls Edward even further away from me. I turn to follow him and stop with just one look and a slight shake of his head. My face falls instantly.

"Bella," my Dad calls, "come back inside… _now_."

It's not a request.

I take a step backward toward my father, but my eyes watch Edward as he slowly backs away towards Royce's waiting car. "I'm sorry," he mouths to me and shakes his head.

I close my eyes in surrender, and when I open them again to see him staring at me, I mouth back, "Me too."

-x-

_**Like any uncharted territory  
>I must seem greatly intriguing<br>You speak of my love like  
>You have experienced love like mine before<br>But this is not allowed  
>You're uninvited<br>An unfortunate slight**_

_**I don't think you unworthy  
>I need a moment to deliberate<strong>_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Uninvited _by_ Alanis Morissette_. I'm pretty sure this song is TSB's unofficial anthem. If you have a song that makes you think of this story, share it with me.

I know I am total FAIL at replying to reviews. I work full time and go to school so sometimes… shit gets complicated! But I L-O-V-E each and every one of you! Go check out the review that was done for this story! I'll post the link on my profile later on today. ;)

I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, **Typokween Writes** on Facebook. Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P

**Random Question: **_In what context do you believe this week's song matches this story?_

**See you next Friday! **


	14. I'm Waiting For My Wake Up Call

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

Okay, so I can give you a legitimate excuse as to why I failed to post last Friday. But seriously, do you honestly want to hear it? Just know that I'm super sorry and I'm posting ch 14 now to make up for it. Ch 15 will be posted on our regularly scheduled Friday…

**Thank you:** _**Jess**_; love you. _**Ysar**_: so sorry I forgot to send you ch 15, I'm all over the place! _**DarlingSaila**_**: **holy sh!t girl, thank you for stepping in and allowing me to throw stuff at you last minute—no, last SECOND! You seriously saved my ass and I owe you big. _**Michelle:**_How can I count thee ways… _**Everyone: **_Thank to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. I appreciate you even if I fail at telling you that personally.

**The actual amount of thanks you I have to give is no longer able to fit up here!**

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you don't know where you belong.

**Ch. 14:** _I'm Waiting For My Wake Up Call_

When it's time for Rosalie's first ultrasound, she freaks out.

"What if someone sees us in there?" she asks as she paces back and forth in my bedroom. "And then they'll tell my parents and I'll be fucking screwed!"

"You can't hide this forever, Rose," I tell her.

I miss the days when it was just the two of us kicking it on the couch watching MTV. Things were so much simpler back then, but that feels like a lifetime ago now.

With hands placed sternly on her hips, Rose pivots and shoots a dirty look my way. "No shit, Sherlock. But I'd like to have a roof over my head for as long as I can before my parents find out and I'm out on my ass."

"That's not gonna happen," I grimace. The lie I've just told tastes bitter on my tongue. "Stop being so paranoid."

I don't see what the big deal is, it's not like the clinic is going to broadcast her uterus across a large movie screen. But I can't tell her that, because she's in the middle of a tangent, and with the added hormones I've learned when to speak and when to back off. I close my eyes and exhale through my nose as I lay sideways across my bed and watch Rosalie burn a hole into my carpet.

"Someone is going to find out soon, and then someone is going to tell… I just know it," she whispers and smacks her palms against her forehead while continuously mumbling to herself.

I have no response, so I say nothing at all.

-x-

"How can you say that?" I shake my head at him. "Weird Science is a classic!"

"Uh, yeah. A classic screw up," Jake scowls. "That movie is beyond unrealistic."

"And what gave _that _away?" I jeer. "The fact that the main characters cooked up a genie of some sort?" I roll my eyes. "Jake, you're a nut."

"Whatever," he mutters and changes the channel on the TV. "So, how come your shadow's not here with us?" Jake comments as we lounge in my living room eating junk food and watching whatever movies play.

It's the first Friday night since the season started that there hasn't been a game. I almost don't know what to do with myself. So I had decided invite Jake over while dad worked the late shift at the station.

Renewing my friendship with Jake hasn't been easy, but it's moving along. I almost never hesitate to call him when I feel like it now. It's especially easier because we don't talk about Cullen, and I suspect they don't talk about me either. I haven't seen or spoken to Cullen is over a week. I thought I'd seen him on a road cleanup crew once, but that could have been wishful thinking on my part.

"She doesn't feel well," I explain and slide down further on the couch as I recall our last conversation together earlier that day. "So how are things in La Push?" I ask Jake as I try to clear my head.

He snorts, "If you want to know how Edward is, you could just ask."

"W-what? No!" I stutter and scramble upright. "What the hell?"

He chuckles, "Relax, I'm fucking with you."

I kick my foot out at him only to have him grab my ankle and yank me down the couch until I'm almost in his lap. I worry he's going to tickle me when suddenly his smile fades and his eyes are glued to the healing scabs on my knees. He touches one gently and then shakes his head with closed eyes and a deep breath as if to calm himself.

"I still can't believe that shit," he mumbles and presses his hand over my wound to hide it from his sight. "I should have been there. I'm sorry."

I'm a ball of confusion. "Sorry about what? I can handle myself."

He smirks, "You've obviously proved that. I heard your kick to his chest almost broke one of his ribs."

"Whatever," I chuckle softly and shake my head. "You, as well as anyone, should know that I can take a hit almost as good as I can give it."

He sighs, "But you shouldn't have to."

I shrug with a sigh and scoot so that I can rest my head on his shoulder and curl my knees up to my chest. His arm is slung behind me, over the top of the couch, and his fingertips lightly play with my hair. It's comforting, and not at all romantic.

"I remember a time when I was the one kicking kids' asses on the playground. Then I'd feel bad afterward and bandage them up." I snort and shake my head. "Like that time you and I were racing on the swings to see who could go the highest and the fastest?" I look over at him to see if he remembers.

He does. "Yeah, and when it was time to jump, you chickened out and I scraped my knees for nothing. Then you got mad that you lost and pushed me onto the ground."

I giggle. "That was hella funny, but I felt so bad afterward. And you totally would not let me help you, by the way!" I smack him playfully.

"You were the reason I got hurt in the first place!" he laughs.

I laugh, too, and roll my eyes. "Hey, wasn't that the day I totally trampled Seth?"

Jake wrinkles his brow curiously, "Huh?"

"Remember?" I nudge him. "I finally got the courage to jump from the swing, but I landed on top of Seth? I was so embarrassed that I got up and ran away like a pansy? Come on, Jake! You laughed for like two days after that!" I push his shoulder.

He shakes his head at me. "I know you've landed on someone before, but I don't remember you running away that time," he chuckles and pulls out his phone when it beeps.

It was so Seth; I know it was. The kid I landed on had a buzz cut and freckles scattered over his nose. "You act like I did that all the time," I laugh and push him to grab his attention—which does not work. "Anyway, I still feel really bad about that. I mean, I landed on him hard, and he fell flat on his face."

Jake is barely listening to my story as he concentrates on his stupid phone.

But I continue on anyway because I apparently like the sound of my own voice. "He'd looked like he'd just been in a fight, and he was so ornery, that little shit. I kept trying to clean his cuts and he kept pushing me away until you finally brought your ass over to defend me." I reply as I recall the moment from my memory bank.

His eyes never leave his phone screen as he quickly types out a text message. "Still don't know what you're talking about," he mutters uninterestedly, mostly because he's not even listening to me.

I roll my eyes and then lean on my elbow and tilt my head as I stare at him. "Why do you sell drugs?" I ask without thinking about what I'm saying. I blush and expect him to snap at me—like I know Cullen probably would—and squeeze my eyes shut in wait.

He drops his cell phone into his lap and sighs. "I dunno." He picks up a lock of my hair to twirl it around a finger. "Fast and easy way to make some money, I guess," he shrugs.

I snort and roll my eyes, "Uh, how about… _no?_"

"Oh, c'mon, Bella. It's not like I'm slinging hard drugs. It's just a little weed here and there. Maybe a hit of some E every now and again. Nothing beyond that, I swear," he explains and drops my hair to set his hand on my shoulder. "It's not me you should worry about anyway," he adds in a mumble.

I push back so that I can look him in the face. "Meaning?"

He rubs a hand over his face. "Meaning it's Royce and Cullen who dabble in the hardcore shit. Pills, coke, and acid. You have no idea how loaded those fuckers are because of it."

I gulp nervously, "Do they… _sample_ from their supply?"

Jake's brow furrows, "Not as much as you would think, but more than I would hope. It's usually what sets Cullen off on his blackouts, and Royce makes very _bad _decisions while he's fucked up."

"Cullen has blackouts?" is the first thing out of my mouth. Followed shortly by, "Wait, drugs? He does _hard_ drugs?"

Jake takes a moment to stare at me as if I have just uttered the most idiotic words on the planet. Which I suppose I have, given the fact that I just spewed out my surprise over the fact that Cullen does drugs. No shit, Bella. He sells them, why would he not _do _them?

"Sometimes I forget just how different we are now," Jake sighs and reaches over to pat my knee. "You are so sheltered."

I bristle at his condescending tone and back away to the other side of the couch with a scowl. "I am not," I snap. "You have no idea the things I've done."

"And you have no idea of the things _I've _done," he counters back spitefully. "You don't even have a _clue_ what kind of shit goes on outside Forks, Bella. Not a damn clue."

"Then tell me," I snipe at him, "since you're so 'worldly' and whatnot." I use air quotes as I mock him, and get a little kick out of the way his cheeks color afterward.

Jake leans back further in the couch, into a relaxed state, legs spread in that kick back way guys always sit in. I hate when guys my age do that, or any male for that matter. Whenever I see guys sitting like that—with their legs widely spread like wings of an eagle—I always picture their junk, even if I don't want to. All I see is—if I may borrow a term from Juno—_pork swords._

I close my eyes and shake my head to clear my thoughts as Jake ignores my stare-a-thon and flips channels absently. I guess this means he will not be teaching me the ways of the world today. I roll my eyes and cuddle into the couch on my side. I don't like his sudden bout of silence, so I kick his thigh with the heel of my foot and then dig my toes underneath his ass.

He jumps at the surprise contact of my wiggly toes against his boxers—this is what happens when you sit on my couch and sag your jeans, by the way! I giggle and poke him again with my big toe until he finally starts to laugh and grabs my legs to stop my assault. Before I can react, he yanks me back over to his side of the couch and smashes the top of my head with his hand to mess up my hair until I start to scream at him. I smack his leg, his chest, and then go for the kill—I pinch and twist my thumb and forefinger over his left nipple.

"_Fuck!_" he shouts and jumps up from the couch to rub his titty while giving me the stink eye. "That's not fair!" he points at me with his free hand.

I cup my boobs with my hands and gasp up at him, "Whatever do you mean?"

"Bella!" his eyes widen in complete shock. "Since when are you so vulgar?"

I fall backward on the couch and laugh until my stomach muscles hurt. I miss having someone to play with like this. I don't think I've laughed like this in… forever. When I calm down, I hold a hand out for Jake to pull me up. My hair is a mess, but I don't care. I'm makeup-free, I'm brush-free, and if I could… I'd totally be bra-free.

"I'm hungry." He rubs his hand over his stomach, every so often on his way up, his shirt rides up a bit and reveals something that shocks the hell out of me.

"You got a tattoo?" I gasp, and without asking, yank his shirt up to expose his ripped ab muscles. "And when the hell did _this _happen?" I literally run my fingers over his stomach like I would piano keys. "Goddamn, Jake. I wanna bake cookies on these bad boys!" I can't stop caressing them, "If I didn't know you any better, I'd wanna sexually assault you!"

"Really?" Jake laughs and flexes them tighter.

I groan, "Stop! My lady parts are liking this way too much for comfort!" I slap him hard across his naked chest and he drops his shirt with a grunt.

"Ha! You're blushing! How adorable," he teases me and then grabs me into a headlock. "And if I didn't know that you used to wet the bed, I'd probably _let _you assault me sexually."

We both giggle at that, and then I'm upright and fixing my hair again. "Let's go out to eat," I say as I pull my hair back from my face, "but not here."

His brow rises.

"Take me to La Push." The words are out before I can think.

He blinks at me in surprise. "Really?" He actually looks kind of excited. "Like," he clears his throat, "like anywhere I want?"

I nod. "Sure."

"Can I invite—"

"_Nooo_." I shake my head back and forth. "No Cullen, and especially no Royce."

He smirks, "I was gonna say Seth."

My eyes widen. "Seth! Yes, I miss him! How old is he now? Like twelve or thirteen?"

Jake snorts, "More like fifteen."

"No way," I gasp.

He snickers, "Way."

-x-

Turns out, Seth's older sister, Leah, is a huge bitch. I don't remember her, but I do remember their cousin, Emily. She's much different now than she was seven years ago when I last saw her. Leah has invited herself to our dinner party at a place called Taco Loco, which Seth says is '_the bomb_.'

Along with Leah is Emily, and I don't understand why she's with us because she's been glued to her cell phone the entire time. I don't know who she's texting, and I don't care. I just want it to stop. If I hear her phone chirp one more time, I may have to throw it out the window.

"So, Bella," Seth leans forward from his spot in the back and hugs the top of my seat, "is it true that you got Cullen pussy whipped?"

My mouth drops open in shock, "Excuse me?" I twist around and slap his arms off of my seat. "Where did you hear that?"

His eyes dart to his sister and cousin before they come back to me. "Around…"

I spin to sit down in my seat regularly with a loud huff. "Well, whoever said that must be a jealous whore who tried to get in his pants and got rejected."

A choking sound comes from behind me, followed shortly by struggling and a grunt that sounds like it came from Seth. I glare at Jacob from the corner of my eye while he drives in silence with a small smirk on his lips. I don't see how any of this is funny.

"Oh, yeah, Jake," Leah speaks up after a few minutes of listening to the radio, "Alice told me to let you know the Halloween party is still on."

Jacob averts his gaze from me to the rearview mirror and grunts, "Thanks for the update, Leah, but I already knew that."

"Well, I was just making sure." Her voice is grating on my nerves, "you know, 'cause of that stuff that happened between…" she lets the sentence drop off.

I'm assuming Jake is able to fill in the blanks because he sighs and guns the car past a yellow light, barely making it before the red. "Just shut up, Leah," he scowls at her in the mirror, "I know what you're trying to do."

I do, too. She wants to make me jealous, which leads me to believe she is good friends with Alice Brandon, bane of my existence. I don't want to encourage Leah to think I give a shit, so I say nothing and scroll through my contacts on my phone. My thumb hovers over Edward's name…

"I'm not doing anything," Leah snorts. "I'm just relaying a message. Whoever's around when I give it isn't my problem."

I have the distinct feeling she's eyeballing the back of my head. I want to snap at her, but I don't. I have to bite my tongue and calm my tits. I don't want to give her what she wants, which is to obviously start a fight with me. I wonder if she's into Cullen.

She can have him. A twinge in my stomach calls me a liar right then. I sigh and look out my window to distract myself.

Taco Loco is a little hole in the wall between a Walmart and a gas station. It looks like a tiny shack compared to the two industrial sized businesses that surround the place. You have to walk up to the window on the right and place your order and you pick up your food when they call your number from the window on the left. Scattered around in front of the taco stand are a few tables and chairs. Only two of the tables have umbrellas that block out the sun or rain. We choose one of those and assemble ourselves around it after we order.

"So, it's true, then," Seth pipes up and then takes a huge gulp of his Mountain Dew. He's gotten so tall he almost surpasses Jake in height, but his build is still on the lanky side where as Jake has… filled out.

"What's true?" I eye him wearily and take a sip from my Dr. Pepper.

Seth has light-colored eyes that crinkle at the sides when he smiles, which he does now. "You know," he grins wider, "about you and Cullen."

"Knock it off, Seth," Jake growls from beside me. "It's not funny anymore."

It wasn't funny before.

"What?" Seth fakes innocence.

Leah snickers into her straw and Emily types away on the keyboard of her cell phone. I roll my eyes and clench my jaw as I strain to control my temper. What the hell is her problem?

I try to change the subject. "So, Seth," I lean toward him across the table, "remember that time I jumped from the swing and landed on you?"

Seth's brow wrinkles, "Huh?"

I roll my eyes and Jake shakes his head with a small laugh. "You remember!" I smack my hand onto the wooden tabletop.

He has to be wrong, I _know_ it was Seth, damn it.

"I can prove it." I push up to reach across the table and slide my thumb over Seth's right brow. "Ah ha!" I yell in triumph and press into the little knot of a scar at the end of his brow. "This is where a wood chip lodged itself and I had to take you back to Jake's house and pry that sucker out. I landed right on top of you and you went face-first into the wood chips."

"Nuh uh," his large brown eyes widen as he moves his head left to right. "I would have remembered if you landed on top of me, Bella. _Trust me_, I would remember." Jake and Seth laugh at the innuendo and I roll my eyes again and hold back a laugh of my own.

"Well… then who was it, then?" I wonder out loud.

Then Leah opens her big fat mouth, "Well, from what I've heard about you? It doesn't surprise me that you don't remember who you were '_on top'_ of…" Her smirk is ominous.

I want to punch her face in. "What the hell, Leah? Do you have a problem with me? I've known you for, like, five minutes!"

"All right, all right, that's enough," Jake's gruff tone makes everyone calm down—except for me, of course.

I still want to smack that smile off her face.

"Leah," he turns to her, "quit being a bitch. Seth," he looks at him, "stop being a shit. And Emily!" he shouts and makes the girl in question jump, "why the hell did you want to come if you were going to be on that damn thing the whole time?"

She huffs and pockets her phone. "Whatever," she mumbles beneath her breath.

"_Order 252!_" a shout from behind us breaks the tension and Seth jumps up to retrieve his order. Leah goes with him since they ordered together, and Emily grabs her still empty soda cup to go fill it up.

"Leah likes him, doesn't she?" I mutter to Jake and stare up at him through the hair that's fallen into my eyes. "Cullen," I clarify.

He shrugs, "I don't know. She's pretty tight with Alice, and Alice isn't your biggest fan."

I roll my eyes, "I really hate that chick."

"The feeling is mutual, I can assure you," he mumbles absently. I follow his gaze to see a beat-up red Honda pull into the lot. "_Shit_," he curses, "I should have known…"

"Tell me that's not her," I growl, but sure enough, out pops Alice—or who I _assume_ is Alice since I've never actually met her—from the driver's seat of the piece of shit Honda. "_Fuck_," I curse. My luck could not be shittier.

She's shorter than I expected, maybe three or four inches past five feet. Her hair is shoulder length and dark brown, and looks like silk as it's held back from her face in a loose ponytail. Wisps of outgrown bangs are side-swept across her forehead and down into her eyes. From here I can already tell she's beautiful, and upon closer inspection, I know she's prettier than me.

"I'll grab our order and we'll leave. Just stay away from her and she'll stay away from you," he warns. It's bullshit and we both know it.

She makes a beeline right for us, and I sit up straighter and prepare myself for whatever is about to happen.

"Well, well," her words flow past pouty red lips. Her cheekbones are high, and the bitch has dimples when she smiles—even when the smile is fake, like it is now.

She eyes my dark blue skinny jeans, oversized Jacksonville Suns jersey and scuffed, black low-top Converse. In return, I start from her black ballet flats and work my way up past her dark wash skinny jeans and form-fitting, black and red plaid, long-sleeved button-up. She has the cuffs rolled up to her elbows, and in her own little way, she makes the seemingly ordinary getup look 50s retro. I want to throw a 'Pink Ladies' jacket on her and call her Rizzo.

You know, the slutty one from Grease?

"Alice, just don't," Jake mutters. He glares over at Leah and I turn my gaze to see her grinning triumphantly and wiggling her fingers at us.

"Oh, stop it," Alice snorts at him. "What the hell do you think I'm going to do to her, huh?" she wrinkles her nose down at me with a shrug. "She's out of the picture now, anyway…"

I'm almost at my breaking point. "Jake," I utter with a shaky voice through clenched teeth, "get her the fuck away from me."

"Or what?" she laughs and sets a hand onto the table to lean down, so that she's nearly in my face. "You do know I'm the reason Edward won't fuck you again, right?" she snorts. "And when Jasper's having a weak moment? He calls me and I remind him of all the reasons you're not worth his time."

"That's enough, Alice," Jake snaps and whips her upright and out of my sight. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he grunts in disbelief. "Do you have any idea how stupid you are coming here? If I was Bella I would have clocked you by now, but she's better than that."

"No," I stand up and shake my head, "I'm not."

His face pales, "Bella, don't. We'll leave. It's my fault for inviting Leah—"

I interrupt him with a sharp and bitter laugh, "You're kidding me, right?" I laugh again. "Just like she is?" I jab a thumb in the direction where Alice stands. "You're both just fucking with me?" I laugh, but it's painfully obvious that I find no humor in this situation.

Alice narrows her gaze. "I'd appreciate it if you stayed the hell away from Edward," she snaps. "I can't tell Jasper what to do, I can only encourage him to do the right thing, but when it comes to Edward," her feet carry her a few steps closer, "I will do whatever it takes to keep you as far away from him as possible."

I'm not usually a violent person, but she makes me want to be. I want to slap her, kick her and pull her hair, all at the same time. I want to be tough and bold and completely unstoppable, but for all the things I'm not… I'm not _stupid_. I'm outnumbered if you count Leah and Emily—which I do. I also know I have no shot in hell of ever being with Edward if I fight with Alice.

"Okay, we're done here," Jake says right before I'm taken by the arm and dragged to his car. "Alice, when I get back, you, me and Cullen are going to have a long talk."

She snorts, "Whatever, Jake. Like Cullen's going to listen to you over me."

"We'll see," Jake replies softly to himself, and he and I are the only two who hear it.

Seth comes running at us with two bags of food and I open my door and push the seat up for him. He grins and winks before jumping inside and I slap the seat back and flop fown angrily. Jake tells me to wait and walks over to Leah and Emily, who are flanking Alice's sides.

"I'm sorry I teased you, Bella," Seth replies from the backseat with half a taco shoved into his mouth. "Leah said she'd buy my food if I did."

I laugh despite everything and pull out my phone to text Rosalie. She needs to know the shitstorm that's just occurred. I really can't believe I didn't utter a single word to Alice the entire time. The voices from where Jake stands grow loud and angry, and I myself just grow more pissed off. I realize right then, as I scroll through my contacts for Rose, that I've actually chosen Edward.

I know that _he _is the biggest reason why I did not confront Alice. He'd never forgive me if I got into a fight with her. Something inside of me just knows that.

I press 'call' and wait for him to pick up. He doesn't; I try again. _Voicemail._

"You tell me to stay out of your life, well…" I huff out a bitter laugh as I leave a message, "maybe I would if you'd stop siccing your bitches on me. By the way, their nametags read: Leah and Alice_." _I hang up and then slam my phone down onto the driver's seat.

Fuck this.

I'm out of the car and storming toward the arguing group without taking one breath. Which is still held in my lungs until I say, "What business is it of yours what goes on between Edward and me?"

Everyone stops talking to turn and stare at me. "Excuse me?" Alice scowls.

"Did I stutter?" I wait for her to comprehend that she's just been insulted. When the light turns on and her eyes narrow, I know I've got her full attention. "Aaaand _there _it is," I laugh and point at her to indicate that I'm aware she's finally caught on.

"Bella," Jake walks up to stand in front of me, "_don't_," he pleads.

I shake my head at him, at them, and at myself. Since when did I become a doormat? I glare at Alice and brush past Jake to move closer to my target. "Look, honey," I snort, "just because you're stuck in the friend zone? Doesn't give you the right to cock block."

Her mouth falls open in shock.

I smirk at her and take one step back. Yes, bitch. I'm onto you.

"You know," I start up again, "people usually misunderstand my silence for weakness. I let you talk shit because you're the one who looks stupid, not me. The more you flap your lips? The better I look. So go ahead," I motion for her to continue, "flap away." I quirk a brow in challenge.

"You bi—"

"Alice, _stop_." Jake's arm raises up to block her. "You started it."

"And I'll end it!" she hisses into his face and struggles to push past him to get to me.

My eyes search for threats. I see none in Emily; she's back on her phone. Leah looks only half-interested now that Alice is so worked up. Seth is almost finished with his food, I can hear him scraping at the bottom of his soda cup and crunching on ice behind me.

"Who the _hell _do you think you are?" Alice shouts at me from within the grip Jacob has on her. "Everything was fine until you came along. Now you're all anyone can talk about lately! I mean, what the _hell _do you have that is so different?"

I set a hand on my hip and look over at her indifferently. She looks a hot, jealous mess.

"Well, for one? I have class." I look her up and down with a slight sneer. "You obviously don't."

"_Oh, burn!_" Seth yells from inside Jake's car.

"Seth, shut up!" Jake growls. "Bella!" he grits his teeth and glares at me. "Get your ass in the car or I will carry you there myself."

I roll my eyes and cross my arms in a bored fashion. "Whatever," I look over at Alice, "this is a waste of my time anyway."

"Bella! Your phone is ringing!" Seth shouts with his head out the window and my phone held out for me to grab. "It's Cullen! Want me to answer?" he grins mischievously.

Alice makes a shocked, choking sound in response, and I nod my head for Seth to answer my phone. Even if my hold over Edward is gone, something tells me that _Alice_ doesn't know that. Which works out in my favor.

"Bella Swan's phone!" Seth chirps cheerfully. "She's currently in the middle of a catfight right now, can I take a message?"

I hide a smile and walk over to Jake's car. I hold my hand out and Seth drops my phone into it with a wink. I like this kid, I really do. "Edward?" I answer the phone.

"You don't get to call him that!" Alice yells.

I glare at her and then flip her the bird before turning back to my phone.

"Where are you?" Edward's voice is more of a growl deep within the back of his throat. Like Wolverine. A low rumble.

"What the hell have you been saying about me?" I ask first. "Because the chicks around here sure as hell have a lot of opinions of me. Which is odd because I've never even _met _them before," I reply with my own angry growl.

"Just get out of there," he gripes, "I'll handle them. I just want you gone."

I feel as though I've been stabbed in my gut. I gulp. "Wow," I exhale shakily, "you don't sugarcoat anything, do you?"

I hear him exhale into the phone. "I don't mean it like that."

"Sure you don't," I snap back at him.

"Don't try to twist my words," another low rumble growl escapes.

"I'm not!" I snap back. "You know, I may have been bored when I was with Jasper, but at least I knew what to expect. But when it comes to you?" I shake my head. "I don't know _anything_, and it drives me insane! I put myself out there and you stomped all over it!"

"Yeah, kind of like how you shit all over me every time _I _did for you. How does it feel, Bella? How do _you _like not being the one in control for once?" his voice turns hoarse.

I can't do this with him. It's always circles with him. _Always_. Will we ever break this bitter chorus we seem to have stuck on repeat?

"Look, whatever," I sigh in defeat. "I'll be out of La Push soon, I'm just waiting for Jake to drive me back to Forks. I promise not to come here anymore."

"Bella," his voice is strained, "that's not what I want."

"You don't know what you want, Cullen," I respond, and yes, I say his surname purposely to prove a point. "I won't chase you. That's not what I do."

"Me either," he hisses back. "You think I like this shit? I fucking _hate _it, Bella!"

I bite my lip and stare at the ground. I have no response because I'm not one-hundred percent sure what he means. Does he hate me? Does he hate his decision to go with me into that laundry room? Does he hate that I'm obviously not who he thought I was? I just don't know, and I'm not even sure I _want _to know.

I just wish Rosalie were here, she'd know what to do. But she's not, so I don't know what to do or say. I suddenly feel like I'm the only person standing in the room—or, er, parking area. It's an odd feeling considering the fact that I'm _not _alone. I'm practically surrounded.

"Say something, Bella," he breathes heavily.

I continue to breathe lightly, trying my very best to keep my nerves under control. What am I doing? I don't know him, but I want to get to know him. I'm just not sure I can handle everything else that comes with him. I hate Alice, but she's his best friend. I hate Leah, but she's friends with Alice.

I breathe… in… out… in…

"That's what I thought," is his murmured response. "Just go home, Bella. You don't belong in my world." I hear the flick of a lighter ignite, a deep inhale, and then…

We exhale.

"I don't know where I belong, Edward," I reply softly.

But he's already hung up.

-x-

_**Had a bad day, don't talk to me,  
>gonna ride this out,<br>My little black heart, breaks apart,  
>with your big mouth.<strong>_

_**And I'm sick of my sickness  
>Don't touch me, you'll get this.<br>I'm useless, lazy, perverted,  
>and you hate me.<strong>_

_**You can't save me,  
>You can't change me,<br>Well I'm waiting for my wakeup call,  
>And everything, everything's my fault.<strong>_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Save Me (Wake Up Call) _by_ Unwritten Law_. If you have a song that makes you think of this story, share it with me.

I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, **Typokween Writes** on Facebook. Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P

**Random Question: **_How many of you are going to school part-time while working full-time like I am and also trying to maintain a social and internet life? LOL_

**See you next Friday! **

P.S. LOVED the explanations you gave about the 'Uninvited' song and how it relates to this story! You are all so awesome.


	15. A Fever Dream

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

**SHOUT OUTS:** _**Jess:**_ ILY & I hope you feel better soon. _**Ysar**_: Thank you! _**DarlingSaila: **_YOU ARE AWESOME and deserve a million Edward kisses! Thank you for not telling me to shove off yet! _**Michelle:**_Thank you so much for everything you do! _**Maxipoo124:**_ I'm so honored you interviewed me! _**Everyone: **_Thank to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. It's astounding how awesome you all are.

**The actual amount of thanks you I have to give is no longer able to fit up here!**

Sorry, I didn't quite make the Friday cutoff—its a crazy week, what can I say?

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ what you thought you knew wasn't actually what happened.

**Ch. 15:** _A Fever Dream_

It's not funny, but she won't stop laughing.

"Shut up, Rosalie!" I slap her leg and pout.

She tries to speak, but then she just ends up laughing all over again. I would laugh, too, if what happened hadn't happened to _me_. But it did. So I'm pissed.

"But it's so cute!" she snorts like a piglet during her giggle session and falls over into another round.

I actually smirk at her when she does that. I love to see her happy, just not at my expense. But it's been so long since I've seen her this way; that I don't have the heart to kick her ass right now.

Okay, so I guess Seth has developed a little bit of a crush on me. I found this out today after school when I came home to a bouquet of three long stemmed red roses blanketed by yellow chrysanthemums.

According to Rosalie, yellow chrysanthemums mean I have a secret admirer; the red roses explain themselves. Along with the flowers was a little white stuffed bear hugging a red heart-shaped pillow_._ At first sight, I dared to allow myself to hope, to dream, to… indulge that forbidden part of my mind that wants to think that Cullen had something to do with this. Rose and I agreed that Jasper had nothing to do with the special delivery. Lately, he's just been acting as if we never dated, and he's taking Tia Kebi to Homecoming.

I won't lie; I'm slightly jealous.

"Are you done?" I glance down at the ball Rosalie's formed herself into under the covers in my bed.

For the past two days, she's been sleeping over; Dad's cool, but only because with it. Rosalie's parents suddenly decided to fly to Fiji at the last minute—without so much as a note to let Rose know their change of plans. Glory was the one to tell Rose what had happened while she was at school. It had caused her stomachache, which led to my hanging out with Jake and arguing with Alice, and somehow convincing Seth Clearwater that I'm a badass.

Yes, apparently Seth thinks I'm a badass and now has a crush on me. His memory has also finally kicked in and he totally remembers me tackling him to the ground and giving him the scar.

I know the flowers are from him for three reasons. One, the card said: _To Bella—aka BADASS!_. Two, the flowers weren't delivered; they were left on my doorstep where they were rained on for the duration of the day until I got home. And three, there is a soggy receipt stuck inside the plastic that holds the flowers together—the receipt has Harry Clearwater's debit info all over it. I'll have to remember to get that to him, so he can see that his son spent a little over fifty bucks on this ensemble of failed secrecy.

"Aww, c'mon, Bella," Rose chides. "Be nice. The poor kid has a crush. Totally harmless and great for your recently deflated ego." Her eyes sparkle with mischief, and I shake my head and roll my eyes at her in return.

"Whatever." I smack her with the teddy bear. "This is totally embarrassing!"

She's seconds away from yet _another _set of giggles when her phone goes off. We both freeze and look at each other before she wearily picks up and stares down at it. Her brow wrinkles in confusion, and I snap my fingers for her to show me.

_Jasper calling…_

I mouth: _"What the fuck?_" at her, and she shrugs before answering.

"Hello?"

She sounds so casual and cool that I want to pinch her.

"Oh, hey, Jasper! How are you?"

Now she sounds completely and utterly fake.

I pinch her side and giggle when she squeaks and glares at me in return. There is nothing more fun than fucking with Rosalie when she's in the middle of a façade. I start to make funny faces at her.

"W-what?" she stutters and bites her lip to keep from laughing at me. I dodge the swing of her arm and almost roll off the bed. "Huh? Oh, no, I'm totally not busy. Go ahead and ask me what you wanted."

This conversation is boring me, so I slip off the bed and roll onto my feet, and then trot over to my window to look outside. My dad is working on an old school, red truck that he swears will be the "bees knees" when he's done with it. It's been sitting there since before I even moved here. Apparently, it was bought with the intention of fixing it up for me to drive around.

Thank _God _my mom and Phil felt guilty for my move to Forks and bought me the Volvo. It may be slightly on the geeky side, but anything is better than that monster my dad is battling with at the moment. I decide to text Jake and ask him to give my dad a hand whenever he's free. He answers back almost immediately with: _No prob. But don't be surprised if Seth decides to tag along._

I stare at the flowers on my desk and sigh. What the hell am I going to do about that crush of his?

"Wait—_what?_" Rose's voice rises up an octave, and I whirl around to watch her closely. We lock eyes, and she holds up a finger to pause my advance in her direction. "But I thought you were going with Tia. What happened?"

I bite my lip and slowly make my way over to settle down beside her. She motions me closer and puts him on speakerphone.

"—and I don't want her to get the wrong idea. I know it's really last minute, but I'm still not over Bella, and I just really need a date. Please go with me, so I don't have to go with one of these other girls who think that going to Homecoming with me means we're getting married." he begs her.

My eyes widen. He's not over me? Nervous lip nibbling… engage.

Rose frowns down at her phone. "Well, honey, not every girl wants…" She trails off because, _yes, every girl wants him_. She sighs, "Well, I kinda let Emmett think I would go with him..."

She looks at me, and I immediately start to shake my head back and forth as I whisper-shout, "_No!_"

"Oh," Jasper sounds disappointed, "well, then, okay. I don't want to mess up anything between you two if there's something going—"

"There's not!" she interrupts. "You know what? It's totally fine. I'll go to Homecoming with you, Jasper. It makes sense, seeing as we'll both win Homecoming Court anyway."

My mouth drops open at her arrogance, and she rolls her eyes at me as if to say, '_Get real, Bella_.' I suppose she's right.

"Really?" Jasper sounds hopeful. "You'd do that for me? I swear, Rose, I will be nothing but a gentleman, and I will be in your debt for a really long time."

She chuckles. "I will hold you to that, Whitlock. I always collect."

"You are, by far… the best girl, who's a friend, I've ever had, sugar." His voice is beyond relieved, and I kind of feel really bad for fucking things up for him.

"Don't thank me yet. There's a small catch to this arrangement," she warns him before she begins to explain her terms. "I know Emmett can find a replacement date in a matter of seconds, but I also know that he hates to go to these things with just anyone."

Jasper sighs. "Lemme guess," he drawls hesitantly. "You want him to take Bella?"

My eyes widen and I start to wave my arms around, mouthing '_No!_' over and over as I inwardly pray for Jasper to shoot the idea down.

Rosalie chooses to act as if I'm invisible. "But if it's gonna be too awkward for you, Jas, I'll just let him ask whoever. I just don't want Bella to go stag, and Emmett would be perfect. I know you're still upset about what happened between you and Bell, but I promise you," her eyes lock with mine, "she's still upset about it, too."

Surprised, I blink and scoot away from her a bit. I _do _feel bad for breaking up with Jasper, but I'm not upset about it in the same way he is. Her eyes plead with mine in a way that tells me she's saying these things to soothe Jasper's feelings. I instantly feel ten times worse than before and hang my head in shame.

"Really?" he replies a bit staggered.

Rose nods her head without breaking eye contact with me. "Yes, really."

"Well, I guess… I mean, do you think I should ask her—"

"No," she stops him. "Jas, that's not a good idea. It's nothing personal, but Bella has a lot going on in her life right now. She really did like you, but with everything going on…" she sighs and uses a sympathetic tone. "Plus, it hasn't been too long since what happened at the game in Port Angeles with Mike. I just think she could really use a friend, ya know? I wish I could tell you more, I do, but it's not my news to share."

Jasper doesn't answer for a while, and both Rose and I hold our breath in wait. Finally, he sighs, "Yeah, okay. I see your point."

"Excellent," she responds with a grin. "I'll set everything up. Don't worry about a thing."

I hear the roar of Jake's approaching engine outside my window and leave Rose to figure out details with Jasper. As I slowly make my way downstairs to greet Jake and watch him assist my father, I wonder if this Homecoming arrangement is a good idea. It seems innocent, but I have a really bad feeling.

The feeling follows me for the rest of the day and into the next morning.

-x-

None of my excuses work when I try them on Rose come Homecoming night.

The pep rally was awful—_awful! _I'm not exaggerating, like… _at all_. First of all, one of the girls decided to celebrate early and was a sloppy mess during the routine. Luckily, she was in back, and the other girls were sure to hide her as best they could. That was some major team building skills, if you ask me.

Not to mention the fact that three of the girls forgot the steps and fumbled like buffoons due to Rosalie's last minute choreography changes. I wanted so badly to say 'I told you so!' but thought better of it when Rose shot me the evil eye. Jessica, however, did not keep her mouth shut and was promptly told to shut the fuck up by not only Rosalie, but also by yours truly.

Anyway, back to my string of failed excuses of trying to get out of going to Homecoming. I have always known Rose to keep a straight face, but her stoniness has doubled since the pregnancy. She did not flinch once as I begged her to let me stay home.

_But it's so last minute! _

_But I have nothing to wear!_

_But it's going to be awkward!_

_But I don't have a dress!_

_But I hate dances!_

_But I'm allergic to parades!_

_But I'm washing my hair that day!_

Nothing.

She has an answer for everything that comes flying out of my mouth. She even bought me a dress that will give my Dad a heart attack.

It's not so much the dance that I'm worried about; it's the parade. As a cheerleader, I'm supposed to be on one of the floats anyway. However, because Jasper pulled strings to get me on Homecoming Court, I was now scheduled to wave happily in the Forks High parade, _up front_,with a stupid red RUNNER UP sash. This is where my problem lies.

I don't want to do it; I want to hide in the middle of my fellow cheerleaders so that no one notices me. I know I say that I didn't want to be invisible, but old habits die hard. Especially when it comes to being put on display like a glass figurine.

Emmett's boisterous laugh suddenly fills the house, and from my place at the end of my bed, with Rosalie holding a curling iron over my head, I flinch and nearly burn my scalp. I get smacked by Rosalie for moving and scoff at the audacity of her punishing me, considering she's the one brandishing a weapon. Dad calls us down, and the second Rosalie pulls my hair free from the iron, I'm up and across the room.

"Hurry up and get dressed," she hisses and throws my dress at my face. "Watch the hair!" she shouts, and I scowl at her and snatch the dress away from my head.

She looks gorgeous in a short, light pink, babydoll cut, bubble dress. There's a black sash that's wrapped around her, below her bust and tied, which ties into a cute bow, and the extra ribbon hangs down to just above her knees. Her hair is blown out and curled at the ends; she wears minimal makeup, and no jewelry save for two Tiffany diamond studs in her ears. Her black Lady Peep Toe pumps are Christian Louboutin and probably cost more than her dress and my dress put together.

Aw, yes, _my _dress.

Okay, I must give credit where credit is due. Rosalie, although a total pain in the ass sometimes, is a fashion guru. Not only that, but she knows me inside and out. I should have known not to doubt her when she said she'd already gotten me a Homecoming dress.

Royal blue, strapless, and form-fitting all the way to my hips, where it flairs out into two layers of thin satin material. The dress is short, and just like Rose's, it stops a few inches above my knees. The bodice is ruffled, as is the bust, and it totally makes my boobs look bigger than they actually are. As for _my _heels? I got some sparkly silver Christian Louboutin _knockoffs. _

My hair is a mixture of waves and curls—Rose has gone all out. I have two small silver hoops in my ears, and although I feel naked without my silver chain that I wear every day—a gift from my grandmother before she passed years ago—I settle for the thinner chain Rose has given me with a small silver 'B' on the end. It hangs a couple inches above my bust, and I continuously find myself pressing the 'B' between my thumb and forefinger as I slide it back and forth against the chain.

"Bella!" Rose shouts from downstairs, and I flinch back into reality.

Running to get one last look in the mirror, I check my makeup to see my eyes thinly outlined in black and my lashes long and full from the magic mascara Rose has applied. My lips hold a touch of pink, as do my cheeks, and I sigh and close my eyes at my reflection.

That girl isn't me.

-x-

Awkward. It's the only word to accurately describe the atmosphere inside the limo. Even Emmett's constant joking isn't pulling the stick from out Jasper's ass. I'm tempted to walk back home, I really am.

Dinner was the worst. The entire time, Jasper fumbled for the right things to say, and Emmett struggled to keep up conversation. I tried to help by telling the story about Seth's little crush—a story prompted by Rosalie—but that seemed to make matters worse. Why? Well, because I had to tell _why _Seth had a crush. My encounter with Alice is obviously something Jasper knows about. His entire body clammed up, and since then, he's kept to himself.

"We need drinks," Emmett announces a few blocks away from the school.

I chew on my bottom lip as I contemplate this. "I don't think that's such a great idea," I announce and share a look with Rosalie. She can't drink, and if she says that, they will ask why. Rosalie is not known for her soberness.

"Why not?" Emmett snorts and twists the cap on a bottle of Tequila. "It'll loosen us up," he shoves the bottle under my nose, "and lord knows we could all use some loosening up."

I scowl and push the bottle away from my face. "Call me crazy, but falling off a parade float because I'm drunk is not appealing."

Emmett rolls his eyes and gives the bottle to Jasper, who immediately takes a swig. I'm surprised by this, and it shows on my face. His eyes lock with mine, and in an act of defiance, he tilts the bottle back and gulps without breaking eye contact. The limo rolls to a stop, and I waste no time getting out and pulling Rosalie along with me.

"This was a huge mistake, Rosalie," I hiss at her.

She slowly pries my fingers from around her bicep and then flings my hand away with a look of annoyance. "Relax," she mutters. "Emmett's right about the Tequila; you should drink some. Jasper is not the only one who needs to loosen up. You're way too uptight right now, so much so that I feel like all I need to do is touch you before you snap like a stretched rubber band."

I roll my eyes at her and cross my arms. "And what about you? You'll be the only one not drinking, and they'll want to know why."

She shrugs carelessly. "Do I look like I give a fuck what they think?"

My eyes search her face for any signs of doubt, and I find no clues to see if she's lying or not. So I assume she really doesn't care. "Fine," I growl and stomp back inside the limo, "give me that." I hold a hand out for the bottle and Emmett hands it over with a whoop.

I know this is a majorly bad idea. I know it, and yet I still tip the bottle back and drink. The Tequila burns down my throat, and I grimace because it's warm and tastes horribly bitter. I exhale through pursed lips and swear I could start a fire with my breath alone. Ignoring the excited applause from my "date" as I throw back another gulp of Don Julio Silver.

We waste no time afterward in getting out to the field for the parade, which is minutes away from starting. Jasper and Rosalie's wins as King and Queen was announced at yesterday's football game, where we beat one of our biggest rivals, the Montesano Bulldogs.

When we arrive at the field, I realize this is where we split up. Rose and Jasper will ride in an old school Mustang Convertible, painted and decorated with Forks High School colors, behind the school's marching band. Emmett and I will ride on the athletic float following the convertible, and so on. I'm glad we live in a small town because that means this parade will be short. We'll ride once through town and then circle back to the field and head out to the dance.

I'm slightly tipsy as I climb the narrow staircase that leads to the top of the athletic float. The cheerleaders have been split up so that a few of us ride on each athletic float. I search behind me to wave at Kate Stone and Mike Chang on the basketball float. I'm obviously on the football one since I'm Emmett's date, and beside me stands a scowling Jessica Stanley—Mike is not to be within 25 feet of me and, therefore, will not be included in the parade.

I lean forward on the railing around the float—which happens to look like Betsey Johnson's Vintage Varsity line threw up on it—and hold on tight as we start to move forward. As if sensing my uneasiness, Emmett comes up behind me and places an arm around my shoulders as he practices his wave to the crowd. He looks like a dork, and I tell him so while laughing.

An hour and a half later, we're squished up on a dance floor, jumping up and down and shouting at the top of our lungs to a Biggie Smalls song. I should be surprised that someone like Emmett McCarty knows every lyric to the song 'Hypnotize' by The Notorious B.I.G., but I'm not. I'm buzzed, and he's buzzed, and we're having a damned good time. I haven't seen Rosalie in a while, but last I did see her, she was laughing and dancing with Jasper. I plan to check up and see how she is doing as soon as I'm done cutting a rug with Emmett.

Every so often, I feel a sharp jab in my ribcage, and after a while, I realize it's from Jessica's elbow. When I whirl around to shove her away from me, Emmett decides to pick me up and spin me around to the other side of the dance floor. I must say, he really is a great date. He's not handsy at all, and it's so refreshing to be able to be my damned self for once and have _fun_.

We head back to the tables when a slow song starts—we're much too wired to sway back and forth to Celine Dion—and run into Tia Kebi and Liam Hunter. I'm happy to see that Tia harbors no ill feelings about Jasper's abrupt change of plans that left her dateless—or not, seeing as how she's here with Liam.

"Have you seen Rose?" I ask Tia before we part ways.

She's thoughtful for a few seconds before shaking her head regretfully and walking off with Liam. Emmett and I decide to grab some punch, and although it's not spiked, we sit and pretend it is. We cheer to the night and then race to see who can chug the fastest. I dribble a few drops down onto my chest, and Emmett's eyes are glued to the dark pink liquid that slides down between my breasts. He's such a goober.

Emmett wins our chugging contest and jumps up, cheerfully, shouting for me to get my ass on the dance floor when 'S&M' by Rihanna starts to play. We both pretend to whip each other with leather belts and chains and laugh hysterically when our arms almost knock out innocent dancers around us. It's as if Emmett and I share the same brain tonight. When he shimmies to the left, I shimmy to the right, and vice versa. We make up our own whacky movements, and suddenly, by the next song, we've made up a routine that we repeat and perfect by the time Rosalie finally shows her face again.

"Where were you?" I ask while bouncing on the balls of my feet. My heart is pounding, and my skin is glistening with perspiration, but I feel great and alive.

She shrugs with a small smile. "Watching you two act like fools while guarding Jasper from aggressive females wanting to dance with him."

My eyes search behind her for Jasper.

"He went to use the restroom," she says as she dances beside me.

"Rosie!" Emmett booms over the music. "You've finally come to your senses and decided to join the fun, huh?" He snaps his fingers and does a Travolta move that causes both Rosalie and myself to fall over in giggles. I no longer regret coming to the dance, thanks to him and his crazy personality.

It's getting late and we know we only have a few songs left before last call, so I convince Rose to partner with Emmett during a slow song and slip away. I wink at Emmett, who winks back, a small moment passing between us, and I'm glad he realizes I'm on his side. He's good for Rose; I just wish she'd give him the chance.

I'm almost off the dance floor when I bump into Jasper, who looks as though he was coming to join Rose. I'm frozen for a few beats and look over my shoulder at Rose and Emmett so that Jasper can follow and see them, too. When I'm sure he's seen them, I give a small smile and wait for him to step aside.

He doesn't.

"Um…" He clears his throat. "You wanna…?" He motions forward to a small clearing on the floor, just enough room for the two of us to dance together.

I hesitate to agree. I don't want to give him the wrong impression, but I don't want to come off as a major bitch either. Then I figure what harm can one dance do? I slightly dip my head and walk backward, with my hands around his wrists, bringing him toward me. I place them at my hips gently and then set my hands on his shoulders. As the final song starts, I feel regret that I don't feel more for Jasper. I wish so badly that I felt for him the way he feels for me.

We avoid eye contact at first, neither one of us daring to look the other in the eyes for longer than a second or two. I take the initiative and take a slow step in closer, drawing our bodies together just slightly. I sigh and stare at the boutonnière on his jacket lapel. Eventually, I feel his hands relax, and his fingers spread over my waist comfortably.

I gulp and dare to look up in time to catch his gaze. I feel my cheeks burn, but I don't look away. It's not a silly little moment, but it's not groundbreaking either. In these few passing seconds, I feel an understanding pass between us.

So as John Mayer croons on about slow dancing in a burning room, I close my eyes and rest my head gently on Jasper's shoulder.

-x-

We're all seated around the table in the large and spacious kitchen of some football player whom I currently don't recall knowing—which I find weird because I swear I know everyone on the team. I have Jasper on my left and Emmett to my immediate right, with Rosalie firmly placed in his lap. Across from me are a few other guys on the team, along with Jessica, Jennifer, and Lauren.

Or, as I like to call them, The Wicked Witches of Eastwick.

Centered on the table is a large beer glass, filled to the brim with Blue Moon beer. A slice of an orange floats at the top for ambiance. Scattered around the glass is a deck of 52 cards, faced down with a hot pink Playboy bunny on the back of each card. In front of each of us sit our own red Dixie cups, filled with our own drinks of choice.

If you can't tell by now, we're playing Kings.

It's the start of our third round, and nearly everyone at the table is well on their way to being three sheets to the wind. All except for Rosalie, of course, because she can't drink, but we've convinced everyone that she drew the shortest straw for DD tonight. The Limo had expired hours ago.

"Hey, Jess, where did you get your dress?" one of the guys on the team, Garrett, turns toward and randomly asks her.

In her drunken haze, she squints at him accusingly and says, "I got it at Macy's, wh—" she immediately slaps a hand over her mouth with wide eyes and everyone shouts and points to the large glass on the table.

The last card Garrett drew was a Queen; therefore, Garrett is now the Question Master, and none of us at the table are supposed to answer any question he asks without having to drink from the glass in the middle of the table. Jessica's never been the brightest crayon in the box, so this game suits her nicely when it comes to getting shitfaced. She takes a gulp, and the beer sloshes over the side of the glass and onto the table, nearly dripping onto Lauren's dress.

The game goes on, and when Jasper picks up an 8 (the date/mate card), he chooses me as his drinking buddy for the rest of the game. Which means whenever he's forced to drink, so am I. We're all having a great time because when you're drunk, everything is just really fucking awesome. I don't hate anyone, and no one hates me. Jessica and I have already declared to name our first-born children after each other. Alcohol is magic.

The next card I draw is an Ace (the Waterfall card), and it sucks because it means I can't stop drinking from my cup until everyone at the table has started drinking as well, with no one stopping until the last person is swallowing from their own cup. I know I'm going to puke tonight; I just know it.

When Emmett finally brings his cup to his lips, I slam my own plastic cup down onto the table and burst out laughing. "I'm so drunk, I'm done!" I shout and stand up to announce that I have to pee, before I stagger away from the table toward the bathroom.

Rosalie follows closely behind and wraps an arm around my waist. "You're wasted. We should think about leaving soon."

"What?" I shout in astonishment. "Are you crazy? Why? We're having so much freaking fun!"

She cringes, and I'm guessing it's because I'm yelling in her face. I giggle and enter the bathroom, and she closes the door behind us. It's weird, but I feel like I function less in the quiet bathroom than I do outside in the loud party. I do what I came in here to do and then wash my hands and fix my face and hair while Rosalie goes next. I realize as I swipe my fingers under my eyes to smudge out any stray mascara or eyeliner, that I'm straddling the border between will-wake-up-with-a-headache drunk and will-not-remember-anything-in-the-morning drunk. But I can't go home like this.

"Let's wind down before we blow," I say to her, and before I can say another word, I'm bent over the sink laughing my ass off at what I've just said. "Before we…" I'm laughing again, "before we _blow_!" It's so funny, I'm going to die of laughter.

"Ugh, great. You're, gonna annoy me for the rest of the night now," Rose mutters irritably.

I promise her I will keep my giggles to a minimum and that I will drink water from here on out. I fully intend to keep my promise, except when we get back to the kitchen, the atmosphere's changed. It's still fun and happy-go-lucky, but there is an air of quiet secret about it. Like everyone is in on the same joke, and I'm left out. I don't realize why that is until we start to play again, and I see that Tyler and Garrett are missing from the table.

"Your turn, Belly Boo," Emmett nudges me to choose a card.

The second I reach for a card, the table erupts into laughter and shouts at me to take a shot of Tequila. I guess while I was away, someone pulled a Jack and made up the rule that every time someone reached for a card and slid it toward themselves before looking at it, had to down a shot of Tequila. Yay me. Blech.

I shoot it back fast and slam the shot glass back down to the table with a bitter grimace, just in time to see Cullen walk into the room behind Tyler and Garrett. I snort at my luck, but I knew it was inevitable. La Push had their Homecoming sometime last week, and I know for a fact that Edward didn't go. I know because Jake found it necessary to share that piece of information with me.

I spy Jake and Royce hanging back from entering the kitchen, and I know it's because of Rosalie. I start to wonder how she will act when she sees him. I turn to look at her and find out that it's too late to warn her—she's seen him. She gulps and shares a quick look with me before attempting to hide herself behind Emmett's shoulder. It's a lost cause, but I'm too drunk to care.

I pull a 6 and shout for all the dicks at the table to chug. I smirk over at Jasper, who looks as if he no longer knows where he is anymore. His eyes are glossy, red, and half-lidded. He may fall asleep at the table. I worry for a moment that he might pass out, and I lean in to ask him if he's all right. He wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me over to smack a sloppy kiss against my face. When I pull away, Cullen is scowling over at us, but he doesn't move or say a word.

It's not like him.

"Hey, you!" I shout across the table and point directly at Cullen. "Come play!"

Everyone at the table sits silently and watches our exchange in complete shock. No one at this table but a select few even know I associate with Cullen. The other half can't believe their eyes.

"No, I'm good," Cullen grunts and turns away.

"Pussy!" I shout, and I swear the entire room grows deathly silent.

He turns his head to glare at me ever so slightly before shaking his head and exiting the kitchen altogether. _Fucker_. I can't believe he's going to ignore me. Rose snaps her fingers for my attention and with one look, tells me to knock it off. I roll my eyes and then flinch when I hear a loud thump on my left and turn to see Jasper sprawled out on the table in front of him. He's out cold.

I wait for three more people to pick a card before I stand up and pretend I have to use the bathroom again. Rosalie gets up to join me, but I hightail my ass out of the room before she can resume her role as my own personal chaperone. Immediately upon leaving the kitchen, I search for Edward, but I can't find him anywhere.

There's a line consisting of three people outside the bathroom. Two of them are making out, so I'm not quite sure if they're in line or not. Either way, I'm not going to wait with them. I decide to head back to the kitchen, but I don't want to walk through the living room again. I don't want to look like a little lost loser. So I make my way around the room on the outskirts, smiling at people and acting as if I know where I'm going.

Even when I'm drunk, I care what people think about me. How messed up is that? Doesn't matter, my mind jumps to a new topic. Wasn't I looking for Cullen? Yes, yes, I was. He seems to be hidden beneath some sort of invisibility cloak because I can't find him anywhere. It's frustrating, and I give up and head back to the kitchen again. In fact, I think I was headed there to begin with? I need Rose. She's right, I do need to go home.

Someone bumps into me as they brush past me, and I hit my shoulder against a wall. Only, it's not a wall. It's a person. A tall, gigantic person with wide, blue eyes, an angular face, and dark hair. It's fucking Royce King.

"Lost?" He smirks down at me.

I roll my eyes and push away from him. "Don't touch me."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Doll," he snorts. "I rather like my face, and I don't need Cullen breaking it."

"Whatever," I roll my eyes. "You can leave now."

He sighs and crosses his arms over his broad chest. "So, look, I figure we can help each other out here."

He must be out of his damned mind. "Me? Help _you?_" I scoff at the very idea. "What have you been smoking? Because, whatever it is, it's got you twisted, to think that I would _ever _help you." I scowl into his face.

"You don't have to like me, but I know something you might find interesting," he attempts to bait me. I'm not biting, so he slips closer and bends down to my ear. "So, I was listening to Jake, as he talked to Seth the other day," he pauses to check that I'm listening, "and he said something that had me thinking."

"Don't hurt yourself," I dig at him; it's a reflex.

He chuckles and continues, "I notice things sometimes—I get dismissed because I don't say much, but I listen, and I observe. I see and hear shit because everyone thinks I'm too high to comprehend what goes on around me. Well, they're wrong."

"Is there a point to this story, or are you just wasting my time?" I growl impatiently.

"You are a firecracker," he grins in amusement. "I heard Jake tell Seth to pretend something the next time you ask him about it."

My interest piques. "What something?" I ask as I try my best to sound indifferent.

He grins. "Something about landing on someone at a playground, I don't know the whole story. I didn't hear it all, but from what I did hear? Something clicked…"

I feel an anxious shiver work its way through my body. "What?" I whisper, breathless.

"That little scar on Seth's brow…" he says, and I nod to let him know I'm familiar with it. "Cullen's got one, too… got it when he was nine years old."

I gasp, a small but quick intake of air. "How do you know?"

"'Cause I was there when you landed on him, Bella," he replies directly into my ear.

-x-

My search for Cullen becomes a frantic one. A failed one. I start to look for Jake in hopes that I'll find Cullen not too far away. But looking for anyone right now is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I'm ready for the prick, because then at least I'll know that I've found what I was looking for.

I've gone back to the table in the kitchen where everyone is still playing drinking games. Rose looks ready to leave; her eyes bore into mine as if she knows what I'm doing and does not approve. I shake my head and roll my eyes, pretending to be chill, when, in all actuality, I'm freaking the fuck out inside.

Cullen is the kid I trampled on the playground almost ten years ago. I could have sworn it was Seth, based on the fact that back then, at the time, both boys had buzz cuts and freckles. Seth has always been tall for his age, so I didn't think much of the height difference because there was none. What did this mean? If it was Cullen that day, then that meant that I was the one to introduce him and Jake as friends. If not for that day, would they have eventually made friends anyway? Would they be as close as they are now?

I have to find Cullen. I jump up from my seat at the table. Jasper is barely coherent and groans when my movement jostles the tabletop. I feel bad and pat his back in apology, but I know he won't remember this tomorrow. I've never seen Jasper like this before, and when I look over at Emmett, I know he's worried. Which means we're getting ready to leave soon—like, _really _soon.

I need to find Cullen. I grow so desperate that I end up going to Royce again; he's in the same spot I left him in over ten minutes ago. I should have just asked him in the first place, instead of running scared like I always do.

"Where is he?" I grab on his jacket to pull his attention away from a couple of stoners.

"Hiding from you," Royce says with chuckle.

I eye him irritably and cross my arms across my chest, not amused.

"All right, chill out." He leans over to speak into my ear so that I can hear him over the crowd, "Jake and I are about to bounce in a few minutes. We drove in with Cullen, but we can get a ride from someone else. So, why don't you be a good little girl and quit jerking my boy around, huh? We all have enough shit to deal with without having to deal with Cullen, too. You feel me?"

I blink and stare at a green set of eyes that are staring daggers in our direction from across the room. I nod my head to Royce, but my gaze never leaves Cullen's. I feel an instant sense of relief. I've found him. He's here. I can breathe easily again. I can feel the cloudiness from the alcohol I've consumed tonight reenter my atmosphere. Now that I'm not in a panic any longer, I'm less focused and more uninhibited.

"Two things," I mumble and then break eye contact to stare up at Royce. "One, I'm not a good little girl."

He snorts in amusement.

"And two…" I arch a brow. "You're standing too close."

He chuckles, "Am I now?"

My gaze darts back to Cullen, and he's gone from where he was before, but that's only because now he's two feet away and gaining speed. I laugh softly and lift a finger to point behind Royce. "Yeah," I nod as I point, "you are."

I don't have to say another word for Royce to finally understand what I mean. He clenches his eyes and grinds out a curse word under his breath. When Edward's hand slams down onto his shoulder and spins him around, Royce is ready and throws his hands up to shove him a step back.

"Chill out," Royce snaps.

Edward's jaw is well defined as he clenches his teeth.

"You see?" Royce jabs a finger into Edward's chest. "This is that shit I'm talking about."

"Fuck you," Edward growls and slaps Royce's hand away. "Weren't you leaving? Leah already blew your little covert plan to ditch me here. She's waiting for you outside with Jake."

Royce tips an imaginary hat at the two of us and slips past Edward with a smirk. The party is thinning out, and I can easily see the kitchen from where I'm standing. Rose is watching with a worried look on her face, and she nudges Emmett. His head turns to see me with Edward, and he instantly stands up and starts for us. Time is running out.

Edward sees him coming, too. "What is it with you and best friends, huh? First me, then Jake. Now Jasper, then Emmet? Is there a handbook you work out of? 'Cause you're flawlessly efficient, Bella."

His words hurt. I wonder for a moment if he cares, because when my face falls with guilt, his eyes soften. By then it's too late to respond, Emmett is in front of us and holding out a hand for me to take.

"Let's go, Bella. We're leaving," he says with angry eyes directed at Edward. Rose is right beside him, looking docile and quaint.

It's fucking irritating to see her like that. It's not like her.

"Leaving?" Edward challenges him. "Yeah, I guess if my friend couldn't handle his shit, I'd be leaving, too," he motions over to the table that Jasper is once again passed out on top of.

Emmett ignores him and looks down at me. "Bella?"

I gulp and look at Edward, who crosses his arms and tries to look bored. I want to ask him if what Royce said is true. I want him to ask me to stay. I want him to fight with Emmett. I want something—anything—from him that will let me know that he still wants me. But he doesn't. He just stares at me with a look that could curl paper from walls. My eyes start to sting as I realize that he doesn't want me anymore.

It's too late.

I pull my eyes away from him and lift a hand to take Emmett's. I feel like absolute shit as I walk away with Rose and gather our things to leave. I keep waiting for her to speak and say something comforting, but she doesn't. I need it now, more than ever, and it feels like she's deliberately not saying anything to help me feel better. Rose tells Emmett to grab Jasper while she pulls the car around, and I stand on the driveway to keep the spot clear for her to park in.

I'm not sober, but my buzz is officially dead. Rose pulls up faster than I expected, or maybe I was lost in my head longer than I thought, I don't know which. She waits inside the car, the engine idling like a purring kitten, and I walk around to the passenger side. My hand is on the handle when I look up at my reflection in the window, and see that my face isn't the only one staring back at me.

"Wait!" Edward's voice is like a warm blanket encompassing me. I pause and allow him to slide his arm around my waist to pull my back against his front. "Don't go." His lips are right against my ear, his breath warm and caressing my skin. His hold tightens around me and pushes the air from my lungs.

"Give me one good reason why," I whisper shakily with my hand still on the car door handle.

He sighs into the crook of my neck. "Because it's still early."

It's not. I know for a fact that it's way past midnight. "Not good enough," I say in response.

"Because you don't want to go with them," he murmurs and presses his lips to my shoulder.

I shiver. "Still not good enough."

I'm eager, but I'm scared. I've been pushing and pulling for weeks, and every time I think I've made a decision, I change my mind. My grip on the door tightens, and Edward notices right away, and I feel his arm tighten around my waist to pull me closer.

"Because _I _don't want you to go with them," he states decisively as both his hands slide to my hips and grip on firmly. He has me then, and he knows it.

This is it. This is the moment where everything changes. This is where I'm supposed to let go and allow myself to take a chance for once in my life. It's not up to anyone but me to decide what I do next, and it terrifies me. Because I don't like being vulnerable to anyone, not even Rosalie. I'm so used to her telling me to learn from her mistakes. To learn from _my _mistakes. But we all have to let go of the past eventually, right? Otherwise, how can we have a future worth living?

It's time for me to let go and just jumpinto the unknown. It's scary, but I'll be with him.

"Okay," I breathe and release the door handle.

I'm going to be with Edward.

-x-

_**She speaks in tongues  
>Her words they come undone, yeah<br>And with a wayward mind  
>she struggles through the night<strong>_

All that I can do  
>Is hope she makes it through<br>Through the night  
>Through the night<p>

These cold nightmares  
>They make her worse for wear<br>Lost in the dark  
>She's got a heavy heart.<p>

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Fragile Bird _by_ City and Colour_. DL this song—ASAP! If you have a song that makes you think of this story, share it with me. I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, and **Typokween Writes** on Facebook.

Link to the drinking game "Kings" that Bella was playing is on my profile. :D

**TK's FRIDAY FIC REC**: _Substance Clad In Shadows_ by _holleujah—holy $h!t its awesome!_

In response to last week's random Q: I'm so happy that most of you know how I feel as I struggle to juggle work, school and life!

**This week's Random Question: **_How excited were you when you watched the Vampire Diaries season 3 premiere? OMG! Forwood all the way!_

**See you next Friday! **


	16. This Cloud

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

**SHOUT OUTS—**_**Jess, Ysar**_, _**DarlingSaila*, Michelle:**_Thank you so much for everything you do! _**Everyone: **_Thank to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. _*THANK. YOU. Seriously. _

**The actual amount of thanks you I have to give is no longer able to fit up here!**

**WARNING: **This is NSFW. May need new change of chones (underwear). This story earns it M rating once again in this chapter. That is all.

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ he wants to watch you touch yourself.

**Ch. 16:** _This Cloud_

My heart pounds heavily inside my chest. I keep swallowing it back down from my throat. I'm nervous. I don't know why I'm so nervous exactly, it's not like I've never been alone with Cullen before. _Edward. _Imean to say _Edward_.

The windows in his car are down, the breeze feels cool against my skin, and I shiver because I'm in a tiny strapless dress. I need warmth, so I sigh and curl my knees up to my chest in hopes of gaining some body heat. I know my ass is hanging out from sitting like this, but I only feel slight embarrassment. It's nothing he hasn't seen before.

Suddenly, I have Edward's jacket draped over me. His eyes are watchful as I settle it across my knees and fix it so that my ass isn't on display anymore. The music is set low and the bass thumps throughout the car, making my seat feel like a massage chair. I like it.

I keep hoping he'll say something, or at least tell me where it is we're going. All I know is that we're not headed to my house because I live on the other side of town. I so badly want him to touch me that I keep imagining his hand pulling the jacket from my knees and sliding down to the spot between my legs. I want him so badly it hurts to sit still. I keep squirming in my seat as if I have to go to the bathroom.

It's embarrassing.

"I know what you want," he says suddenly.

"Excuse me?" I turn to him in confusion.

He smirks and tilts his head slightly, "You know what I'm talking about."

He seems so sure of himself on his side of the car. One hand carelessly slung outside his window and the other resting on the wheel in front of him. He is the picture of relaxed, and he looks so fucking good doing it. His jeans are dark blue and snug in all the right places, his shirt is a light gray tee that clings to his chest and shoulders like a second skin, and his hair is in its usual sexy disarray.

I groan inwardly and close my eyes while I rest my head on my seat. "Where are we going?" I decide to ask since we're talking now.

"Gotta make a stop really quick," he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. I blink over at him and wait for him to elaborate. He doesn't. All he says is, "Just stay in the car and I'll be out as soon as possible."

I knew it was a lie the moment he said it, and forty minutes later, when I'm seated inside his car after twenty minutes of waiting… I start to get pissed right the fuck off. We're somewhere between La Push and Port Angeles, that much I know for sure given the roads we took to get here. The house is a one-story cottage that's bursting with bodies and loud music. I don't know a single face, but they all look to be around my age or older. I start to wonder if it's a college party of some sort.

Another ten minutes pass by and my patience runs out. It's nearly two in the morning by now and I'm ready to go home. I throw Edward's jacket down on the floor of the car and step outside, slamming the door behind me. I stomp toward the house and enter without knocking, which isn't too big a deal because the front door is wide open anyway.

The smell of cigarettes and weed is everywhere around me along with plastic cups of various alcoholic drinks and beer cans. Loud laughter draws my attention to the kitchen where I see a guy being held upside down doing a keg stand. I sigh and wish I were still drunk; I'm even tempted to grab a drink, but I don't know these people, and I know better than to lose my head in a situation like this.

My eyes vigorously search for Cullen. I'm beyond pissed and confused and just all around exhausted. Who the hell does he think he is? Why did he bring me here? I shove past a cackling group of girls who are so drunk they probably don't even know what they're laughing about. While walking through the house, I ignore the looks I receive and brush off the guys who try to talk to me. If I hear '_Nice legs_' one more time, I swear I'm going postal.

I finally become so fed up that I just start to ask people if they've seen Cullen. I'm alarmed by how many people seem to know who he is, but at the same time I'm glad. Because, eventually, I'm led to a back room where a small group of people are seated around a table pulling hits through a gigantic green hookah. I spot Cullen sprawled across a couch talking to some barely dressed blonde who keeps rubbing his chest with her red clawed hands.

My temper skyrockets.

I have to remind myself that I am not a violent person; that I have class and I take control of situations instead of allow them to take control of me. I will not make a scene; I will handle this shit with discreet dignity. I take a step toward them and pause in shock when someone behind me thinks it's okay to palm my ass.

"Damn, girl, you have the _sexiest _legs I have ever had the pleasure of viewing."

I look down to see some random stoner with lidded hazel eyes and a grin I'm sure makes most girls melt. It just makes me fucking angry.

"Remove your hand from my ass or I'll stick it up yours," I growl down at him with a death glare.

He raises both his hands up at his sides, "My bad. Just admiring the scenery, baby."

"Well, don't," I snap.

Stoner dude chuckles, "Then what are you doing in my house and in my room, sweet cheeks?"

I straighten my shoulders. "I came in here for that asshole over there," I point at Cullen, who's head flies up just in time to see stoner guy make a grab at my ass again.

He's up and on his feet so fast that the blonde, who had practically been in his lap, rolls right off the couch. He doesn't even acknowledge that she's alive as he takes four long steps to get to me. I smirk at her glaring face and then scowl at Cullen.

"We're leaving," I hiss up at him and grab a handful of the front of his shirt. "_N__ow_."

His brow furrows, "Oh, really?" he snorts. "Cause I'm not—"

"Get the fuck in the car, Edward!" I scream so loud that everyone in the room stops to stare at us.

I don't give Cullen anytime to react before I head out of the room. I try to slam the door behind me, but it never shuts because Cullen is right on my heels. When he's in the hall, he slams the door closed and then yanks me backward and shoves me against the wall in the dark and empty hallway.

"What the hell was that?" he hisses so close that our noses bump.

"Get off me!" I shout and try to push him away with no success. My frustration gets the best of me and I start to lash out at him. "Why the hell did you bring me here if all you were going to do was fuck some dirty tramp in a back room while I waited for you outside? Huh?" My hands crash against his chest angrily. "I'm so tired of your games!"

"_My _games?" he suddenly shouts back into my face. "You're the one yanking me back and forth like a fucking yo-yo!"

"I broke up with a really great guy for you, asshole!" I yell.

He snorts, "Don't try to pin that shit on me. You didn't want to be with him to begin with, I was just your scapegoat. By the way? I don't like to be used." His hands clench my hips painfully, but I like it.

"Funny you should say that," I sneer, "cause I don't like it either. Why don't you remember that the next time you—"

"I have _never _used you, not once," he growls. "You, on the other hand, seem to pick and choose when you want to pay me any attention. So, fuck you."

"Fuck me?" I stare at him in disbelief. "Nuh uh, fuck _you._ You're the asshole in this situation, not me."

He laughs mockingly, "I wasn't the one drunk and hanging all over my ex earlier!"

"I was not!" I lie through my teeth. "And look who's talking!"

His jaw is clenched so hard I can see the muscles in face and down his neck move beneath his skin. It turns me on in ways that it shouldn't. I start to wonder if I'm a masochist. I start to wonder if I care.

"Why did you bring me here, Cullen?" I pant and try to ignore how hot his hands are against me.

I don't realize my mistake until he bares his teeth and hisses, "What did I say about calling me Cullen?"

I cringe inwardly but remain uncaring outside. "Answer me!" I shout. "Why did you bring me here? Why did you leave me in the car for twenty fucking minutes while you let that slut hang all over you? Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to rip the hair from her head in order to pull her away from you?"

His hips press me into the wall so that I can feel his hard-on against my abdomen. "Maybe it turns me on to piss you off," he breathes into my ear and nibbles my skin.

I gulp and grip his shoulders firmly. I know exactly what he means, because he is so fucking hot when he has a fire in his eyes that, with one look, can set fire to my body. I start panting as he trails kisses down my neck and to my collarbone before he slides his hot tongue up my throat and over my chin where he pauses at my lips.

"Open your mouth," he whispers.

I press my lips together. Fuck him, that asshole.

"No?" he chuckles and releases my hips to bring his hands up to my face. "That's fine, baby," he hums right before he uses his thumbs to pry my lips apart, and his mouth dives over mine so that his tongue can shove inside.

I gasp and moan, and my knees give out. His hips are pressed against me so tight that I don't need my legs to hold me up. His hands slide down my sides and grip my ass so that he can lift me up off the ground and wrap my legs around his waist. I cry out into his mouth and circle my arms around his neck to pull him in closer.

He pauses and pulls back slightly to stare down at me with clouded eyes. I can tell he has something on his mind that he wants to talk about, but I have no intention of listening. Not right now, not when all I can think about is his cock ramming in and out of me. Or his fingers, or his tongue, or anything he wants just as long as he fucking _touches _me there.

"Bella," he starts to slow down, "maybe we should—"

"Are you gonna fuck me or what?" I snap and catch him off guard. I don't know why I just said that, but I do want to know why the hell he's putting the brakes on things so suddenly.

He instantly drops my legs so that I fall back onto the ground and stand on my own two feet again. "Is that what this is? Is that what _I _am to you?"

I feel my blood bubble through my veins to boiling temperatures. "Don't you dare go there right now, Cullen."

_Fuck!_ I did it again! He starts to back away and I know I'm losing him.

"You know what? I'm not into it anymore," he shrugs.

I shake my head and call his bluff, "Oh, really?" I knock him back a few steps, so that he's the one pushed up against the wall now. To prove my point, I grab his dick in my hand through his jeans. "Cause your cock is contradicting your mouth, baby."

He chuckles, but not because he thinks I'm funny. "If you want my cock that bad, baby… all you had to do was ask."

I yank my hand back and step away from him. "I want it," I say without blinking. "The real question here is do you want me?"

When I say this he moves forward, so that we're back where we started. Me, against the wall, with him pinning me there. I love it. He knows I do. He presses into me harder and I gasp at how amazing it feels to have his body against mine.

His mouth is at my ear, whispering, "Yeah, I do want you. Right here, against this wall. Or maybe right in the middle of the room, so everyone can watch and hear you cry out my name and tell me how much you love me inside you…"

I shiver at his words.

"And I'll do it," he promises and slides a hand between my breasts and down my chest. "I'll go fast when you want it fast, slow when you want it slow… I'll fuck you hard, and I'll take my time. I'll fill you until you pass out, Bella. I'll do whatever it is you want me to."

I gulp. _Oh__,__ God._

"But," his hand covers mine and guides our fingers up under my own dress, to the wetness between my thighs, "I want you to touch yourself and imagine it's me first, before I ever make you come again." He removes his hand and backs away.

I'm panting so hard I struggle to catch my breath. He's driving me absolutely insane with lust. So much so that I nod my head, agreeing to his terms. Pleased with my total submission, he gently takes me by the wrist and guides us out of the house and back to his car. I ask him where we're going and he tells me to be patient. But I can't, not when I'm as worked up as I am. I won't make it; I feel like I'm going to explode. I start to beg him to pull over, it's dark, no one will see us.

"You're really fucking serious, aren't you?" he stares over at me incredulously as I nod my head vigorously. He stares at me for two more seconds then says, "Fuck it," and flips the car around and peels out down the road from the house we just left. He pulls into a wooded area, sets the car in park, and without another word, I'm on my back in the backseat.

I cry out in surprise and then moan when he slides his hands upward from my hips to wrap his fingers around my breasts. "I will ask you one time, Bella. One time only," he breathes heavily against my lips and then his hands are cupping my face, "understand?"

I nod my head and stare up into his eyes, my chest heaving against his ribcage.

He snickers and runs his nose up the right side of my face then pauses at my ear. "Do you really want me to fuck you in my car?"

I shiver at the way he hisses out his words against my face. I should really think about this, I know I should. I'm about to lose something that is kind of a big fucking deal. I know I want Edward to be the one I lose it to, but I don't know if this is the particular setting I want. I blink and turn my face so that he'll pull back a bit, so that I can see his eyes again. They're lidded, heavy with lust and clouded with alcohol and whatever he did in that room before I walked inside.

My hand reaches up on its own accord and touches his face—he leans into it and nips at my thumb with his teeth. I gasp and clear my throat. "Edward," I whisper, and his eyes whip back to mine, "I…" I gulp nervously, "I don't know?"

His entire body tenses. "It's okay," his reply sounds strained. "We don't have to do that here, I'll take you home and…" he presses the full weight of his body down onto mine. "I'll take you on my bed, would you like that, baby?"

It's cold and there is a chill in the air that blows against the car, and I shiver despite the fact that Edward's body is sizzling hot. No, I mean that _literally. _I pull him closer to me and angle my head back to give him better access to my neck. His mouth is open against my pulse point and his teeth grip my skin as his tongue licks upward, and when he comes back down he sucks. I'll have marks come tomorrow morning, but right now I just can't seem to care.

"Yeah," I whimper my answer to him.

His hair is soft and a bit greasy when I run my fingers through it and pull at the ends. I'm breathing hard, and he's breathing harder, and his hands are starting to explore my body in lower regions. I whine and wiggle when his left hand slides between my thighs and slowly pries them apart so that my knees open wider and he settles down there, right on top of where I want him so badly. I'm wet, I'm hot, I'm running out of breath.

I want him.

He groans when I raise my hips a bit so that I can rub myself against his jeans. I want them off, but I don't want to be too forward. I don't know what I'm doing; I only know what I want. He starts to whisper things in my ear and across my neck and over my collarbone. Words like _you're so soft_, and _Go__dd__amn, I want you so bad_, and _I'm sorry._

What is he sorry for? I don't ask him. I don't have time to—he pulls back and rises up to his knees and shrugs out of his jacket and pulls his shirt over his head. His body is something that sucks the air from my lungs and makes me rub my thighs together. I want to touch him and lick each and every well-toned muscle on his torso. Then I think to myself, why the hell not? I push up on my elbows and get onto my own knees in front of him and press my mouth at his neck while my hands travel up from his navel to his shoulders.

"I don't," I whisper hesitantly, "I don't know what I'm doing." I slick my tongue up under his chin and then exhale over the skin I've wet with my mouth so that he shivers at the sensation. "So, you have to tell me," I look up at him. "Tell me what you want."

"You," he grabs my wrists to stop them from grabbing his hair, "I just want you."

I nod, "You have me."

He shakes his head with a small laugh, "No, I don't." His hands release my wrists and slink to my waist. "But I will," he chuckles and slips one hand underneath the skirt of my dress, right up to my panties, where he slides a single finger back and forth along my slit. Then Edward leans in closer and whispers, "I may not get what I want tonight, but I promise you, Isabella Swan…" his fingers tease me. "When I do? I'll make you beg for it until you cry, and then I'll take what's always been mine."

I moan and slump forward into his chest, my arms circling his neck, and my face buries in his shoulder while I rock against his finger and beg him to add more. His other hand drags the zipper down my back and yanks the material over my head so that I'm left in just my underwear and strapless bra. It's white. I feel stupid and foolish, white panties and a matching, boring bra—how plain must he think I am?

He chuckles and I blush. I feel a finger under my chin lift my head up to look into his eyes, "You're beautiful," he kisses me once, "and sexy," twice, "and I'm the luckiest bastard right now."

I reach behind me and remove the hooks from their clasp. I throw it down to the floor of the car and grab his hands to press them against my exposed breasts. "Kiss me again," I say to him. "Harder and longer this time," I pant breathlessly.

He does as I ask, but he adds more. His tongue dominates my own and then his right hand dives into the front of my damp panties and pinches my clit so that I gasp and cry out into his mouth. I start to make sounds I never knew were possible. He uses his thumb to tease me while his index and middle finger glide inside me and pull out achingly slow before torturing me more by sliding back inside. His mouth pulls back from mine just as his fingers do and I hear a suction sound that I'm more than positive came from both places. I'm trembling before him and he's so fucking slow. His kisses are slow, his touching, his fingering—it's driving me mad!

"Stop treating me like I'm glass!" I hiss at him.

He pulls away from me and blinks in confusion, "Excuse me?"

"I'm not some prissy little girl, Edward. I want you to _fuck me_," I snap angrily. I no longer want to wait; I want him now. Here—in the fucking car. I don't care anymore. "Don't tease me, you asshole. I'm not fragile. I won't break."

His eyes flash with a hint of that anger inside of him that I love to hate. It excites me and I ready myself for him to pounce, because I know he will. He always does.

"Don't," he responds with a scowl.

"Don't what?" I challenge him. "Insult your skills?"

"I'm warning you, Bella. I am trying really fucking hard to restrain myself right now. I don't want to hurt you," he tries to soften his words by touching my cheek.

I rip his hand down to my mouth and bite down onto his knuckles—_hard_. He hisses, and I know it excites him because he groans and clenches his jaw and eyes shut tight.

"We shouldn't be here," he whispers. "I shouldn't have brought you here—_fuck!_" he shouts out into the car angrily. "Why do you always have to change my plans?" His hands grip my shoulders painfully. "I don't want this to happen like this, okay? I'm…" He lets me go and rubs a hand over his face, "I'm fucked up right now. I'm high and I…" he looks over at me again.

I'm sure he's at war with himself right now—I can see him fighting behind those green eyes of his. But whatever morals he was hanging onto fades out. "Fuck it," he grunts and lunges for me again.

I squeal in surprise and then laugh as he playfully wrestles me back down so that he hovers over me again. "I warned you," he grins.

I bite my lip and he leans over to steal it from my teeth with his own. We start to kiss again, soft then passionate and hot, and I lose myself. Then he grabs my hand and puts it between my legs.

"Remember what I told you earlier?" he teases me with my own fingers. I whimper and gasp at the erotic sensation of him guiding my own hand against my sex. "I'm not going to make you come until you do it yourself." He lets go of my hand and it lingers over my soaked panties. "Do it, Bella," he coaxes me, "touch yourself how you want me to do it. Tell me how you want me to touch you."

I shake my head, embarrassed. "Edward," I pant and try to reach for him, but he stops me.

"Bella," his tone is a warning. I watch him slide my underwear down my hips and he grabs my legs to bend and push them into my chest so that he can slip the cotton free. "Do it for me," he kisses each of my ankles and then leans over to blow against my highly aroused lady parts. "I'll kiss you here," he gives me one quick lick and I buck my hips upward like a fucking bronco.

"Fuck!" I cry out in surprise. "Oh, my God, do it again. Please, Edward… please do it again," I beg him.

He grabs my hands and puts them right where I want his mouth. "I'll make it easy for you," he chuckles and sits back.

I watch him curiously, my chest heaving and my body on fire. He crooks a finger at me, and when I sit up, he pulls me into his lap. I want him naked, just like I am now, but he keeps his jeans on and pulls me so that my chest presses against his. He gives my mouth one slight kiss and then bends his legs and tilts me to rest my back against his knees. He has a perfect view of my naked body, and I know right then what he wants. He has a front row seat to the major motion picture of what lies between my open legs.

I start to lose my courage. I don't feel as drunk and brave as I did before. My knees start to gravitate toward each other in an attempt to cover myself. My arms wrap across my chest and I close my eyes and shake my head.

"Don't do that," he snaps and yanks my arms from my body. "Don't hide from me—_ever_."

"Kiss me," I whisper.

He raises his chin and I lean down to press my lips against his. His tongue slips out and slides into my mouth, teasing me deliciously. "Don't be shy," he breathes and takes my hands into his, "you're sexy, and so fucking beautiful. You know that, Bella. You _know _that."

I don't. I really don't. But I don't admit to it. I know I'm not ugly, but I'm nowhere near what he thinks I am. Why is this so different with him? I've let two other guys before Edward touch me and I hadn't been the prude I am right now. Why is Edward so different?

I feel the pass of his thumb over my clit and jerk into it on reflect. I gasp and press my forehead against his. I let him take my hand and put it where he'd touched me. He slides one of my fingers up and down my slit and then teases me with his thumb again. My breath hitches in my lungs.

"You're not ready yet," he says, and it sounds like he's talking more to himself than to me. I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of him touching me.

"That's fine," he licks his lips and dips in a finger and _yes! Yes! Yes!_ My body starts shaking and trembling, and my stomach muscles are tightening. I feel a coil inside of me start to unravel, and right when I don't think it can get any better than this, he comes in close, and with his lips on my right ear, he says, "Whose is it, baby?"

I pant into his neck, and lick him and kiss him, and bite and suck his skin. I want to mark him as mine, so no other girl will touch him ever again. _Mine_. I'm possessive when I want something, and I'll do anything to keep it. His fingers wiggle inside of me, and I know he wants to hear me say it's his, that I'm his and only his… but I can't. I can't even find the words to tell him how good it feels to have him touch me like this. There are no words in the English dictionary—possibly not in any language, for that matter.

"Bella," he breathes as I wither on top of him, "baby, listen to me…"

I nod my head. I can't speak—I can barely comprehend that I'm alive right now. Then his fingers stop, but they're still inside me, and I'm confused because—_DON'T FUCKING STOP!_

"Bella," he says firmly. It makes me shiver at how aggressive he sounds all of the sudden. I pull back slightly to look at him and he moves forward to suck my bottom lip between his teeth. I start to move against his fingers because I want him to start moving them like he was before. But when I do that, he takes them away.

"Edward," I finally manage to say, and it's shaky and barely audible. "Don't stop."

He chuckles and sucks my tongue before pulling his mouth away with a loud pop. He puts his hand back where it was, rubs against my highly sensitive clit, and when I buck forward, he says into my ear, "Fuck my fingers, Bella."

I'm so wrapped up in him and the moment that I do as he asks. I place my hands onto his shoulders and my forehead against his. I start to move my body against him, and every time I pull up, his thumb slides up and down over my _oh fuck!_ button. I now call my clit my _oh fuck!_ button based solely on the fact that every time he touches it, I shout…

"_Oh fuck!"_ I whimper and move faster just as he pumps his fingers in and out of me more rapidly. He knows exactly what to do to send me straight over the edge until I'm nothing but a withering mess in his arms.

Sweat-slick bodies pressed together, I slide my chest against his and my nipples pebble. He pushes me back and takes one into his mouth. I gasp when his teeth pull and he moves on to do the same to the other one. I reach my hands down to the zipper on his pants and he stops me.

"Tonight was about you, Bella," he shakes his head.

I know he wants me to touch him. I _want _to touch him. I nuzzle my nose against his and slip my hand into his pants to wrap my fingers around his cock.

"If it's about me, then let me do what I want…" I purr into his chin and nip his bottom lip with my teeth.

He shudders and allows me to pop the button on his jeans and pull the zipper down.

-x-

My skin feel like it has electric currents cracking all over it and I'm afraid to touch anything in case I get shocked. I have a goofy grin I keep trying to hide by biting onto my bottom lip, but every time I do, Edward reaches over and pulls it free with his thumb. Whenever he does this, I blush and have to look away from him so that I can try to convince my body to chill the fuck out.

As much as I love this euphoric feeling of contentment, I know I need to reel it in and lock it up. I'm not stupid, I know what kind of guy Edward is. If Jake is the one you take home to mom, and Royce is the one you _hide _from your mom, then Edward is caught someone in between. However, his reputation precedes him and, therefore, I know what I have to do. I'm fine with it because I'm not attached. I'm really not. I'm not at all… _attached._

If there is one thing Rosalie has drilled into my head, it's that I should _never _let my guard down around a guy like Edward—the sexy, devil-may-care bad boy with a killer grin and bangin' body. Boys like this leave a trail of broken hearts, and I will not be added to the pile. He got what he wanted, I got what I wanted, we're done. I have no expectations beyond this point. No attachments.

We near my house and I immediately feel myself clam up. When he turns onto my street, I take a deep breath and hold it. I'm attached. I'm so fucking attached that I literally find myself digging my fingers into his leather seats. I don't want to step outside this car, because then it's over. Our time together, this night, our moment… is over. I'm not ready for that.

The car slows to a stop outside my house, the light in my bedroom is on, and Rosalie's Mercedes is double parked behind my Volvo in the driveway. Dad's cruiser is beside our vehicles, so I know he's home, but it's late, so he's asleep. I don't look forward to the conversation I'm sure to have when I walk inside my room and see Rose.

Edward's car purrs like a lion while I sit in my seat, hesitating to move a single solitary muscle, like a little baby lamb. I'm nervous. What happens now? Do I keep up my usual nonchalant attitude and wave goodbye as I slip outside? Do I tell him I had a nice time and I'll see him around? Do I hug him when I leave? Will he kiss me? Will he—

"_Hey_," his hand on my knee draws me away from my thoughts, "don't shut down on me now, Bella. I can see it on your face that you're already distancing yourself." His hand goes from my knee to my chin, "Look at me," he demands and turns my face. "It is what it is. Don't try to define it, just go with it."

I lean into his hand and graze his thumb with my teeth and lips. His eyes close as I do this, and when I stop, I kiss his palm. "This is a bad idea," I whisper into his hand.

He grins and leans in closer, "Oh, yeah, definitely. A horrible idea," he agrees and swoops down to capture my lips with his.

We stay locked in that position for only God knows how long before Rosalie is flipping the lights on and off from inside my room. "That's my cue," I reply against his mouth and press my lips against his two more times before I pull away, ready to slip outside.

"Wait," he stalls and jerks me back inside. His hands go to either side of my face as he draws me in to press our foreheads together. "Tell me you'll miss me," he whispers.

I gulp and nod my head, "I will," I reply honestly, "I'll miss you."

He chuckles softly, "Me, too."

He steals one last kiss before I pull away and leave his car. I do it quickly, so that I'm not tempted to stay. My heels hang from my fingers as I walk up to my house, and Edward waits until I'm at the door before he puts his car in drive again. I smirk at him over my shoulder and blush while he winks and drives off down the road. I enter the house with a skip in my step and it feels as if I float up the stairs instead of climb them. I want to twirl into my room and flutter my lashes so that Rosalie asks me what's the matter with me and all I can say is…

"_I'm in LIKE with Edward Cullen!_"

"Wh—I—you…" Rose stares across the room at me from her spot on my bed and blinks silently with her mouth agape.

I chuckle and shut the door behind me, "Come again?"

"Please tell me you're joking," she replies with total seriousness. In response, I just stand there are stare at her without uttering a single word. "Oh, my God," she whispers and covers her face with her hands. "You're not joking..." she groans into her hands.

I walk over to the bed and turn around so she can unzip me, then I let the damn thing fall to the floor and kick it to the side of the room. "Can you please just be my friend right now and not my mother?" I sigh as I dress into a pair of gray yoga pants and an oversized black shirt.

A war of emotions plays across her face as she hesitates to choose a side. I sigh and push myself underneath the covers on the right side of my bed. Rose remains quiet at the end of the bed and I roll my eyes with a huff and turn the bedside light off. Darkness covers the room like a blanket and that's when I hear the slow exhale of breath coming from Rose.

"I'm sorry," she joins me under the covers. "Tell me what happened? Wait," she pauses with a nervous look in her eyes, "you guys didn't… right?"

I bite my bottom lip and giggle, because for some weird ass reason, I can't stop doing that. "Have sex?" I tease her.

"_Bella!_" she shrieks.

"_Shhh!_" I glare at her. "My Dad is asleep you know. Gosh, Rosalie! "

Her mouth closes, but her eyes are loud with what I know she wants to say. I shake my head and turn to give her my back. "No, we did not have sex. But we will," I glare at her. "I've already decided."

She sighs, "Was this _your_ decision or _his?_"

"Why do you do that?" I shake my head at her in confusion. "You go back and forth on your opinion of him depending on how I feel about him. If I'm done with him, you're on his side. If I like him, you're on the defense. What the hell, Rose?"

"I don't know, okay?" she says into her hands. "I just… I'm scared you'll end up like me."

"I won't," I place a hand on her arm. "I hate that this has happened to you, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen to me if I…" I shrug. "If I decide I want something with Edward."

"So, now he's _Edward_, huh?" she grimaces.

"He's always been Edward, Rose. Please be happy for me. I'm scared to let myself go around him, but… I really, _really _want to." I blink away the sting in my eyes. "I'm tired of fighting how I feel about him. I like him—_a lot_. I know he likes me, too. Just like I know I want him to be the one that I… you know."

"It's not that I'm not happy for you," she starts. "I'm just surprised. I mean," she shrugs slightly, "I guess I thought you would have wanted it to be more…" her lips purse, "special?"

I twist around so that my face is to ceiling and close my eyes. "It _will be _special, Rose. I don't care where it happens, just as long as it's with him."

"Okay, I'm sorry," her voice turns soft. "Bella, will you please look at me?"

I roll my head in her direction.

"I'm sorry," she says again, more serious.

"It's fine," I tell her.

"I promise to be more open-minded when it comes to you and Cullen." She rolls onto her side and looks at me. "So, what happened when you left with him?"

I tell her. _Everything_. When I get to the nasty parts, I paraphrase, but she's Rosalie and she demands I tell her all the gory details. I have no idea why I even bothered to censor myself. She sighs and shakes her head with a small laugh after I tell her Edward and I told each other we'd miss the other.

"You're so fucked," she groans and turns into her pillow.

"Rosalie!" I smack her butt. "You promised!"

She yelps and rubs her behind where I hit her. "Geez, Bell, that really hurt, you bitch!" She pinches my side until I scream, and she clamps her hand over my mouth and we both lie there without moving as we strain our ears to listen if my dad's woken up.

After a few silent seconds, I smack her hand away from my mouth and then scoot away from her. "So uncalled for!" I whisper-shout at her.

She sticks her tongue out at me and rolls her eyes. "Whatever," she snorts and settles down into the covers again. "So, you and Cullen…" she shakes her head with a small smile. "Now I've seen everything."

"You're so dramatic," I sneer and curl onto my side to face her.

She reaches out and curls my hair behind my ear, "Just be careful, Bell. Promise me."

I nod my head. "I promise."

Her lips curve into a small smile, "But if he does anything to hurt you, I'm getting Emmett to kick his ass."

She holds out her pinky and I link mine with hers.

We fall asleep like that.

-x-

I expect a lot of things to happen when I wake up the next morning after what happened last night. I expect so many things, in fact, that I'm not at all surprised when they happen in rapid succession. I am surprised, however, at the order in which they occur.

Like my Dad being the first person I see when I open my eyes that morning. My heart fucking stops in my chest as I stare up at him like a deer caught in headlights. I feel like at any second he's going to rip me out of the bed and shake me while yelling that he '_knows what I did last night.__' _

I start to breathe heavily and he grimaces in concern and asks if I'm okay.

"F-fine," I stutter and sit up while bringing the covers with me to cover every inch of visible skin on my body. Skin that Edward Cullen has touched and seared and lingers all over.

Rosalie stirs beside me but does not wake.

"Um," I swallow with a dry throat, "w-why did you wake me up?"

He sighs, "Just wanted to let you know that I won't be home until late tonight. I left you some money on the kitchen table for food or whatever you need."

I feel my entire body relax, "Thanks, Dad."

He pats the top of my head and stares into my eyes, "One more thing?"

My body tenses up again.

"That Cullen kid is outside asking for you," he frowns. "I don't like that boy all too much. So, I hope you know what you're doing, Bells."

I gulp and nod my head, "Of course..."

_Not._

-x-

_**love and hate get it wrong  
>she cut me right back down to size<br>sleep the day let it fade  
>who was there to take your place<br>no one knows never will  
>mostly me but mostly you<br>what do you say do you do  
>when it all comes down<strong>_

_**cause I don't want to come back down from this cloud  
>it's taken me all this time to find out what I need yeah<br>I don't want to come back down from this cloud  
>taken me all this time to find out what I need<strong>_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Comedown _by_ Bush_.

If this song doesn't give you flashbacks then I shall have to call for backup. I'm gonna need help pulling that rock up that you're hiding under! This song was featured on one of my top ten movies of all time. NAME THAT MOVIE! (and win a sneak peak of next week's chapter!)

If you have a song that makes you think of this story, share it with me.

I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, and **Typokween Writes** on Facebook. Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P

**TK's FRIDAY FIC REC**: _There is a Light_ by _Belladonna Cullen—new chonies needed!_

In response to last week's random Q: Super excited I have some_ Forwood_ readers!

**See you next Friday!**


	17. Strength In Numbers

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

_**Beware, I'm in an A/N mood today (I usually despise long AN's so I'm being very hypocritical right now).**_

**SHOUT OUTS—**_**Jess: **__Fuck 'em, you're better off. Cause—everyday I'm_ _tumblring!__** DarlingSaila: **__I promise, after ch. 20… no more mumbles, scoffs, or plural adverbs! Hehe. __**PAWsPeaches:**__ I can't wait to see DRIVE this weekend!__** Suzie55:**__ My Latte is cold. I need to hold it while I look at my desktop since I grow hot whenever I do… __**Bleriana: **__*secret wink* you know why—and my fingers are still crossed for the job. __**SexiLexiCullen:**__ you have ruined me! You will see why in my a/n at the bottom… __**Everyone: **_Thank you to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic.

**The actual amount of thanks you I have to give is no longer able to fit up here!**

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That crucial moment when…_ that bulb over your head lights up.

**Ch. 17:** _Strength In Numbers_

I have to ask my dad to repeat himself two more times before I finally comprehend what he's said. Why is Edward outside my house at seven in the morning? Dad gives me another subtle 'warning' against Edward before he leaves, and I sit in bed with a snoring Rosalie for another five minutes in total silence.

Why is he here? Does he regret what happened last night? Or is he here to propose marriage to me? Either way, I'm not ready to deal with it. I want to shake Rose awake, but she hasn't been sleeping well lately and I don't want to break her current REM cycle. I can handle this on my own anyway, I'm a big girl, and it's what big girls do.

Especially big girls who were big enough to decide they were ready to lose their v-card the night before… I blush profusely at this thought and stumble downstairs to open the front door.

"_Heyyyy_," I draw the word out to an empty porch and pause. My eyes dart right to left and, yes, it's confirmed—there is no Edward in sight. I take a step outside to see if I can spot his car anywhere, and of course I see nothing of the sort. With a frown etched across my face, I head back inside and up to my room where I grab my phone and check for messages.

There are none.

_Where did u go? _I text him and cuddle under the covers in my bed. Sleep starts to snake its arms around me again and soon after I text Edward, I'm asleep.

-x-

The next time I open my eyes, Rosalie is tapping away on my laptop beside me in bed. I rub the blur of sleep from my eyes and roll over to see what she's doing. She's writing an email. To her parents. About the belly bean.

"Are you crazy?" I yelp and slam the laptop shut. "You can't tell them you're pregnant through email!"

She grits her teeth angrily. "Well, they're not here, and they won't answer their phones or return my messages. What else do you think I should do, Bella? Fly across country to find them?"

I groan and bury my face in my pillow, "There has to be a better way."

"There isn't; I tried. This is my last option, and I promised your dad I would tell them soon so… that's what I'm doing." She opens the laptop and presses the _send _button.

"You okay?" I place my hand onto her arm.

She nods and closes her eyes. "I'm fine."

I in no way believe her. I sit up in bed and pull her to my side. "Let's do something fun today," I propose with a smirk.

"Like what?" she mutters, uninterested, and sets my laptop down onto the floor beside the bed.

I chew my lip as I contemplate our minimal options. If I suggest shopping, she'll complain about her growing waistline. If I say the movies, she'll say there's nothing good playing. So I go with the simplest solution.

"Like a picnic at our spot," I squeeze her hand and roll out of bed to get ready. My eyes flash to my phone, and without another thought, I'm checking to see if Edward's responded. He hasn't. I frown, and my change in spirits draws Rosalie's attention.

"What is it?" she asks kindly.

I shrug, "Nothing. It's just… well, my dad said that Edward was here earlier, but when I went outside, he wasn't there. I texted him and haven't gotten a reply back. I don't…" I pause and set my phone down. "I don't know what's going on in his head right now. I think he regrets what happened last night."

"Trust me, Bell," Rose crawls across the bed on her knees to grab my hand, "he far from regrets what happened."

I grimace in thought. "Then why was he here earlier? Why won't he text me back?"

"Give him time," she pats the top of my hand and lets go. "Now take a shower, and don't use up all the hot water. I'm looking forward to that picnic," she winks.

I fake a smile that seems to convince her and head into the bathroom to wash away the feeling of being blown off. I knew it would happen. It _always _happens when girls start to fall—it's like guys have a sixth sense about it and quickly bail. I expect that from a _guy. _It's what they do.

I just never thought Edward would end up being _that guy_.

-x-

It's peaceful here with Rose.

Both of us are laid out side by side on a blanket with our faces toward the sky. The breeze feels great against my skin, and the sun is even out a bit. It barely pokes through the clouds, but it's enough just knowing that it's there. I sometimes wonder if the sun has forsaken Forks due to the constant cloud cover.

"You think your dad would really let me stay over if my parents kick me out?" Rose responds with a Twizzler held between her teeth.

I sigh and grab my own Twizzler from the open bag between us and start to nibble. "Yeah," is my genius reply.

"You think my parents will really kick me out, though? I mean, come on," she huffs, "I'm their freaking child; I made a mistake. It's not like I purposely set out for this to happen."

By the tone of her voice, I know it's not rhetorical, so I keep my mouth occupied with my Twizzler instead of answering her. She doesn't want me to answer her anyway, she's venting. I'm letting her vent. As she's ranting out loud concerning a fate she has no idea about, I contemplate my next move with Cullen. No way will I let this go. He cannot make me admit to my feelings and then ignore me. Not _him_. Not _Edward_.

I expect that from _Cullen_, but not from _Edward_. The guy is schizophrenic, I swear. I groan and close my eyes to block out the cotton puffs above me.

What the hell do I do now? I can't go to Jacob, I'll get a big fat 'I told you so,' and it will start problems between Jake and Edward. I can't complain to Rose either, because her problems are way worse than mine. I just wish I had an off switch in my head.

"Bella," Rose nudges me. "Bella!"

I flinch and fly upright, "What?"

I watch her pretty violet eyes roll in annoyance and point to where my phone is buzzing. Now, I want to say that I did not snatch that baby up like it was the elixir of eternal life, but that would be a big fat lie. I need to work on that honesty thing, so, yes, I seized my phone and immediately answered without even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" my voice sounds exactly how I feel: anxious and afraid.

"Hey," Edward's soft and smooth voice greets me. "What are you doing?"

His calm, cool, and casual tone throws me off a bit.

"U-um, hanging out with Rosalie."

"That's cool," he says with a distracted sigh. "So, ah… when am I going to see you again?"

I blush and try to hide a girly smile from Rose, who is staring at me with an odd expression on her face. The confused glint in her eyes prompts me to remember that I'm supposed to be mad at Edward for ignoring me all morning. I can't believe I was so willing to forget everything at the sound of his voice!

"Where were you this morning? My dad said you were at my house, but then you disappeared and ignored me all morning. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?" I turn away from Rose's prying eyes. "I thought you changed your mind and you were blowing me off," I hiss at him quietly.

"What? No," he snaps angrily. "How could you even think that?"

"I don't know, maybe because you took off without telling me this morning, and then ignored me when I tried to contact you on your phone?" I can feel myself gearing up for a fight; I don't want that. I want to talk in whispered tones and giggle and blush when he says something dirty. It's not supposed to be like this after what happened last night.

"Look, about this morning," he pauses, and I can almost see him running his fingers through his hair, "something came up and I had to bail. I just now barely had time to breathe, all right? Is that okay with you?" he spits out the last question spitefully. "Or am I supposed to check in with you every five fucking minutes?"

A slight intake of breath on my side makes him reconsider his attitude.

"_Shit_," he grumbles to himself. "Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I've had a shitty day and I just needed to hear your voice. Where are you? I need to see you, Bella."

I'm confused as to whom exactly it is that I'm talking to at the moment. Cullen or Edward? Which side of him will I get if I allow him to see me? Sensing my hesitation, he immediately starts to change the tone of his voice and chooses every word he says next very carefully.

"I'll explain everything when I see you," he says, and I hear him start up his car. "I'll be at your house in twenty minutes, okay?"

I grimace, "Edward, no…" I don't want to ditch Rosalie when she needs me, which right now she definitely does.

But it's as if he doesn't even hear me. "Hey, I got a call on the other line. I'll see you in a few," he shouts over the roar of his engine and then hangs up.

Jackass.

I frown and look over at Rosalie with apologetic eyes. She rolls her lavender at me in return and pushes up to her feet.

"All right, let's go," she holds a hand out to help me up.

"We don't have to," I say, and the minute the words leave my mouth, I know they're not true.

She shrugs, "It's fine. I need to go home and shower anyway."

"Rose," I chew my lip, "I don't want to leave you alone like this."

She worries her bottom lip with her teeth, too, and blinks down at me somberly, "Then don't."

But we both know I will.

-x-

For a moment before I step outside the car, I stop to think about what it means. I feel as if I'm at a crossroads—one side is Rose, the other is Cullen. Things between him and me are so new that I don't want to do anything to ruin it. However, Rosalie is best friend, and I know she'd never leave me behind. _Ever_. No way can I just take off when she needs me. She _needs _me.

"Wait," I grab her wrist when she moves to leave my car.

Her brow rises curiously and I slump down into my seat. "No," I shake my head.

"No?" she repeats, confused.

I can't control the guilt that I feel inside of me right now, it's so overpowering that I feel I have to make up for it. "I'm not leaving you," I say with certainty.

Her face softens. "It's cool, I promise." She looks entirely sincere as she rubs a hand up and down my arm affectionately. "I'll be fine. I probably won't even hear from my parents until next week anyway. _That's _when I'll really need you. Okay?"

I gulp and nod my head. "If you're sure…"

A laugh escapes past her lips as she smacks my shoulder playfully. "Chill out, bitch. I'm fine! Go and have fun with your new boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," I'm quick to correct. "At least, I don't think he is. We both agreed to just… let whatever this is between us happen. No rushing, and no labeling. It's a slow burn," I smirk as I repeat a phrase from out of Cullen's book.

She squeezes my hand and forces a smile, "Just be happy, Bella. I want nothing more than that for you."

"You, too, Rose." I lift my lips into a smile of my own. "No matter what." I dip my head when she drops her gaze. "Okay?"

Her head nods, but I'm suspicious. She doesn't look happy, nor does she look like she plans to be anytime soon. I hate the brooding aura about her; it's not like her. It freaks me out. I usually depend on her to turn things around, but now it's my turn—and I have _no_ idea where to start.

At the sound of a car honking, Rose takes her leave and slips outside quickly. I step out to follow her, but pause because she's already opening her car door. With a wave goodbye, she hops inside and leaves without another word or gesture. I feel a surge of guilt wash over me as I stumble over to where Edward is waiting for me.

"Hey," I smile once I'm inside the Impala.

His response is to launch himself over to my side of the car and crash his mouth against mine. I yelp in surprise but quickly loosen up into his embrace. His lips are soft; his breath is warm and tastes of cinnamon. I can smell cigarettes and weed on him mixed with cologne on. His hands grab me everywhere as if to test that I'm really there with him.

"Edward," I sigh against his lips just as my back slips down the car door and onto the leather seats that feel cool against my burning skin. "Edward, wait," I gasp and just then he decides to slide a hand up my shirt to palm my left tit very firmly until I squeak, and then he dips beneath the cup of my bra to pinch the tip of my aroused nipple.

"Not right now," he breathes into my mouth and lifts my body up with his so that I'm now in his lap. "I just… I need you…" he groans as I instinctively grind myself down to feel his hard cock through his jeans.

_God _it feels so good to be able to touch him like this, to have him touch _me _like this.

With my hands on his shoulders and my head bent down to his, we kiss and he grinds up into me until I feel like I'm going to go insane. The spot between my thighs is heated and wet and every time we rub together he grunts and I whimper. His hands squeeze my ass and I moan and lift my chin so he can suck on the skin of my neck. Edward's mouth is frantic—he licks, sucks and nips at me wherever he can. I love it. He knows I do, because every time I feel his teeth on my skin I moan and he flicks his tongue over the red flesh his bite leaves behind.

I feel euphoric. I feel like I'm in the center of a fire and his hands and mouth are the flames. I'm lost. I'm falling. I'm not even in my right mind and before I know it, he pops my jeans open and plunges his hand inside to cup my heat.

"Tell me you want me," he whispers in my ear while he slides a finger up and down my slit, right over my panties. "I need you to tell me how much you want me," he groans lustfully, "because I want you so fucking bad…" He applies more pressure to his stroking and pushes aside the cloth blocking where I want him, and where he wants to be.

"Edward!" I cry out and whimper into his shoulder.

His hips rise up to grind against me while his fingers continues to tease. "Bella," he exhales my name like smoke, "_fuck_, you make everything else go away."

"You too," I pant back truthfully and slide my fingers through his wild hair. I slow down my side of the kissing until he finally takes a deep breath and then buries his face in the crook of my neck. I can feel his heart banging away inside his chest against my own frenzied heartbeat.

"Edward?" I start softly. "What's wrong?"

He shakes his head, "It's nothing," and rubs the side of his face against mine.

I pull back an inch to look into his eyes, "Tell me."

"Come home with me," he stares back at me.

I blink. "What?"

"Stay the night with me," he pushes the hair from my face with his hands on either side. "I've had a shitty day, and I need something good in my life. Stay with me?"

My eyes search his for any sign of playfulness, but all I see is anxious necessity in them. It's all over his face and in his tense muscles. He needs something… someone… _me_. I feel an intense fear wash over me to see him staring back at me like he is. Like I'm the one thing in the world he needs right now. He doesn't even know me; I don't even know him. This is insane.

"Okay," I whisper before I can rationalize that I've lost my damn mind. "I can tell my dad I'm staying with Rose. She'll cover for me."

He nods, "Yeah, okay. Good."

I push the hair from his forehead and lean in to press mine against his. "Will you tell me what's wrong if I stay with you?"

His hands tense up at my hips. He gulps slowly and closes his eyes to block me out. "I don't…" His eyes open, "I can't…" He pauses, and I draw back and tilt my head in wait. He takes my face between his hands and pulls me back to him to press our lips together. "Not tonight, okay? I just want to forget everything and be with you—_only you_."

It hurts something inside of me to think that he's not comfortable enough with me to tell me what's wrong. Because I know something is wrong. The tone of his voice earlier was off—he was edgy and he'd snapped at me. I don't want that to become a habit, but I don't want to complain or he'll think I'm whining. I don't want to be _that_ girl.

But I don't want to be a doormat either.

"What's wrong?" he asks me and gently pushes my hair behind my ears. "Are you okay with staying with me? I mean," he gulps, "if you don't want to, you don't have to."

"Edward," I sigh and give him a quick kiss, "shut up."

He laughs softly and I slide from his lap to run up to my room and grab an overnight bag. As I enter the house, it's quiet and I pause to take a look around. It feels as though the house is berating me in a silent stare down. As if it's disappointed in me, because despite my partying and drinking and smoking and recent sexual escapades, I've never lied to my dad before. If I'm going to a party, I tell him I'm going to a party. He knows what happens at parties—he's broken almost all of them up before—but he also knows I'm not a complete moron and I would never drink and drive, or get into a car with someone who's been drinking. At least until I met Cullen.

Now I have a feeling the lies will run rampant.

In my room I grab my cheerleading duffel bag and throw things inside it that I think I'll need tonight: clean clothes, underwear, toiletries, makeup—no, I toss that out—hair brush. I pause when I grab my pajamas. They're boring but comfortable; the opposite of sexy. Do I _want _to look sexy? What will happen tonight? We'll be in a bed together. Will we have sex? Do I _want _to have sex?

My phone chirps and I jump out of my skin and squeak in surprise. Dropping my plain PJs back onto my bed, I pull my phone out and see a text from Rose.

_Still no response from them. I'm bored._

I nibble my lip and type out a reply: _Don't think about it. Call Em and go to a movie. BTW, I need a favor…_

I start searching my dresser drawers for more suitable attire to wear to bed. I have nothing to wear. Maybe I'll sleep naked. I snort, yeah, right. My phone beeps. It's Rose again.

_Since ur a ditcher, I actually mite do that w/Em. What favor?_

_Cover for me when I tell Dad Im staying w/u tonite?_

I decide on a pair of shorts and a tank top. It's fucking cold out, and I'll probably freeze my tits off, but at least it'll be an excuse to cuddle with Edward. I don't care if he's not a cuddler, I _will _have those arms wrapped around me tonight.

Rose texts back: _U O me._ Another text, she adds: _have fun w/Cullen, skank._

I roll my eyes and smirk as I tuck my phone back into my pocket. This is why I love Rosalie so much. She always gets it. She may not always agree with me, but she gets me. She sends one more text that I receive right as I'm about to get into Edward's car.

_Wrap it up. Dont b like me._

My smile is wiped clean from my face.

-x-

We're ten minutes into the drive to La Push when Edward gets a call that has him turning to me with an apologetic look on his face. "That was Roy," he sniffs through his nose and runs a hand through his hair. "Gotta make a few stops first before we can go to my place."

I blink my eyes away from him and look forward to see him take a turn toward Port Angeles. I feel his hand on my knee and he slides it up to my thigh, then to my chin, where he gently brings my face to look at him.

"It won't be like last time, I promise." His thumb skims across my lower lip. "I'll be in and out."

My eyes narrow as I remember how long I had waited for him the last time he said he'd be quick. He wasn't. I'd waited in his damn car last night for almost an hour before I went looking for him. I don't want him out of my sight for fear of what he'd do when I wasn't looking. Would he participate in the sharing of drugs by snorting it up his nose? Would he be so wasted he'd allow some random slut to crawl all over him like he had last night?

No. I shake my head. I'm not staying behind again.

"I go inside with you or you take me home now," I stare right into his eyes as I say this. "I mean it, Edward. I'm not waiting in the car again—_ever_."

There's a slight twitch of his lips that anyone else would probably miss, but not me. I see it, and I feel my own lips twitch as well. He wants to smile, and it makes me want to smile. But I need to stay firm and keep up a good poker face. I'm unsure if he's going to crack, so I take his hand from my face and kiss his open palm. Then I kiss the inside of his wrist, and all the while my eyes are on his and his are on me, and his car is veering off to the far right.

"Edward!" I shout, and he jerks the car back into his own lane.

"Fuck!" he hollers, breathless. "You okay?" He steals a look at me and then looks at the road again.

I want to laugh, but I don't. It's funny, but it's not. We could have crashed, but we didn't. He thinks I'm going to drop the subject about staying in the car, but I won't. He expects that I'll stay and wait for him when he goes inside…

But I'm not.

-x-

His hand slips into mine and he links our fingers together as the door to apartment 402 opens up a crack to show a sliver of a man's face. I know it's man based only on the fact that I see he has a thick black beard and a bushy brow. Edward stands beside me with a bored expression and I lean into him and almost cower back a step when the man behind the door finally opens it all the way.

"Who's that?" he points at me suspiciously. "You know the rules, Cullen. No chicks."

"She's not a chick," he utters dismissively. "She's my girl. Now move the fuck out of the way so we can do this." He takes a step forward and the man with the beard shrinks back inside to let us through.

His apartment is small, but it's neat and clean, and everything looks as if it's in a definitive order. I can tell by the way his eyes dart around the room that he's checking to make sure nothing is out of place. I find out through Edward that the guy's name is Alec and he hates when people call him Al. He's 24 and he lives with his sister, Jane, who is not here right now. We can sit in the kitchen, but _never _in the living room. We can look, but don't touch.

I sit still as a statue beside Edward at the kitchen table as he and Alec discuss something about a product they refer to as _Twilight_. They talk numbers, and I grow bored and start to look around. The kitchen is plain—white walls, white counters, metal sink, white dishwasher, white cabinets… the only color in the room are the faded blue curtains above the sink. The window looks out into the complex, but the view isn't so great because the apartments are Section 8 housing.

"That's not what we discussed," Edward's voice rises up an octave.

My head whips over to look at him anxiously. He has one hand on the table in front of him and the other is a fist in his lap. I reach over slyly and attempt to uncurl it with my fingers. It takes some effort, but eventually my hand slides into his and he rubs his thumb back and forth across my knuckles while he calms down.

Alec looks nervous, but he's looked that way since we walked inside, so I don't know if Edward scares him or if he's just constantly paranoid.

"R-Royce made the deal," he stutters and stands up to pat his pockets for something.

"Here," Edward pulls his pack of cigarettes out of his jacket and tosses it at Alec, who almost drops it.

"Thanks," Alec breathes in a way that deflates his entire body. He's less tense when he draws out a tight wrapped joint from the box. I blink in surprise and watch him flick a lighter to the end and inhale as if the rolled paper is an oxygen tank.

"You good?" Edward asks as he takes his cigarette pack from Alec's outstretched hand.

Alec nods vigorously. "Yeah, I'm good." He inhales again with his eyes closed and finally sits at the table across from us once more.

"Good. Now explain to me this deal you made with Royce," Edward steers them back to the matter at hand.

Alec's knee starts to bounce up and down under the table, which we can see clearly through the glass tabletop. "You buy for ten, and sell for twenty." His face tightens as he holds in his last pull from the joint and then exhales away from us. "Aro gets thirty percent of whatever you make."

I look at Edward as he rubs his chin and stares back at Alec with a blank look on his face. "What happened to buy for five, sell for eighteen, and Aro gets nothing? I thought you supplied through James?"

Alec gulps and tenses back up again. "I no longer do business with James. Aro bought him out, and Aro wants thirty percent of whatever profit is made."

"So, let me get this straight," Edward leans forward. "Aro gets thirty percent of what I give you?" Alec nods. "And he gets thirty percent of whatever I sell?" Again, Alec nods. "So, technically, I'm only going to make a four hundred dollar profit if I sell all of the product?"

Alec starts to twitch again. "Uh…"

I start to add up the numbers in my head. How the hell did Edward do this without writing it down? I need a damn calculator.

"I highly doubt Royce agreed to this," Edward sneers. "In fact, I'm willing to bet, if I call him right now, he'll have no idea what the fuck it is you're talking about."

"Look, Cullen…" Alec stubs the roach end of the joint into a glass ashtray that's directly in the center of the table, "It's non-negotiable. Aro has a lot of pull in the business, and I'm not going to argue with a man I've never even seen before. I've heard enough about him to hope that I never do."

Edward grips my hand tighter and stands up. "We're done here."

"What?" Alec's eyes bulge. "N-n-no, no! I _have _to make this sale, Cullen. You don't understand. It's not just my ass on the line. It's yours, too."

My hand is released from the confines of Edward's firm hold as he twists around and bounds over to the table. In one swift move, he snatches the ashtray up and fires it over Alec's head to crash into the wall behind him. I flinch and Alec balls up in his chair.

"Why the _fuck _is it my ass, too? What did you do?" Edward roars from over Alec's cowering body.

The front door swings open and a petite, thin blonde with wide blue eyes enters in a bluster. "Get the hell away from my brother, Cullen! You're scaring him!" she shrieks and shoves past me to rush to Alec's side. She whispers in his ear and he nods his head but keeps his face buried in his knees.

"You asshole," Jane glares up at Edward, "this isn't my brother's fault."

"Then why is it my ass if I don't take this piece of shit offer? I didn't agree to _shit!_" he shouts back at her. "Get your brother together, Jane. I want to know what the fuck is going on, or I'm breaking shit."

"Don't threaten us, Cullen," she hisses and jumps to her feet. "If you want to know what's going on, then you need to take it up with Royce. _He's _the one who agreed to the deal. My brother had no choice, and James backed out the minute Aro took an interest in the product."

"This is bullshit," Edward growls into her face.

My nerves wreak havoc on my body as I watch Jane put on her best brave face in front of Edward. His posture is rigid, his hands balled into fists at his sides, and his jaw tensed and flexing beneath his skin. I know his eyes are seconds away from fading to black. In that moment, I remember my conversation with Jake in his car the night I told him I missed him.

_He's one intense motherfucker, Bella, and everyone will expect you to be the one to handle him when he loses his cool. Do you think you can handle that?_

Jane chooses right then to dart her gaze in my direction. I swallow the ball in my throat and take one step forward. Her eyes follow me and it makes Edward turn around as if remembering I'm even there. His face is a mask of fury—brows pulled tight, mouth set in a scowl, eyes clouded with anger…

"Edward," I say in the most even tone I can manage, "I want to go. Let's go." I take another step forward and hold out my hand. "We'll call Royce and clear this up. You don't have to give them anything. Let's just go."

He blinks at me as if what I've said was spoken in a different language. I gulp and take another step toward him, and then another and another, until I wrap both my hands around his flexed bicep. "Please, Edward," I stare up into his eyes, "I want to go."

Behind Edward's turned back, Jane slowly backs away and goes to her brother, who is still coiled up into himself like a hedgehog. I pull gently on Edward's arm and he takes one tentative step forward. I keep my gaze on his so as not to break whatever hold I have on him right now. His entire body is tensed up and ready to strike. We move slowly to the front door and both Jane and Alec say absolutely nothing as we leave without a glance in their direction.

The instant the door shuts behind me and we're standing in the hallway outside the apartment, Edward slams into me and I'm pressed up against the wall as his mouth attacks mine. I let it happen, I kiss him back, but not as passionately as he does. It's as if I'm not even there—I'm just his chosen outlet for his aggression to spill out onto. His hands are rough, his teeth bite, and his hips press into me so hard it hurts.

"Edward," I press my hands against his chest and gently start to push, "you're hurting me."

He's breathless as he pulls back only slightly enough to stare into my eyes. "I know, I'm sorry," he says with his chest heaving. "I just… _fuck!" _he shouts out into the hall and wrenches himself away from me until his back hits the opposite wall.

I take a step toward him and his hand flies up. "Stop," his voice is firm, and the underlining warning in his tone has me complying almost immediately. "Give me a second," he explains and takes a deep breath to calm his emotions.

I wait all of three seconds and then I'm walking down the hall and back to the car. I'm grateful that he's working to control himself, but I don't understand what makes him tick just yet. We're at the start of whatever this is between us, and we don't know each other as well as we think we do. For now.

When I get to the car, I lean against the passenger side door and wait for Edward to come outside and press the unlock button. I think about calling Rose to check up on her, and when I pull out my phone, I hear a click behind me. Startled, I realize it's the locks pulling up, and when I raise my gaze, I see Edward approaching with his phone glued to his ear.

"I don't give a fuck what he said to you, Royce, I can't believe you fucking agreed to that shit!" he shouts into the receiving end of his cell. "Well, fuck you, Royce! I told you not to go by yourself." He slides into the driver's seat and slams the door shut.

Royce shouts so loud I can hear his end of the conversation from where I sit. "_I wouldn't have had to go by myself if you weren't such a goddamned pussy! When Alice calls, you drop everything. And I know you two are tight and shit, but fuck, man! Cut the cord already."_

"Roy, we already discussed this," Edward growls through gritted teeth. "I don't like to repeat myself."

Royce snorts, "_Nah, you talked a bunch of bullshit and then walked away. That's what you always do, Cullen. I'm sick of it. And you've been out of control ever since you met Bella. You're fucking whipped, man, and you haven't even hit that."_

"Royce," Edward's tone is like the calm before a storm, "you know how I say to watch your mouth when you talk about Alice?" Royce confirms it and Edward continues, "Times that by infinity when it comes to Bella."

I'm openly staring at him now.

"_Whatever_," Royce mutters.

"Don't 'whatever' me, King," Edward's voice now has an edge to it. "You don't know shit about me and Bella, so fuck off. I let you run your mouth about a lot of things, but Bella is off limits."

"_Fine!_" Royce shouts. "_That still doesn't change the fact that we're fucking screwed. Aro is not somebody you wanna fuck with."_

"I'll deal with that mess later," Edward sighs and sticks his keys in the ignition. "Bella's staying with me tonight, so if I don't talk to you again today, then I'll just call you tomorrow."

"_Yeah, yeah," _Royce snorts.

Edward starts the car, "Oh, and more thing…"

I stare at Edward as he turns his face to stare into my eyes as he tells Royce, "Don't tell Jake."

It is not lost on me that the request is just as much aimed toward me as it is Royce.

When he hangs up, I can tell he's still upset. He keeps clenching his hands around the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. It's then that I notice his right hand is scratched and slightly bloodied. Like he's punched a wall. I don't like seeing him like this; it makes me uneasy. It makes me concerned for what he'll do next.

"Edward," I whisper softly and turn to look at him. He doesn't respond, but I know he's heard me. I clear my throat and speak again, "Give me your hand."

His brow wrinkles in confusion. His grip on the wheel lessens, but he doesn't remove his hands from it. Not until I reach up and touch his right arm. Only then does he let go of the wheel and allow me to place his hand into my lap. My fingers feather over his wounds as I inspect them closely. I wince when I touch them—they look painful. For some strangely odd reason, I feel compelled to lean forward and press my lips to each of his injured knuckles.

A slight intake of air on my left lets me know that Edward's reaction is of surprise and… pleasure? I rest his hand in my lap again and cup it between my hands. He tightens it around one of mine and I smile to myself as I stare outside my window.

It's nice to have control for once.

It's right then that I realize something… I'm _in_ this. There is no turning back for me now. I squeeze his hand and shiver when his fingers slink down between my thighs. He keeps his hand wedged there for the rest of the ride to his apartment.

He's vile and aggressive, but he's vulnerable and pensive, too. He's a matchstick, and I want to be his flame. I'll deal with his moods, because I know now that I can handle them. I'm all in. I can do this. I decide in this moment, with his thumb rubbing over my leg leisurely while he drives, that tonight is the night. I'm ready. He's it for me.

I am going to fuck his brains out tonight.

-x-

_**Beware of strength in numbers**_

_**They play better than one**_

_**A group of those who follow**_

_**Can never reach the sun**_

_**Be careful who you're thinking will save you in the end**_

_**Maybe we're all just waiting for one beautiful friend**_

_**The rising of all of this**_

_**Will not become the fall**_

_**A group of those who follow**_

_**Will never learn to walk**_

_**We see what we want to see**_

_**Maybe breathe lighter now**_

_**The group of those who follow**_

_**You'll never see us now**_

_**Save us**_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Numbers _by_ Great Northern_.

Go buy/download **Great Northern**'s album titled: **Where the Light Is**. DO IT. Now. You will not regret it. If you have a song that makes you think of this story, share it with me.

I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, and **Typokween Writes** on Facebook. Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P

**TK's FRIDAY FIC REC**: _Quiet Storm by SexiLexiCullen! _(I know most of you have probably already read this, but I'm slow—hence the title of this fic!—so I'm currently obsessed!)

In response to last week's random Q: Due to the fuck-awesome-but-pleasantly-surprised response to last week's chapter, I was only able to tease the first 100 or so reviewers who got the movie right. It was Fear! I promise to be more efficient next time.

**ALSO:** maxipoo1024 has posted up the interview she did with me , check it out, link in my profile. ;)

**This weeks Q:** what did you think of what I said in the interview? (Yes, this is shameless plugging. I want you to read it. LMAO)

**See you next Friday!**


	18. You Keep Me Under Your Spell

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

**SHOUT OUTS— **(Sorry if this part gives you the 'Mean Girls' clique vibe. These lovely ladies below help me get through the day and they deserve a shout out because they're special to ME. So you can skip down to the update if you want.)

_**Jess: **__Every you, every me.__** DarlingSaila: **__Get well soon girly, until then let the hubs baby you like crazy! __**PAWsPeaches:**__ I sawwww it! I loooved it! The song from this chapter is froooom it!__** Suzie55:**__ Lattes. You. Me. CC. hehe. __**Bleriana: **__Hope you're feeling better, BB. __**SexiLexiCullen:**__ Still reading QS, gawd DAYUM girl, muy caliente! __**Everyone: **_Thank you to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic.

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That moment when…_ you lose your V-card.

**Ch. 18:** _You Keep Me Under Your Spell_

Edward's apartment complex is ten times nicer than I expected. For one, it sits adjacent to the ocean; two, it is extremely well kept; and three, it has a pool—_three _to be exact. The place looks more like condominiums rather than apartment units. The courtyard has a beautiful wooden gazebo with special lighting and rose bushes around it. We walk past it on our way to his apartment and I feel mesmerized by it. Especially given the time of day—sunset. The sky accentuates its marvelous wedding-like setting.

I'm so wrapped up in staring at the damn thing that I end up losing my footing and stumbling forward a few steps until Edward grabs hold of my waist to steady me. I blush from slight embarrassment and he swipes his thumb over my cheek. The touch from him just makes my cheeks flush further and I try to turn away, but he stops me and bends down to kiss me softly on the lips.

"Don't hide that beautiful face from me, Bella Swan," he teases and kisses me again.

We take a few steps forward and turn right before we trudge up a flight of stairs—the rail is black and metal, and the steps are concrete. When we reach the top, he pulls his keys out and turns the lock at apartment 334.

I stifle a giggle when I see his welcome mat reads: _Warning! Asshole inside._ _Enter At Own Risk._

"Alice." He smirks when he notices me looking.

My smile fades.

"Don't be like that." He rolls his eyes and opens the door.

_Don't be like that?_ Is he kidding me? I decide right then to give him a bit of his own medicine.

"Be like what?" I walk past him and lean against the door frame, not yet entering his apartment, and start to play with the simple silver chain that hangs around my neck.

However, on the chain hangs Jasper's class ring. Honestly, I forgot I even had it there until this very moment. I wouldn't have remembered if I hadn't been wracking my brain to find something on me to make Edward jealous with. Luck was on my side—or maybe not, because now he looks super pissed.

"What is that?" he growls and takes a step forward to back me up further into the door frame.

I stumble backward to move away from the door and take my first involuntary step inside his home. "What is what?" I play it off with a slight shrug as I drop the chain and ring from my fingers.

His presence is a force not to be reckoned with, but for some weird off the wall reason, I enjoy nothing more than pushing his buttons. "What is_ this_?" he hisses and wrenches the chain from my neck so that the clasp pops free and Jasper's ring is clenched within his hand, my chain hanging from between his fingers.

I gasp and my hands fly up to my neck to check for damage. "That hurt, you asshole!" I snap at him with a scowl and rub the back of my neck.

"What the fuck are you still wearing this for?" He ignores my words completely and shouts in my face. I flinch instinctively from the tone of his voice and he backs up a step to pinch the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "Why, Bella?" he responds without looking at me. "Are you playing me?"

His head lifts and I stare back at him in shock. "What? _No_," I tell him firmly, "I am not playing you, Edward. I honestly forgot I had the damn thing until you pissed me off about Alice and I used it to make you jealous!"

He breathes in and out his nose heavily and grabs my hand to drop the ring and chain onto my open palm. "Get rid of it," he spits out through gritted teeth. "_Now_."

I glare at him angrily. "By the way? That chain was a gift from my grandmother before she died."

He blinks. "Then I'll pay to repair the chain. The ring is a different story. Get it out of my sight."

I snatch my hand away from him and pull my duffel bag from his shoulder to unzip it and drop the necklace inside. "Happy?" I sneer at him.

He brushes past me into the apartment and I walk right out and kick the mat away from the door until it slides across the porch. Edward shouts from behind me to knock it off, but in my bout of immaturity, I continue on and kick the mat again until this time it slips beneath the railing and right off the porch.

"Oops!" I pretend to care and gasp as my hand flies to my mouth. With wide eyes I look over at Edward and then drop my hand and my fake face to glare at him. I raise my brow in my bitchiest manner and slink past him into the apartment.

It has vaulted ceilings, hardwood floors, a small kitchen, and an even smaller dining area. The living room is large, and is home to one of the largest flat screen TVs I've ever seen outside of a Best Buy. It's even bigger than the one at home that my dad worships every night. The stereo and surround sound alone would give my dad a heart attack.

The entertainment center that surrounds the screen is a simple stand with a few shelves on either side. On the left of the TV are the stereo, a DVD player, and an iPod dock. To the right are a few picture frames that I know Alice must have placed there—because she's in almost all of them. I roll my eyes and knock down the one with her pursing her lips at the camera as if to kiss it.

Edward sighs audibly and pinches the bridge of his nose while he shakes his head. I raise my brow again to give him a look of warning. He says nothing more and I slide a finger along the side of his TV and then over to the shelves as I make my way across the room.

The couch in front of the screen is a dark gray suede sectional sofa set. It has a loveseat, a chaise, and an armless chair, and an ottoman with three large, matching pillows are scattered across the loveseat part of the couch. I eye the chaise carefully, and in my head I plan many lazy days lying across it with a book in my lap. To the right of the screen and couch is a sliding glass door that leads to the back porch and what looks like a small storage room. I bet that's where his washer/dryer is.

The white vertical blinds that cover the glass door are open and I walk forward to push them aside to check out his view. I can see the entire complex from here, and the small flower garden in the center looks really nice at this time of day. It's really nice here, and I want to be comfortable, but I'm not. I'm nervous and I feel awkward, and I want to go home.

I spin around to tell him I've changed my mind and come face to face with Edward. A gasp escapes my lips and I take one small step away from him as he takes one forward. My duffel bag is over his shoulder and my eyes are glued to it so that I don't look at Edward. He makes me nervous.

"C'mon," he takes my hand with his and pulls gently, "let's put your stuff in the room."

I gulp and follow him blindly past the living room, past the kitchen, and down a very short hall with the bathroom on the left and his bedroom on the right. His room isn't exactly how I imagined it, but it fits him all the same. I'm actually not sure why, but I had been sure I'd walk into a disaster zone. Clothes thrown all over, marijuana plants lining the floors, half-naked women posted up on the walls…

I couldn't have been more wrong. Inside his room is pristine—everything has a place, and it's been put there for a reason. His bed is king-sized with black covers and looks like it's so comfortable I'd fall asleep just touching it. So, naturally… I have a nearly unavoidable urge to jump onto it.

Edward drops my bag onto the floor and puts his hands on my hips to draw my back against his chest where he wraps his arms around me tightly. With his chin on my shoulder, he nuzzles my ear and kisses my jaw. My head falls back to rest on his shoulder and he uses the opportunity to capture my mouth with his. I know where this is going, but I also know that I need some answers first.

The fucking will happen later.

"Wait." I turn and press a hand against his chest. "We have to talk first."

He groans in annoyance and continues to kiss my neck. "No, actually, we don't."

I grit my teeth and push him back an inch or two. "Seriously?" I ask in disbelief. "You don't think we have anything to talk about?"

He rolls his eyes. "No, I don't. I can think of a million things we could do that do not require talking." He goes for my mouth and I scowl and shove him away.

"I'm sure that your perverted mind could come up with a million sexual reasons, but this shop is closed for business until you start talking." I cross my arms over my chest.

He groans again and flops down onto the bed. I slowly sit at the end and wait for him to sit upright.

"What happened at that guy's apartment today?" I start.

He flings his arm over his face as he continues to lie on his back on the mattress. "What are you talking about?" he mutters.

I snort incredulously. "What am I talking about? Uh, how about how you were about to go nuclear on those people, Edward!"

"I was not," he lies blatantly as he sits up and looks at me with a bored expression. "It's not my fault Alec is a fucking moron, okay?"

I blink at him in confusion. "Is this something that I have to look forward to, Edward? You scare me sometimes, you know? I don't know what's going to set you off, or how to calm you down… I…" I stare down at my hands.

"Bella," he lifts my chin to look into his eyes, "_you _calm me down. Just being you, just being _with _me."

I shake my head. "I don't believe you."

He sighs and runs his hands through his messy hair. "Look, I'm trying to straighten my shit out, okay? Just trust me."

"How?" I grab his hand in mine. "This thing between us is so new, and as much as I _feel _like I know you, I actually don't. I want to trust you, Edward. I really, _really _do." I close my eyes and breathe deeply. "But I've got nothing to go by here but faith."

"I'm still doing that community service time and those anger management classes, okay?" He squeezes my hands. "Just… give me some time. I can't change overnight. But I will. For you, I will."

I shake my head. "Don't say you'll do it for me."

"Why not?" He frowns.

"Because, Edward," I groan and lean my forehead against his shoulder before I look up at him again. "You have to want this for you, not me. It won't work any other way. _Trust _me, I know that for a fact."

He touches my face gently. "But I don't care to change unless it's to keep you with me."

"Why?" I ask curiously. "Why am I the exception, Edward? What makes _me _so special?" I have to know. I dig my fingers into his shirt and pull him toward me, "Tell me."

"Not today," he shakes his head.

I start to wonder if that's going to be something I hear often when it comes to him telling me things about himself.

-x-

He asks me what I want for dinner. I say that I don't know, surprise me. He says not to play games with him—tell him what I want. I get sassy, and I say I want his cock… in my mouth. He drops his pants. I drop to my knees.

Afterward, I decide I want pizza. He tells me I'm fucking crazy, but he's still enjoying the post bliss of my amazing mouth, so… we order pizza. We watch a movie. We cuddle on his comfortable couch.

I'm comfortable and content—but I know something is wrong. He's been tense all night, and he keeps checking his phone. He won't tell me what's wrong. It's driving me insane that he won't open up to me, yet he expects me to do it for him.

"Edward," I say when the football game he's watching goes to commercial.

He sighs with his head resting on my chest—he's laid out over me actually, just like a blanket, which is a good thing because it's cold in these damn shorts and he warms my legs. I have one of his large hoodies covering my tank top—moron move on my part to be 'sexy.' Edward saw right through my plan, and after feeling me up, he pulled his sweater over my head to cover me up.

Now he's my human Snuggie. I sigh and run my fingers absently through his hair as he watches the TV and I watch him. It feels strange lying like this with him, like we always do this, when I know very well we don't. As strange as it is, I'm comfortable and happy.

I'm _happy_.

"Edward," I whisper his name again and drag my hand softly down the side of his face to cup his cheek to me. "Are you happy?"

He turns his head to look up at me. "When I'm with you."

"And when you're not?" I ask.

He sighs. "Then I'm not happy." He lays his cheek to my breast again. "Why are you asking me this?"

I shrug and close my eyes. "Never mind."

"Tell me," he speaks with his lips at my collarbone.

"No," I utter.

His lips travel up to mine. "Tell me."

Looking into his eyes is like staring at the sun—I have to look away—it's too intense. But like a car crash, I have to look back. He studies my expression with uncertainty and I start to feel guilt flow through me. I place my hands on either side of his face and kiss his mouth softly.

"I want you to," I pause and lick my lips, "tell me something about you."

He frowns up at me. "Why?"

I take a deep breath to prepare myself for this. "Because I feel like you know more about me than I know about you, and if this is gonna work, I need you to let me in."

I don't like the face me makes before he speaks again—he looks conflicted and uneasy. I want him to be comfortable with me. I know this thing between us is new, but I feel so much for him. I have all these weird, unexplainable feelings running around inside me, and I just want to know that he feels this way, too.

"All right," he says and pushes away from me to sit up. "What do you want to know?"

I shrug. "Anything? I don't know." I start to play with my hands, my gaze glued to them.

He stops my fingers from tangling together and links them with his. "Well," he kisses my fingers gently, "I was sixteen when I was emancipated, which you know." His eyes rise to mine and I nod. "It was all thanks to Carlisle. He, uh…" he pauses and I squeeze his hands with mine.

"He's helped me out a lot." Edward clears his throat and continues. "I would not be here today without him. We're really close, him and me. He's like… I dunno, like a big brother or some shit to me."

I can tell that Carlisle means a lot to Edward, so I encourage him to keep telling me about him. I pull on his arm to bring him closer to me and then I crawl into his lap with my knees drawn up to my chest and my head under his chin. His arms circle my body and one of his hands rests over my ass and gives me a small pat. I snuggle into him and close my eyes while he talks.

"Why did you get emancipated?" I whisper softly, afraid that I'm asking too much.

He pats my butt again and sighs. "Another time, baby girl," he says into my hair.

"Okay. How did you get this place?" I try again; I don't want this to be the end of our conversation. We're getting somewhere. I don't want to take two steps forward and one step back.

"Well, Alice's older sister, Esme, was dating Carlisle at the time, and since I was always hanging out with Alice when I wasn't with Jake or Roy, I kinda became friends with Carlisle. He knew my situation and tried to help me out. When Esme found out the apartment next to her was up for rent, she and Carlisle pulled some strings. Carlisle had to co-sign to get me this place, and he hooked me up with this program for emancipated adolescents. I only pay about half what this place usually rents for, and the program covers the rest until I turn eighteen."

I rub my cheek against his chest—he's so damn warm and firm. "Does Carlisle know how you come up with the money to pay your rent?"

He chuckles. "Nah, he thinks I work at a gentleman's lodge as a busboy. The manager in the kitchen buys weed from me, we have a deal that he pays me monthly through the lodge and I hook him up with some trees."

I frown. "Isn't that illegal? He could lose his job."

He shrugs. "It ain't my problem."

Typical Cullen. I bite my bottom lip and think about where we're headed. Are we a good match? Did I make the right decision? I'd make it again, even if it wasn't. Being around him is so much better than being without him. I'm lost when he's not there, but I'm calmer about it when _is _there. He makes everything better. I feel like I'm headed in the right direction, even though a small part of me is scared about it. It's _too _good; it won't last. What if I fall in love with him? Who am I kidding? I'm halfway there, if not on the cusp of it.

"I'm scared," I confess to him in the dark room with only the light from the television to guide my focus. "What if we lose this before it even starts?" I fist my hands into his hair. "I don't…" I sigh and take a deep breath. "I don't want to fall for you and get hurt."

He kisses my chin, then my lips, then the tip of my nose, and each cheek…

"Why would you want to think about something like that?" he asks me. "Why can't we just be happy with what we have right now? Worrying about shit that hasn't happened is what will ruin this before it starts, Bella."

He's right. I know he's right. But…

"Kiss me," I whisper.

He blinks in confusion. "What?"

"Kiss. Me." I repeat again, more forcefully. "I just want to be with you and hold onto this feeling that I have right now. For however long it lasts."

He tugs at my bottom lip with his teeth and then captures my mouth with his. Two long, deep kisses and then he pulls back and buries his face in the crook of my neck. I feel his lips and his tongue and his teeth and I start to breathe harder and faster. He'll leave a mark, and I'm startled to realize that I want him to.

His phone buzzes on the coffee table and we both ignore it as we shred our clothing and enjoy each other. His body is so hard and lean against mine. I feel myself being pressed into the couch further, like a drowning victim underwater—only I'm not terrified of dying. I'm only scared of falling and opening and allowing someone besides Rosalie to see inside me.

Again his phone buzzes, and again we both ignore it. His hands touch me all over and I wither and tremble beneath him as wave after wave of electric currents overtake my body. My breath is shallow; his are quick in and out puffs of air as he makes his way down my torso to the panty line at my pelvis.

I gasp when he pulls back and takes my underwear down my thighs and slides them down to my knees and past my feet. I shiver and it trickles up my spine and causes me to arch my back and press my chest into the air. I whimper when he starts to trail kisses up the insides of my legs, and his breath is hot and thick against the spot between my thighs.

He sets my hips back down to the couch and I sit up and lean against the armrest behind me. I watch him settle himself between my open legs and my hands instinctively go to his hair as he leans over and slides his whole tongue from the bottom to the top of my trembling center. He teases my clit with his mouth and I start to sing high notes that I didn't know I could fucking hit.

My head falls back as I rub myself against his mouth. He licks and I buckle. He sucks and I wither. He laughs against my slit and I rake my fingers through his hair. I cry out as soon as he plunges a finger inside, and I start to rock my hips just as he adds another.

"Edward," I whine and press a hand to my forehead as my head hits the arm of the couch. His hands steady my hips with a firm grip and I clench my eyes and try to breathe. "Edward!" I scream and arch my back again. "Oh, my God, don't stop," I beg him. "Right there, oh, God!" I cry out and bite down onto my bottom lip hard enough to nearly draw blood.

Just before I'm about to explode, he pulls back and grips his cock in his hand as he uses the other to hold himself over me. "Please let me fuck you, Bella," he kisses my mouth intensely. "Please, baby, I need to be inside you."

I have a slight moment of panic. My hesitation causes a strain on his face that I don't want to be the reason for. I keep thinking about statistics and babies, and Rosalie pops into my head.

"D-do you have a…" I gulp. Why can't I just say condom? Why am I terribly fucking mortified to say condom to Edward's face?

"My bedroom," he jerks himself away from me.

Before I can respond, he lifts me up and carries me to his bedroom. I shriek in surprise and laugh as he drops me onto the bed and rushes to his beside drawer. I watch him in the moonlight and feel my cheeks flush as I watch his cock swing back and forth between his legs. He's so beautiful in front of me, but goddamn, I can't keep the giggle from escaping my mouth.

He slides onto the bed beside me with a golden foil packet that says, in big, black, bold letters _Live Large_. I watch him rip the thing open with his teeth and place it over the tip of his well-endowed cock. I'm enthralled as he rolls the white latex down his shaft and looks up at me hungrily. I've never seen that done before. I start to realize that this is really happening. We're really about to have sex.

Oh shit.

"Edward," I reply with a shaky voice. I want this, I do. I _want _to have sex with Edward, and I _want _him to be the first person I do it with, but… I gulp. "I've never…"

"I know." His tone is husky. "It's okay, baby. I'll go slow."

But I don't want slow. I want hard. I want fast. I want to be fucking speared right through the mattress with his massive, solid cock.

So why am I suddenly scared shitless?

I start shaking nervously as he presses me into the bed and hovers over me. I close my eyes and lean my head back as I wait for him to push inside. I feel him touch me at my entrance and I gasp deeply and bite my lip as I start to feel so fucking emotional all of a sudden. My breaths come out faster. My hands are on his hips, my knees slightly bent—he's _right there_.

Then suddenly, he's _in _there. I feel a pain unlike anything I've ever felt before, like a pinch inside my fucking vagina that won't let go.

"Are you okay?" he whispers in that deep husky tone of his.

"Is it in?" I grimace.

His eyes search my face. "Not all the way," he answers honestly.

I gulp and lift my head. "Kiss me, Edward," I reply through shaky lips.

"What's wrong? Am I hurting you?" His eyes widen and he starts to pull away.

"No, don't." I stop him with my legs curling around his calves. This movement makes him instinctively push further inside and I yelp and gasp out loud as another shot of pain hits me. "Okay!" I cry out. "Get out!"

"What?" he replies, confused.

"Get out! Get out! Get out!" I chant through gritted teeth. "It fucking hurts, Edward! Pull out!" I slam my palms against his chest.

"The fuck?" He frowns before realization hits and he yanks out of me instantly. "Oh shit, Bella. I'm sorry!"

I wince and draw my knees up and curl onto my side. "Ow," I whisper with closed eyes.

"Baby." He scoots over to lie on his side so that our faces are inches apart. His hand cups my chin and lifts it, but I'm too embarrassed to open my eyes. "Look at me, Bella," he urges me to comply with his nose against mine. His hands slide down my sides and rest over my bare hips.

"I'm sorry," I look away shamefully.

He curls hair behind my ear. "For what?"

I open my eyes. "You know what."

He leans in and touches his lips to my forehead. "It's supposed to hurt the first time," he whispers against my brow. "We'll try again and it won't be so bad."

I blink at him and bite my lip. "But you didn't…" I look down between us to see that he's already removed the condom and is at half-mast.

I've killed his buzz, so to speak. How utterly fucking mortifying.

"Shh." He shakes his head and pulls me over to him so that my head rests on his shoulder. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

I scoot closer and press myself against him. "Maybe if we wait a little bit we can try again, okay? Just… give me a few minutes." I frown and unconsciously slide my hand down to cup myself as I recall that painful pinch that I don't want to feel again.

I feel his hand brush mine aside and the tips of his fingers touch me and tease me until I'm panting all over again. "We don't have to try that again until you want to," he promises me with a kiss, and his fingers play me like a violin until he has me singing once more.

I'm falling.

-x-

At some point during the night, I wake up with a chill and turn to snuggle into nothing. My eyes pop open and I look around the room. Edward is not here with me and the door is shut, so I don't know if he just went to the bathroom really quick or not.

"You promised me, Edward!" a female voice shouts and I bolt up in bed to stare at the door.

"Keep your fucking voice down!" Edward's reply is fierce.

I shiver and feel around the bed for Edward's sweater, but I can't find it in this light. With a sigh, I turn the bedside light on and grab the first thing I see—it's the shirt I'd taken off of Edward earlier—and I slip it on over my naked body and it hangs down past my waist. It's like a mini dress on me, but as long as it covers most of my ass and all of my vag, I really could give a fuck how short it is.

I know it's a bad idea before I touch the door knob on his bedroom door, but I twist and pull anyway. When the door opens, there stands Alice with tears in her eyes staring up at Edward, who's shirtless with black sweatpants that hang low on his hips. I feel a lick of fire slink down my body and I swallow the lust. Now is not the time, Bella.

"After everything I've done for you," she cries out in a way that makes me blink in realization.

She's plastered. Drunk as a motherfucking skunk!

"I can't believe you would blow me off like that!" Her hands hit his chest repeatedly—but weak. "She doesn't even know you! _I _know you, Edward—_me! _And I needed you tonight and you weren't there! You weren't there!"

"I'm sorry." He cringes, and I can see that he really is. "Alice, I'm so, so sor—"

"_What is she doing here?_" Alice shrieks, and I flinch in surprise to see that she's staring and pointing right at me. "What the _fuck _is she doing here?" she screams and moves to storm at me but gets stopped by Edward's firm grip on her arm.

"I invited her here, Alice," he growls down at her.

More tears fill her eyes and she stares from me to him, and then she zeros in on what I'm wearing and what Edward's _not _wearing. "Oh, my God." She backs away from him in disgust and looks over at me. "Was the bed even cold before you jumped into another one with Edward?" she glares at me. "You really are a whore, aren't you?"

"Fuck you," I snap at her and make a beeline straight for her. "Please understand that the only reason I have not kicked your ass is because of Edward. You can hate me all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm the one in his bed and you're not."

She gasps, and I know I've hit way below the belt.

"Bella, stop," he barks at me.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them again. "I've come to terms with the fact that being with you means dealing with a lot of shit I don't want to deal with." My eyes lock onto his. "But this?" I point at Alice. "This is where I draw the fucking line, Edward. I won't fight her for your attention. I know she's your best friend, but I will _not _share you."

His jaw tenses as he stares down at me. Alice is still crying and she presses her forehead against his shoulder. I can tell by the look on her face that the room is spinning in her head. I feel for her, I do… but I hate her far too fucking much to throw her a pity party.

"Handle it." I point at him and pull his shirt over my head to toss it at him. "And put a fucking shirt on."

"Bella!" he shouts after me.

I slam the door to his room shut and start to gather my things. I can't stay here. No way is he going to ditch her tonight when she's in that state of mind—drunk and hurt. It's the worst feeling in the world, and it's also the most dangerous.

I snatch one of his shirts down from a hanger in his closet and pull it over my head to cover my nakedness. Then I go back to packing. I plan to call Rose to come and pick me up. The door opens behind me and I ignore him as I continue to stuff my things into my bag. I reach for my jeans that are folded over a chair and he snatches them from my hands.

"Where are you going?" he asks me.

I refuse to look at him right now; I'm so pissed off. He stands with his arms crossed over his chest as he watches me hazardously stuff my bag over and over with shit that's not even mine. When I realize this, I groan and start to pull clothes out.

"Bella," his tone is gentle, and he puts a hand over mine on my bag, "stop."

I pause. "Is she still here?"

He breathes through his nose and shakes his head. "I sent her home." His nose nuzzles the back of my neck. His breath is warm against my skin.

I drop my bag and turn around to glare at him. "We need to talk about this."

"I know." He nods. He's still shirtless, and his pants still hang deliciously low on his hips.

Focus, Bella.

"I don't want to make you choose between me and your friend. I won't do that, but I can't just ignore the fact that she's in love with you, Edward." I shake my head up at his shocked face. "Don't pretend like you didn't know."

His eyes are wide and terrified. His head moves back and forth. He really didn't know. How stupid can he be? How _oblivious _and uncaring and—

"I just…" his voice interrupts my thoughts. "I just thought that…" He cringes and runs his hands through his hair. "I was always under the impression that we saw each other as siblings. I care deeply for her, Bella. Asking me to stay away from her is like denying my family."

I place my hand onto his chest. "I would never make you choose. I just need to know if I'm going to be fighting her for you, Edward. Because, if so, you need to tell me now, so we can end this here before we get too involved."

He grunts irritably. "I think we're way past 'involved,' don't you think?"

My hand slinks up his chest to the back of his neck. I nod and stare up into his eyes. "Yes." I pull his face down to mine to kiss him, but before our lips touch, I pause. "Do you love her?"

With his eyes closed he sighs. "As my family, yes." He looks down at my face. "But that's it. That's all it's ever been, and all it ever will be. It's always been…" He grimaces and turns his face away.

I pull him to me and wrap my arms around him. "Promise me you won't break my heart, Edward Cullen," I say into his shoulder.

His hands tighten at my waist before he wraps me up in his arms with his lips at my ear. "I'm going to fuck this up." He squeezes me. "It's inevitable that I will make the wrong decisions, and piss you off, and need you more than you need me, but..." He swallows and I dig my fingers into his back. "Just please stay with me."

I clench my eyes shut. "Just please try your hardest not to hurt me."

"I will," he whispers and holds me tighter. "I promise."

I lift my head and press my lips to his. His lips are gentle, but I deepen the kiss so that it turns passionate. I want him—I _need _him. I feel frantic from all of the emotions coursing through my body in this moment. I feel as though I have to prove to myself that he's mine.

How else can I do that, other than to have him in the most intimate of ways?

My hands claw up his back and I rake my nails down his skin so that he shudders lustfully within my grasp. His hands grip my hips firmly until they start to slide up my sides, and one goes into my hair while the other slinks up the front of the shirt I'm wearing. His fingers are feather-light, and they cause me to shiver and moan and attempt to climb him like a tree.

"Edward, I want you," I pant across his jaw and trail my tongue along the sharp groove that leads up to his ear. "I need you…" I whimper as his fingers find my nipples—he pinches hard—and I bite into his shoulder to hide the sounds I wish to make.

One of his hands travels down between my thighs, where he glides two fingers against my wet sex, and his breath hitches in his throat. "You sure?" he asks gently.

I nod into his neck and continue my assault on his flesh with my mouth.

"Bella, I want you so bad," his voice trembles, full of desire. "I can't promise you slow… not tonight."

"It's okay," I say as he starts to walk me backward toward the bed. "I just want you inside me." I gasp when his hands grip my hips and lift me up from the floor to throw me down onto the mattress. Before I can catch my breath, he's on top of me.

He reaches into the nightstand for what we need and I watch intently as he puts it on. I lick my lips and imagine doing it for him with my mouth. I gulp and look up into his eyes as he hovers above me. His fingers brush the hair from my face, and he takes a few seconds to stare at me while he balances himself over me on one arm. The other is down between us, aligning himself with me. I bend my knees higher and gasp and shiver when he starts to tease me with the head of his cock.

"You want this, baby?" He starts to play with me. His eyes alight with hunger and possession. He wants me to beg.

I nod my head.

He shakes his as if to tell me it's not good enough. I have to say it out loud. I lift my hips from the bed slightly to add pressure to his teasing. It feels so fucking good that I moan. He teases me again and presses himself harder against me.

"I want it!" I scream out at him.

I expect him to ease in—he doesn't. He grunts and plows into me. His hips buck and I cry out in surprise. The pinch is back, but it's not as bad as before.

"You okay?" he exhales over me.

I nod. But I'm not okay; I'm awkward. This doesn't feel at all like what I was expecting. I know we have to do it a few more times before it starts to feel really, really addicting and good. But I want that _now_. I had a plan: I was going to fuck the shit out of my boyfriend.

I grimace when he pulls out and slides back in. It's on the brink of feeling good, but I'm not quite… there.

"Liar." He pulls away from me, and before I can argue, he swings me around and I'm on top. "You have to relax, Bella. It's yours now, we'll go at your pace," he says breathlessly.

I know he's struggling. He wants it hard and fast, and so do I, but I've come to terms that it's not going to happen right now. No matter how beautiful I know his cock is. Rosalie told me it wasn't going to be fireworks and heaven's music the first time around.

"Edward." I shake my head and place my hands onto his shoulders. "I can't…" I gasp when his hips jerk upward into mine.

_That_ felt _really_ fucking good.

"Damn it, Bella," he hisses through clenched teeth. "If you don't start moving your ass, I will move it for you."

His threat spurs me on.

"Look at me," he says with his hands firmly on my hips. I bring my eyes up to his and he slowly starts to move beneath me. "Don't think. Just look at me," he whispers—and I do—and he pushes up into me and slides slowly back out. "Keep looking at me, baby…"

I gasp and my fingers dig into his shoulders. I close my eyes in a small moment of bliss and lift up then ease myself back down. His breaths are shallow, my chest is heaving, and I need him closer, so I take his face in my hands and bring him up to my lips. He scoots closer to the headboard, so that we're face to face, and I press my forehead to his. I start to stir over him, swiveling my hips a bit to see what feels good or not.

"Yeah, like that, baby," he breathes heavily. "Just like that."

He slides a hand between us and uses his thumb to caress my clitoris. My mouth opens wide with a cry stuck in my throat as he brings his thumb up to his lips and flicks his tongue across it. I whimper when he puts his thumb over my lips and says, "Open your mouth." I do, he pushes it inside, and I swirl my tongue around the salty taste of it.

"That's a good girl." His voice is hoarse and his eyes are glued to mine. My chest heaves against his when he lowers his hand back down, and I know he's going to tease me again, and when he does, I finally find my voice and yell his name out into the room.

At the sound of my voice, he picks up the pace and I grab on to his shoulders again to balance myself. His teeth nip at my bottom lip as he lifts my hips and brings them back down onto his, fast…faster… I gasp and throw my head back, leaving my throat open for his hot and waiting mouth to latch onto. I pull him to me, my arms wrapping around his neck and my thighs clenching around his as the first wave of euphoria tickles my senses. I feel like a bunny bouncing up and down on top of him, but he tells me not to stop, he says I feel so fucking good, and that he's waited for this moment and…

"Fuck," he growls out into my ear and bucks up into me harder and faster. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he shouts with east thrust. "Oh, _fuck_, yes! Fuck!" I want to laugh, but then he starts to play with my clit again and now I'm the one shouting profanities and biting into his shoulder to hold back my cries.

I'm going to come. He's going to come. It's like we're racing toward the finish line, and we go faster and push harder, and then, and then… and then…

We finish.

Goddamn, he's beautiful when he comes.

-x-

_**I don't eat, I don't sleep,**_

_**I do nothing but think of you.**_

_**I don't eat, I don't sleep,**_

_**I do nothing but think of you.**_

_**You keep me under your spell,**_

_**You keep me under your spell,**_

_**You keep me under your spell**_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Under Your Spell _by_ Desire_.

The DRIVE soundtrack is BOMB. There are only about 5 actual song tracks and all of them are excellent. Also, the movie is fuck hawt as well.

I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, and **Typokween Writes** on Facebook. Come say hello, because I'm bored as hell at work all day! :P

**TK's FRIDAY FIC REC**: _Words With Friends_ by _Nolebucgrl. _(I'm still playing random people on WWF looking for my Edward Cullen…)

This week has been SHIT-TY and I am so glad it's over. I hope everyone else had a better week than I did. Enjoy the update guys, and…

**See you next Friday!**


	19. Cool, Quiet Provocateur

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

**SHOUT OUTS—**_**Jess: **__ILY.__** DarlingSaila: **__The best Betta Fish evah!__** Suzie55:**__ I need for Ed to cool it and do Bella now… *taps foot* hehe. __**Bleriana: **__Dirty minded music h00rs unite! __**Nolebucgrl**__: I can't wait to read your update, I want Edward to grovel & beg for forgiveness! lol __**SexiLexiCullen:**__ I love how riled up yout fic gets me, lol. _

_**Everyone: **_Thank you to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. I truly appreciate it and you. :)

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ your best friend and your boyfriend argue about you—in front of you.

**Ch. 19:** _Cool, Quiet Provocateur_

Unicorns are rare creatures. I know because I used to be one.

But not anymore! I am no longer an endangered species; I'm one of the overpopulated nymphomaniacs now. I say this because ever since that night with Edward, I can't stop thinking about the next time we do it again—and again… and again…

I feel different. I don't look different, but something is _definitely _not the same as before. The first time I saw my dad after coming home, I freaked the fuck out. My heart would not stop pounding inside my chest. I seriously felt like I had a giant neon sign flashing over my head: _Cannot Wear White at Her Wedding_. But then he asked me if I wanted Chinese or Italian and I knew I was being a giant nerd—no way could he know. Right?

But Rosalie? Knows before I even tell her—which, at first, is freaky as shit. She also takes it a lot better than better than I thought she would.

I knew it was all good in the hood when I call her the next day and the first thing out of her mouth is—"Oh, my God, tell me _everything!_"

I'm shocked at first, wondering what the fuck it is that she's referring to. Then it hits me—_duh_. I had my first boy/girl sleepover with Edward last night. What the hell else would she be talking about? I'd have asked the same damn thing.

I laugh nervously. "Uh, like what?"

She groans, and I can picture her sitting on the edge of her bed in her usual bedtime attire—a slip of a tank top paired with matching boy shorts. She's so predictable that way, always half-naked when she's sure no one is around.

"How about liiiike," she pauses and I hear her move about her room, "oh, I don't know… _how was it?_" she shouts just before plopping down into her chair in front of her computer desk. I know she does this based on two things: one, it's where she _always _ends up sitting when she talks on the phone; and two, I heard the chair squeak when she sat her fat ass down.

"Ummm…" I blush. "_Amazing!_"

She laughs—_hard_.

"You are such a fucking liar!" she roars. "No way was it amazing. My first time was upstairs at a party, in someone's little sister's room. It hurt. _A lot_. No way was it amazing, unless he has a small—"

"No!" I shriek over her. "_Believe_ me," I chuckle secretively, "it is definitely _not _small."

She hums. "I didn't think so, but…"

I sigh. "Okay, the first time, it hurt like hell."

"Thank you!" she shouts as if she's just won a debate on CNN.

"But the second time was _way _better," I tell her. "He just…" I bite my lip, bringing up the memory of him beneath me.

"Were you on top?" she wonders aloud.

I nod. Then I say, "Yeah. He told me to relax and just look in his eyes. When I did that, it felt…" I shiver. "It was unlike _anything… _Shit, Rose.I can't explain it!"

"Aww, my little Belly is falling for her daddy's worst nightmare!" she teases with a small laugh.

I frown. "You don't really think my dad would freak out, do you?"

She's quiet for much too long before she responds. "I'm pretty sure he'd be at least a little concerned. Cullen's reputation precedes him, honey. I don't say that to be mean; it's just a fact. Your dad's a cop and your boyfriend has frequent flyer miles when it comes to riding in the back of a black and white."

"He's not like that." I run a hand through my hair nervously. "I would know if—"

"Has he told you that he's never been arrested for anything before?" She stops me from continuing. "You and I both know your dad looked up his record when he was locked up the night he went all Babe Ruth on Newton's Mustang." (

_Shit_. I know she's right.

"Don't take away from my moment, Rosalie. Please?" I plead with her. "I just want to pretend right now that I'm regular girl, dating a regular guy, and I just lost my fucking virginity. Okay?"

She sighs. "I'm not trying to do that; I just want you prepared. But you're right. So… did you hit the capital O, or did you get the lowercase and pretend?" She snickers because she knows the truth.

"Fuck you, it was awesome!" I shout at her through my laughter.

I can almost see her smirk as she says, "Uh, huh. I bet it was, you little _sllllut!_"

"Hey, watch it!" I defend my _not-a-virgin-anymore_ self.

"Whatever, you know I love you." Her words are teasing but true.

"Yeah, yeah…"

I shake my head and think about Edward and how he looked when he went all spunk ransom up in me. I bite down onto my thumb and wrinkle my nose as I fight back a random giggle attack. Then I think about the cuddling and the kissing and the touching before finally falling asleep…

"I so own that boy's cock now," I say out loud and fall back onto my bed, my head hitting my pillows softly as I kick my feet out excitedly.

She gives haughty laugh. "And he so owns your vagina."

I blush a bit, my cheeks flushing. "Yeah," I agree, "he does."

"Oh, to be young and innocent again." She sounds wistful, and I start to feel guilty for feeling so happy when she's so sad.

"Oh, shit. I'm sor—"

"Whore, shut it. I'm happy that you're happy. I feel like we should have a moment of silence for the loss of your little hymen cherry," she quips with a smile in her tone. "Should we say a few words?"

"Ha-ha! Shut up!" I yell. "What did you do after you lost yours?"

She snorts. "Uh, nothing? I was wasted, and afterwards the dickhead was making out with his ex-girlfriend on a couch downstairs. The next day, I told everyone that he had a small dick. Then everyone started calling him Teeny Weenie for the rest of the year until he graduated." She laughs too loud to be humorous.

When I hear the front door open and shut downstairs, we both start taking simultaneously.

"Dad's home—"

"Emmett's here—"

We laugh and then she starts first. "Okay, I'm out. Later, bitch."

I shake my head with smile. "Later."

-x-

Okay, so I've decided something. Life is good when Edward Cullen is your boyfriend. It's only been a little under a week since our epic sleepover and I couldn't be happier.

Also? Ever since losing my unicorn card? I no longer wake up dreading school, because I know that, after cheer practice, Edward will be waiting for me in the parking lot. On the days that I don't have practice, he's still there when I walk outside of school. His last class of the day is P.E. and he gets to leave whenever he wants. He said it was because he has an "in" with the coach.

Whatever that means.

Halloween is just around the corner, and even though it's my absolute _favorite _holiday, I'm dreading it. Why? Well, that's easy. It's because of Alice's stupid costume party that Edward _insists _I accompany him to. Jake says that Alice's parties are legendary, and not something to be missed.

I said I'd go on one condition. Usually this is where I would have demanded Rosalie tag along with Emmett, or whomever she was dating at the time. But this time, I can't do that because Royce will be there. So, instead, I make Edward promise not to leave my side unless I have Jake next to me. I refuse to be left alone in Alice's territory. I don't even want to go, but Edward has been so sweet lately, and attentive, and completely _not _what I had expected.

There's been no drug runs, no meeting up with shady people, or him getting into scary confrontations. We've been to the park, long, quiet drives, yummy dinners at places I had no idea existed—hole in the walls are totally boss—and of course… his apartment.

We've only had sex once more since that first night. It was fast and messy, but I didn't care a bit. We were on a time limit after all—he had to report to his community service. I make these little secret grins to myself sometimes when I think about sexy times with Edward. I still can't believe that hot piece of ass is allll _mine_. It makes me giddy as a motherfucker to know that. It also worries me.

The bell for lunch jolts me back into the present and I slam my locker shut before I turn to Rosalie. "Any word yet from your folks?" I ask her, just as I've been doing every day since she sent them her email. Which feels like a lifetime, and still… _nada_.

"No, nothing," Rose replies with a deep sigh. She's disappointed that her parents haven't tried to contact her. I'm starting to wonder if they've even read her email yet.

"It'll be okay." I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into the cafeteria with me. "Whatever happens, you know I got your back."

She smiles genuinely and nods her head. "Thanks, Bell."

I wink. "Of course."

We walk forward toward the lunch line and stop dead.

"What the fuck is this?" I whisper in sheer mystification. "What… the fuck… is _this?_" I scream out suddenly and whirl around to search the room for the guilty party.

The entire fucking cafeteria is decorated like a baby shower. Light pink and blue streamers are flung and twirled along the ceiling and hanging down with baby rattles at the ends. Most of the tables have blue or pink table covers, with diaper cakes as centerpieces. But the biggest slap in the face is the face is the poster on the wall that says: _Congratulations, Baby Mama! _

Rosalie's fingers dig into my arm as I struggle to calm the fuck down. "Bella," she whispers in a panic.

"It's okay," I lie to her as I look around the room at the many smirking faces that surround us.

When their prying eyes dare to look at me, I feel a sudden urge to scream that I'm not the pregnant one—_Rosalie _is. But I know I would never actually say that out loud. I feel guilty enough just thinking it and I hadn't even meant to. A flutter of giggles draws my attention over to the far right corner of the room where Jessica, Lauren, and Jennifer sit at a table with a few scattered presents and stuffed animals.

I start for them and get pulled back by Rosalie. "Bella, don't," she warns me. "You'll only make it worse." She's panicking. I know she is. She's terrified that if I deny this, people will find out the truth.

I grit my teeth and yank her hand with me as I make a hasty exit out of the cafeteria. When I get to my locker, it has a cartoon stork taped against it. When I rip it away, I see that someone has written _SLUT! _across my locker in red lipstick.

"Wonderful," I hiss through gritted teeth. "This is just fucking _great!_" I shout and slam the paper stork against my locker to scrub away the lipstick. It doesn't come off, though—it just smears everywhere. "_Ah!" _I scream out into the empty hallway, filled with frustration.

"So," a chuckling voice startles me in its direction, "you and Cullen, huh? It makes sense now, I guess." Mike Newton snickers as he keeps a safe distance away from Rosalie and me. "Why he beat the shit out of me at that party. Why he decided to remodel my car… Why you broke up with Jasper?" He grins. "Have you two decided on any names yet?"

"Fuck you," I snap at him.

He mock gasps and presses a hand to his chest. "Such language! You going to kiss your baby with that mouth?"

"Get lost, Mike!" Rosalie shouts. "Bella isn't pregnant, okay? It's not her, it's—"

"Me!" I interrupt her with a shout. "Yes, it's me."

"Bella!" Rosalie's eyes are wide.

I give her a look that says _shut the fuck up_ and then turn back to Mike. "Yep. I'm preggo. Got a bun in the oven. Is there a problem? I'd gladly let Edward know if you like…" I give an innocent shrug.

Mike scowls and walks away without another word. I'm terrified to look at Rose's locker, for fear that she's getting the same treatment. One look down the aisle and I see the same paper stork hanging from her locker. _Fuck_. Someone must have seen us at the Women's Clinic.

"Bella," she whimpers.

I grab her hand and pull her down the hall toward the parking lot. "It's fine," I lie again for the like the third time in the last five minutes.

"Hey, wait!" Jessica shouts as we fly past the cafeteria. "Hey! You're going to miss out on the '_Who's the daddy?' _game! We have a great turn out, you guys!"

I whirl around and charge over to stand in front of her. "You are an evil cunt, do you know that?" I growl angrily. "I'm not pregnant. No one is!"

She laughs. "I never cry wolf, Bella. I know _you're _not knocked up. But it was fun making you think I did." Her eyes dart to Rosalie. "So, who was it, Rose? Royce? We all know you two were fucking on the sly. You didn't hide it very well," she snorts in disgust. "I had such respect for you until you started hanging out with losers." She eyes me when she says this.

"Say one more word," I say through clenched teeth.

Lauren and Jennifer walk outside the cafeteria with a few other people following them. I see Mike hiding in the back and roll my eyes. Tyler Crowley is usually a cool guy and I can see that he's not comfortable with the way things are going down. Then I see assholes like Eric Yorkie and Brendan Richards slink up to the group and eye Rosalie with distaste.

"So, who was right?" Lauren asks. "Royce? Or maybe that college guy you were boning last summer? I got my money on the college guy."

"No way!" Jennifer scoffs. "It's so the foreign exchange student from France. You know how Rose has a thing for accents." She winks at us. "Time to 'fess up, Rose! Who's the daddy?"

Rosalie is frozen where she stands and I can see that no one's home. She's shutting down, little by little. Her eyes are glazed over and her hands are fisted at her sides. "I… I…" she stumbles for something to say. "It's none of your business!" she shouts, and I see a flash of the old, fearless Rosalie.

But Jessica sees the holes and cracks in Rose's usually solid stone walls. She picks and probes and then kicks a foot straight through. "Aw, Rosie. Why aren't you denying any of this?" She juts her lip out in mock sadness.

I start to count inside my head to calm myself down. If I make it to one hundred, I might be able to keep myself from beating the ever-loving shit out of Jessica. As of right now, I can barely make it to ten.

Her eyes light up excitedly. "Oh, hey! Is that how and you and Cullen got to be an item, Bella? Did you meet through Rose and Royce? I mean, you know… you two have been fucking for weeks now. I wonder if Jasper knows about you—"

I fly forward to shove her back as hard as I possibly can. She would have fallen on her ass if not for her minions on each side of her. I scowl and ready myself to shove her again, maybe even plow a fist into her wide-eyed face.

"I never cheated on Jasper!" I scream at her. "I'm so sick of you, Jessica! What the hell is your problem with me? I've never done _anything _to you! And why would you attack Rosalie? To be more popular? Newsflash, Stanley! Everyone secretly _hates _you!"

"No, actually, they all hate _you!_" She surges back into my face. "And anyway, this isn't always about _you!_ This is about Rosalie drilling our asses into the ground for Nationals and then screwing us all in the ass!"

I watch in stunned silence as lots of the girls on the cheer squad nod their heads in agreement with Jessica.

"It's one thing to be a hard-ass, but Rose takes it to a whole new level," Lauren speaks up, a newfound bravery washing over her usually timid personality. "I can recount _several _times I've been pulled to the side and reprimanded for the stupidest mistakes known to man."

"Not to mention, she fucking kicked me off the squad for being late to a few practices, and for gaining a few pounds when I came back from Puerto Rico two summers ago!" Jennifer shouts. "Who's going to be the fat-ass now, Rosalie, huh? Oh, that's right—_you are_."

I pause. Rose is behind me and I squeeze her hand in mine.

Irina stands behind the Jessica with her arms crossed. I glance over at Tia to see a regretful expression on her face as she nods her head in agreement. I suddenly have a mini-flashback of the time when Rosalie chewed her out one day for coming to school without getting her uniform pressed. She benched Tia that day and made her go home early to fix the problem.

Rose is a perfectionist. No doubt about that. Which is why this slip up with Royce is so uncharacteristic for her. But she's still my best friend, and I'll still defend her to the end. No matter her guilt, I'll always have her back.

"That is so irrelevant!" I shout. "You are publically humiliating her because you couldn't handle the truth? At least she did it privately! She didn't broadcast your shit in front of the entire fucking school!"

Jessica's face turns red. "No, she just made us the laughing stock at Nationals. Once it gets out that our head cheerleader is knocked up? We're fucked. So, _thank you_, Rosalie!" She salutes Rose sarcastically. "I may have put your shit on blast in front of the school, but you made the entire squad look ridiculous in front of the entire nation. So, no… I _don't _feel bad. It's not my fault you're a whore and can't even remember who the father is. You and Bella make an awesome pair, two dirty slu—"

I slap her hard across the face. "If you ever insult Rose again, I swear to God, I will end your fucking life," I growl out the warning that I mean with every fiber of my being. I glance at all the girls around us. "Same goes to all of you. Don't believe me?" I scoff. "Well guess who's your new head cheerleader, bitches? That's right… _me_."

Most of the girls pipe down, but Jessica is furious. Her face has gone a whole new shade of plum. "You fucking _bitch!_ I hate you!"

I roll my eyes.

"And that _still _doesn't answer the question. Who's bastard child is that in there, Rose?" Her voice shakes as she speaks, her resolve fading quickly.

"It's mine!"

We all whirl around to see Emmett come up behind Rosalie and pull her to his side in a comforting hug. "Got a problem with that?" He eyes each and every shocked face around us.

A few guys on the team shake their heads no and Jessica's face has paled considerably.

Emmett glares at the guys who are still standing around. "What the fuck are you staring at?" he snaps. "Get out of my face or I'll breaks yours. If any of you mess with Rosalie or Bella again about this, I will personally make you regret it."

His threat sends everyone away in a mere matter of seconds. I rush over to Rosalie and pull her away from Emmett and into my arms. She presses her face into my shoulder and lets out the first of many sobs.

"Come on," Emmett says softly and ushers us to the parking lot. "I'll take you guys wherever you want to go. I don't think Rose is up to staying here for the rest of the day."

I nod and we settle ourselves into the back of Emmett's black Lincoln Navigator. He drives us to my house and follows us inside where I set Rosalie down on the couch and go about making her some hot tea. I can hear Emmett talking to her softly from where I work in the kitchen, and when she starts to cry again, I feel a tug on my heart. I lean forward onto the counter and take a deep breath. I feel tears welling in my eyes, but I know I have to stay strong for Rose.

"Hey," Emmett's voice startles me from behind. "Whoa!" He holds his hands up innocently. "Just coming to see if you're okay."

I swallow a ball of sadness and nod my head. "I'm fine. It's Rose I'm worried about."

"Yeah, me, too," he replies and scratches behind his ear. "I kinda had a hunch that she might have been… but I wasn't sure." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry I kind of butted in and did what I did. I just couldn't handle watching all of them gang up on her like that, and I don't know, I guess I just—"

I take a step forward and hug him. "Thank you, Emmett," I whisper.

He blinks down at me for a moment. "Uh, no problem." His mumble is soft and barely above a whisper.

I step back and lean against the counter to run a shaky hand through my hair. "No, really," I sigh and stare back at him genuinely grateful. "What you did…" I open my mouth and pause; I have no idea what to say. "It's… it's above and beyond, Em. You're like a freaking saint—_our _saint."

A slight blush tints his cheeks and he looks away. "I don't know about that…" He looks at me again and takes a deep breath. "But it's Rose, you know? How could I not?"

I feel a tightness in my chest, an unknown surge of something inside of me, that makes me so, so grateful to have Emmett on our side. To know someone as awesome and thoughtful as him is so hard to come by these days.

"Anyway," he clears his throat and steps back, "I gotta go. Football practice and shit, so… I'll call you later, okay? To check in on Rose?"

I nod.

"If you need _anything_," he enunciates, "all you gotta do is ask, Bella. Ask and it's yours. Cool?"

I have to bite my lip to stop it from trembling. I nod again and whisper, "Cool."

-x-

I'm seconds away from dozing off, stuck inside that moment just before you give over to sleep—it's fuzzy and disorienting, but you know it will all be fine as soon as you close your eyes and exhale. Rosalie is out cold with her head on a pillow over my lap. My fingers run through her blonde strands soothingly, the way I know she likes to be petted. My movement slows as I near unconsciousness and my head hits the back of the couch just as my fingers slide to a stop over her brow.

And my phone starts to ring that annoying iPhone default jungle tone that makes me want to break it every time I hear it. My eyes fly open and I gasp softly just before my hand darts out to grab my phone off the coffee table in front of me. Rosalie groans and I quickly—but gently—slip out from under her and set her back down onto the couch. She stirs but doesn't wake. Thank God.

"Yeah?" I answer my phone without looking at the caller ID.

"Where the _fuck _are you, Bella?" Edward roars into my ear.

I inhale sharply and look down at my phone to see the time. It's way past school being let out, and practice would've been over twenty minutes ago had we gone. I bite down on my lip and clench my eyes shut tight.

"_Answer _me, goddamn it!" he snaps a second time. "Your car is still in the parking lot, but Tyler told me you haven't been at school all day. What the _fuck_, Bella?" He doesn't sound like himself. He's not just mad; he's… _worried_. Scared?

I gulp. "I can explain—"

"Do you have any idea what the hell has been going through my mind? I called your phone fifteen fucking times and got your voicemail every time!" he shouts, and I can hear his car engine roar in the background.

I shake my head, confused—and also a little pissed off. "Edward, this is the first time I've heard my phone ring."

"Bullshit!" he barks out. "Don't fucking lie to me, Isabella!"

I shiver when he says my name. "Edward, calm down. Come to my house. I'm here with Rosalie. Something happened earlier and…" I sigh and comb a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry I forgot to call you. Don't be mad. I'm sorry, okay?"

Why do I keep apologizing? I didn't do anything wrong. I pull the phone down to check my missed calls and realize instantly that I have Rosalie's phone in my hand. "Wait a second," I gasp. "You called Rosalie's phone!"

"Damn right I did, you weren't answering yours!" he scolds me like a child.

I don't have to ask where he got the number. My guess is Royce gave it to him.

"Who drove you home?" he growls. "I saw both of your cars in the parking lot. Are you fucking around behind my back?"

I cannot believe he just said that. "No, I'm not fucking around behind your back! I can't believe you just asked me that!" There is a pressure against my chest all of the sudden.

"Well, what am I supposed to think, huh?" He attempts to defend his actions.

"Emmett drove us to my house, is that okay? Or am I supposed to check in with you every five minutes?" I angrily throw his own words back at him and walk into the kitchen as I struggle to keep my voice down. "I needed to get out of there quickly. You know, since my best friend had her situation blasted out in front of the entire school. I'm sorry I forgot to call and ask for your fucking permission to get my friend out of there."

"Don't you turn this shit around on me." He's upset and bordering on the point of no return—I can hear it in his tone. I need to reassure him before he does something stupid. "All I needed was a call to know where you were, so I don't go out my fucking mind wondering where the fuck you are. Is that too hard to ask? Even a text message would have been enough!"

"Why are you yelling at me?" I clench my free hand into a fist at my side. "I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't thinking about anything but Rose at the time. I just barely got her to calm down and get some rest. Damn it, Edward! Don't make me feel bad for being there for my friend, okay? I said I was sorry."

I hear him breathe. In. Out. Slowly and deeply. "I'm outside," he grumbles and then hangs up.

I check on Rosalie one more time, and when I'm sure she's still asleep, I head outside to meet Edward on the porch. His car comes to an abrupt stop in front of my house, and when he kills the engine, I watch him sit inside his car and stare at the steering wheel. I know he's trying to calm down. Probably counting like he was told to do in his anger management classes. It doesn't always work, but I hope today it does.

He lights up a cigarette and pushes his door open. I take one small step forward, and when I see his face, I lose my breath and propel myself toward him. My feet cannot move fast enough as I run across the lawn to get to him.

"Oh, my God, Edward. What happened?" I ask as I reach up to touch his bruised and bloodstained face. I cringe when he winces and pulls away from my hands painfully.

"Stop," he grumbles with his cigarette between his lips.

I pull it from his mouth and stomp on it. "Come inside," I reply and slam his car door shut. "I'm not going to say it again," I warn him with a look. He complies and curls a finger around a belt loop on the back of my jeans to follow me.

I don't know why, but that small gesture of his makes me feel calmer than before. I reach behind me for his hand and bring it up to my lips. We pause just outside my front door, and as I reach for the handle, he jerks me backward until my back hits against the front of his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispers in my ear and then kisses behind my neck. "Don't be mad at me. I was worried."

I clench my eyes shut and nod my head. "Are you going to tell me what happened to your face?" I ask softly. I already know the answer, but I still hold out hope.

"It doesn't matter," he says and pulls me around to face him. His mouth dips down to mine and I allow him to kiss me. It tastes of copper.

I push him away. "_Tell. Me._" I demand him.

He curses under his breath. "There was a situation I had to handle. A fight I had to break apart. It's over now." He swoops down and dominates my mouth before I can comment.

Kissing Edward is unlike any kiss I've ever felt before. When he kisses me—hell, even when he looks at me or touches me—it feels like there are hundreds of butterfly wings fluttering around inside of me. He makes my skin tingle with the expectation of his touch. My heart always beats two times faster when his eyes are on me. I burn like the heart of a flame on a match when he's wrapped around me.

It scares the living hell out of me.

To feel this strongly about someone is new and so far from exciting that it makes my knees tremble and want to give out. The only thing scarier is _not _having Edward in my life as mine. _Mine_. Yes, I've become possessive and even jealous at times. It's not something I'm proud of.

"Come inside," I whisper and pull away from our kiss. He groans and tries to move forward to kiss me again, but I laugh softly and pull back to prevent him from getting what he wants. My hands lift up to cradle his face. "Because you look like shit." I smirk at him and then lean forward and kiss his lips. I'm so glad they seemed to have survived whatever attacked his face.

"Is…" He gulps and his eyes search behind me inside the house. "Is she…" He lifts his chin in the direction of the living room.

"She's asleep," I answer with a sigh. "I don't know how they found out, but now everyone knows. They put decorations all over the cafeteria and on both of our lockers." I frown at the memory and bury my face into Edward's chest when he pulls me into his arms. "I feel terrible for her. I wish I could help her, but I don't know how."

His hands rub up and down my back in a way that makes me want to curl up into a ball and snuggle in his lap like a kitten. I all but purr as I shiver and nuzzle his chin with my nose and scratch the side of my face against his slight stubble. Sometimes it scares me how much my body reacts to him—like it needs him more than wants him.

I never thought that admitting to my feelings would mean to lose what little sanity I had left in me.

"Maybe I should go," he sighs and runs a hand through his unruly hair. "I got shit I need to do, and I really should go home and change first." He starts to back away, and before I can fathom what I'm doing, my hand darts out to fist his jacket lapels.

"Edward," my eyes bore deeply into his, "stay."

He lets out a shoddy breath of air and leans his forehead to mine.

"Stay with me," I whisper.

I lick my lips and bring my mouth upward to collide with his. I don't want to face the rest of today alone. I have no idea how to handle Rosalie's situation, and I just feel like having Edward with me would be the calm I need to take hold of things. If having him here makes her upset, then I'll ask him to leave. But I don't think that will be the case—she doesn't seem to mind him too much. When I talk about him with her, she smiles and listens and adds her own comments.

She wouldn't do that if she didn't like him, right?

-x-

There are several things about Edward that I've come to know. The more time we spend together, the more I learn about him. I should be more specific: the more I learn about his _mannerisms_. He's very polite when his guard is down and he's fully relaxed. He never really tells me anything too personal about himself outside of the present. I know no history of his childhood, other than the fact that it must not have been all that great for him to become emancipated at the ripe age of sixteen.

"Pass me that carton of eggs, will you?" he utters distractedly while chopping potatoes into small cubes.

He looks so focused and driven on the task at hand that I find myself enthralled and unable to move. I would have never thought of Edward as a cook, not that he'd call himself one either, but he knows more than I do. He's making chorizo, potato, and egg burritos. I have no idea what the hell that means. All I know is that he looks super hot doing it.

I want him to do _me_.

His hair is pushed back to stay out of his face, his arm sleeves are pushed up to his elbows, and a small dish rag hangs over his left shoulder. I watch as he cups both his hands together full of chopped potatoes and drops them into a large glass bowl beside him. The sound of crackling oil on a skillet breaks me out of my daydream and I finally do as he asked.

"Crack a few of those for me?" he says over his shoulder right before he starts to scoops the potatoes onto the pan.

I stand there staring down at the bowl and the eggs while twiddling my thumbs. Exactly how many does "a few" constitute as? Five? Six? Eleven?

"Umm…" I bite my lip and lift an egg up into my hand. "How many do you want me to crack? Oh, and how do I crack this thing without making a huge mess? The last time I tried this, bad things happened."

He turns slightly to look at me with an amused smirk on his face. "You know, when you said you're not much a cook, I never expected that you wouldn't know a damn thing about being in the kitchen." Then he laughs. He _laughs_!

My cheeks color in embarrassment and I cross my arms over my chest defensively. "My mom went through a feminist phase, okay? She thought cooking was degrading," I explain to him. "So, we ate out… _a lot_. Then she met my stepdad, Phil, and suddenly wanted to become Little Miss Suzy Homemaker. That lasted about a week, because she nearly burned down the apartment."

He chuckles and moves back to the skillet to stir the potatoes around. "Wow." He shakes his head. "What about your grandmother?"

I shrug. "Mom and I lived with her for a little while before we got our own place. But I was too young at the time to pick up on anything, if I was shown it." I hop up onto the counter and toss an egg back and forth between my hands. "Grams passed away when I was twelve," I shrug and try to skim over the memory of her last few months.

Cancer sucks.

"My grandfather was a great cook, or so I've heard, but he was gone before I was born. My dad lives off fast food and fish. He did show me, however, how to make one hell of a 'mandwich.'" I laugh softly and push his hip with the toe of my Converse.

He grabs my foot and I yelp as he jerks me to the end of the counter and moves so that he stands between my legs. He slides his hands up my thighs and grins triumphantly when I tremble beneath his touch. "I love how responsive you are to my touch, Bella. Turns me right the fuck on."

I tremble again and lean over to curl into him so that he'll wrap his arms around me. His skin is warm, his chin is rough, his breath is cinnamon, and his heart pounds heavily within his chest. I love the sound it makes. _Thump. Thump. Thump._ It makes me feel like I control it. If I touch him a certain way, it speeds up, and if I comfort him, it slows down. I press my palm over his chest where his heart is, much like the night we officially met, and its beat is thunderous. A small storm brewing from within. It scares me sometimes—all the time. How connected I feel to him, and him to me.

He touches my cheek with the backs of his fingers, trails them over my lips and down my throat. He likes to trace my face a lot—he says he does it to remind himself that I'm real. That _we _are real, and living in the moment, together. Three months ago, if he'd said that to me, I would have laughed in his face and told him to get lost. But now, it's the most passionate expression of feelings ever made.

We stand there staring into each other's eyes, not speaking, not blinking—I'm not sure if we're even breathing. I take a deep breath and instantly inhale a suspicious smell that sends warning bells to my head, but the rest of me refuses to listen. It's me, and it's Edward, and it's us. I pull him toward me and our mouths collide. We lose ourselves in each other and the bells are ringing louder than ever, and just when I start to think I'm going crazy, I realize that it's not in my head.

It's fucking smoke detector.

"Shit!" Edward curses and quickly removes the pan of burning potatoes into the empty sink.

Smoke fills the air and I cringe and cough from it. I jump down from the counter and turn the fan on over the stove then move about the kitchen to open windows. When I look at Edward again, I cover my mouth with my hands to keep from laughing. His lips twitch and I know he wants to laugh, too. I drop my hands down at my sides and start to giggle. His eyes turn mischievous and he whips the towel off his shoulder and twists it up to smack me with as he charges my way.

"Don't even," I warn him in a playful but serious tone.

He charges and I end up squealing at him to stop just as the first whip hits me right on my ass. It stings and I want to shout, but I don't want to wake Rose so I whisper-curse him out. For some odd reason, this seems to turn Mr. Stud on, because he darts forward and yanks me up in the air so that my legs wrap around his waist. His lips are on mine.

Warm, soft, and welcome. His kiss is urgent and dominant against my own submissive mouth. How could I have ever thought that I could live without this? Edward can be so domineering most of the time, and I yet find myself susceptible to him. It's crazy-weird, and unexplainable, but I'm becoming addicted to it, dependent on it even. To him. To _this_. To us. I worked so hard to try and avoid this. I don't want to be one of those girls who lose themselves in a relationship.

But every second I spend with Edward, I feel myself falling deep down into an indefinite abyss. There is no end, because I keep falling and I haven't hit the bottom yet. Is there even a bottom to this feeling I have when I'm with him? Does he feel it, too? The way he kisses me and holds me and touches me makes me think that he does. I _feel _like we're on the same page, but I can never be sure. Because despite our connection, and our sudden devotion, and caution thrown to the wind… He still won't open up. He doesn't talk about anything too personal in his life but is all ears when it comes to mine.

I feel his hand travel up the back of my shirt to press his open palm against the small of my back and then upward to just below my bra. His hand is rough and warm and causes my nerves to spasm and my skin to tingle wherever it goes. I shiver in his arms and break our kiss to stare down into his hungry gaze.

"What the fuck is this?" I ask him.

His head shakes slowly. "I don't know," he answers honestly, in a breathless tone, "but I can't fucking stop." His lips are on mine once again.

"Don't stop," I pant as I tilt my head back. "Never stop."

"Never stop," he whispers across my throat.

-x-

It's no surprise to me when we end up ordering pizza. I tell Edward that it's okay, because in this house, pizza is at the top of the Swan Family food group. We wait in the kitchen even though I want to go up to my room. He's never seen my room before. It's done purposely, of course. I refuse to allow him into my room until he allows me all the way into his head.

His response is to say he's not ready for that yet. So I remain unmoving on my decision to keep him away from the one part of me he can't have: my room. Which everyone knows is an important place to any human being. It's a very personal spot—a sanctuary you go to for comfort and honesty. There are no lies told inside one's room, because it's just you and the four walls that surround you. You cannot lie to yourself, no matter how hard you try.

Believe me, I've tried.

"She's been asleep for a long time," Edward says as he absently runs the back of his finger down the side of my cheek. "You sure she's okay?"

I nuzzle into his hand and pull it to my lips. I love his hands. If I could, I'd have them on me at all times of the day, no matter where we were. "She's just exhausted is all." I sigh and lean my cheek into his open palm. My body is turned toward him, one leg bent over his knee to help pull me closer when I feel like I'm too far away. The pizza box sits in the middle of the table, half-eaten and forgotten. It's just the two of us now.

"I should probably go before she wakes up," he sighs as he cups my chin in his hand and slides his thumb over my bottom lip. But then he yanks it back quickly when I look like I'm going to bite it. Which we both know I so would have. I'm a fucking biter, man. Especially when it comes to him. I've never in my entire life felt so insanely possessive of someone. What the hell is wrong with me?

I laugh softly and take his hand between mine so that I can stare down at it and trace every knuckle and scar with my fingertips. "You fight too much." I frown at his scars.

He pulls his hand away and uses it to support the back of my head as he draws me to his face. I close my eyes and wait for his lips to touch mine…

"What?" I peek open an eye when he doesn't kiss me right away.

He's silent, and suddenly I feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise. His gaze is fixed over my shoulder and I know that Rosalie is awake behind me. My hands slide from around his neck to his shoulders, then down his chest. It's an involuntary move on my part—I just _need _to feel every inch of him when I can. Because when he leaves, I'll need it to help get me through the night.

"Hey you," I say when I untangle myself from Edward and stare up at Rosalie innocently. "We saved you some pizza, sleepyhead."

Her eyes are trained on us, analyzing where our hands are at—mine, pulling my hair back into a ponytail, and one of his is resting over my thigh—, how our bodies are angled—mine is forward, and his slightly still facing me—, and the looks on our faces—mine, overly trying to be normal, and his, blank in anticipation of her reaction to seeing him.

"Thanks," she utters softly and lifts the top off the pizza box to look inside. Her shoulders are tense, but her stomach growls and I know she's hungry.

"You feeling better?" I ask her more seriously than before and reach over to link our pinkies together.

She nods and squeezes my pinky with hers before she pulls away to grab a paper plate. I feel better than I did before. She's okay. Possibly slightly uncomfortable right now, but okay nonetheless. Yeah, we're telepathic like that. I get up to grab her a bottle of water, and as I lift it from the fridge, I wiggle it in the air to ask Edward if he'd like one, too. He tilts his chin down then up and I grab two more for both of us along with Rose's.

"So, I'm guessing she told you about earlier," Rosalie says to Edward just before she takes a giant bite of pizza. I guess her comfort zone is branching out a bit; this makes me extremely happy. I almost skip back to my seat.

"Yeah," he answers her and twists the cap from his water to take a sip. "Pretty fucked up friends you got there."

She snorts. "Yeah, I guess."

"Screw them!" I scowl and smack my hand onto the table angrily. Edward's hand immediately goes to squeeze the spot just above my knee. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself. "They're assholes." I speak softer this time.

"I should call Emmett and thank him later," she says into her food. "If he still wants to be my friend after this."

I shake my head at her incredulously. "Rose, you're crazy! He's totally on your side. I'm shocked that you would even question that right now. He threatened everyone at school if they even dared to bother you or me again." I feel Edward's grip on my leg tighten and I reach down to slide my hand over his as I continue. "All Emmett cared about when we got here was how you were doing."

Rose drops her pizza down on her plate and glares over at me. "Why are you doing this right now, Bella?" she chews me out. "In front of _him _of all people?"

"Don't yell at her." Edward uses as calm a voice as he can. I immediately tense up and rip Edward's hand from my leg to clutch it between mine.

Rosalie scowls at him, but says nothing.

"Edward, stop," I warn him.

"I'll leave if you want me to," he continues softly to Rose, "but don't fucking yell at her. Not in front of me." He somehow manages to add the last part without sounding like a total asshole.

"Wow," she mocks him. "Seriously, Cullen? You wanna go there? 'Cause I don't think I have enough fingers to count the number of times _you've _yelled at her."

The fire in his eyes ignites and I grow insanely nervous. "I asked you as politely as I'm able to." His tone is a warning.

"You don't _fucking_ know me," Rose spits venomously, "so you don't get to tell me what to do." Her eyes roam to mine. "And _you're_ supposed to be my best friend—"

"I _am _your best friend!" I cry out in exasperation. "Rose, don't be mad. I thought you'd be cool with Edward because you said he was okay."

"Yeah, I said that, but it doesn't mean I want to be chummy with him!" she shouts across the table. "Whatever I say he can take right back to Royce."

"He would never do that!" I quickly defend him. "Would you?" I turn to ask him.

"No." He shakes his head.

"See?" I say to Rose in satisfaction.

Then Edward opens his mouth again. "But if I heard something that I think he should know, then I'm not going to lie to his face about it."

I cringe. What the hell was I thinking when I thought it was okay to include him in my talk with Rosalie?

"Rose is right." Edward stands. "I shouldn't be here right now. I don't want to get in the middle of things. I'm sorry."

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever," her tone is flat and dismissive, "you can leave now."

"Rosalie!" I gasp.

Edward stops me from getting up. "It's cool. I get it," he says to her and then leans over and kisses my lips in goodbye. But he doesn't leave yet. "Yeah, Royce has done everything wrong so far," he admits to Rose in confidence. "But then again, so have you."

Rose's eyes widen just as mine do. The fuck?

Explain yourself, Edward Cullen.

"I'll go, and if you don't want me around you, then I won't be." His words are directed at Rosalie. "But please don't take your shit with Royce out on Bella just because she's with me now. 'Cause that's fucked up and you know it."

Rosalie's cheeks flush. "Why are you still standing in this kitchen?" her voice is filled with irritation.

"Edward, seriously." I shake my head at him. "_Stop it_."

"I'm leaving." He takes a step away from the table. "But come on, Rose. You don't have to like him, but you can at least treat him with _some_ respect, all right? That's his kid in there, too." He points at her stomach. "He's just as messed up about this as you are. Even if he doesn't show it, or act like it, okay?"

His tone is civil, but I still feel like I want to tell him to shut the fuck up. "Just as messed up?" I sneer at him in complete disbelief. This time I do stand up. "I highly doubt that, Edward. Does he have a baby growing in his fucking uterus? Does he have to tell his stick-up-their-ass parents? Are people at school hanging baby shit from his locker and laughing in his face about this? _Tell me!_" I shout at him.

Edward glares at me and holds his hands up at his sides. "I don't want to turn this into a fight, okay?"

"Well, you should have thought of that before you opened your mouth," Rosalie's mouth sets into a very thin line.

I place my hand onto her shoulder and scowl at Edward. "You and I will talk about this later. But right now? I really want you to leave."

He sighs, irritated. "Bella, I—"

"Get out, Cullen!" I scream.

I watch his jaw set and clench. He's pissed. Well, so am I.

"Fine." He scowls and storms out the house.

I flinch when the front door slams shut and I sit back down at the table. I bridge my hands together to lean my forehead against them as I rest my elbows on the tabletop. His car roars to life and he peels out angrily down the street.

_Fuck_.

I feel a sting inside of me in regards to the way Edward left, but I know we'll deal with it later. It's nothing he's said or done, I just _know_. Just like I _know_ Rose and Edward will butt heads harder than two bucks in a dense forest.

When I finally raise my head, I see that Rosalie has been watching me. Her eyes are calculating and her mouth is set into a firm, blank expression. I cannot read a single thought across her face and I know she's purposely hiding from me. I set my hands down onto the table and straighten up to stare directly at her.

"Is this going to be a problem?" I ask her point-blank.

"He'll be fine," Rose exhales a breath and sets her phone down after checking it for messages. "Cullen," she clarifies herself after seeing my blank look. "He'll get over it."

I roll my eyes at her. "I know he will. I need to know if _you _can handle this, Rose?"

Her eyes close as she inhales a deep breath through her nose. "I think now is a good time to set down some ground rules, Bella." Her hands clasp together on top of the table and her gaze moves to mine.

I mirror her posture and wait for her to continue. Well, this is going to be fun.

"Here are my terms," she starts.

"Terms?" She's unbelievable. "What the hell, Rose? Are we writing up a contract now? Am I going to be in the middle of a custody battle?"

Her gaze narrows at me. "My _terms_ go as follows..."

I roll my eyes and lean back.

"If you want to have your cake and to eat it, too? You better damn well pay attention to what I have to say right now, Isabella," she means business.

Whoa. I sit upright again. Yes, _ma'am_.

She nods once she knows I'm in agreement. "Number one, no talking about Emmett, Royce, or my personal business in front of Cullen." Her eyes bore into mine to show her seriousness. "I mean it."

I nod. "Got it."

"Number two, if I tell you a secret, you are not allowed to go back to Cullen and share it with him. I don't care if you trust him. I don't even care if he actually _is _trustable. Just… _no_, Bella." She frowns.

I nod again. "Okay."

I watch her sigh and relax in her chair a bit. "I know I can't take over all of your free time," her frown deepens, "but I'm scared that, at some point, I'm going to really need you." Her shoulders shrug slightly. "And so will _he,_ and you'll have to choose…" She pauses to look down at her hands. "And I'm just really worried that… that you'll choose… _him_…" Her eyes start to water.

"Rosalie!" I shout and jump up from my seat to get to her.

She cringes. "I know I sound like a total selfish bitch, but I promised not to lie to you anymore. This is how I feel…"

"You big dork." I roll my eyes and sit in the chair beside her as I grab her hands. "I would _never _leave you behind for _anyone_." I can't believe she would ever question me. "Hoes over bros, bitch." I lift a fist up for her to bump.

She laughs very soft and nods her head.

"Well, don't leave me hanging!" I scold her teasingly with my fist still held up in wait.

She lifts her hand into a fist.

"Say it, out loud," I prompt her playfully.

Her beautiful violet eyes roll as she fights to hold back a smile. "Hoes over bros."

I grin. "Chicks before dicks."

We bump fists.

She starts to pick at her pizza and lifts a pepperoni piece to her lips with a smirk. I raise my brow in question and she snickers. "It's just…" She covers her mouth to hide her laugh.

"What?" I pinch her to tell me.

She smacks my hand away from her. "It's just that, now that you've actually _had _the dick, I highly doubt it's going to be as easy as you think to turn him away when it's time to go home and he says he can't sleep unless you get him off."

My eyes widen at her and then we both burst out laughing until our sides hurt. I'm happy we can laugh like this again. I'm relieved that she's willing to compromise with Edward after their little showdown a few minutes ago.

"Oh, my little Bell," she cups the side of my face, "all grown up now."

I stick my tongue out at her and grab my phone to text Edward.

_No sex until you apologize. _

His response is not immediate, in fact, it takes him well over an hour to text me back. When he does, I know we're going to be fine.

_I'll apologize while we have sex. _

-x-

_**Irritation  
>Expectation<strong>_

_**Bridge to break**_  
><em><strong>Still time to make it<strong>_  
><em><strong>Rile me up<strong>_  
><em><strong>And you make me wait<strong>_  
><em><strong>Bridge to break<strong>_  
><em><strong>Still time to make,<strong>_  
><em><strong>Got time to make it<strong>_

_**Cold love,**_  
><em><strong>You loosen my alignments,<strong>_  
><em><strong>Oh I<strong>_  
><em><strong>Lie when I say I won't go down<strong>_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Commotion _by_ The Hundred in the Hands_.

DOWNLOAD their self-titled album _**The Hundred In The Hands**_. Best decision you will ever make!

I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, and **Typokween Writes** on Facebook. (_pssst:_ I post teasers on Twitter!)

**TK's FRIDAY FIC REC**: _Cliché_ by _suzie55. _(I know you're all already reading this, if not you cray-cray!)

Today my office had a false alarm fire drill, it gave me a very fun and kinky idea (it also gave someone else an idea on twittah!).

**See you next Friday!**


	20. A Heavy Abacus: The Party – Pt 1

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

**SHOUT OUTS—**_**Jess: **__ILY.__** DarlingSaila: **__Everyone needs to bow down right now and kiss this girl's feet. She is the reason this chapter is here for you now—because I sure as hell was not going to post what I had at first. Thank you Kaia, seriously. You have no idea. __**RoseArcadia: **__you fucking rock. Seriously? The blinkie? Yeah, I saved it on my phone so I can watch it whenever I want—which is every five minutes. _

_Link to the fuckAWESOME blinkie made by the great RoseArcadia is on my profile. _

To see Edward & Bella's costumes, check out my TSB tumblr. I will have what Edward's apartment looks like posted there too. Link in profile, scroll all the way down.

_**Everyone: **_Thank you to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. I truly appreciate it and you. :)

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you run into your ex with your new boyfriend.

**Ch. 20:** _A Heavy Abacus: The Party – Pt 1_

"…_But I really think that you should know… I just came to say hello!_" I shout the lyrics to some song I like, which features an awesome band, Dragonette, at the top of my lungs. My windows are down, my music is high, and so am I… Well, no, not really. I'm going to be, though. Very soon, in fact.

I roll to a stop in as close a parking space as I can find near Edward's apartment and turn my car off. The music dies instantly, and I hop outside and hit the door with my hip to close it. It's Friday, and Rose has promised to cover for me if Dad asks where I am.

It's also three days until Halloween.

My favorite fucking holiday ever. When I was a kid, I used to live for this day. Who the hell wouldn't love dressing up, scaring the shit out of people, and getting free candy? Scary movie marathons all month, pranks and tricks being played on everyone, fake cobwebs and ghosts hanging from almost every house, Halloween-themed candy displayed in dishes on almost every desk or table…

It's fucking glorious.

Armed with a duffel bag full of horror movie DVDs and junk food, I nearly skip up the stairs to Edward's apartment. I'm humming Marilyn Manson's version of _This is Halloween_ when I get to the front door, and just before I raise a fist to knock, it swings open and all I see is a white mask and black cloak coming straight at me. Which, of course, makes me scream at the top of my lungs and drop everything in my arms just as I swing one back to strike.

But then I hear a very familiar snicker come from behind what I now realize is the mask from the _Scream_ movies. I watch as Edward pulls the mask back with a giant grin on his face, and right then, I release my fist and punch him square in his arm.

"Fuck!" he shouts with wide eyes and grabs his arm. Then he laughs harder and looks down at me. "Aww, babe, c'mon. I was just playing." He bends down to level his gaze with mine. "Did I really scare you?"

My thumping heart is screaming profanities at him right now.

With a murderous glare, I bend over and start to gather the things I've dropped. "You're an asshole," I growl at him, and then I yelp when I feel his hand slap my ass, which is unintentionally pointed in his direction.

"No, I'm an ass-_man_. There's a difference." He pretends to preen and admire my butt.

I straighten up and press a hand to his chest to push him back a step, and then I slide the other into the backs of his jeans to squeeze his delectable ass. "What a coincidence," I utter devilishly, "cause so am I."

His eyes blaze. "Don't start the engine if you don't plan on riding it, dollface."

I blush profusely.

"You know what I've always wanted to know?" he asks as he brings his body closer to mine. Aligning our torsos so that there is barely an inch between us, I feel my breath hitch when he lifts a crooked finger to caress my cheek with his knuckles.

I gulp and shake my head.

His grin grows wider and his fingers feather down my throat and over my chest, all the way south, to the front of my jeans. Then he bends slightly to whisper into my ear, "Just how far does that blush of yours go?"

I tremble before him and he loves it—how he effects me. I love it, too.

I fist the front of his shirt in my hands and pull him to me. "Why don't you look and find out?"

His eyes widen as the invitation to undress is made. His fingers make haste with my zipper, sliding it down and then shoving my jeans from my hips. He pulls me inside and slams the door shut behind me so that he can push me against it. My hands yank his shirt over his head, and soon after, mine flutters down to our feet. I toe off my Converse and step out of my jeans, kicking them across the room and then reaching out to bring Edward's mouth back to mine.

We start a small game of tug-o-war with each other. Push—_pull_. Shove—_yank_. My back hits the wall and his mouth his hot against my throat. His hands clench around my hips and I'm lifted up off the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist and I feel the muscles in his abdomen clench tight against my heated sex.

"Bedroom," I say to him breathlessly.

He shakes his head. "No, right here."

He carries us into the living room and lays me onto the suede chaise. It feels wonderful against my tingling flesh. I feel like I have sparklers under my skin, soaring through my bloodstream. I can almost hear them crackle each time Edward touches me. He still has his jeans on—I want them off. I reach for his zipper, and suddenly…

His fucking phone starts ringing.

"_Fuck_," he curses into my shoulder. I can feel his cock through his jeans and I slide my hand over it. He groans and nips at my collarbone, teasing me with his teeth.

His phone rings again.

He never lets it go to voicemail—he can't stand when people don't answer their phones. I know he's going to answer when he removes his hand from my hair and slides it down my body. Before he gets to his pocket, I sneak in and steal it first.

"Edward Cullen's phone," I purr seductively into the receiver, "how may I take your message since Mr. Cullen is unavailable? Currently, he's trapped between my—"

"I get it," Alice hisses out with spite. "Can you just put him on the phone?"

I roll my eyes and press _speaker_. "You're on with Edward and Bella, what can we do for you today?" I tease further in my best radio personality voice. I know full well she wants to speak with my boyfriend in private, but I just can't seem to be mature enough to let her.

"Take me off speaker, Edward!" Alice lashes out angrily.

I arch my brow in challenge at him and hold the phone above my head when he reaches for it. His eyes lock with mine and his lips twist up into a grin. I know what he plans to do and it's too late to run before his hands are tickling my sides until I scream for mercy. When I cry out that I give up, he takes his phone and lays it flat on my stomach then leans to lie over my legs.

"What's up, Al?" he asks while playing with the skin around my belly button, circling his middle finger around it continuously.

"Are you done? Do you need more time?" Alice bites out irritably. "Or is it too much to ask that I speak with my best friend?"

I groan and cover my face with my hands as I lean my head back against the couch cushions. He pinches my side and presses a finger to his lips when I glare down at him.

"Don't give me that melodrama, Alice," he grinds out. "I get enough of that from Bella."

My mouth drops open, and I would so kick him right now if he wasn't currently holding my legs hostage beneath his sexy, heavy body.

"Whatever," Alice grunts. "Anyway, I called to see if you heard from Royce today? He's the one who's bringing the drinks tonight and he's not answering any of my text messages."

I watch Edward's face scrunch up curiously. "What do you mean he's not answering you? He's at home, doing jack shit nothing."

"Will you call him and see if he'll answer? Maybe he's just being a dick and ignoring me like Jake is." She doesn't sound happy, but she also doesn't sound too upset about it either.

Edward snorts. "Come on, Al. Can you blame them? You turn into a total control freak when Halloween comes around—or _any _holiday, actually."

"Shut up, I do not!" she whines back.

I roll my eyes for the third time in as many minutes and then get distracted by Edward's fingers feathering back and forth over my stomach. I take his hand between mine and bring it up to my lips to kiss each of his knuckles. He then grabs his phone from my torso and replaces it with his hard, warm chest.

"I'll call Roy and see what's up," Edward gripes into his phone and stares at my lips as I continue to drag them over the back of his hand. His phone beeps, and when he looks down at it, he smirks. "That's him on the other line right now, pipsqueak. I'll have him holler at you in a minute."

They say goodbye and Edward clicks over.

"Where you at?" He brings the phone up to his ear and lays the left side of his face down onto my bosom. I never thought I'd ever refer to my tits as my "bosom," but I can think of no better a term at the moment. It just fits. Like he does. _Perfect_.

"_Home, why?_" I hear Roy bite out from his side of the phone.

I could have heard Alice this way, too, but I made it a point to put her on speaker based simply on fact that she had no idea I could hear every word she said, all while she believed she'd stolen a private moment from me with my boyfriend. I need to grow up, but I just can't seem to do that when it comes to Alice—nor do I even want to.

"Bullshit you're at 'home,'" Edward chastises his friend angrily. "Why are you ignoring Alice?"

"_What do you mean? I haven't spoken to her all fucking day._" Royce bites back.

Edward pushes up into a sitting position and I scurry to follow his lead, leaning my arm against the back of the couch and watching his expression change from angry to anxious. A kaleidoscope of emotions flits over his face and emits through his eyes like a projector in a theater. I lift my hand and brush my fingers through his hair for comfort.

"Alice just called and said you're not answering her calls. You know how she gets about these parties of hers." Edward frowns into his phone. "So, why are you fucking with her?"

Royce gives a deep sigh of frustration. "_I got some shit to handle first, so tell her not to worry. Since when have I not come through for any of you?_" He barks out the last of his sentence defensively.

"What shit do you have to handle?" I watch as my boyfriend's entire body tenses up like a boa constrictor before it strikes. "Talk to me, Roy."

It's almost suffocating to watch Edward and Royce converse over a single phone call, so I'm glad Royce isn't here in person. Lord knows what could have happened. I don't like when Edward is upset, and I've come to learn—through blatant common sense—that he is unable to handle too much emotion at one time. He's like a balloon with too much helium—if I don't do something soon, he's going to pop.

"_It's just some family shit, Cullen. Don't trip off it; it's not your problem. All right?" _Royce sounds as if he wants to say more but can't. Or won't. Either way, it's making Edward more and more on edge.

"No, it's not all right!" Edward explodes and jumps up from the couch to his feet. "What the fuck is going on, Roy? You've been fucking weird ever since we ran into Rose in Port Angeles. Is this because of that guy she was with?"

I flinch upon the mention of my best friend—and Emmett—and glance up at Edward cautiously. I can't hear what Royce is saying anymore, but whatever it is, it's not good news. Edward starts to pace back and forth in front of the couch as he listens to whatever Royce is saying. I have to clench my hands into my lap to keep from jumping up and grabbing the phone from him.

I don't like not knowing what's going on. I especially do not like the look of fear in his eyes, or the slight tremble of his fingers as he shoves them into his hair for the third time in five minutes. He's making me nervous.

"Edward," I call out. "Babe, please sit down."

With one swift pivot toward the couch, he reaches over and yanks me up by my wrist. "We're going to Roy's house," he says to me. Soon after, he's yelling at Royce again. "Well, then, tell me what's going on in that fucking head of yours, then, Royce! We don't do runs without each other—_ever_."

I'm close enough to hear Royce's response. "_Well, Jake is out gettin' pussy and you got Bella with you. I have no choice but to go out on my own._"

"Then I'll go with you." Edward looks down at me and raises a hand to cup my face while I just stand there and stare at him.

"_No, you won't._" I hear Royce sigh in annoyance. "_Besides, I'm already halfway there. Chill out, all right? I'll be fine. Alice will have her drinks, and everything will be fine._"

"Roy," Edward grinds out through gritted teeth, "please don't do this."

"_It's already done, brother. I'll see you in a couple hours_." He hangs up.

I tense up and wait for Edward to blow a fuse as I feel his bicep constrict between my hands when he clenches his cell phone into a tight fist. God, I can't stand Royce. He's nothing but an arrogant troublemaker. Always has been, and always will be. I hope one day Edward will wise up and dump him. At least Jake has his priorities straight and only deals at parties.

"Come on." I pull on his bicep. "I want to show you our costumes for tonight."

"_Our?_" He glances down at me with an indescribable look upon his handsome face. It's something between pissed off and curious.

My hand slides down the inside of his arm—I grin when he shivers—and then I lace our fingers together and pull him down the hall to his room.

"Yes," I chuckle huskily, "_our_."

I turn us around so that he walks backward into his room with my hands pressed to his chest. We move like this, eyes locked and lips between anxious teeth, until the backs of his legs hit the bed and he sits down. I already have his full attention, and I see his muscles relax instantly as the stress and tension leave his body. I hate how irresistible he is now that I know I can have him whenever I want. It excites me to the point of being scared sometimes. My stomach… it does weird things whenever I see him after a period of time _not _seeing him. It can be anywhere from one day to five minutes. When I see him again, I feel… I can't even explain it.

But I never want it to go away.

"Stay." I point at him when he reaches out to pull me onto the bed with him.

He chuckles darkly and licks his lips. "You love telling me what to do, don't you?"

I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and play coy. "Whatever do you mean?" He jerks forward as if to grab me and I yelp and jump away. "Edward!" I scream.

"C'mere." He beckons me closer with two fingers.

I take one step toward him and rub my hands over my bare stomach. I'm in nothing but my underwear and bra since our earlier playtime had been interrupted. By the look I see in Edward's eyes, he wants to pick up right where we left off.

I glide my hands up my body and over my breasts. His breath comes faster and his hands move to his zipper. I bite my bottom lip and take another step toward him while he shoves his jeans down his hips and kicks them to the floor. I reach behind my back to the clasp of my bra and unhook it slowly, sliding the straps down my shoulders one at a time. One of his hands dives into his boxers and he strokes himself while he watches me.

I want him so badly it hurts.

I _need _him to touch me—I want those rough hands of his on my skin—_everywhere_. I want him in me, around me, and through me. I don't waste any more time. I close the gap between us and stand in front of him, with his green irises settled onto my face, his free hand reaches out to slip one finger into the front of my panties to pull me to him.

"What are you doing?" I giggle softly when he peeks inside my underwear.

His eyes travel up my body in a way that is so intense it's like he's touching me with his hands. I can always feelhis gaze like a physical touch whenever it's on me. The sensation only amplifies when we're alone together like this. unhurried and carefully, he sets his hands on my hips and rubs them over my skin light as a feather.

"First," he replies with his eyes still fixed onto mine, "I'm going to make you blush." He brings his lips to my stomach and presses one small kiss there. I shiver, and with his nose, he circles my belly button and my hands move to his hair.

"Then what?" I ask.

He licks his tongue up my torso and open-mouth kisses the underside of my breasts. "Are you blushing yet?"

I nod. My body is on fire, I'm pretty sure I'm way past blushing.

He grins. "Then I think it's time I find out how far that blush of yours goes, Ms. Swan…"

I suck in a quick intake of air. Oh yes, let's do that. But first, I want him to continue his assault on my jugs.

I feel his hair tickle my skin and it puckers up, just like my nipples have. His mouth is hot and wet, and my thighs are rubbing together for the friction I want so badly. My fingers pull at his hair and his hands slide all over my flesh while his mouth sucks and bites and kisses everywhere else. His teeth tease me in the most delicious ways every time they nibble my nipples and it sends a current of pleasure straight down to my pussy. Just when I think I'm going to go mad with lust, he effortlessly lifts me up off my feet so that I straddle him.

His hand plunges down the front of my panties, and with one single finger, he teases me by slicking it back and forth over my clit. More moans escape me, more cries of passion, and then he removes his hand and brings up his glistening finger to his lips, where achingly slow, he flicks his tongue out to taste my arousal.

"You know every part of you tastes so good?" His tone is deep and raspy.

That is the sexiest motherfucking sentence ever uttered to me in my human existence.

I fly forward to kiss his lips frantically—I can no longer stand to hold back. I feel feral in his arms when he slinks his own behind me to run his hands over my skin, his fingers trickling down my back like water. I press my heat against his cock that's still hidden beneath his boxers. He bucks up into me and I cry out and squish his face to my chest. He happily takes up residence between my tits and flicks his the tip of his tongue out to tease one pert nipple. I dig my nails through his scalp and rub myself against him.

"Fuck me, Edward," I beg him. "_Please_. I need you." I whimper, "_Please_. Right now, I want it right now."

"I'll give you whatever you want, baby." His voice is strained. I feel him slip a hand between us and I lift up slightly so that he can free himself from the confines of Calvin Klein cotton. "You take those pills now, right?" he grunts into the crook of my neck.

I nod my head and rub my wet pussy against the fist he has around his cock. "Yeah, but I think we have to wait a few more days." My voice is strained from the concentration I have placed on teasing my clit against his knuckles. Then he lets go of himself and plunges his fingers back inside of me.

"I can't wait until I can have you the way I want," he heaves a breathless promise against my throat. "I'll do things to you that you'll never fucking forget."

God, I love when he says shit like that to me.

He can have me any way he wants, just as long as he keeps doing what he's doing. My eyes clench and my teeth clamp down onto my bottom lip viciously. It hurts, but my jaw is locked in order to keep me from screaming—although, he _does _like when I do that...

I do exactly that.

"You gonna be my dirty girl right now, Bella?" he chuckles as his fingers play me into near hysterics. "Tell me, Bella?" I nod my head in agreement but it's not good enough. As a punishment, he stops teasing me and takes my face in his hands instead. "I can't hear you, baby…"

"I'm your…" I gulp and moan and then take him between my hands.

He makes a sound from deep within his chest and is barely able to speak. "You're my what?" I pump him a few times and his hips starts to rise and fall to help add friction. "Tell me what you are, Bella."

"I'm the dirtiest fucking girl you ever met, Edward." The words spill free without thought, and then I hear a growl from him just before he flips me onto my back. I cry out in surprise—but I love it.

"Damn right you are." His hips move against mine, and I'm so fucking tempted to say to hell with it, I want him bare. Sometimes I feel like I won't know what it's like to _have _him when there's that damn thing between us, but I don't want to end up like Rosalie.

I scoot up the bed and he crawls after me, his eyes never leaving mine. I reach out to the drawer I've come to know well and pull out what we need. I feel him twitch between us, and my mouth drops open as a wave of pleasure cloaks over me. I inhale sharply and rip the condom wrapper open with my teeth to pull the latex out.

He watches me and I watch him. I keep waiting for him to take the damn thing from me and put it on himself, but he's not moving. He's just staring. I gulp as he sits back with his cock standing at attention right in front of me. I can't help myself, it's a reflex—I lean over and lap my tongue over the head and suck him into my mouth.

"Fuck!" he roars loudly into the room. His hands immediately go to grab my hair.

It only stirs me on. I swallow the small leak he's sprung and push to my knees. My throat constricts when he tries to give me more than I can handle at once and I have to pull back and suck a lungful of air into my lungs with a small cough that's almost a gag. One of these days I will take all of him in my mouth and my throat won't fucking reject it.

"It's okay." He curves his palm around my cheek. He knows I'm embarrassed that I still can't do what he wants, but he never makes me feel bad about it. "It doesn't matter." He kisses my mouth. "You're so fucking sexy, Bella." His hands knead my ass and I remember that I still have the condom in my hand.

I throw it off the bed and press my mouth against his firm, heaving chest. His breaths come quick as his ribcage expands and collapses with every gasp. I kiss his pecs, I tease his nipples with my teeth, I lick my tongue over them, and then make my way downward.

"Bella, you don't have… to…"

He doesn't mean it. He's only saying it for my benefit. But how am I supposed to build up a tolerance if I don't… practice? I sit up abruptly and slap my palms against his shoulders so that he'll fall back. His eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn't try to stop me again. He moves to set his back against the headboard and I kiss my way down his neck until I have his cock in front of me again. I lick the underside and he shivers and fists the sheets in his hands.

The best part about sucking cock, so I've come to learn, are the faces that Edward makes me when I touch him—I lick the head and his head bangs against the headboard—he's so responsive. Lick, lick, suck… it doesn't matter, it makes him insane when I do this. I love it, I love making him curse and shout, and tremble, and lose control. Because _I'm _the one doing it, _I'm _the one making him feel this way. It's empowering and so, so arousing.

I take him into my mouth again, he twitches between my lips as I slide down as far as I can go, and then use my hands to caress the rest of him. One of his hands grabs the hair at the top of my head to push it down further, so I move about an inch before I have to pull back. I calm my throat with deep breaths and glide my mouth sideways up and down his length. When I know I'm ready to try again, I go for it.

"Goddamn, Bella, yeah…" he encourages me to continue. I swallow with the tip of his dick barely touching my uvula and try to concentrate on what the fuck I'm doing. I don't want to gag. I tell myself I'm not going to gag.

_YOU. WILL. NOT. GAG. _

My fingers cup his sack and squeeze slightly. I hear his head hit the headboard again and his hand in my hair pulls tight as he guides me up and down at the speed he needs to get off. I'm almost a fucking pro at this as I dive right in with a fervor that won't stop until I have him come apart in my mouth. This is when Edward decides to shove the rest of himself down my throat, and surprise, surprise—I gag. I nearly fling myself away from his monster of a cock and scowl up at him.

"You dick, I almost had it!" I bark angrily at him.

"Fuck, sorry," he gasps and jerks himself because he's so close to losing it, and I'm so pissed because this is supposed to be _my _prize. My hands move to replace his, and with the come that's seeped out the tip and the spit from my mouth, my hands slide easily up and down. He tells me to move faster, and squeeze harder and, "Yes—yes—yes, baby, just like that! I'm gonna fucking…"

Right before he explodes, I pull his lips to mine with one hand so that I swallow his roar of passion that erupts from his mouth. The sounds he makes stimulate me—it's like I can feel how good he feels—and it turns me on to the fullest. His hips still move instinctively against my hand that's still around him, and the spurts coat over his abs.

"Damn it, you're getting good at that, Bella." He grins and laughs as he struggles to catch his breath.

We switch sides once he's able to move again. He lays me down on my side and kisses me. His hands roam my hips, slide down my back, cup my ass and bunch the flesh between his fingers. I feel myself getting wetter than before and take one of his hands to put it between my legs.

"Touch me, Edward. I love when you touch me here," I moan when his fingers slither over my clitoris. His forehead presses to mine and I move my hips so that I can enjoy his touch more and more.

I'm rolled onto my back with him on top of me. His chest is against mine and I can feel his heart pounding against my own frantic heartbeat. It's like they're fighting to burst free and be together. I pull him to me as close as he can go while he continues to pleasure me with his hand. I want his mouth there.

As if reading my mind, he starts to move down my body and pushes my pussy lips apart with his thumb and forefinger just before he glides his tongue from the bottom to the top—_bit by bit. _Then he teases my clit with the tip of his tongue in rapid, quick, teasing strokes.

The air leaves my lungs and shoots out of my throat with a long and loud moan that I release into the room. My legs lock around his shoulders, and my hands tangle in his hair, and it feels so, so good! I bite my lip, I slap a hand to my face, and I arch my back up off of the mattress. I can barely exhale a single breath of air before I inhale again with a deep gasp. Edward is stealing the very air from my lungs without even having his mouth against mine. He sucks, and nips, and licks, and kisses, and teases me repeatedly until I feel like I'm going to burst into pieces.

"Edward," I mew and whine and twist and turn, and I start to cry his name out over and over, and my hips rise up into his mouth, and he never lets go. Then I start a pattern of crying "Oh god!" and "Oh God, Edward!" I might give him a complex if I don't stop.

But then he sends me right over the edge with two fingers plunging inside, and lightning fast they pump in and out until I scream one final time, and it's like I've become weightless and I'm in the center of a dark theater planetarium—I see nothing but little trinkets of light behind my lids.

He creeps up on top of me slowly, his lips taunting my own, sweet and sensual and lingering. I open my mouth and his tongue sweeps inside, and my knees bend and my thighs widen, and he slides his erection up and down my slippery slit. It feels amazing, but I want to kiss and touch more before he finishes it off with his cock.

"I…" I bite my tongue. I what? What do 'I…'?

One of his hands caresses my hip and slinks up my body to grip my tit and pinch my nipple, and the other cups my face to keep me still while he devours my mouth. I feel like I'm going to whimper again, and it's not just with lust. It's with unexplainable emotion, feelings that are not only physical, they're passionate and unyielding. How does he do that? How was he able to win me over enough so that we ended up in this exact position?

"You what, baby?" He nibble at my ear. He starts to rub himself against me harder and faster and I know he's going to slip inside soon if I don't stop him.

"You need to put on a… thingy," I remind him.

He smiles against my cheek. "Okay," he whispers and pushes up to his arms to open the drawer.

When he comes back, we kiss some more before he rips it open with his teeth. I'm ready for him by then, I want him inside, and I want him to hold me close while he does it. I tell him so and he kisses my lips delicately and tells me he'll never let go. Its corny and cute, but it's what I want to hear.

"Never stop," I whisper.

He shakes his head. "Never."

I love that he says that. It's something we've started to say to each other often. Never stop feeling. Never stop doing. Never stop… _anything_.

"I want to do it," I say and reach for the condom.

He nods and sits up so that I can do the same. I've seen this done plenty of times in Health class. On TV, in movies… It can't be that hard. Pinch the tip, roll it down the base. How hard can it be? If I fuck it up, he has more, and can do it his damn self. But I find that it's a lot easier than I thought, even with shaky hands and excited eyes.

"I did it!" I sit back proudly with a giddy giggle.

"You're so fucking cute," he chuckles, and then his fingers skim up and down my slit until they're slick with my arousal. I gasp when he uses those same fingers to lubricate the condom before he pushes me to my back again and teases my entrance with the part that I have dreams about—his cock. _Cock_. I've come to really fucking like that word. Cock and _fuck_. Because both are two things about Edward that I can no longer live without.

My hands settle at his shoulders and I slide them down his chest as I stare into his eyes, then I bring them back around to tickle his spine. I arch my back and beg him to do it. He wants it; _I _want it. He uses one arm to balance himself over me, and with the other, he slowly eases in and it feels _somotherfuckingamazing! _His forehead presses to mine, our noses touch. I look up into his eyes and he rams all the way home.

He grunts when he pushes inside and I gasp softly. He stays there, unmoving, and looks up into my eyes. I lift my head and kiss him to let him know I'm okay and he can keep going. He does. My fingers dig into his sides and my thighs tighten around his hips while he build up a steady rhythm.

"Mmm, harder," I beg him. "I want all of you, Edward."

I tell him what I want and he delivers every time. It's why I'm no longer shy to tell him how he makes me feel, and what I want in order to get it. He lifts my leg up higher and I feel him go deeper than he's ever allowed himself to go before tonight.

"Oh my God!" I scream.

Yes, I fucking screamed. It was _that _good. My chest lifts up and down with my ragged breaths, and I wrap my hands around the back of his neck to hold his head to mine while he starts a deep thrusting. He feels so good, so enticing… so perfect. I love when we're like this—so close and intimate and vulnerable. Mouths wide open, hot breath against flushed cheeks, eyes clenched shut from the amount of pleasure coursing through our bodies. I move my hands to his ass and clutch onto him so that I can feel him bury himself inside of me. His mouth descends to mine, I raise my chin to accept him, and he kisses me almost as hard as he fucks me. My nails dig into his flesh and it doesn't startle him, it excites him further.

"You like that, Bella?" he whispers over my lips.

My head nods vigorously, my words unable to form past trembling lips.

He huffs over me, "Tell me how much you like it."

My hands rise up his back to give me the leverage I need to pull myself up into him so that our chests are pressed flush together. I feel his back muscles ripple beneath my fingertips as his hips lift and plunge back down. My teeth pull his bottom lip back and I suck it into my mouth to tease it with my tongue.

"I love it, Edward," I tell him truthfully.

He eases me down and my hands go to cup his face so that he won't pull away, but then he takes my hands from him and sets them onto my chest. I frown when I don't feel his body heat anymore as he pushes up and sets his arms on either side of my shoulders. My thighs widen, urging him to go deeper, and as I do this, he moves farther and farther away from me. If I can't have him flush against me, then I want him flush _inside _of me.

It feels amazing for me, and for him, too. I know because his jaw tightens, and I love—love—love his jaw. It's sharp and defined, and when it's rough with hair it irritates my skin, but I don't care much. It's a feeling that stays with me after we part. When I touch it, I instantly recall how it got there.

"Put your hands up on the headboard," he tells me, sweat gleaming off his chest in the dim glow that floods into the room from his bathroom.

Confused, but curious, I do as he says. My hands stretch above my head to grab hold of the bottom of the headboard for leverage. His eyes roam my exposed and vulnerable body. With his hands he palms my tits firmly and then glides them down my chest, my stomach, my pelvis, and stops to grip my hips.

I watch him sit back between my open legs as he smirks and says, "Ready?"

I feel his strength push me up the bed so that his cock slides out of me, and then suddenly, I'm yanked back down and our lower halves slam together. I cry out and feel the most pleasure I've ever felt in my entire fucking life because he's inside of me even deeper than before. I know now that, all this time, he's been holding back with me—because I wasn't quite ready—until today. I'm shocked at how rough he takes me, how amazing it feels, and how much I like it. I never saw myself as a girl who would want to be twisted into freaky positions in order to get off, but watching him upright, with me on my back so that we form an L on the bed, I want it. I want it all. I want every part of him and every part of me to experience every possible feeling—whether it be sexual gratification or…

"Shit." His curse snaps me back into the present to stare up at him. "I never thought I'd…" He clenches his teeth to hold back and I know he's close. "Fuck, Bella. I dreamed of you like this," he tells me. "I've wanted you since I can remember, and I can't fucking believe I have you now."

"Edwar—" His name dies into a deep gasp. He slams into me harder and he does it over and over, and as our bodies collide, I feel a mind-blowing orgasm about to peak. My fingernails dig into the wood as he speeds up, and his thrust grow faster and harder, and flesh slaps against flesh, and the air is hot and smells of sex. It's glorious.

"Oh, Edward. I'm right there," I warn him as my nails sink even deeper into the headboard. "I'm… I'm…"

"Me, too," he grunts and throws his head back. His thumbs stab deep into my hips and his longest fingers clench my ass so tight that he's able to move me around like an extension of himself. Like we're one body and he's controlling it.

My tits bounce and my body vibrates, and he thrusts and bucks and yanks me back and forth as a string of profanities erupt out his mouth like a volcano. My toes start to tingle and I curl them up tightly, my thighs are sore, and my legs are sore, and my stomach muscles are aching, as my pussy is taking the beating of her life, but it's all worth it. I know it's all worth it. It's so good I can't speak, I can't even moan, and my lungs plead for breath that I'm unable to provide.

"Right there?" He arrogantly grins down at me. "Like that?" He hits that spot inside of me that makes me see stars again. "Is that it, Bella?"

A garble of unintelligible words fly free and it feels like an explosion has been detonated from within me. It's so amazing my eyes tear up, and moments afterward, I feel Edward shiver and shake above me just before he shouts his favorite curse word and collapses on top of me, breathless.

"Fuck," he gasps into my neck and bunches my tits into his hands. "I'll never get tired of fucking that tight pussy of yours, Isabella. Don't you ever fucking let anyone else have what's mine." He puts a hand around his cock that's still inside of me and pulls out to possessively cup my sated pussy with the same hand.

I mew and purr and curl into his chest so that he'll wrap me in his strong arms. I think this might be my new favorite thing to do. Have him hold me tight after a fucktastic round of sex. I kiss him under his chin and then kiss his lips chastely.

"I think it's always been yours, Edward," I confess to him honestly.

And even if it wasn't, it's _all_ his now.

-x-

Our costumes are amazing. We're going to be the hottest couple there; I can guarantee it. Vampires are hot right now, and one of my favorite shows is _The_ _Vampire Diaries_. I think Katherine is the shit, and Stefan is superhot when he's not holding back and being a goody-goody. Damon is a doll—but he reminds me far too much of Royce to enjoy his character anymore.

So tonight, I'm Katherine Pierce and Edward is Stefan Salvatore from the Masquerade episode where everyone looked super hot. I have a replica of the black lace sheath dress she wore to the ball. It has a satin bow and scalloped bottom that stops a few inches above my knees. My legs are long and the heels make them look as if they go on for days. I searched everywhere online for the mask that she wore and found it for about sixty bucks on eBay. It's a black metal filigree Masquerade Mask with Swarovski crystals. I wear my hair pin straight and tie a bit of it back with a black ribbon, then I tease the back section of my hair to make a stylish bump. I choke a few times from the hairspray cloud I get caught up in, and then I call for Edward to help me with the mask.

"Jesus, it smells toxic in here." He covers his nose with a scowl.

I frown at his reflection from my place in front of the large mirror in his bathroom. "Will you just help me with this?" I hold the mask up and hand it to him when he finally comes closer.

He comes up behind and sets his arms around me to hold the mask up in front of my face. "You look very beautiful, Bella." His breath is warm against the side of my face, and just before he places the mask over my eyes, he leans down to press a gentle kiss against my neck.

_God_, he's sexy.

He has a black suit with a thin black tie, just like Stefan wore. The mask that covers his eyes is a deep red with black lace designs over it, and an onyx jewel centers the top. His hair is combed back with a slight flair that makes it sit stylish atop his head. I want to eat him up.

"There." He kisses my cheek once he's tied my mask into place.

I spin around and circle my arms around his neck. "Why aren't we naked again?" I arch my brow curiously as I try to hold back a smile.

"You're something, you know that?" he says, staring intently into my eyes.

I trace his lips with my thumb. "Only when I'm with you."

His eyes close slowly as he relaxes in my arms. "No, I think it's the other way around."

I lean forward and press my lips lightly against his. I have dark red lipstick on and I don't want to smear it. "I love Halloween," I tell him. "It's the one day a year I can be someone else and it's okay."

His hands tighten at my waist. "Why would you want to be someone else? You're perfect," he kisses my cheek, "just," the other, "as," the tip of my nose, "you," my forehead, "are."

My lips.

I open my mouth to let his tongue slide home, and I don't care if my makeup is smearing or if my lipstick will stain our skin. I don't care that his hands are wrinkling my dress, or that my fingers are tangling in his hair and ruining the masterpiece I had created. All I care about is his mouth, his touch, the very sound of his voice as he whispers how sexy I am in my ear.

Then his phone rings. Cockblocked—again.

"I hate your phone," I grumble against his sharp jaw line. It feels wonderful because he's shaved away the scruff that had been there this morning. I like him both ways, but this way I don't get a rash against my highly sensitive skin.

He licks his grooved tongue across my lips and curls it between my teeth. "What phone?" he groans into my mouth. I hop up onto the sink and wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer to me. His phone starts up again, followed shortly by an incessant pounding at the front door.

"_Edward!_" Alice screams. "I know you're in there, I saw your car downstairs!"

"Seriously?" I scoff at Edward. What a freaking stalker.

He sighs and sets me down. "C'mon." He links our fingers together as he pulls me out into the front room. The very second the lock is undone, Alice flings it open. She stands in front of us in a very kinky version of the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland—tiny little black dress that flairs out over her hips like a tutu and barely covers her ass. The material is stretch cotton with red hearts and a unique golden design threaded down the bodice. The fishnets she pairs with the ensemble are purposely ripped, giving her a dirty—but sexy—edge.

I hate how hot she looks in her outfit.

Her heels, however, are sky high and black, but they look far too sophisticated to match her look. I'm guessing she swiped them from her sister's closet—who I'm told through Edward is a very classy lady.

"Royce is still missing and I've already got a room full of party guests waiting to get drunk!" Alice huffs out at us, as if this is our fault. "This is the _one _day a year Esme actually leaves town and I get to have alcohol at my party. So, where the hell is Royce?"

"Alice, chill the fuck out." Edward's even tone causes her to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Go back to the party, I'll take care of it."

Her hands fist at her hips, "But—"

"But nothing," he stops her using the same smooth voice as before. "I said I'd take care of it. Now go back to your guests and tell all them that when I walk into that party, they better have three bucks apiece or it's water and punch for their asses. I don't provide shit for free—they know it, you know it—now go remind them." He turns her around and pushes her slightly out the door.

She says a few words under her breath and daintily makes her way downstairs to cross over to her apartment on the other side. I watch her trot across the grass in her heels as if they are an extended part of her body and wish I were able to walk like that in heels like those.

"Where you at," Edward says into his phone and slides his free hand down the side of my dress, over every curve, leaving a burning sensation behind. "You sweet on that girl, Jay? You been kickin' it with her almost every day."

I love his hands on me, so I step into him so that he can wrap his arm around my waist and rest his hand on my ass. His thumb rubs back and forth and I nuzzle him under his chin. Is this what happens to girls who finally have sex? Seriously, it's like I can't get enough of him. I thought it was boys who thought about sex all day, not girls. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Nah, he didn't show. You wanna go with me and Bella to pick up the kegs and shit?" His arm pulls me up against his chest so that he can place a soft kiss onto my forehead.

And the butterflies go wild.

"If you think she can handle it, then that's cool," Edward agrees to whatever it is that Jacob asked him. "Yeah, yeah. Sounds good, we'll be there in a few." He hangs up.

I push up onto my toes and angle my mouth up to his. He leans in and kisses my lips.

"Gotta make a stop or two," he tells me.

-x-

Makenna Levine is quite possibly the cutest little thing I have ever encountered. I bet she was an adorable baby when she was born. Right out the womb her good looks probably stunned the hospital staff—_that's _how pretty she is. Her eyes are hazel, her apple cheeks prominent with dimples, her lips are plush and pouty, and she's tiny.

Like, under five feet tiny. Jake towers over her like a looming oak tree in a forest over a small bunny rabbit. I've taken to referring to her as a bunny in my mind. She resembles one somewhat—and not in a bad way. Her nose is small, and her cheeks are round, like Thumper's from Bambi.

She's dressed as Little Red Riding Hood—a long red velvet cape is draped down her back, the hood rests delicately over her head, pinned back in her silken brunette curls, and her dress is short and red with a white apron in front. Jake is, of course, the Big Bad Wolf. He has an authentic Native American skinned wolf pelt headdress and wolf paws with sharp claws—which have already snagged twice on his clothes.

I think I might be making Makenna uncomfortable with my staring, but I can't stop. She's so pretty and cute that I want to put her in my pocket. I also smoked a bowl with Edward before we left so I'm trippin' like a mofo. I wonder if she smokes. She doesn't look like she does. She looks like a good girl. I used to be a good girl, but I was invisible back then, and being good doesn't make you a 'someone' unless you look like Makenna.

"So, have you and Jake done it?" I blurt out of nowhere and it startles her so badly that she bumps her head on the window.

"E-excuse me?" she stutters.

Edward chuckles from the front seat and Jake twists around to stare at me horrified. I find it funny how much I've changed since meeting Rosalie. I'm much more outspoken, and I'm pretty sure it shocks Jake every time.

"Have. You. Guys. Done. It. Yet?" I clarify for her as if she's in the 'special class.'

Makenna's eyes widen, and if it weren't so dark in the car, I'm betting I would see her cheeks flush. I'd probably blush, too, if I were her. But I'm not. So I don't. It's like I have no filter when I'm high. I can almost see the words fly out of my mouth and I can't catch them and swallow them back down. It's too late, Pandora's out of the box. She doesn't go back _in_, she can only come _out_.

"What the fuck did you two smoke before we got to your place, Cullen?" Jacob jabs Edward hard in his shoulder. "Bella's completely out of it."

"She's fine," Edward snickers. "Right, baby?" His eyes flash to the rearview mirror and I wink at his reflection. "See?" he says to Jake. "She's good."

"I'm _wonderful_," I bellow out into the car. Then I turn back to Makenna. "So, have you?"

Twenty minutes later—and still no answer from Bunny—we pull up to the back of a Budweiser warehouse. The place looks deserted until Edward honks the horn and flashes his lights a few times. That's when one of the large garage doors rolls up and a guy in a light blue jumpsuit walks out.

"Sup, Cullen?" he greets my boyfriend with a giant smile. "Jake, my man!" He slaps hands—er, paws?—with the wolfman.

Makenna and I stay back inside the Impala while the guys talk, or whatever it is guys do. Which brings me to believe that this is something us ladies should be doing. I've come to realize that I don't know how to act in front of people I don't directly know when I'm all by myself. I start to fidget and pull at my dress nervously.

"So…" I start. "Uh… you and Jake, huh?"

She smiles softly and looks down at her hands in her lap. "You and Cullen, huh?"

I giggle along with her. "Yeah, I'm still trying to grasp it myself."

"I never thought I'd see the day when Cullen held a steady girlfriend," she murmurs, her voice is so small that I have to scoot closer to hear her.

"I'm sure he got around…" I bring my newly polished red nails up to my teeth and start nibbling anxiously. This is not a talk I want to have right now, but I can't stop myself from asking, "Exactly how _many_ girls has he… uh…" I gulp.

"He's not a man-whore, per se." She shrugs. "He just… I don't know. It just always seemed like he was biding his time until—" She pauses.

"Until?" I urge her to continue.

She finally raises her gaze to meet mine. "You?"

"Me?" I squeak embarrassingly high.

She laughs. "Well, no, not _you_-you. But… you. Like," she turns her body to face mine, "like his match, or whatever. He always seemed like he was waiting for something—some_one_, I guess. Even when he was casually seeing whoever, he wasn't all 'there,' ya know? But with _you…_ he's all there. Does that make sense?"

I nod my head soberly. I'm faking it. I have no fucking clue what she's getting at. Not with my mind going a billion miles a minute. Thoughts, words, pictures, feelings… they're all snowballing around in my head gaining mass and speed.

"Someone _like _you. It could have been anyone, I suppose, but it's you. You're 'that' girl he was waiting for." She shrugs with a smug look on her face. "It makes sense, you know," she adds confidently. "Jake's told me a lot about you. You challenge Cullen and you're not scared of him. I think he needs that to stay grounded sometimes."

"How do you know him so well?" I wonder aloud. "Did you used to date?"

She bursts out laughing. "Oh, _God _no!"

Relief floods through me.

"He dated my friend for a while. They've been off and on since we were freshman, but a few months ago he cut her off, and she's been trying to figure out why ever since." Her eyes sparkle in the street lights as she continues on. "I like you, Bella. I know I'm shy and all, but Jake's helping me grow out of that. I… I'd really like for us to be friends?"

"Sure." I smile at her. "You really like Jake, huh?" I nudge her with my knee against hers.

Makenna ducks her head down and I know she's blushing. "Yeah," she whispers and lifts her head. "I really do. I know we've only been dating for a few weeks, but… this is like l-o-v-e, mad crushed out. I'm in big trouble."

I blink back at her in surprise. She's just spilled her guts out to me and we just met. I almost feel sorry for her, because it means she's trusting and naïve, and if Jake breaks her heart, I will break his face. This girl is so obviously a hopeless romantic, I bet she writes her name with Jake's inside a giant heart on all her notebooks.

"What about you and Cullen? Has he said he loves you yet?" she asks giddily, as if we're best girlfriends and we're in our pajamas sitting on her bed instead of in the backseat of my boyfriend's car dressed like themed strippers.

Then it hits me: she wants information. She's friends with one of Edward's exes, everything I say will go back to whomever wants to know. I narrow my eyes at her, calculating her motive. She looks back at me innocently, and I don't see a drop of maliciousness in her. Good Lord, maybe she really _is _just… _nice_.

I shake my head at her question. "Definitely not."

She frowns. "How come? You two seem so into each other."

"We are," I tell her honestly, "we're just not the type to profess undying love or whatever mushy bullshit like that. I own his cock, and that's all I need to know to be satisfied in our relationship."

She giggles profusely into her hands. She is _so _a virgin. I wonder if she's even fooled around with Jake or not.

"Bunny," I accidentally call her by my nickname for her out loud—oh well, "have you ever gotten past second base with a boy before?"

She blinks her long fake lashes at me in confusion. "You mean like sex?"

I smirk. "I mean like everything else _but_ sex."

She shakes her head.

"Why the hell not?" I unintentionally cry out at her.

"I'm Catholic," she states it like a known fact. "No sex before marriage. I'm saving myself for my wedding night."

I thought the girls in La Push were supposed to be hardcore sluts, like Alice Brandon. I feel like a high-class hooker sitting next to Makenna right now.

"Does _Jake_ know that?" I snort. How the hell does a girl pull a guy like Jake without giving it up? Not that Jake's a douchebag or anything, but he's still a _guy_.

I hear her sigh heavily and then the swish of her skirts as she scoots closer to me. "He knows, but it's fun when tries to convince me otherwise," her whisper tickles my ear.

Bunny has spunk!

The car doors up front open simultaneously and both boys poke their heads inside. I feel that familiar spark ignite inside me when Edward's eyes meet mine. He jerks his chin and I immediately get out of the car and into his arms.

"You and Mak are gonna have to sit up front between me and Jake," he says into my hair.

My face is buried in the crook of his neck. "Why?" I trail my nails down his back beneath his suit jacket. I get super horny when I'm high. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before. What I love is that Edward gets the very same way. We're so going to do it tonight, I just don't know how much longer I can last before I have him again.

His hands slide down over my barely covered ass and squeeze firmly. "Because we gotta fit the kegs back there, they won't all fit in the trunk."

I pull back and nip at his lips. "Edward, I'm horny," I whisper his against his mouth and tease him with the tip of my tongue. "You know how I get when I'm high..."

"Fuck, Bella. You can't say shit like that to me right now," he groans and pulls me against him so that I can feel how hard he is.

I slip my hand between us and rub it over his dick outside his pants. He jumps slightly and then loses himself for a moment when he gets into it and bucks into my palm. I raise my chin and his mouth descends down onto mine. His tongue shoves its way past my lips and I welcome him happily. I just wish there was a way that he could—_oh God!_ I cry out, but it's muffled. Two of his fingers slither up and down the spot between my thighs. I wish I wasn't wearing this damn g-string garter set.

We hear a throat clear somewhere off to the right and pull away from each other slowly. His lips leave mine with a pop and a string of saliva. If this was anyone else I would have been disgusted, but it's not. It's Edward and it's me, and it's us. He strokes his thumb over my lips to rid me of our spit and I fight not to suck it into my mouth.

"Load 'er up," Edward calls out to the guy in the coveralls and nods his head at Jake to help him out. Before he goes to follow them he leans down as if to kiss me, but at the last second, he veers off to whisper into my ear. "You will so pay for that later on tonight," he promises.

I hope so.

-x-

The ride back is not comfortable. I've now come to know Makenna—who I've learned goes by Mak—up close and personal. In fact, I think we may be intimately acquainted now. That is if you count the number of times we both accidentally groped each other whenever Edward sped around a sharp corner. I'm totally jealous of the size of her tits, but I know she envies my awesome ass. She even said so.

By the time we pull up to the apartments, it's almost eight, and the party looks to be in full swing. I can hear the music from downstairs in the parking lot. I would wager on how long before the cops come, but it's college town around these parts. The La Push Community College is a few miles south and a handful of upperclassmen rent the surrounding units where Edward and Alice live.

We each untangle ourselves from each other and slip outside the car. Me out Edward's side, and Mak out on Jake's. Standing outside the Impala I can hear laughter from upstairs and I start to grow nervous. I've never been to a party in La Push before, so I don't quite know what to expect.

"Mak," Edward calls out as he pushes the seat forward to get to the keg in the back, "go bring me some arms, yeah?"

She nods her head, pops up to her tiptoes to kiss Jake, and then she's off. I watch her trot up the steps and straight into the apartment without knocking. I turn to ask Edward a question when I hear loud hollering and loud music burst out into the open air.

"Jake! Cullen! Two guys I'm fucking happy to see!" A huge, burly guy with dark hair and a square jaw comes bounding down toward us.

"Felix!" Jake's face lights up. "Glad you could make it."

"I had to or else this one would have thrown a fit." Felix grins and pulls Makenna into a headlock.

"Felix!" Mak shrieks angrily and barely escapes his boa constrictor arms. "Now you've messed up my hair, and I spent a long time getting it just right!"

"Yeah, I know. You hogged the bathroom for like four hours getting ready to out with this shmuck," Felix teases Mak and then elbows Jake. "I still say I got all the brains when that egg split."

My eyes pop open. "You guys are related?"

Felix looks over at me in surprise. "Twins, actually," he explains. "Who are you?"

Edward slips his arm around my waist. "She's with me."

Recognition hits him suddenly. "Right. You're friends with that blonde who has Royce by the balls."

I scowl. He laughs. Edward tightens up. Jake fakes amusement. And Makenna's face turns beet red. The tension in the air thickens until two more guys join us in the lot. I remember them from the Rez Jake lives at as Paul Lahote, a tall good-looking Quileute, and Quil Ateara, a shaggy haired jokester.

"Goddamn, Bella! You sure did go from a duckling to a Swan." Quil whistles as he approaches us. I move forward to hug him and get pulled back by Edward. "Oh, chill out, Cullen," Quil rolls his eyes, "we ran around in diapers together."

But Edward's grip does not lighten. So I give Quil a small wave and then nod my head at Paul as a greeting. With my spiked heel, I jam it into the top of Edward's dress shoe and bite my tongue when his hand on my waist squeezes painfully.

"So, twins, huh?" I say out loud just as I shove my elbow into Cullen's stomach. He grunts and releases me almost immediately afterward.

Felix watches me closely and nods his head. "Yeah. Ironic as it looks." He gives a small, genuine smile and noogies the top of Mak's head.

She's easily almost two feet smaller than he is, and can't be more than ninety pounds, where as each of Felix's biceps could equal the weight of her entire body. But when you look closely, you can totally see the resemblance in their faces—high cheekbones and square jaws. Makenna's angles are soft while Felix's are sharp, but they're similar nonetheless. Their eyes are both dramatically light in color and deep-set on their beautiful faces.

Jake is the first to actually start on the task at hand as he goes for one of the kegs and rolls it from the backseat with Paul's assistance. The rest of the guys fall in line, and with an apologetic kiss to my temple, Edward joins them. I move to stand beside Mak and try not to stiffen when she slinks her arm through mine like Rosalie usually does. I'm unsuccessful and she starts to pull away so I lock up my arm to keep her there. I need at least one friend in La Push, and Makenna is super cool and nice.

"Sorry about my brother," she says to me in a small voice. "He's really protective of me, and he has a soft spot for Roy."

I grimace at the mention of that loser.

"It's cool," I tell her. "I get it. I know the rivalry between my school and yours goes way back before we were even freshman."

She shrugs. "Whatever the reason, I don't hold it against you. But I feel I must warn you about what to expect when you go in there." She means the party, and I tense up again. She pats my arm soothingly. "It's not as bad as you think. It's just that Alice is really popular, and well…" She winces. "She doesn't like you very much."

"Tell me something I don't know," I snort back at her. "It doesn't help that she's in love with my boyfriend either."

"Nnoooo," Makenna gasps. "Oh, my God, really?"

I nod.

"Oh, wow. I'm so sorry for you." She pats my arm again.

I draw back in surprise. "Me? Why me? You should feel sorry for _her_. Because _I _have nothing to worry about. I trust Edward, and I trust Jake to keep an eye on her for me." I shrug nonchalantly. It's true, but I'm letting Makenna think I'm cooler about it than I actually am.

"Oh," she tilts her head, "well, that's good, then. It's key to have trust in a relationship."

I turn my head to look down at her oddly.

She giggles. "Sorry, mom's a marriage counselor and dad's a hopeless romantic. I was raised thinking I was a Disney princess and that my Prince Charming was on his way."

We both look out at Jake, who is bent over, ass in the air, as he pulls out a keg from Edward's car. We both snicker into each other's shoulders—well, me into the top of her head because she's so short. I suppose Jake could qualify based on his good looks and strength. Then I look over at Edward, who is off to the side, talking into his phone with a scowl on his face and a lit cigarette between his fingers.

I see Edward as the villain more than I do the prince—which is not necessarily a bad thing.

It takes two to three guys to haul one keg up the stairs and into the apartment. Edward and Jake work best together, because they move as one, where as the other guys snap directions at each other and argue more than they help. I'm reluctant to head inside the party, but when the last keg is rolled in, I have no excuse to stay outside.

Makenna is already inside with her friends. She asked me if I wanted to go in with her, but I said no. Now I kind of wish I had. At least then I could possibly gain more friends than enemies. I feel Edward's fingers slink up my spine to the back of my neck and I lean into him. He kisses my neck, my cheek, and my lips, and then links our fingers together to pull me up the stairs.

Inside the apartment it looks like a haunted house at a carnival. There are black sheets with small silver stars tacked up over the walls and black and red streamers twisted above our heads across the ceiling with black papier-mâché spiders and white ghosts. Fake spider webs are hung from every corner and stretched out in every direction. Little plastic spiders are attached inside them. It's pretty damn sweet up in here.

"Edward!" Alice squeals when we enter the party and she comes barreling over to us—let me rephrase that—_to him_. "Thank you soooo much!" she shouts and springs at him so that he has no choice but to catch her and carry her in his arms. "I knew I could count on you!"

Edward smiles—something that is a big fucking deal, because although he smiles with me all the time, he _never _does it in public. That doesn't seem to be an issue with Alice, apparently. Hot with jealousy, my blood boils beneath my skin. Edward wouldn't even let me hug Quil hello and yet I'm supposed to be okay with this little bitch hanging all over him?

Fuck. That.

I storm off to where I see Jake talking with a few guys, and the second he sees my face, he excuses himself and comes at me. "What happened?" He looks around the room. "Where's Cullen?"

"Why don't you look up Alice's ass? I'm sure you'll find him there," I sneer and steal the cup from his hand to gulp it. _Ugh_. I hate warm beer. "You should have put these on ice." I tell him.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Edward sneaks up behind me and sets his hands on my hips. I push away from him and move to stand beside Jake. "What the fuck?" He scowls over at me.

"Really?" I scoff in disbelief. "Why don't you just fuck her and get it over with?"

"Can we not do this now?" Edward growls.

"Fine." I shrug. I turn to Jake. "Dance with me?"

Jake laughs. "So not in this." He holds his hands up and backs away from us. "I'm gonna go find Mak. I suggest you two get high again or something."

Edward grabs my arm and swings me around to face him. "Don't tell me you're pissed off because of Alice."

"Then stop letting her hang all over you," I demand him.

"I already told you, she's like a sister—"

"Right, then I guess it's okay if I do the same with Jake." I take a step toward where Jake is, knowing Edward will stop me. And he does. "Why is it okay for her to jump on you and hang on you, but I can't even hug Quil hello?" I yank my arm from his hold.

"Because Quil is a perv and I don't want his hands on you!" He is teetering toward the edge and I don't even care.

"You know, at first, your jealousy was hot, but now it's borderline obsessive." I cross my arms. "Do you want to be with me?" I ask him.

"Are you really fucking asking me that?" He huffs out a bitter laugh. I stand there waiting until he finally answers me, "Yes." His voice is deep as he stares down at me and pulls me to him with his hands on my hips.

His nose touches mine and nuzzles me softly. I take a breath, hold it, and exhale it. Like smoke. Then I level my gaze with his and draw him to me by his tie. I tilt my head, tease his mouth with my breath on his lips, and whisper, "Then act like it."

I press our lips together and pull away before it can escalate.

I leave Edward in a daze as my eyes wander the room in search of familiar faces. I have no idea where Mak and Jake went. Felix is bobbing for apples with a group of laughing teens around him, and Alice is bouncing to the front door to swing it open. I freeze. My fingers clench around Edward's tie, and unintentionally, I start to tug it downward.

Jasper and Emmett are here. I can_not_ allow Edward to see them. He'll blow a fuse. What the hell are they… the thought trails off when it becomes clearly obvious that Alice invited them. Or maybe she invited Jasper and he brought Emmett. I'm guessing the latter.

"What are you—" I stop Edward from speaking by attacking his mouth with mine.

"Promise me something?" My breath is ragged against his lips.

He nods. "Anything."

I smirk. "Don't get mad." I kiss him again until he pulls back.

"Why?" he asks. I bite my lips and dart my gaze to where Jasper and Alice stand with Emmett. Edward turns around and his muscles bunch up. I slap my hands around his arm and yank him back to me.

"You promised!" I yell and struggle to subdue him—which is like trying to keep the Titanic from leaving the dock with a ball of string. My feet literally drag across the carpet. "Edward, stop!" I scream and draw the attention of almost everyone.

Including Jasper and company.

Alice's eyes widen, but when she looks to me, I see the corner of her mouth twitch. I really hate that bitch. She's nothing but trouble. I hate how blind Edward and Jasper seem to be when it comes to her devious ways. Damn cunt.

"Edward, please," I beg him from continuing his gait toward the group by the front door. I never thought I'd wish for this… but I could really use Royce's help right about now.

Where the hell _is _he?

-x-

_**Happiness, it won't last long  
>And this child behind stores it all<br>The failed man's curse  
>And the cost of nonchalance<strong>_

**_I thank you sly, watchful gene_**  
><strong><em>A plastic life up my sleeve<em>**  
><strong><em>If you've followed this far<em>**  
><strong><em>You've realized nothing<em>**

**_Now your world is here_**  
><strong><em>Watch it disappear<em>**

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _A Heavy Abacus _by_ The Joy Formidable_. This song OWNS me right now.

To see Edward & Bella's costumes, check out my TSB tumblr. I will have what Edward's apartment looks like posted there too. Link in profile, scroll all the way down.

I'm **typokween** on tumblr & twitter, and **Typokween Writes** on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teaser for this fic, you might want to check my twitter.

**TK's FIC REC**: _Pocket Chang by aWhiteBlankPage (I like angsty fics, if you can't tell by now. LOL)_

_**GO LOOK AT THE BLINKIE ROSEARCADIA MADE ME!**_

_(link in profile)_

Sorry for the late post, hopefully the wait was worth it. I've been really stressed out lately and I'm sorry if it effects me getting these chapters out. I'll try to get my shit together, I promise.

**See you next Friday!**


	21. Keep Quiet: The Party – Pt 2

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

**SHOUT OUTS—_Jess: _**_ILY. _**_DarlingSaila: _**_yet again, you survived my monster of a chapter and gave sage advice along the way. Much love, BB. _

To see Royce's home, check out my TSB tumblr. Link in profile, scroll all the way down. Don't forget to look at the awesome blinkie RoseArcadia made me if you haven't drooled over it already!

**_Everyone: _**Thank you to everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. I truly appreciate it and you. :)

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN!**

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ there are too many awkward moments.

**Ch. 21:** _Keep Quiet: The Party – Pt 2_

Two things come to mind as I fight to keep my boyfriend from attacking Jasper: Where the hell is Royce, and why the hell did Alice invite my ex-boyfriend?

"You have a lot of fucking nerve showing your face here!" Edward rips his mask from his face and shouts as he points a dangerous and accusing finger over my shoulder.

"Edward, stop!" I slam my hands against his shoulders.

His murderous gaze darts to my face and I gasp and stumble backward a few steps in surprise. My heart starts thundering in my chest as recognition takes over me—I know that look. Those black, vacant eyes. That taut, set jaw. It instantly frightens me to see it on his face after weeks of thinking he was… cured?

The memory of him beating Mike a couple months ago plays before my eyes and I start to tremble. It's the _only _thing about Edward that terrifies me to the point of wanting to turn around and run. My feelings for him scare me, but his anger… it's a hard limit.

The farther I back away, the clearer his eyes become. It's a relief, and at the same time, it's almost even more frightening. Why am I the _only _one able to pull him out of his rage?

"Come here." He reaches a hand out. "Bella, please come here." He stares back at me, anxiously swallowing. "Bella…"

His eyes clench closed as he takes deep breathes that he blows out of his mouth. I know he's counting. I know he's trying to remember whatever technique he's been recommended to do when he gets to this point in his anger. He really _is _trying.

But I still hesitate. I need to be cautious. He's not the same Edward when we're not in his apartment, it's like he's a completely different person. But those eyes, those pleading green irises, and that open palm… I take deep and calming breath of my own and lift my foot to walk toward him when, suddenly, a hand clamps down onto my shoulder.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Emmett's boisterous voice lacks his usual happiness when he addresses Edward. "Can't you see that you're scaring her?"

Slowly, I pull the costume mask from my face and I clench my eyes shut. Emmett, though his intentions are good, has just made things ten times worse. I twist around with wide eyes and shake my head slowly. He blinks down at me in anger and confusion.

"Don't you fucking touch her!" Edward roars and yanks me away from Emmett and into his own arms. "Get the fuck out!" He points to the door. "You are not welcome here!"

Emmett's eyes blaze with a fire I've never seen in him before. "I'll leave when I know Bella's safe." He shoots his gaze to me. "Are you okay?"

"She's fucking fine. Get. _Out_." A deep growl comes from out of Edward.

I struggle to release myself from Edward's painful grip. "Let go of me," I whisper to him. "You're hurting me."

"You're hurting her, Cullen," Jasper pipes in suddenly. " And I was invited, and I brought my friend with me."

"I don't care who was invited. Both of you have ten seconds to get the fuck out of here before I remove you myself," Edward warns them. "And Bella is none of your concern, so back the fuck off."

I finally yank my arm away from him. "Stop it! We talked about this, you dick!"I smack my hand against his shoulder.

His eyes bore into mine intensely. "Get them out of here, Bella," he demands of me and then looks up at Emmett. "You," he sneers. "I never want to see your face in La Push again. 'Cause if I do? You won't ever play football again, got it?"

I gasp and look to Emmett, who clenches his fists at his sides. "You mind telling me what the hell your problem is with me?"

I close my eyes as it hits me. This isn't about him being angry that my ex showed up. It's because _Emmett _did. Emmett told everyone that he's the father of Rosalie's baby. Edward must have somehow found out about this… but why hasn't he approached me about it?

Edward takes one hostile step closer to Emmett. "I just don't fucking like you." He looks at Jasper. "Or you. I will say this one last time: _Get. Out_."

"Edward, knock it off!" Alice steps up and places a hand on his chest. "They're my guests and they can be here if they want!"

"I can't believe you let _him _into this place when you knew Royce was going to be here," he hisses at Alice, and I only hear it because I'm right there next to them. He means Emmett.

"How did you…" I look up at Edward astonished.

His head turns to glare at me. "I know _everything_. Think about that the next time you try to hide something from me."

I gasp and my heart stops dead. I was right. He knew. This whole time, he knew.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask incredulously.

If possible, his eyes look right through me. "I was hoping you would tell me yourself."

I have to look away or I'm going to hit him in the face.

"Hey." Jake comes up from behind Edward. "What's going on?" He looks at everyone's faces.

Alice crosses her arms with a huff. "Edward is making a big deal because I invited Jasper, who brought Emmett. Which is _completely_ fine," she enunciates as she scowls at Edward.

"It's okay," Emmett starts, "we're just gonna head out. Bella," he looks to me, "can I talk to you for a minute?"

Edward's hand shoots out to grab my wrist. "She's not going anywhere with you."

I jerk out of his grasp. "_She _can make her own decisions."

"All right, all right! Everyone just needs to calm down." Jake starts to push everyone out the door. "Edward, cool it, everyone is staring," he scolds him silently.

We shuffle outside the door and both Emmet and Jasper head all the way down the stairs with me following close behind.

"Em, wait!" I shout and ignore the loud footsteps behind me. I already know it's Edward, and I'm so pissed off that I whirl around. "Leave me the fuck alone, Ed—" I pause. "What are _you _doing here?" I snap at Alice.

Her eyes roll dramatically. "I came to talk to Jasper, so get out of my way."

She moves to brush past me and my hand darts out to stop her. "No, I don't think so," I say angrily with my fingers wrapped around her skinny arm. "I have had it up to _here _with you!" I shout in her face.

"Alice!" Edward calls to her from upstairs.

I watch carefully as she stares up at Edward with a gleam in her eyes. It sets me right off. With my hand still keeping her beside me, I step closer and lean in to whisper into her ear. "Don't want what you can't have, sweetheart."

She spins around. "Fuck. You."

"No thanks, Edward already did." My smirk is catty.

Alice narrows her long lashed eyes at me furiously. "I hope you know that you're only temporary."

"I'm warning you." I step in so that our noses nearly touch, my hand still locked around her forearm. "Keep your hands off of my boyfriend or else. Oh, and using Jasper to make him jealous is low. You had a lot of nerve accusing me about using two great guys as a doormat when you're pulling their strings as if they were your puppets. I won't let you do it anymore, not with Jasper, and _especially _not with Edward." My forewarning is lethal. "I am not fucking around with you anymore, Alice. I know how you feel about Edward, but it's too late. You had your chance and you didn't take it. He's mine now."

She yanks away from me. "We'll see about that."

I shove her with my hands so that she stumbles back in shock. "You do _not _want to take me on, bitch." I shake my head. "I can be a completely different person when I feel threatened," I caution her to back down.

Her chest heaves angrily. "And you have no idea who _you_ are fucking with. I have been his best friend for years. I know him. _Me!_ Not you. All you ever do is make him upset! You constantly pick fights with him and push _all _of his buttons knowing full well what the outcome will be!"

"I do not," I lie through my teeth. "And that is _none _of your business anyway!"

She continues as if I haven't spoken, "I know what his favorite book is, his favorite song, his favorite fucking _cereal!"_ Her fingers pop out one by one as she counts on her hands how many things she knows. "I know what makes him tick, what makes him laugh, what makes him sad or scared, and why he doesn't let just anyone into his apartment. _I _know these things. Do you? Who the hell are _you_?"

Her confessions hit directly below the belt, right where it hurts—or perhaps my chest. Because that's the part that feels the most pain. She's right about knowing him more than I do. It only serves to anger me further, giving her what she wants: A fight.

"Who am I?" I laugh back at her. "_I'm_ the one telling you where the line is and warning you not to cross it." My finger pokes her in the chest. "He doesn't see you in that way. You're his best friend, _that's it_. I get that, but do you?" I tilt my head at her. "He's _happy _with me. Don't you even care?"

"I only care about what's good for him, and it's not you!" she screams. "You ruined _everything!_ I was so close! So fucking close, and then here comes your skanky ass to give it up and—"

"Call me a skank one more time. Do it!" I yell into her face.

"Sk—"

I'm seriously starting to wonder if there is some sort of 'anger curse' in La Push, because no one seems to visit this town without having some sort of bitch fit before leaving. It's like, _Hi! Welcome to La Push. Please step foot on our soil and throw the biggest tantrum imaginable!_

Well, when in Rome…

My hand connects with her face before she can finish her insult.

Her eyes are wide with disbelief, but she gets over it quickly, and that's when I'm quickly lifted up into the air and out of her reach. I can hear her struggling and trying to break free from whomever has her, just as I am with whomever has me. I look over my shoulder to see Emmett and kick my feet for him to let go. A quick look shows me that Jasper has Alice and Edward is flying down the stairs. Jake reaches out to stop him and the two of them immediately start to argue. Which means my window of opportunity is limited.

"Put me down," I huff at Emmett in annoyance.

The moment my feet touch the ground, I'm off and running at Alice. I have this inexpressible urge to rip her eyes out. But Emmett isn't Forks High's best running back for no reason and I'm quickly caught and swung in the opposite direction than where I want to be.

"What the hell has gotten into everyone?" He rushes out quickly and drops me. "How did I have no idea you were in this deep with these people? Does Rosie know about this? Tell me, Bella, I swear I won't get mad, but… is this why you broke up with Jasper?" His brow is pulled tight as he anticipates my answer.

I'm astonished that he would have the guts to ask me something like this. I have no idea how to take it, to be quite honest. "I can't believe you just asked me that," I whisper, wounded, and my eyes start to sting a bit.

His face falls. "I don't mean it like that, Bella. You know I don't," he steps forward, "it's just…"

"Of course Rose knows, Emmett," I wipe my nose, "she's my _best friend_. I'm really sorry about what happened with Jasper, but I can't help the way I feel."

"Bella…" He tries to reach out for me. "Please don't be upset. I didn't mean it to hurt you, okay? I just needed to know… I thought you hated him?"

I back away. "I did." I have to look away so that he doesn't see my watery eyes. "I mean, I thought I did..."

"Belly boo…" He frowns down at me and places a tender hand onto my shoulder. "Please don't be sad. I couldn't live with myself if I thought I'd hurt your feelings. It was a stupid thing to ask. I just… it's just, I thought you and Jasper were so into each other, and then all of a sudden…" he pauses and clears his throat. "But if being with Cullen makes you happy, then… then that's all that matters." His hand squeezes my shoulder.

I nod my head and wipe under my eyes so that my makeup doesn't run. "Thanks, Em."

"Come here," he teases and pulls me to his chest. "And if you ever need someone to kick some ass for you…"

I snicker and push him away from me playfully. "What are you guys even doing here? Rose told me that you and Jasper were going to have a scary movie night with her. It's the only reason I'm here right now, because she promised me that she wouldn't be alone."

"I know, I know! But Jasper said he needed to swing by and show his face because Alice begged him to come. We were going to Rose's right after," he explains to me. "I swear it."

"Yeah, okay, I believe you." I start to pace back and forth. Now onto the next item on my stress list. "Edward knows," I say out loud to myself, "and if he knows, then that means Royce knows…"

"Excuse me?" Emmett stops my gait. "Who knows what, and why does it matter?"

Boys can be so dense sometimes—_most _times. "Edward knows that you told everyone you're the father of Rose's baby."

"So?" He shrugs carelessly.

"_So?_" I laugh at his cluelessness. "So you just recently claimed the spawn of his best friend, and then had the nerve to show up on his turf. Do you have a death wish? Do you realize how close you came to running into _Royce King?_ Think about it, Emmett. You're completely outnumbered. What were you thinking? What if I hadn't been here to stop Edward?"

Emmett stands paralyzed. If I didn't know already that Rose told him about Royce, I'd worry that I just spilled the beans. Which means that he had _not_ been thinking at all when he agreed to accompany Jasper to Alice's party. Classic Emmett, always stuck on the positive side of the wall. Finally—and with good timing—Jasper comes up to us cautiously. I see that Alice has gone back upstairs and that Edward and Jacob stand a few feet away from us still arguing.

"I think we should go," Jasper's drawl is tired, "we promised we'd meet up with Rose anyway."

I nod my head. "I'm…" I cringe. I'm sure he doesn't want to hear me say that I'm sorry right now.

"Yeah," he scratches behind his ear, "I didn't think you'd… I mean, I knew there was a chance…"

I feel guilty that he's apologizing for running into me. It makes me want to comfort him. He really is a sweet guy—too sweet sometimes—which is sad because he's easily manipulated. I know this is going to piss Edward off, but…

I push forward and hug Jasper. "Please be careful," I whisper to him, "Alice isn't who you think she is." When I pull away he gives me an odd look. I look at Emmett and sigh. "Be good to my girl for me?"

"You know it." Emmett holds a fist up for me to bump.

"And bring her vanilla bean ice cream with a bag of candy corn. She'll tear that shit _up_. Oh, and if you know what's good for you, do _not _talk during the movie. She'll cut your balls off." I start to push both boys toward Jasper's truck.

Emmet squeaks in fright and Jasper looks back to see if I'm joking. I'm not. With a wink, I send them on their way, but not before Jasper turns back around to jog up to me really quickly.

"Look, Bella," his twang stretches out the vowels, "what you said about Alice…"

I press my hand to his chest. "I really mean it. I'm not acting jealous, and I'm not trying to ruin anything if you two have something going—"

"We don't." His eyes lock with mine intensely. "I told you she was just a friend, and nothing's changed. So if you wanna warn me about Alice, then I feel it's only fair that I warn you about Cullen."

"Jasper, don't… _please_." My gaze drops to our feet.

"_Yes_, Bella. You need to hear it." He grabs onto my shoulders so that I look up at him. "I'm not being the jealous ex-boyfriend, okay? I mean, yeah, I still care about you, but I'm not mopin' about over you either. We're friends, right? Friends look out for each other."

I nod and bite my lip to keep it from trembling. My God, it hurts to hear him say these things to me. I don't know how I feel about that, because it's obvious to me that Jasper might still have feelings for me that transcend friendship. Also, I'm terrified because his hands are still on my shoulders. I know Edward isn't too far away, and I _know _he's putting up a fight with Jake to get over here. So, gently, I remove Jasper's hands and take one small step away from him.

"I really think you should go. I don't like that Rose is alone right now." I gulp and stare at the street light over his right shoulder.

"Be careful, Bella. Just… if you ever need my help, just ask. I don't care what time it is, or what day it is, or if I'm in the middle of a football game. If you need me, I'm there. All right?" His gaze is over my shoulder and I know he's looking at Edward.

I'm too nervous to turn around.

"See ya later, Bella." He gives a half smile and jogs back to his truck where Emmett waits for him.

-x-

The tension between Edward and me is palpable. We stand on opposite sides of the party, but we continuously stare at one another. There are no stolen glances, no blushing cheeks with fast darting eyes when our stares cross. There's him on one side of the room with his 'boys,' and there is me putting on the show of my life with Makenna's 'girls.'

Speaking of, I must say that I have never felt so awkward around a group of girls in my entire life. I would rather stand with ten Jessicas and Laurens and Jennifers than I would with these La Push girls. They are bold, ruthless, and conniving. It's no wonder Alice is the way she is, look at her friends. It's a wonder Makenna still swims unbitten by these sharks.

They also openly dislike me. It's like the Housewives of New Jersey, I swear. Everyone is kiss-kiss one minute and then threatening to kill them the next. So far, I have not received any death threats, but the night is still young. If it weren't for Makenna acting as my buffer, I would probably have been jumped by now. Then again, I'm pretty sure Edward scares the shit out of them as well, because they drool over him when he's not looking, but quickly look away when he turns in their direction.

We're all spread out around the living room sofas, Makenna and I occupy the loveseat, and Emily is seated on the armrest beside me. Alice and Leah stand with Edward's group in the kitchen—figures. I don't hide my sneers in Edward's direction and he doesn't hide his looks of sheer disapproval in mine. He has a lot of damn nerve being upset with _me_ when it's _Alice _who is the troublemaker.

"Bella?" Makenna nudges me out of my daze.

I blink a few times to regain my focus. "Uh, what? Huh?"

Emily snickers and points at my lap. "Your phone has been lighting up for about five minutes now. Someone's trying to get ahold of you, chica."

I frown at my phone when the number popping up is not familiar. I usually don't answer calls from numbers I don't know, but any excuse to get away from these girls is one I am going to take. I excuse myself from the group—with only Makenna and Emily acknowledging me as a living being—and make my way out the front door with my phone at my ear after hitting redial.

It rings and rings until finally, "Why do you have a phone if you never answer it?" a gruff voice snaps.

I blink in confusion. "Royce?" I jeer in disbelief.

He coughs hoarsely a few times before he answers me. "Hey, doll" he tries to laugh, but it turns into a groan. "So, listen," he strains, "I need a favor."

"Are you okay?" I ask, worried.

"Not important," he sighs and I hear the flick of a lighter before a small inhale. "I need you to do something for me, but you can't tell anybody about it."

I clench my hands into fists. "You have a lot of ner—"

"You owe me," he barks out.

My mouth drops open. "How the hell do you figure that?"

He chuckles, but I can tell it's not a pleasant sound. "Who do you think got your boy to come around, sweetheart? If it weren't for me, Peter Pan over there would still be listening to Tinker Bell."

"I don't believe you." I set my lips into a thin line.

"Please don't make me pull my wild card, Bella. Just be a good girl and help me out, huh?" He's as close to begging as I've ever heard.

"Why didn't you call Edward or Jake?" I ask curiously.

He hesitates by pulling from his smoke some more before finally answering, "They can't know you're coming for me. Tell them you had to pick up Rose or some shit like that. I don't care what lies you have to spin, I just need someone to give me a ride home."

I can't believe this jerk. "You want me to lie to Edward?" I shriek in disbelief. "Fuck you, Royce. I don't even _like_ you!"

"Goddamn it, Bella! I need a fucking ride, and if I ask Edward or Jake, they'll do something stupid and get us all killed!" he yells into the phone.

_That _gets my attention.

"What's going on? Where are you? Why would Edward and Jake do something stupid? What did you do, Royce? I can't believe you sometimes! He worries so much about you, all the time!" I scold him like a disobedient child. "What trouble have you gotten yourself into now, huh? Say something!"

He sighs. "Are you coming or not?"

"Text me the damn address," I hiss before I hang up.

Hands slink around my waist and I know it's Edward's arms that wrap around me tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispers into my ear. "I don't want to be mad at each other anymore." His lips ghost over the side of my face.

"I don't either," I answer back softly.

He kisses the corner of my eye. "You were crying earlier. Was that because of me?"

I shake my head slightly. "It's nothing."

Edward spins me around so he can stare into my eyes. "You're lying to me."

I gasp with wide eyes. "W-what?"

"Tell me what he said to you earlier." His jaw tightens. "Jasper. Tell me what he said before I jump into my car and chase him all the way back to Forks."

I shake my head again. I can't bring myself to tell him the word _no_ out loud. It only serves to anger him further, but I will never admit to him what Jasper said because a small part of me is comforted to know that I have Emmett and Jasper if I ever need them. Because being with Edward is wonderful, but sometimes, I just don't know. He doesn't deal with drugs as much as he used to, but that's only when I'm not there.

"Bella…" His hands move to cup my face. "What did he fucking say?"

My breaths turn shallow—quick and slight. I lick my lips and swallow the saliva that's pooled inside my mouth. He's pissed and it's turning me on. What the hell is wrong with me?

"He said I needed to be careful." That's all he's going to get from me. It's not a lie; it's the truth. It's just not _all _of it. "I told him to mind his own business."

His eyes glimmer under the shine of the moon through the trees beside us. I watch him as he watches me, and my fingers curl in the lapels of his suit. HIs head dips and pauses so that his lips hover just over mine, as if to ask for permission. I lift my chin higher to meet him and our lips touch. Soft kisses turn to passionate ones and I know I have to stop before it gets carried away, but I can't. I miss him. I can't believe I fucking _miss _him after one stupid fight!

"I'll talk to Alice," he says as he presses kisses down the side of my neck. "I'll do whatever you want me to do. Just, _fuck, _just don't be mad at me anymore. I can't stand the thought of not being able to touch you and kiss you when I want." His hands roam and his mouth is everywhere, his scent, his taste, his existence…

It's like I'm becoming obsessed with him.

My phone beeps to alert me of a text message. It's then that I remember I'm supposed to pick up Royce. Reluctantly, I pull away from Edward.

"I have to go." I wipe my thumb over his lips to smudge away my lip gloss. "Jasper and Emmett flaked out on Rose and I don't want her to be alone."

His arms stiffen around me and his jaw tightens as he grinds his teeth—his signature 'I'm angry and I'm trying to wheel it in' face. I press a small kiss at the tip of his nose to try to smooth things over. It doesn't work, but his eyes finally meet mine again.

"I'll go with you." He says it and we both know it's not true.

He can't go; Rose would never allow him into her house. I feel horrible. I'm _lying _to him. This is the first step toward the fall of our relationship. If we were doomed from the start, then this is the night where I start the ball rolling.

"I'll only be a few hours. I'll be back to tuck you in," I tease.

His chuckle is a hum against my chest that makes me tingle pleasantly. He asks for one more kiss to tide him over. Then he asks for one more, and one more, and… I don't know how long it is before I'm finally able to pull myself away and get into my car.

I miss him already.

-x-

**Are you lost? –RK**

_No! –B_

**Then what is taking you so long? –RK**

_I'm taking my sweet-ass time. –B_

**Perfect. And when I die of hypothermia we know who to blame. –RK**

_Yeah. YOU! It's not my fault you're a fuck up. –B_

**You know… its moments like these when I say to myself: Wow, Cullen is a lucky guy. His gf is so sweet and kind and nonjudgmental…—RK**

_You're getting on my Merced!—B_

**The fuck?—RK **

_Stupid autocorrect! I meant Merced! –B_

_Damn it! N E R V E S! –B_

**You shouldn't text and drive. If you crash, Cullen will kick my ass. –RK **

**You're lost. Aren't you? –RK**

_Shut. Up! –B_

**Where are you, Bella? You should be here by now. –RK **

_I'm lost. –B_

**Fuck. –RK**

**Where are you now? –RK**

_I said I'm LOST. How the hell should I know where I am? –B_

**Chill. Don't bust a capillary. Do you see any street signs? –RK**

_Hallows Blvd. –B_

**You just HAD to get lost in the worst area possible, didn't you? –RK**

_F-You! Get me out of here! –B_

**Call me. –RK**

**NOW. –RK**

-x-

"The GPS on my phone said to make a left!" I scream for the fifth time in a row. It's like he's not even listening to me.

Royce groans—_again_. "And I _told _you to take a right!"

"Well, that doesn't matter now, does it?"I have to bite my tongue to keep from snapping out unnecessary insults. My eyes dart to the left to watch two guys in puff jackets skirt by while at the same time eyeing my car. "Royce, _get me out of here…_" I sing under my breath nervously.

"Go back the way you came until you're back at Summit Street. Then make a _right_," he utters sarcastically, "and go all the way down until you see Mark's Liquor."

"Then what?" I ask taking the route he just described.

His breathing is frayed. "Then drive up a block or two and I'll be right here."

"Why do you sound like that?" I'm starting to grow worried based on the fading volume of his voice after each spoken sentence.

He hocks up what sounds like phlegm and then spits it out. I nearly gag in my seat. "Just please hurry up, Bella. I really need to get home."

My foot hits the accelerator harder to make it past a yellow light. I stay on the phone with him, even though no one is talking. He doesn't hang up, so I assume he's fine with it. I make the right when I finally make my way back to Summit Street, then I'm looking for the liquor store. I see it after a few minutes, but this can't be it. It's closed—abandoned.

"Uhh…" I hesitate.

"I see you," he pipes up after a long silence. "Keep going straight. You see me?"

My eyes squint at a waving hand. "Yeah," I tell him, "I see you."

But I didn't really _see _him until he hobbled over to the passenger side of my car and opened the door.

"Oh my God!" I cry out in utter horror. My hand reaches to open my door so that I can help him inside when he quickly tells me not to.

"Don't get out!" his command is razor sharp and makes my blood run cold.

I gulp with my hand over the lock button and nod my head. His clothes are rumbled, stretched, and ripped. It's his face that makes my stomach tighten up the most. A deep maroon circles his left eye and dried blood coats the rest of that side of his face. He seems to be having a hell of a time trying to get into my car.

His face is pinched, eyes puffy and barely open, with a busted lip, and cuts and bruises covering every visible surface of his skin. Something is wrong with his right side, I can tell by the way he constantly cringes and grabs at his side when he moves a certain way. His ribs, something is wrong with his ribs. I have a mental picture of curled fists pounding into his flesh and black boots reared to strike an open target at his chest.

I sit frozen as I watch him struggle to bend down into the passenger seat. I want desperately to help him. It's a reflex—sue me. But I don't move, I can't. When he's finally inside, I let out a long held breath of air. My hands clench over the strap of the seatbelt across my chest. He looks like he's been hit by a bus. Just _looking_ at him makes me feel as if I've been hurt as well.

"Go," he utters breathlessly and reclines the seat while he clutches at his side.

I blink at him as if he's crazy. Go? That's it? _Go?_

"Drive, Bella! For God's sake, let's get the hell out of here." He barks out a stern order that breaks me out of my spell.

I drive following the main road all the way until I'm back on the highway en route for La Push. It's only then that I start to settle down. I hadn't even realized how bunched my muscles had been until I feel them loosen up.

"Nice dress." His comment is meant to lighten the mood, but it fails.

"Which way to the hospital?" My question goes unanswered, and only when I ask it again does he respond.

"I'm not going to the hospital." His head rests against the seat somberly. "Drive like you're going to Jake's and I'll stop you when it's time. I'm going to close my eyes for a bit…"

I worry my bottom lip fretfully. "Do you think that's a good idea? I mean, you could have a concussion."

"True," he admits frankly. "But my head feels like it's going to crack open, so I really don't fucking care right now."

My lip will be raw by the time I'm done with it.

Royce lies beside me quietly, still, and sometimes I have to place my finger under his nose to make sure he's still breathing. When I know we're getting closer to Jake's, I call Edward and tell him that I'm going to watch one more movie with Rose, just until she falls asleep. Even through all the loud sounds of laughter and music, I can hear the suspicion in his tone. It eats away at me until I don't think I can do it anymore. Then Royce starts to stir beside me and I quickly end my call with Edward.

"What's wrong?" My eyes dart sideways to see his face scrunch up in pain.

"Nothing," he grunts.

Why do guys do that? Seriously. Why?

"I'm almost at Jake's," I update him on our whereabouts seeing as how he hadn't yet opened his eyes during most of the ride back to town.

"Yeah, yeah. Keep going past the Rez and the Walmart. It's the trailer park you and Jake used to play at." He says all of this while looking half alive.

I pause. "Excuse me?"

He chuckles. "You have so much to learn, little girl. It's obvious how much of your time spent in Forks as a child meant to you. Don't ever tell Cullen that," he snorts to himself with a dopey look on his face. "I'm sure you probably blocked everything out Pre-Belladonna. And when I say Belladonna? I mean the porn star."

On instinct alone my hand shoots out to smack his shoulder.

"Fuck!" he shouts in pain, but with a hint of a small laugh. "Easy there, slugger. Injured misfit on this side of the vehicle."

I roll my eyes. "How did you know that Jake and I—"

"How do you think Cullen met you?" he snorts. "I think it's really freaking hilarious that you used to go to that park every summer and you don't remember it."

"I remember." I grimace.

His head rolls so that he can get a closer look at me. "But you don't remember _him_."

I gulp.

"Take me to McDonald's and I'll sing like a fucking bird for you. Deal?" He sighs in delirium. "I'm an open book, Bella. All you have to do is read me…"

Fuck. He's starting to act drunk. Which means that I seriously have to start thinking about taking him to a hospital against his wishes. There is no way he doesn't have a concussion. What if he falls asleep and dies? What if he barfs in my car? What if…

"_Hi, welcome to McDonald's." _The operator sounds way too cheerful to be spending a Saturday night working a drive-thru at McDonald's. Maybe she's boning her boss?

"_Would you like to try our new five layer Big Mac burger?"_ she continues happily.

I grimace at the very thought. "Uh, no, thank you. Can I have a minute to—"

"_Sure, just let me know when you're ready_." The speaker flicks off with a crackle.

I turn to Royce, who has his eyes closed again. "What do you want?"

"Ohhh, what do I want?" His sleepy tone only adds to my worry over him. "What I want and what I can have are two separate things, Belladonna."

"Stop calling me that or I'll hit you again," I scold him.

Finally, his eyes crack open. "Three burgers, three fries, and one Happy Meal for a pretty girl." He winks up at me.

He's hilarious—not. I relay his order and pull up to the first window. I watch him lazily reach for his wallet in his pocket—I ignore the looks of agony he makes while doing so—before he pauses to look up at me slightly embarrassed.

"I'm gonna need another favor…" He smirks.

-x-

The park is exactly how I remember it. Not a single thing has changed since I was eight years old. It's the same bright colored playground, and the same tire swing, and the same brick wall with various colors of tiny handprints. I want to go look and see if Jake's and mine are still there. We planted our hands on the wall in a way that made it look like we were holding hands.

Best friends forever and all that.

I turn my face away from the playground and focus on Royce again. "You need help?" He seems be warring with himself for the answer, so I unbuckle my belt and walk around to his side. "Give me the food." I hold my hands out.

He does as I ask and I set the bags and cup holder on top of the car. This next part will have to be done cleverly, or he'll never go for it.

"Okay, how do you want to do this?" I brace myself for his answer. He's very prideful—like Edward—so I don't expect him to just agree to let me help him into his home.

"Do what?" He gulps a deep breath just before he heaves himself out of the car.

Time stands still as I watch with my hands out as if to catch him. He doesn't move once he's on his feet, holding his breath in wait of the pain to pass I would guess. What's funny is that I do the very same right along with him.

I can't stand watching him like this. "All right." I push forward and wrap one of his arms around my shoulders to brush up beside him for support. "Come on." I urge him forward.

"I'm not a fucking cripple," he snaps angrily.

"So not going there with you right now, Royce," I warn him as we make our way to the front door. "Easy," I coax him to slow his pace. He's not even leaning on me, making my close proximity useless and a waste of good time I could be with Edward.

"I'm good," he tries to peddle me off. "If you could just bring the food up to the door—"

"Shut up," I stop him. "I'm not leaving until you're cleaned up and you tell me what happened."

"Goddamn, you're clingy," he gripes like a whiny baby.

I leave him at the door to go grab the food that's still on the roof of my car. I close the car door with my hip before making my way back to the steps in front. The trailer home is actually pretty nice, the area isn't as bad as it seems, or else my dad would have _never _allowed me and Jake to play here.

It's a cozy little home that he lives in. It's in a mobile home community, but it's not a trashy looking place. In fact, none of the homes in this area are on wheels at all. It looks like a regular home, it's just that it can be removed from ground fixture and relocated if completely necessary. I admit, it's nicer than I expected. I feel kind of guilty for imagining that Royce was trashy.

"Is your, um," I clear my throat, "is your mom here?"

He snickers. "On a Saturday night? No way in hell. She's a bartender, these are her best nights." He starts to knock on the door in a memorized pattern.

"What are you…?" I pause when the door swings open and standing on the other side of the screen door is a boy around eleven or twelve with brown hair and a Boston Red Sox hat atop his head.

"'Sup, Sammy?" Royce replies as he attempts to stand up straighter. "Do me a favor, huh?" His hand keeps the screen door closed.

"What's with your face?" The little boy, Sammy, squints and moves to turn the porch light on.

"Nah, don't do that," Royce stops him. "Just do me a favor, all right? Take Jack and Bailey into the kitchen, and Bella here," he nods in my direction, "will hook you up with some grub."

Sammy sighs. "They're watching Harry Potter," he says in a dry and bored tone, "you know they won't move from the TV."

"I don't care what you gotta do, Sam. Just get them out of the living room until I can get inside without them seeing me like this," he says angrily.

"Whatever." Sammy rolls his eyes and leaves the doorway.

I gulp and hug the fast food to my chest. "Is that your brother?"

"Yeah," is his gruff reply, "so are Jack and Bailey. The outcomes of my mother's weekly walks of shame, ones in which she blames the alcohol she consumed that night." He snorts. "Samuel Adams, Jack Daniels, and Bailey Irish Cream. Just put the food in the kitchen for them, will ya?"

I'm still trying to process the fact that his mother named her children after alcoholic beverages. He clears his throat and I do as he asks. Royce pulls open the door and holds it so that I can slip inside under his arm. My heels sink into the carpet until I reach the tiled kitchen where they click and clack. The living room is warm and inviting. Inside, it's clean but for a few scattered toys and shoes. I hear laughter from the kitchen and head that way.

Three children sit around a small wooden table with matching chairs. A simple white tablecloth is draped over the surface and three pairs of hands are resting on top in wait of what I have with me. Sammy is watchful as I approach, and I notice that the other two are much younger—maybe five and seven years old. The youngest is obviously the adorable little girl with light brown ringlets that surround her puffy cheeked face. Jack has striking blue eyes that stare up at me curiously. He has a chocolate smudge on his chin and his dark blond hair is in terrible need of a trim.

"Hello." I smile down at them and place the bag onto the table. "Um, we got you some yummy food. Do you like McDonald's?"

Not a peep from any of them, just a few blinks from their nearly identical cobalt eyes. I pull out the burgers and fries and pass them out, handing Bailey the Happy Meal that she excitedly tears into to reveal a plastic My Little Pony.

"So, uh… are you all going to be okay while I go check on your brother?" I glance around the table nervously.

"Are you my R-rwoys's giwlfwend?" the little one, Bailey, asks me innocently. "'Cause you pweety."

I have to smile at how darling she is. "Not nearly as much as you are, pretty girl." I bop her lightly on the nose. She giggles and shyly hides her face away from me. "No, sweetie. I'm not Royce's girlfriend. I'm Edward's girlfriend." I wink.

"Edwood! But that's _my _boyfwend!" She honestly looks as if she's about to kick my ass right now.

"Okay!" I start to back away from her. "Wow. Okay, I'm so sorry. You are completely right. He's all yours."

"Bailey, eat your food," Sammy scolds her. She frowns unhappily but does as he says. I quietly mouth the words _thank you_ to him and then slip down the hall to where I hope to find Royce.

"Ah, _fuck!_" I hear him curse from the last room at the end of the hall. There are three bedrooms all lined up on the left side of the wall with one single bathroom across from them.

"Royce?" I call out just before I invite myself into his room.

He quickly grabs something from the pocket of a sweater in his closet and slams the door shut. "I thought you were gonna bounce?"

"I didn't." I eye his clenched hand and wonder what he has in it but decide not to ask him.

Pausing to look around the room, I'm dumbfounded. White walls, light gray carpet, plain white bed, and a small lamp on top of a few stacked milk crates. His closet door is shut, but from where I stand, I would never guess this to be his room. There is not a single personal touch but for the few pictures that are stuck inside the frame of a long mirror slanted against the furthest wall. He could literally pack his entire life into a single duffel bag.

I clear my throat and step inside. "Why does your room look so… temporary?" I ask aloud.

He sighs and drops his leather jacket onto the bed. "Because it is," he answers solemnly.

My heels are killing me, I toe them off by his door and then cross the room to help him undress. Never in a million fucking years could anyone have convinced me I would be here right now, pulling his soiled shirt up over his head.

"Oh, my God," I gasp the moment the bruises on his torso are visible. My fingers lightly touch the darkest mark over the right side of his ribs. "You have to get this looked at, Royce."

He flinches when my cold fingertips touch his flesh, but he doesn't pull away. "No, I don't. It's fine."

I roll my eyes, annoyed. "You're lying. God, Royce, what the hell happened? Who did this to you?" I gesture at him.

"You already know the answer to that, dollface." He brushes past me to his dresser to pull out a clean shirt. "You don't need to be here anymore. Thanks for the ride. I appreciate it, and it would be in everyone's best interest if you kept this to yourself."

"Why?" I move to stand beside him again. "I have a right to know what I'm keeping from Edward."

Royce closes his eyes and rubs his face with his good arm. "I went to do a run by myself. Trusted the wrong people. Walked into a bad situation and paid the consequences. I know better now, for next time."

"Next time?" I cry, disgusted. "You're lucky you didn't fucking die, Royce! They stole your wallet, your keys… your car?"

He grimaces. "Don't remind me."

"I have to tell Edward." I turn to leave and he grabs me firmly by the arm.

"You won't say anything!" His grip hurts as he tightens his hold. "You hear me? Not a goddamned word."

I try to yank my arm back, but he has me locked where I am. "You're hurting me." My words are a dangerous warning. I know where to hit him in order to make him stop.

He knows it, too, which is why he releases me.

"Why did you call me?" I turn around to face him. "We don't even like each other! Why _me? _I don't want any part of this!"

"I had no one else to call!" he shouts back into my face. "I swear to God, Bella. I would not have called you if I had _any _other option."

"You did! You could have called Edward! O-or Jake!" I slam my hand down onto the dresser. "Alice, even!"

He shakes his head. "I already told you. Cullen would do something stupid and Jake would get dragged into it just to back him up. Alice can't lie to save herself, and I trust _no one _but those three. _You _are the only person I could think of."

I shake my head at him. "What makes you think I won't tell him anyway?"

"You won't." He looks away from my stare. "You care about him too much, which means you wouldn't want anything to happen to him. If you tell him…" His eyes reach mine once more. "You were there that day at Jane and Alec's. You saw how he was, he told me how much it scared you. It's why he's even giving a fuck in those anger management classes. He doesn't do runs with me anymore if they're outside a house party, and he's doing all this shit for _you_."

My breath catches in my throat. He sounds so resentful of me as he speaks. I take a step backward toward the door, wondering if I should just leave him to take care of himself.

"Well, I'm sorry. I'm so very _sorry_ if my being with Edward is cutting into your drug dealing." My face wrinkles into a scowl. "I'm sorry he's trying to be a better person. I'm _sorry _if he doesn't want to put his life in danger just to make a few bucks to buy stupid, selfish shit!"

He storms around me to shut his door before he starts up again. "Look around you, Bella! Do you see a flat screen TV or a state of the art stereo system? How about a simple fucking laptop or iPod? Do you see any of that shit in here, or anywhere in my house?"

I shake my head no.

"Exactly," he spits out, livid, "and that's because every penny I make keeps this roof over our heads and food on that fucking table. My mother is a _bartender_, Bella. You really think she can afford to keep this place? It was left to her by her parents, and it wasn't even paid for. My dad took off before I was even born and she's been trying for years to find a replacement." He steps up closer to me. "You see those kids out there? Not one of them shares the same father. Do you know what it's like to watch some loser walk into my house and spin lies about whisking my mother away to a better place?"

I gulp. Actually, I do know. But I don't tell him that.

"Then, when she's knocked up? They run. Every fucking one of them. And who has to clean up the mess? Who has to make sure the kids get up and ready for school while she's holed up in her room feeling sorry for herself? I see the way you look at me, Bella. It's the same look Rosalie gave me the day she cut me off." He snorts and backs away.

"But none of you know _shit _about me. So, _fuck_ you," he sneers. "Fuck all of you. I do what I do because I have to, not because I'm trash or a loser. You know what? Get out of here." He points to the door.

But I can't move.

I'm still trying to process everything he's just told me. I feel so bad for him, and yet I still feel those lingering feelings from before. The ones that think he's a liar and a womanizer, a selfish thug trying to drag everyone else down with him.

"I said get the fuck out of here!" he roars and it makes me flinch.

"Stop yelling at me!" I cry out at him defensively. "I'm the only one you have right now, asshole. Now sit your ass down on that bed and tell me where to find cotton balls and alcohol."

He rolls his eyes. "Don't fucking pity me. Just go, you did your good deed for the year."

He's really fucking infuriating.

"Where can I find it?" I reply through gritted teeth.

He eases himself down onto the bed. "In the bathroom, obviously."

I walk out of his bedroom and grab what I need down the hall. I snatch the nearest towel that hangs from a rack and jog back to where he is. But when I enter his room, I wish I hadn't.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," I laugh bitterly at the sight before me.

Royce, bent over the top of his dresser, sniffing a line of coke.

He comes back up inhaling deep through his nose and rubbing at it furiously. "How the fuck else am I supposed to deal with this pain in my side?"

"What the fuck was all that crap you just said to me? I knew it!" I slam the alcohol bottle down onto the dresser and drop the towel and cotton balls to the floor. "You almost had me," I laugh, "you really almost fucking had me…"

He cringes. "Bella," he sighs, "I wasn't lying."

I hate that I believe him. If those three kids weren't in the living room I would think he was full of shit. "Then, what?" I set my hands on my hips.

"Then, nothing. I never said I was perfect." He looks back at me with shame. "And if you think your precious little Edward is clean, you're wrong. You don't just go cold turkey, Bella. Cullen is the one who first got me hooked, and then you came along and you think he's suddenly cured? Dream on, dollface. Life doesn't work like that."

My chest heaves with uneven breaths. "I know that," my voice is small, "I just thought…"

He limps to his bed and lies down on his back achingly slow. "I don't mean to be your buzz kill, all right? I'm just telling you that Cullen's trying. So, if he slips up," he groans and holds his side, "don't crucify him for it."

I bite my lip in deep thought. I really had allowed myself to believe that Edward was different. I should have known I was wrong. Life really doesn't work like that. You don't wake up one day and just… _change_. How naïve of me to even fantasize about it.

"Will you be okay if I leave?" I whisper from my spot near the door.

He holds up his hand with his fingers in the universal 'okay' sign. I start to slip my feet back into my heels while I lean against the wall. I don't know what to do or think right now. I have so much going through my mind.

"He's lucky, though," Royce speaks with his eyes glued to the ceiling. "He has you as the reason to quit all the bad stuff and turn it around. The grand prize or whatever. I've always envied him about so much shit. His parents are gone, he's an only child, he has you and Alice, and Esme, and Carlisle…"

I gulp and try to think of something encouraging to say. But I can't. So I leave him lying there on his bed and show myself out. I wave to the kids, who are too enthralled in the ending of Harry Potter to acknowledge me. Sammy gets up and follows me to the door, probably to lock up behind me.

"You're a lot nicer than the other one he used to bring here," he says when I'm outside.

I bustle around to look at him in surprise. "Who?"

Sammy shrugs. "Does it matter? She's gone now."

He shuts the door and I hear the lock turn into place.

-x-

_It's been one hell of a night_ I think to myself as I drag my heavy ass up the stairs to Edward's apartment. The music coming from Alice's house is barely audible and for good reason, it's past two in the morning. I wonder how many people are still at her party. Pulling my copy of Edward's apartment key out—given to me the day before he had to serve detention and wanted me to wait for him to get home—I slide it into the lock sluggishly. I just want to go to bed. I'm tired, and grumpy, and my feet hurt, my head hurts, my chest hurts. Everything just… hurts.

It's dark inside so I flip the switch nearest to the door and the walkway lights up. My heels go first. Followed shortly by my dress, my strapless bra, my nylons, hairpins and ribbons—and where the hell is my mask go?—and finally my stupid g-string. Why the hell do women wear these things again? I leave a trail of my belongings for him to follow like the yellow brick road when he gets back.

Also, it pisses him off how messy I am.

Walking naked through Edward's apartment feels kind of exciting. Like I'm being naughty, like it's something I'm not supposed to do, when really, I'm quite sure Edward wouldn't mind at all. I leave most of the lights off as I make my way into his room and fall face first onto his bed. My eyes feel clumpy and my skin feels oily, and that's when I remember I still have loads of makeup on.

With a whiny moan, I pull myself up and run a quick, hot shower. It feels _wonderful_ after the night I've had. It also feels lonely. It makes me miss my boyfriend. I miss his lips, and his smell, and his arms, and his eyes, and his nose, and his jaw, and…

I towel dry quickly and run over to my phone that's plugged into the wall by my side of the bed. The right side of the bed, it's _mine_. I don't know how or when it happened, but after the third morning waking up on the right, I suppose it was obvious. I own the right side of that lovely orgasm-inducing bed of his. A small giggle escapes me as I bury under his covers and type up a text to send him.

_Come to bed. You have a naked girlfriend waiting for you…_

He sets a record for speed and time as he makes his way over to me. I hear him curse when he trips over my things I left on the floor and it makes me laugh until I cry. He hears me laughing and pretends to be mad at me when he walks into the room loosening his tie. It doesn't last long, because the second I pull back the comforter and push up to my knees, his jaw drops. He eyes me lustfully as I crawl across the bed to help him unfasten each and every button on his dress shirt.

"I'll never be able to look at you and not wonder if it's real or a dream." He runs his hands down my sides and nuzzles his nose against mine.

I pull him to me and wrap myself around him tightly.

I'm falling.

_Hard_.

-x-

**_When you sing, I have to keep it close just as a hymn_**

**_And in your breath I know just what you sing_**

**_And spoken words might not be what we speak_**

**_'Cause in our lungs there's something that we keep quiet_**

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Keep Quiet by Hot Chip_.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teaser for this fic, you might want to check my twitter.

**TK's FIC REC:** _The Plan by QuantumFizzx (One of my top 5 fics!)_

See you next… Friday or Saturday! lol ;)


	22. The Spaces In Between

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. Dirty thoughts about Robert Pattinson? Copyright. All mine.

SHOUT OUTS—_**Jess:**__ILY.__**DarlingSaila:**__LOVE you, BB.__EVERYONE needs to thank this wonderful woman—seriously. You all have no idea how devoted she is to helping get these chapters to you! She was at the hospital today for stitches and STILL beta'd this chapter for all of you! I seriously want you guys to thank her. You can message her on Tumblr (DarlingSaila) do it._

_**Sorry for the delay, peeps. Last week just wasn't go great for me. I think things are okay now! :)**_

_Also, t_hank you everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. I truly appreciate it and you. :)

It's still Friday in California!

11.11.11

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ your dad finds out you have a boyfriend.

Ch. 22: _The Spaces In Between_

My _God,_ Beyonce can shake it. Britney Spears can, too. I seriously respect these two ladies based on their ability to do what they do, and in stiletto _heels_ no less. I can barely walk across a room in them, let alone do an entire dance number in them.

I bookmark the _Single Ladies _music video on YouTube that I was watching and search for Britney Spears's _I'm a Slave 4 U_ again. I should probably branch outward more, if I want a wider variety, but everyone else sucks in comparison. I wish I had their choreographer, seriously. My life would be a whole lot easier if that were so.

Slapping my notebook down onto the keyboard of my laptop, I get back to writing notes. I really need to stop playing around online anyway; I have more important things to do. Like homework, and making sure my shows are set to record on the DVR, and answering yet _another _text message from Rosalie, who keeps asking me my opinion on Emmett.

If she asks me _one more fucking time _if she should go for it, I swear I will make the twenty-minute drive to her house and kick her in her fat ass. Which totally reminds me, her ass _is _actually getting bigger. That's another topic she keeps mass texting me about.

Which is ridiculous because everyone pretty much _knows _by now that she's knocked up. Thank God people respect Emmett far too much to go against his word because Rosalie hasn't been so much as looked at since that horrendous day in the cafeteria.

Jessica hasn't spoken to us either, and no one has been to cheer practice in over a week. Mostly because I refused to go, but Rosalie has convinced me to change my mind. I just don't know when I'll be able to actually _lead _a practice with those backstabbing bitches. Only time will tell, I suppose.

I chew my lip as I absently scribble a small cartoon cock dancing while listening to an iPod in the corner of my notebook. I seriously don't feel like doing a damn thing that has to do with school right now. I want to be with Edward, but he has do his weekly community service today and tomorrow.

I giggle and pull out my phone to look at a picture I snapped of him last week on the side of the road. He has a bright orange vest on and a black beanie over his head. He has a trash bag in one hand and the other is flipping me off. He looks so ridiculous, and completely miserable, but oh so damn funny.

The front door opens, drawing my attention away from my phone, as Dad shuffles inside loudly. He grumbles under his breath and backtracks outside the house again to stomp his boots free of snow. I close my laptop and set my notebook down on top of it—cartoon faced down!—before standing up to stretch my legs and pocketing my phone.

"Hey, Dad!" I call out to him. "You okay over there?" I snicker to myself and make my way through the house to meet him at the door.

"Oh," his head shoots up to stare at me, "hey, Bells. You, uh, you hungry?" He blinks and stands up straighter. "Let's go eat at the diner. Come on, my treat."

My brow lifts curiously. "Your treat, huh?" I tease. "Well, I suppose it should be, given the fact that I am a broke teenager with no job _or allowance_." I add the last with sarcasm because this is a hot topic between the pops and me.

It's like this: I want an allowance; he wants me to get a job—_ha!_

I frown at him as I think about the reality of me actually having to get a damn job. He _knows _I don't have time for a job. Between school, cheerleading, and Edward, I barely have time to shower and wipe my ass.

"We'll talk about it." He gives a minuscule smile. "Go get your coat. I'm hankering for some pumpkin pie."

My eyes shoot wide open. "Oh my Gosh! Dad!" I smack a hand against his shoulder. "I totally forgot about Turkey Day! Are we still going to Florida to visit Mom?"

My dad frowns and looks at the floor before his gaze meets mine again. "About that…"

"Dad! You promised." I feel like he's just told me my dog died… and I don't even _have_ a dog.

I'm immediately suspicious. "Why?" I cross my arms.

"Let's go to dinner," he ushers me outside, "we'll talk then."

I gulp as I walk to the cruiser and suddenly have no appetite.

-x-

I don't ever stop to think about how small Forks is until I sit at The Lodge with my dad. It's like Cheers up in here: It's where everybody knows your name—_especially_ my dad's. I think the waitress, Cora, has the hots for him. Which is really… _gross. _It's almost like he's a celebrity when we walk into this place. Everyone has to personally say hello, personally shake his hand, personally tell me how lucky I am to have Charlie Swan for a father.

I wonder if they would still feel the same if they knew that my dad taught me how to fire a gun on my seventh birthday, or that we eat out every night, or that the last time I heard my dad say he loved me was at my grandmother's funeral six years ago…

But that doesn't mean I'm not grateful. My dad has his flaws, but he's still super awesome. I shouldn't think about the bad things, I should focus on the good ones. Wasn't that what I told Royce to do? _Yeesh._ I grimace as I recall that night in Royce's room. What a trip to Wonderland that was.

"So!" Dad smacks a hand onto the table to grab my attention, but it scares me out of my thoughts so abruptly that flinch, which tips my water glass over and sends ice-cold liquid across the table and right into my dad's lap. Dad jumps up, hollering like a lumberjack, and in return, I turn beet red and pray that the floor will open up and swallow me whole. However, it remains solid, and I'm still cowering down in my chair watching Cora as she and my dad awkwardly move about cleaning up _my _mess. I would laugh if this had happened to anyone but me.

When everything is settled once again, Dad slides into the seat across from me and heaves a giant sigh. It's the kind of sigh that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my body tighten up defensively. It's The Sigh. The one your parents give right before they say stuff that you _really _don't want to hear.

"You got anything you want to tell me?" His mustache twitches under his nose accusingly. How a mustache can be intimidating is something only Charlie Swan can accomplish, I assure you.

I clear my throat to stall for time. "Uh, I don't think so?"

"Really?" He clasps his hands in front of himself on the table.

I blink in confusion. "Yes, really. Why?"

He stares at me as if I were a suspect in his custody. I feel like I'm under a spotlight, getting the third degree. He is the good cop _and _the bad cop. Right now, he's the '_You have five seconds to confess all your sins or it's your ass_' cop. In fact, no, he's not a cop… he's being my dad. It feels kind of weird.

"Bella—"

"Would you just spit it out already? Clearly you have something you want to tell me, and I'm not going to play Twenty Questions with you. So, out with it!" I wave my hands about my face dramatically. I talk with my hands when I'm upset, a trait from my mother's side—the theatrical side.

Our food arrives right then—great timing, Cora—and Dad's hands clench on top of the table anxiously. I pull out from the top of my sandwich a long toothpick with a tiny American flag on it and then proceed to stab my dinner over and over. Dad is watching me silently, and the longer he stays quiet, the harder I stab my food, until finally his hand shoots out to stop my assault.

I grab my water to take slow, attentive sip.

"When were you planning to tell me about you and that Cullen boy?" Dad fires off the first of many sharp shots.

I choke so hard I forget how to breathe for a few terrifying seconds.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? That I wouldn't fine-tooth comb through his _criminal _record?" He scoffs and adds more to himself than to me, "How that boy manages to keep a clean record despite the number of times he's been put into the back of a black and white, I will never know."

Holy shit, I'm so screwed.

"I, uh… well…" I'm literally at a loss in regards to a reply. How the hell does one respond to that? Nothing I say will make Edward look like a prized show horse. My dad will forever hate the guys I date. I never cared about that before.

Until now.

Why now is so different from any other time is a topic I don't wish to discuss. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I don't know. One thing at a time, please?

Dad continues to glare at me with his cop/dad face. "Anything you want to add? Now would be the time, Bells."

I wipe my face with a napkin. "Who told you?"

"That's not what's important." He stops and points a stern finger at me. "What matters is that you didn't tell me."

I make a very unladylike sound in my throat. "I didn't tell you about Jasper either. But I can guarantee you wouldn't be on my case if I had taken him back. Why is that, dad? Is it because of who you _think _Edward is?"

"I don't _think_, Bella, I _know_." He scowls. "Just because he hasn't been charged with anything illegal doesn't mean he hasn't done it. It just means he's never been _caught_."

"You don't even know him!" I screech.

Dad's face turns to stone. "You watch your tone, young lady, you hear me?"

I would roll my eyes, but something tells me that would be a bad idea. So instead, I cross my arms defiantly. "So, what? Are you going to forbid me to see him now?"

He chuckles while he shakes his head. "If I thought you'd actually obey such an order? Then yes, I would."

I narrow my gaze across the table at him suspiciously. "So, where does that leave us, then?"

"That leaves us at an impasse," he grumbles irritably. I open my mouth to defend myself and get silenced by a raised hand from my dad. "I don't want to argue with you, Bella. But I don't trust that boy."

"Then trust _me_, Dad," I beg him.

His hands run tiredly over his eyes. "That's the thing." His hands drop to his lap as he stares at me. "I'm not sure if I do. Not when it comes to that boy."

"That _boy _has a name." I clench my jaw.

Dad's name choice is relentless. "That _boy _is trouble. I may not be in charge of the station in La Push, but I know people."

"Okay?" I shrug. "What does that have to do with anything? Look, Dad, Edward means _a lot_ to me. I don't quite know yet what that means—" Dad grunts and I continue as if he hasn't just made fun of my deep, dark confession, "—but I do know that I want to continue to be with him."

For once, Dad's stony face softens. "You don't…" He clears his throat, uncomfortable, and looks over my shoulder instead of in my eyes. "You don't _love _him, do you?"

My eyes widen into the size of softballs. The word _love _is like Voldemort in my book. You do not say it out loud. I love my mom and my dad. I love Rosalie. I love my grandmother who is no longer with me. I even love vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

But that is _it!_

"Dad, stop." I grimace and press my hands to my stomach when it starts to go crazy with knots. "That's not something I would ever talk about with you, let alone _myself."_

Seemingly put at ease, he sighs in exhaustion. "Fine, then I will consider it if you agree to a few things. This way I won't have to involve your mother." His mustache twitches with a slight smile at his joke.

"Not funny." I now allow my eyes the opportunity to roll.

"You owe Billy a big one after this, you know," he replies curtly. "If he hadn't vouched for that little shit, we would not be discussing this right now."

I make a mental note to bake that man a three-layered cake when I get home. Well, I'll _buy _him a three-layered cake. "Okay, I will." My head bobs up and down excitedly.

_Out with it, old man!_ I want to shout. _Tell me the terms! _However, this situation does strike me as familiar. It's like sitting across from Rosalie in my kitchen all over again. Deja—freaking—vu. _Furrreaky_.

"First," Dad starts, "I want you to _promise _me you will be careful around that boy—"

"Edward," I correct him.

He glares at me. "_That boy_," he corrects _me_ this time, "so that I don't end up having to be the one to lock you up one day and put a bullet in that boy's ass. I'm trusting you here, Bella. You ain't never given me a reason not to before," he exhales a long breath of air, "please don't make me regret that. Second, I want you to think about…" He clears his throat. "Think about what's happened to Rosalie. Keep that in mind if you two ever… you know… I, uh…"

I cringe. "Okay, okay. I get it. You can stop." I shiver and hope that I never have to talk about this sort of thing ever again with my dad. Because _ew_.

"And lastly," his eyes bore into mine, "I want to meet him. Officially. And by officially, I mean you bring him to the house for dinner."

My eyes widen. I gulp. I try to remember to breathe. "You want to… have dinner? With him?"

He nods. "Bring him over sometime this weekend. This will be your one and only chance to win my approval. I suggest you butter me up with good food and pleasant company." He winks devilishly.

I suck my lip right in between my teeth as I wonder how the hell I'm going to pull this off.

-x-

Her once taut and flat stomach now extends out two inches into a small paunch. I lie across Rosalie's bed watching her examine her baby bump in a mirror.

It's become increasingly apparent to me over these past few weeks that my friendship with Rose has changed. I don't feel like we're traveling on the same wavelength anymore, and we're not. She's going one way and I'm going another. I thought this sort of shit was supposed to happen after we graduate, not while we're still in the homestretch.

"Rose," I call for her as I sit up on the bed.

Her eyes lift up to mine from her reflection in the mirror. "Yeah?" she replies with her shirt still being held up above her stomach.

I'm not quite sure what I want to say, but now that I have her attention I feel like I'm ready to burst. I don't even know where to start. I'm scared I'm losing her, I'm scared I might lose Edward if Alice continues to play these fucking games, I'm scared my dad will forbid me to see Edward, I'm scared about Royce and what he's got himself into, I'm scared I'm going to be a lousy cheer captain and we'll tank at nationals…

But instead, all that comes out is, "I miss you."

She lets her shirt drop from her hands and holds her arms out for me to rush into.

"I miss you, too," she whispers into the top of my head. "I feel like we're growing apart and it's scaring the shit out of me."

I tighten my arms around her waist, but not too tight, the little belly bean is in there.

"How do we fix it?" I pull away and ask.

Her eyes are red with unshed tears as she shrugs. "I don't know."

I blink in shock. Since when does Rose not know? She knows _everything_. Problems and their solutions are always caught and followed through. There are no surprises. And if there are, it doesn't matter because she always has a Plan B.

"But you always know," I blubber out in alarm.

Her hands move to cover her stomach. "Not anymore," she sighs.

I set my hands on top of hers. "Then, we'll figure it out."

Rose lets the floodgates open right then and I realize that this is the moment we switch roles. As I pull her into my arms to comfort her, I know that things are going to change even more. Not only will I have to be here for her, but I have to think about the belly bean and everything pertaining to it. Including its father.

Ugh, kill me now.

-x-

It takes five rings before he picks up, and when he does, I almost wish he hadn't. He sounds horrible and it hurts just listening to him. What did he swallow, sandpaper?

"What do you want?" Royce groans into the phone.

I reel in my snippy response and remind myself it's for the BB—Belly Bean.

"How are you?" I raise the first of many questions I have for him.

He tries to snort but it turns into a deep cough that makes him curse, and I can mentally picture him grabbing his ribs. "I'm fine," he lies.

"You don't sound like it," I challenge.

"What do you want, Bella?" His tone turns serious.

So fucking stubborn! "I want to know what happened. Who jumped you? How many guys were there? Have you reported your car? Are you ready to go to the hospital now?"

"I am not high enough to deal with this…" I hear him reply hoarsely under his breath.

"I want answers, Royce." My fingers clench around my phone and I have half a mind to throw it across my room.

"Well, I want a billion dollars," he scoffs. "We can't always get what we want."

I don't have time for his bullshit. "You better start talking or I'm going straight to Edward and I'm telling him everything."

"You do that," he challenges me, "and then let me know how that turns out for you. Because we all know how understanding Cullen can be."

He has me there. That little fucker. How dare he throw that in my face after everything I did for him. I don't want to approach Edward with something like this, especially not now. He'll blow a fucking gasket. Which is why I want _Royce _to be the one to tell him. That way, by the time it's my turn to get yelled at, he'll already have let most of his anger out on Royce. It's not the most moral thing, but it works for me just fine. Preferably if Royce gets knocked around a bit, too.

"Be that as it may, who do you think he's going to be more pissed at? You or me?" I call his bluff.

He chuckles. "Good one, doll. You're not going to let this drop, are you?"

The tension in my shoulders eases up a bit. "No," I assure him, "I'm not."

"Fine. Tomorrow, after school, you can swing by here and we'll talk." He sure as hell doesn't sound enthusiastic about it, he sounds resigned.

I feel only slightly guilty about forcing him to talk to me about something so personal. However, I have a duty to uphold. If I get Royce to shape up, then Rosalie won't have to stress so much about her baby daddy, and Edward won't have to stress so much, either. It's a win/win if I pull this off.

Lord, please let me pull this off.

"I have cheer practice after school, but afterward I'll be at your house. Have you reported your car stolen yet?" I ask as I dig my toes under my comforter.

It's late and I need to go to bed soon. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep through the entire night this time. I hate not being able to make my mind shut up before bed. It's like the entire day has to be replayed before I can wind down.

"Yeah, about that," he pauses, and I prepare myself for something bad, "I got it back."

I'm not quite sure I heard him correctly. "You what?"

"I got my car back," he explains. "Aro..." he trails off and I know he's not going to tell me anything more than that little slip-up. "I got my car back. Drop it. It's done."

Like hell it's done.

"And your bruises?" I push for as much information as I can get from him before he shuts me out completely.

"I'm _fine_, Bella," Royce tries his best to convince me.

I'm not having any of it. "You're full of shit, Royce. Have you forgotten who picked you up that night? You looked like you were hit by a freaking bus. No way are you _fine_, all right? Don't be the tough guy, you suck at it."

"I'm hanging up now," he gripes crossly.

I feel the invisible door slam shut between us and end the call. Lying in my bed, I stare up at the ceiling and wonder what I'm going to do if he's seriously hurt. How the hell will I get him to an E.R. when he's nearly as stubborn as Edward is?

Speaking of…

I dial my boyfriend and cuddle further beneath my blankets after switching the light off in my room. Shadows are cast out against my walls from the bay window on my left. Sometimes that tree outside really creeps me out, because I always think it's going to break through the glass and try to eat me like Carol Anne in _Poltergeist_.

_Yeesh._

Oh, great, now I've scared myself.

"Hey, baby," Edward answers with a yawn. "I was just about to call you."

I grin like a fool and bury my face into my pillow. "I miss you," I confess to him truthfully.

"I miss you, too," he sighs tiredly. "You in bed?"

"Mmmhmm," I hum.

His voice deepens, "You wearing my favorite shirt?"

I pull up the collar of the oversized shirt I'm wearing and inhale a deep breath. My lashes touch the tops of my cheeks as I get drunk on Edward's scent. "Come over," I whisper to him.

His breath catches. "Really?"

"Yes," I giggle, "my dad's at work until two, and I miss you. Park down the street in case my dad comes home early. He won't come up here because he'll think I'm asleep."

"I can give you something to help you sleep." His words drip with innuendo.

I bite my lip. "I don't know," I tease him. "I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I may need more than one… _dose_."

The sound of his keys jingling gives me chills as I imagine him walking to his car. "I can give you as many you need, baby."

"Oh," I smile, "I was hoping you'd say that."

-x-

A little under an hour later, I grow giddy when I hear the rumble of Edward's engine getting closer to my house. Hoping out of bed, I rush to my window to see him pass by and park a few houses down. I feel like I've just stuck my finger into a power socket, my entire body is tingling with anticipation. It's not just sexual. It's more than that. I really do _miss _him. It's Tuesday night and I haven't been in his arms since Sunday morning.

The instant I see him walking toward my house, I'm darting for the stairs, which I take two at a time, until I'm out the door and running down the driveway. I probably should have thought about what I was doing first before I went barreling outside in the fucking freezing weather in just my underwear and Edward's t-shirt. My socks are damp from my tryst through the snow-covered ground and I can't really feel my toes anymore.

But none of that matters when I'm two feet in front of him and he stops to look at me with a giant smile on his face. A smile that is all mine. I make an embarrassingly girly sound as I launch myself up into the air and into his arms with my legs around his waist and his hands on my ass. Our lips smack together like magnets and I hum and moan and dig my fingers through his hair.

"What the hell are you doing, you crazy girl?" he chuckles against my lips. "It's freezing out here."

I shiver—from the cold or from him, I'm not sure—and grab his face between my hands to kiss him again. My thighs squeeze around his waist tighter and my arms circle his neck to hug him as close to my body as possible.

"Keep me warm," my voice quivers. "Hold me tighter. Don't let go."

"Never stop," he says in a soft voice and walks us slowly up to the front door. His grip with his right arm tightens when he uses his left to reach out and shut the door behind us. When the lock is in place, he turns his head to stare into my eyes intimately in a way that only he knows how.

I feel like I'm going to explode. Is this what being in love feels like? Like my entire body is on vibrate, and the world is brighter and more colorful and… and… beautiful? I feel as if I should have cartoon hearts for eyes whenever I look at Edward. My heart goes into overdrive and my knees get weak, and I can't explain a single solitary thought in my head because there are too many of them.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks me right before he starts up the stairs to my bedroom.

I sigh and wrap myself around him like a sloth around a tree branch. What am I thinking about? Hmm.. how about what I plan to do with my fuckhot boyfriend? There's not room for much else except for him at this moment. All I can comprehend is how warm he is and how good he feels against my cold skin.

When I dig my face into the crook of his neck I smell something different and strange, something that is not Edward. "What is that?" I pull back with a wrinkled nose. "You smell like dead flowers or something. I don't like it."

Edward laughs softly and sets me down onto the floor once we're inside my room. "That would be Mrs. Gilmore." He smirks while taking off his jacket. "She kept pinching my cheeks and hugging me. It was kind of creepy, actually."

I giggle into my hands. "Did you get hit on by little old ladies at the retirement community, Edward? A poor innocent boy inside the cougar den."

"Fuck, more like the dinosaur den," he grunts. "I have never seen so many old people in my entire life. It's fucking creepy as hell in there, Bella. Everywhere you turn there's someone standing there waiting to tell you their life story. And I have to listen to every—single—one."

I try not to laugh. "Oh, come on. It can't be that bad," I chide him as I pull on his arm to bring him down onto the bed with me. "Those poor old biddies can't help themselves, Edward. You're a hot piece of ass."

I squeal when he pinches my ass cheek super hard. "Keep laughing." He tries to pinch me again and misses. "Some of those old chicks are loaded. I don't mind having me a sugar momma."

"Gross!" I throw my head back and laugh out loud.

"Nah." He smirks and draws me into his arms. "I'm just fucking with you."

He rolls me onto my back and I grin up at him and nuzzle my nose with his. "Good, I don't want to have to throw down with Betty White for stealing my man."

Edward's eyes are piercing as he raises my chin with a hand and presses a deep, longing kiss against my lips. "There's not a single person in this whole world I want more than you, Bella."

Blinking up at him, I feel a tug in my chest. It happens a lot nowadays. A fluttering in my stomach, loss of breath, tightening in my chest… and every time it's been with Edward. My hands reach up to cradle his face and bring his mouth back down to mine for another toe tingling kiss. It's chaste and sweet and lingering. I feel his fingertips at my waist while his lips tease my ear and the side of my neck, and soon his hands are under my shirt and gripping my breasts.

"Fuck, I missed you," he pants into my shoulder and pulls back to quickly rid himself of his shirt.

Wanting to feel his skin against mine, I follow his lead and discard the only thing I have on besides my underwear. The sleep shirt I was wearing flies across the room, over Edward's shoulder, seconds before I hear his zipper slide down and the clink of his belt buckle. Shivers consume me in wait of what's to come. I swear on everything that I never used to be this horny all the time, I know I wasn't, but then again, I didn't have Edward in my room—in my bed. Holy shit. Edward is in my room… in bed…

IN. MY. ROOM.

"What's wrong?" he stops with his pants half way down his legs.

"Uh," I lick my lips, "you're in my room."

He blinks at me in confusion. I expect him to pull his pants up and ask what the hell I'm on, but instead, he shoves them the rest of the way off and kicks them free. They drop to the floor in a heap beside his shirt, and then it's just him and me in our underwear… on my bed.

IN. MY. ROOM.

"Bella," he says my name firm and I snap out of my haze quickly. "What is it?" I close my eyes as his fingers brush the hair away from my face. "Are you scared that your dad's gonna come home?"

I shake my head. "No. It's just… you're in my fucking room."

"No shit, Bella. So what?" He takes an observant look around. "Very… _girly_," he adds and turns his attention back to me. "It fits you." He bops my nose with a finger.

I feel the heat of embarrassment flow through my body. I've never actually had a boy in my room before besides Jake and my dad, and neither of them counts. I've never had to worry what anyone thought about my room before, because, well… I didn't give a shit, until now.

"It's just…" I feel like Darryl Hannah in _Splash _with my hair hanging down my sides and covering my nipples. I'm a mermaid. I'm… my eyes roam my room to search for each and every embarrassing thing I forgot to hide before Edward walked inside. My Harry Potter shrine on my bookcase, a movie poster of The Notebook on the back of my door, and not to mention, the blackmail-worthy collection of Beanie Babies lining the shelf above my computer desk. He's going to think I'm a huge nerd.

His warm hands spanning my waist and sliding up and down my sides brings my eyes back to his. Sometimes I have to remind myself that Edward doesn't give a fuck who I am. He doesn't care that I'm a cheerleader, or if I hang out with the 'popular' crowd, or how much money I have. He's here because he wants to be here. He's with me because he _wants _to be with me. There is no ulterior motive—excluding sex, but I want that, too, so it doesn't count—he just wants… _me_.

"Tell me," his whisper is distracting.

I look down and place a hand over his knee and the contact of my palm over his skin sends a heat of desire through us both. Without warning, I'm flung across the mattress and he's on top of me. He kisses my lips twice. Two soft, swift pecks before he asks me again to tell him what's wrong.

"I just don't want you to see my room and think I'm a loser or a baby," I admit out loud, and then I cringe because just saying that makes me sound like a baby.

Then he laughs—_laughs?_—at me seconds before he's all over me. His mouth is insistent, and his hands are greedy and everywhere all at once. I gasp when his fingers pinch me in sensitive areas and moan when his teeth tease me in others.

"Hmm… but you're _my _baby." His breath is hot and his voice raspy in my ear. I tremble beneath him and my legs wrap around his hips to pull his erection closer to the spot between my thighs still covered with damp cotton.

"I love when you call me that," I admit with a deep moan.

His hands slink up my sides, rough and calloused against my soft skin. I love his hands, especially when they do what they're doing right now: Caressing me, exploring me… _admiring me_. He makes me feel like the most desirable person in the world when I'm with him. I've never felt like that before. I've never felt so… _beautiful_.

His lips trails down my neck, past my collarbone, peppering kisses on his way to my stomach, where he pauses to suck my skin between his teeth. I jump in surprise when his teeth nip at me, and then he's pulling my cotton panties from my pelvis and over my knees until he's yanking them away from my ankles. I inhale a deep breath that I hold while his eyes devour every inch of me.

"You look so damn good lying there, naked and waiting for me." His breath spreads across my inner ankle as he grazes his lips lightly over it.

I reach for him and he slowly shifts to plant hands on either side of my head so that he hovers over me in a sturdy push-up. My hands slide down his sexy chest, to his rock hard abs, and then back up to feel every taut and pronounced muscle from his shoulders to his wrists. Only when I look up into his eyes again does he very slowly and carefully lower himself down onto me. A breath of air is pushed from my lungs as his weight on my chest grows heavier.

I exhale little by little and glide my fingertips up and down his back. His body shivers over mine profoundly and I let loose a small whimper. Emotions mix together inside of me and I can't decide which one I feel more of in this moment. With one of my hands, I touch the side of his face and slide my thumb over his mouth, licking my lips in anticipation.

Everything between us is never simple or taken for granted. Every touch is electric. Every glance a silent promise. Every word a prayer. How many people can say that in regards to their relationships? I've only ever read in books this kind of passion between Edward and me. Movies are too vague—they cannot explain the inner chaos of the mind, or the eruption of desire in the body whenever the other person of interest walks into a room. It's intense—_heavy_—with unguarded feelings and sensations. I think a part, a big part, of me knows what this is. I'm just too chickenshit to admit it.

His lips find mine once more, and after that, there is no more slow and careful. It's hot and passionate and rough. It's my nails down his back and his teeth at my neck. It's my hips lifting up into his and his cock begging to be let free from his boxers. I whimper and moan and rub myself against him while he, in return, buries his face in my shoulder and grabs handfuls of my tits with his thumbs flicking my pert nipples. My knees are bent and touching my elbows as I use the toes of my feet to push his boxers down his hips and past his thighs so that I can grab hold of his dick with my hands and slide my curled fingers up and down his shaft.

His eyes clamp shut with his forehead pressed against mine. Deep concentration is etched across his wrinkled brow while his mouth parts to break the silence with quick, deep breaths of air. I slick the moisture around his tip and grease him up and down.

Edward groans into my mouth and bucks into me so hard I let him go and press my palms against his chest. One quick shove is all the indication he needs for us to switch roles, with me on top this time. He grins up at me with sluggish eyes that show hints of pink and I know he's still slightly high from the blunt he probably smoked on his way here to me. My nails tease him from his shoulders to his stomach as I crawl down his body without losing eye contact. I bite my bottom lip when I'm settled down between his legs and only then do look away from him as I grab hold of his cock like a joystick. I feel it eagerly accept my touch with a slight twitch, and as a reward, I lick him bottom to top like a popsicle. His foreskin feels smooth against my tongue, and my taste buds enjoy the sensual tang of what drips out the tip eagerly in wait of consumption. I welcome him with my eyes on his as my mouth slowly coats his cock. He trembles and fists the sheets in his hands while I giggle, and he tightens up in anticipation. I swirl my tongue around the tip and then swallow as much of him as I can, then I pull back up and do it again. And again. And again.

"Fuck!" he yells out into the room when I graze his skin with my teeth. I'm still learning what he likes, what makes him shiver and cum like crazy. It's not fair really, because he knows exactly how to make me cum on command. It's like he knew me before he _knew _me, if that makes sense.

My jaw opens as wide as possible—he's so thick in my mouth—and it's almost like when you look at an ice cube from the tray and pop it between your teeth expecting it to be a lot fucking smaller than it really is. Then again, looking at Edward's monster of a penis is not misleading. I pretty much know it's going to take some serious work to take this sucker down. Fun times.

My free hand takes care to remember the underside of him as I palm his balls and gently give them a squeeze. My tongue joins in to slick over them before I lightly press my lips to each one in a teasingly tender kiss. As I lift my head and lick my way back up to the top, I decide to do something I've never done before. I scoot in closer and rub him up and down between my tits. I know he has a thing for my itty bitty titties. Just barely more than a handful, but he always makes sure to give them proper attention whenever he can. I recall the first night we were together and I asked him to come on me. I whimper at the memory and that throws Edward over the edge. He darts forward to snatch me up onto my knees so that I straddle his lap.

"Wait," I stop him before he slips into me. "Condom."

His face falls. "But I thought you took those pills so that we don't have to use condoms?" I swear to god his bottom lip juts out in a pout.

I want to say no, I really do. The freaking doctor at the clinic drilled it into my head over and over that the safest way is to use both the pills _and _a condom. But she doesn't have a naked Edward Cullen beneath her, and she doesn't know what it feels like to have his cock inside her either. I do. And now I want to know what it feels like without a condom.

I exhale through my nose and nod my head to give him the green light. His entire face lights up as if he's just won a jackpot in Vegas. I don't even get a warning before he grabs his cock in one hand and lines us up to ram it home.

OH. MY. GAWD!

No words. It's different. It's amazingly different, and I feel every inch of him inside every inch of me. The sensation is like ten times amplified. I moan, and he moans, and I _need _to have his mouth on mine. He needs it, too, and I know because he pulls me to him and kisses me with a passion unlike any other as he rolls his hips up into my mine and I cry into his mouth. The connection between us is infinitely stronger as I start to move with him and he groans in desire. His legs tense up and he moves up the bed so that his back is to the headboard and we're face to face.

"You okay?" he whispers, his lips ghosting over my cheek and landing under my chin.

A frivolous laugh bubbles out from my mouth. "Yeah." I nod my head adamantly. "I'm so fucking okay right now I can't… I just…" I moan and gasp and lift and lower and slide and cover. "Oh, my God, Edward," I whimper and tremble above him, "so deep…"

"Fuuuck, yeah." His words are breathless as he works to lift my hips and draw me back down to him. "That's me inside you, baby. Just me."

I moan in response. All I can do is follow his lead because I am unable to comprehend a single thought outside _FUCK-OH-FUCK-YES-MORE-PLEASE!,_ and all I can do is ride him with my mouth silently agape. He's stolen all my words and replaced them with his cock. Why is it so much better without a condom? Why does it feel as if he's more than just inside of me? It's almost as if he's _inside _of me—inside my body, inside my head, inside… _everywhere_. I feel like my fucking heart is pounding away between my legs. The sensation is fucking _unbelievable_.

"Bella," his voice is strained, "you feel so good this way." His hands tenderly push my hair from my face, and when he kisses me, his tongue slides into my mouth like his cock slides into my pussy. I cry out and it's like there is an earthquake inside of me, I can't stop trembling. Then I feel one of his hands slide down between us and his fingers start flicking my clit extremely fast, to the point where I scream as loud as I can with my head thrown back and my chest heaving.

I quiver and curl my fingers through his hair to grab hold of fistfuls to pull at my leisure. I want him harder and faster, and when I say so out loud, he flips me onto my back. But he doesn't lie on top of me this time, instead, I watch as he settles in behind me, as if to spoon me. Curiously, I arch my brow at him and all he does is wink at me before lifting my right leg from under my knee to bring it up to his shoulder, planting a single kiss where my leg bends.

"What are you doing?" I gasp at him over my shoulder. "Edward—_ohhhh!_" My protest turns into one of the most pleasurable moans of all time as he slides back into me from behind.

He pushes all the way in so that I feel his balls touch my pussy lips like a tender kiss between our sexes. My head falls back onto my pillow beside my left arm, which I use to knot my hair between my fingers in a tight fist. _So good_.

"Keep your leg up here." His grip tightens as he starts to pull out, and I curl my free arm around his neck to bring his face down to mine in a sloppy kiss.

We moan together and share our mutual craze with colliding hips and gentle kisses that cause my body to blush from head to toe. His chest is slippery against my back from our sweat, and the heat that burns between us catches flame and surrounds in an inferno of passion. His fingers delve down deep into the flesh on the inside of my thigh as he holds my leg in place. His other is now clasped with my own hand that's above my head. I can feel his eyes on me, much like I can feel his hot breath blow across my chest and tease my nipples.

If possible, I tremble even more than I already was. I feel an incredible fullness that goes all the way to my stomach. With every thrust inside of me, I moan and cry out in ecstasy as he whispers in my ear how unbelievably sexy and beautiful I am, how incredibly good it feels to fuck my pussy with his cock. He tells me he can feel my walls clench around him, and that I'm so tight, and it feels so good. His words fuel my desire and I know I'm going to come soon—so, so deliciously soon.

"Edward," I warn him with a shaky voice, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna come…" My eyes clench shut and my arm around his neck draws him down to me.

He's almost there with me, I know it because he's fucking me harder and faster, and he's grunting and sweating and heaving and cursing. "Come for me, baby. Come all over my cock," he urges me to finish first, and to help speed things along, he releases my leg, presses two fingers against my clit, and wiggles them back and forth frantically.

I love when he talks dirty to me. It makes me feel naughty, and it stirs me on so that I'm tiptoeing the edge of euphoria. My muscles tighten up as my lungs fill with a deep breath, and then his large hand slides up my stomach to grab my tits and pinch my nipples, and I explode. I'm crying out his name along with, "Yes! Yes! Oh, fuck yeah, like that… Oh my God, Edward!"I'm gone.

But I'm not fully satisfied until his face scrunches up and his eyes clench shut right before he finally comes inside of me—pulsating between my walls and causing my eyes to roll into the back of my head. There are no words in any language to describe how it feels to have him come inside of me. I'm a million stars in a galaxy, a billion molecules, with Edward as my chemical bonds, holding us together on this rollercoaster ride of an orgasm.

"Come here," I whisper and move so that he collapses over me in a heap of expired energy. I laugh deep within my chest and cradle his face between my breasts as he nuzzles each peak with his nose, followed by a soft kiss.

We lie like this as we catch our breath, waiting for our heartbeats to sync up back to normal. As it is, I can feel his chest pounding against mine with frantic hearts begging to meet. My fingers languidly comb through his hair as if soothing a loved one. It feels soft at the edges and damp at his scalp from the exertion of sex. But it's comforting, it's him, and it's me, and it's us.

I bite my lip as another wave of anxiety hits me full force. I'm falling in love with him. I'm… no. I inwardly chastise myself. I don't _love-_love him. Not yet. I can't, it's too soon. We're too young. We're just in deep like. Deep infatuation… obsession… I can't define it. I don't _want _to define it. I'm terrified that when I do, when _we _do, that we'll ruin it.

It's Voldemort!

"Hey," he drawls, "what's the matter?"

No way am I going to tell him the truth. So instead, I tell him a _different _truth. I tell him about dinner with my dad and his ultimatum. I expect Edward to brush it off and agree easily. I should have known to expect the exact opposite when it comes to Edward. Instead of a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders and a promise to attend, he tenses up and asks why.

"What do you mean _why?_ I already told you. My dad thinks you're going to corrupt his only child. Don't worry, he'll only threaten your life while brandishing a gun. But don't worry, it won't be loaded." I kiss his cheek. "I'll make sure to hide his bullets."

At his silence, I pause to stare at his face. He's deep in thought and he may as well not even be with me in my bed. It's like he's a thousand miles away from me and I hate it, I hate when he does that. Why must I always have to climb those tall and solid walls of his?

"I was just kidding," I say with a nervous gulp. "You're going to come, though, right? Edward?" I shake him slightly. "Will you please answer me?"

I blink and wait as he pushes up on his forearms to stare at me blankly. "I don't really do well with parents." His response is devoid of emotion. "I'm not sure this is a good idea."

I can only gaze up at him in astonishment. "So, what? Are you saying no? You're not going to have dinner and meet my father?" I push him away from me and pull the covers up over my chest.

"I didn't say that." He cringes. "I just… I just don't wanna fuck this up. I don't know if I can do it, Bella. Your dad scares the ever-loving fuck out of me. He'll hate me on sight. Hell, he hates me already."

"Don't say that." I grab his hands. "Please do this for me, Edward? For _me_. I want you to get along with my dad. It's very important to me, okay? _Please_, Edward? _Please_?" I beg him.

His hands frame my face softly, and with a sigh, he nods his head. "Okay." He leans forward to kiss my forehead. "Calm down, baby. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, come here." He draws me into his arms to hold me.

"Stay with me," I whisper to him.

"Okay." He kisses my temple. We settle down into the bed, still undressed, and even though it's cold in the house, I'm warm because of Edward.

"Stay the night with me," I tell him with my forehead pressed underneath his chin. I rub his scruff against my skin and tangle our legs together. "I want to fall asleep just like this."

His hands slide up and down my back. "Okay." His lips touch the top of my head. "I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"No," I snuggle even closer to him, "stay with me all night. I don't want you to go. I want you here when I wake up tomorrow."

He chuckles. I feel a huge weight lift from my shoulders at the sound of it. I want him happy, because I'm happy. I don't know why he's reluctant to have dinner with my dad and me. It's not like he's never met him before.

"What if your dad walks in?" he says in a sleepy tone. "I don't want a bullet in my ass."

My hands slink down his waist to squeeze his ass. "Mmm, me neither."

"Go to sleep, pretty girl." His voice is hoarse with fatigue, and when I ask him to talk to me until I fall asleep, he hums to me instead. It's a pleasant harmony with hardly any words, but it's soothing and somehow familiar. I can't put my finger on it, and the more I think about it, the more I feel sleep taking me away.

When I wake up next it's still dark out, but the sun is set to rise at any moment. Edward kisses me goodbye, but it takes several more kisses and whispered words and promises before I let him go. He leaves through my window, climbing down the side rail like a spider monkey. I make a mental note to tease him about it later and snuggle back into bed. I have another hour before my alarm goes off. I hug the pillow Edward slept on and fall back to sleep with the hugest smile on my face.

I'm not in love. I'm not. No, really. I'm not.

I'm not…

-x-

Grains of sand through an hourglass move faster than this fucking class.

Staring at the clock above my teacher's head, my knee bounces like crazy while I count down the seconds before the bell rings. I really have to fucking pee. I knew drinking that Starbucks coffee this morning was a bad idea, but Rosalie _made _me. Yes, she _made _me drink it. And she _watched _me drink it, and I had to explain to her what it tasted like, what it felt like.

She is _so _weird!

"_But I can't have coffee while I'm pregnant, Bella! I need to live vicariously through you until I pop this sucker out!_" That was her excuse for being a damn weirdo before first period earlier today.

Not only that, but Edward keeps sending me perverted text messages and they're making me all squirmy and hot. Every time my phone vibrates I feel it in my core. I slide my finger across my screen to unlock my phone and read the last text from my Sex God.

_**I can still feel you. Can you still feel me?**_

Fuck yes, Mr. Cullen, I certainly do. I'm also a little sore, so we must have been more thorough than I thought we were. I discreetly text him back: _Yes, and it hurts, too. _Instinctively, I want to place my palm over my poor, battered lady bits, but something tells me that wouldn't appropriate right now. My eyes fly back to the clock. Six more minutes.

Edward texts back: _**I'm sorry, baby. Want me to kiss it better after school? **_

My fingers type out a quick response of _Fuck yes, you better! _But right before I press send, I remember that I have cheer practice after school. I also have to force Royce to see a doctor.

Shit. What do I say? I compose about four draft texts before I finally settle on: _Cheer practice & then I promised Dad I would be home tonite. Tomorrow?_

Another glance at the clock tells me I have three more minutes before I'm able to relieve my full bladder. Never again. I will never down a Venti Vanilla Latte ever again in under three minutes. I'm wired as fuck and I have to pee.

"Ms. Swan? Something you want to add to my lecture? You seem very eager to say something." Mr. Banner stares across the room at me from behind his thick spectacles. This also means everyone else in the damn room is staring at me.

"Uh…" My eyes dart to the whiteboard for a clue as to what the hell he's talking about. "Umm… no? I think you pretty much covered it." I nod encouragingly.

Snickers all around. Then Angela chimes in to save my ass and the attention shifts to her. I feel really bad that I haven't spoken to her since that day Ben kicked me out of a Student Council meeting. I haven't been to a single meeting since. I'm surprised they haven't kicked me out completely yet. I need to make a note to actually _attend _those again. I need more community service hours under my belt for my college applications. The cutoff date is this month.

_**I can make a late nite visit again…**_

I smirk down at my phone. I knew he'd think he could make a habit out of staying the night with me now that he's had a taste of it. I text back that, yes, he can. Who am I kidding? I don't even think I can sleep without him next to me now. I've ruined my sleep habits. Damn him. Fuck, soon I'm going to have to admit that I love him or something…

"Pssst! Bella!" someone calls out to me secretively, and when I turn around, Tia Kebi is leaning forward in her seat. "Hey, uh, do we have practice today? Everyone's been wondering what's going to happen now that Rose is… you know." She has the good sense to look down at her hands when she says that last part.

I wonder if she drew the short stick and that's why she's the one asking me, or if she just volunteered to do it. Either way, I'm not ready to forgive any of them just yet.

"Yes," I answer her with a scowl. "Don't be late or I'll be on your ass. Tell that to the rest of those backstabbing bitches, too."

Tia gulps. "I'm really sorry about what happened that day. I didn't know Jess was going to take it that far. If it makes you feel any better, we all got detention, and Jessica was almost suspended."

I roll my eyes and stare at the clock, willing it to strike eleven fifteen so I can make a beeline to the ladies' room. _Forty more seconds._

"No," I snap at her—_thirty-three more seconds_—"it doesn't make me feel better. And anyway, it's not _me _you should be apologizing to."

_Twenty…_

"I know, but Emmett said not to—"

The clock's slow. The bell rings eighteen seconds before the second hand hits and I'm out of the classroom like a bat out of hell. I feel like my I'm going to pee my damn pants. How embarrassing would that be? How the hell does one live that one down? You don't. Not even peeing your pants in grade school is acceptable, and I know that for a fact, because everyone still makes fun of Kyle Simpleton, and from what I hear, it happened in pre-school.

"Belly!" Emmett's voice booms down the halls. "What's upper, Belly Boo?" He nudges me as we walk down the hall.

"Not much, just about to explode from that damn latte Rosalie made me swallow before school this morning." I start to walk a little faster.

"Yeah, she's a funny girl lately. I'm actually on my way to walk her to class. See you at lunch?" He pivots to head toward the west wing of the school and I stop with a look.

"We can't coddle her forever, Em." I frown at him. It worries me that she'll become too dependent on us if we don't start pushing her to do certain things herself.

"Maybe not," he shrugs, "but I won't stop until she tells me to."

I watch him walk away and shake my head. "That's the problem," I whisper to myself. "She won't."

-x-

I'm late.

My first cheer practice with me as the captain and I'm freaking _late_. Way to set the bar, Bella. Geez, what is wrong with me? Why am I constantly incapable of arriving anywhere on time? I would not put it past me to be late to my own funeral.

_Here lies Isabella Swan… Wait. Where is she? _

My sneakers squeak against the shiny floors as I book it down the halls in school. I really needed to talk to my English teacher about a project she assigned me, with _Newton_ of all people. I needed to explain to her why I refuse to work with him. My restraining order should be enough, however, no one is taking it all that serious. Hell, even I'm not. But that's because I'm not scared of Mike.

Plus, Edward would kill him at the drop of a dime on my word. Why that makes me smile to know that, I will never know—or admit to. It makes me sick in the head, I know. Which is why it's a secret. For me to know.

"It's about fucking time!" Jessica shouts the moment I walk into the gymnasium.

My feet stop with a resounding squeak as the rubber soles on my shoes slam to a halt. Everyone in the group before me visibly tenses up. Jessica just rolls her eyes, not the least bit afraid of what I can do. Which gives me the perfect opportunity to make an example out of her.

Slowly, my head turns so that I can stare at her. "Hey, Jess. You're limber, right?" Her eyes roll in response. I grin and take a step toward her. "I want you to stand off to the side and show up the bow and arrow pose."

"Seriously? That's, like, the easiest thing ever." Her face is annoyed, but haughty as well. She knows she can do the pose in her sleep. Almost all of us can.

She takes the few steps off to the side of the group and keeps her right leg straight. We watch her right knee lock to help keep her sturdy so that she can lift her other leg up to a heel stretch. The guys cringe and the ladies stand back watchful. Not all of us can attempt this exercise on our own, because some of them need help stretching their leg up at their side. Jessica brings her left arm up and over her head to grab the heel of her foot that's up by her head, mimicking a bow. Then she points her other arm sideways in front of her outstretched leg—the arrow.

A few of the girls clap in appreciation. Jessica keeps the pose with a giant grin on her face and I walk up to her slapping my hands together, as well. Her eyes bore into mine in challenge and I start to laugh softly.

"Perfect," I commend her and then turn serious. "Now, stay in that pose for the remainder of practice. If you fall or loosen your pose? I'll make you do it all over again next practice. And if you fail again? I'll make the entire squad stand in that pose until you finish showing me every cheer position I call out."

Her face turns deadly, but she utters not a word in response. Wise move. I nod my head and turn my back on her to address the squad.

"All right, let's get started!" I shout.

-x-

_I think I might've inhaled you_

_I could feel you behind my eyes_

_You've gotten into my bloodstream_

_I could feel you floating in me_

_The spaces in between_

_Two minds and all the places they have been_

_The spaces in between_

_I tried to put my finger on it_

_I tried to put my finger on it_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Bloodstream by Stateless_.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teaser for this fic, you might want to check my twitter.

TK's FIC REC: _Night Must Fall by katinki __(Completed fic. VERY well written, reads like a novel. Structure is well planned and the follow through does not disappoint. It's a Vampire fic, one of the best I have seen. I actually read the entire thing! I usually don't like the way people portray vampires, but this one was a breath of fresh air.)_

**_Did you know... _**11 was my cheerleader tryout number? I made the squad, so it's been my lucky number ever since! ;)

See you next… Friday!


	23. I'm a Sucker For That

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would have been the one on Isle Esme with Edward, mmmmkay?

SHOUT OUTS—_**Jess:**__ILY.__**DarlingSaila: **__You are the wings beneath my writing wings. Thank you for everything you do, BB__. __**EVERYONE:**__ t__hank you everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. I truly appreciate it and you. :) I'm getting better at review responses, woohoo!_

It's Friday somewhere, even if its imaginary.

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ you're forced to hang out with your boyfriend's best friend.

Ch. 23: _I'm a Sucker For That_

My legs are sore as fuck so my thighs feel solid as stones when I walk to my car after practice. I keep my exercise clothes on and cover them with thin cotton yoga pants and my cheer warm-up jacket. I just hope Royce doesn't comment on it, or I'll break his face.

I worked the squad _hard _today. During that time, Jessica maintained her pose without falter, I have to give it her. I probably would have caved and said _fuck you_ five minutes in. She held on for fifteen minutes before I broke down and cut her off with a warning to watch herself around me. I then changed the lineup of the entire squad and switched up flyers with their bases.

That did _not _go over well. Some flyers—like Kate, Chelsea, and Irina—are comfortable with the guys they were already paired with. Which is exactly my point, they're too comfortable; they look sloppy. I need perfection if we're going to win at Nationals.

"Bella!" someone calls out for me, followed by fast approaching footsteps.

It's Kate. I have to remind myself that I like her, that she's never done anything cruel to anyone. At least not to my knowledge. I have to lean against the bumper of my car in order to stay upright while waiting for her to catch up with me. I really just want to go home and take a hot bath, followed by falling asleep in Edward's arms. I'm a total cornball.

"Hey." I nod my head as a greeting to Kate's heart-shaped, freckled face.

Her cheeks are still flushed from practice and sweat has pasted her auburn bangs to her forehead. Instinctively, I run my hands down my ponytail to smooth down any flyaway hairs. When I'm in Forks, I'm still cautious about appearances. Are my clothes right? Is my hair messed up? Old habits die hard. The stubborn little fucks.

"Hey." Kate smiles back at me. "So, I wanted to talk to you."

I fight not to roll my eyes. "Look, Kate. I like you, but I'm not going to do you any special favors just because we're friends. I have an obligation to this team, and to Rosalie, to make sure we place in the top three at Nationals. I know you and Chang have been paired since you started, but honestly, you're too comfortable together. You both let little things slide, and even though it may seem like nothing to you, I can guarantee the judges will knock off points."

She fidgets where she stands with her hands locked together behind her back. "That's fine," she replies evenly, "but it's not what I was going to ask you."

I start in surprise. "Oh." I feel like a total idiot now. Foot? Meet mouth.

"Yeah." She chews her lip nervously—something I can definitely relate to. "Actually, I was just coming to ask you if you were going to do anything this weekend? Peter and I were going to double with Brittany and Chang, do you want to come?"

Gaping in pure shock, I pick my jaw up off the floor and mentally check my wide-open calendar. No way will Edward agree to this. He doesn't even want to have dinner with my dad, let alone four strangers. Then again, Kate's boyfriend, Peter, is a bit of a stoner. I'm sure they've crossed paths before.

"Umm…" I hesitate to say yes, but a part of me really _wants_ to go. I want to do regular couple things with Edward. I want to go to the movies and make out, or hide into his shoulder during the parts that I don't want to see.

I really wish Dad hadn't picked this weekend to have dinner. The triple date would have been the perfect warm up for Edward and me as a couple. As it is, I don't want to overwhelm him.

"Can I take a rain check?" I ask, feeling guilty. "I'm not blowing you off," I'm quick to add. "It's just that Edward is going to meet my dad for dinner this weekend. I don't know if he'll be up for another one just yet. He's a really private person," I explain.

Her head nods in complete understanding. "Yeah, Peter freaked out when he met my parents for the first time. Just hold Cullen's hand under the table or something, keep physical contact. It's the only way I got Peter not to bolt out the door when my dad started in on him." She giggles into a hand. "He looked so cute stuttering and wiping his sweaty palms on his knees. My parents totally love him. You'll be fine." She waves my concern away like it's nothing.

Like it's _normal_ to feel like the world is going to end on Saturday evening. I don't think she quite grasps how different our situations are. For one, she's Kate and I'm Bella. She's cool and I'm neurotic. Another is that Peter is on the football team, gets good grades, and is as squeaky clean as Jasper is. Edward, on the other hand…

My phone start to ring and both Kate and I jump at the sound then laugh at each other. When I glance down at the screen, I see that it's Royce, and my face must change drastically because Kate immediately excuses herself and tells me to have a good weekend. I wave absently at her as I bring the phone up to my ear to answer.

"Hello?" I sigh in exhaustion.

"Are you coming or not?" he snaps, frustrated. "I've been sitting here for a whole fucking hour, and the kids are starving. I could have gone to—"

"Chill," I interrupt him as a mother would a disobedient child, "I'll take care of it. I'm on my way. Almost there, stay put."

He grumbles something I can't make out and then he ends the call swiftly without a goodbye. Jackass. I don't even know why I'm doing this anymore. The Belly Bean is way better off without Royce. If given the choice, ninety-nine point nine percent of the world's population would choose Emmett over Royce any day of the week.

I text Rose to ask her to cover for me—in case my dad OR Edward call looking for me—and go on my merry way. Well, maybe not merry. Ugh.

Kill me now.

-x-

"You again." The door opens to a smart mouth Samuel Adams King.

I shove a large bag of McDonald's through the crack in the door. "Me again." I smirk at him.

His eyes open wide, big ice blue marbles, and he steps back to allow me into the house. When I walk inside, everything looks exactly the same as before, right down to the other two kids sitting in front of the TV, completely enthralled by a Harry Potter movie. The littlest one, who I remember as Bailey, even has her mouth slightly agape as she stares at the screen. I snort behind a hand and the sound snaps her head in my direction.

Holy shit, she's the Exorcist.

I start to back away slowly—yes, because I'm afraid of a five-year-old—and she watches me like a hawk. I swear on everything I am so out of here if her head starts to twist around. Sam calls out to them from the kitchen, and at the word _McDonald's,_ both children are up and running out of the room. I take this time to hightail my ass down the hall and right into Royce's room.

I don't bother to knock first; I barge in.

"The fuck, Bella?" Royce snaps at me from where he lies on his bed.

I sigh deeply to prepare myself. This is not going to be easy, like, _at all_. I approach his bed slowly, my hands up at my sides to show him I mean no harm. His eyes are watchful, much like Bailey's—only I don't feel like I'm going to piss myself when he does it. He's curled up onto his left side, leaving his right side—the side I know is inured severely—open for my inspection.

"Lift your shirt," I instruct him.

He snorts into his pillow, an act that makes him cringe in pain, and ignores me. I hate where this is going, because it's going in the direction where I'm going to purposely touch him. I don't want to, not if I don't have to. So, why won't he lift his own damn shirt?

"Damn it, Royce! Lift your damn shirt so I can see your bruises." I stomp my foot onto the thin carpeting, it makes a loud sound as if it was hardwood. He flinches in surprise and I feel my cheeks blush.

"I agreed to let you come here so we could talk, not so you could play doctor with me." He tries to turn over onto his back, but he starts to cough and wheeze, which makes his entire face scrunch up in agony.

I set one knee down onto the mattress and reach over to pull his dark blue t-shirt up over his ribs. What I see makes me gasp behind a hand in alarm. "Oh, my God, Royce. You have to go to the hospital." I shake my head in disbelief.

His right side is covered in bruises that vary in color from dark purple to blue, green to yellow. I have never seen so many colors hidden beneath one person's skin before. His face is a mask of ache, and with quick, short breaths, he breathes heavily through his nose. His jaw is set tight, clenching and grinding his teeth with his eyes clamped shut.

And just like that, Mother Bella kicks in.

The next thing I know, I'm calling Seth. Yes, _Seth_. Seth Clearwater. The very same. I'm calling him, and he's answering, and he's way too excited to hear my voice.

"Hey, Bella! What's up? So, I see you saved my number into your phone. Cool, cool." He is the epitome of a nervous teenager who is not accustomed to talking to girls on the phone. I don't ask him how he knew it was me calling, because then I might have to mentally tag him with the word _stalker_.

"Hey, Seth," I make my voice sound low and flirty, "I need a favor."

"Anything," is his immediate response.

I smirk to myself. He's going to regret saying that…

Soon after our call ends, I'm rushing back into Royce's room when I hear a loud crash, followed shortly by him shouting, "_Shit!_"

Skidding to a stop in front of his door—which is a total feat in itself because it's near impossible to skid to a stop on _carpet_—I slap a hand to my chest and take a frantic look around his room. He's not on his bed, the sheets are rumpled, and his lamp is in two pieces on the floor. The bulb, however, is not cracked and it casts an eerie glow on the floor beside Royce's bed.

"Royce?" I call out and take one shaky step inside his room.

A hand clamps down onto the mattress from the other side of the bed and I scream in fright. Then I blush, because how embarrassing is it that I was scared of Royce heaving himself up onto his bed in his own room? He grunts, and shifts, and breathes heavily through his nose in a frenzied attempt to not roll back off the bed. My feet finally learn how to work again and I hurry over to his side to help him sit up in bed.

"Are you ready to go to the hospital now?" I huff in annoyance. He's so freaking stubborn!

"With what? I have no insurance, Bella," he sneers up at me angrily.

I cross my arms and sit at the corner of his bed. "Don't you have _some _money put away? I thought you guys were, like… loaded." I shrug. "At least that's the impression Edward gives me."

His grimace deepens. "Cullen and Jake don't have three other mouths to feed, sweetheart. Jake gets to save for college, and his dad pays for whatever else he needs. Cullen has his 'program' and a shit ton of money he makes off doubling his price when he hits up the rich kids in Forks."

I bit my lip in deep thought. "Well, maybe we can ask hi—"

"Fuck. That," Royce growls through gritted teeth. "I will sell a kidney before I borrow money from Cullen, or Jake for that matter," he adds when he sees my thoughts turn to Jacob. And then I contemplate offering what little I have saved and he roars, "Fuck off, Bella!"

"Well, you need it, Royce! You're seriously messed up, and if you miss any more school—"

"How do you know I haven't been to—" 

"Will you _stop _interrupting me?" I shout and smack a hand down onto the empty space between us on the bed. "Stop being so proud!"

"Stop feeling sorry for me!" he yells so loudly that he ends up clutching his side in pain.

My lips are set into a thin straight line as I struggle not to lash out at him. "If you don't to this, then I will tell Edward," I threaten him.

He chuckles with closed eyes. "No, you won't." Languidly, he reaches for a small tin box on his nightstand. I know what it is before he opens it and I snatch it away. "The fuck, Bella?" he snaps.

"You're going." I point at him.

"No." His brow tightens. "I'm not."

I scoot closer, and without warning, I poke a single finger into his ribcage until he's screaming in pain. "I'm not asking you." I shake my head at him. I open the tin box and pull out the small baggy of white powder. "And this? I'm flushing it." I stand and watch his eyes widen with horror.

"Don't you fucking dare!" He reaches for me to no avail.

I smirk and shake my head at him from his doorway. "No? Then, get up and come get it before it's too late," I challenge him with an arched brow, and I slowly make my way to the bathroom knowing full well he can barely breathe without feeling pain.

However, I take for granted the fact that Royce is a true addict. Because the instant I lift the lid of the toilet seat and pull the drugs out, Royce's hand darts out of fucking thin air to stop me from dropping it. Eyes blazing fire, nostrils flaring from the strain of breathing through the pain he feels in his side, he clutches my fingers tightly around the bag.

"Let go of me," I hiss at him and struggle to pull away.

He steps in closer, scaring the ever-loving hell out of me because his eyes are as black as Edward's before he snaps. "Do not," his words are spoken through the cracks of his clenched teeth, "fuck with me, _Bel-la_. I can be just as scary as Cullen when I want to be."

I gulp anxiously. "Edward wouldn't—"

"You think I give a fuck?" He presses his forehead to the side of my face. "I think you need to reconsider what you're about to do. I know him better than you do, sweetheart. I'm the only one who can go one-on-one with him and come out even."

I shudder but refuse to loosen my grip on his drugs.

"Rose…" I sink as low as I can in order to get beneath his skin. "She would never forgive you."

Only then does he take a deep breath to calm himself, but he continues to hold my fist with his. "Rosalie has made her choice. There is no changing it once it's made. She'll hide behind her money and her parents' shackles for the rest of her life because it's all she knows. Nothing I do or say will ever matter. If you want to try and scare me, then stick with Cullen, but even then, you'll have to be clever. Because I'm one of the only people on this fucking planet who is not afraid of him." His breath is hot and rapid against the side of my face and I shiver in disgust.

"Fine." I gulp slowly and release my hold on the bag between my fingers. When he finally pulls away from me, and our hands move to exchange ownership of the drugs, I pull a high, fast one and jerk away from him. "Fuck you," I snap, and my free hand slams against his bad side so hard he collapses like a house of cards onto the bathroom floor.

"Asshole," I hiss at him as I drop the bag into the toilet and pull the lever to flush it down. "Can't you see that I'm trying to help you? Or is your brain too fried to realize it?"

His hand unconsciously grabs my ankle and squeezes as he chokes and wheezing at my feet. I only feel a slight bit sorry for him. I question why I'm still here, why I still care. Laughter from the kitchen outside the door sends shivers up and down my spine. I don't think Royce knows just how important he is to so many people.

He grounds Edward, challenges Jacob, cares for his siblings, and would die for Rosalie. If he doesn't clean up his act now, he'll fall. And if he falls, who the fuck knows who he will take down with him. The very thought terrifies me, because if it's Edward, I don't know if I could survive that.

"Get up," I snap and jerk my foot from out his weak grasp. "Seth will be here any minute to watch your brothers and sister. I have five hundred saved, if we need more, I'll figure it out then. You _will _pay me back, and you _will _not argue with me. Or I swear to God, Royce, the next thing I hit will be your balls."

I slam the bathroom door shut behind me and head out into the living room to sit and wait for Seth.

-x-

If this were a show on the CW, I wouldn't have to worry about things like paperwork, money, or being seen by someone I know. But it's not, and I am, filling out paperwork, worrying about money, and nervously darting my gaze around the room every few minutes inside the Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles.

"What blood type are you?" I grumble in irritation after a while.

Hidden beneath dark sunglasses and a pulled down baseball cap, Royce groans out something that sounds like, "How should I fucking know?"

"Damn it, Royce!" I slam the clipboard down onto my lap, the movement causes him to flinch and scowl at me through his black shades. "You should be the one filling this crap out, not me. I am not your mother!"

He snorts. "Could have fooled me."

I narrow my gaze and drop the damn clipboard onto his lap. "Do it your damn self, then. I have to call Edward before he flips out and thinks I jumped off a bridge or something."

That wakes him up. He yanks his glasses down his nose and stares at me with wide, panicked eyes. "You're not going to tell him, right?"

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "No. But I really want to, so you better man up really soon, Royce. The longer we hide this, the worse it gets."

He nods and I exit through the clear glass doors. The first person I call is my dad to confirm that he remembers I'm "having dinner at Rosalie's house." Then I call Rose to confirm that she agrees to be my alibi, followed by listening to her gripe and moan about being pregnant—dear _Lord _has she become a major fucking whiner lately. Afterward, I make the most important and hardest call of the night.

Edward.

"Hey, where are you?" is the first thing out of his mouth as soon as he answers the phone.

My ears heat up, as does the rush of blood rising up into my head. I hate lying to him. I hate it so much that I start to feel my eyes well up. "Um," I clear my throat, "I'm at Rosalie's. W-where are you?" I wipe frantically at my eyes with the back of my sleeve.

"With Carlisle. He ended up swinging by and wanted to hang out. Hope you don't mind. I mean, I know you don't, but I know I said I'd come over later and…" His words trail off as my eyes widen in sheer shock.

He sounds so… normal. So young and full of innocence. The way a son would feel about hanging out with his dad, or a younger brother hanging out with his older brother. It only makes my throat tighten further and my eyes sting painfully. He sounds happy.

"We're at Alice and Esme's about to have dinner. Thank God Esme is the one cooking," he snorts. "I swear, Alice makes you look like Chef Boyardee in the kitchen." He snickers lightheartedly.

"_I heard that, you jackass!" _Alice is heard shouting out in the background.

That sobers me up like a slap in the face. But before I can respond, an intercom over my head spits out a code orange and pages for Dr. Sylva. I tense up and hold my breath, waiting for Edward to explode.

"What was that?" he asks suspiciously.

"That? Oh, that was… Oh, it's just… Rose and I are watching… _House!_" I screech into the phone. "We're watching House, MD. You know I can't resist that sexy beast of a man, Hugh Laurie."

"Oh." He sounds only half-convinced.

I change the subject quickly. "So…" I lick my lips and peek inside to see if Royce has been called in yet. No luck. "So, don't forget this Friday, Edward. That's two days from now."

"What about it?" he replies, distracted.

I almost ask him what he's doing, but I don't want to know if it has anything to do with Alice. I rub a hand over my tired eyes and roll my head back to feel the cold air on my skin.

"Dinner with my dad?" I remind him.

Silence.

"_You fucking cheater! Carlisle! Do not let her pass Go! She snuck out of jail without paying that stupid tax shit! No you didn't, _Mary Alice!_" _Edward shouts jovially at whomever I assume is playing what sounds like Monopoly with him.

I'm so fucking happy that, while I'm here waiting at the hospital with _his _loser best friend, he is at that bitch Alice's house having fun. Laughing and acting like someone I don't even fucking know right now. Who the hell _is _he?

"Edward?" I say his name for his attention.

"Yeah? Oh, I'm sorry, baby," he coos into the receiver. "I'm playing this shit game of Monopoly with a bunch of _cheaters_," he calls out more to them than to me.

I ball up a fistful of the bottom of my jacket in annoyance. "Please don't forget, Edward," I beg him.

"Forget what?"

He chuckles at something Carlisle says.

I feel an irrational anger toward everyone in that apartment who is taking Edward's focus away from me. Especially since I am asking him something seriously fucking important right now. At least, _I _think it's pretty important. Meeting my dad _is _important… right?

"Dinner," I finally manage to croak out, "with my dad?"

Laughter on his end. I can hear who I assume to be Carlisle teasing someone about their inability to play banker without charging everyone ten percent every transaction. I don't know who he is talking to, I don't even care, all I know is that it feels as if Edward is purposely ignoring my question.

"Edward!" I literally scream into my phone. "Are you coming on Saturday or not?"

He curses under his breath and then snaps, "Yes, Bella. Geez, chill the fuck out already."

Alice calls for Edward and tells him to stop talking and play the game. The sound of dice rolling across a board makes me curl my fists tight. "You know what, Edward?" I reply eerily calm.

"What, Bella?" he sighs in defeat. "_What?_"

I don't know why it hurts my feelings so much. I could not care less that he's playing childhood board games with people I don't know—and one I don't even like—but I don't like feeling as if I'm getting the brush off. Not from him. Not from Edward.

I gulp and say, "Nothing." And then I hang up.

-x-

I'm curious to know what the hell possessed me to think that Royce would be in and out before dinnertime. It's nearing my curfew and I don't know if I can convince my dad to let me stay out longer. Also, when I asked the nurse at the reception desk to give me a rough estimate of what we're looking to pay out-of-pocket, I nearly fainted.

Without insurance for the visit, consultation, treatment, and meds, we are looking at over a thousand dollars or more if he needs X-rays—which it's almost certain that he will. I had to practically jab him in the ribs just to get his ass to sit back down after that. He's insistent that he's fine and that he does not need my help or my money. I told him to bite me, so now he's pouting in the corner of the room next to the television. He's such a freaking baby.

I only have five hundred saved, and I need to come up with another five hundred, just to be safe. I wish, more than anything, I could call Edward, but Royce is adamant that I not involve Edward yet. Not Jake either, because apparently, Jake is almost worse than Alice and will run to Edward and tell him everything. I hate that Royce chose me out of everyone to not run back to Edward.

What does that mean about me?

"I have to pee." Royce speaks his first word in nearly twenty minutes of sulking silence.

"So, go." I shrug my shoulders without looking away from Entertainment Tonight on the flat screen above our heads.

"I… _neepyoelp…_" he mumbles.

Slowly, I turn my head in his direction. "What?" I grimace at him in confusion. "Was that even English?"

His jaw muscles flex. He grinds his teeth just like Edward does when I'm being especially annoying. Oh, joy. Good to know this is no picnic for Royce either. The jackass.

"_Ineepyoelp_," he mumbles yet again, and just like before, I have no fucking idea what he's trying to tell me.

"Royce." I push up to sit straight in my chair as I glare over at him. "What the fuck are you mumbling about? I can't hear a damn word you're—"

"I need your fucking help, okay?" he barks out with cheeks flushed from embarrassment. "I can't get out of the chair by myself right now."

I roll my eyes and get up. "Come on." I reach out and allow him to grasp my shoulders as I slip my fingers through his belt loops and pull. He groans from deep in the back of his throat and sweat breaks out across his forehead.

"Fuck," he exhales a long held breath down my back and clutches at me like a lifesaver. "Goddamn it, I hate this."

I help him limp over to the restroom, but before he goes inside, we pause. "I'm not gonna have to go in there and hold your dick for you, too, right?"

"Ha. Ha." He makes a face. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here." I hold my hands out as if to present myself.

A minute after he closes the door behind himself it hits me how stupid I am, and then I'm wrenching the door open.

"Shit—fuck!" Royce lets out a startled shriek, and I would laugh if I wasn't so focused on the fact that I just caught an accidental glimpse of mini-Roy… who isn't so mini after all.

OH MY GOD!

"Oh, my God!" I cry into my hands that slap over my eyes.

"What the hell are you doing in here? I almost pissed all over myself!" he shouts at me angrily.

I peek through my fingers to see that he's covered himself and buckled his pants again. "I'm sorry." I cringe and drop my hands. "But I had to make sure you weren't… that you didn't…" I bite my lip.

"What?" he asks me, confused.

I breathe through my nose, and with closed eyes, I tilt my head back and count to ten. He takes this time to wash his hands. I start to pray to the heavens above that what I'm about to ask will be answered with a resounding _no_.

"I was worried you were going to snort coke up your nose right now, okay?" I glance back at him, feeling somewhat shameful for accusing him.

He blinks at me. "Excuse me?"

I gulp. "Well? Were you?"

"No," he says, but the instant it's out his mouth, I know it's a lie.

"No?" I challenge him.

"_No_," he growls.

I step forward and start to pat him down like my dad would if he were here. His jacket pockets are clear, but when I reach for the front pockets of his jeans, he grabs my wrists to stop me. "Whoa! Okay, sweetheart, that's enough. I don't think Cullen would appreciate his girlfriend all over my jock."

Idiot. "It's in there, isn't it?" I scoff at him, completely ignoring his snide comment. "Give it to me."

"Fuck off." He scowls.

"Give it to me, or I will leave your ass here and go find Edward!" I really will. If he continues to push me like he is, I will crack. Like a fucking egg.

"That's none of your business!" he yells. "Why do you care? It has _nothing _to do with you. Why are you even _here _with me right now? Why? _WHY?_"

I flinch at the tone of his voice and shrink back a step. "Because," I gulp, "Edward would want me to."

"Oh, bullshit." His grimace deepens. "What's the _real_ reason, Bella? You going to use this against me when Rose throws child custody papers at me? Is that your plan? Fine! Good!" He starts to charge forward step by step. "You think I don't know that she has some rich boy prick claiming _my _child? Or that I don't know to keep my damn mouth shut and let them live that lie? Or that I don't know that _my _kid will be better off with someone _else _as their father? Huh?"

My back hits the door with his blazing eyes boring heatedly into mine. "Answer me, _Bella_."

"No. I didn't know you knew all of that." I clear my throat and fight to keep a strong voice. "Now, get out of my face."

A miracle is granted, and he does. He takes two steps away, and then he's digging into his pocket to give me a small silver vial I know is filled with coke.

"Is this your last one?" I ask him, watching every move his eyes, his mouth, his body makes for a tell, to see if he's going to lie to me again. It's what addicts do; they lie.

I did a report on addicts once in a health class my sophomore year. I got a B+ and I cried until it was changed to the A that it deserved, because it _did _deserve an A. The only reason I was marked down was because I went over her ten-page limit rule. However, my dad and principal Greene didn't see it that way. That was one of the first signs of my changing attitude. I think my dad caught it, but he didn't say anything. I wonder what I would be like today if he'd done something about it, if he'd sat me down and asked what was on my mind when I purposely wrote over the ten-page limit.

I don't think Royce has ever had anyone challenge his attitude, or the things he does, or who he is. Of all these thoughts running through my head, I still go back to the fact that I _want _to help him. I want him to stop doing drugs. I want him to stop being an ass. I want so many things for him, and yet there is a little voice in the back of my head asking… wondering…

Is this _really _all for Royce? Or is it because I know I can't change Edward? Royce is easily manipulated. I see that now. Rosalie wouldn't have gone after him if he wasn't, and it's probably the reason she's allowed Emmett to step in. I start to feel sorry for him as we stand here staring at each other. More so by the pathetic look in his eyes begging me to care. I don't think Royce has ever had someone, a girl, woman, _female_, give a shit before.

"Yes." He bows his head as he answers my question. "But I can't promise that I won't find a way to get more."

"That's fair." I nod my head.

He sighs and runs a hand over his face. "Why are you here, Bella?" he asks again.

"I don't…" I shrug in puzzlement. "I don't know."

"But you're staying." He says this rather than asks it. Not because it's what he wants, but because it's what he knows is going to happen.

I really wish I was sharing a blunt with Edward right now.

"Yeah," I tell Royce, "I'm staying."

-x-

Begging Rosalie to lie for me used to be so easy, because I only asked her like three times a year. Now, it's more like three times a day. But my dad shoots down every excuse I try to spit out. No, I can't stay later with Rosalie. No, I can't stay the night with Rosalie on a school night. No, I can't stay just until our movie is over. So, I have to pull out the big guns.

I had to get Rose to cry.

I feel bad about it now, but it was necessary. Really, I'm serious. Dad wanted me home by eight, and it's eight, so I had no choice. I _had _to make Rosalie watch the beginning of Bambi so that she would cry. I needed to her to cry on one line, so I could call my dad on a third line, so that when he heard Rosalie crying softly, he would think she was in the background, all while I begged my dad to let me stay the night. It sounds way more complicated than it actually was.

Bottom line, Dad said I could stay the night with Rose with the promise that I not miss school the next day. Which means I can sit in this hard cushioned chair for another five hours or so and watch a Kardashian marathon. Good Lord, does _everyone _in that family have a reality show?

My phone lights up with yet another apologetic text message from Edward. I sigh and close out, not having responded to the last three after telling him to go fuck himself. He called after my first crude message and I ignored it. Then he texted and I deleted it. Then he texted a threat to call Rosalie in order to get me to talk to him and I answered his next call. But only to tell him that I was coming over later and for him to think up something damn good to get back into my good graces.

But now the texts keep coming. He thinks I'm lying and that I'm not really going over to his apartment later on tonight. He asks why I'm going over there, what happened? Then he texts that if I'm coming over to yell at him for hanging out with Alice that I should save my gas. I finally send him a message back that says: _STFU and leave me alone until I'm at your door. I'm with Rose._ To which he responded: **Don't tell me to STFU. **Followed shortly by a second text of: **Use your key**.

It's the only thing getting me through this endless bout of silence between Royce and myself as we sit in the waiting room: The thought of ending this shitty day in my boyfriend's arms. I don't even care that he was a total dick on the phone earlier. Since when _isn't _he at least eighty percent dick? Wow, that sounded so weird. And why are there so many effing people here? None of them seem to be curled against the side of their chairs in pain, like Royce is.

"Have you taken anything?" I move to a seat closer Royce. He raises his eyebrow at me sarcastically and I roll my eyes. "That doesn't count," I say, speaking about his drugs. "You know what I mean."

"No," he shakes his head, "I haven't taken anything. I was using…" He doesn't finish his sentence, but I know what he means.

"I'm going to go ask again how much longer—"

"Royce King?" a male nurse calls out from the double, heavy wooden doors at the back of the room.

"_Fucking finally_," I curse under my breath and help Royce up into a standing position. His groan is louder than any of the other ones I've heard before and it shakes me to my core. What if it's more serious than we thought? How the fuck will we pay for all of this?

What I hate most about hospitals is the waiting. Not only do you wait for-fucking-ever to get called inside, but once called, you end up having to wait even _more_. The nurse who brought us into the small, curtained area asks simple questions that I was pretty sure were already answered on the paperwork we had to fill out. But they're asked all over again as I sit in the corner of the little room and watch Royce get his vitals checked while attempting to look like he's not in agony. When the nurse, Jeff, lifts Royce's shirt to check on the bruising, even he winces at Royce's injuries.

"Cause of injury says car wreck…" Jeff's light brow wrinkles. "However, I don't see how this sort of injury is possible based on the placement—"

"Fuck! You mind, bro?" Royce snaps out angrily when Jeff added too much pressure to his chest area. I'm on my feet instantly and placing what I hope to be a calming hand onto his shoulder. He only relaxes minimally, but I'll take what I can get. We don't need a scene.

Jeff's thin form leaves the room and says a doctor will be here shortly with some more questions, but first for Royce to prepare for X-rays. When I babble about costs, I'm handed a pamphlet about monthly billing and interest rates and shit I don't know anything about. I don't know what I'm doing here. What the hell was I thinking? Who the hell do I think I am? His mother? His legal guardian? What the fuck, Bella?

"Do we need to have his mom sign anything?" I stop Jeff on his way out and ask.

"No, I don't see why that would be necessary. Technically, Royce is now a legal adult, so you can try to apply for one of those billing plans on your own." Jeff shrugs and then tells me if I have any questions to ask someone named Barbara at the front desk.

Funny thing, I don't know where the fuck the front desk really is. The front of the waiting room? The front of the emergency room? The front of the hospital itself? I want to go home. I want to turn around and pretend this never happened. Why did I have it in my head that this would be so much simpler than it actually is?

"You're ready to bolt, aren't you?" Royce chuckles.

I put on a strong face and turn to help him pull his shirt off so that he can fit the hospital gown on. This is so damn embarrassing. And I know Royce is beyond humiliated himself since he's the one who literally needs my help stripping down to his underwear and tying the thin piece of material around him. There is a tightness in my chest that is starting to swell up to the point of choking me.

"No, I'm fine." My first real lie of the day to him. "But we'll keep this part to ourselves when we finally get around to telling Edward about everything," I reply as I fold his jeans neatly and place his folded shirt on top.

This is one topic we both agree on without any argument whatsoever.

Then, it's quiet again. Well, it's quiet between Royce and me. Everywhere else, it's a blur of activity with lots of beeps and gasps and whimpers and irritated voices explaining uncomfortable symptoms. Somewhere, a baby cries, someone is sneezing, and there is a constant onslaught of humming from some monitors, and steady beeps from others.

"Why aren't you asking me about Cullen?" Royce blurts out of nowhere. "I would have thought I'd have gotten the Spanish Inquisition by now." He smirks.

I pull his clothes into my lap and sit down on the stool I was seated in earlier. "I've been otherwise occupied." I eye him accusingly.

"Bull," he snorts. "You just don't know which questions to ask. I'm a vault of information, dollface. Give me a whirl."

"I can see those painkillers are kicking in." I cross my arms and lean against the wall at my back. He nods with bleary eyes, and for the hundredth time today, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. "Okay," I start, "what is the deal with the playground by your house? How is it that Edward knew who I was before I ever knew him? Did I _really _trample him by the swings? Why do I feel like there is this huge secret that I don't know about? A secret that revolves around me as a child and _that _playground?"

Royce snickers and blinks down at me a few times. "Wow, no need to pace yourself there, sweetheart, because my brain is only currently sixty percent fuzzy at the moment."

I'm not amused.

"Look," he sighs sleepily. "I've known Cullen since we were six and we fought over the same toy in kindergarten. A fight that ended with my shirt being ripped and his massive, crazy hair being pulled free from that gelatin dome his mother trapped it in." He grimaces at the memory. "He was such a fucking _nerd_, Bella. He stuck out. He _always _stuck out. His eyes were a wild green color, his freckles were light, but they covered half his face, and his hair…" He shakes his head with a small laugh. "I don't know which is funnier. And the fact that when it wasn't combed back and gelled into a hard shell, it was sticking up all over the place like flames in a fireplace."

I scoot my chair closer to the bed so that I can rest my arm onto the mattress. "Did he get made fun of?"

"Fuck. Yes." Royce's amused face turns a bit more serious. "It wasn't just all that shit, though, his mom was batshit crazy. She dressed him in the fucking gayest outfits on the planet. I remember one day he came dressed as a sailor… and the little fucker was _excited _about it."

I cover my mouth with my hands and laugh. "He was not."

"Yes," Royce assures me, "he was. He was the biggest mama's boy I've ever met. And he cried like a little bitch almost every day when his mom would drop him off. I don't really remember how or why, but one day, I just started hanging out with him. I mean, at first I was still kinda pissed about my ripped shirt, but I eventually got over it—obviously." He looks to me with a small grin.

I smirk back at him.

"He lived in the same neighborhood as me, he even had a trailer like ours. We hung out sometimes outside school, but not all the time. His parents were too strict to let him stay out too late. I was a badass kid in elementary school. I talked back, I broke shit for no reason, and I'd start fights with anyone who would pick on Cullen… On _Masen_," he clarifies, and then his eyes lock with mine.

I blanch, confused. "Masen?"

Why does that name hit a nerve in me?

"Edward Anthony Masen." Royce sighs and lightly runs his hand up and down his wounded side. "There were two Edwards in our grade, so sometimes the teachers would call them by their last names. Masen stuck because it sounded like a first name. Then, everyone just started calling him that. Okay, so let me go back and say that the teasing was only in kindergarten. Because when we started first grade, I guess someone convinced his mom to grow a brain and stop dressing her kid like a little doll."

I'm amazed and hanging onto every bit of information Royce is feeding me. This is _not _who I imagined Edward to be. Not at all.

"Anyway," he continues, "shit was fine once he stopped dressing like a loser. We were best friends, or whatever. I mean, we weren't fucking girls about it, though, but everyone knew not to mess with us unless you wanted to deal with _both _of us. Masen…" He grimaces. "Fuck, it feels weird to call him that again." He pauses.

"So, just call him Edward?" I shrug.

His eyes flash to mine. "That's even weirder."

I frown. "Why?"

"One story at a time, dollface. I'll stick with Cullen." He exhales slowly, as if to test out his pain level in his chest. "Basically, the summer before second grade… you happened."

I'm struck dumb. "Excuse me?"

"We usually snuck off to play in the field behind our park, but sometimes his mom would be in one of her 'moods' and she didn't want him out of her sight. So, the farthest we could go was to the playground. That was the summer you and Jake started to play there. Jake went to school on the Res for all of elementary, so we didn't know who he was at the time. I didn't really care, I just wanted to set shit on fire, or pretend the playground was a pirate ship." He chuckles softly to himself.

That's actually kinda funny, but I'm too enthralled by his story to laugh.

"Well, Cullen had other plans. From the first day he saw _you? _He was done. I mean, you were the Wendy Peffercorn to his Michael "Squints" Palledorous. You feel me?" He wiggles his eyebrows and I shake my head at him. "He swore for the longest time that he didn't _like _you, but he would trip all over himself staring at you while doing whatever the hell he was doing. Going down a slide was difficult, for fuck's sake, because he'd twist his neck around if it meant not losing a chance to watch you. The little perv."

My eyes roll at his comments and I rest my chin in my hands on the top of the bed. "Okay, so he had a crush on me. Not life-altering."

"A crush? He held a fucking torch for you, Bella. You were the absolute most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. I'm pretty fucking sure he even said you were prettier than his mom once—and his mom was a fucking _fox_, okay?" he snorts.

I wrinkle my nose. "Ew."

Royce shrugs in his devil-may-care way. "You know how I said he was a mama's boy?" he asks me.

I nod.

"Well…" He looks down at his hands in his lap. "I don't know what being a mama's boy feels like, per se—obviously, considering who _my _mother is—but it was pretty obvious that she thought the sun shined out his ass, too. His dad was _always _away at work. Wherever the fuck that was, I don't remember, and I don't care. Because when he _was _home? Cullen didn't come outside so much, and if he did, he acted really fucking weird."

"Why?" I ask without realizing I said it out loud.

I watch his face change into something darker. "You need to hear that part from Cullen, I can't go into details, because I know he didn't tell me everything. Bottom line, he beat the shit out of Cullen, and I think he hit his mom, too. That's when his mom started losing her marbles, in my opinion. She used to be normal, I guess, if you wanna call it that. She was weird, but it was normal compared to the shit she did when we started second grade. He'd come in late, or leave early, or he wouldn't come to school at all. When I asked, he just said he was just hanging out with his mom."

I start to nibble my lips.

"Then, one day he comes to school with a cracked lip and all his hair buzzed off. I almost didn't even recognize him. He never told me what happened and I didn't push, because whatever it was, it was bad. Not too long after, his mom was gone and shit went downhill from there. Needless to say that he was never the same, and over time, he just got worse. Then, school was out and it was summer, and I thought it was gonna be the shit, cuz his dad was hardly ever home and my mom didn't care where I went. I wanted to go anywhere and everywhere my bike would take me, but Cullen moped almost the entire time. It makes sense, though. His mom had just bailed, why would everything be okay just because school was out, right?" he says this more to himself than to me.

"Cullen's always been a quiet person. He never talked too much, not even to me. Which was fine because my head was always somewhere else—I probably talked enough for the both of us—but he got really fucking quiet that summer. Like, he closed down or something, and it annoyed the hell out of me because I wanted to play and get into trouble and shit like that. I had to pull him outside his house sometimes." Royce's grimace is deep with hurt, but not the physical kind.

I press a hand to my chest, as if I feel that sad emotion, too.

"Then, one day we're walking through the playground, because I had finally convinced him to go down to the beach with me, and all of a sudden… Cullen gets trampled." Royce rolls his head to look at me with a special twinkle in his eyes. "And not by some random-ass kid—who I was ready to punch had it been a boy—but by _you_."

"Me?" I gulp.

Royce nods. "You know you actually knocked his lights out for a bit? At least, that's what he told me later on. Oh, and, sweetheart? You were _not _Little Miss Helpful like you _think _you were. You want to know what you said to him when he finally came to?"

I slightly tip my chin in a yes; I can't speak a word. I'm riveted.

"You said, 'Oh, my bad. You were in my way.'" He holds his side as he laughs harder than I know he intended to. "So. Fucking. Priceless. His mouth fell open in shock when he saw that it was _you_—_Oh, Wendy Peffercorn, my darling lover girl, oh!_" he quotes straight from the movie _The Sandlot_.

God, that's a classic.

"No," I laugh, "no way. Nuh uh, I did not. I remember knocking someone down and then trying to help them up."

"Whatever you say, dollface. But that's not what happened. It was _Jake _who apologized for you and helped Cullen up." His brow arches haughtily.

"And that's it?" I push back from the bed. "_That's _why Edward is so into me?"

"It's part of it," he agrees, "but it's not _all _of it."

"Then what's _all _of it?" I tilt my head curiously. "Come on, Roy, you can't stop now." I nudge him playfully.

But before he can answer, the curtain in front of us slides open and Jeff pokes his head inside with the hugest shit-eating grin imaginable. "Guess what I just did?" he singsongs and then walks inside our little chamber of secrets.

We wait for Jeff to explain himself. He sets his hands onto his blue scrub covered hips and addresses both Royce and myself when he speaks. "You're my last case before I get to take off early for the day, so I'd like to get this done as soon as possible. So, I got you into X-ray sooner rather than later."

We both blink up at him, still confused.

"So, move your ass!"Jeff steps outside the curtain to pull back in a wheelchair for Royce. "You can go with him if you want," he says to me.

I bite my lip and look at Royce, who rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me as if to say 'I don't need you to hold my hand.' I beg to differ, but whatever. He does, however, allow me to help him into the chair, and then Jeff rolls him on out of the room with a promise to bring him back in one piece. Lord, if he only knew the irony of that statement.

The first thing I do when I'm finally by myself is call Edward.

"Fuck, baby, where hell are you? It's almost eleven." He sounds needy, and that's how I like him. It makes me feel wanted. It makes me feel… loved? No, too strong a word. I don't know. But I like it.

"Just another hour, I think." I _hope_ is more like it.

"I'm sorry, Bella. About earlier, I know how important this thing with your dad is. I'll be there, I promise." He pleads with me as if I'm still holding something over his head.

Which I'm not. "I'm not mad about that anymore," I tell him truthfully, "it's just been a really long freaking day. I don't want to fight with you, or argue with you, or be mad or anything. I just want…" I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

"What do you want?" he asks quietly. "Tell me, and I'll give it to you. What do you want, baby?"

_From the first day he saw you? He was done. I mean, you were the Wendy Peffercorn to his Michael "Squints" Palledorous. You feel me?_

I sigh and lie my head down gently onto the mattress in front of me. With closed eyes, and a small smile on my face, I reply, "You. I just want you, Edward."

"You already have me, Bella. You always have," he whispers, and I swear to god, I think he adds…

"_And you always will_."

-x-

_You're a little bit damaged, I'm a sucker for that_

_Wanna take you in my hands, wanna bring you back _

_You're a little bit damaged, I'm a sucker for that_

_Wanna fill up the spaces, and be everything you lack_

_I'm the picture that's faded, I'm the love you don't trust_

_Take the girl out from under glass and she'll always want too much_

_I know you're just broken_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Broken __by __Lauren Hoffman_.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teasers for this fic, you might want to check out my twitter.

TK's FIC REC: _A Thousand Leaves __by __BellaSunshine __(Summary: Isabella Swan grew up as the best friend of Alice Cullen, younger sister of Edward Cullen, who was never nice to Bella despite her being an "honorary Cullen." Everything changes when Edward is sent to prison for the murder of Bella's mother. AU-Human. Complete.)_

**NEXT WEEK'S UPDATE**

Due to the Holiday, there will be no update next week.

However, if possible, I will try to post teasers on my Twitter or Tumblr. I am hoping to catch up on my writing so that I'm not forcing a chapter out in two days like I've been doing. I'm not happy, nor am I comfortable, with doing that. I'm sorry if that upsets some of you, but I would rather post late or not at all if it means keeping up with the integrity of the story so far.

**P.S. who saw Breaking Dawn Part 1? **

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG LOOOOOVED IT! I can't even begin to think about picking a favorite part because I loved all of it. ALL OF IT! Also, I cried like four to six times during that movie. I'm such a sap.

**HAPPY THANKSGIVING!**


	24. Above and Below

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I wouldn't have to worry about Rob & Kristen's bodyguards hauling me away when I wanna hang out.

SHOUT OUTS—**_Jess: _**_ILY. __**DarlingSaila**__: __My Christmas miracle! Thank you for everything you do! You're a vital part of this story__. **EVERYONE:** very apologetic note at the end of the chapter. ILY all!_

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ you're at the dinner table with your dad waiting for your boyfriend.

Ch. 24: _Above and Below_

Harsh whispering and pointed glances assault me as I make my way down the hall at school toward my locker. The looks on the faces of everyone around me vary from excited to anxious, and it's unnerving. I don't quite understand why it is that I'm suddenly the center of attention. Two years ago this would have excited me to no end. But now? I just want everyone to mind their own business. Or at least tell me what the hell is going on. Either one will do.

The "talk" around me breeds and spreads like a virus, soft spoken words mumbled over and over until they're nearly inaudible. From the fast-moving lips of a sophomore on my right, I hear something that drains the blood from my face. That had to be a lie, there is just no way it could be true.

With sweaty palms and shaky knees, I halt in the middle of the hall. I gulp and fight not to turn around and run in the opposite direction—if I were smart it's what I'd do. Yet I'm frozen. When my nervous system decides to restart, it moves me onward to where my locker is located. The whispers now rise into an almost deafening roar. My chest tightens with fear and I can barely breathe…

_Cullen's here. _

People part as I step forward, and there he is… leaning against my locker with crossed arms over a black leather jacket, dark blue jeans, and black Timberlands. He looks sexy as all hell, but that's only until you look him in the eyes. Until _**I**_ look him in the eyes.

I gulp. "W-what are you doing here?"

I tremble and watch him simmer before me like a pot of boiling water—like angry bubbles that are ready to rise to the surface to pop and snap. I'm afraid for that part, because I'm the one he's going to snap at. I knew it the second I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing here. The bell overhead rings and some people start to scatter, but some people pretend to be lost inside their lockers, clearly hoping to get a few more minutes of the show starring Edward and me.

His green eyes blaze a fire hot enough to make me take a step back. "You know why I'm here, Bella." His voice is like a low rumble from a muscle car right before the engine revs.

"No," I reply in a soft tone and curl a lock of hair behind my ear, "I don't." My gaze hits the floor.

"Are we really gonna do this?" he utters irritably.

My eyes flash to his. "Do what? Edward, I don't—"

"Stop!" His hands wrap around my upper arms so that he can press my back firmly against the lockers. "Do not lie to me, Isabella!" His words are garbled through clenched teeth.

I flinch and turn my face away so that I don't have to look at him. I can't breathe—my chest drags air through my lungs in quick, sharp gasps. He's angry, and I'm terrified to look into his eyes again in case they're black. I can't handle this side of him, it's too much. I feel in over my head.

My shoulders shake with unreleased pressure and I bite down as hard as I can on my bottom lip to keep from screaming at him and making things worse. He's completely irrational when he's pissed—there is no talking to him.

"You're… hurting… me," I whimper.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The fingers that are dug deep into my flesh let up slightly. I almost weep in relief, but my body is still stiff and tense. "Is it bad?" He starts to rub his hands up and down my arms. "Do you need me to take you to the _hospital?" _he shouts into my face and rams a fist into the locker beside my head.

I cry out and fling myself to the right, stumbling to the side, falling down to my knees. I spin around and push myself backward with my ass sliding against the floor in my attempt to escape. Edward is on me in seconds, yanking me up to my feet again and palming either side of my face so that I can't look away from him.

"Just tell me why," he whispers and begins to gently pet the side of my face with the backs of his knuckles. "I just want to know why, okay?"

"You're scaring me," I moan miserably.

He presses his lips to the corners of my tearful eyes. So soft, so sweet—so fucking terrifying. It's the calm before the storm, the lighting before the thunder, the wave before the crash.

"Stop crying," he whispers into my ear.

I try to obey, but I can't stop the hiccups with each breath I take. My hands clench around his wrists, his hands cup my face again and draw me forward to press our foreheads together. He inhales deeply through his nose and then rubs the side of his scratchy chin against my cheek.

"It's one thing to go behind my back," he starts while his stubble streaks my skin scarlet, "another to lie to me." His lips tease down my throat. "I let it go when it happened with Jacob. You knew each other way before you knew me. But Royce?" His hands grip tighter until I whimper again. "I thought I told you never to lie to me? Never to keep shit from me because I _always _find out anyway?"

"Edward, I—"

"Shut up." He shakes my shoulders. "I tried so hard to be good for you. And this is how you do me? You sneak around behind my back with my best friend? With _Royce _of all fucking people? Alice was right!"

"N-no," I shake my head, "no, it's not like that!"

He chuckles. "I don't care what it's like, Bella." His hands slide down my sides and he takes a step away from me. "We're done."

I blink. "Excuse me?"

"I don't associate with liars. I hope you and Royce have a wonderful life together. I'm done with the both of you." With his hands raised at his sides, he backs off and turns around to walk away.

"Edward," I call out to him. "Edward, wait!" I take one step toward him and freeze—like, _literally _freeze up. I can't move. I'm paralyzed. My feet are glued to the ground. My tears slide down the sides of my face and I can't breathe… I can't breathe… I…

"_**Edward!**_" I scream after him.

-x-

I wake up gasping for air and tears streaming down the sides of my face. My heart pounds away behind my ribcage as if it's trying to escape and my body trembles continuously. I'm a mess—a big one. I'm also in the middle of Spanish class. Dear God, how embarrassing.

"Bella," Emmett scoots his desk closer to mine, "you all right?"

I shake my head vigorously because, well, _no_,I'm _not _all right. I'm far from it. I'm going to spontaneously combust with guilt and I will deserve it. They'll be sweeping me up in pieces and dumping them into the nearest trash bin. I can't believe I fell asleep in the middle of class. Actually, yes, I can believe that. Because I haven't been sleeping well since Halloween night when Royce ruined my life.

Okay, maybe that's a bit drastic, but I can't sleep and I blame him. It's like every time I close my eyes, I have one of three recurring dreams: Edward finds out about Royce, flips out, and dumps me; Royce tells Edward, Edward then flips out and dumps me; or I end up telling Edward, who then flips out and dumps me. Either way, he dumps me. No matter what I do, or what I say, or how I act… he dumps me. And I'm not even going to think about the other part of my dreams where _Rosalie_ goes absolutely apeshit on my ass.

Although, there is this one particular dream where both Rose and Edward team up against me and tag team each other while they drill me into the ground—literally. Every harsh sentence thrown at me feels like a hammer to my head and my entire body, bit by bit, gets rammed into a soil garden until I'm choking on dirt and I wake up gasping for air. I almost threw up the last time I had _that _nightmare.

"Come on." Emmett stands up from his seat and pulls me up out of mine. "Mrs. Cope, Bella isn't feeling well so I'm going to walk her to the nurse."

I must look like absolute shit, because Mrs. Cope takes one look at me and nods her head without protest. My face heats up with embarrassment and her eyes widen as she asks if I'm running a fever. Emmett slaps his hand over my forehead and fakes a gasp while telling her that I am. He ushers us outside the classroom and waits until we're around the corner before he stops walking and sets his hands down onto my shoulders.

"Okay, what's up with you?" His eyes are the deepest blue I've ever stared into.

I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly. "What do you mean?"

He snorts. "You fell asleep in class. You _never _fall asleep in class."

"So?" I play it off. "I'm tired."

"You're _never _tired," he enunciates. "You're a super student, Bella. Isn't falling asleep in class like sacrilege or something to you?"

My 'everything is fine' façade falls. "I don't… I just…" Here come the waterworks. "I just wish that stupid Halloween Party had never happened!" I blubber like a fool and then bow my head to cry into my hands. Lord, maybe I'm about to start my period or something. I hope so, because this crying business is just not working for me anymore. I feel like a wimp.

"Oh, sh-shit. Ok-kay, uh, wow," Emmett stutters before his instincts kick in and I'm pulled right into his massive boa constrictor arms. I'm wrapped up tight like a burrito, and usually this much intimacy would feel weird with anyone other than Rose, my dad, Jake, or Edward, but with Emmett it's really comforting. It's almost like I have a big brother.

Shit, I'm gonna cry again. Damn you, Aunt Flo… Damn you!

"You all right?" Emmett asks into the top of my head.

My response is a silent shrug of the shoulders. No, I'm still not all right, but I'm calmer. Does that count? I think so. I push away and straighten my clothes and hair. "Sorry," I mumble with my eyes down at my feet.

"For what?" He nudges me. "Rose has cried on my shoulder for a lot less. _Trust me_." He snickers in amusement before his expression turns serious. "You wanna talk about it?"

I chew my bottom lip and hug my arms around myself. "I wish that I could," I whisper softly. "But I can't," I add quickly.

"Sure you can." He encourages me by slipping an arm around my shoulders and leading me outside toward the football field. "Tell you what, we got about…" he pauses to check his phone for the time, "twenty more minutes before sixth period starts. Let's just chill on the bleachers. If you wanna talk, then, we'll talk. If you wanna just sit there and watch the freshmen wipeout during scrimmage, then, that's fine, too."

I follow him out to the bleachers where it's really freaking cold. When we sit, my booty cheeks feel like ice. It's foggy and a little difficult to see the freshman out on the field, but I can hear their grunting and name-calling. Shivering, I hug my arms around myself and fidget under Emmett's questioning side glances.

"I'm a great listener, you know." He leans in and squeezes my shoulder.

I close my eyes and try to convince myself that Emmett is someone I can trust. I know that I can, but I also know that telling him might put him in his own uncomfortable position. Jasper is his best friend, and Jasper doesn't think I'm safe around Edward. Rosalie is his, uh… whatever she is, and Rosalie hates Royce—with a strong dislike for Edward, as well—and whatever I say, he might feel obligated to tell her. My leg starts to bounce as my anxiety grows.

"Chill out, Smalls," he chuckles beside me. "It can't be that bad."

Now I'm gnawing at my lip. He's right, but it _feels _like it's _that bad_. It really, truly does. Where do I start? With Rose? With Royce? With Alice or Edward? And exactly how much can I even _say_? I can always just give him a censored version I suppose. There can't be any harm done in that, right?

"My friendship with Rose is drifting apart," I start with a frown. "I hardly see her anymore. I can't stand Alice, and it's more than obvious she wants to break me and Edward up. My dad wants to meet Edward and it's freaking Edward out big time, to the point where he's openly being a dick about it. I haven't spoken to my mother in over a month and I don't even really care." I laugh at myself sourly. "But most of all? I'm keeping this huge secret from two people I really care about. And even if I come clean now? It won't matter, they'll both freak out."

Emmett, thankfully, remains silent as I prattle on.

"And I'm falling for him." I turn my head to side-glance Emmett. "Edward," I clarify in case it's not already blatantly obvious. "And I don't know if it's okay or not to feel like this. What if I feel for him more than he feels for me? I mean, Edward isn't exactly an open book. I have to scale walls and fight dragons just to get him to answer a simple question sometimes. I just want to know if we're on the same page. I'm terrified I'm just going to blurt out the words and scare him away. That is, if he still wants to be with me after…"

A gust of wind picks up and blows my hair all over the place. I use this moment of distraction to wager my odds against telling Emmett the full truth.

I need to confide in _someone_. I'm going in-_fucking_-sane with this shit. Who else _is _there to talk to? No one. Because everyone is fake, but Emmett is real. But how do I know if I'm not putting Emmett in somewhat of the same position as Royce has done to me? Do I even care at this point? In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.

I twist my body around to straddle the bench so that I face him head on. "Can I tell you something without it getting back to Rose, or anyone else?" I bite the bullet and I ask, averting my gaze because I'm a coward. "It's not something about her, but it's about Royce. And before you say anything, you should know that _he _knows what you did that day everyone teamed up against Rose. He knows you're pretending to be the father of Rose's baby, and at this point, even he agrees that you're the better man."

I chew my lip in deep thought and then raise my gaze back to Emmett's blank face. "So, whatever I tell you about him, you can't take back to Rose. He's not going to fight for custody, not at this point in his life at least. And even if for some bizarre reason he does try, he knows I'll destroy him with what I know. But the thing is, once I tell _you_, I won't be the only one with something to hold over his head, so again, I ask you…" I pause for dramatic effect and stare into his eyes. "Can I trust you to keep this between you and me? Because if you can't, I totally understand. I would never ask you this if I didn't _need _someone to confide in, someone I can trust, but I don't want to put you in the middle—"

"Bella, stop!" His hand rises slightly to shush me, and when he knows I'm done talking, he starts again. "I'm your friend, too."

I sigh. "I know you are, but I also know that Jasper is your _best _friend, and Rosalie is… someone you really care about. I'm just… Bella. Yes, we're friends, but I understand that you have loyalties to Ja—"

"Bella, shut—up!" he snaps with a grimace. "You are my friend, all right? And if there is one thing about me that all my friends know, it's that you can count on me to always have your back. Yes, I may have loyalties to some friends more than others, but seriously, Bella… I hold you in the same category as I hold Rose and Jasper. So, if you tell me something in confidence—unless it's life threatening—I'm not saying shit to anybody."

Where did this kid come from? I mean, seriously… why haven't aliens abducted him yet to start a new planet? He is the perfect specimen.

"Okay," I settle back and get comfortable, "then, here it goes…"

-x-

"Don't tell me you miss me already, doll." Royce's usual witty banter is back.

He's healing slowly, and the pain isn't so bad with the meds he was given—although I'm secretly monitoring his pill intake whenever I can—but now I'm stuck with Mr. Smart Mouth.

Yay. _Not_.

"Have you told Edward yet?" I jump right in and ask what I want to know.

Nothing.

"Hello?" I tap my phone. "This thing on? Hellllooo?"

He growls and grumbles and then says, "No. I haven't."

My face heats up with anger. I look up at the person sitting in front of me—Emmett—and receive an encouraging nod from him. So I sit up straighter. "It's been well over a week, Royce. You promised to tell me what happened and you didn't. You promised you'd tell Edward and you didn't do that, either. Is there anything that you said you'd do that you've actually _done? _ I think I've been pretty damn patient up until now. So, you have until Sunday to tell him, or I will."

Emmett gives me a big thumbs up alongside a huge grin and dimples. He's adorable.

"Don't tell me what to do, Bella." Royce's tone grows dark and menacing.

_Aaaaand _then I snap. "Then don't _make _me tell you what to do, Royce." I take a deep breath, a _calming _breath. But it doesn't work and then I get angry all over again. "Don't forget that you _owe_ me, asshole! So, technically, I kind of _own_ your ass!"

Emmett slaps a disappointed hand over his face and shakes his head.

"Wow," Royce scoffs, "are we really going to go there, Bella? Yeah, I know I owe you, but you don't seem to understand that he's too unstable when it comes to you, Bella. I wasn't thinking when I called you and I'm sorry about that. You're good for him, and I don't want anything to mess things up between you two. You're good for him, and I didn't realize how much until yesterday."

I pause. "Yesterday?"

He sighs. "Yeah. He, uh… he had an opportunity to make _a lot _of money, but he turned it down. I asked him why and he wouldn't say. Cullen has never, in the history of our friendship, said no to an opportunity like this. It's too much money to turn down, so I know it's for you, you're his reason."

"What did he turn down?" I ask, though I'm not sure I want to know.

"Doesn't matter." Royce quickly dismisses the subject. "But he turned it down, and a part of me wishes that he didn't because I could really use the money, and I can't do it without him. But he's trying, Bella, I told you he was. And you can think of me as the most selfish bastard alive, but I would rather lose money than have him fall back down to the place he was at before you put his priorities straight."

I don't know what to say. I really don't. I look at Emmett, who stares at me curiously, and shake my head, confused. Fuck, what is the right thing to do? I don't know. I _don't _know!

"I don't like lying to Edward," I whisper harshly.

"Well, then, what do you want to do, Bella?" Royce asks in annoyance. "I'll do whatever you want. It's your call."

_Fuck_.

"I want to tell him," I say without hesitation. I know Royce hates this, but I can't look my boyfriend in the face knowing I did something he has no idea about.

Then again, I'm sure there are tons of situations that Edward has been in and has not told me about. But then _again_, I don't want to fight with Edward, and what if he breaks up with me? I can't handle that. Just thinking about it keeps me up at night with nightmares. My stomach tightens up into knots imagining all the horrible possibilities. Holy cornballs, Batman! We're pathetic.

"Okay," he sighs. "If you need me…"

"Yeah," I reply, "I know."

"You sure about this, dollface? It could get ugly. You up for that?" he asks in what sounds like genuine concern. I don't know how that makes me feel, really, because I want to hate him, but I can't.

I turn away from Emmett's prying eyes and cover mine with a sweaty palm. "Yes… no… maybe? I don't know. I just… I don't…" I sucked air through my teeth. "I'm scared. I don't want to upset him. Not if it will make him do something stupid, and he _always _does something stupid when he's mad."

"I know he does," Royce agrees regrettably.

"Maybe…" I gulp before I speak again. "Maybe after dinner with my dad on Saturday? Then I'll tell him on Sunday."

"Yeah," Royce starts, "that's fine. You want me there?"

I nibble my lip as I contemplate my answer.

"I don't…" I really don't know.

I do want him there in case Edward flips out, or in case I need someone to have my back. But at the same time, it just feels so weird asking Royce to be there during a very private conversation between Edward and me. What if Edward feels like we're ganging up on him? What if he jumps to conclusions? Lord, I know he will—he _always _does. This is all so effing confusing and consuming, and I think I need to get high.

"I'll be there," Royce offers for me. "We can go to his place. I'll wait in the living room, or outside, and visit Alice. Just know that I'll be within reach if you need me, got it?"

"Yeah, uh… okay, yeah." I nod my head and try to convince myself this is a good idea.

"So, Sunday?" he requests my confirmation.

Say yes, Bella. And sound confident when you say it.

"Yes," I reply. "Sunday."

"See you then," Royce says softly before he hangs up.

"See ya," I whisper back to the dial tone.

-x-

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

FHS Cheer Squad _Wall Post: __Saturday Practice_

**Bella Swan** Practice will begin early Saturday morning and run late into the evening. Do not whine or ask to leave early. Do not slack off or pretend like you forgot the new lineup. We have a lot to cover, so please bring your warm ups and your pompoms along with anything else you will need to get you through the day (water, snacks, etc.…). We meet at 9am sharp on the football field. If you are late, I will make an example out of you. Ask Jessica.

Comments:

**Jessica Stanley **ha. ha.

**Lauren Mallory** 9am on a SATURDAY? Not even Rosalie did that!

**Jennifer Ford** why did I get this invite? I'm not on the squad anymore.

**Tia Kebi** I'll be there.

**Kate Stone** count me in—with bells! ;)

**Mike Chang** awesome.

**Irina Denali** ugh. That's early.

**Kate Stone** no partying for YOU!

**Irina Denali** watch me.

**Tia Kebi** I'm not driving your hungover ass to practice so you can puke in my car, fyi

**Irina Denali** whatever

**Kate Stone** feeling the team spirit already!

**Liam Hunter** damn, ram-bella, whip us into shape why don't you?

**Chelsea Salvatore** can I bring my little sister? My parents are out of town this weekend.

**Bella Swan** Yes.

**Chelsea Salvatore** Thanks.

**Jennifer Ford **still not understanding why I was included…

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Between _**Bella Swan **_and_** Jennifer Ford**

**Bella Swan** You're back in.

**Jennifer Ford** excuse me?

**Bella Swan** can you not read? We're down a cheerleader, you know the basic routines and so it won't take you forever to learn the new ones. You in or not?

**Jennifer Ford** not if YOU'RE the captain, I don't feel like being an even bigger laughing stock at nationals

**Bella Swan** suit yourself. I have options.

**Jennifer Ford** IHY.

**Jennifer Ford** I'll be there.

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Wall Post: to _**Bella Swan**_ from _**Emmett McCarty**

**Emmett McCarty** WASSSSUP, BELLY BOO!

**Bella Swan** you're crazy, Em.

**Emmett McCarty** crazy 4 u—yes. Yes, I am.

**Rosalie Hale** you two are both crazy.

**Bella Swan** totally cray.

**Emmett McCarty** oooh good one, that shyt cray.

**Rosalie Hale** lol

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Between _**Rosalie Hale **_and_** Bella Swan**

**Rosalie Hale** I miss you.

**Bella Swan** miss you, too. Totes nervous about tomorrow.

**Rosalie Hale** it'll be fine. Come over afterward, sleep over.

**Bella Swan** kay.

**Makenna Levine** _requests to be friends with_** Bella Swan**.

Friend request accepted.

**Makenna Levine** _and_ **Bella Swan** _are now friends._

-x-

It's foggy and colder than a mofo, but I insist we stay out on the football field while we go over drills and sprints. We're running the track right now, around and around we go. The guys are in the lead, well, unless you count Kate, who is a solid runner anyhow. She's also on the track team, so none of us really stand a chance against her.

I'm somewhere between the overachievers and the slackers alongside Tia, Irina, and Jess. I want to run alone, I have too much on my mind and running is supposed to take my mind off things, but it's not. I hate running next to Jessica because I want her to be a slacker so I can kick her ass off the squad. It would make me feel loads better, but she's dedicated and actually quite dependable. Damn her.

Four laps later we pile into the gym breathless and sweaty. I chug a bottle of water, bad idea, I know, and then slam it down onto the floor beside the basketball bleachers. As I look around at the faces of everyone on the squad, my mind wanders off. I bet Irina doesn't have to worry about keeping secrets from her boyfriend—she doesn't even _have _one. Tia is sweet and gets along with everyone, so she'd never be in a situation where she'd have to lie to someone's face. And Kate? Well, she has the perfect life, with the perfect parents, and the perfect stoner boyfriend.

I hate them all. I scowl at my squad and hate myself for what I do next. Which is to drill their asses into the ground by physical exertion. I call out cheer drills that make them moan and groan, and every time I think about Edward, or Alice, or my dad, or Royce… I make them drop and give me twenty. I get called a masochist and a bitch.

I don't care. I don't understand why they're so pissed, it's not like I'm not doing the exact same exercises, as well. I work each and every one of them until I myself can barely carry a single thought past the excruciating pain in my thighs and arms. I hand out the new cheers we will learn next week and then send everyone on their way.

I barely make it to the parking lot before everything I had been working so hard to ignore comes crashing back down onto me. Edward. My dad. Dinner. Royce. Rose. _Life…_

I suddenly have a serious case of the BG's—bubble guts—as I drive home from practice. Rosalie has promised to stop by before dinner, so that makes the bubbles in my gut settle down a bit. I really, really hope my dad behaves himself tonight. Edward, too, of course.

I want to text him, but for some reason I'm worried that if I talk to him before dinner, he will find an excuse to not come tonight. Royce has assured me that, to his knowledge, Edward plans to come. To make up for my not being able to text Edward, I text Royce—repeatedly. Our text conversations go something like this:

_Me:_ _You're SURE he said he was coming?_

**Royce: If u don't stop askin me, I swear I will shuv 1 of these Norcos down ur throat. **

_Me: That was rude._

**Royce: Bella, he'll be there. Chill.**

_Me: You would tell me if he was having second thoughts, though, right?_

**Royce: Yes.**

_Me: Okay. _

**Royce: Good.**

_Me: Where is he now?_

**Royce: IDK and I really don't care.**

_Me: I'm nervous! YOU have to calm me down!_

**Royce: I'm jus curious… how long do u plan 2 make me ur bitch?**

_Me: Forever._

**Royce: Wonderful.**

So far, we've had about three convos like these. I'm still on edge, and now that I'm home, it only intensifies.

I'm so nervous. I think I'm going to puke. No way will I be able to eat. My dad is being totally irrational right now, too. He's already asked me twice, while cleaning out his rifles, if Edward has a weak bladder. I'm terrified of what my dad is planning to do.

"Bella, chill the fuck out. You're annoying me," Rosalie groans into the phone. "It's gonna be fine. What's the worst that could happen?"

The worst that could happen? Seriously? Does she know who my father is? Yes, she does. She's just playing dumb. That's got to be it. She knows better!

"Are you kidding me?" I pace back and forth in my room. "Dad is polishing his rifles in the living room!"

I'm half upset that she couldn't physically come down here like she said she would, but she feels nauseated—something she _always _feels now—and has convinced me to stay the night after dinner. Which sounds like so much fun! I would _love_ to hang out with a nauseated and bitchy pregnant teenager. Okay, that was harsh. I'll stop.

"Well," she replies after a beat, "it can't be worse than my situation. I was going to wait until after your dinner to tell you, but I can sense that you need a distraction. One that takes you out of your head, so here it goes…" she clears her throat. "My mom responded to the email, finally."

My gait stops dead in front of my bed with one foot held idly in the air. "What did it say?"

Her breath leaves her lungs in one long exhale through her nose. "Three words."

"Pack-your-shit?" I need to work on my mouth filter.

She answers back, "On-my-way."

I gulp. "Oh."

"Yeah," she says with a small tremor in her tone.

Well, that sure took my mind off things.

-x-

The table is set and the house is as clean as either my dad or myself have seen it since… well, _ever_. The floor freaking sparkles—thank you, Mr. Clean, for everything you and your bald head do. The sweet tang of orange chicken rises up from the steaming bowl in the center of the table, making things look homemade and delicious—that is, until you see the surrounding condiments still packed in their takeout boxes. I decided after dumping out the chicken to just keep it real. Edward will know the instant he walks into the kitchen that I did not cook the meal. So why bother washing the extra dishes? I just painted my nails, and no way will I allow them to chip while being submerged beneath suds of Dawn dish soap. Soft on the hands, my ass.

Fingers reach out toward the orange chicken and in an instant my own go flying out to swat them away. The loud smack of my palm against the top of my dad's hand pierces through the silence and startles us both.

"Hey!" Dad frowns at me as he pulls back to cradle his injured limb. "Was that really necessary?"

I cannot believe him. "It's rude to eat before everyone is at the table!" I scold him with much distaste in my more than disappointed tone.

The infamous 'stache above his lip starts to twitch. "It's also rude to be forty minutes late," he growls out unhappily.

And just like that, the countdown to doomsday begins. Dad's patience is wearing thin, but unbeknownst to him, mine is even thinner.

"He'll be here," I say to him. "He just lives far." I start to make excuses for Edward. "Besides, he had community service to finish up first."

This is not a lie, but for some reason, it feels like one. Mostly because Edward's shift ended two hours ago and there is no way in hell that is the reason he is not here right now.

He grunts, not believing a word I say, and dares to reach for the food again.

_Smack!_

"Damn it, Bells! I'm hungry!" he shouts angrily after I've slapped his prying hand away once again.

I scowl in response.

"Parent." Dad points to himself. "Child." He points at me.

I glare at him silently as he leans over and begins to fill his plate. Now everything is ruined; the food is tainted. I feel like crying, or something similar. Like screaming. I excuse myself with a gruff, inhuman sound and push away from the table to storm up to my room. My phone is silent, no messages or missed calls grant my screen any notifications. I start to feel uneasy in the pit of my stomach.

I text him. _No response. _

I call him. _No response._

I call Jake and find out he's in the middle of a date with Makenna—who cheerfully calls out a hello to me in the background. Jake suggests I call Royce, and if that falls through to call him back and he'd figure out what's going on. I don't want to bother him any more than I already have, so I lie and tell him everything is fine and hang up.

Then I call Royce.

"I thought he was with you?" is the response I get after asking where the fuck Edward is.

"Well, he's not," I snap furiously. "You said he was coming. Where is he, Royce? He _promised _me!" I start to panic. "What if something happened? What if—"

"All right, doll. Chill out, I'll make a call," he says before hanging up.

I sigh and facepalm into my phone. I cannot believe this is happening. I knew Edward was reluctant to meet up with my dad, but never would I think he'd lie about coming. I'm beyond angry, but a part of me is laughing and saying that this is what I get. I deserve this, because haven't I been lying to Edward for weeks now? I don't want to think about that so I start to stuff clothes into an overnight bag.

I storm downstairs with the intention of clearing the table, but Dad has had the good grace to wash the dishes and package up the leftovers. I feel a tug in my chest and squeeze my fingernails into my palms. I'm so hurt by this. I don't deserve this. I held back a secret from Edward for his own good—I don't want him to do something stupid as retaliation for Royce. I also know that, if the roles were reversed, he'd be there for Rosalie. If only for my sake, I know he would. I care for Rose far too much, so he'd never turn her down if she needed his help. How could I ever not act in kind? Why do I feel like I'm being punished?

"I'm going to Rosalie's," I call out to Dad as I scoop up my keys from the kitchen counter.

He gives a simple, sympathetic nod to me as I pass by him on my way to the front door. I don't want his pity, it makes me ill. I expected him to be angry and somewhat triumphant. After all, isn't this what he wanted? A failed dinner so that he can prove his point that Edward is a bad choice?

For not the first time since leaving that Homecoming party with Edward…

I'm starting to think my dad's right.

-x-

_I must believe  
>There's more above us and below<br>I must believe  
>Stranded with this bitch called hope<br>It keeps me here  
>When all I wanna do is go<br>It keeps me here  
>When all I wanna do is disappear<em>

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Above and Below by The Bravery_.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teasers for this fic, you might want to check out my twitter.

TK's FIC REC: _Starry Eyed Inside by Rochelle Allison. __One of my top ten! It's complete. _

**NEXT WEEK'S UPDATE: Will arrive on schedule. Friday, PST. **

**APOLOGY TIME: **had some major stuff going down in my RL, so I was unable to write. Things are better, so I will be getting this story back on schedule. In fact, chapter 25 is already written, I just need to finish up the ending scene. I'm sorry for not updating for so long, hopefully you guys can forgive me. Thanks.

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS.**

**p.s. SPOILER ALERT! **Major lemon next chapter…


	25. High for This

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, Rob would be my midnight fuck to ring in the new year.

SHOUT OUTS—_**Jess:**__Thanks for making it like old times when we used to chat about this story, I miss that. Love you.__**DarlingSaila**__: Holy shit, wow. I don't think you understand how much you help me when it comes to this story. ESPECIALLY the lemons! Thanks, girl. My magic Beta Fish. __**EVERYONE:**__ Thanks for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you're all amazing. Let's end 2011 with a bang!_

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Be safe & have fun!)**

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ you don't know if whether to kill or fuck your boyfriend—all while your dad is peeking at your through the window.

Ch. 25: _High for This_

Not too long into my drive to Rosalie's, Royce calls me back.

"Well?" I huff and drive one-handed down the highway.

"He… uh…" he stalls.

I tremor and fight to keep my hand on the wheel. "Spill it, Roy! You owe me!" I shout in frustration.

He curses under his breath. "He's at Alice's," Royce admits reluctantly.

It feels like everything just… stops.

"Doll?" comes Royce's concerned reply.

I swallow hard and force myself to remember how to breathe. "Did he say anything about blowing off dinner with my dad tonight?"

"Shit, B, I don't know, all right? I didn't speak with him directly." He's hiding something from me; I just don't know what it is. I can't even begin to imagine _what_. "But I don't think he remembered. I'm sorry. I know I said he'd be there. Whatever happened between when I last spoke with him and now… it's just, he was set on going. I swear that he was."

"Then, why is he ignoring me?" I sound angry, but really I'm about ten seconds away from bawling like a big baby. It happens when I'm beyond pissed the fuck off.

He sighs. "He's not. His phone was on silent. I had to call Alice."

I cringe. So not what I want to hear right now.

"You, uh… you should know that today is a bad day for Alice." He pauses for a moment, as if contemplating how much to tell me.

I'm so done with this shit I decide as I pull up onto Rosalie's driveway and shut off my car.

"Bella?" he asks at my silence.

My response is quick and precise. "She can have him."

Soon after, the only sound he hears is the dial tone on my end.

-x-

I close my eyes and settle down further into the comforter while Rosalie drones on about her current situation. Rose's bed is the absolute shit, I swear on it. Her parents must have spent a grip on this thing. I wonder how long it would take me to get a job and save up for something like this?

Needless to say, I have _not _spoken a word to her about my failed dinner. She hasn't asked. So, I'm assuming that she either, a.) doesn't care; b.) forgot; or c.) thinks I need another distraction.

At this point, I would take all of the above. Rose is not herself lately.

"Maybe they're coming to be supportive?" I blurt out as she makes her third pass around the room on her giant purple Pilates ball.

She shakes her head derisively at my suggestion. "They're more likely to come and kick me out."

"Don't be dramatic." I roll my eyes just as my phone starts to ring.

_Edward calling…_

I press _ignore_ and set it back down and then roll onto my side to face Rose. "Maybe," I start with a forced smirk, "they're coming to send you away to a distant relative while your mom wears a fat suit and pretends to be the one knocked up?"

Her eyes narrow. "This isn't Desperate Housewives, dummy. Be serious."

"I _am _being serious," I laugh, but the sound is hollow even to my own ears. "Your mom is _that _fucking crazy."

My phone sounds off again. I ignore it—_again_.

"What's with that?" Rosalie finally asks while motioning to my phone.

It's the fifth call I've ignored in the past twenty minutes that I've been here.

"Nothing," I lie to her, "I just want to be here for you."

"Bullshit." She pops up from her giant ball and kicks it across the room. "What hell is going on, Bella? You've been weird since you walked in, and you haven't said a word about dinner."

Okay, so she's purposely not asked about it. I don't know how to respond. I don't want to worry her, and I don't want her to use this to fuel her "I hate Cullen" fire.

So, I pull out another lie.

"Dinner? _Psh_." I wave her off. "Totally fine."

"Really?" Her brow rises curiously.

I force a smile. "Yep."

With a defiant hand on her hip, she stares me down. "You're getting better at it, I'll admit that," she replies with a hint of appreciation. "But I think you forget that, despite my lapse in character lately, I still know you like the back of my hand, Isabella Swan."

_Fuck_. I was hoping she'd be too wrapped up in her own issues to catch me lying about mine. Damn it. I just shrug my shoulders and stand up. "Let's watch a movie." I start for the door.

Rose grabs my wrist to halt my exit. "Let's not. Tell me what happened. Was it bad?" Her violet eyes flash with sympathy that mirrors the look on my father's face as I left the house. I don't like it. Not on him, and not on her.

I shake my head and yank my wrist free from her grip. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? Everything is fine, I just…" I rub my hands over my face. "_Fuck!_ I just don't want to talk about it, okay?"

She blinks in surprise and flinches back a step. "Okay." Her voice is soft. "I'm sorry."

Guilt runs through my veins like venom and my face crumbles. "_Shit_." I begin to cry. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Rose closes the gap between us and pulls me into her arms. "You don't have to apologize, and you don't have to tell me what happened… _yet_," she adds seriously.

I nod into her shoulder and inhale a shaky gulp of air.

-x-

We end up watching movies and playing _Words With Friends_ on our phones with each other and Emmett and Jasper—who are both really freaking good at this game, by the way. Jasper is kicking my ass by about sixty points, and Emmett just hit a triple letter with X on a triple word. I think he's cheating. At least I'm kicking Rosalie's ass on our game. She sucks consistently.

When Edward calls, I ignore it, and if he texts me, I delete it without reading. I really don't know why, but when Royce calls I answer without any hesitation.

"_What?_" I snip. I said I answered, not that I was happy about it.

"You really need to call him, doll," he says in a way that makes me instantly nervous.

I stand up from the couch and walk out of the room so that Rosalie can't overhear my conversation. I lock my lips and tell myself to get it together.

"Why?" My shaky voice gives away my fear. I clear my throat and ask again more confidently.

He laughs, but not in amusement, "Because he's on his way to your house. _That's _why."

"Oh, my God." The blood in my veins runs ice cold and I shiver. "How long ago did he leave?"

"About ten minutes, I think?" His guesstimate makes me nervous.

I freak out. "Ten minutes? I'll never make it home in ten freaking minutes! Good looking out, Royce. Fuck!" I kick the leg of a lamp table in the hall.

"All the more reason to _call _him," he rebuffs my comments. "I just got his text right before I called you. So, get your shit together and call your boy before he does something stupid."

I groan. "Okay, but if anything happens, I blame y—"

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters and hangs up.

I call Edward immediately, and of course, he doesn't answer. My nerves bunch up so tight I can barely move. "Rosalie!" I scream and run into the entertainment room to pull yet another lie out of my ass as a reason for my abrupt departure.

With the way I've been spewing lies lately, you'd think I'd have an ass the size of Nicki Minaj's.

-x-

"_Cullen… __**BEEP!**__"_

"Shit!" I shout and slam a hand down onto the steering wheel while doing eighty in a forty-five. "Edward, please answer the damn phone!" I hang up and throw my phone down onto the seat. I've been calling him nonstop since hauling ass from Rose's house.

She was _not _a happy camper.

My car slides on a patch of ice just as I turn the corner down my street. I should probably be thankful that I didn't flip, or crash, or maim anyone with my Volvo of mass destruction. So I end up charging down the block until I'm pulling into the driveway. It's here that I kill the engine and hop outside my car, only to realize that I'm too late. Edward's car is parked out front…

And he's not in it.

I almost trip over my own feet as I run to the front door and attempt shove my key into the lock. I'm so nervous that my hands shake and I can't keep steady enough to insert the key into the fucking hole. Good God, it's a good thing I'm not a guy. I'd never hit home.

"Bella?" The door swings open and I fall face first into the chest of—I pause and look up—_Edward_.

My fingers turn into claws that latch onto his shoulders as I pull myself together and stand up straight.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hiss as my eyes dart behind him to see Dad resting in his recliner, watching the game. Beer in hand and everything, he's in the same exact state as I'd left him. My dad is so predictable that it scares me sometimes.

Edward—ever the picture of cool, calm, and collected—rubs his hands up and down my arms. "I told you I'd be here." He smiles as if everything is fine and he's not in for a shitload of trouble.

I shrug away from him and cross my arms over my chest defensively. "You're late," I tell him.

He sighs and rubs a hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know… I'm so—"

"_Don't_," I snap and hold a hand up to silence him. "Why isn't my dad showing you his guns?" I have a sudden bout of curiosity.

"Already done and buried, sweet pea," Dad calls out from the living room. "Quite the negotiator, this one." He snorts into his beer can and swallows before he hits the mute button and beckons us both over.

Edward continuously keeps trying to hold my hand and I swat him away every time. I circle the sofa with the intention of sitting as far away from him as possible, but he's seated in the middle of the damn thing. So now I have no choice but to be next to him, smelling him, feeling him… _wanting _him. And all in front of my dad. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Oh, for the love of… Bella, will you just sit down already?" Dad's annoyance is clear as day.

Without warning, I'm yanked down onto the couch and half falling into Edward's lap. I gasp and rear my hand back to smack his shoulder with a scowl. How dare he manhandle me in front of my own father! I look over to see a giant shit-eating grin plastered across his face.

Why the fuck is he so happy?

I turn to look at my dad. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Filter, Bella," Dad scolds in disapproval.

Deep breaths. "What is going on here, Father?" My sarcasm is thick and palpable.

Edward's fingers start to slither under the back of my sweater and feather up my spine. I shiver in response and reach behind me to push him away. Why is he acting like this?

Dad rubs a hand over his eyes and sighs. "Like I said, this one here," he says as he motions to Edward, "is pretty clever. He's managed to get into my good graces despite the shitload of odds stacked against him."

I peer over my shoulder and Edward shrugs innocently. "And how did he do that?" I ask curiously. "Seeing as how he's not even in _my _good graces," I growl at Edward while my words are aimed at my dad.

"Edward?" My dad tilts his head at him. "Why don't you tell Bella what you said to me? And don't forget our deal." He points an accusing finger.

Edward?

_Edward?_

"Did he just call you…" I blink in surprise as my head whips back and forth between the two males on either side of me. "I'm so confused," I groan and press at my temples.

Gently, Edward takes my hands from my head and links our fingers together. "I am so sorry, Bella. But something came up that I couldn't put aside, and…" He shakes his head, his happy façade finally starting to crack and come apart at the seams.

"I want to know what you said to my dad," I interrupt him.

His eye color darkens. His jaw clenches. _This _is the Edward I know, the one I expect, and the one I can deal with. Instinctively, my hands tighten around his. A vein in his forehead peaks forth and I smirk. With my eyes I tell him to cut the crap and come clean. He reads me easily and it pisses him off because I'm ruining whatever disguise he's put on for my father's sake.

"I said…" He clears his throat and looks down at our hands. "I told him that I had some shi—_stuff_ that needed to be handled. Something that couldn't wait."

"What couldn't 'wait?'" I mock him with air quotes. "And if you say Alice, so help me God, Edward…"

"Stop!" He pulls on my wrists to get my eyes locked onto his again. "Your dad gets it, okay? She needed me because—"

I scream in frustration and jump up to my feet. "I'm so _sick _of this!" I shout at him angrily. "She says jump and you ask, 'how high?'! I told you that I wouldn't make you choose, and I meant it when I said it, but now I'm taking it back! She has done nothing but insult me to my face—and you have _never _defended me, by the way—and she's been devious and reckless from the start! _I'm _your girlfriend, Edward!" My hands smack against my chest.

His eyes dart behind me to assess my father's reaction and it only serves to anger me further. "Look at _me_ when I'm talking to you!" I yell. "Don't look at him, he is _not_ who you should be worried about right now… _Cullen_."

His head snaps up so that his eyes meet my gaze while he slowly rises up to his feet. "Please sit down, _sweetheart_," he replies through gritted teeth, "I promised your dad I would not give him a reason to rescind his offer."

"My dad," I reply and arch my brow at him, "is not whose ass you need to kiss right now."

We face off. Right there, in the middle of my damn living room, in front of my dad. He's angry, _I'm _angry, and I have no clue how this all looks to my poor dad. His whistle cracks through the thick air like a whip and both Edward's and my attention flies to the La-Z-Boy.

"I told you apologizing to me was useless," Dad chuckles at Edward and gets up from his chair. "I'm going to get another beer, and you two are going to take this out onto the front porch." He turns to point a finger at Edward. "And don't forget our deal."

That's the second time he's mentioned this _deal_ he has going on with Edward—I make a mental note to get an explanation from both of them later. Edward reaches for his jacket on the coat rack and I curtly snatch it away and put it on so that when we stand outside, his ass will freeze. The instant the door closes behind us, he's grabbing the lapels on his jacket and yanking me up against his chest.

"I told her," he says with his lips centimeters in front of mine.

I blink and set my palms against his stomach. "Huh?" I push.

Smoldering. That's the only word I can think of to describe the look that's currently occupying Edward's face—his eyes are two coals within a halo of fire around his intense stare. "I told Alice to back the fuck off or else we're not friends anymore." My hands slide up to his chest. He takes one and kisses my open palm. "I told her that _you _are my top priority, and for her to stop treating me like I owe her something." His nose dips down to caress the side of my face. "I told her that _you _are my girlfriend and she's not. I told her that things are different now because there is someone else who is very important to me."

My eyes close. His mouth teases my skin with small, slight kisses on the apple of my cheeks to the corners of my mouth. He's distracting me—and it's working. _Shit_. He's really irresistible right now. He's all cuddly and cute, and rough and sexy, and… _mine_.

One of my hands slinks up to grab the back of his neck and pull him down to me so that I can have what I've wanted since he said he told Alice to fuck off. Well, he _sort _of told her to fuck off, but… oh, who cares? He _told _her!

"Okay." He stops our kiss from becoming more.

"What?" I ask breathless and try to kiss him again, only to be stopped _again_. "What is it?"

He laughs softly and then points over my shoulder. "I sort of promised your dad that I wouldn't give him a reason to kick my ass."

I turn around to see Dad holding back the curtain and glaring daggers at us. I wave him away and he points two fingers at his eyes before he points the same fingers at Edward. I would laugh if my dad wasn't so much like Jack Byrnes from _Meet the Parents_. If given the opportunity, he'd hook Edward up to a lie detector test.

Wait a minute…

"Did he… um.." I bite my lip and think about how to approach this.

Edward sweeps the hair from my eyes and smirks. "You mean did he try his hardest to get me to piss my pants? Yes, he did. And, no, I didn't. He also stared at me for about ten minutes without blinking, a game I've been good at since I was five. We broke it off as a tie when your dad sneezed and said that it didn't count. Then he said that the only way he would give me a second chance was if _you _gave me one. So," he pauses, "will you?"

My eyes go to the collar of his dark blue Henley shirt where I'm starting to pull at it with my fingers. I shrug and sigh. "I don't know, it depends." I release the material and draw shapes with my fingernail across his chest.

His hands move to my waist. "On what?"

"On…" I smirk. "How did you _really _get my dad to give you a second chance?"

He hesitates and my eyes widen when I realize he's… he's _blushing_. What the hell? I grab onto the shirt and pull him toward me even closer than he already is.

"I said, uh," he clears his throat, "that I would _curkfermmm…_" he mumbles.

I grimace in confusion. "What?"

Again, he garbles so low and fast that I can't make out a single syllable. I frown and touch his cheek. "Edward?" My brow arches.

"Boy said he'd cook!" Dad ends up shouting through the door.

I huff and tell him to go watch TV because this is an A and B conversation. I'm slightly shocked Dad didn't scold me for my sarcasm. He leaves us alone at last and then it's just Edward and me on the porch, staring into each other's eyes. His are warm and happy. In his mind, he's out of the woods, and in a way, I suppose he is.

He leans down to place a chaste kiss against my lips.

I can't wait until tomorrow. With or without Royce's help… I just… I can't… I can't lie to Edward, or keep this a secret any longer. He doesn't deserve it.

"I have to tell you something." I gulp and look away over his shoulder.

He uses the tip of his nose to brush against mine so that I'll lift my gaze to his. "Don't do that," he whispers closely. "Don't shut me out."

Nervous lip nibbling begins. "I'm not, it's just..."

Dear God, I think I'm going to have a heart attack. My chest is pounding and my breath is short, I feel lightheaded.

"Just what?" His lips press small, tender kisses all over my face as he draws me closer to enclose me in his arms. His hands slip into the back pockets of my jeans and then align us perfectly, so that I feel him just above where I need him.

I inhale a sharp breath and he dips and captures my mouth with his. Deep, sensual kisses that turn desperate in a matter of seconds before I'm clawing at his hair and his fingers are digging into my rear, bunching it in his hands, and smashing our lower halves together. His tongue delves inside my mouth and sweeps across my taste buds causing sparks and shivers and the usual fireworks that only he can ignite within me.

"Edward," I pull back slightly to reply breathlessly. His chin is clean, but there are tiny pricks that still scratch against my skin in such delicious ways. Involuntarily, my teeth nip at him and he chuckles from the back of his throat—a deep rumble that fades into a hum going straight between my legs.

He mumbles something into my ear, it's garbled, and I don't understand it. I press my hands to his chest and he reluctantly stops his assault of my mouth. Lustfully hooded eyes stare back at me, a little dopey smile upon his swollen lips. I'm sure mine are in the same state, but with rosy cheeks and grazed skin. He's so beautiful—I don't think many people see that about him—his strong-edged and masculine jaw, light colored lashes that are lengthy and feather-soft, a lavish mouth with plush lips, and eyes as green as jade sea glass.

I watch his lips push forward as they begin to form words and suddenly I'm blurting, "I've been helping Royce for the past couple weeks. With his injuries," I clarify the last part when Edward's eyes widen in shock. "He needed my help, and I couldn't say no."

"When," he whispers.

I gulp. "The night of Alice's Halloween party. I told you I was going to Rosalie's, but I went to pick Royce up from…" I bite my lip. "Somewhere, I don't remember exactly." _Lie_. "Someone had ganged up on him, and he looked awful! I _had _to help him. You would never say no to Rosalie, I know you wouldn't. You know how important she is to me, just like I know how important Roy—"

"Stop." In a flash, his hands are at my shoulders, holding me away at arm's length.

"We didn't tell you because Royce said it was too dangerous. He still hasn't told me everything that happened that night, but I had to take him to the _hospital _a few days later because his injuries were so bad." I shake my head up at him.

He says nothing.

I swallow. "Edward?" If my voice is as pathetic as I think it just sounded… shoot me now.

He shakes his head but won't look at me. His hands tighten and let go on either side of my neck. _Clench and release. Clench and release. Clench and release._ Like they're following the rhythm of my insanely panicked heartbeat. I try to move forward, but his grip tightens painfully in order to keep me from closing the gap between us.

"Edward, don't." My voice trembles as I fight to pry his hands from my shoulders. "Don't do this!" I start to plead with him. "He had no one else to call, okay? He knew that you would have done something stupid, and I was scared that you would, too. I'm glad he didn't call you." I claw at his arms, my nails digging into his flesh. "Edward, look at me!"

"No." His head bows.

"Why not?" I cry.

When his eyes finally meet mine I wish they hadn't. They're black, full of anger and betrayal. "Because I can't believe how _stupid _you are!" he roars into my face.

My lungs scream for air that I can't give them. "I can't believe you just said that to me."

He shakes his head and stares over my shoulder at nothing, thoughts evident as his eyes glaze over and his jaw tightens.

"I _knew_ you were going to do this." I yank away from him and wipe at the stray tears that have escaped past my lashes. "I did _nothing _wrong!" I shout at him.

"Then why did you _lie_ about it?" he barks back.

I flinch at the volume of his voice. "Because I knew you would do _this!_" I charge and shove him heatedly. "You act like I'm your _property _or something! Like I _belong_ to y—"

"You _do!_" He grabs my arm and tugs me harshly forward. "When are you going to stop fighting me and just _admit it?_" he hisses into my face, eyes blazing and teeth gritted. "I'm so sick of you acting like you can just do whatever the fuck you want with _whoever_ you want. Do you have any idea what could have happened to you? Are you really that fucking _naïve?_"

"You're hurting me," I grimace.

I'm ignored and I gasp painfully in response to his tight clench. Suddenly, the pressure is gone and he's leaving in long strides across my lawn to his car.

"Edward!" I scream after him.

"Not right now, Bella," he growls and yanks his car door open.

"Where are you going?" I run over to the driver's side and try to stop him from getting inside. "Edward, please don't go."

He starts his car and tries to push me out so that he can slam the door shut. "Get inside the house, Isabella." He still refuses to meet my gaze.

"No." I remain defiant.

"Get in the _fucking _house!" he snarls and guns his engine to scare me away. It works, and I'm stumbling backward watching him peel off down the street.

I run back inside and ignore my dad's concerned questions and angry words. I almost drop my phone as I make a desperate call. When it picks up, I blurt out, "He knows."

"_Fuck_," Royce curses when he hears the tremor in my tone and the hiccups of my cries.

-x-

It's late and I can't sleep, and I don't care. I pick up my phone and light up the screen to see that, no, it is not broken, he's just not calling or texting me back, or even acknowledging that I'm alive, for that matter. Royce isn't answering, either, which leads me to believe that Edward went straight to Royce's house to cause mayhem. If I hadn't just had a full-blown anxiety attack earlier in front of Dad, I would be at Royce's house playing referee and trying to keep the kids away right now. e

I lightly smack my phone's screen against my forehead as I try to pull myself together enough to figure out what the hell to do next. That hadn't gone too well with Edward, but it was ten times less dramatized than I expected. I have to count my blessing somehow, and that's it.

I grimace when my phone hits my skin and jolts me upright when it vibrates. I fumble and it flies off of my bed and hits the floor hard enough to make me worry that I've busted it. I scramble off the bed and flop down onto the ground on my knees with a painful thump. My knees burn, but I answer quickly.

"H-hello? Edward?" I lick my lips wistfully.

"Come downstairs." He hangs up.

I set the phone down beside me on the floor and take a deep breath. I can't lose him. I won't. This is stupid, why am I worried? I'm his; he knows I'm his. This isn't about me being defiant or fighting with him. Why hadn't I seen it before? He was _scared_.

I slip my bare feet into a worn pair of black Chucks and pause at my door. I should probably put pants on instead of going outside in the stolen pair of basketball shorts from Edward's closet. I look down and cringe from embarrassment when I realize I also have one of his shirts on, too. Can I be any more pathetic?

Fuck it. I head downstairs.

Dad is way past the point of deep sleep and well into coma territory—he's always that way after annihilating a twelve-pack. I don't have to worry about watching my steps, but I do anyway just in case. At the door, I grab my coat, and when I shut the door behind me and the cold hits me, I dart out across the lawn and jump into Edward's car.

"Holy fuck, it's cold!" I shiver inside the warm shell of his Impala.

He says nothing and takes off down the street to flip a bitch and head toward La Push. I strap myself in and then pause and turn to him curiously.

"Where are we going?" My eyes take him in and assess him from head to toe. "Oh, God," I gasp as my hand flies to my mouth, "what did you do?"

He's been in a fight—a bad one. His lip is bleeding, his brow is cut, and he has the makings of a black eye forming on his right side. My chest restricts and I wonder what he's done to Royce. He's just barely able to go back to school and now this?

"Where is Royce?" I gulp.

Edward chuckles, "Wow. I didn't know you cared so much."

"He's hurt, Edward. It's not a fair fight and you know it." I scoot closer to get a better look at his injuries. "I can't believe you." I dig in my pockets for anything to use to wipe his face with.

"Don't." He turns way from my prying hands.

"Pull over," I snap at him. "_Now, Edward!" _I shout loud enough to make him screech to a stop on the side of the road.

He slams the car into _park _and then jumps outside to pace back and forth, muttering under his breath and ramming his hands into his hair. I follow him outside from his side of the car and join him in front of the hood.

"Tell me what happened!" I grab his hoodie to make him look at me.

"I didn't fight with Royce, it was someone else!" he roars into my face. "You happy now?"

"No." I shake my head. "No, I'm not happy. What did you do, Edward?" Fear seizes me in its dark clutches. "What did you do? Look at me, goddamn it!" I cry and grab either side of his face. "What did you do?"

He attacks me—his mouth on mine, his tongue between my teeth, his hands inside of my coat then up my shirt and pawing at my tits. I gasp and it quickly turns into a deep moan. I pull him to me; he lifts me up so that I'm seated on the hood and peels my coat from my shoulders. The car is warm beneath me, so I don't mind so much when it's gone. Hot, searing kisses, he bites my shoulder hard and I whimper lustfully. My hands snake up the back of his shirt and scratch down his spine, flesh bunching between my fingers.

"Lay back," he pants into my neck.

"What?" I ask breathless.

He doesn't repeat himself, he pushes me flat on my back and rips the shorts and panties down to my knees, just enough to get to where I'm warmest. I shiver from the cold and he covers me with his body.

"I'll tell you everything," he grunts. "I swear it, baby. I'll tell you anything you want to know, you've been so patient with me." His fingers go straight to my pussy and slide up and down my slit achingly slow. "But I'm just so fucking pissed off, and I want you, I need you, and—fuck, you're so wet, Bella. You're always ready for me, aren't you, baby?"

I nod and rub myself against his fingers. "Yes," I whine with shaky arms and legs.

"I'm not mad at you," he tells me, "I was never mad at you. I'm sorry I left, I just had to get out of there before I did or said something I shouldn't have." I hear his zipper pull down and I hit the back of my head against the car, impatiently waiting for his cock.

"Edward, stop talking." I quiver under him and reach between us to pull him free from his pants. He's warm and hard in my hand, thick velvet in my palm. I fist around him and slide my fingers up and down his shaft, caressing what's mine. "This is mine," I reply. "Say it." I slide his tip up and down my slit.

"Fuck, yes," he groans and presses himself into my hand, "every part of me, Bella. You own me, you always have."

I moan from the intense feeling of his length rubbing up and down between my pussy lips, and the tip of him teases my clit toward oblivion. His breath is hot and comes from deep within the back of his throat. He's slick with my wetness and I want him inside me, but I want to tease him more.

I raise my head so that I can bite onto his earlobe and whisper, "Fuck me, then. I want to be yours, too."

He groans and buries his face into my neck, licking and sucking my skin feverously. His hands are cold as they move up and down my sides beneath my shirt, but I'm so hot inside that I don't care. It feels like a quick stimulant, and for some reason, it hits me in the pit of my stomach and makes me clench my thighs around Edward's jean covered hips.

"I fucking love when you get all dirty and bossy like that," he chuckles against my throat.

"Then, you're gonna love this, too," I giggle and guide him between my lips, and he rams into me with one deep thrust. I gasp and tighten around him, stretching and adjusting—I love that part, especially when he's frantic and rough, I feel desirable and irresistible, as if I'm a succubus and he's _my _victim to seduce and to control. His open mouth is on my neck, biting my chin, licking my throat. He's a starving man lost in a desert, searching the land for sustenance. I am that desert. I am his sustenance. I want to be everything, and in this moment… I am.

His thrusts are fast and hard and my back against the hood will leave me sore come tomorrow. I pull his lips to mine and when we kiss, he immediately shoves his tongue inside and devours me. His left hand grabs my ass as his right does the same with my breasts. Then, all at once, his palms fly up to shove my shirt up over my tits and his fingertips are like ice against my nipples, they harden under his touch almost painfully so. I arch my chest and expose my throat. The tip of his nose is chilly as it drags down the side of my neck and to the hallow of my collarbone. I shiver and he pulls me to him for warmth, his arms circle around my middle as I wiggle and whine and cry and pant when he uses this new position as leverage to pound into me. My hands fist in his hair and I clench my thighs and contract my muscles around him so that he'll moan and bury his face into my chest with shuddery breaths.

We're so lost in each other that we don't even notice the first car fly past us until it honks and someone shouts out an encouraging praise. That's when I lock up and Edward pulls back to look around us before yanking me up against his chest with my arms around his neck and his hands on my ass. He quickly shuffles to the passenger side—because his pants are down at his ankles and my shorts are still around mine—so if he doesn't move his ass, we're going to fall. I laugh, and he does, too, and then I'm thrown into the backseat and he's crawling in after me.

"Hold on." He sits on the seat and runs his hands up and down his thighs before he starts to remove his shoes and jeans. I do the same and rip my shirt over my head, as well. I shiver and pull him back to me for warmth.

My fingers run up his hoodie and I start to push it up his chest until he tears it off himself and yanks me closer to him by my hips. I yelp in surprise and he grins while running his now warm hands up my thighs and all the way to my chest, where he not so delicately kneads my highly aroused tits.

My God. It's like they only come alive when he's around, the little whores. I burn beneath him like hot coals and he feeds my heat with his desire.

"Oh, fuck," I curse out loud when Edward starts to tease me with the length of his fuck pistol. I have so many crude and rude names for his cock. I love each and every one of them. He does, too. Like before, on the hood of the car, his tip teases my clit. I tremble because it feels so fucking good when he does that. I shake so hard that when I moan, it's broken up and sounds more like a cry.

"I'm so pissed at you for not telling me," he groans, and I can see his face tighten, and feel his arm muscles bunch while his abs clench from the strength it's taking him not to fuck me blind. "You should have told me, Bella."

My hips start to move on their own, sliding my pelvis against his, the delicious friction causing me to throw my head back in ecstasy. My hands reach for him, but he's still upright on his knees in front of me. I grab his iron rod—his monster cock—and glide my hands up and down with my thumbs applying just the right amount of pressure. His hands clench around my waist, and without warning, he slams his hips into me.

"I don't want to talk about that right now," I moan.

I'm jerked forward by my wrists and then I'm flush against his chest. My nipples pebble from the friction and my hands go straight to his hair, tangling themselves within it and pulling. His hands are hot and greedy, and his dick is pressed between our bodies. I wither against it while kissing him with a passion rivaling my desire for his cock, unable to determine what I want more: his hands everywhere, his mouth everywhere, or his dick thrusting up between my thighs.

He moves so that he's seated in the center of the backseat with me straddling his lap. I waste no time and take him in my hand before slowly guiding him back inside of me. I whimper as my body trembles over him. My heart beats madly as his lips trail down my collarbone to my breasts. I hug him to me and roll my hips over him hard and strong a few times while both of us gasp and pant for air. His hands grip my waist to control my rhythm over him, guiding me up and down his cock harder and faster until the windows fog and I can't handle it.

"Please don't ever leave like that again," I find myself begging him and trying to slow down his thrusts. "Promise me, Edward."

He kisses my neck with plush lips and I hear a_ pop_ when he pulls away. "I promise," he whispers under my chin. His nose nuzzles me and I drop my gaze into his serious green irises. "Promise never to keep things from me again."

I lift and lower and nod my head. I can't comprehend much of anything except how good it feels to have him all up in me, continuously hitting that sweet spot inside me that makes me stutter and forget how to breathe, because it feels so good that I think I might fucking pass out and, all I see are the little bright dots that look like stars. I know I'm close to losing it because my body is trembling so hard that I have to dig my nails into Edward's shoulders to keep from skyrocketing through the roof.

For some reason, this causes his jaw to clench, and then his hands are at my waist, hauling me up and down on his cock at a breakneck speed. It's like he's mad again, and gone are the soft touches and slow kisses, and now he's rough and hard and angry.

It's so fucking hot.

My hands continue to grip his shoulders for balance, my head is thrown back with my chest arching up into the air, and I can't stop the embarrassing animal sounds coming out of my mouth. I don't even care anymore. Flesh against flesh, body heat and foggy windows, it's so incredibly erotic.

He starts to lift his hips from the seat to slam into me harder and my hands fly out to grab onto anything else for leverage. One goes to the window frame on my right, a sweaty palm sliding down the cool glass, while the other grabs hold of the seat behind Edward's head. My mouth is open, but no sound comes out except the small, pathetic squeaks I'm unable to control. My tits feel heavier than usual as they bounce and jiggle like fucking Jello. In fact, my entire body feels like Jello, but in a good way—the best way.

"Edward," I cry out the first warning of my looming orgasm when my walls start to clench and spasm around his cock like a ripple of electricity shooting straight to that certain spot inside of me that only he can trigger.

His thumb is at my clit in seconds, rubbing in fast, small circles until I'm hugging his face to my chest and squeezing my thighs around his hips, and he's pumping in and out of me harder and harder.

"Fuck," he groans, and I feel his body tremble beneath me, "I'm gonna…" His grip tightens and then he rams up into me to the point where I wonder exactly how much further until he's in my stomach.

My fingernails scrape his scalp and I bite down onto his shoulder to hold back my screams of fruition while he does the same to me. I feel like my entire body explodes, and from the sounds Edward makes, I wonder if both of us did. Sweat glistens over our skin as we struggle for breath and cling to each other as if we'll be wrenched apart otherwise.

I want to tell him I love him. But what if it's just the amazing orgasm talking? No, it's not. I know it's not. But that doesn't mean I'm not scared out of my mind with the fear that if I say it, he'll run.

I pull back an inch to look into his eyes, searching for something I hope is there. He lifts a hand to push aside the hair from my face. I turn my head to press my lips to his hand and then I bring my fingers up to trace his mouth.

"Do you love me?" I ask and then gasp with wide eyes when I realize what I just asked.

Edward freezes, his entire body solid as stone.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out immediately after. "I didn't… never mind." I turn my face away to stare out of the smudge in the fogged up window my hand had wiped clean earlier.

I hate how quiet it is. I hate that he didn't say yes. That he didn't jump at the chance to tell me he loves me, because I want to desperately to tell him I love him. I want to scream it at the top of my lungs for some reason. I have never been as certain as I am in this exact minute of how I feel about Edward Cullen.

And yet… it's so obvious that I am the only one who feels this.

I gulp a lump of fear down my throat and start to pull my body away from his. I can feel my eyes tearing up—my nose tingling, my throat swelling—I'm going to cry. I am so _stupid_. Why couldn't I have kept my big fat mouth shut? What is wrong with me? On what planet was _this _the right time to bring this topic up between us?

"Don't." He grabs me above the elbows to stop me from moving away from him. "Bella, look at me."

I shake my head and clench my eyes shut. I try to take deep breaths to calm myself down. I will not cry. I will not cry. _I_ _will not cry. _

"Baby, please." He takes my chin in his hand and moves my face toward his. His nose nuzzles me, and then his forehead leans forward to touch mine. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

I feel my chest being sucked inside out at his words. I shake my head so he'll stop, because I don't want to hear him apologize for not feeling the same as I do. I curse my stupid mouth and its lack of a working filter.

"Baby, please look at me?" he pleads and presses a soft kiss to my lips. "_Bella_." He shakes me firmly.

My eyes open slowly.

"I really don't think you understand exactly how much you mean to me," he explains with soft eyes and gentle hands that cradle my face.

"Then say it," I blubber with a trembling lower lip.

He smirks playfully. "Ladies first."

I blink in pure shock. "What?"

He leans in and kisses me softly, once, twice, then he deepens the kiss while his right hand caresses my back and the other curves around to feather his fingers down my stomach to between my legs so that I'm breathless and pumped up for round two. His tongue caresses mine into submission as his hands touch me in a way that makes me feel precious and delicate.

His lips touch my cheeks, my eyelids, and then he moves to my ear. "I _adore_ you, Isabella Swan. For a very, very long time, I've waited to tell you how much I do. I want you to _know_ how special you are, but words aren't shit, Bella. I've heard them over and over again from someone who would never have done what they did if what they'd said was true."

I swallow my surprise as I realize what he's saying.

I shiver as his scruffy chin rubs against my cheek—all the places where his unshaven jaw has touched me tingle blissfully. My lips are red and swollen from his passionate kisses during our intense make-up sex. I can still feel the small aftershocks sprint throughout my body and shoot electric bolts of desire down to my lady bits. Instinctively, I start to rub myself against his cock until it begins to harden once again.

"So, I'll show you. I'm sorry I left you earlier, I… I had to get out of there before I lost my control," he says, his eyes staring into mine, hoping for understanding and forgiveness.

"It hurt so bad to watch you go." I press my forehead to the spot below his ear. "I knew you'd be back, though. But I didn't know when, or if it would be to tell me you were done with me."

He curses under his breath and then nudges me to look at him. "I will never be done with you."

I sigh. "You say that, but—"

His hands grip my hips firmly. "I will _never _be done with you," he says again more determinedly.

"Then, tell me you love me." I bend my mouth to his, my lips hovering so close I breathe his breath. "They may be just words to you, but they mean everything to me. If you mean what you say, then—"

He captures my mouth with his. A frenzied, hurried kiss that he tries to distract me with so that I can't see how scared he is, or how much he trembles beneath me, or how fast his heart beats and how shallow his breaths are. But I notice all of them, even his sweaty palms and his pinched brow. I don't know what he's so scared of, but I tell myself I'll wait—for a little while.

One of his hands rubs up and down my back and I feel a tingle start in my lower belly. It grows with every caress of his hand, every pass of his lips over my shoulder, every nip from his teeth on my skin. My hips roll, pressing my dripping pussy against his awakened cock.

"Edward," I whisper into his ear, "take me again."

This time, he sets my hands on the back of the front seat and takes me from behind—his chest against my back, his hands over mine, his breath at my spine—its divine. It's intense and intimate because his fingers link with mine and I push back against him and moan in only a way he can make me—a deep, keening cry from the back of my throat that comes out in a whimper and ends with a loud shout of his name. Desire coils within me like a wisp of smoke curling into the air from the burning end of a blunt. Having sex with Edward is so fucking incredible that I can't feel anything but how he makes my pussy clench and throb like an extension of our shared, beating heart. I can feel him inside of me, feel every part of him sliding inside and pulling out, causing havoc throughout my entire nervous system.

"C'mere," he says right before I'm hauled backward so that his back hits the seat and my spine aligns with his chest. His mouth is at my ear, his hands move up to grip my tits firmly between his fingers as I raise my own hands to cover his, and then he pulls one hand away, taking mine with it, to press against our joined sexes. "That's me inside you, baby," he whispers to me, hot breath fanning down my shoulder and tickling my nipples.

I nod and turn my head toward his mouth, so that he'll kiss me while his fingers tease my clit, and I reach down to grip his balls between mine. He hisses and bites down onto my lip fiercely, a groan escaping his throat and turning me on like a light—I shine bright, blindly bright. I clench my eyes and roll my hips against him, loving that quick zing I feel tighten within my abdomen when I do so. I do it again, and then one of Edward's hands slides up from my pussy to press his palm over my stomach and glide its way up to my throat where he gently pulls me closer to him with his hand around my neck and his thumb at my jaw.

I'm seconds away from going out with a bang. His grip on my throat tightens only a fraction and it stirs me on like an aphrodisiac. Holy shit, I'm getting into some kinky stuff. I love it. I love him. I cry out without purpose other than to release a moan of excitement, and then I feel his teeth nipping my earlobe and his breath is fast and hot, and then he says, "Don't come yet."

Fuck, that's going to be hard, baby. I'm about to blast off from your monster missile of a dick.

I struggle to hold on, to keep from coming, to do as he says. His cock pulsates inside of me and I whimper as my throbbing walls clamp around him to heighten the sensation, and then he's whispering in my ear again, but I don't hear anything except for, "I love you, Bella. I fucking love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in my entire existence. Come for me."

His free hand clenches at my hip and I come so hard I wonder if my scream shatters the windows.

Holy fuck, I think I died.

-x-

_You don't know what's in store  
>But you know what you're here for<br>Close your eyes  
>Lay yourself beside me<br>Hold tight for this ride  
>We don't need no protection<br>Come alone  
>We don't need attention<em>

_Open your hand  
>Take a glass<br>Don't be scared  
>I'm right here<br>Even though you don't roll  
><strong>Trust me girl<strong>  
><strong>You wanna be high for this<strong>_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _High for This by The Weeknd_.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teasers for this fic, you might want to check out my twitter/tumblr.

I will also answer any questions you might have for TSB on my tumblr—unless you're being an ass about it. Please don't bitch at me to update in a demanding way. It makes me feel like you don't give a flying fuck about what I have going on in my life or how hard I try to get these chapters out. Thank you to all who respect that it takes time and I'm doing the best I can.

TK's FIC REC: _Martial Bitch by Jillian Landers. __OMG it's so good! Thank you DarlingSaila for recommending this fic and introducing me to Southieward! *drools* _

**NEXT WEEK'S UPDATE: Will arrive on schedule—next year (lol). Friday, PST. **

**Happy New Year:** I stress that you all be very safe during the holiday. I know we all plan to get drunk off awesome tasting pomegranate margaritas with that sugary rock shit around the rim—but PLEASE drive safely. Take a cab, or designate a sober driver (this does not mean the person in your group who is the most sober). Okay, I'll stop sounding like a mom now. Haha.

**SEE YA NEXT YEAR, BITCHES! (*KISS*)**


	26. A Damning Confession

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I'd totally let Rob motorboat my whorish tits until his hearts content. Bella's got nothing on these.

SHOUT OUTS—_**Jess:**__ Love you.__**DarlingSaila**__: My magic Beta Fish. I am so glad we met through Words With Friends because now we are friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale. LOL love you. Thanks for everything that you do because I know I suck at turning in my chapters on time. __**EVERYONE:**__ Thanks for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you're all amazing. I wish I had more time to thank you all individually, I do try to respond to as many reviews as I can at a time. I will try to get to you if I haven't already. ;)_

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ you get escorted out of an airport, oh, and your car was towed.

Ch. 26: _A Damning Confession_

My body is sore, but it's the good kind. The kind that makes you smile because you know why your leg muscles are tight and your poor lady bits are aching. The red splotches at my shoulders, pelvis, and even the insides of my thighs are from Edward's rough and unshaved chin, or his overeager mouth and teeth. I never thought the term 'love bite' could actually have a purpose outside of a joke.

I roll over onto my back in bed and stare at my ceiling.

_I love you, Bella. I fucking love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in my entire existence._

He said it. I still can't believe he said it. Excited all over again, I kick my arms and legs out to squeal and flail about on my bed. I can't wipe this grin from my face! Every time I try, I start giggling and smiling all over again. I'm such a dork. But I'm a happy dork in _love_. I want to hear him say it again. I made him say it so many times last night that it started to sound funny. You know, like when you say a word over and over again until it starts to sound really weird, and then you wonder how language is made up. Who decided that love would mean love? What if it was mud?

I fly up in bed. "I need to call Edward," I say out loud and scramble out from under the covers to grab my phone. But when I reach on my nightstand, it's not there. What the hell? Where is it?

"Dad!" I scream and rush out my bedroom door to skip steps down the stairs. "Dad! Where's my phone? Da—" I almost run right into him when I get to the bottom. "Oh! You scared me!" I gasp and clutch my chest. "Wear a bell next time, Dad! God!" I lean against his arm and fight to catch my breath.

Dad chuckles, "Don't need one, I got you…" He smashes his lips together to hold back a laugh. "I got you—" He shakes me "—_Bells_."

I stare at him. "Are you on something?" I tilt my head and then wave my hand in the air to erase what I've just said. "Whatever. Uh, have you seen my phone?"

"_This _phone?" He holds my iPhone between two fingers and dangles it in my face.

My eyes widen and I jump for it just as he yanks it up over my head and out of reach. "Dad!" I hop like a bunny while trying to grab my phone. "Dad, knock it off! Stop!"

He thinks this is the most hilarious thing. "I'm not doing anything. You're the little jumping bean."

"Dad! I will put one of these in your gut!" I shake a fist at him until he finally drops the device into my hands and then backs away with his hands in the air. I stick my tongue out at him and run back up to my room so that I can call Edward. But when I unlock my screen, I'm assaulted with tons of different notifications. Missed calls. Text messages. Voicemails.

All of them are from Rosalie.

_**WHERE ARE YOU?**_

_**CALL ME!**_

_**ANSWER YOUR PHONE!**_

The voicemails are not very different. At least, not until around nine this morning when her voice took on a panicked tone:

"_Bella, call me. This is really serious. My mom is here._"

I'm up and out the door immediately after hearing that. It's past noon now, and I feel horrible that it's taken me this long to finally get her messages. I break all kinds of laws on my way to her house. She's not answering her phone, or my return messages, and that worries me very much. I feel such guilt for ditching her last night without much explanation, and now I find out that I've failed to be there when she needed me most.

I practically screech to a stop in her driveway and jump out my car like a stuntman. My shoes squish against the ice clumps leading up to her front door. I ring the doorbell before I start rudely pounding on the damn thing. Now is not the time for manners. _Fuck _manners. Shit just got real.

When the door is finally answered, I frown because it's not Rosalie. It's Glory. She has her usual black pants, white dress shirt, and chip on her shoulder, but her expression is different. There is no distain, no judgment, no condescending remark about my rowdy upbringing. Instead, I see concern and real worry.

"Where's Rose?" I ask immediately.

Glory sighs in exasperation. "Ms. Hale is with Mrs. Hale… headed toward Seattle."

"W-what?" I choke with wide eyes. "Excuse me? You can't be serious." I gasp for air. "Why Seattle? Why the fuck are you looking at me like that? What happened?"

Today is full of surprises. Usually, this is the part where Glory tells me to kick rocks. It's always something like this: (rolls eyes) "Ms. Hale is waiting for you upstairs, do try not to break or steal anything on your way there." However, today she steps forward with a grimace and gives me an actual, honest to god answer.

"Mrs. Hale returned home early this morning and instructed Ms. Hale to pack a bag. After much arguing, they left the house together around one hour ago." Her grim face does not ease my nerves.

"To where?" I grasp for straws. "Where is she going? Shit, Gloria, _please. _She's my best friend," I beg.

Glory seems disappointed at my question. "I think you already know, Ms. Swan."

I gulp.

"Mrs. Hale had me check them in online for Flight 817 from Sea-Tac Airport to West Houston Airport near Harris County." She pauses. "Mrs. Hale has a sister who lives in Piney Point Village. Their flight leaves at three. 3 p.m."

I don't wait another second before jumping back into my car and taking off for Seattle.

-x-

**Facebook Status: **

**Alice Brandon**_ is no longer speaking to Edward Anthony Cullen. _

Comments:

**Royce King **a bit dramatic, don't you think, Al?

**Jacob Black **she wouldn't be Alice if she wasn't.

**Leah Clearwater **fuck him and that slut—MOVE ON, ALICE! You're better than both of them.

**Seth Clearwater** I do so hope you are not referring to my future wife (your future sister-in-law).

**Leah Clearwater **she's slutty enough to hook up with you, but I will die before I let that happen.

**Royce King **watch your mouth, Leah.

**Leah Clearwater **fuck you, Royce.

**Jacob Black **knock it off, Leah! You don't know what happened.

**Royce King **yeah, Leah, STFU.

**Jacob Black** I don't think Cullen would like hearing you say shit like that. And I have no problem showing it to him either.

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Between _**Leah Clearwater** _and _**Alice Brandon**

**Leah Clearwater** tell me again what happened last night?

**Alice Brandon **I told you like five times already.

**Alice Brandon **That bitch told him not to be friends with me anymore.

**Leah Clearwater** WHAT? That's not what you told me!

**Alice Brandon **in a nutshell, Leah! I know she's behind this. Edward would never talk to me like that. God, she's such a slut. I don't even want to know the disgusting things she does in order to get him to kiss her ass like he does.

**Alice Brandon **I just wanted to hang out with him and he kept trying to push me out the door. So I grabbed his phone and put it in my bra, then I took his car keys and hid them in my pants—we totally play around like that all the time! But then he, like, BLEW UP at me!

**Leah Clearwater** You need to cut ties with that loser, Alice. What about Jasper?

**Alice Brandon **what ABOUT him? We're friends.

**Leah Clearwater** you want to get Edward to wake up? Stop making yourself so available. Start seeing Jasper, it will make him super jealous.

**Alice Brandon **you think?

**Leah Clearwater** yes.

**Alice Brandon **hmmmm.

**Leah Clearwater** plus, it doesn't hurt that he's a total hottie. Best way to get over someone is to get UNDER someone else!

**Alice Brandon **I'm not Bella.

**Leah Clearwater **good point.

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Between _**Royce King** _and _**E. Cullen**

**Royce King **you and Bella cool yet?

**E. Cullen **we're good.

**Royce King **did you go to Alec's?

**E. Cullen **what do you think?

**Royce King **Damn it, Edward!

**E. Cullen **what did you expect? Whether you told me then or now makes no difference. He set you up, and you're fucking mental if you think I'd ever let that go.

**Royce King **Alec is in business with Aro. If/when Aro finds out what you did…

**E. Cullen **we'll deal with that shit later. For now, I just want to fucking enjoy some time with Bella for as long as I can before I piss her off again.

**Royce King **you're fucking hopeless.

**E. Cullen **you act like that's new. Let's blow some trees, pick you up in 10?

**Royce King **20. I don't wanna make Sam watch the kids again. Let me call a sitter.

**E. Cullen **you mean Seth?

**Royce King **that gf of yours is a genius. He's a cheap babysitter. All I gotta do is give him 20 bucks and a promise to send him a picture of Bella's ass and he'll watch the kids for however long I want.

**E. Cullen **that better be a joke or I'll break both of your faces.

**Royce King **chill-chill. I don't really take the picture.

**E. Cullen **I wonder what Bella would think about this deal you two have.

**Royce King **is it weird that I'm more scared of her than I am of you?

**E. Cullen **nope.

**E. Cullen **but you do know that once your ribs are healed, I'm going to knock you flat on your ass for what you did, right?

**Royce King **I have an idea. Why don't we hot box the impala, and then afterward, I'll give you a free shot.

**E. Cullen** don't be a bitch, King. Take it like a man and STFU. You knew better.

**E. Cullen** You also know that had it been anyone else who did what you did, they would be six feet underground right now.

**Royce King** yeah

**Royce King** I know.

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Wall Post: to _**Rosalie Hale**_ from _**Emmett McCarty**

**Emmett McCarty** where are you? Are you still mad because I said your belly was like a hot air balloon?

**Jasper Whitlock **you're a dumbass, Em

**Emmett McCarty **she ASKED me!

**Jasper Whitlock **Rose, I apologize for whatever may have exited this boy's mouth. He was dropped on his head as a child—and several times during football practice.

**Emmett McCarty **this is true.

-x-

It's like I can't drive fast enough, or that every person on the God damned planet has decided to box me in. I honk and pass a startled old lady on my left who gives me one hell of a death glare—that look could turn me into stone if she really wanted, I bet—but it doesn't matter, because its 2:17 p.m. and Rose's plane takes off at three. I call her again.

I'm freaking out. She's not answering her phone. What if she's already gone? What if I'm too late? What if I don't make it in time and she leaves thinking I don't care? I try again to call her—no answer. Why the fuck won't my hands stop shaking? Maybe I should call Edward? No, I don't want to involve him. He might tell Royce, and I'm not sure what his reaction would be to Rosalie leaving with his bun in her oven. Hell, I don't even know what _I'm _going to do. I feel helpless!

The airport is a mess of traffic. Why the hell are there so many damn people here? Don't they have anything better to do? Crowds annoy me, especially when they're in my fucking way. I only have twenty minutes until takeoff. I'm so nervous I think I might be sick. With no time to waste, I skid to a stop in the drop-off zone. Eighteen minutes…

"Miss? Miss! You can't park here!" Security barks at me as I fly right past one of the guards.

"Then tow it!" I scream over my shoulder, calling him a _dick _inside my head as I rush through the sliding glass doors. I'll probably regret that later—I know I will—but I have sixteen minutes left. I run as fast as my Converse will allow and get stopped at bag check. Apparently, people don't like to be shoved out of the way and cut in line. Or told to get out of my fucking way before I go Kerouac on their asses. Go figure. But what ultimately stops me is the fact that I have no ticket.

I try telling my story to the two—shit, here comes number three—security guards, but they couldn't seriously care less. It's beyond frustrating to be so close and yet so far. When I start to cry like a little bitch, they begin to push me toward the exit.

"Please, Miss," one of them—a tall guy with soft brown hair—says, "I really don't want to have to cuff you. I'd really rather not, okay? Please just leave," he pleads with sympathetic eyes.

Seven minutes…

I slump away, dragging my sorry ass back to the drop-off area. I need a giant L tattooed across my forehead for "Loser." I'm a walking _fail_ poster in the making. I'll be reblogged across Tumblr as the pathetic idiot who was kicked out of an airport for crying and begging like a complete joke. So, I'm feeling sorry for myself and I'm a few feet away from the doors when my phone rings. It's Rosalie.

"Bella?" Her whimper makes my chest hurt.

One word and I'm done for.

"Rose?" I blubber like I'm stuck in a glass case of emotion. "I'm so fucking happy you called. What the hell going on? I went to your house, but Glory said your mom brought you here?"

"Wait," she gasps. "You're here?" she asks, hopeful.

I draw back at her surprised tone. "Of course I am!" I shout incredulously. "Are you serious? You're my best friend, Rosalie!"

She sniffles. "And you're mine."

"_Rosalie, they're boarding. Get back in line, young lady." _Mrs. Hale is heard in the background.

"I have to go," Rose whispers.

I start to panic. "Go where? What's happening?"

"My mom doesn't want me making a fool of the family. My dad wants to run for Governor next year and I'm screwing everything up. I'm going to stay with my Aunt Tracy in Texas until the baby…" She starts to cry. "Until the baby is born, and then I have to put it up for adoption… I don't want to do that, Bella!" she whisper-shouts.

I clench my fists together, determined to set things right. "You won't. You don't _have_ to go, Rose. This is bullshit. You have rights," I remind her.

"No," she sobs, "I don't have a choice. Second to Royce, I'd be the worst parent this baby could ever have."

I snort in complete disgust. "Who told you that? Your mom? Like _she_ has room to talk!"

"I wish you were here with me." Rosalie's service crackles and I worry that I've lost her.

"You don't have to go. Just walk out. Fuck her, Rose! You can stay with me, we'll figure this out together!" I shout, hoping she's still on the line.

I hear a bitter scoff on her end. "She's got all her corners covered, Bell. She said she'd show how unfit I was as a mother. She'll disinherit me and—"

"Screw. Her. Rose!" I interrupt angrily. "Your dad would never allow that. He's negligent, but he's not an evil cunt like she is."

"Mom made things very clear for me. He's not to find out about this." She sighs and I hate myself for not being there for her. "She'll make my life worse if I spill a word of this to him."

"I swear on everything, Rosalie, your mom is the biggest bitch to walk this planet." I clench my phone in my hand. "Don't let her win."

"_Rose, now!"_ her mom shouts.

"She already has," Rose whispers. "I have to go."

"Rose, please," I plead with her to stay on the line. "Don't go. We'll figure something out. You can stay with me. You have options."

But I know just as well as she does that the decision has been made. "I'll call you when I'm settled," she says in resolve.

I can't fathom that she's actually going to leave. My body starts to shake in fright. Who the hell am I without Rose? She's my best friend, my other half. She answers the questions I'm too chickenshit to answer myself. I'm the one who is supposed to make midnight runs to the store for ice cream with pickles. I'm the one who is supposed to plan her baby shower, and kick anyone's ass who talks shit about her behind her back.

"Rose." I try once more to get her to see reason. "You don't have—"

"Bye, Bella," she says before hanging up.

_Click_.

-x-

I understand that ditching my car in front of the airport was wrong. I'll even admit that I most likely deserved to be towed—okay, my bad—but _this _bastard of a security guard does not need to keep leering and laughing at me. Seriously, he's taking his gloating too far. If he says, "Dude, where's your car?" to me one more fucking time, I am going to kickbox his testicles.

He also won't tell me _where _my car has been towed. Edward tells me not to worry; he'll take care of it. I'm on speakerphone, so Royce—who is in the car with Edward—tells me not to worry, as well. So, in that respect, I'm not worried about my car. _Now _I'm worried about what the hell Edward and Royce plan to do in order to get my car back. They both sound so sure of themselves. I wish I had that confidence, but every ounce of energy I have left is being used to not burst into tears.

It's bad enough to cry in front of Edward, but _Royce?_ No-fucking-way. I'll swing around a stripper pole and give Tony Soprano a lap dance before I let that happen. Despite the fact that Royce heard me cry over the phone earlier, I cannot allow him to _see _it happen live and in person.

It feels like forever—it _is _forever—before I finally see Edward's Impala. I cannot accurately express the amount of relief I feel when I hear the distinct roar of his engine. It's a sound I can literally feel in my bones. I shiver in reflex and step forward but quickly jump back when he skids his tires purposely and scares the shit out of everyone within hearing distance. I gape as he deliberately parks in the drop-off zone of the airport, even going so far as to push up onto the curbside. He then kills the engine and steps outside his vehicle as if he hasn't a single care in the world. Royce's liquid movements carry the same air of arrogance, as well. They look dangerous, and insanely hot—especially my Edward.

"What are you doing?" I ask in regards to the crazy parking job and rush over to jump into Edward's waiting arms. "Never mind, I'm so glad you're here." I lift my face up to his so that he leans down to press his lips to mine.

"So, where's the asshole?" Royce asks as I slowly pull away from Edward's mouth.

Looking over Royce's shoulder, I see said "asshole" making his way over. "Hey, no park—oh, it's _you _again. Miss High and Mighty, who thinks this is a valet service," he sneers.

Royce takes one look at him and laughs. "You're fucking kidding me, right?" he says eyeing the five foot nothing balding man with a pot belly.

"Nope," I sigh and tighten my arms around Edward's waist.

"I got this," Royce chuckles while he and Edward exchange looks until Edward nods his head and they break eye contact. Royce sends me a reassuring wink and wraps an arm around the guard's shoulders, steering him away.

"C'mon," Edward replies softly and opens the driver's side door for me to scoot inside. "You okay?" he asks once he's shut us inside the car. Turning my face back and forth with his hand at my chin, he looks me over as if my emotional pain is somehow physically visible.

"She's gone." My face crumbles, making me bury myself into Edward's chest.

He's knows who I'm talking about. I blubbered everything that happened this afternoon to Edward through tears and snot. Royce heard the entire exchange and has kept silent about it so far. But right now it's just Edward and me, and I just need someone to be there for me while I try to figure my shit out. Maybe even cry a little more.

I can't believe Rosalie got on that plane, I can't believe she actually left. Who the hell is she? _My _Rosalie would have told her mother to suck it.

"I know," Edward whispers into my hair and rubs a hand down my spine. "We'll get her back."

"How?" I wipe a hand across my eyes. "It's like her mom has her under some sort of spell or something. She's acting like her mom is the law, it's ridiculous!"

The door on my right opens and Royce slips inside quickly, a bit out of breath. I'm now squished in the middle of the front seat.

"Everything good?" Edward asks with a slight raise of his brow.

Royce smirks and holds up a folded yellow piece of paper between two fingers. "Yup."

"Took a while," Edward teases as he starts up the car.

Another smirk takes over Royce's handsome face. "I may or may not have physically extracted what I needed from the guy." He shrugs.

"Was it necessary?" Edward chuckles.

The smirk turns into a full-out grin. "Nope," Royce answers while flexing his right hand in and out of a fist. "Told you not to worry, doll," he says to me.

I lean my head against Edward's shoulder and give Royce a small, appreciative smile. "Yes, I know. Thanks."

He tips his head and then stares out his side window. "Here." He holds out the piece of paper and I reach for it, only to be intercepted by Edward's fast hand.

"You know where this is?" he asks without turning his head to look at Royce.

"Yeah," Royce sighs, "it's not too far from here."

"How you feelin'?" Edward's tone is bland, but I know him well enough to sense the touch of worry in it.

Royce nods. "My side's feeling good, and I'm definitely not high anymore. I can drive Bella's car home."

I blink at Royce. "Drive my car home?" I snort. "Yeah, right."

"Chill," he replies with a grimace. "You need time to sit and deal with what's just happened. I do, too. You got Edward, I got a four-hour drive alone to sort some shit out. I need this, Bella. It's beneficial to the both of us."

I gulp, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I forget that this affects you, too."

He runs his fingers through his hair and stares out his window without replying. I feel bad for him; I know he was hoping that someday Rose would come around. I think he still loves her—no, I _know _he still does. I can tell by the tenseness in his jaw and the way he repeatedly clenches his fists and fidgets with his phone.

"Have you snorted anything in the past week, Roy?" I ask out of fucking nowhere. I swear to Buddah, the words just flew past my lips without permission or warning. I gasp in reaction and cover my mouth with wide, regretful eyes.

Royce snorts at his reflection and Edward tightens his grip on my leg to an almost painful point. I've come to learn that when it comes to Royce, Edward could quite possibly think the sun shines out his ass. I can't believe I ever thought Alice was actually his best friend. She's a _good _friend—she's his "sister" friend—but she doesn't even touch the closeness that Edward and Royce have. Not by a long shot.

"I'm sorry," I add with a grimace. "I shouldn't have asked you that. Especially not right now, after everything that's happened. But, you see, I have this word vomit disease where I blurt random things out without thinking first. It happens all the time. In fact…" I gulp. "It's happening right now."

"Relax, baby." Edward's hoarse voice draws my attention to his mouth. "It's fine. You both got some things going on inside your heads. So, you don't have to say anything, okay? I'll drive, and you'll just sit right here next me."

The hand that was on my leg moves to change gears so that he can fly through a yellow light a nano of a second before it flashes red. I watch the way the muscles in his arm bunch up and flex when he tugs on the gearshift after popping the clutch. It actually makes me really, really hot. It makes him look strong and manly, and I want to be wrapped up in those muscular limbs. His hands are even better—_Oh, Lawd!_ I need to cool it.

The place my car has been towed to is crowded with people. It's like I've stepped into an episode of Parking Wars on A&E. I'm not even sure if I'll have my car back in time before dinner. I'll have to call my dad, and I don't know what I'm going to say because I don't want to go home. It's not like I can just call him up and say, "Hey, Dad, I've had a shitty day. I'm gonna stay the night at Edward's apartment so that I can share a bed with him and possibly let him put his cock, tongue, and/or fingers inside my cooter. Is that okay with you?" Yeah, I see that going over _really _well.

I really need to get more friends who are girls, so that I have more places to "spend the night." As it is, I have no friends at all. My only friend is on a plane headed for Texas.

"This is going to take forever." I frown with an exasperated sigh just before we climb out of Edward's Impala. "And it's going to cost a fortune, which I _don't _have." I look pointedly at Royce. I feel bad right after I do it because Royce cringes at my finger-pointing.

My fingers immediately link with Edward's and we walk hand-in-hand toward the entrance. "It's fine." Edward's smooth voice coats over me like a warm blanket. He lifts our clasped hands and kisses the back of mine. "I got it, babe."

I don't know why, but hearing him call me _babe_ revs my damn engine. I'm a horrible, sex-crazed friend, and I should be hanged. I still feel super shitty about Rosalie, but at the same time, I just want to fuck the shit out of my boyfriend and forget that today ever happened. It's official; Edward has fucked my brains out, because if I had even half a mind right now, I wouldn't be lusting after him.

I shake my thoughts clear. "No, Edward. It'll be too much."

"You serious?" Edward raises a tense brow at me. "I told you I'd handle it, you gonna let me do my thing or not?"

Royce chuckles at us in amusement. "Both of you chill out." He snorts, "Because _I _got this." He then walks right past us to head on inside—where he proceeds to cut to the front of the line, ignoring the angry shouts from those around him—and asks for some dude named Nick Landry.

"Who is Nick Landry?" I ask Edward curiously.

His shrugs and makes a careless face.

"All right, come on." Royce directs us back outside and to the back of the building where hundreds of cars are trapped behind a giant gate, like birds in a cage.

I immediately start to search for my car, my poor little silver Volvo, who is probably scared and alone. "There!" I shout excitedly while I point my finger straight ahead. "There she is!"

"She?" Edward teases me.

"Shut up." I roll my eyes.

"Okay, hold on. Someone's about to meet us back here." Royce pauses and turns toward me with a hand held out. "Gimme your keys."

I drop them into his palm and he clamps his fingers down over them.

"Money?" Edward asks.

"Nah," Royce says with a shake of his head, "that guard at the airport's got a buddy who works here. He said to ask for Nick. He's gonna give us the car and rip up the paperwork."

Edward nods, satisfied with what he's heard. "Nice."

"How did you get so lucky?" I dare to ask.

Royce snickers. "Luck's got nothing to do it, dollface. You just have to know how to talk to people." He shrugs.

I smirk. "Or _threaten,_" I add to what he's said.

Another devilish smile takes over his face. "Sometimes that helps."

A door opens up behind the gate and whom I assume is Nick drags his feet as he makes his way over to us. Royce waves us away and says he'll be right behind us. I'm reluctant to just leave him with my car, not that I think he's going to do anything malicious with it, but it's a knee-jerk reaction. That's my baby I've just handed over. Her mirrors, wheel, and seat adjustments are set at the perfect angles.

Suddenly, I'm struck with a random memory of the first time I drove with Rosalie in my car. It was to my very first party, and I was driving because I was deemed the DD that night. Rose said I wasn't quite ready to drink in front of others because she wasn't sure what kind of drunk I was. It was all about appearance, and anything that happened that night was going to be passed around school come the following Monday. Even back then, she had my back.

I feel a pressure in my chest that has me walking away without much protest. Silently, I get into the Impala and Edward drives off without playing any music. I think he knows I just need everything to be quiet right now. I want to curl up against my window and just… _sleep_.

"Hey," he says and I feel his hand touch my shoulder and rub it softly.

I sigh and barely turn my head to look at him. I'm in a mood, God help him.

He raises his chin and beckons me over. "C'mere," he speaks gently. "Come sit with me."

I slink over to his side of the car and close my eyes while I rest my head on his shoulder. The seatbelt in the middle sucks the big one, it's only at the waist, and I feel like it's digging into my spleen.

I hate feeling guilty like this. It's worse than when I was worried about keeping things from Edward, because this time, the guilt is because I wasn't there for Rosalie when she needed me.

I don't even realize that I've started to cry until I feel Edward's arm tighten around my shoulders and his hand slides up and down my arm. I can't keep doing this to myself. I know that even if I _was _there, that there probably wasn't much I could do anyway. Aside from getting hauled away in my dad's patrol car. Mrs. Hale is a real bitch like that.

It's a long ride back home, and I don't want to spend it like this. If anything, now is the best time to talk and get inside Edward's head. It's only fair, since he knows so much about me. Also, I'm still kinda pissed that he missed dinner last night. I have every intention of holding that over his head for however long he'll do what I say when I bring it up.

He has to take his arm away from around my shoulders when he shifts gears, so I just hold onto his arm like I would a stuffed teddy bear. I squeeze it in my arms and press my chest against it. "Why didn't you call me to tell me you were going to miss dinner yesterday?" I ask cautiously.

"You really want to know?" he mutters distractedly.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't." I almost end up snapping at him.

He slams down on the clutch and speeds up, his arm flexing and muscles bunching as he handles the gearshift firmly in irritation.

"Why are you getting mad?" I push away from him and cross my arms as _I _start to grow angry.

"I'm not mad," he lies unashamedly. "I'm just frustrated. I'm ready to put this Alice shit in the ground, Bella. I don't want to talk about it anymore, it's not gonna be an issue any longer."

"Not good enough." I shake my head.

His face wrinkles up. "The fuck does that mean?"

"It means it's not fucking good enough. I'm so tired of you saying you'll 'tell me later,' or 'not right now,' or 'it's not important,' because actually, Edward? It _is _important. I _always _have to answer you when you ask me something." I can't believe we're having this conversation again. After everything he's said to me, here we are, back at square one.

"You say you want to know, but I know the minute that I do, you're going to get all upset and mad, and then we're gonna fight." He grimaces.

"We're fighting right now!" I shout.

"No," he clarifies, "we're arguing, there's a difference."

I throw my hands up in the air. "What-the hell-ever, Edward! Answer my damn question. Why was it a bad day for her? Did she break a nail? Was she out of Tampax and needed you to run to the store?"

He accelerates past seventy. "She wanted to hang out, just the two of us. Like we used to before…" He lets the sentence drag. Yeah, before _me_. "She was upset because she was really hoping to win this scholarship money from some program and she didn't. It was a long shot, but it would have guaranteed her admittance into any University she wanted. Which is a big deal because she'd be the first to go to college in her family."

I sit back silently and listen. I'm still not seeing what this has to do with a simple phone call.

"It was a big deal, even Royce knew, but that's not why I couldn't call. She wanted me to hang out with her like old times when she was sad. But I couldn't, which pissed her off and made her grab my keys and my phone and shove them in her bra and underwear." He rolls his eyes at my gasp. "It was a joke, she used to do it all the time, but she usually let up after a while. She wouldn't stop this time, though. So, I blew up."

I exhale slowly. I bet that wasn't pretty. _Good_.

"And then everything started to come out. She started to say things that pissed me off, to the point where I had to get the hell away from her, but she _followed_ me wherever I went. We fought, for I don't even know how long, until Esme finally came home, and thank God Carlisle was with her. But even then, Alice wouldn't let up. She started screaming and telling our business out loud to anyone who would listen. Esme finally had to drag her into their apartment. I was so angry afterward that I started to break shit and throw things. Carlisle had to calm me down and get my stuff back from Alice." He runs a hand through his hair. "He asked me if I loved you."

My attention is focused on him. "What did you tell him?"

Finally, Edward looks at me in the face. "I told him what he already knew."

I swallow, the sound being dragged out by the roar of the highway. "Why do you sound so sad when say it?" I frown and press my hands to my chest. "Because I can feel it all over me, how much I love you. It used to scare me, but not anymore. I feel like it makes me stronger somehow."

He nods his head and shifts the car's transmission silently. He clears his throat before he finally says, "It's not that I don't feel it, Bella." His hand reaches out for mine. "It just doesn't feel the same to _say _it out loud. I used to hear those words every day from my mother." He stops and his hands clench, one white-knuckled fist around the wheel, and the other smothering my poor hand.

Slowly and gently, I pry my fingers from his harsh grip. "But I'm not her, Edward. I'm not your mother," I state firmly. "I don't know what she did to you outside of abandoning you when you were younger, and I can't pretend to know what that feels like." I pause to take a breath. "All I know is that I love you, and I'll keep saying it until you believe me." I scoot closer and touch his arm. "And I know you love me, too. I'm not saying you don't." I bite my lower lip when it starts to tremble. "But unfortunately for you, I need to hear it. But I don't want you to say it if it's empty."

"How can you think that?" he broods. "You're right. I got my issues, and I shouldn't hold them against you. I'll try to work on that. Just… bear with me, all right?"

I nod and kiss his chin. "Okay."

He tilts his head and purses his lips at me. "I want a real kiss."

I give him one. Two. Almost three, but he almost runs off the road.

"I love you, Isabella Swan," he says to me sincerely.

I smile big and heave a dreamy sigh. "Thank you." I grin up at him proudly.

He laughs and shakes his head, smacking my hip with his hand as playful punishment for not saying it back. I'm happy that he told me what he did. I know I should probably stop there, not push him past his limit, but… I have so many questions. There is so much about him that I don't know. More importantly, there are still things about last night that I _must _know about.

"Who did you fight with last night?" I blurt out without first thinking of a more suitable approach.

"Fuck," he hisses, "I was really hoping you wouldn't ask me that."

I tense up. He pulls his arm away, shifts, and puts his hand back in my lap. I wrap my hands around his bicep and unwillingly start to squeeze. "Edward?"

"I went straight to Royce's after I left your house. I was so angry, and I wanted to kick his ass, but I couldn't because the kids were there. They see enough fucked up shit from their own mother, I wasn't going to screw them up even more. Plus, I know Royce; he would _never _have called you if he had any other choice." He licks his lips. "We argued, I broke his phone, we argued some more, and I swung at him. But he ducked and I missed."

I shake my head at him, I can't believe—no, wait. Yes, I can.

"Long story short, I made him tell me what happened. More importantly, _who _it happened _with_. You remember that guy Alec?" he asks and I nod. "Well, the fucker went behind my back and convinced Royce to go ahead with an E run with some of Aro's guys. If he wasn't so hard up for cash—which I had no idea about until now—he wouldn't have gone. We have always stuck to the rule of never going on a run alone—unless I'm there, or Jake, he's considered alone. No one has his back like we do, and vice versa."

I love how much he's telling me, even if some of it I already know. Just hearing it from _him_ makes it so much more important.

"I knew something wasn't right about that deal, which was why I told him we weren't gonna do it, but he went ahead and did exactly what I said not to. And what happened? His ass got robbed, jumped, and left behind to… whatever." He scowls, upset.

"He says he doesn't remember who the guys were, so I went to Alec's and beat it out of him. Then I went to the spot Alec said they sold at, and I broke all their car windows. We got into a fight, the two of them against me." He smirks arrogantly.

It's both hot and completely irritating. The fucking idiot.

"One of them pulled a gun—" He has to stop because I gasp out loud and smack my hand onto his chest as if to feel him for a heartbeat in order to prove that he's still alive. "Relax, Bella! It was a fucking Beretta Tomcat."

"Stop it!" I cry. "Don't downplay this! You could have died, you stupid, arrogant-ass motherfucker!" I start to repeatedly punch him in the shoulder. "Did you once think about me when you were acting like you were invincible?"

He now has the sense to look ashamed. "But the cops got there. I guess someone called them. I snuck off before they saw me and went straight to your house. Royce thinks Aro is going to retaliate, but he won't."

"And how do you know that? Damn it, Edward! I thought you were working on your anger? You've just gone and made things a million times worse. He is _going _to retaliate. I know he is, because he would be _stupid _not to. And if he doesn't, then those thugs who beat up Royce? They'll come after you." I chastise him like I would a child. Only, the child would be smart enough to _not _start stuff with a known criminal.

"I said he's not going to do anything. Drop it," he barks and races past a group of cars on the road. I have to hold onto him to keep from falling over.

"No! Don't tell me to fucking drop it, Edward!" I growl.

He grits his teeth. "Drop. It."

"And what? Pretend like I'm not scared some guy with a gun is going to come after you?" I yell through tears. "Not only that, but what if I'm there? What if he shoots me, too? Did you think of that?"

"He's not going to fucking do anything!" he roars loudly throughout the car.

"How do you—"

"Because he's my fucking godfather, all right? Aro Volturi is the reason my life is so fucked up. He won't do _shit _because of that. He owes me, and he knows it. He's the reason I started selling in the first place. I go through Alec, who used to go through someone else, but ultimately, it all leads back to Aro. He's the king of dealing drugs in almost the entire state of Washington. Nobody knows that, not even Royce." He stares at me seriously. "You are _literally_ the only person I have ever told, and you will be the _only _person I ever do tell. So, do not repeat this—_ever_. Don't even think about it; pretend that it never happened. Believe me when I say, it's safer for everyone that no one knows who he is to me."

I move my head to stare straight out the windshield. There is no way in hell I am ever going to forget what Edward's just told me. I'll keep it locked up inside of me until the end of time, but I will never not think about it to myself. A zombie apocalypse could be in full swing and I will still have Edward's damning confession tickling the back of my mind. What does this mean exactly? Is this why he seems to have so much more money than Royce and Jake? Does Aro favor him in some sick and twisted way?

Why did this little tête-à-tête seem to provide even more questions than I originally began with? Seriously, this is not how I imagined my day to be. Rosalie, Royce, Edward… that asshole Security Bob. Times like this is when I would usually run to Rosalie and let loose everything inside of my head. I would even tell her about Royce if I were to stand in front of her right now, but I'm not, and I can't, and I won't.

Instead, I quietly stare forward for the rest of the ride home. Edward eventually turns the stereo on and we listen to music and say not another damn word until we're inside of his apartment and he's undressing me and putting his clothes on me for bed. It's only nine, but it feels like midnight. It feels like I've lived an entire week in just one single day. When the fuck did my life become so jaded?

I crawl into bed and wait for Edward to come out of the bathroom so that he can spoon me—I love when he does that. His chest to my back, our legs intertwined, and his hand on my stomach or pressed against my boobs because that's where I've put it—I like to do that, to cuddle his hand to my chest like a teddy bear. His breath at my ear, his lips on my skin, his nose softly sniffing my hair. I love him. I'll never stop. It's not something I can just turn off like a light switch.

I'm not stupid; I know he could potentially lead me on the wrong path. But only if I let him. Besides, who's to say that it's not _me _who leads _him _on the _right _path? I'm strongly starting to believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'm here to help Edward, or maybe he's here to help me? Or maybe the both of us are meant to help Royce and Rosalie? Whatever the reason, I'm glad I'm here, because "here" is with Edward.

I'm also glad I'm here with Edward because when my dad hears my voicemail telling him I'm staying the night at Makenna's—who he's never even met—he's going to ground me for life. Or kill me. Either way, these are my last few hours of freedom. I'd like to share them with my boyfriend.

I just wish I wasn't so damn tired right now, though. I could seriously fall asleep right now.

"Royce dropped your car off downstairs, he asked how you were, and then said he'd talk to us tomorrow." Edward slides in beside me, pulling me to him to wrap his arms around me.

I didn't even hear the front door open. I need a nap.

"How was he?" I ask and hug his arm around me, his palm pressed flat against my chest and wrist snuggly settled between my tits. They are way too happy about this to be normal, the little whores.

"I don't know," he sighs into my ear. "I think he's still trying to process. I know he was working up the nerve to talk to her about giving him a chance to prove himself fit enough to see the baby when it's born. I know Royce as if he was my own brother, he wants to be there for his kid."

I close my eyes. "We'll work on it," I tell him. "I hate to admit it, but Roy is kinda growing on me."

I can feel Edward's smile against my neck. "I love you," he whispers into my skin.

I sense a peace settle over me that I haven't felt all day. "Love you more." I take his hand from my chest and kiss his open palm. "Now shut up and go to sleep."

He chuckles huskily in my ear and presses his hard dick into my ass. "But I'm not sleepy."

_Ha!_ He's so adorable. I'd do him six ways to Sunday, but I'm exhausted. Emotionally. Physically. Worn. Out. I promise to myself that I'll make it up to him.

I'm half-unconscious when Edward rubs himself against me again. "Bella?" he whispers. "Babe?"

_Zzzzz…._

-x-

I need to sleep

Hours at a time

Bastard shame and

Burn, fire, gallery

I am trying to see us through

Pain and life and shame again

Please remember me

Please remember me

Please remember me

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _A Damning Confession__ by Lavinia_. Its late so I probably messed up the lyrics. I don't care. Haha.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teasers for this fic, you might want to check out my twitter/tumblr.

**TK FIC REC:** A Quiet Fire by Magnolia822

I'm ready to pass out now. On the real. I'm out. I love you all.


	27. The Meanest Fire

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I'd be running my face up and down Rob's buzzcut and I'd have a slight skin rash between my thighs from his stubble. Yep, I'd have it like that.

SHOUT OUTS—_**Jess:**__ Love you.__**DarlingSaila**__: My magic Beta Fish. Thank you for all your help because this story wouldn't be what it is today without you. Your input is everything. And I like the hula girl idea, lol. __**EVERYONE:**__ Thanks for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you're all amazing. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I will try to get to all of you next time in review responses. _

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ you have grass stains on your ass.

Ch. 27: _The Meanest Fire_

**Bella Swan is in a relationship with E. Cullen**

Comments:

**Seth Clearwater **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Makenna Levine **Yay! :)

**Bella Swan **lol thanks ;)

**Royce King **you're just NOW updating this?

**Jacob Black **old news!

**Kate Stone **Congrats, girly!

**Bella Swan **thanks ;)

**E. Cullen **we can do that on FB?

**Bella Swan **YES! You better change yours!

**E. Cullen **I am not a hacker nerd like you are

**Bella Swan **OMG it's so friggin easy, you're so lazy

**E. Cullen **do it for me

**Bella Swan **what will you do for me if I do?

**Royce King **GAG ME

**Jacob Black **you two sound like an old married couple

**Kate Stone **awww so cute!

**E. Cullen **Bella, get your ass off the computer and come over here

**Bella Swan **fine, but I'm changing your status when I do

**E. Cullen **Yes, baby.

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status:<strong>

**Seth Clearwater**_ has been betrayed by the one he loves! _

Comments:

**Jacob Black **you're a nerd, Seth.

**E. Cullen **If you weren't trying to steal my reason for existing, I might actually like you.

**Seth Clearwater **and if you weren't six-foot and eighty pounds of muscle more than me, I would challenge you to a duel, my frienemy!

**Royce King **that was beautiful, you guys… what poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Emmett McCarty**_ misses Rosalie :( _

Comments:

**Bella Swan ***hugs* me, too

**Jasper Whitlock **we all do :(

**Emmett McCarty **I just wish I got to say bye at least

**Bella Swan **have you talked to her?

**Emmett McCarty **one time and it was super short. she had a dr. appt.

**Jasper Whitlock **when does she find out if it's a boy or girl?

**Bella Swan **two more weeks.

**Jasper Whitlock **damn, that's soon.

**Bella Swan **I know.

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Alice Brandon**_ wishes Edward would stop being an asshole and talk to her._

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Royce King**_ hopes Cullen never talks to Alice ever again. _

Comments:

**Alice Brandon **fuck you, Royce.

**Royce King **no, thanks.

**Seth Clearwater **oh, BURN!

**E. Cullen is in a relationship with Bella Swan.**

-x-

Crunches, toe touches, straddle V sit-ups, leg lifts, and push-ups. I make everyone do these after we've run our allocated mile around the football field. I've been running the squad into the ground since Rosalie left, but these past few weeks have been pretty brutal, I'll admit. I don't mean to take my frustrations out on the team, I really don't, but once we're running, I can't stop. Once we're lunging, or crunching, or lifting, I keep calling out ten more, ten more, ten more…

Edward both likes and hates me coming home sore and moaning like a grouch. He likes it because it's one of the only times I will openly let him treat me like a baby. He hates it because I'm too sore to fuck. I'm exhausted and tired and irritable, and I miss Rosalie so, so much that I can hardly stand it. When he touches me and tells me everything is going to be okay, I cry. Because it's not going to be okay.

How is everything going to be okay? Rosalie is gone. She's going to be so fucked up in the head when she comes back with no baby but everything else: shame, guilt, emotional and physical pain. She won't talk to me for long periods of time on the phone because she starts to cry, and then I feel so bad that I start to cry. She wants to come home, but she's too scared to actually do it. She's terrified of what her mom will do. I'm trying to be as patient as I can before I hop on a plane and bring her back to Forks myself.

And Royce… Edward has been hanging out with him a lot more. We're both afraid of what Rose's leaving will do to Royce's chance of recovery. I'm not stupid; I know he's not clean yet. No one can just quit snorting coke overnight. Even if he wasn't a total cokehead before, he was wired enough to become addicted. Edward has promised me that his drug use was recreational and nowhere near as continuous as Royce. I made him swear on his cock and told him that if he was lying, God would strike down and vaporize his most treasured asset. He then brought me to orgasm three different ways: fingers, mouth, and cock.

Christmas is days away. Like, eight to be exact. I still haven't bought Edward anything—I'm a horrible girlfriend, I know. I have no idea what to get him anyway, because he's one of those fuckers who has everything. I can't buy him clothes because he wears the same thing all the fucking time—dark jeans, black hoodie, black leather jacket.

Buying gifts for guys like Edward is nearly impossible. So, clothes are out of the question because even if I did manage to see something I think he would like, he won't. He'll smile and say something like, "thanks, babe." But inside he's not thinking that, inside he'll be cringing, and when he wears it—because if he didn't I'd make him—he'll fake a smile.

If I get him a watch, he'll say that only gay guys wear accessories. To which I will comment on the fact that he used the word _accessories_ in a sentence correctly. I can't get a wallet; he's used the same once since forever, or at least it _looks _like it's been used forever. Shoes—ha! He has enough to fill a closet, so many in fact that he also has to use the closet in the hallway of his apartment. So, I thought maybe something for his car? But I don't know the first thing about cars, let alone what to get him in relation to one. A window decal? A pair of hanging dice? A keychain? Hula girl for the dashboard?

I tried asking Royce and Jake. _Bad_ idea; horrible idea. First of all, they laughed their asses off. Secondly, they both told me to buy him porn. And third? Well, third was the worst of all. Because choice numero tres was having dinner at Alice and Esme's apartment. This meant that I would have to speak to Alice beforehand, beg her to be civil for one night, and then pray that Carlisle and Esme's opinions of me are not shot to shit thanks to Alice.

I still haven't made my decision yet.

"Come on, Bella! I'm dying here!" Liam shouts, and I'm immediately brought back to the present.

Gym. Practice. Whining cheerleaders. Yes, I remember now.

"Suck it up, Hunter!" I snap back at him. "Ten more!"

Everyone moans and groans, but we all lie flat on our backs, bend up, and tighten our abdomens. We've been at this for over an hour. I've stretched them to capacity. I call out for them to stand, and for the next half hour, we work on our newest cheers. They're corny, but they rhyme, and Jessica's helped me come up with some pretty awesome choreography. Which is why I've decided to make her my co-captain—I know, it was just as much a surprise to me, as well.

I think I'm losing my mind, I really do.

I'm about to let us go home when loud clacking heels interrupt my thoughts, causing me to whirl around and see Constance—call me Connie, sweets!—Williams. Ugh, I forgot all about her. We have a "cheer mom," or "official cheer coach," but no one takes her seriously. Mostly because she's never actually here during any of the games or practices. She only ever shows up come competition time to take the credit for all of our hard work.

But this year, I'll be damned if I allow that shit to continue.

"Ladies!" She's all wide fake smiles and high botoxed cheeks. "Oh." She places a French manicured hand to her chest. "And _gentlemen_." She winks at the boys.

We all roll our eyes in response. What the hell does she want? Nationals isn't for another five months. I was really hoping to go home right now. Edward's working off his hours at the retirement center and won't be out until after my dad is already home from the station. Which sucks, because now he can't sneak inside and give me some loving before he has to sneak back out.

Oh yeah, I'm grounded. I knew I would be, but I took that chance, and now I'm enduring the consequences. Dad was _not _happy to get my message about staying over at Makenna's—but really staying over at Edward's and crying all night while he held me and wiped away my snot—the night Rosalie left. Hence, my lack of freedom.

School. Practice. Home. _That's it_.

"I've come to see how my favorite squad is doing! I heard about Rosalie's untimely departure and wanted to check in and see how things were going?" Her eyes roam around the room and stop at me. "Bella," she says in a way that sounds more like an insult, "I presume you've been left in charge?"

"Yes, ma'am." I nod.

Her lip curls and she addresses the squad. "Seeing as we've lost our most experienced captain, I've come to step in and fill the void. As happy and excited as I am to hear of Rosalie's early acceptance to Texas State, it's left us in sort of a bind."

My jaw has hit the floor. What the fuck is she talking about? Is that the lie Mrs. Hale is spinning? My God, the level that woman will go to keep a secret. I'm betting she even paid off a few people. She's an idiot. Either way, I won't have a forty-something, plastic Barbie imply that I'm not good enough to run this team and get us through Nationals. But before I even open my mouth, some of the other girls step forward first to voice their opinions.

"I don't see the bind." Kate shrugs. "Bella is more than an exceptional replacement, and no offense to Rosalie, but I actually prefer Bella's coaching over Rose's."

Tia nods her head. "I have to agree, Mrs. Williams. Bella has proved to be damn good at this. We've already learned three new cheers _and _we've come up with some pretty cool stunts for Nationals."

"She runs us into the ground, but at least she's right there next to us running her own ass into the ground. She can be bitchy, but she's not insulting like Rose was." Irina grimaces. "Rose was the reason I missed so many practices and Bella is the reason I make sure to bring my ass in."

My eyes widen in surprise. Why was I completely unaware that these girls didn't hate me? They actually like that I'm in charge? Jessica, who is standing beside me, turns her face to lock eyes with mine. A small smirk touches her lips and I start to think about how much she must be loving the idea of me getting kicked to the curb.

"Jessica?" Mrs. Williams sets her giant blue eyes onto her. "What is your opinion?"

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, ready to just walk out of here. I don't need this. I really don't. I've busted my ass for this damn squad, and if—

"She's capable for the job. Her techniques are brutal at times, but she gets the job done. She doesn't choose favorites the way Rosalie did. She's an equal bitch to each of us." When she shrugs, I see in the corner of my eye that she's smirking still. "If you want my honest opinion, Mrs. Williams? I'd take Bella over you any day of the week. At least Bella knows her ass from her elbow."

Gasps fill the gymnasium and I have to turn my head and laugh into my hands. I cannot believe she just said that. Well, I can. Hell, I was seconds away from saying something similar. The shade of red that plastic Barbie's face turns is priceless, but she won't say a damn thing because her husband works for Jessica's dad.

We watch Mrs. Williams spin on her heels and leave the gym. I turn to Jessica and shake my head with a small smile. "How much of that was actually true?"

"Enough." She arches a brow.

I nod. "Good to know, because I want to make you my co-captain."

"What the fuck?"

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"Are you fucking _high?_"

I love my squad.

-x-

Seriously? I'm getting really tired of coming home to see someone inside with my dad who is not in his small circle of trust. So, when I see a small pastel green Volkswagen Beetle parked outside my house, I know it's for me. Either that, or dad has a new lady friend he hasn't told me about. I shudder to think about _that_. Ew.

"Bella!" the cheerful voice of Makenna greets me when I walk into the kitchen.

"H-hi." I look from her to my dad as they sit at the dinner table. "What are you…?"

"She came to introduce herself," Dad explains.

Makenna blushes and looks down at her hands in her lap. "I felt really bad about you getting into trouble for staying the night with me. I know I should have come sooner, but I wasn't even aware until a few days ago."

Slowly, I enter further inside and take a seat. "It's okay, Dad knows about what happened with Rose and stuff."

"Yeah, but you were so messed up that night, I should have thought to talk to your dad for you. I know how protective my dad can be. I'm just… I'm so sorry," she says to both me and my dad. "Mr. Swan—"

"Charlie, please," he replies warmly.

Well, look at that. Makenna's a little charmer, isn't she? She's also a big fat liar, and if it gets me out of this grounding business, I will love her forever and ever.

"Well…" She gets up. "I guess I'll be going. I know you're not allowed visitors." She turns to _Charlie_. "It was nice to meet your Mr.—Charlie." Her smile is beautiful, and I almost have to look away—it's too much, really, it is. She's like a Victoria Secret model, no lie. I keep expecting her to sprout angel wings.

"What? No!" Dad jumps up, as well. "You two hang out upstairs, don't feel like you have to leave. Bella's been on restriction long enough." He looks over at me. "If you would have introduced me sooner, and _told _me about Rosalie before just disappearing on me and leaving a cryptic message, we could have avoided all of this."

"Dad!" I scoff. "You didn't give me a chance to explain anything! The moment I walked inside, you practically barricaded me into my own room!"

"And I'd do it again, too!" His mustache twitches. "You scared the hell out of me that night. You were crying so hard that I couldn't understand a word you said in your voicemail. Then you don't come home, and you don't answer your phone?"

"Oh, my damn, Dad! We've been over this, like, fifty billion times!" I literally stomp my foot. I'm a big girl, I swear it—at least, I am most of the time.

"Then, it'll be fifty billion and one!" he snaps back with a hand on his hip.

We stand with the table between us in a serious stare-off. Makenna has no idea what's going on, she doesn't know that things like this are very common within this household. I wonder if we'll get to the fake fighting part. I love those, because I get to play punch my dad and he pretends like I'm the Incredible Hulk.

"Ha!" I point at his face. "You blinked. I win!" I lift my arms up and jump up and down like I'm Rocky. "You're getting rusty, old man!"

"Old man?" He looks genuinely offended.

I put up my dukes and hop from foot to foot. "What're you gonna do about it… _old man?_" I'm grinning like the Cheshire cat.

Makenna's eyes are the size of golf balls.

"You're just lucky I'm not carrying." Dad eyes me with playful seriousness. "I'll have you know, I've been known to shoot—"

"A fish in a barrel!" I interrupt him and fight to keep a straight face.

"Should I… leave?" Makenna whispers, too afraid to speak any higher.

"Nah." I shake my head and wave a flippant hand at my dad. "Don't take him too seriously. He knows to be nice to me or I'll put him in a home when he is of age—ahh!" I scream when I feel a sharp pinch in my side.

By the time I whirl around to retaliate, Dad's running up the stairs to his room and laughing. What a child! I huff and turn to look at Makenna. "It's not usually like this," I tell her.

She gives a small, nervous smile. "It's not?"

"Nope. Usually I beat him." I grin.

-x-

**Facebook Status: **

**Bella Swan**_I LOVE NOT BEING GROUNDED ANYMORE!_

Comments:

**Emmett McCarty** Woohoo!

**Makenna Levine** ;)

**Jacob Black** nerd.

**Royce King** finally!

**Kate Stone** awesome!

**Seth Clearwater** _likes this_.

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Between _**E. Cullen** _and _**Bella Swan**

**E. Cullen** does this mean we get to fuck again?

**Bella Swan** wow, honey, I feel so loved.

**E. Cullen** Bella. It's been two weeks.

**Bella Swan** It's been two DAYS, Edward.

**E. Cullen** Well, it feels like more.

**Bella Swan** Sex addict.

**E. Cullen** Like you're not, half the time it's you all up on me

**Bella Swan** Lies!

**E. Cullen** Where you at? Come over.

**Bella Swan** 'kay.

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Jasper Whitlock** _New Years Eve at my house this year!_

_67 people like this_.

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Jessica Stanley**_Hootie hoo, bitches! I got a killer routine to show you next practice!_

Comments:

**Jennifer Ford** before or after the party at Jasper's?

**Lauren Mallory** Before! Or I'll be too hungover.

**Irina Denali** Does Bella know?

**Jessica Stanley** don't start. I don't answer to her—it's CO-captains. We're equal.

**Liam Hunter** Good luck with that. We all know you're just the number two.

**Kate Stone** ditto on what Liam said.

**Liam Hunter** Thank you, darlin'.

**Kate Stone** ;)

**Mike Newton** What party at Jasper's?

**Tia Kebi** A party you weren't invited to.

**Chelsea Salvatore** I thought Bella cancelled practice so we could go to the party?

**Jennifer Ford** she did.

**Jessica Stanley** shut up, heifers, can you read? I said NEXT PRACTICE! Gah!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Between _**Royce King** _and _**Bella Swan**

**Royce King **Be a good girl and ride with my boy Cullen to Jenks's place.

**Bella Swan** Who?

**Royce King** Don't matter who, ride with him. I can't go. It's a long drive.

**Bella Swan** Where's Jake?

**Royce King** hittin' that pussy Makenna's.

**Bella Swan** Must you be so vulgar?

**Royce King** You asked.

**Bella Swan** Sorry I did.

**Royce King** You gonna go or not? My side is killin', else I'd go.

**Bella Swan** I never said I wouldn't go.

**Royce King** Thanks, doll.

**Bella Swan** Also, stop playing that "my side hurts" line, because everyone knows you're full of it. :P

**Royce King** Gotcha. Use my "I can't find a babysitter" card.

**Bella Swan** :|

**Royce King** :-D

-x-

It happens—_literally_—when I least expect it.

We're seated in two lawn chairs outside a trailer somewhere near Lake Pleasant. We had to pass through the town _Beaver_. No fucking lie, that's what it's called. I could hardly contain myself with the million innuendos I managed to work into conversation with Edward on our way to where we are now.

The trailer belongs to a guy named Jason Jenks—_just Jenks_—and he is who Edward gets his marijuana supply from. I wonder how someone who grows and sells such a high demand product can live in a fucking _trailer _of all places. If I were him, I'd be living it up in a mansion. But Edward says that Jenks likes being out here in complete solitude.

Well, not _complete _solitude. His girlfriend, Lacy, lives with him.

Anyway, it's the middle of the day and the sun is setting behind the high green mountains. I sit with my legs out over Edward's lap as we pass a bowl packed with purple kush back and forth. I'm content and sated. Soon, I'll be hungry and sleepy—and horny.

He has a hand up my pant leg, caressing my calf, when he says it. "I was eleven when she left." He hands me the pipe. "Came home from school one day and she was gone."

I pause with the small steel pipe an inch away from my lips. "Your mom?" I whisper carefully.

He nods. I inhale deep, hold it in, and pass it back to his waiting fingers.

"For the longest time, I thought it was because I was bad." He chuckles at the memory. "I was a total shit when I was younger."

I giggle. He still is.

As if sensing my inward teasing, he pinches the skin under my knee and I flinch. We laugh like idiots, and when we settle down again, he goes back to his sensual touch—fingers over smooth skin, shivers up my leg and straight to my lady bits.

"How were you bad?" I ask and bite my lip as I watch him pull my Converse free and slides his thumb up and down the arches on my feet. I moan and lean back in my chair. I want to crawl into his lap like a kitten, but I want him to keep talking.

He starts up again. "I dunno." He shrugs slightly and avoids looking up at me, instead putting his attention on my pink and green checker covered toes. "I acted out in class a lot and got sent to the principal's office." He smirks down at the pipe in his hand before he brings it back to his lips.

I lick mine and watch him inhale.

"She called me her _little menace_." He snickers and smoke shoots through his nose. "The only time we ever really spent time together was when she'd have to come down to the office and pick me up. Otherwise, all she did was sleep all day in her room…"

He grows quiet then, and I find myself pushing my body upright and scooting my chair closer to his. I don't like what I see on his face: melancholy. His eyes stare down at his hands and it feels as if he's miles away from me. It makes me nervous. I feel disconnected, irrelevant… alone. Being with Edward is the _one _time I never feel alone. This change in him is wrong. It's like a virus making its way through a body, deteriorating whatever it touches.

I can barely stand the thought of something worming between us and pushing us apart. What if I ask too many questions and he builds up those stone walls of his again? What if he reminisces too far back and loses himself in the past?

I pull my legs from his lap and replace them with, well, _me_. His arms cradle me; my arms circle his neck and pull him closer until he's pressed against me.

"Hey," I whisper and nuzzle his nose with mine. "It's okay." I choose my words to bring comfort. "You don't have to tell me anything if it hurts too much." I brush my lips over his and I kiss him lightly. So soft and chaste that it breaks him apart and his hands clench around my waist.

"I miss her." He drops the pipe down to the grass below us. "I don't want to, but I do." His hands fist themselves in my sweater. "Take this off," he pleads with his eyes and moves to yank it off.

It's freezing outside—the sun is now hidden behind the mountains and leaves behind different shades of blues and purples streaked across the sky like brush strokes on an easel—I shiver from the cold and he rubs his hands up and down my arms.

"C'mere." His voice is barely audible. He opens his jacket and wraps it around us as I snuggle into his chest. "I just need to feel you right now. Your skin." He digs his nose in the crook of my neck. "Your scent." He inhales as if I were the weed he's been smoking.

I sigh and pull back to touch my lips to his. "I'm sorry," I say to him with a heavy heart. "I didn't mean to upset you."

He shakes his head with closed eyes. "It's not you," he assures me. "I just don't ever talk about this shit. I've never _wanted _to before. But I know if I don't start talking, you're gonna walk." He frowns.

"Stop it, that's not true." I take his face between my hands and make him stare into my gaze. "I want you," I tell him. "_All _of you. Even the parts of you that you want to forget. I would rather be here with you and hold you while you confessed your darkest secrets to me rather than sit silently beside you and feel as if you're a thousand miles away."

His forehead leans against mine. "I want that, too." I sense a 'but' about to make its way out his mouth. "But I don't want it to change how you look at me."

I slide my thumbs across his lips. "How do I look at you now?"

"I just…" He puckers against my fingers and presses small kisses to them. "I can't lose you, Bella."

I sigh and cradle face again to stare into his remarkably green eyes. "Who said I was going anywhere?"

He takes my hands and kisses the inside of them gently. "One day you're going to say it's not worth it. That _I _am not worth it. And then you'll leave. Just like they did."

I freeze. "Your parents?"

He nods. "She was sad all the fucking time. When she wasn't holed up in her room in the dark, she was fighting with my dad. Then one day, she left."

I gulp. "And your dad?"

He lays his head against my chest and I hold him to me tightly. "Took off when I was fourteen—not that he was ever really around anyway." He snorts bitterly. "I came home one day from school and all his shit was gone. At least Elizabeth left a note when she walked out, he left me a six-pack in the fridge and a handful of bills."

I sigh and comb my fingers through his hair. "Tell me," I coax him to continue.

His hands slink up the back of my shirt, hot palms lay flat against my spine. I hold him closer to me to let him know I'm still here. His body is taut, full of tension and regret. It forms a ball of grief in the center of my chest, and I have to take a deep breath and remind myself to keep breathing.

"I didn't know what to do or where to go. I didn't even tell Alice at first. Royce knew, but he said not to tell anyone. He said they'd send me away and I'd jump from one foster home to the next." I feel his fingers dig into my back as he takes a deep breath. "So, I kept on as if he were still there. I started selling a little weed here and there, and stealing shit so I could sell it or pawn it off. I paid the bills that kept the water, gas, and electricity on with money orders. I didn't need anything else. I ate at Alice and Esme's."

My fingers in his hair pause when he does.

"For how long?" I pull his head back to look at him.

He shrugs. "'Bout a year?"

I chew on my bottom lip. "What happened?"

His lidded eyes watch me carefully as he lifts a hand and gently uses his thumb to pry my lip from my teeth. "I got caught."

I gasp and tighten my fingers in his hair. "How?"

"Stupid home inspection." He scowls. "My parents were renting, and every year the manager was supposed to inspect the house for damage and to see what needed repairing before he'd up the rent or not." His jaw tightens. "Everything was fine. I said I'd get my dad to sign off on the paperwork when he got home. I had every intention of forging his signature like I had been doing since he left, but the manager said he had to be there to witness the signing of the documents. I put it off for as long as I could before he found out what was going on. The next thing I knew, CPS was knocking at my door."

He's quiet for a long while after this. I pull his face to my chest and comb my fingers through his hair soothingly, like I would do to comfort a child. His hands slide down my sides to rest at my waist from under my shirt. His palms are hot and sweaty. In fact, his entire body is tense and wound up like a stretched rubber band.

"Edward," I whisper into his ear, "you're shaking."

He grips my hips tightly. "These are not memories I want to revisit, Bella." His words are minced, his chest heaving, his breath quick and shallow. I feel his forehead against the side of my neck as he shoves his nose into my hair. "I had to stay with people who only wanted me for the money. I was lucky to never get stuck in a group home for boys. I don't know what would have happened to me if I had been."

He inhales my scent like it's a stimulant, or a quick dose of a mild sedative. My heart hammers behind my ribs. I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now. I'm high as a motherfucking kite, and all my senses are heightened, so why do I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin and he seems to get calmer by the second? Am I absorbing his anxiety or something?

"How were you placed so fast?" I ask while I caress the side of his face.

Another shrug. "Lucky," he snorts. "Or _unlucky_. Some middle-class assholes in their early forties, my caseworker—Carlisle—hooked me up with them. Esme had just started dating him and I had met him a few times. The minute he saw me, he pulled me aside and just took over from there. I was with that first family for about a year. And every week Carlisle would ask me how I was, and every week I'd say I was fine, but he saw right through me. I wasn't eating, I was sneaking out, selling weed, missing school, and hanging out with shady people…" He lets the sentence die.

"When did you start selling?" My voice is soft and barely audible. I don't want to ask the wrong questions, or say the wrong thing. I'm walking on eggshells, I really am.

"About a month after my dad left." He pauses and takes a deep breath before he rearranges me in his lap so that I can rest the right side of my face on his chest. I feel his heart beating against my cheek and the rhythmic _thump, thump, thump _almost lulls me to sleep.

He continues, "It wasn't Aro who got me into selling, he had no idea. We've never been close, and I don't talk to him unless absolutely necessary. In fact, I'd never talk to him at all if I was given the choice, but he's like a fucking fly that won't go away."

I raise my fingers up to scratch the scruff at his chin; he takes my hand and kisses my palm. I shiver, because his lips are wet, soft, and so damn warm. I want them pressed to my neck, my throat, my chest, my whorish tits, and then, if I'm lucky… my OH FUCK! button.

"It was actually Royce who got me into selling. We both hung out with the same bad people, but no one approached me. They obviously felt just fine asking Royce, and before I knew it, I was slinging weed, and then pills, and then coke." He grimaces and rubs a hand over his face harshly.

I frown and pull it down to look at him closely. "Tell me more about Carlisle."

I can literally feel his body start to relax at the very idea of Carlisle. Wow. I really need to meet this guy who Edward keeps in such high regard.

"He knew I was lying about everything being fine. So, he started stopping by my school for progress reports, and came to my foster home for surprise visits." He shakes his head. "They were out of town a lot, so I was left behind—hell, I didn't even notice they were gone until Carlisle stopped by and asked where they were. After about the third time that happened, he pulled me out. I thought I was going to stay with him until I turned eighteen, but he had different plans."

My fingers continue to lightly graze along his jaw line and my nails scrape against the stubble that's begun to grow. He literally has to shave every day—he's like a grizzly bear, warm and fuzzy. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing at my stupid comparison. Inside, I just keep looking at Edward and thinking, "My poor baby." I want to crush him to me and scream at his selfish parents for what they've done to him. How can anyone be so cruel? So cold?

"Carlisle took me to several places I could potentially end up in if I didn't get my shit straight. He promised me he would help me get emancipation, my own apartment, my own _life_, but first I had to prove I was worth it, and that I could handle it. I had to pick up my grades and get a job." He snickers. "Although, the job part is really just a cover up for me to keep doing what I'm doing. But it keeps Carlisle off my back, and food on the table." He leans over and kisses my lips. "And now I have you. Shit doesn't get better than this right here, Bella."

I want to tell him that it does. It gets so much better! He doesn't have to sell drugs or disregard college. He could have an actual future and he can get the hell out of this shithole town. I know _I _can't wait to put Forks in my rearview mirror. I want to go to school on the East Coast. My dream school is Boston University, but I'm a realist—I'd never be able to pay that, and I'm not smart enough. Even so, I have dreams. I don't think Edward does.

"But what about after we graduate? Don't you want—"

"Weighed, paid, and packaged for sale." Jenks chooses right then to come out from his trailer with a big black duffel bag.

Our moment is gone. I feel it swirl away in the air like wisps of smoke from the smashed end of a cigarette, fading away into nothing but a faint scent of what once was. I choose then to get up and put my shoes back on while Edward and Jenks talk business or whatever.

It amazes me how fast Edward can go from vulnerable right back to his rock solid, confident self. He's like Jim Carey in _The Mask_. Once it's on, he's a completely different person.

"Jenks," Edward says to the short and bald man, "always a pleasure." He takes the bag and hauls it up onto his shoulder before he turns to me. "C'mon, babe, let's go get something to eat."

I'm up and ready to go.

-x-

We're driving through mountains and dirt roads and I feel as if we're the only two on the planet. Edward is mellow, relaxed, and completely content. Right now, he is breathtaking as I sit and pretend like I'm not blatantly staring at his strikingly beautiful profile. It's rare occasions like these when I wonder why he can't just be like this all the time. He's _always _so fucking tense and defensive, and sometimes I just want to hit him and shake him and say, "Chill the fuck out!"

I stretch my arms up over my head and then get the crazy idea to open the window and stick half my body outside. I love the wind on my skin and through my hair. The sun is saying its last goodbyes to the sky, and at the speed Edward is going, it feels like we're chasing the last bits of light.

"Babe?" I pull myself back inside the car and pull my hoodie—Edwards hoodie—back on.

He cocks his head slightly in my direction. "Yeah?" I watch his hand grab the gearshift firmly and the muscles in his forearm tighten up. Fuck, that's hot.

"I'm really glad that you felt comfortable enough to, you know… tell me about that stuff earlier." I bite my lip and draw my knees up on the seat to curl my legs under me so I can turn and face him—the seatbelt digs into my side, but it's worth it. I love watching him drive even more than I love watching him blow smoke rings into the air.

He reaches out and draws my lip free from my nibbling. "Me, too." He smiles softly and then uses the same hand to downshift the engine.

"What do you plan to do when we graduate?" I rest my elbow on the seat and curl a fist under my chin, studying him closely.

His lips twitch to hold back a smile. "A little premature, don't you think?"

_Uh, no_. I snort and say, "Six months is far from premature, Edward."

He shrugs.

"Okay." I purse my lips. "What would you _like _to do if you could do anything you wanted, and you had nothing to hold you back?"

This time, he turns his head to look right at me. "I already have everything I want right here." He sets his hand on my knee.

My stomach flutters. "I'm serious." I smile and squeeze his fingers with mine before I bring them up to my mouth and kiss them.

"What do you want me to say, Bella?" He goes back to staring forward at the road. "I'm a realist. I don't dream big because I know it won't happen. Would I like to collect and rebuild classic cars? Hell yes, I would. What's not to like? I love cars, I love everything about them, and I'm not an idiot." He snorts. "But like I said, I'm a realist. I'll never own my own shop because I'll never have the start up cash. And before you say anything," he adds quickly to make my mouth snap shut, "I'd never buy it with money I got through Aro selling drugs or whatever. I'd want it to be _mine_ and mine alone, with no strings attached."

"You can still do that," I whisper.

"In La Push?" He laughs at me. "I'd go bankrupt before my first year."

I don't like his negative attitude. "Then, move. There are lots of successful shops on the West Coast." I shrug, I have no idea if I'm right or not.

"I don't want to talk about this, Bella," he snaps angrily.

"Why?" I challenge him.

"Because," he growls back. "It's a just a dream, let it go."

I can't, how I can let him think that he can't make it a reality? He deserves so much more than this town, than this life. He has an entire future waiting for him, why is he acting like this is it? It's _not_. I hate that he thinks so.

"Well…" I scoot as close to him as my belt will allow and run my fingers up and down his arm. "Wasn't I once one of your dreams?"

He nods and grabs my hand from his arm. "You were the most important one." His tone is husky as his eyes stare into mine.

I turn my face to look out my window. "Pull over." I set my feet back onto the floor of the car.

He blinks, confused. "Excuse me?"

"See that pretty patch of grass over there? With the wildflowers and the view?" I have to squint to see it, so the flowers could be yellow for all I know, because it's getting darker by the second.

"Yeah?" he says, slowing the car down.

I hit the button to release my seatbelt and then scoot across the seat to set my hand on his thigh so that I can lean in and breathe into his ear, "I want you to fuck me in it."

The tires screech to a stop. I fly forward and slam my hands onto the dash, my adrenaline skyrockets from the scare, and I stare up at Edward in shock. His eyes are thick with lust, his chest heaving in and out quickly while his hand slides over my leg and to my waist before up into my hair. He yanks me toward him and crashes our lips together.

"Don't say it if you don't mean it," he pants into my mouth.

I moan and pull his face back to me with my hands on either side. "When have I ever asked you for something I didn't really want?"

I feel his lips curl up into a smile. "Never."

"Exactly." I pull his bottom lip out with my teeth. "It's getting dark," I whisper.

"And cold," he adds gravelly.

I shiver. "Well, then," I sigh and draw back an inch, "I guess we'll have to hurry." My fingers grasp the handle, and within seconds I'm outside of the car. "Hey, Edward?" I lean in to look at him.

His left brow rises in question.

I grin as an idea forms within my mind. "You'll have to catch me first." I spin and take off into the meadow.

I hear the car door slam and Edward's quick steps, which make my feet move faster, my legs push harder. I intend to make him work for it—I want to be full of excitement and adrenaline. I want him to enjoy the chase, and if he catches me, I want to be his prize.

"Bella!" he shouts. "I'm faster than you!" He chases me like a greyhound after a rabbit.

My heart bangs away inside my chest. I feel a fresh wave of energy and kick up dust in my wake, my speed increasing. I'm so glad I've been making everyone run a mile during the week and three on the weekends. My stamina is much higher than it would have been, say, last month? I veer to the left and hop over a fallen tree branch. The meadow is getting thicker, trees sprout up all around me, drowning out the light and leaving me in their shadows.

I'm terrified that I'm going to trip and fall on my ass, maybe bust my dome wide open. But I can't stop because it's still too exciting. My breathing is quick and deep, and I feel a light layer of sweat start to coat my skin. I swipe the back of a hand across my forehead and chance a quick look over my shoulder to see Edward gaining on me.

Holy shit! He's fucking _fast! _

I take off and run as swiftly as my poor legs with take me, my feet pound on the ground and I wish I wasn't wearing my Converse. If I were in my sneakers, I would smoke him; I know it. A crunch from right behind me makes my body tense up and I dart forward out of the density of the trees. The meadow is vast and circular, the only clearing in the entire wooded area.

It's nearly pitch black but for the slight glow emanating from the newly risen moon. A rustling sounds on my left seconds before hands are at my waist and I'm spun around, my breath hitching in my throat. He's caught me, and I grin and feel excitement take over. His eyes are hungry as they take me in from bottom to top. I can almost literally feel his gaze touch me as if they were his hands—hands that are currently gripping my hips firmly, possessively.

"I win." His voice is deep and throaty.

My heart pounds in my ears and my lungs still yearn for breath. I nod my agreement, bite my lip, and bow my head. Then I glance up at him through my lashes and step into him closer. "What will you do with me?"

His teeth peek through his lips and a wolfish grin takes over his face. "Oh, baby," he laughs softly. "You have no idea what I plan to do with you."

Faster than I can respond, he yanks me forward by the bottom of my hoodie and then lifts it up over my head. I gasp in surprise and I reach to do the same to him, but he stops me.

"Uh, uh," he teases me with the wiggle of a patronizing finger. "I won, so this is _my _prize." He draws me forward forcefully so that his hips smack against mine. "And I want to unwrap it." He bows his head and captures my lips with his. Once, twice, soft pecks that drive me mad with need. "Take off your shirt," he whispers to me.

I obey without protest, taking the bottom of my shirt with my arms crossed over my front and pulling it upward slowly, sensually. I tremble from the cold, and I feel my nipples pucker up behind the thin cups of my bra. Edward watches every move with intense precision. His hands span my waist and slide up and down my sides, warming my cool skin with his burning palms. My body reacts without permission; I push forward and aim for his lips. I have no idea how he is so controlled while I'm ready to scream and demand that he take me now. I want his tongue in my mouth, pushing and sliding against mine with tender lips. Ones that make me want to bite and pull his bottom one out, because I know he loves when I do it.

But all he gives me is one closed-mouth kiss and then takes my hands between his and steps back. "Unzip your pants, Isabella," he commands gravely and releases his hold on me.

With my now free—and shaky—hands, I fumble with the zipper on my jeans and pull it down. I don't do more than that—he's not asked me to take them off. I want _him _to slide them down my thighs, past my knees, and to my feet. My chest heaves in and out with deep breaths that loudly let him know how much his little game is affecting me.

"Your skin is really fucking beautiful in this light, did you know that?" He pets his knuckles lightly across my breasts.

Oh great, the whores I call tits are singing with praise. They want him. Well, so do I, bitches. Let's work together to get him to stop playing so we can get it on.

His fingers tease the lace cups, and with each slow pass, he pushes the material down lower and lower until my nipples are exposed. Then he just yanks the damn things all the way down and leans in to lick the flat of his tongue over each one.

"Oh, fuck," I cry and dig my fingers into the waistline of his jeans. I pull, and yet he stays exactly where he stands, not giving an inch.

He chuckles against my chest and pulls up to stand over me, his hands back at my hips. "I would love to play with you some more," he says as his eyes bore into mine, "but I know you're freezing out here, baby. I'll do this quick, and then we'll do it again later." One hand dives into the front of my open jeans and straight past my panties to cup my seriously slick pussy. "_Mmmph_," he grunts. "Always ready for me, aren't you, baby?" His free hand palms my left breast and teases its peak with his thumb.

I start to move against his hand, my fingers clenching into the sides of his sweater for balance. "Edward," I whimper and beg, "_please_."

"Please, what?" he teases and slips one finger inside my slit to caress me up and down while his thumb presses against my clit, causing me to mewl loud and shamelessly.

The muscles in my stomach bunch up, and I want to curl my legs, but I'm still standing. I bend over slightly, my face burrowing into his chest. "_Oh, please_," I plead again.

My body trembles all over as he pulls his hand out and then pushes my jeans down my hips. "You're so needy, Isabella." He clicks his tongue and sets his hands on my ass like he loves to do. I gasp and he squeezes harder.

He is enjoying this way too fucking much. He releases my ass and glides his hands up my body to the sides of my neck and up into my hair to scratch my scalp. I moan and his smug grin intensifies. Oh, two can play at this game.

I stand as straight as I can and toe my shoes off before I step out of my jeans. My right hand curls around the back of his neck, my left slides down his chest and down into the front of his pants so that I can wrap my fingers around his solid, thick cock. He jerks from my touch and groans the word _fuck _into my neck where he's buried his face and is sucking on my skin as his hands go back to my waist.

I squeeze him within my grasp and pull up and push back down. My palm against his dick doesn't slide as easily as I'd like and I yank it out—he grunts in disappointment—and lick my tongue over the inside of my hand a few times, adding more saliva before going back to what I was doing before. This time it slips up and down his silky length faster and slicker than before. It makes his breath hitch and his teeth bite my shoulder. One of his hands dips into the front of my panties and plunges two fingers inside my pussy mercilessly, dragging and pulling against my walls. I love his fingers, they're long and agile, and they always manage to reach the sweetest spot inside of me that sucks the air from my lungs and causes my entire body to convulse. And every time he knows he's found it, he moves faster and uses the heel of his hand to press against my throbbing clit. Just like he is right now, and I cry out and buckle instantly, causing my grip on his cock to tighten and pull as I fall and bring him down with me.

I cry out again when my ass hits the ground and Edward's fingers push deeper by accident. "_Shit_," he rasps and pulls away apologetically. I almost laugh at the concerned look on his face as he sets his hands on either side of my shoulders to hold himself up over me.

I shake my head to let him know that I'm fine, my cooter is not broken. We're good to go. I lick my lips and pull the bottom one between my teeth as I stare up at him.

"Give me that." He grins and lowers his face to mine and tugs my lip free from my teeth with his before he gives me one spine-tingling kiss.

I lift my head to deepen the kiss and curl and pull his tongue into my mouth. "_Mmm_," I moan, and my hands move to his waist as my knees part so that his hips can rest between my thighs. His jeans are rough against my skin, but he's pinning me down with his erection rubbing against my cotton-covered pussy.

He still has all his clothes on—I want them off—but I need him _now, _so I pull his zipper down and push his jeans down a few inches, just enough so that I can grab his cock, but suddenly he takes both of my wrists and puts then above my head. "Don't move," he warns me breathlessly, then he yanks my panties down.

He lets me go, balances himself on one arm and uses the other to align his dick at my entrance, slides in an inch… but then pulls back and rams up into me forcefully. So hard, so deep, so fast that my head falls back and my chest arches as I cry out into the night without thought. My bent knees lose grip on his hips as my toes curl and my thighs open wider. Holy shit, oh my God!

"I want you to feel this all day tomorrow," he growls.

My hands fly to his shoulders, his arms, I can't comprehend enough to keep still. He grunts and growls and rolls his hips—oh, my God, it's like a tingling in my tummy that intensifies every time his cock slides in and out. I whimper when he pulls back, sucking in a deep breath just before he thrusts back into me. The force pushes my body up so that my bare back slides against the grass and burns my skin. His hips slam between my thighs, and every time I try to squeeze him between my knees, his cock rams up into my pussy so deliciously that my legs spasm and lose control. My hands move to his back to hug him to me, and I can barely breathe, because every breath is quickly driven out of me from the force of his body pounding against mine.

"Oh, fuck," I cry, "oh… my God!" I'm betting I sound like a porn star right now—I don't even care.

He's heavy and warm and strong above me. His back muscles flex under my hands and his biceps bulge as he balances over me on his arms. I feel like I'm his Impala and he's driving me; shifting the gears inside of me to bring me up and down, revving my engine and making me vibrate like a loud rumbling muffler. I wonder if I should be jealous of his fucking car?

His skin sears mine as he bows down further to kiss my cheek. "Oh, baby," he pants into my ear. The sound of his voice goes straight to my core, making me clench my walls tight around him. "Oh, I fucking love when you do that," he groans lustfully.

Our combined hot breaths puff clouds around our faces in the cold night air. I start to quake beneath him like a volcano about to erupt. I can feel the buildup of sensations growing momentum, ready to take me over. In and out, he moves fast and hard as he slams his cock up into my cervix so deep that he nearly has me speaking in tongues.

"_Fuck!_" I scream. My arms and legs turn to jelly, shaking uncontrollably. The sex is so good that I am unable to manage brainwaves to my nervous system.

"Bella," he pants and groans above me. "Give it to me, baby."

I hold onto his shoulders and squeeze my thighs, reveling in the feel of him inside me, on top of me, all around me. His scent is everywhere, and I want to roll in it, bask in it. I meet him thrust for thrust until my legs give out again and I hit my peak. Whining, shouting, moaning, I let loose sounds that don't even sound human. My body is white fire, so searing hot that it's icy. I melt, and with one final plunge, his back arches and he pulls up to raise his face to the sky and comes so powerfully that I feel him pulsate and empty out inside of me.

My hips rise up to meet him, riding out the last waves of my own orgasm while he collapses onto me and peppers kisses up and down my neck, my chest, my lips...

Edward pants against me and angles his face up to mine to place small chaste kisses against my mouth. I kiss him back and his arms circle around me to hold me tightly as we both struggle to catch our breath, sharing light laughter between continuous kisses—ones that are intimate and full of emotions that we're too overwhelmed with to say out loud. I wince when he pulls out slowly, my pussy aching already. Yes, I _will _feel this all day tomorrow, just like he said.

He turns us to our sides and I curl into his sweater and tangle my bare legs with his covered ones. I laze around in the aftershocks, our bodies still trembling from the sex and from the cold. I shiver as I feel a trickle of semen drip downward and I rub my thighs together. For some reason, the feeling of his cum escaping my spent pussy turns me on. I feel claimed. I am his—I've always been his. I know this now.

I nuzzle my face under his chin and kiss his Adam's apple. "Hey." I nudge him with my nose.

"_Hmm_?" he hums.

I smile and kiss him again. "Hey," I whisper and wait until he looks at me before I say, "I love you."

He grins and slides the tip of his nose up the side of my face, he kisses my cheek. "Hey," he whispers into my ear.

I giggle softly. "_Hmm_?" I hum like he had done before.

He chuckles and brings a hand up to my chin to raise my gaze to his. "Hey," he mouths the word to me with his lips. I try to hold back a smile; he's breathtakingly handsome, and even more so with the glow from the moon overhead. "I love you, too."

I blink and press my lips to his. When I pull back, I burst out laughing.

"What?" He grins, not knowing why I'm laughing but finding it funny all the same. His eyes search my face closely. "What?" he asks again.

"When did we become such cornballs?" I snicker and then squeal when he digs his fingers into my sides. "Edward!" I cry through laughter. "Stop, I'm cold, and I swear to God, I'll pee!"

He stops immediately. "You're cold, baby?" His rubs his hands up and down my arms.

"Edward, I'm naked as fuck in the middle of a field at night. It's, like, thirty degrees. I'm _freezing_." I shake my head at his cluelessness. My teeth are practically chattering, for God's sake!

"Then, let's get you warmed up." He kisses my forehead and then pulls his sweater over his head to wrap me inside of it. He grabs my clothes and helps me put them back on.

I have serious déjà vu of the night we spent in the laundry room at that party a few months ago. I cannot believe how things have changed. How _I _have changed. I feel old in this moment—well, _older_. My birthday is coming up in March, and Edward's in January. Shit is moving forward at an alarming rate. It's scary, but it's also exciting.

But first we have to get through the holidays. I got lucky with Thanksgiving—Mom flaked, so Dad and I went to eat turkey down at the reservation with Jake and everyone else. But now it's Christmas, and I still have to get Edward a gift. He's promised to make Dad and me dinner on Christmas Eve, so it's only fair that I spend time with _his _"family," right?

"Edward?" I ask when we're back in the Impala where it's warm and toasty.

"What, baby?" he replies sleepily, his hand moving from the gearshift to my caress the side of my face.

I hesitate, but I know have to do it. It will make him happy, and I want him to be happy. I _love _him, so why wouldn't I grant him this one damn thing?

"Um…" I bite my lip and shake his hand away when he tries to pull it free from my teeth. "Stop!' I scowl at him playfully.

"Why are you acting like that?" he laughs at me softly. "Tell me." His hand rubs my leg comfortingly.

"I want to have dinner with you on Christmas." I gulp. "With Alice, Esme, and Carlisle."

He does a double-take at me. "Are you…" He's completely shocked. "Are you serious?"

I nod.

"Bella, wait. C'mere." He takes my hand and pulls so that I undo my belt and slide over to him. "I want that more than anything," he whispers, "but not if you're going to hang your face the whole time. I know how you feel about Alice, and she knows to keep her mouth shut from now on. She won't say anything to you, I promise. If she does, we'll leave. But she won't."

I snuggle into him. "'Kay."

"Huh," he snorts in amazement.

I look at him curiously and he's grinning. "What?"

He chuckles. "Nothing, it's just… wow. I am really fucking happy right now." He seems seriously astounded by this. "I can't remember the last time I felt like this."

I can't describe exactly why or how, but hearing him say those words makes me feel really fucking awesome. _I _did that. _I _made him smile like that. That is _my _smile. I love it.

I sigh and rest my head against his shoulder. "Good, I'm glad." I yawn.

Before I know it, we're at my house. I don't want to go inside, I want to stay with Edward. I groan and whine and make him kiss me about twenty times before I finally unlock my front door and step inside. It's late and Dad's snoring in his chair in front of the TV. I wake him and tell him to go to bed because I'm home now. He checks the time—ten minutes early. Take _that_, Dad!

Then I'm in bed, and I'm relaxed and sleepy and sore. It's nothing major, just little tugs at my muscles here and there. _Definitely _felt a bit of discomfort in my hoo-ha when I was walking up the stairs, and yet the entire time… I was smirking. Why does it feel good to have an achy cooter? Seriously, what the hell is _wrong _with me? I laugh into my pillow.

I grab my phone to send a text to Edward, but I see that he's already beaten me to it.

_**I love you**_**. – Your cornball boyfriend. **

I laugh and reply quickly.

_Love you, too. – Your cornball girlfriend. _

-x-

_It lies deep inside_

_you cannot hide_

_it's the meanest fire_

_Oh, it's a strange desire_

_you can not lie_

_that's a needless fight_

_This is where your sanity gives in_

_and love begins_

_Never lose your grip_

_don't trip_

_don't fall_

_you'll lose it all_

_The sweetest way to die_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Paralyzed__ by The Cardigans_. AMAZING song. It helped me write the lemon scene!

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teasers for this fic, you might want to check out my twitter/tumblr.

**TK FIC REC:** Sleep On The Floor by sexycereal (complete) College. E/B. _**I LOVE THIS FIC!**_

**Update schedule has changed to every ten days** and not every Friday. This is to ensure that I am not posting piece of shit chapters. This means that next update will be next Friday, January 27th.


	28. Know This, I've Noticed

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. If it was, Robsten and I would be besties and when I finally got Ryan Gosling to marry me, we would all double date.

SHOUT OUTS—_**Jess:**__ Love you. I will get you blogging, soon. It's a challenge I am willing to accept. __**DarlingSaila**__: Thank you for being extra special this week during beta time. Lord knows I understand how certain "distractions" can cause havoc. Many Robsten hugs for you. _

_**EVERYONE:**__ Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you're all amazing. I really hope you come to learn how much I appreciate you even when at times (okay I won't lie, most of the time) I fail to reply to your wonderful comments. I love you all._

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ your telepathic skills you share with your father fail you at the dinner table.

**Ch. 28**: _Know This, I've Noticed_

Time is fucking me up and I'm not even high. Everything just feels so _fleeting._ Like a fistful of sand, it slips through the cracks and down it goes, no matter what you do or say.

That "through the hourglass" analogy is no joke. It makes me kind of sad because I'm graduating in six months and everything is going to be different. I won't have cheerleading anymore, or play fights with Dad, or battle of wills with Royce, or pinching wars with Jake, or…

Or late nights with Edward sneaking through my window.

"Hello? Are you still there?" Rosalie's irritated tone snaps me back into the present.

"Oh," I laugh apologetically. "Sorry, I guess I sort of spaced out for a second."

She sighs. "I know I'm not as fun as I used to be, but you can at least _pretend _like you miss me and want to talk to me," she teases, though I know a small part of her is telling the truth.

"Don't say that." I run my fingers through my hair and lean back against the headboard on my bed. "I'm just nervous, and I miss you, and I just feel like everything is moving too fast. I have absolutely _no _control over my life anymore. Why did it seem like I had everything planned out and now I don't know, or understand, _anything_?"

Rosalie clicks her tongue softly. "Breathe, Bella. It's going to be okay. This stuff is supposed to happen, all right? It's part of growing up and becoming… _dun-dun-dun!_ An adult!"

I smile despite my mood. "I don't wanna."

She giggles. "Too late, Bell. You're halfway there, so enjoy it. I wish I had your freedom."

"Well, now I feel bad." I frown into my phone. "I didn't mean to depress you, or shove in your face that… ugh! I'm sorry."

"Stop," she snaps. "Don't even go there. Now, shut up and tell me what you're going to wear tomorrow?"

I groan. "I don't know."

"Lord have mercy, Isabella Swan. What would you do without me? Go get your laptop and meet me on Skype in the next five minutes. We're going to find you something to wear, and then we're going to go over proper discussions to use at the dinner table. Because, sweetie?" She pauses. "It is not okay to quote Will Ferrell movies and throw your food at them if they don't understand the reference."

I click my tongue. "Oh, my god, it was _one _time_—_okay, maybe four—but Dad _so _knew that line. He was being a shit on purpose because he knows I hate to be embarrassed in front of people."

"No excuse. Oh, also, it is not okay to look at Edward and say, 'remember that one time?' and then wink at him while clicking your tongue twice. Your dad will go apeshit." I can't believe her utter lack of faith in my table etiquette! "And stop cursing me out in your thoughts."

I inhale sharply at her psychic abilities. "Stop that, you!"

"You are such a nerd," she laughs.

"What are you going to do for the holidays? Are your aunt and uncle going to do anything?" I ask, curious to know what she'll be doing for Christmas.

"Well," she says and pauses for a breath, "my uncle brought home a tree and my aunt and I decorated it. Then we directed my uncle and his friend while they put lights up around the house. It looks pretty good, actually, I'll take a picture and send it to you."

I smile at the semi-happy tone in her voice. "Sounds like it's not _too _bad over there, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I already said it wasn't that bad over here. I'm just nervous about how it's all going to go down when the baby comes. Honestly, I think my aunt is on my side sometimes," she says in confidence.

"Really?" I gasp, sitting up so fast that I almost drop the phone. "How so?"

"Well…" she whispers. "She asked me if I thought of any baby names."

I literally feel a jolt of shock zip through me. "Oh!" I exclaim. "That reminds me," I say as my mind flips from one thought to the next. "I have a name if it's a girl."

"Wow, random." Rosalie snorts. "I just told you my aunt might be on my side and it reminds you of a baby name?"

"It just came to me: _Lylli_, but it's spelled L-_Y_-L-L_-I_." I turn over over onto my back on my bed. "You see? I flipped the Y and the I."

"Ugh! No. Just no." I frown at her through the phone as she shoots it down so quickly. "There will be no flower names, because I will not subject her—if it's a her—to a life where every guy she dates brings her a fistful of lilies."

I fight back a laugh. "Speaking from experience?"

"Shut up," she mutters.

"Okay, okay. So, no-go on Lylli." I don't see why it can't even be a possibility.

"No," she immediately confirms.

"Although, my spelling is killer." I roll my eyes and stretch my legs up in the air, extending my toes. "Despite the fact that your aunt obviously has been abducted and body-snatched, she has a good point. _Have_ you thought about names? Or, like… what you hope it's going to be?"

"I want to," she replies, "I really do, but…"

"Rose," I exhale her name and sit up in my bed. "I've been putting this off for as long as I can about 'he who shall not be named,' but I think it's time. He's actually kind of cool, and as shocking as it is to admit, he's also kind of dependable." I bite my lip and wait for her response.

She's quiet for a beat too long for comfort, then she sighs deeply. "I suppose I knew this was inevitable."

"Huh?" I curl my lip.

She snorts. "He can be really charming, can't he?"

"Rose…" I'm speechless. What is she getting at here?

"He sure knows how to make a girl feel special, I'll tell you that. He has a way of flashing those deep blue eyes, and that devilish smirk at you, that makes you feel as if you're the only person he sees." She sounds wistful as she speaks, and I keep my mouth shut to let her continue. "I swear on everything, Bella, I have never felt as beautiful or desirable than whenever I was with him. And I'm not modest, okay? You know that, but I never _felt _it as much as I did when I was with Royce. Jesus, I just said his name. I don't think I've even uttered his name out loud in months."

I chew my lip and wonder if it's okay to ask her questions about Royce.

She laughs suddenly and says, "Did you know he has my name tattooed on his pelvis? Right beneath that sexy _V_ muscle guys have."

"Oh, my God, _really? _Are you fucking with me right now?" I question demandingly as I try to think of which side it could be on. If I had known, I would have paid closer attention when I got that sneak peek of Royce in the bathroom at the hospital.

"God, we were _so _wasted," she reminisces with a giggle. "He got the tattoo for free from a friend while in the back room at a party in Port Angeles. It's actually not that bad."

"You know he still loves you, right?" I say despite the warning bells blaring inside of my head.

A deep breath of air is blown into the receiver from her end, making me wince and pull the phone away from my ear. I think I've gone too far this time, but she has to know. I can't stand to see him mope around anymore. If I'm the reason Edward is trying to improve himself, who is to say Rosalie can't do that for Royce?

"Bella," she groans. "Please don't do this."

"Don't do what?" I jump to my feet and start to pace in front of my window.

A cry of frustration escapes her. "Damn it, Bella! I know, all right? I _know _he still loves me because he calls me and leaves me voice messages when he's drunk or high off blow. He texts me all the fucking time asking if I'm okay, if the baby is okay, if I need anything, or if I want him to come and bring me home."

Shock doesn't even begin to explain what I am feeling right now after hearing her confession. I had no idea it was that bad for Royce. It's so heartbreaking.

"I…" I bite my lip. "I just… I feel so bad for him, Rosalie. I mean, you must have felt something for him. Why else would he be this attached? That's his kid in there, too, you know."

"Whose side are you on?" she scoffs angrily.

"Yours," is my immediate answer. "Always yours, Rose. I just want to understand, that's all."

"Fine." Her tone is resolved. "I'll tell you and then we never talk about it again, okay?"

I nod my head like a child and cry, "Okay! Yes! I promise!"

"I loved him at some point—I won't lie and say that I never did—but I stopped loving him the day I told him I was late and he slapped five hundred dollars into my hand to 'fix it.' I couldn't believe he did that. He never once asked what I wanted to do, and he didn't comfort me or lie and tell me everything was going to be okay. If he loved me, he wouldn't have treated me like some cheap whore. You will never understand how much that hurt me, how dismissed I felt." Her voice shakes.

"_Asshole_," I mutter with the intent to find Royce and rip him a new one.

"Then, all of a sudden, he's begging me to forgive him and take him back. He said he was fucked up on blow, and said he'd never do it again. He said we'd figure things out together. What a joke! I didn't even realize how bad his drug habit was until I thought I might be pregnant, and then suddenly, everything became clear. I saw him for who he really was, and I had to make a choice. I made the right one. Don't you even try to make me feel bad about it!" she bawls.

"I'm not," I whisper raggedly, my heart in my throat. "I'm sorry, Rosalie. I didn't know. All I know is how he is now; he's changed. He doesn't drink or party like he used to. He has his brothers and sister to take care of—"

"Jackie find a new boyfriend?" she interrupts with a snort. "She is such a shit example for a mother. That was the only time Royce ever cared to get his act straight—whenever his mom took off on them and he was left to look after the kids. That's another reason I didn't understand why he reacted the way he did about the baby. He would be a good dad, Bella. I'm not saying he wouldn't, but I can't take the chance that he might relapse."

"Hey," I stop her. "You're completely right. I'm not saying you need to take him back—Royce still has a long way to go—I just thought that maybe he could have something to look forward to, something to hold onto when he's having a weak moment or something."

Her exhale is shaky, but the tears are gone from her words. "I'll talk to him," she replies in a small voice, "but I promise nothing."

"You owe him nothing," I respond firmly.

She laughs softly, without humor. "If he's serious about turning things around, then I want to help. But my heart is closed, Bella. I can't even let Emmett in and I blame it on Royce. I hate that I miss him sometimes, and I hate that I'm even saying this shit! Damn it, I was doing so well. I had almost convinced myself I was over him. I _am _over him. I'm done."

I say nothing, because I know she's not talking to me.

"_Bella!_" Dad calls from downstairs.

"I gotta go, Dad is calling me. Are you going to be okay?" I ask, worried.

"Yeah. I'm just emotional and all over the place. This baby is kicking my ass." She blows out a breath of air. "Go on, we'll Skype tomorrow before your dinner and I'll help you get dressed."

"I love you, Rose," I tell her unwaveringly.

I know she smiles at this. "Love you, too, Bell."

"I love the belly bean, too," I add. "You're not alone. I'll bring you home anytime you want, you know that, right?"

"Yes." She sniffles. "Now go before you make me cry again." Her laugh is playful but melancholy.

It breaks my heart.

-x-

Edward is downstairs waiting for me when I finally end my call with Rose. Dad smirks at me with a raised brow and nods his head in the direction of the kitchen. I can hear Edward moving things around inside, and curiously I look at Dad, who just shrugs his shoulders and tells me he's going to Billy's house.

"You stay downstairs." He touches his finger to my nose. "I mean it, Bella. You two are at no time allowed upstairs in your room."

I roll my eyes. "Dad, seriously? I'm not a child."

He says nothing and instead stares me down without blinking. He's like an intimidating statue with creepy eyes and the complementary 'stache above his lip. I have no choice, so I agree. There went sexy times. When he's gone, I shut and lock the door behind him and meet Edward in the kitchen. He's busy stuffing our refrigerator and cupboards with groceries. Is that a turkey he just shoved into the fridge?

"What are you doing?" I ask, slowly entering the room with caution.

"Getting ready for tomorrow," he says without turning around.

I pause and watch him closely—something's wrong. "Hey," I whisper, coming up from behind him to slide my hands under his shirt and hoodie to flatten my palms against his naked chest. "What's wrong?" I ask and press the side of my face against his back while rubbing my hands up and down his torso.

He sighs deeply and stops what he was doing at the counter to hug my hands to him tighter. "Just stupid shit, it's nothing."

"It's not nothing." I pull away and wait until he turns around to face me before I speak again. "What is it?"

His eyes close while he clenches his jaw. "We don't have to do this now." His eyes open and lock with mine. "Let's just wait until after the holidays, okay?"

I shake my head. "No. Not okay."

He groans and pulls me into the living room and onto his lap so that I straddle him. His hands go to either side of my face. "Aro wants me to do a job for him. I said no, but he's dangling shit in my face that he knows I want." He pauses. "I think I'm going to do it."

"Do what?" I ask worriedly. "What is it that he wants you to do?"

Edward grimaces. "Someone stiffed Aro out of some money. The fucker is being really arrogant about it, too, so Aro wants me to, uhh…" He clears his throat. "Take care of it."

"Why you?" I place my hands on his jaw and caress the sides of his face with my thumbs.

His sigh exhales long and slow and it feels as if his entire body deflates. "Because it's my fault. I vouched for the guy and he tried to screw Aro over. It's my responsibility to clean it up, make things right." He rubs his hands over his face.

"And by 'make things right' you mean?" My palms scratch against his stubble.

It's so obvious that he doesn't want to tell me. I worry that he's going to lie. He gulps and looks up into my eyes. "This is the part of me I was hoping you would never get to know."

I press my forehead to his. "And I told you that I want _all _of you. Even those dark parts you don't want me to."

He lifts his chin and kisses me. "And I love you for that, but…" He sighs. "That 'dark part' of me is the part that scares you away from me. I don't want that—_ever_, Isabella."

"Then, don't." I shake my head. "Tell him no." He tries to pull his face out of my hands to look away, but I refuse to release him. "Tell him _no_, Edward. Do it for me."

His face crumbles. "Please," he whispers, "don't make me promise that. I _need _this. I need to know…"

"Know what?" I fist his sweater in my hands. "What is it that you're not telling me?"

His nose nuzzles mine and his eyes go to my lips. I lick them involuntarily and he moves in hesitantly to kiss me. One small, chaste kiss. He pulls back as if waiting for permission to continue, for acceptance of him through one simple, reciprocal kiss. He's vulnerable, unlike I'm used to seeing him. How can something so small hold so much weight in one moment with someone who I swear is one of the toughest guys on the planet?

Most times I think it's Edward who has all the control in our relationship, but then he looks at me as if I'm the most important thing in his life. It scares me how intense it feels, but it's the good kind. The kind that's scary, but rewarding at the same time. Like bungee jumping or sky diving. I'm still in free-fall, and I don't know if I'll ever hit bottom. Like a bungee cord, I'm tugged back up before I fall back down all over again.

I wonder if he knows that. I wonder if Edward _really _knows how crazy I am about him. Crazy enough to accept the things about him that any smart girl would run away from. Maybe we're both just crazy, period—insane and disconnected from reality.

"Bella," Edward whispers at my jaw, his lips warm and inviting.

My lips gravitate toward his on their own, like magnets. We kiss and he deepens it, his hands clutch at my waist, his tongue dives into my mouth and I whimper. Then he pulls my body flush against his, my breasts smashed against his chest and my stomach over his solid frame. He overwhelms me with the sudden sense of urgency in his kisses and the neediness in his hands as they grope me all over. Before I know it he's tugging at the zipper of my jeans, and just as he's about to touch me, I gasp and slam my hands against his chest to shove him away.

Crestfallen, he starts to get up from the couch. I stop him and shake my head. My dad will kill me, but I've come to realize that Edward is a physical person. He reacts to every emotion through some sort of physical action—anger, sadness, contentment, love… all require certain acts of violence or intimacy. Which is why I take his hand and I pull him upstairs to my room. I'm breaking all the rules for this one.

It's a good thing I know he's _the _one.

-x-

_Wall Post: _**Jacob Black **_posted a new picture. _

Comments:

**Paul Lahote** dude, Jared looks so wasted.

**Jared Cameron** shut up, Paul! You were wasted, too.

**Quil Ateara** gotta love those Quileute bonfires, man!

**Sam Uley **_likes this._

**Seth Clearwater **ah, man, I never get to have any fun! When did you guys sneak the beers? I had to sit and listen to Jake's dad tell tribal stories ALL NIGHT LONG!

**Embry Call **Paul, you look like you're ready to puke, hahaha!

**Paul Lahote **nah, that was you, bro

**Jared Cameron** oh, BURN!

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status:<strong>

**Jasper Whitlock** NYE is going to be epic this year.

Comments:

**Emmett McCarty **fuck yeah!

**Irina Denali** so excited!

**Jessica Stanley **party like it's 1999—er, what year do we say now that we're like, wayyy past '99? LOL!

**Tia Kebi **how about… 2099?

**Liam Hunter **close enough, babe

**Austin Marks** kegs will be delivered by my brother at seven, will your parents be gone by then, Whitlock?

**Jasper Whitlock** yeah, they leave for Maui at ten in the morning. I won't see them until well after the new year. Haha.

**Chelsea Salvatore **we get to crash there, right? I can't get a DD, and I don't trust Jen or Irina to stay sober enough to drive.

**Irina Denali **screw you, and I never said I'd be DD. It's Lauren's turn this time anyway.

**Lauren Mallory **no, it's not! It's Jen's!

**Jennifer Ford **since when? I drove last time!

**Lauren Mallory **no, that was Jessica who drove last time. Damn it! Times like this I really miss Bella.

**Jessica Stanley **she's too good for Forks parties now, didn't you know?

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Between _**Rosalie Hale** _and _**Royce King**

**Rosalie Hale **I talked to Bella. If you're serious about straightening up, I'm here if you need to talk.

**Royce King **don't pity me, Rose. I haven't called or texted you in over two weeks, I know your routine. You dangle me on the line until I finally let go, and then you reel me back just so you can fuck with me all over again.

**Rosalie Hale** I'm so done with the games, Royce. I have bigger things to deal with.

**Royce King **things that you've decided to deal with on your own.

**Rosalie Hale **please don't start. Are you cleaning up or not?

**Royce King **yes, but not for you.

**Rosalie Hale **I don't care who you do it for, Roy.

**Royce King **yes, you do.

**Rosalie Hale **no, I don't. Unless you mean for the baby—which I know you don't, because you didn't even want him/her to begin with.

**Royce King **how long do you plan to shove that in my face? I was NOT myself that night, and I regret it every day. Have I not made a complete fool of myself since then begging for your forgiveness?

**Rosalie Hale **you hurt me.

**Royce King **I know I did, and I swear on my life that I will never do it again.

**Rosalie Hale **how can I ever trust you again? It's not even about me, Roy. I'm pregnant! How do I know you won't change your mind?

**Royce King **you know I won't. You KNOW me, Rosalie.

**Royce King **answer your phone, baby. Please.

**Rosalie Hale **I can't. If I hear your voice… I just can't. I'm not ready yet.

**Royce King **Yes, I'm serious. I'm fixing things in my life to be a better person. I see what Bella does for Edward, I want to be like that someday.

**Rosalie Hale **I want that for you, too.

**Royce King **you think we could ever be like that again?

**Rosalie Hale **we're too different, Royce. We come from two separate worlds.

**Royce King **no, we don't, Rosalie. We were both born on Earth. Both born in the USA. Both born in Washington state. Both born in the two smallest fucking adjoining towns ever. The only thing that separates us is you.

**Rosalie Hale **I'm sorry I let everyone think Emmett is the father.

**Royce King **I'm sorry I let you get on that plane to Texas.

**Rosalie Hale **I'm not. I think I need this. Just promise to take care of Bella for me. She's a lot more fragile than you think.

**Royce King **She's a lot stronger than you know, Rosalie.

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Between _**Rosalie Hale** _and _**Bella Swan**

**Rosalie Hale **Bailey likes anything that sparkles or shines. She loves those Disney princesses—Snow White is her favorite.

**Rosalie Hale **Jack loves Harry Potter.

**Rosalie Hale **Sam is years ahead of his age. He likes to build model airplanes, the more complex the better.

**Bella Swan** thanks, Rose. I've been going crazy trying to decide what to get them. You know me so well. I'm always the last one running around for gifts.

**Rosalie Hale **I'm sorry that I took for granted how amazing you are.

**Bella Swan **you okay? Lol

**Rosalie Hale **Yeah.

-x-

When I open the front door at eight in the morning the next day, I'm expecting annoying carolers or having to sign for a package—hell, I even expect to see Edward—but that's not who is on my doorstep. My guesses could not have been further away from the truth.

It's my mom.

"Hi, baby!" she squeals and launches herself at me. "Oh, I missed you!" Her voice in my ear is loud and obnoxious, and has she forgotten that I am _not _a morning person?

Then it hits me: My _mom _is here. Right in front of me—in Forks. "What are you doing here?" I gasp and pull her in for a hug. "I missed you, too."

She kisses my cheek and rubs her palm over it. "You look different." Her eyes search my face in that calculating way only mothers can do.

"Wh-what do you mean?" I stutter. Every bad thing I have ever done flies through my brain right now in a kaleidoscope of images and snapshots and sounds.

Her eyes widen as an epiphany takes over her features, and then she's yanking me back into her arms and she's squeezing me way too tight for someone of her size to achieve. She must be working out again. "Oh, my baby has become a woman!"

"Huh?" I'm so confused.

She pushes me back and holds me at arm's length, her fingers clamped down onto my shoulders. "Are you being safe?"

My knees almost give out. "Uh-I-wh-what?"

"Oh, honey." Her hands are so soft on my face. "Mothers know these things. You're in love, I can see it all over you." She smiles tenderly and then she smacks me on my shoulder. "Which also means you're having sex. So, I ask again, are you being safe?"

"Mom!" I shriek and search the room to see if my dad is anywhere within earshot.

"Relax." She rolls her eyes. "I just saw him on my way up the drive, he's headed for the station. You're safe, it can be our little secret." Her wink is borderline creepy.

I haven't seen this woman in, like, six months at the very least. We talk on the phone for an hour at least twice a month, and she emails me like I'm her blog. So, why—_how —_does she know? And if she can tell, does that mean my dad can, too? He does stare at me a lot nowadays; I thought he was working on his contest skills. Now I wonder if I was wrong.

"Mom." I shake my head at her. "What are you doing here?" Eventually, if I ask enough, she'll answer me. I know it.

"I felt so bad that I cancelled Thanksgiving with you, baby girl. I wanted to surprise you and come up here for Christmas. Are you surprised? I know you are!" Her eyes dance with light laughter, her smile is wide and genuine. It's the happiest I've ever seen my mother.

Either she just _got_ some, or she's _on _something. Either way, this bubbly act of hers is starting to freak me out. She's all up in my face and my business, and it is way too early in the morning for this. I haven't even had my cup of joe.

"Go upstairs and shower." She takes my hand in hers and pats the top of it. "I'll put on a pot of coffee and make you some breakfast."

Okay, now she's just being downright crazy! "Make me breakfast? What is up with you?" I know I seem bitchy and ungrateful, but my mother has not willingly cooked anything in her entire life. Not even when she went through her quasi-Suzie Homemaker phase.

"I miss you, honey." Her head tilts. "I haven't seen you in forever, and this is probably the last time we will see each other before you graduate."

She definitely has a point there. I nod my head and smirk at her giant grin. "I need to finish some Christmas shopping, want to drive to Port Angeles with me?"

Her hand is back on my face, soft, loving, and very warm. I lean into her palm, and yes, I miss her. I miss my mommy. It feels weird to call her that, or even think of her like that, but I do. I have so much I want to tell her and ask her. Despite the fact that we are so different, we've always been able to talk about things.

"I'd love to, sweetheart. Go shower and get dressed. I'll try not to burn the house down. Phil has taught me how to do the simple task of pancakes and eggs." Her wink makes me smile this time, it's warm and motherly and it makes me feel taken care of. I miss that.

"A few eggs means three, just so you know. It's not six." I feel the need to tell her what I have learned from Edward. (HAHAHA)

Her brow wrinkles. "It's not?"

I laugh. "Nope. We were so off, Mom. Good thing we met guys who know their way around the kitchen, since we certainly do not."

"Get out of here, you!" She playfully goes to smack my butt.

I squeal and yell at her to stop, and then I'm running upstairs to shower.

I love today.

-x-

**Facebook Status: **

**Rosalie Hale** OMGOMGOMGOMG!

Comments:

**Emmett McCarty **what? What? What?

**Bella Swan **?

**Jasper Whitlock **ditto to the above.

**Emmett McCarty **are you going to say anything, or…?

**Rosalie Hale **My uncle just bought me a car!

**Bella Swan **WHAT?

* * *

><p><em>Wall Post: <em>**Rosalie Hale **_has posted a new picture. _

Comments:

**Bella Swan **holy cow! Is that the newest Lexus on the market?

**Rosalie Hale **yep! OMG, I can't believe this. I was NOT expecting this AT ALL!

**Emmett McCarty **whoa, that is SICK! I want it, send it to me. It's mine.

**Jasper Whitlock **and to think I was excited for my new Jet Ski.

**Bella Swan **you and your richy-poo lives. I'm lucky if I get a gas card for xmas.

**Jasper Whitlock **Hey now, it's not about money.

**Rosalie Hale **but it helps! LOOK AT MY AWESOME CAR!

**Bella Swan **:P

**Emmett McCarty **sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

**Jasper Whitlock **Merry Christmas, Rose ;)

**Rosalie Hale **you, too Jaz :-*

**Emmett McCarty **god bless us, everyONE!

**Bella Swan **LOL! Merry XMAS!

**Jasper Whitlock **you and your txt lingo ;P

**Bella Swan **not as bad as some of the stuff I see on this site!

**Jasper Whitlock **yeah, I guess it could be worse

**Bella Swan **all right, brats, I'm out! Shopping with le mom

**Rosalie Hale **tell her hi for me!

**Emmett McCarty **me, tooooo!

**Jasper Whitlock **see ya 2mrw!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

**Makenna Levine **_invites _**Bella Swan **_to her NYE Bash. _

**Makenna Levine** hey Bella! I wanted to officially invite you to me and my brother's NYE party! Felix is friends with this guy who owns a bowling alley and we rented out the whole place! Glow bowling for the win! Hope to see you there.

**Bella Swan **oh, I am so there.

**Makenna Levine **yay!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Wall Post:_ to **E. Cullen **_from_ **Bella Swan**

**Bella Swan **glow bowling!

Comments:

**E. Cullen **so, she suckered you into it, huh?

**E. Cullen **I was sure I'd have to convince you with sexual favors.

**Bella Swan **damn, I should have kept my mouth shut.

**E. Cullen** never shut, baby. Always open.

**Bella Swan **dirty bird!

**Royce King **PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

**Royce King **switch this convo to private

**Jacob Black **agreed!

**Seth Clearwater **oh, my aching heart

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Seth Clearwater** _is now going to go jump off a bridge_

Comments:

**Leah Clearwater **so dramatic

**Paul Lahote **chill out, Seth, we'll let you be lookout next time

**Seth Clearwater **I don't care about the bonfire anymore! My heart is shattered like the chair Leah sat on this morning and broke

**Leah Clearwater **I DID NOT! It was an old, rusty chair!

**Jared Cameron** CLASSIC!

_3 people like this_

**Leah Clearwater **screw you all.

-x-

I am officially broke. And I don't just mean broke, I mean BROKE. I'm probably negative in my account. I had to borrow from my mom. I can't wait until I get the other half of the money Royce still owes me. Edward was ready to slap cash in my hands, but I shot that down quickly.

"Oh! Bella, come here!" Mom shouts from across the Macy's shoe department. "Remember when you were little and I used to put little Mary Jane's on you? Oh, you were _adorable!_" she coos happily. "It's just too bad you have a hard time with your balance now that you're older. Such a shame, you have great legs, baby."

My face catches fire as I duck my head and shuffle over. "Mom, please don't ever do that again." I hiss at her under my breath as my eyes dart around to see who is staring.

"Oh." She waves a flippant hand at me. "You'll never see these people again."

_Oh, Mother…_

"Hey, Bella!" Tia Kebi's hand is high over her head, shaking back and forth for my attention. Her other hand is linked with Liam Hunter's.

Well, well…

"You're welcome," I mumble under my breath. I'm the one who paired them up as base and flyer. I so made this happen. When they approach, I perk up and smile big. "Hey, you two!"

"Bella! Look at that, you have friends!" My mother decides right then to point out the fact that I used to be an invisible loser with no friends at one point. I know my face must be growing a darker shade of red, possibly purple, by the second.

Liam's eyes widen at me with colored cheeks. Kill me now; even the witnesses of said embarrassment are mortified! I knew I got my broken verbal filter from someone, I had thought it was possibly my dad, but I now see that it is one hundred percent all Renee.

"Uh, yeah…" Tia responds awkwardly. "Anyway." She turns to me. "Will we see you at Jasper's party next weekend?"

I shake my head. "No, this year I'm going to a party in La Push. Sorry." I frown, because I actually do feel sort of bad. "Besides, I doubt Jasper would be okay with his ex bringing her current boyfriend to his own party." I shrug.

"True," Tia laughs, "but Jas is cool like that, so I doubt he'd care too much. I mean, isn't he going to dinner with you and Edward tomorrow anyway?" She says this so calmly, her head resting back against Liam as if we were at school just shooting the breeze.

And then my 'Perfect Little Bella' act goes right out the window. "_What did you just say?" _I shout so loudly that everyone within hearing distance flinches. "How do you know that? Who said that? Did he say that? When did this happen?"

"I read it on his wall on Facebook." She backs away with Liam in tow. "I thought it meant you all were cool. He's dating Alice now, you know?"

No. I didn't know. I so fucking didn't know. Wait…

"No wonder he said he'd see me tomorrow! Oh, my God, I am going to _murder _that bi—"

"Bella!" Mom gasps in horror.

Oh. I forgot she was here.

Mom drags me out of the store and slaps me down onto the first bench she can. The mall is crowded with last-minute shoppers, but I'm so furious that I can't seem to care who I freak out in front of. We sit there, side by side, silently for a while as I scroll through my Facebook app on my phone looking for the post that started this mess. A few minutes pass by without any interruption from my mom—a miracle  
>at that—and then I find it.<p>

_Wall Post: to_ **Jasper Whitlock** _from_ **Alice Brandon**

**Alice Brandon** I'm so glad you're coming for dinner tomorrow. I know it will be awkward with Edward and Bella there, but it means SO MUCH to me that you're coming.

Comments:

**Jasper Whitlock** of course, anything for you

**Alice Brandon** ;)

I feel bile creep up my esophagus and lean over to rest my head between my knees while I breathe in and out of my nose slowly. I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do in order to not pass out, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing it wrong right now.

A small hand touches my back and begins to rub up and down my spine softly. "You want to tell me what's wrong?"

I snort and pull myself back upright—very slowly—before I look her in the face. "Where do you want me to start?"

She takes my hand in hers and sighs. "How about this, let's go eat at a restaurant of your choice, and I'll have them seat us somewhere in the back so we can talk. Sound good? I don't want my baby to be vulnerable in front of so many strangers. I swear it, Bella, you're bringing the mama bear out of me that I never knew I had right now."

I let her pull me up to my feet and then we link arms and leave the mall quietly. I'm glad I got all my shop—shit! I forgot Edward's gift.

"Mom." I look to her and sigh. "We have to make a stop first."

-x-

La Bella Italia is small and cozy when we walk inside. I've only been here once before with Edward, and we were almost asked to leave because we couldn't stop sucking each other's faces off. I wonder if they remember me. Mom asks for us to be seated in the back corner of the room, and because not many people are there, our hostess allows it. When we're finally seated and each handed a glass of ice water, Mom gets straight to the point.

"Tell me about Edward. You're so vague when we talk about him on the phone." Her eyes are kind but intrusive. "What happened to Jasper, and why is my baby threatening the lives of girls named Alice?" Her lips twitch as she holds back an amused laugh.

So not funny, Mom.

"First of all, I should tell you that Edward and I are as serious as it gets. He's it, Mom. He's my person." I hold my breath after the words are out in the open. Mom says nothing, she only watches me closely. "I love him. He loves me. Yes, we've… done it." I look down at my hands in my lap and squirm in my seat bashfully.

"And you're being… _safe?_" Her question sounds so formal, but I nod my head without much shame overcoming me like I thought it would.

Mom's always been so open about sex and relationships, and pretty much anything I've ever wanted to know. I love that about her. She'll never judge me—probably because she is the _last _person to judge anyone. Regardless, I'm not afraid to talk to my mom about Edward.

"Seeing what Rosalie's been going through, it's an eye-opener for sure, Mom." I sip from my water and run my fingers through my hair afterward. "At the moment, I'm having some issues with his choice of friends. His best friend, especially. Her name is Alice Brandon, and she's been in love with him for probably her whole life. She hates me and I hate her. She's a manipulative little bitch and now she's after my ex boyfriend, Jasper. He doesn't deserve to be used like that," I growl.

"How do you know she doesn't have feeling for him, too?" Mom shrugs.

I roll my eyes. "It's just a game she's playing, and she's only using him as a pawn. We're all her pawns."

"Wow," Mom snorts. "I think you give her far too much power and credit. You do understand that, don't you? It's only a 'game' if you play along with her. Otherwise, she's only playing with herself—_oh!_" She starts to giggle incessantly.

I have to laugh at how immature my mom can be sometimes. "You're right, but it's hard. She knows Edward so well, and it hate it because she knows more about him than I do."

"Oh, Bella." Her hand slides across the table for me to take. "If you love him as much as you say, and he loves you back just as much, no one will ever know either of you more than you know each other." Her fingers squeeze mine. "She knows she's lost the battle for his heart, it's why she's so angry and manipulative to begin with."

"I feel bad for her, but I also want to pound her face into the ground. Tomorrow night I'm supposed to have dinner with Edward with his family. Do you know who his family is?" My brow arches high. "Alice and her sister Esme, along with Esme's boyfriend, Carlisle. Not only that, but Alice has decided to invite _my _ex-boyfriend as her 'plus one.'" I air quote. "I want to make a good impression on Esme and Carlisle, because I know how much they mean to Edward, but I'm worried Alice will make me lose my temper. Or worse, she'll cause Edward to lose his."

Mom frowns and tilts her head. "Maybe one good, swift kick to ass wouldn't hurt…" She winks at me with a small smirk on her lips.

"He's supposed to make dinner tonight for me and Dad. Are you coming, too?" I ask with a slight tremor in my voice. I really hope she says no, but I feel bad for hoping so.

"No, I don't want to impose. I didn't expect your holiday to be all booked up." Her teasing tone makes me smile. "I guess I'll just wait it out, and you, me, and Phil can celebrate our own little Christmas together at the hotel the day after."

"I'd like that." I bring her hand up to lean my cheek against it. "I missed you, Mom."

Her eyes twinkle with unshed tears and I know exactly how she feels just by looking at her. We haven't spoken like this in years. Not face to face with her mothering touch and my appreciative smile. I take her for granted because she's not there. She may not have been the most conventional mother, but she's all I have and all I could ever ask for.

"Wow, Mom, we just had, like, an actual epic moment," I quip to lighten the mood.

She laughs and pulls her hand back to her side of the table. "Wasn't it?"

I nod. "Where'd you learn to be so insightful?"

"Well," she says as she exhales softly, "I did read this one article in _Parents Magazine_ once while Phil was training…"

We laugh and she sticks her fingertips into her water glass to flick at me. I yelp and flick her back with my own water attack. Right before it can get intense, our waitress comes over and asks us if we're ready to order.

"Yes," Mom starts, "but first, can we have two new glasses of water? These are dirty."

I love my mom.

-x-

"Nu-uh! Not so fast!" I stop him from sitting at the table and pull him into the living room.

He rolls his eyes with a giant huff and his usual indifferent scowl in place. "What, Bella?"

"Don't _'what' _me!" I groan. "Before we do this, I just want to run some things by you first, okay? Are you ready?"

He shifts his hand, palm-up, through the air to motion me to carry on.

"No jokes. No innuendoes. No quips. Don't even think of asking anything personal about me, because you won't get an answer, and you'll lose cool points. You got it?" I stare him right in the eyes.

He smirks devilishly. "So, I suppose asking him what kind of gel he uses for his hair is out of the question?" His brows bounce jokingly.

My head falls back on my shoulders with a giant sigh. "This was such a bad idea."

"I don't see why you are making such a fuss over this. It's _dinner, _for cryin' out loud, Bella." His mustache wiggles like a grumpy caterpillar.

I heave a deep sigh. "This was a bad idea."

"Oh, Bells, calm yourself before you get your underwear in a bunch. It's just dinner, and by the smell of things?" He continues quite pleasantly surprised, "A pretty damn good one." Then he slips past me into the kitchen to sit at the table.

My gaze meets Edward's and he winks at me reassuringly. I don't know how it is that he's keeping so calm. How is it that he's _always _so calm? I sigh and blow the hair out of my face while Edward motions me over to him by the sink.

"I'm so glad my mom isn't here, too. I don't think I would be able to handle the embarrassment." I bury my face in his chest and hug my arms around him.

The kitchen smells marvelous. I move away so that Edward can pull a casserole Esme prepared for us out of the oven. God bless her, the scent of cheese and potatoes makes my mouth water. The turkey—that Edward called and woke me up at _four a.m. _to put into the oven!—is glazed and looks amazing. I wonder if Edward would be opposed to going to culinary school. He's fucking remarkable around the kitchen, and he makes it all seem so easy to do—which it so is not, because I have proven that time and time again.

"Can you hand me that rag over there?" Edward points somewhere behind me and goes back to arranging the turkey on the silver serving plate I know he must have borrowed from Esme, as well.

I do as he asks and then stop him from what he's doing to bring his face down to mine to kiss him deeply. "I love you," I whisper to him.

He smiles and kisses me back, then says, "I love you, too, baby."

-x-

Table is set. Food is served—after a small debate over who was going to cut the turkey, Dad won—and no one has spoken yet. The food is excellent, and if Edward wasn't already a keeper before, he definitely is now. All in all, I would say things are going well.

The scrape of forks on plates, sips of drinks, the crunch of steamed vegetables—that apparently I did not steam long enough—are heard while the only actual form of conversation has been limited. For instance, Dad grunted that Edward wasn't too bad in the kitchen. That was about seven minutes ago.

Then, suddenly, Dad breaks the silence. "So, Edward," he starts with his fork up in the air.

I tense up.

"Tell me about yourself," he continues relentlessly, "aside from what I already know from your records."

I would face-plant into my dinner, but it's too delicious to ruin. "Dad," I groan, "we talked about this."

He shrugs. "It's just a simple question." He looks over at Edward. "Well? C'mon, Edward. Tell me your hopes and dreams." Dad has the audacity to rest his chin in hand as he stares across the table at the poor innocent boy beside me.

Edward has the good sense not to hesitate too long. He slowly sets his utensils down and takes a small sip from his water glass. "What, exactly, is it that you want to know…" He pauses to look up at my father. "Mr. Swan?"

Dad smirks and pulls back to spear a piece of turkey on his place. "_Charlie_," he corrects before he continues, "how about what you plan to do when you graduate?"

I watch as Edward very carefully wipes his mouth on his napkin while he considers his answer. I must say, I'm dying to know myself what he plans to do. I mean, I know I want to go to Vassar, but aside from that, I have no fucking clue. Then again, do any of us know what we want to do at this point in our lives? I used to think I did, I really did. Now? Not so much. To decide just feels so… final.

"Honestly, Charlie?" Edward clears his throat and looks directly into my dad's eyes. "I don't know." He shrugs. "I don't like to think that far ahead. For me, it's unrealistic."

I dig my nails into my palms while I sit on my hands. I was afraid he would say exactly that, and as much as I hate that he said it to my dad, I hate more that he said it at all.

Dad's mouth falls open slightly from shock. He quickly closes it when I kick him inconspicuously under the table and guzzles from his juice glass. Edward pushes his food around his plate, deep in thought and not looking at either of us. Dad's eyes catch mine and I raise my brows to signify that he should encourage Edward somehow.

"_What?"_ Dad mouths at me and shrugs his shoulders, clueless.

"_Say something!_" I mouth back at him and tilt my head to my left where Edward is sitting.

"_Say what?_" His hands rise up this time to show how confused he is.

I point to my plate and rub my stomach. I'm hoping that our father-daughter ESP is on point tonight. I want him to compliment Edward and encourage him about his cooking. I really think he could make something out of this as a career. He makes cooking seem so easy, and it's _so fucking good!_

However, my dear ol' dad misinterprets my small attempt at charades. Instead of seeing me point to the _food _and _then _my tummy, he just sees me rubbing my stomach, causing his eyes pop open as he points at me and mouths, "_You're pregnant?" _

I choke on my cranberry juice and spit it onto my plate. Both Edward and my dad slap hands against my back to help me out. It actually makes things worse. I have to push them away from me before I can take a full breath of air into my lungs.

"No!" I hiss at my stunned father.

"Oh," he sighs in relief, and then it hits him. "Ohhhh!" I nod my head at him and he looks at his food, and then at me, and then at Edward. I want, for the second time that night, to face-plant into my plate. Then Dad scratches behind his ear and grumbles, "Yeah, well… I don't think you should… you know…" He pauses and I roll my eyes and shake my head at the roof.

Then Dad just drops the front and goes in for the kill.

"You're way too young to be that jaded, son." Dad's tone of voice surprises me, because it's compassionate.

Edward's head pops up curiously. "Excuse me?"

With a sigh, Dad runs a hand over his head and then rolls his wrist at us. "You kids these days. You have no idea of what's out there, just… _waiting _for you." He frowns and leans back in his chair. "You're a damn fine cook, boy, and you did it all by yourself. That's not something a guy your age—hell, any age—could do unless they had talent. Perseverance. You're, uh, you're really focused when you cook. I noticed it, and I know Bella did, too. She was the one who was pouting back and forth from the kitchen to the living room because she wasn't the center of your attention."

I glare at Dad, but it's meaningless. I fucking love my dad, he's awesome, and I don't know why, but for some reason, Edward is totally hanging onto his words.

Then Dad chuckles. "You know, I used to hate when I was younger and someone would say to me, 'I see myself in you.' 'Cause back then, I was a stubborn and arrogant little son of a bitch." He stops to take a bite of his food and chews slowly while we wait patiently for him to keep going. "So, I'm not gonna say that to you. But I _will _say that I understand that negative feeling you have in the pit of your stomach whenever you even attempt to think about getting out of a small town. The only thing I can say to you is that the only shit—er…" He clears his throat and gives me an apologetic look. "…thing that's holding you back is yourself. Yes, you'll have to work your ass off, and yes, it will feel like forever before you catch a break, but do you really want to stay where you are… forever? Because even if you tell yourself it's just for a year and then you'll get serious, it turns into two years, and three years, and then suddenly you're plantin' roots in the very place you wanted out of."

I gulp as I see regret on my dad's face. Wow, it never really occurred to me that he might have wanted something more than Forks. Mom had gotten pregnant pretty much straight out of high school, and I guess I just assumed my dad was all for starting a family in Forks. At least, that was the way my mom always made it sound.

"Now, don't get me wrong, Bells." He turns his gaze upon me. "Having you was the best thing that's ever happened to me. You'll understand what I mean when you have a child of your own—but much, _much_ farther into your future."

I smirk at him and turn my head to look at Edward. He's staring back at me, and though he still has a slightly dejected expression plastered across his face, he also has a small sliver of something else. I don't want to call it hope, because I don't think that's what it is, but determination, maybe?

"All I'm saying is that nothing is ever final until it's… _final_," Dad enunciates so that we turn our eyes back to him. "Or how about this, you love my Bella, right?"

Edward nods without hesitating. I swallow a sharp gasp of surprise at my dad's intrusive statement, but under the table I reach for Edward's knee. He waits a beat before he slides his hand down to his lap and covers my fingers with his.

Dad nods—he knew the answer, but having it confirmed obviously pleases him a bit. "Okay, so think of it like this: You love her, so you want what's best for her, and I'm gonna tell you right here and right now, son," he says as he shakes his head, "that she's just like her mother in some ways more than others. And the one piece of advice I can give you?" He grunts. "Don't ever give her an ultimatum, or make her feel like she's been given one. 'Cause if you do, she'll run faster than you have time to explain that that's not even what you meant."

I'm not even sure what—or _who_—we're talking about anymore.

"Want more, son…" His gaze drops down to his place. "Just… want more."

Edward squeezes my hand tightly, and I squeeze his right back just as strong.

-x-

_You're a firehead in my mind_

_But you're out of bounds and that is fine_

_I don't know why they store them up like they do_

_But I know you've got better things to do_

_Know this, know this_

_I' ve noticed that you're not fine_

_There's that moment then_

_Ah and again_

_I haven' t forgotten a single one_

_I look out for you_

_I swear I do_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Know This, We've Noticed by An Horse_. AMAZING song. I've had it on repeat for a while now.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teasers for this fic, you might want to check out my twitter/tumblr.

I've also opened up a new blog at wordpress. I will be posting my teasers and images and whatever I feel like there. Link in profile, hope to see you there.

**TK FIC REC:** Branching Inward by LifeInTheSnow (complete) **This fic OWNS me right now.**

**Next post…** I don't want to post a date, because it's obvious that I am unable to meet the deadline. Therefore, I can only promise that I will always post within two weeks of the last update. If you follow my twitter, you will always be up to date on the status of TSB. Don't be shy to ask me whatever you want—as long as you ask it in a way that does not come across as snobby.

**I STRESS**: please check my twitter if you're worried about the story. I will be setting up a page strictly dedicated to TSB very soon. This page when it is finished will have a FAQ page with any questions you might have. I will post this link on my profile when it is ready.

Thank you, besitos!

P.S. (**SPOILER ALERT!**) Shower lemon, next chapter. ;)


	29. Please, Warm the Blood Inside My Veins

**Disclaimer:** Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would bury Rob's buzzcut between my legs and breasts. I have a thing about buzzcuts—especially when the guy has facial hair. *shivahs*

**SHOUT OUTS**—_Jess: Sup, bitch. You know you're number one even when I lose at our Tumblr "ask" wars, lol.__DarlingSaila: You never cease to amaze me, BB. Thank you for all you do and for being so patient with my indecisive ass. You always keep your cool with me and that makes you number one in my book, love!_

_**EVERYONE:** Muchas gracias for reading, reviewing, lurking, recommending, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you are the bees knees. You are this story. Thank you for not flaming the fuck out of me for how long this update took to get posted._

_This chapter is NSFW (even though I wrote it at work, LMAO)._

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

**Ch. 29:** _Please, Warm the Blood Inside My Veins_

**Facebook Status: **

**Seth Clearwater** _MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!_

Comments:

**Jacob Black **Merry Christmas, Seth!

**Emily Clearwater **Merry Christmas, cuz!

_11 people like this. _

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Emmett McCarty** _Best Christmas ever!_

Comments:

**Adrienne McCarty **you're a dork, Emmy

**Emmett McCarty **don't be jealous because Mom and Dad got me the best gift out of all of you

**Matthew McCarty **speak for yourself, bro, Mom and Pop clearly see me as the favorite

**Adrienne McCarty **I think not, did you see what she got ME? iPad2, I win!

**Matthew McCarty **We all got one.

**Emmett McCarty **yeah, mine says "To our favorite son" on the back.

**Adrienne McCarty **you are such a liar.

**Matthew McCarty **mine says "To our bestest and smartest son ever."

**Adrienne McCarty **well, MINE says "To our princess, love Mom & Pop."

**Emmett McCarty** white flag, man down, you win. I'm so jealous I'm not their little princess anymore. Ever since the two of you were born, my glass slippers and crown were taken away!

**Matthew McCarty **You scare me sometimes, Em.

**Adrienne McCarty **Mom said to come downstairs and watch Christmas movies with us or she's gonna unplug the wireless router.

**Matthew McCarty **fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

**Emmett McCarty **COOKIES!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Wall Post:_ to **Royce King **_from_ **Bella Swan**

**Bella Swan **_Merry Christmas, punk!_

Comments:

**Royce King **Merry Christmas, doll.

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Seth Clearwater **_Don't hate me cuz you ain't me! _

**Seth Clearwater **_has added a new photo to his profile. _

Comments:

**Leah Clearwater **when the hell did you take that? DELETE IT!

**Paul Lahote **omg, is that YOU in the background looking like a grandma in her nightie, Leah?

**Jared Cameron** dude! Granny panties are HOT!

**Leah Clearwater **DELETE THIS OR YOU WILL DIE, SETH!

**Jacob Black **hahaha, did you even know she was in the background, Seth?

**Seth Clearwater **NO! I SWEAR! I just wanted to show off my new kicks!

**Leah Clearwater **I. WILL. END. YOU. SETH.

**Quil Ateara** Nice kicks, Seth, nice ASS, Leah! haha

**Sam Uley **_likes this._

**Embry Call **SO about to save this.

**Sam Uley **I mean the kicks.

**Jared Cameron **OH, BURN!

-x-

I'm pacing back and forth in the living room in Edward's apartment. I've never been so nervous in my life. What if they don't like me? Esme and Carlisle, that is—I couldn't care less about Alice. This is a deal breaker, isn't it? If they don't like me, it could cause a critical rift between Edward and me.

I'm even more appreciative of my dad now that he has decided to not be a total ass to my boyfriend.

Seriously, my dad is awesome, and I need to tell him that more often. Yesterday got kind of weird at the end of dinner. I know Dad realized it, because soon he was asking Edward about Esme and Carlisle and then Edward lit up like a tree. Now I'm more anxious than ever to meet them. It's painfully obvious that they are _so _important to him.

What if I don't measure up?

Seriously, what if?

I can't think about that right now. I'm not psychic, I can't predict the future, I don't know what is going to happen at dinner. I could be worrying over nothing.

I take a breath.

Edward's about to take a shower, and even though I'm already ready, I think I want another one, too. I'm sure my nervous sweat has used up all my deodorant by now. I remove the small black cardigan I'm wearing over a dark green dress dotted with little black flowers and surreptitiously sniff under my arms. Thank _God _thatno one saw me do that.

"Bella!" Edward calls out to me from the shower in his bathroom.

I drop my arm as if I've been caught and hurry into his room. "What?" I answer him and walk right into the bathroom.

He never shuts the damn door when he showers. He says it makes the room all steamy and suffocating. Whenever I take a shower, I have to remind him that I _like _the door shut because I _like _the steam—it's refreshing. And yet, every time I shower in his apartment, the door is open when I step outside the tub. He thinks he is so slick.

"Bel—oh." He pauses with a laugh. "Can you give me my body wash over there? All that's in here is your fruity shit." He wrinkles his nose.

I roll my eyes and get what he wants. "And you couldn't do this yourself?" I tease him.

"No. I don't want to get the floor all wet." He holds his hand out for his AXE body wash—part of a gift set from yours truly!

I stand with the bottle clutched to my chest, deep in thought as I stare at him. I think I know a way to solve all my problems. I set the body wash down onto the sink and he blinks over at me curiously.

"Gimme it." He wiggles his fingers in a demanding motion.

"Shut up." I laugh at him playfully. Then I toe-off my black low-top Converse and lift my hair up from my back and walk backward, so that Edward can unzip me.

"Babe, what are you doing?" he asks as he unzips me.

I let the dress drop to the floor and then unhook my bra and add it to the pile before my thumbs push into the sides of my underwear and slide them down my legs. Edward watches my every move with his mouth slightly hung open. I hate that I'm going to ruin my hair, but I need this. So does he.

I smile coyly at him and take a step toward the shower. I want him to remember why it is that I love him so much. I don't want him to think about the time I spent with Jasper, because it is so far out of my mind, it's almost as if it never happened.

"What?" he asks me with a smirk. "You want this?" He pushes open the curtain for me to step inside.

I bite my lip and nod my head before stepping inside the shower and pulling his face down to mine. The shower is hot and the spray feels amazing against my skin. I feel like my entire body is buzzing with anticipation. I try to push Edward against the tile, but it's me who gets pressed against it instead. His mouth moves to my neck, his hands squeeze my waist and slide up my torso and to my tits. His thumbs rub circles over my nipples and I feel a tingling sensation zip straight down to my clit so that I squeeze my thighs together.

"Touch me," I whisper into his shoulder.

He chuckles into my ear. "I already am."

I shiver and pull the hair at the nape of his neck. "Touch me more." I nuzzle our noses together. "Touch me… _here_," I whisper into his chin as I guide his hand down my belly to my pubic bone.

He cups the apex between my legs, and with the heel of his palm he rubs against my clit. His tongue is forced back into my mouth, and his lips are rough, and his teeth nip and bite. He's hungry for me, and I encourage him with my fingernails trailing down the front of him, all the way down to grab him in my hands.

He grunts and jerks into me. I lean forward and kiss his throat and make my way down his body until I'm eye level with his cock. His arms are out straight, his hands pressed to the tile, while he pants and stares down at me kneeled in front of him. My eyes lock with his and they don't leave. I open my mouth and bow forward to lick the tip of his dick. He hisses through clenched teeth and forces his eyes open to watch. I tilt my head and slide the flat of my tongue up his wet and slippery length and follow the thickest vein all the way to the top where I flick the tip of my tongue over the slit that begins to leak. It's thick and salty, and I lap it up and suck the head into my mouth. It's then that I close my eyes and make an unconscious '_mmm' _sound that vibrates from my mouth to his dick. He gasps and starts to rock back and forth, his cock sliding in and out so that he's fucking my mouth, taking what he wants with his hands at either side of my face, pushing and pulling and moaning and grunting.

Dear God does it make me wet.

When it becomes too much for me to handle, I slowly draw back and circle my fingers around him to squeeze and twist as I pump up and down his shaft with one hand, and with the other I start to touch myself. I stare up at him, still on my knees and kneeling before him like a faithful servant. My body trembles, and with shaky hands I continue to tease and pull us toward fruition. I cannot believe how charged and alive I feel whenever I'm with him. I'm not embarrassed to be naked or vulnerable in front of him anymore. I _want _him to see and know those things. I want him to have all of me, and I want all of him.

"Christ, are you touching yourself, Bella?" He shudders over me, his hands cupping my face once again to drive himself deeper into my mouth, toward the back of my throat.

Fuck, I'm getting so much better at this. I only gag once—_victory!_

He breathes heavily when I pop him outside my mouth to take a deep breath of my own. Lost in lust, he brings me back to his pulsating cock. My name escapes his lips along with a small plea to take his cock back into my soft and hot mouth. I moan at his shaky words, dipping my head and relaxing my jaw to suck him back in between my teeth while I slide my fingers down my slit and back up to press against my clit. The sensation makes me whimper from the tingling intensity, and the faster I start to tease myself, the faster and deeper he pushes in and out of my mouth. I take as much of him as I can, and when he starts to move frantically, I steady my hands at his hips to brace myself while he gets off. I want so badly for him to touch me, or fuck me, but I also want him to come on me.

He pulls back before he comes and I stare up at him expectantly while he takes himself in one hand and starts to jerks his cock. I know he wants to come in my mouth, but I'm not sure if that's what I want. I push up on my knees and arch my back, so that he knows where I want him to aim. His words are garbled before he comes hard on my chin and throat, and while he catches his breath I sit back on my heels and let his seed slide down my chest and wait for him to look down at me. When he does, I slide a finger across my chin to gather the cum from my face and then slowly suck it between my lips.

His eyes widen. "Oh, fuck, baby. Come here." He yanks me up to my feet and dives down to capture my mouth with his. His kiss is fierce and filled with desire, his teeth bite, and his tongue demands entrance so that it can seize mine and suck it into his own mouth.

"Fuck, baby. I love you," he groans out and trails his lips down my throat. The attention he pays to my skin is rough and primal. He sucks my flesh between his teeth and bites down hard, so that I whimper and shiver in his arms like a cornered lamb trapped between the jaws of a hungry lion. I want him so, so badly.

"Touch me," I say to him again and guide his hand between my legs. His long fingers stroke me slowly, the pad of his thumb teasing me up and down my slit. I kiss his neck and bite his shoulder then slick my tongue up his throat to kiss his mouth. "Kiss me." My lips graze against his, but when he pushes forward I pull back and shake my head.

I press a finger to his lips and then slide it down his chest to cover his hand that's between my legs with my own as I rock against his palm. "Kiss me here," I say into his mouth and pull his bottom lip back with my teeth.

On his way down my body he bites the tips of my nipples and flicks his tongue against them. I pant and hold him to me as my hands tangle in his hair while he kisses my stomach and lifts one of my legs over his shoulder. I feel the tip of his nose feather over my pussy and my legs grow shaky. Then I feel his tongue flick against my clit repeatedly so that I cry and slap my hands against the tile behind me for balance. From quick flicks to long, broad strokes that coat the width of my pussy, he presses his nose to my clit and swirls it in small circles until I'm a withering mess.

He chuckles. "Not yet, baby." His deep tone feels like bass from a stereo being played up straight to my fucking g-spot. When his tongue starts to tease my entrance, I start to pant and grow lightheaded from the sensation and the heat from the hot water steaming around us in the shower.

"Oh, f-f-fuck," I stutter and fall forward to grab onto his shoulders the instant he slips a finger inside and strokes the inner-walls of my pussy in a fast, circular motion.

My muscles tighten, my breath hitches, my heart pounds, and I'm teetering over the edge of sanity. Edward groans into me and starts again to slowly tease my entrance, but this time with his nose while he inhales audibly and tells me how delicious I am and how this is his favorite scent—my arousal.

"You want me to fuck this, don't you?" he teases me with a deep chuckle between my thighs.

"OH, God—yes!" I shout.

He adds another finger inside of me and taunts my clit rapidly with the tip of his tongue until I whimper and lose my balance in the tub. Strong hands grip my waist to keep me upright. I blink away the water that's fallen into my eyes and wipe a hand over my face.

"Why'd you stop?" I reply breathlessly. "Don't stop, Edward."

He smirks and leans back into the center of my thighs, his eyes hooded with lust as he peeks up at me with a sinful smirk. "Who said I was going to stop?" Then his mouth is back and his fingers tease in and out and I cry and roll my hips into his face as I grab his hair between my fingers and pull.

I lose myself seconds after, and while I catch my breath he drinks me up like a cat with milk. I whimper and shake, and I need him to stand up so that I can lean against him—my legs are about to give out. I grab his hair in my hands and pull so he looks up at me, and I put a hand under his chin to motion him to stand. When he does, I kiss him and suck on his bottom lip. My hands roam his back and his trickle up my sides to grab my breasts and squeeze them in his palms.

"Mmm." I whimper and lift my leg to curve around his hip. "Fuck me, Edward," I beg him with a shaky voice. "Fuck me hard and fast and make me scream."

"Oh, fuck. I love when you say shit like that to me." He groans into my shoulder and bites me there. "You're such a tease." He chuckles against my skin. "We only have, like, maybe thirty minutes until I said we'd be next door."

I rub myself against his swollen cock and pant against his chin. "I don't care." I reach between us to wrap my fingers around him and slide them up and down his length. "Pick me up."

His hands tighten at my waist to lift me up the wall—the tile is cool and solid against my back. I wrap my legs around him and slide my pussy up and down against his cock. Fuck, it feels amazing. His jaw tightens while his hands clench my ass, and then I can't take it anymore. When I raise myself up his chest he uses one hand to grab himself and align us so that when I push back down he'll enter me.

He's barely got the tip inside before he rams up into my pussy and uses his hands at my ass to yank me down onto his cock.

"Oh, God. _Yes_." I whimper into his shoulder.

We don't do this slow—it's hot and passionate, and there is no way to describe it but to say that we _fuck_. He fucks me against the shower wall, the tiles molding into my back and leaving imprints in my skin. My ankles are locked around his hips, my arms around his neck, and my lips against his.

"Fuck, baby, you feel amazing." He pants into my open mouth.

I can't speak, I just cling to him as he hits that spot inside of me that makes my toes curl, my fingers pull his hair, and my head fall back. I can't stop saying the words "_Yes! Yes! Yes!" _as he keeps saying, _"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"_

Flesh against flesh, thrusting and smacking and panting. I hug him to me tightly and roll my hips against his when he yanks me down onto him. His muscles bunch, his jaw clenches, his brow tightens, and when his mouth falls open I catch his gaze and keep it while our bodies clash. I feel the familiar build up in the center of my stomach, and it intensifies every time his cock rams up into me so deeply that it makes my eyes roll back into my head.

The sensation grows stronger, his hips slap against mine harder, my thighs widen and close around his hips as I bounce over him. When it finally happens, I explode and he buries his face into my neck with a shudder, thrusts up into me one final time before his hands grip my sides and his body stills as a powerful growl pushes past his lips and he empties himself into me.

We struggle for breath and cling to each other like a lifeline, mouths gravitating together like magnets. His hips push into me and I gasp as we ride out the intense wave of sensations emanating from his cock to my pussy. Still moving inside of me, my walls clench around his girth, urging him to release every last bit of himself into me. We kiss slow and languid and tenderly while we both come down together, until our hearts sync back up into a normal rhythm and our chests no longer crash together for breaths of air.

"I love you," he says into my ear, "so fucking much."

I nuzzle my nose against his and kiss his lips tenderly. "So much it hurts," I respond shakily.

"No." He shakes his head. "I'd never hurt you, Bella. You consume me so that sometimes I don't even know who I am, other than knowing that I'm yours."

My throat constricts with emotion. "And I'm yours, Edward. I've always been yours," I whisper. "I know that now."

"_Finally!_" he teases and we laugh together before we clean each other off properly.

-x-

Still flushed and high on endorphins, I run my fingers through my freshly blow-dried hair and frown at my reflection. I look I've just been fucked, and even though I _have _been, I don't want to _look _like it. There is no way I'm going to meet Carlisle and Esme looking like this.

"Move—move—move—_move!_" I shout at Edward as he walks into the bathroom while I'm trying to rush out of it. I need my makeup bag and I need it _now_.

"Jesus, Bella! You almost knocked me over," Edward gripes like a grumpy old man.

I roll my eyes as I heave my duffel bag up from the floor and onto the bed. "Well, my bad, but you were in my way." I pull out my makeup and pause.

Neither of us says a word, we just stand there staring at each other, caught in a memory—the _same _memory. Mine is fuzzy, but Edward's is clear as day. The playground, all those years ago, my flying act and his being in the wrong place at the wrong time—or _right _if you really think about it. I see that now.

I smirk and he gives a side smile then crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the bathroom doorframe. "What?" He lifts his chin, urging me to say it first.

Slowly, I walk toward him and stop a few inches away. "What?" I repeat the same question, and with a playful grin, I wait for him to say it.

His hands reach out to span my waist, drawing me closer to his warmth. My eyes close involuntarily and I can feel his breath at my ear before he finally whispers, "I know you remember."

I shiver and my fingers curl into his waistband. "Remember what?" I lift my gaze to his and inhale a quick breath.

_Fire_. I see myself reflected back at me in his eyes and I feel the intensity of his stare, the flames from their fiery desire. The fingers on my right hand rise to run down his nose and feather across his mouth. His skin is searing and electrical beneath my hand, it sends a jolt through me that I realize is actually Edward yanking me closer.

"That day on the playground. When you landed on me," he replies breathlessly. "That's almost exactly what you said to me."

Nose to nose, our foreheads touch. "I wish I could remember that day like you do," I confess regrettably. "It makes me feel horrible that I don't."

His lips press between my brows softly. "Doesn't matter." He chuckles. "I have even better memories of you now." His lips curve against my cheek before they pucker and kiss me gently. His hands slide up and down my sides. "Ones that you'll _never_ forget."

I fling my arms around his neck to pull him to me tightly while burying my face in his neck. "Never," I whisper to him. His arms around me squeeze tighter, I feel so small in his embrace—but so incredibly loved. "I never want this feeling I have with you to stop," I say aloud.

He kisses the top of my head and rests his cheek there. "Never stop."

-x-

Holy—_shit_.

Esme Brandon is beautiful. A vision in black tights and a red sweater dress, her hair is dark and shiny, her eyes a light blue hue that is complemented by porcelain skin and high rosy cheeks. I feel so insignificant standing in front of her like a mute vegetable. I was not prepared to go completely blank at the sight of her. She's fucking flawless. From head to toe, she's everything I ever want to be.

Beautiful, confident—_intelligent_.

You can tell just by looking at her that she is the entire package. I know she has her Masters in Business Finance, and that she's about to start a new job that will skyrocket her career. She'll be able to move into a big house, and Alice will have the ability to pay for nearly any school of her choice.

I knew all of these things before I even met her, and now that I have? I feel envious that Alice has a sister this fabulous. I've always wanted someone to look up to like a big sister; someone to show _me _the way, someone to sit with me like a best friend, but someone who, no matter what, won't leave me behind. Esme is all of that and more. I wonder if Alice even knows what she has.

"I am _so _excited to finally meet you!" Esme yelps moments before pulling me through the front door to wrap slender—yet surprisingly strong—arms around me. "Edward talks so much about you, it's as if we know you already."

Carlisle, who is equally as attractive and alluring, approaches from behind Esme with his hands sliding around her waist to pull her back against his chest. I feel reeled in by their mere presence, I want to sit and watch them interact with each other. I feel a flutter in my chest when he kisses the top of Esme's head before he releases her to greet me. His hand is warm and firm when we shake hands, and I watch as he straightens back up afterward and sets the same hand on the small of Esme's back. It's a familiar and intimate gesture that makes my lips twitch into a shy smile.

"Well," Carlisle starts, "I must say, Isabella—"

"Bella, please," I request with genuine friendliness. "I'm usually only called by my first name if I'm in trouble," I tease and all four of us share a small laugh.

I wish I were joking, but it's true.

"_Bella_," Carlisle enunciates with a wink. "I just wanted to say what an honor it is to finally meet you. Edward here—" He laughs and playfully jabs at Edward. "—talks about you nonstop."

I blush and look up to my left just in time to see Edward do the same. We lock eyes for a moment, and I swear I lose myself in his gaze. I forget everything—where we are, who is standing beside us, what my name is…

"I'm glad to see him so happy," Esme adds, and at the sound of her voice I'm broken out of my Edward-trance. "I'm so happy for you, sweetie." I turn to see Esme staring at Edward, misty-eyed.

Carlisle clears his throat. "I want to take this moment to say thank you, Bella."

I blink at him in confusion. "Thank you?"

His smile is warm and genuine. "I've seen a change in him and I'm not stupid, it wasn't because of me or anyone else. It was you, Bella. So I want to thank you, I was starting to worry."

A look passes between Edward and Carlisle before Esme pulls on the back of Carlisle's sweater. "Help me finish up in the kitchen?" She smiles up at him as he stares down at her adoringly.

"I'd rather help finish up what we were doing before the doorbell rang," he teases her while drawing her into his arms and leaning over to kiss her lips tenderly.

They are so fucking adorable.

Edward clears his throat and the couple in front of us pulls apart momentarily to give us apologetic looks. Esme's cheeks are flushed, and her lips full and rosy. Carlisle's eyes are glazed over, as if he's having trouble gaining full control of his mind and body at the moment.

"We'll," Carlisle pauses to cough into a hand, "be in the kitchen… finishing… stuff." He and Esme disappear from the room in a flurry of playful winks and shy smiles.

Edward tucks me into his side as we stand in the middle of the living room, his fingers squeezing my hip affectionately. "You okay?" he leans in to whisper into my ear when we're alone.

I nod at him and ask if I should go into the kitchen and to see if they need help. He shakes his head 'no' with a look that makes me blush from embarrassment.

"You're a guest, Bella." He snorts at my ridiculous offer.

"Carlisle, can you go get Alice and her friend? We're almost ready," I hear Esme say from the kitchen, and just like that, my entire relaxed state is ruined.

I tense up immediately.

I think about what my mom had told me about Alice: don't acknowledge her games, so that she's the one who looks stupid. I repeat this to myself over and over until I realize that I've been mumbling, "_Make her play with herself, make her play with herself, make her play with herself…_" under my breath out loud.

It's at this point where Edward throws his head back and barks out a laugh so loud that it almost makes me jump out of my skin. I smack his shoulder with a scowl that only makes him laugh even harder.

"The fuck were you just saying?" he asking between fits of coughing and laughter.

I hear footsteps coming down the hall toward us and glare at Edward to shut the fuck up. "Stop laughing at me."

He finally starts to bring himself to some sort of control. "All right, all right. I'm sorry." He takes my face between his hands to pull me forward so that he can kiss my lips. "But why the hell were you mumbling about playing with yourself?"

"_Herself,_" I correct him. "And never mind about that."

"You're so fucking cute," he says and lets go of my face to take my hand. Then he looks at me and takes a deep breath. "You ready for this?"

I gulp and shrug innocently. "I have no idea. Don't let go of my hand, okay?" I tighten our hold. "You can eat with your left hand, right?" I ask playfully.

He arches his brow. "Depends what I'm eating." He grins devilishly.

"Edward!" I gasp and bite my lip as the blood rushes to my face.

"Don't do that," he rumbles at me, eyes locked at my mouth as he pulls my lip free from my teeth. "I will not hesitate to throw your ass over my shoulder and drag you back to the apartment so that I can have my way with you."

I giggle—I can't help it—and say, "You mean like a sexy caveman?"

His grin widens as his face draws closer to mine. "Primal behavior in three… two…"

I squeal out with giggles as he pretends to attack my neck and my shoulder like some kind of monster. His teeth nip at my dress and my skin, and his lips are so soft beneath my ear as he whispers playful words to me. I've never seen him so lighthearted and immature… so _happy_. Not like this, not like he's an actual seventeen-year-old boy stealing kisses with his girlfriend while his parents are in the kitchen.

It makes me want to hug him close and kiss him senseless. He's so beautiful and carefree like this. There is no weight on his shoulders, no dark thoughts that cloud his mind, or unreleased anger bubbling under his skin. He's just Edward. I have to swallow the lump that forms in my throat and blink away the tears. He deserves to feel like this _all _the time. I hate that it's been taken away from him by people as selfish as his parents, but I'm glad he has Carlisle and Esme, at the very least.

"_Ahem_." A throat clears above our heads.

Coming back to reality, I realize that I'm on my back with Edward on top of me on the couch. I feel fire ignite along my skin and burn in embarrassment. Carlisle smirks at the two of us and says that dinner is ready.

I make Edward come with me to the bathroom so he can press a cool washcloth over my face until I'm convinced I no longer look like Mr. Kool-Aid.

-x-

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**Emmett McCarty** WINNING!

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**Rosalie Hale **lol, loser

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_Wall Post:_ to **Bella Swan **_from_ **Royce King **

**Royce King **if you and Alice get into it, don't forget to record it on your phone. I don't wanna miss it! Throw those elbows, doll. Bob and weave.

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**Bella Swan **shut up!

**Jacob Black **he has a point.

**E. Cullen **fuck you, she's not fighting with anyone.

**Royce King **party pooper.

-x-

"So, Bella." Carlisle is the first to break the proverbial ice that's formed around the dinner table since we sat down. "Edward tells me that you're a cheerleader?"

Alice snorts into her plate and I literally have to dig my fingernails into my palms under the table to keep from looking at her. If I show her that she bothers me, then she's won. I force a smile and straighten my posture. I can do this.

"Yes." I nod at Carlisle. "Varsity cheerleading since sophomore year. We're currently state champions, and we compete for Nationals in April," I reply proudly.

"That's… wonderful, Bella." Esme's troubled face makes me turn my head to see what she's frowning at.

It's Alice, who is bursting at the seams to say something. She is staring down at her plate as she bites her lip and hunches her shoulder while they shake with unleashed laughter.

"Is there something funny you want to share with us, Alice?" Esme snaps in a firm tone that sets me on edge.

Alice shakes her head and finally raises her face to look around the table. "Nope." She enunciates the 'p' at the end. "Not a damn thing."

I want so badly want to give into the urge to fly across the table and throw my water glass in her face while I yell, "_Melt, bitch!_"

"Alice," Edward gripes irritably at her, "knock it off."

"Knock what off?" she scoffs incredulously. "I am just sitting here eating my dinner. Please—" She pauses and looks over at me. "—continue, Bella. I'm absolutely riveted." Her face, as well as her words, is full of sarcasm.

It is at this point where Jasper finally starts to look nervous, and with good reason. He's been sitting there stone-faced and cold while making me feel like… we don't even know each other. And I'm wondering if this is on purpose, or if this is some sort of coping mechanism. Either way, it's driving me nuts. Just yesterday we were chatting on Facebook and today it's like I'm wearing the cloak of invisibility from fucking Harry Potter? Seriously? Come on!

"Thank you, Alice." I clear my throat to grab everyone's attention once again. "We worked really hard to get to where we're at now. What do _you _think, Jasper?" I purposely single him out. "We cheer at your games all the time. Which we enjoy immensely considering our basketball team is zero for five so far this season. What's your opinion of our squad? Do you think we have a shot this year at Nationals?"

I watch his cheeks color and his eyes dart from face to face. "Uh, yeah. You guys are amazing." He rubs a hand against the back of his neck anxiously.

Alice openly rolls her eyes dramatically. "Can we please talk about something else?" she grumbles irritably. "How about Jasper's early acceptance to Seattle University?"

I gasp. Esme and Carlisle congratulate him earnestly and they continue to talk amongst each other, but all I hear is static. Jasper got into Seattle University? He _hates _Seattle! He told me so himself. He wanted to go to San Diego State, what the hell is this nonsense about Seattle? He's not even Catholic for God's sake!

Before I know it, I'm spewing out, "But you _hate _Seattle!"

Edward tenses beside me but remains silent. I'm severely grateful for that, and I reach for his leg under the table to give it an appreciative squeeze. This can't be easy for him to sit at a table with his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.

Jasper looks over at me gravely and covertly shakes his head for me to stop. My face scrunches up in confusion, but I don't say another word. Instead I tilt my head slightly and search his face for answers. Why is he being so secretive about this?

"Which means we'll both be Redhawks this time next year, right, Jas?" She grins up at him adoringly.

I'm momentarily taken back by this. Either she's a damn good actress, or she seriously does have a thing for Jasper. Which, I guess, should make me happy since it means she'll back off of _my _boyfriend finally. However, I feel little comfort at all.

Still reeling from this brand new information, I shake my head incredulously at him and mouth, "_Since when are you Catholic?"_

Again, with his eyes I'm told to knock it off. I can't believe what I'm hearing—or _seeing—_right now. This is utter and complete bullshit. I highly doubt she was accepted at Seattle University, because I bet my life savings on the fact that Alice Brandon will burst into flames the second she steps foot onto its campus.

"You were accepted early, as well?" I end up asking out loud. I just can't fathom the idea of her getting into college, let alone getting an _early _acceptance into fucking Seattle U.

Her eyes flash in my direction but no words pass through her lips. I sit patiently as I await her answer, however, Edward's patience fails to allow it.

"I thought your scholarship program fell through?" he blurts out at Alice.

Her head shoots up to glare at him. "Don't act like you care now, Edward."

"What the fu—I mean _hell_ does that mean?" He corrects himself from one bad word to another. Lesser of two evils, I guess.

"It means you can't ditch me for a piece of ass and then come back here and act like we're still friends!" Alice shouts and pushes Jasper away from her when he tries to tell her to calm down.

My hands clench on top of the table while Edward slams a fist down beside his plate so hard that it knocks over Carlisle's wine glass. "Don't you ruin this dinner because you're pissed at me, Alice," he growls angrily. "This isn't about _you_, all right? Not everything is about _you!_"

"You're right," she snaps, "it's not about _me. _It's always about _her!_"

When she points a finger across the table at me, I about lose my shit. "I'm sorry," I say to Carlisle and Esme, "but I think I should leave."

"Bella, don't." Edward grabs my wrist to stop me.

"No, let her leave," Alice gripes. "We have no room at this table for cowards."

Instinct takes over me, and I fly forward just as Edward jumps up from his chair to block my attack. I slam right into his chest and claw at the front of his dress shirt angrily.

"Bella, please," Edward begs.

I can hear Esme yelling at Alice while Carlisle struggle to control both of them from behind Edward, but I block everyone out by resting my forehead against his chest. "That was all her." I gulp as I struggle to control my anger.

I don't even realize that I'm trembling until I feel Edward's hands slowly moving up and down my back. "She swore she wouldn't do this tonight," he whispers, but it's more to himself than to me.

"Maybe I should…" I hear Jasper's voice and peek over Edward's shoulder to see him.

"No!" Alice shouts and pushes her sister away to get to Jasper, who is standing a few feet away from the commotion. "Jasper, please. I'm so sorry, please don't go. I'm so sorry," she begs as she pulls at his arms to keep him close to her. "I don't know why I just did that, I swear it. I know I promised you I wouldn't do this. _Please, _Jasper—_please_. I'm sorry."

I don't know what I'm more shocked over—the idea of Alice apologizing to someone, the fact that Edward is too stunned to move, or that Jasper forgives her right there on the spot. My mouth falls agape as I witness Jasper lean down to speak softly in her ear, and whatever he says reassures her enough to exhale a long breath of air that is nearly a sob. Her arms wrap around his middle as he holds her protectively to his chest.

"I'm not the only person you should be apologizing to, Alice." Jasper's drawl is smooth and comforting.

I brace myself for what she decides to do next. When her gaze lifts to meet mine, I shake my head at her. I don't want her apology. I don't want a damn thing from her, because I know it's not genuine. When her eyes move to Edward, she flinches. My own eyes dart to see his face and almost flinch, too, from surprise. He looks murderous. His Adam's apple bobs up, then down, before he clenches his hold around my arm, involuntarily causing me to wince.

Of course, this is just when Jasper turns his head to look over at us. The moment he sees my face scrunch up in pain, he reacts. "You're hurting her." He scowls at Edward.

"Bella is _not _your concern. Now, or ever." His scorching eyes blister Jasper where he stands.

"Bella may not be my girlfriend anymore, but she's still my friend, and I still care about her, and you're hurting her, Cullen. Look at her face," Jasper yells and dares to take a step forward with Alice still in his grasp.

Edward responds quickly by jerking me behind his back—and can I just say _ow?_—before facing off with Jasper. "She was never your girlfriend; she was mine even then, just as she's mine now." He sneers. "And if you're using Alice as a rebound? I will make you regret the day you met her."

"Shut up, Edward!" Alice screams. "You don't even know him!"

"Neither do you!" Edward turns his rage on her. "Are you just doing this to get back at me? What the fuck is _wrong _with you?"

"Hey!" Jasper shouts just before he does something very out of character.

He snaps.

"Fuck you, Cullen!" he bellows out angrily. "You disrespect women left and right, I've seen you do it at parties, and I've even seen you do it to Alice and to Bella. But hear me; this is the _last _time you will do it in front of me."

"Or what?" Edward laughs. "What the fuck do you plan to do about it, pretty boy? You hit like a bitch." He snorts. "And if I remember correctly, you bleed like one, too."

Alice's eyes widen, she knows just as well as I do that things are on the verge of getting very, _very _ugly. Strangely, we lock gazes, and through some sort of telepathy, we both inch our way between the two of them. Alice in front of Jasper with her palms against his chest, and I mirror that stance against Edward.

"Baby, let's just go." I try to attract his focus.

"Jasper," Alice starts behind me, "he's not thinking clearly. He does this; there is no reasoning with him right now. You're better than this."

"All right!" Carlisle's voice booms throughout the room and it demands silence.

You can hear crickets.

He turns to us. "What the hell is this?" He motions at Edward. "Were you lying about attending those anger management classes? Did you pay the instructor to sign off on your attendance?"

"No." Edward grimaces. "I was not lying, and I did not pay anyone anything."

"You could have fooled me, Edward," Carlisle chastises him. "Alice, please wait for me and your sister in your room. Jasper, perhaps now is a good time to—"

"No!" Alice shouts and interrupts him. "If _she _gets to stay, then so does Jasper!"

"Stop being such a child!" Edward hisses over at Alice through tightly gritted teeth. "You're being completely ridiculous, and now dinner is ruined."

"Oh, no." She shakes her head angrily. "Don't you dare put all the blame on _me_, Edward Anthony _Masen _Cullen!"

A collective gasp fills the room as Esme, Carlisle, and I prepare ourselves against what Edward may or may not do next. It feels like forever before he blinks—or even breathes. I want to reach for him, but I can see how tense he is, and ready to snap at any second.

"So it's like that, huh?" He huffs incredulously and shakes his head.

She cringes into Jasper reflexively and inhales shakily. "I don't want to fight with you, Edward."

"Too late for that now, isn't it?" He spits out fiercely. His attention lingers on the way Jasper is holding Alice against himself protectively. "Funny how fast the two of you hooked up after everything went down between me and you, Alice."

"It has always been there, Edward. I was just too scared to tell you about it," she whispers tearfully. "I was too scared to admit it to myself, even."

_Oh, boo fucking hoo_, I want to say to her face. Jasper's stare is focused on me all of a sudden, and I wonder what the hell is going on in that head of his. For the first time it actually _is _like we're strangers. Maybe he wasn't my substitute for Edward. Maybe it was actually me who was the stand-in for Alice?

"Everyone, just… sit down and let's try to salvage what is left of this dinner," Carlisle replies in exasperation. "You," he barks and points at Edward, "living room—_now_." He storms past Edward, who follows him with a shameful frown.

I sit back down at the table carefully while I keep my gaze down at my plate. No one moves or speaks until we hear Edward and Carlisle's argument grow louder. That's when Esme clears her throat for our attention.

"So, Jasper, I understand that you and Bella go to the same school?" Esme forces a composed smile that makes me feel bad for my behavior tonight. She must hate me.

"Yes." Jasper nods his head. "We actually, uh… used to date." His eyes sweep over my side of the table and I can feel his intense stare.

"Really?" Esme is surprised. "Wow, Alice did not tell me that."

I glance up at the strained tone of Esme's voice to see her glaring at her sister.

"But Jasper and Alice were friends even before we dated."

I have no idea why the fuck I just said that.

"_How the hell could you possibly know that unless you snooped around my fucking apartment, Carlisle?"_ Edward's shout causes me to jump in my seat. My stomach starts to twist—I hate when he gets like that.

"_Lower your voice!"_ Carlisle snaps back.

"So…" I lick my lips and set my hands down into my lap. "Uh, the food is great, Esme. Thank you."

This time, her forced smile makes my stomach hurt. It's filled with disappointment and I'm terrified that it's because of me. What if they think I'm bad for Edward? What if my feud with Alice affects their opinion of me? What if Carlisle is telling Edward right now to dump me and move on?

"Relax, hon." Esme's soft words break through my thoughts. "I apologize to you, Bella." She pauses and then looks to Jasper. "You, too, Jasper. I was completely unaware that Alice and Edward were going to act like this. Maybe my being away so much for work isn't such a great idea right now."

"Esme," Alice groans, "stop. I can take care of myself, I'm almost eighteen."

"Then why are you being such a child, Alice? What is your problem with Bella? Are you jealous? I don't see why, you have Jasper." She folds her arms across her chest.

"It's complicated." Alice rolls her eyes and refuses to look in my direction.

"No," I blurt out. "It's actually not."

Her face morphs into a sneer. "Please stop talking, I can barely stand the sound of your voice."

"And I can barely stand to be in the same room as you, but I did it for Edward. Today was supposed to be special for him, and you _know _that, Alice!" I explode. "Why can't you just be happy for him?"

"How can I be happy for him when he's with you?" Her response is solemn.

I shake my head and Esme decides to butt in. "Mary Alice Brandon, what the hell is the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with me?" Alice laughs. "I'll tell you—"

"Alice," Jasper's whisper cuts in, "stop."

"Bella!" Edward shouts from the living room. "Get your shit, we're leaving."

I jump up from my seat just as he enters the kitchen with a murderous look on his face. "Esme, I'm sorry, but we have to go."

She nods as if she expected this for some reason. "Let me just get the food I packed for Royce and the kids. You'll take the presents, too, right?"

He gives the slightest of nods and takes my hand firmly in his to pull me over so he can say into my ear, "Wait for me in the car." He presses the keys into my palm and drops a kiss on my cheek. "I'll be down there in a minute."

I want to properly say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme, but she's busy in the kitchen and I have no idea where Carlisle went. I hate how hurt Edward is, and I hate that dinner ended the way it did. I can't think of how it could have gone better. I just can't, because it's Alice's fucking fault.

As I make my way out and down the stairs to the Impala, I tell myself over and over that it's Christmas. Baby Jesus was born on this day and kicking Alice's ass would be sacrilegious.

However, tomorrow is not Christmas.

-x-

"You're mad." I grimace at the scowl that's on his face as he drives like a hellion down the back roads of La Push to get to Royce's place.

"For the last fucking time, Bella, I'm. Not. Mad," he growls through gritted teeth.

I turn my face back to my window and watch the scenery fly by when he hits the gas harder and switches gears so that we accelerate faster down the highway. I want to tell him to slow down, but I know saying so would be the wrong thing to do. Alice was right about one thing: you can't talk to him when he's like this.

I feel like everything is ruined, and I don't even want to give him his gift—his _real_ one. The one I debated on over and over before my mom finally slapped down her American Express card and bought it. I wanted it to be special, but now I don't even want to give it to him.

"Are you crying?" Edward suddenly slams on the brakes and my belt locks, so that when I fly forward, it digs into my chest.

I cry out in surprise and then pain when it cuts into my neck. "What the hell, you fucking asshole?" I scream at him as I snap open the seatbelt to rub my chest. I hadn't been crying before, but I most definitely was on the verge of it now. "What is your _problem?_" Aaaand now I'm crying.

Edward pulls off onto the side of the road and unbuckles his belt. "Shit, baby. I'm sorry." He pulls me over onto his side of the car. "Bella, look at me."

I jerk away from him, but he's insistent. He grabs my chin and turns my head, so that I have no choice but to do as he says. Which I don't, I childishly keep my eyes closed while he huffs and puffs in front of me. If I look into his eyes, I'll forgive him. I know I will. I'll see pain and remorse, and I'll feel guilty, and then I'll cave. I do it all the damn time.

"I'm sorry." He kisses my lips. "I'm sorry." Again. "Please, Bella." Twice.

I open my eyes.

-x-

"Don't tell him about dinner tonight," Edward says after shifting the car into _park_ and pulling his keys from the ignition. "He's got enough shit on his mind right now."

"Rosalie?" I guess aloud.

I know they talked yesterday through Facebook, and I know Rosalie sent Royce a scanned image of the baby's current sonogram. Next week she'll find out the sex, and then it's free for all to buy whatever we want for the little belly bean. I'm kind of excited, but at the same time I feel like knowing the sex will make it more real. It won't really be a "belly bean" anymore—or an "it" for that matter. The baby will be a _person_. A boy. A girl. A _life_ growing inside of Rosalie. Ten fingers and toes, two eyes, and a beating heart.

Holy shit, that's fucking _crazy_.

"Babe?" Edward squeezes his hand above my knee.

I shake my thoughts clear. "Yeah, uh… I… umm… what?" I blink in confusion and then it hits me. "_Oh! _Don't tell him, yeah. Okay."

"Are _you _okay?" He snorts.

I nod. "Yeah. I'm just… I was thinking about Rosalie and the baby. It's getting real, like _really real_."

His hand travels slowly down the left side of my face. "Yeah, I know." His thumb slides over my bottom lip. "You okay?"

I sigh and pull him to my face. "I'm okay. You?" I nuzzle the stubble on his chin with my lips.

He presses his forehead to mine and we close our eyes and take a deep, calming breath together. His fingers slide up the back of my neck and into my hair; I do the same to him and add scratching my nails against his scalp—he loves that. He groans, and I gasp when I feel him tug at my hair.

"He still cares about you," he replies softly as he tilts his head and hovers his mouth over mine. "Jasper," he adds when I hesitate.

"As friends," I say to clear his mucked up understanding of my friendship with my ex. "You know you have nothing to worry about, right?" My fingers slide down the sides of his face to cup his chin. "Edward?"

He sighs and turns away, his eyes refusing to look into mine.

"Baby, don't do that." I turn his head back to me. "I barely ever talk to him at school. You know I eat my lunch in the library so I can study. I only see him in passing most of the time, or during P.E. and cheer practice. He knows I'm with you."

"That doesn't stop him from _wanting _you, Bella. I'm a guy, I know these things." His hands move to my hips and clench tightly. "I don't know what he's doing with Alice, because it's so clear to me that he still wants you."

I try not to roll my eyes at his ridiculous assumptions. "Well, regardless, I love _you_, Edward." I lean in to kiss him and get rejected by him turning his cheek to me. I feel a sting of pain hit me right in my chest and pull away from him.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask incredulously.

He sits back on his side of the car and stares at the steering wheel. "Can we not do this right now, please? I don't want to upset the kids."

I'm furious. What the hell did I do wrong tonight? I didn't touch Alice once, and that in itself is a freaking Christmas miracle. But he's right—now isn't the time. So I grab as many gifts as I can, slip outside the car, and slam my door shut as hard as I can before marching up to the front door of Royce's house.

"Merry Christmas!" I sing as cheerfully as possible when the door swings open.

Sammy blinks up at me in confusion, as if he can't believe I'm actually standing here in front of him. I start to shuffle from foot to foot awkwardly and Bailey shoves her head outside from underneath her brother's arm.

"_Haiiiiiiiii!_" she screams loudly—but happily, thank GOD—and hops out onto the porch wearing a bright yellow dress with so many ruffles that I can barely see her tiny little body under all of the shiny fabric.

"Um, hello. Belle, is it?" I blink down at her in question.

"No, stupid!" she shouts with a giggle. Jesus, she needs a lesson in manners. "I'm Snow White!"

Okay, now I'm confused. "But—"

"Just let her say that," Sammy butts in and shakes his head.

Bailey rushes back inside the house, calling out for Royce to come outside.

"Roy said that was the last costume the store had in her size," Sam starts explaining to me, "but he told her it was Snow White's secret princess dress that only special princesses know about." His eyes roll.

"And she believed him?" I hold back a laugh.

Sam shrugs. "She's four."

I nod and hold out some of the gifts in my hands. "These are for you guys, from Esme and Carlisle. Edward has some more for you in the car."

"Oh." Sam slowly reaches out to help me with a small look of disappointment on his face.

"Edward and I got you some presents, too." I feel the need to encourage a smile from him. The smile he gives me is forced, though. I crouch down a bit, so that we're nearly eye level. "Something wrong?"

He shakes his head and starts to retreat back into the house. "It's fine," he mumbles as he walks away from me. He's clearly not fine, but I can't make him tell me what's wrong, right?

"Watch out." Edward's gruff voice startles me from behind. I turn to see him struggling to balance two armfuls of presents along with the food Esme prepared.

I quickly grab the food dishes and scowl at Edward. "Seriously?" I snort in annoyance and leave him at the door to set the table in the kitchen.

"'Sup, dollface?" Royce comes out from the back of the house with Bailey on his shoulders. "Whoa, what is all that?" he asks excitedly as he sets his sister down onto the floor. "I told you that Edward and Bella were friends with Santa."

Bailey's eyes look as if they're about to pop out from her head. "Howey smowkes!" She falls right there in the middle of the floor, onto her knees, and crawls toward the presents.

"Hold on." Royce snatches her up before she starts to tear into them. "They're not all yours, slugger." Her tiny arms stretch out to reach what she clearly can't touch.

Then I hear Jack squeal with giggles behind me when Edward lifts him up onto his shoulders. "Same goes to you, small fry." He tickles Jack's sides.

"Edward." I cringe and move closer to play catcher if need be. "Careful or you'll drop him."

"What?" He grimaces dramatically. "I would never—whoa!" He pretends as if he's about to drop Jack, who screams with laughter.

"So not funny," I growl and cross my arms.

"What's up your butt?" Royce teases before depositing his sister into my arms. "You hungry, my little Oompa Loompas?"

"_No!_" Jack and Bailey shout.

Royce and Edward push the coffee table and recliner out of the way so that the kids can gather around the poor excuse for a Christmas tree. It looks like one of the trees that fell off the back of a truck and was left on the side of the road. But despite all of that, there are so many lights running throughout the branches that it's hard to notice. Except for me, but I'm picky like that.

We pass out the gifts for the kids to open one at a time, so as to drag out the process of them only having about three or four gifts each. Bailey almost busts our eardrums when she opens my gift of a Disney Princess tea set and a hot pink feather boa with a fake diamond tiara.

No little girl should sit around the table for tea without a tiara and feather boa. That's just my opinion; it's how I was raised. The one memory of my childhood that sticks out: tea time with mom with our outrageous party hats and neon-colored boas.

Royce mouths the words '_thank you' _to me and I give a small smile in return.

Jack loves his Harry Potter invisibility cloak—which we all act as if we can't see him when he puts it on—and magic wand. They get other things, but it's these that they seem to enjoy the most. I smugly sit back because out of all their gifts, they love mine the most. I have to call Rose later and thank her. Everyone seems happy, even Sam, who sits on the couch watching his brother and sister open their gifts.

Edward and Royce help the younger ones put their toys together and I take this time to sit down next to Sam. "Aren't you gonna open your presents?" I point to his little pile of gifts at his feet.

He shrugs. "I don't need them."

I pause. What eight-year-old kid says something like that? "I think you'd hurt Esme and Carlisle's feelings if they knew you felt that way." I set my arm across the back of the coach and behind his head. "What about my gift? I know you're going to like it."

"I dunno." He looks down at his hands.

"What's the matter, kid?" I nudge him. "When I was your age, I was running around like your sister when it was present time."

"Well, I'm not a baby." He looks up at me with attitude. "I don't play with toys, and every year Esme and Carlisle get me stupid action figures that Jack ends up playing with anyway."

"You are way too young to be this jaded, Sammy." I grab my gift from the floor and place it on his lap. "I guarantee that you're gonna like this. I have an inside source who assures me it's right up your alley."

"Royce doesn't know what I like." Sam pouts.

"Well, good, 'cause I didn't ask him," I counter. "Now, quit being such a Scrooge and open your present."

He sighs and starts to peel back the red and green wrapping paper. The first pull reveals a sliver of the model helicopter on the front of the box. He pauses with his hands out at his sides and stares down at it for a moment. I watch closely as he—at a freaking glacier's pace—unwraps the rest of the box.

"Tada!" I shout, complete with jazz hands and an excited expression on my face.

He blinks down at it and says nothing. Then he shoves it to the side and jumps up to his feet to slam himself in his room.

"Sam!" Royce shouts in shock and immediately stands up to go after him.

"No!" I rush over to stop Royce. "Let me handle this, okay?"

"He's not going to let you in there." Royce shakes his head. "He's going to push the dresser in front of the door. He does that when he gets like this."

I look over at Edward, who's sitting on the floor with his legs spread out in front of him while Bailey sits between his knees and serves him pretend tea. He lifts his head and locks gazes with me. I hate when we fight; he does, too. In that shared look we both say sorry, and he nods his head at me then calls Royce back into the living room.

I gulp and raise my hand to knock on the door to the room Sam shares with his brother and sister. He doesn't answer, and I hear nothing on the other side of the door, either.

"Sam, can you please let me in? I just want to talk. I promise not to let you open any more presents. I'm sorry I upset you, okay?" I say at the door with my hands planted against it. "Sammy?"

The door swings open an inch and I see his red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks—my heart breaks—and when he turns his back to me to walk over to his bed, I slip inside and shut us in the room. I'm so glad he didn't move the dresser; that would have been a disaster when I attempted to climb inside through the window.

I would have done it, too.

I sit down next to him on the bed, making sure to leave a suitable gap between us, just in case he doesn't want me near him. He concentrates really hard on picking at the tattered holes in his jeans at the knees. I'm not sure how long I'm supposed to wait until one of us says something. I've been an only child all my life with no cousins, so I don't know how this works.

"I'm sorry you hate my gift." I break the quiet in the room with a soft tone.

"I don't hate it," he whispers. "I just know who told you to get it."

I'm shocked as hell by this new information. I clear my throat and scoot an inch or two closer. "Can you elaborate a little bit?"

He pauses his picking at his knee and side-glances me. "What does e-lab-or-ate mean?"

I smile. "It means can you tell me a little more about what you just said?"

He turns and looks at me as if I'm stupid. "I just asked you what elaborate means. How is it possible to tell you more?"

I roll my eyes. "You know what I mean, Sam."

He smirks slightly and goes back to the hole on his jeans. "I know."

I sigh, my patience wearing a bit thin. I have to remind myself that he's only eight. Kids are difficult, and that sucks because I don't like when people draw things out. Like Edward does. It drives me absolutely insane when I want to know something and I have to climb towers and walls just to get him to talk to me.

"Sam…" I push for him to tell me what's going on.

He slaps his palms down onto his legs and then lets his head fall back on his neck to stare at the ceiling. "I know it was Rosalie who told you to buy the helicopter."

I was not expecting that. Like, at _all_. "Oh." I lick my lips. "Umm…"

"She promised me she was going to buy me one." His head rolls back down so that his chin is on his chest. "But she lied," he whispers with a grimace. "She left, and she never came back." His voice is muffled because of how he's sitting.

I slink my fingernails down his back so that it tickles him and he sits upright. "She didn't mean to lie to you, buddy," I reply with my hand on his shoulder. "There are some things that happened, and she had to go away. I don't think she thought about how her leaving would affect you guys. She, umm…" I hesitate to say too much. "You see… Rose and your brother, they had a fight and they broke up, so she left, but I know she still cares about you. She didn't mean to leave _you_. Does that make sense?"

He shrugs.

"Doesn't it mean something that she knew that you would really enjoy the gift I bought for you? If it wasn't for her, I probably would have bought you a Ninja Turtle backpack," I tease him.

He makes a face of disgust. "Seriously?"

I shrug like he'd done to me. He stares at me without blinking, and so I stare right back at him. We sit like this for who knows how long, because it has become a battle of wills that I cannot back down from. Shit, I have to blink. I can do this, but no, no, I can't do this!

And right when I'm about to blink, I see Sam's lashes flutter, and at the same time, we both gasp and point fingers at each other while we shout, "You blinked!"

-x-

_I dreamt I was a child_

_Holding a string_

_into the sky_

_Climbing it till I finally reached the other side_

_A city of gold_

_A beautiful noise_

_A blanket of sound_

_Covering me_

_pulling the sky into the ground_

_I get carried away_

_Please_

_Warm the blood inside my veins_

_I get carried away_

_Please_

_Warm the blood inside my veins_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Gutter by Paper Route_. FUCKING-AMAZING song. If you don't download or listen to it on youtube RIGHT now, I'm not sure if we can still be friends…

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Follow my Twitter for the most up to date info regarding this fic. Follow my Tumblr for accompanying images for this fic, 

**TK FIC REC:** Friday's at Noon by troublefollows1017.

**Next update…** just keep checking my twitter or read my FAQ page on my tumblr. I will keep the most up to date info regarding the next update in these two places. You do not have to ask me when I am going to update anymore because it will be listed on my FAQ page. **I will not reply if you message or tweet me asking when I am going to update. Anything else feel free to ask me, mmmkay?**

Thank you, besitos!


	30. White Blank Page

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would have spent tonight with Robsten for BB's birthday instead of trying to find as many typos as I could for this chapter.

SHOUT OUTS—_Jess: Love you.__DarlingSaila: I am so sorry you're so sick. I wish I had special powers to heal you! Thank you for listening to my whacky questions and weird stories. EVERYONE: You are all so amazingly patient and I love you. Thank you for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… I love you all._

_Please note that my beta is very sick and could not beta this chapter. So that means this chapter is not beta'd. The chapter is free-ballin' it, okay? Chapter 30 is going commando._

**THIS CHAPTER IS NOT BETA'D. ****THIS CHAPTER IS NOT BETA'D****. THIS CHAPTER IS NOT BETA'D.**

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ your ex turns out to be a huge douchebag.

Ch. 30: _White Blank Page_

In the weeks that pass after Christmas, life gets hectic, and by hectic? I mean crazy-busy. Between school, cheerleading, and now student government once again, I'm a mess. What's more? _Edward _is a mess. There is something going on with him that he's not telling me—shocker, right? But seriously, I don't know what to think. He and Carlisle haven't spoken since Christmas dinner and ever since that night Edward has been distant and… reckless.

Case in point: New Years Eve.

I still haven't forgiven him and it's been almost a whole month since. I'm even pissed at Royce because I know he's the one who encouraged Edward to do what he did. It happened sometime during the New Years _after party _at Makenna's house, when Edward and Royce thought it would be an awesome idea to shave Edward's head into a buzzcut.

Yes, they were beyond wasted, and yes technically so was I.

Which was why when I saw them I yelled, "And right before yearbook pictures? What am I going to tell our grandchildren?" in full out Dion from Clueless mode.

Secretly? The buzzcut turns me on in more ways than one. Every time I rub my hand over his head it makes me shiver and then he uses his stubbly chin to scratch my neck and collarbone. I can't even _begin _to explain what it feels like to wrap my thighs around his head.

But that shit is beside the point, because I can see Edward slowly going back to his old ways.

And it's starting to scare me.

"Stop!" I shout out at the squad. "You're form is off and the back row is one step behind the front. Are you guys even counting?" I shift so that my hand rests on my hip, I call this my bitch stance.

Groans are heard throughout the group. They're tired and sloppy, they're no good to me like this, and normally? I would have no problem sending them home, but that's not going to happen today. Nationals is only a few months away and if this is where we're at now with our routine? We're going to tank at the competition.

I can't have that on my conscience. Rosalie will die, rise from the dead, and then beat the shit out of me with her zombie body parts.

"It's my fault," Jessica speaks up. "I had to cancel our private sessions last week because I had a family thing. I didn't even think to reschedule, I just figured we'd pick it up at the next practice." She shrugs.

I chew on my lip as I think this over. "What if you took half the squad to practice first half of the dance routine, I'll take the ones who already have it down and we'll start on the second half?"

Now it's Jessica's turn to mull it over. She taps a finger against her chin and stares at the ground for a few beats. "All right." Her gaze rises to mine. "But at some point this week or next, you and I have to start coming up with new cheers and stunts for the competition. We can't go out there with the same ones from last year."

I nod my head in agreement. "Sounds good, how about this Friday? I'm free after school until Edward finishes his shift at six. We can skip out of last class early and set up in the gym?"

"I'll check and see if we'll have it to ourselves or not. If it's booked we can just use the dance studio, in fact I think that would be a way better place to practice." She adds with enthusiasm.

She's so right. I wish we could all practice in there, but it's always booked up and the dance director is a total bitch. She hates cheerleaders, they're not _real _dancers in her opinion. Which is why every year on Senior prank day she gets her house TP'd. I can't wait to see what happens to her this year.

"Hey, Bella!" Tia calls out from my left.

I turn to see her pointing out at the football bleachers where Edward is sitting comfortably. I feel an instant pull in my stomach, like a string linking us together and he's pulling on it. This is a surprise for sure because Edward usually avoids any contact with my school outside the parking lot. I have absolutely no ideas what he's doing here, but at the current moment, I'm just so happy to see him that I don't even care. It feels like it's been forever since he's shown an interest in what I do when I'm not with him. Actually, as of late it feels like all he cares about is… well, that's part of the problem. I have no idea what it is he cares about anymore. _That's _how closed off he's become.

Regardless, I'm excited to see him. Even though having him here is a bad idea, because he's going to distract me from my captain duties. I can't be around him and not lose myself in all things Edward Cullen.

"Uh, Bella?" someone says from behind me.

"Take ten." I wave a hand over my shoulder with my back to the squad as I walk straight to where Edward is. I stop between his open legs and grin when he winks at me with an unlit blunt held between his lips. I shyly suck my bottom lip into my mouth and chew on it with my teeth.

His eyes widen, pupils dilated and nostrils flaring. He's high. He smells like weed, sweet and potent and botanical. A deep grunt or growl slips free from his throat and I find myself leaning forward and placing my hands onto the tops of his thighs so I can hover over his face. He drops the blunt down to his lap, not caring where it falls, and tilts his chin up to meet my eyes.

"Hey," I whisper.

His nose touches mine and swipes back and forth across the tip. "Mmm," he hums like an idling car engine. "Hey." Now I want to cancel the rest of practice. This is exactly why he can't be here.

My hands clench into his jeans, pulling them taut against his hips so I can see the outline of his cock in his pants. "You can't be here…" I pant and lick my lips.

He chuckles and slides the side of his stubbly cheek against my face. "Why not?" he exhales through his nose into my ear. "Maybe I feel like watching that tight little ass of yours shake back and forth, you ever think of that?"

It's then that I feel his hands skim up the backs of my legs to palm my ass firmly. His lips are suddenly in front of mine and his tongue darts out to tease my lips apart. "You know, I should probably be mad that you walk around like this in front of people who are not me." His fingers pinch my left ass cheek so hard that I yelp and fall into his lap.

"Ow, Edward! That really fucking hurt!" I scowl at him angrily and straddle his lap so I can look over my shoulder and examine my injured booty. "Oh my God! You almost broke the skin!" I shout and rub my hand against the painful welt that's forming on my skin. Then I look down at him and frown. "Are you even going to say you're sorry?"

He leans back on the bench and shrugs. "Sorry."

For some reason, this doesn't just piss me off. It hurts my feelings, like… I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I feel my nose start to tinkle and my throat tighten. Fuck, it's almost aunt Flow's time to come and visit me. _Shit!_ I really hate when that bitch comes over.

But deep down, I know I'm not just upset because I'm close to my monthly. I'm hurt because he's been acting like this for weeks.

"_Nice_." I snort and shove him away from me so I can get up. "Next time you smoke and want to kill some time, stay the fuck away from me." My voice catches on the end of my rant, but I'm already walking away from him.

"Bella, wait!" he groans in irritation and I can hear his quick steps coming closer. "Baby, stop." His hands grab my waist from behind to pull my back to his chest. He kisses my shoulder and moves one of his hands to rub my sore ass cheek. "I'm sorry, I don't even know why I did that."

I close my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. "You've been saying that a lot lately, Edward."

"What the fuck do you want from me then, Bella? I said I was sorry." He snaps, exasperated, and pushes me away from him.

When I spin around, my eyes are rimmed with tears. "I don't want to do this with you right now. Just go." I try to leave, but he grabs my hand to keep me where I am.

"Are you crying?" he asks impatiently and tries to turn my face to his. "Look at me, damn it!"

I'm completely aware that my team is watching every move we make. Knowing this, I turn to face Edward and as calmly as possible, I say, "I don't know what your problem is, but ever since dinner at Esme's went wrong you have been a real asshole. I'm tired of you trying to kiss me or distract me with sex in order to try and make me forget it and forgive you."

"Wow," he scoffs, "you wanna lay this shit on me _now_, Bella? In front of your fake ass fucking friends?" he shouts while jerking a hand in my squads direction.

"Lower your voice!" I hiss at him and press my hands to his chest to shove him away and out of earshot of nosy ass cheerleaders.

"Why? Are you ashamed of me?" he sneers in my face.

"What?" I blink and step back in total shock. "Where is this coming from?"

He pulls his hat off and run a hand over his buzzcut that's growing back, while looking at the ground. "You said you didn't want me here," he says to the floor.

"I never said that." I shake my head.

His gaze rises to mine. "Yeah, you did. You said I shouldn't be here."

"Oh my God! Are you serious right now? I said that because you distract me, not because I didn't _want _you here. I can't even be in the same _room _as you without having to touch you, or kiss you, or—"

His mouth smashes against mine fiercely until I push against his chest and gasp for air. "I can't handle the thought of you being ashamed of me." He breathes with his forehead pressed to mine. "I was talking with Roy last night about… stuff." He rolls his head back and forth against my brow then locks eyes with me. "I don't know how he handles it. Being away from Rose and feeling like what I feel with you… I could never do it. I would never let you go, Bella."

And then he says shit like that and my dumb ass erases every shithead thing he's ever said or done. "No hours at the retirement home today?" I ask with a sigh.

He gulps and cups my face with a hand, his thumb caressing my jaw. "No," he whispers.

"Then let's go to my house and talk. I need to know what's going on with you, Edward. It's not just Royce or Alice… it's something else. I know it." I grab his face with my hands. "No more secrets, remember?"

He nods and closes his eyes. "Yeah…" His eyes open and plead silently with mine for understanding. "But this is different."

And just like that, we're back at square one.

_Again. _

-x-

I'm pissed and he knows it. It's why he hasn't said a damn word since we got to my house. Which is fine with me because if he's not going to tell me what's wrong then I don't want to hear it.

So while I stand at my dresser folding laundry and organizing my t-shirt drawer, he's laid out on my bed glued to his phone. Lately his phone has become another extension of his body. I know it can't be another girl because every time it beeps his face hardens. He's always texting someone or taking a call and referring someone to someone else because he "doesn't sell the hard shit anymore." Every time I hear him say that I feel a sting in my chest because I feel like he somehow resents me for it.

His phone rings and I roll my eyes when he answers on the first ring with a gruff, "Cullen."

This is where I usually tune him out as I pull out a clean pair of yoga pants from my laundry basket and set it aside for later.

He talks in code and I never understand it nor do I want to. It's all about, "buds," and, "dimes," and "dubs," and "trees," and "purps," and "fire," and "Twilight," and "Eclispe," and "shrooms," and I could care less except for the fact that it's happening more and more often. I'm not as stupid as I make myself out to be when it comes to what Edward does on the side. I know that he sells more than just weed. I've seen the bag of ecstasy pills in his sock drawer next to what I can only guess is magic mushrooms and high dose prescription pills.

"What do I look like, Jenks? He's just trying to scare you, fuck him… I swear to God if you take that deal we're done… I know what Royce thinks, but he's just hard up for cash… No, I don't sling that anymore… 20 a hit, why?" He snorts and I stare at him from my vanity mirror in front of me.

I can't believe him sometimes. I knew what I was getting into when we got together but I was so convinced it was a means to an end. His temper, his drug dealing, his asshole tendencies… I sigh and unbutton my jeans before pushing them past my hips to slide down my legs and land in a pile at my feet. After I step out of them and kick them a few feet away, I grab my yoga pants to pull them on, but I pause when Edward starts talking again.

"Yeah that's fine, I'll give Alec a call and get back to you… Whatever, Jenks do what you want, I don't give a fuck… Yeah… No, don't call him… Because I know him and you don't. He'll rip you off unless I do it for you, you dumb shit…" He scowls down at his lap and then his gaze lifts to mine through the mirror. "I gotta go." He mutters and ends the call.

We stare at each other for a few quiet seconds. He says nothing, I say nothing… but our expressions say everything. I'm on the outside looking in and he's keeping me there—on purpose. It hurts, so bad it hurts. I feel a physical pain in my chest as I look back at him with an intense urge to beg him to open up to me. The longer we stare, the tighter my chest clenches and my breath catches in my throat. I watch him stand up from my bed and slowly make his way over to stand behind me.

"Were you just drug dealing on my bed?" I barely manage to croak out the words.

He blinks. "What?"

I shake my head and look down into my open underwear drawer. "You know how I feel about that," I reply as I separate solid colors from designs.

I hear him heave a deep sigh and I drop the yoga pants I had in my hand down into the drawer before turning to face him. "Why are you shutting me out? What did I do, Edward? Tell me."

His brow winkles in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

I laugh but it sounds more like a sob. "Really, Edward? You're going to pretend like you don't have any idea what I'm talking about?"

"Please don't cry, baby." He frowns and brushes away a tear from my cheek. "It has nothing to do with you, okay? It's just some personal shit I got going on and I…" he sighs and runs a hand over his head. "I just need you to trust me right now, okay?"

I clench my jaw and shake my head at him. "Whatever." I go back to what I was doing in my drawer.

His arms wrap around my waist to pull me against him and his lips press against the side of my face. We stare at each other in the mirror and I wait for him to say something. "Don't be mad," he whispers into my ear and kisses my cheek.

I close my eyes and will away the part of me that wants to melt into his arms and forgive and forget. I'm _always _doing that. Why is it okay for him to keep secrets, but if I do he acts like I'm the biggest betrayer on the planet? It's not fair.

"You would be so mad if you were me." I scowl at our combined reflection. "And don't lie, because I know you would be pissed if you knew I was keeping something from you."

He sighs in annoyance and rolls his eyes. "This is different."

I try to pull free from his hold but he tightens his arms to trap me. "Fine. Then I'm not telling you anything anymore. Not a damn thing, Edward. And I want you to leave." I struggle to shove him away from me, it's like trying to push against a brick wall.

"You don't mean that," he responds confidently, completely unaffected by a damn word I've said. "It's nothing you need to worry about, okay?" he breathes into my ear and reaches around to slide his hands down my torso and pauses at the bottom of my shirt.

I exhale shakily as he runs his hands up the inside of my top, his palms against my stomach. I shiver and feel my skin prickle into gooseflesh. A tingle starts in my belly and travels down to my ladybits. I want to rub my back against his front so badly, but I resist. I'm supposed to be mad right now. Right?

"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't worry about, Edward." I seize my anger and hold on tight. "That's my decision to make. How many times are we going to have this fucking conversation?"

"Sounds more like a fight than a conversation." His brow wrinkles irritably as his mouth twists into a sneer.

I wrestle within his arms one more time. "Get off of me!" My heated response doesn't lighten his iron hold a bit.

His arms seems to tighten even more than before, I can barely breathe. "And if I don't?" he grunts into the side of my face, only barely putting effort into subduing my frantic body wiggling.

"God damn it, Edward! Knock it off!" I scream as loud as I can out into the room. "I hate you! Get the fuck off of me!"

He chuckles as if I've done something cute. "You don't hate me."

My heart pounds away in my chest as my blood boils throughout my veins, searing every inch of me until I feel like I'm on fire. My anger builds and bubbles while I stare daggers at his image across from me in the mirror. I tremble from the amount of emotions coursing through me, I know I'm at my breaking point. He must know, he _has _to know that I can only take so much.

"You have no idea how much it hurts to love you the way that I do and know that you don't feel the same way." My lower lip quivers, my eyes gloss over and my vision is blurry from the tears that well up beneath my lids.

I'm suddenly spun around, the momentum yanks the liquid from their tear ducts and they slide down my cheeks freely. I flinch when I feel his hand on my face and his thumb tracing the trails my tears make. I don't think I have ever cried so much than in the five months I have been Edward Cullen's girlfriend.

"How can you say that to me?" he asks in a small and frail voice. "I would fucking do anything for you, you know that?" He takes my face between his hands. "I have loved you since I was fucking eight years old, Bella. Shit like this never goes away." He presses my hands to his chest. "You _own _me. I am yours, every part of me."

I shake my head. "Not every part."

"Only because I don't want you to see those parts." He caresses my chin with his fingers. "Please don't make me."

"W-why not?" I cry, my voice a shaky mess.

"I corrupt you enough as it is, baby." He kisses my forehead, my eyelids, my tear streaks, and my then my lips. "How many more times are we going to do this?" he asks in a way that make me look up at him warily. "Do you trust me or not? That's what it comes down to."

"No." I clench his hands in mine. "It's _not _about me trusting _you_, Edward. It's about _you_ trusting _me_. Because if you did then you would _tell _me what's wrong with you. Why are you selling again? Why aren't you talking to Carlisle? Why do you turn into such an asshole at the drop of a dime? I thought we were over all of this, Edward! I thought—"

"Jesus Christ, Bella!" He bellows into my face. "Can you just lay off of me for five fucking minutes?" He backs away and rams his hands into the newly grown hair on his head. It's barely an inch and I when he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath I wonder for a quick second if he misses his hair or not.

I turn my back to Edward and stare down at my open drawer. He doesn't trust me, it's as simple as that. He doesn't love me the same way I love him. We're not on the same page, we're going into two separate directions. I'm going forward, and he's moving backward. What the hell are we going to do when it's time for college?

I set my hands to the top of the vanity and spread my fingers out to press my palms onto the cool wooden countertop. I love him. I love him so, so much that I can't function without him. Just the thought of us ever breaking up forms a ball in my throat large enough to strangle me. Which is exactly what happens, I choke out a sob and clench my eyes shut with my head bowed down over my dresser.

I'm sick with worry because I feel him pulling away and I hate how scared it makes me feel. Who am I? If I were to look up at my reflection right now would I be able to tell? How the hell did I get to this place in my life? When did I become this clingy, weak, little girl? I struggle to catch my breath, I feel him move closer, but he doesn't touch me. His hesitation only proves to pull more tears into my eyes and pain into my chest.

I want to scream at him. I want to hit him and beg him to stop shutting me out. Why does he continue to shut me out after everything we've been through? Does he not care how this makes me feel? Did he intentionally lie directly to my face when he promised not to do the very thing he's doing right now?

"Are you working for Aro?" I lift my gaze and ask him point blank.

He pauses, caught up inside his head trying to find an appropriate answer. His hesitation is all the answer I need. I let my head fall and clench my eyes closed. How can I ever trust him again?

His hands settle at my hips. "It's…" he clears his throat. "Complicated."

I refuse to open my eyes or lift my head from its bowed position. "Everything about you is complicated, Edward." I whisper more to myself than to him. "Sometimes I wish I felt for Jasper at least half of what I feel for you. My life would be so much easier…" I shake my head.

"Yeah? Well sometimes I wish you never jumped off that swing." He bends his body to hover over mine. His chest to my back, his lips at my ear, his hands on my waist. "I wish my mother had never drilled into my head ridiculous ideas about true love and following your heart and paying attention to signs…"

I gulp and tense my shoulders when I feel his lips skim the back of my neck.

"You want me to open up, baby?" he asks as his tongue lightly teases my skin beneath my ear. "If I tell you why I love you so god damned much, will you please trust me?"

I clench my eyes shut and take a deep and very shaky breath. "I want you to open up, but I don't know if that will make me trust you."

His arms pulls me to him so tightly I grimace as the air pushes out of my lungs. "You know I'll tell you anything you want to know, Bella. It just takes me a while to work up to it."

I nod my head. He's right. He does usually cave after a while and tell me what's bothering him. I just hate how long it takes him. I have to remind myself that Edward is the most complex motherfucker on the planet.

"All right then." He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against my right shoulder. "My mom… Jesus, she was completely unpredictable sometimes. She changed her religion as easy as changing her clothes. Twisted, I know." He snorts into my hair. "She used to wear this shamrock necklace. I don't think I ever saw her without it." His fingers trail up my sides. "It was an Irish symbol of religion; The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. On the necklace with the shamrock was a four leaf clover. Faith. Love. Hope. Luck. She was really into that shit and so she would buy all these stupid knick knacks with shamrocks and four leaf clovers. The house was full of them, it was her 'thing,' you know?"

I nod my head and remain quiet as I listen to his story.

"She said," he chuckles softly to himself, as if he's about to reveal something somewhat silly and embarrassing. "She said that one day I would grow up and find someone who was going to take her place in my life. At the time I thought she was crazy, who the hell could ever compare to my mother? She was beautiful and smart and she loved me. The very idea of someone taking her place terrified me—pissed me off, even." He pauses and I hear him swallow a shaky breath. "When she left, my dad threw out everything that reminded him of my mom. The day I came home from school to see all her little knick knacks tossed out into the street, I knew she wasn't coming back. Truthfully, I knew before then because the same day she split she'd left her necklace on my pillow."

My heartbreaks for him, my hands rise to hug his arms that are firmly around me. I bring of his hands to my lips and press a small kiss to his palm. Baby steps, I tell myself. I can't expect him to crack open all at once, I have to take him in pieces. He's always so defensive and I forget the reasons why until he reminds me with stories like these.

His chin rests on my shoulder with his warm breath at my jaw. "It took a really long time for me to be able to leave the house when I wasn't at school. Royce hated staying inside and I knew it, but I didn't care. Then one day he finally had enough and he practically dragged me outside. I took my mom's necklace and kept it in my pocket. We walked to the playground and Royce was talking a mile a minute to try and cheer me up and I remember sticking my hands in my pockets and rubbing the charms on the necklace with my thumb. I'm walking and I'm not paying attention and I'm counting the leaves on the four leaf clover; faith, love, hope, and luck. Faith, love, hope, and luck. Faith, love, hope, and luck. Faith, love—_boom_." He says into my ear.

"Me." I whisper.

He nods his head. "You."

I turn around in his arms and take his face in my hands then slide them down to his chest. I don't know what to say. His eyes are shut, and his hands are at my waist and then they're at my ribs and then up into my hair…

"You were and are the most beautiful face I have ever seen, Bella." He pulls me closer so that he can lean his forehead against mine. "You came out of fucking nowhere and you had on these jean short overalls with a four fucking leaf clover on the front. I swear to God I thought he sent you to me on purpose. It didn't occur to me how important that day would be for me until much later. When Royce and I started school the next fall, Jake was in our class. Seeing him made me think of you—shit, Bella. Everything made me think of you, but eventually I saw these things as signs. I needed to follow the signs. I know you're the one who is supposed to replace her in my heart. You're my heart, Bella. I know you hate when I keep shit from you, but it's nothing you need to worry about. I'm not working for Aro. I swear it, okay? Please forgive me when I don't tell you certain things. I know I piss you off and I know I'm difficult and I shut down and I that I don't deserve you… but I swear to you baby, as long as I live I will always love you and I will _never _fucking leave you."

I pull him close and wrap myself around him.

"Please, Bella," he gasps into my shoulder and clutches me to his chest. "Just please don't ever leave me, okay? I don't know what I'll do if I lose you, baby. I just… I don't…"

"Shhh, Edward. It's okay." I whisper to him and kiss the hollow spot at his throat. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I run my fingers through the small hair at the nape of his neck. The weight of his words is heavy, but I love him so much I know I can carry it.

"I love you, Bella," his voice is choked with pent up emotion, "I love you so fucking much."

I continue to pet the back of his neck and kiss his face. "I love you, too." I tell him and allow him to carry me to my bed and take my clothes off and kiss me slowly and love me gently. When he comes, he trembles and shivers and at one point I think I see him he wipe away a tear. Afterward, I wrap my arms around him tightly and whisper words of comfort in his ear until he finally falls asleep.

-x-

**Facebook Status: **

**Emmett McCarty** Wishes he was a real boy

Comments:

**Rosalie Hale** Okay, Pinocchio!

**Garrett Donovan** No lying!

**Jasper Whitlock** Where the hell are you?

**Jessica Stanely **You so belong in a Disney movie, Emmett

**Bella Swan **Jiminy Cricket!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Between _**Leah Clearwater** _and _**Alice Brandon**

**Leah Clearwater **is he talking to you yet?

**Alice Brandon **not really.

**Leah Clearwater **do you even care anymore?

**Alice Brandon **IDK.

**Leah Clearwater **That's not an answer. It's a cop out.

**Alice Brandon **It's complicated, Leah.

**Leah Clearwater **Are you into him?

**Alice Brandon **You know that I am.

**Leah Clearwater **But he's hung up on Bella.

**Alice Brandon **I really hate her.

**Leah Clearwater **I'm sorry, hun. You want me to beat her up got you?

**Alice Brandon **Ha ha. I wish. But no, if that ever happens I'll handle it myself.

**Leah Clearwater **Touche, bitch.

**Alice Brandon **FML.

**Leah Clearwater **or fuck Jasper.

**Alice Brandon **That would require him speaking to me.

**Leah Clearwater **Is Cullen still being a bitch, too?

**Alice Brandon **I'm over his attitude. If he wants to throw away 10 years of friendship for that whore than fine.

**Leah Clearwater **so then you want Jasper?

**Alice Brandon **I want Jasper.

**Leah Clearwater **But Jasper still wants Bella?

**Alice Brandon **I don't know what he wants anymore.

**Leah Clearwater **Funny how you finally make a decision over who you really want and he's suddenly just not that into you." LOL!

**Alice Brandon **I hate you.

**Leah Clearwater **You love me. I'm the only one who's never left your sorry ass.

**Alice Brandon **Thanks, Leah.

**Leah Clearwater **That's what best friend's are for, right?

**Alice Brandon **Exactly. Now come over and watch Jersey Shore reruns with me.

**Leah Clearwater **I do love me some Pauly-D.

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Wall Post:_ to **Bella Swan **_from_ **Jasper Whitlock **

**Jasper Whitlock** Countdown stars pretty soon, huh?

**Bella Swan** To what?

**Jasper Whitlock** Legalization.

**Bella Swan** LOL you dork.

**Jasper Whitlock** Got any plans?

**Bella Swan** Nope. My plan is to NOT have plans.

**Jasper Whitlock** That's not how you should spend a monumental birthday, Bella.

**Jasper Whitlock **Your boyfriend's not even going to take you out?

**Bella Swan** Just drop it, Jas.

-x-

Oh, my Lord! She drives me _crazy!_

"No, you are not," I spit through gritted teeth into my phone. "And I don't want to hear stupid shit like that come from out of your mouth ever again."

"But it's true!" she cries and her blubbering grows louder with every word. "I will never be able to wear a two piece bathing suit ever again, Bella!"

I continuously bang my forehead against the cold glass window beside me inside my of car. "Your hormone levels are off the charts, Rose."

"_I kn-kn-knowwww!_" she wails right before blowing her nose directly into my ear. "And the w-worst part is th-that now no one will ever w-want to be with m-me! B-because I'm hi-hideous!"

I want to tell her to shut the fuck up, but I know that's not a very nice thing to say. So I say nothing at all, and I just let her cry it out. She won't really let me get in but a word or two anyway. I hate that I'm not physically with her during these mood swings, then again? I'm really fucking _glad _I'm not with her during these crazy as fuck mood swings.

"I will nev-ver be ab-able to find my p-poor little girl a fa-father!" Rosalie cries so hard right then she hiccups and starts to cough.

This time I bang my head so hard I actually hurt myself. "Ow! Mother fu—wait a minute…" I sit up straighter in my seat and clutch my phone close to me. "Did you just say… oh my God, Rosalie! Are you having a girl?" I smack my hand on the steering wheel with glee. "_OhmygodRosalieeeee!"_

"Oh no, I had such a clever way to tell you and now its ruined!" she sniffles. I'm grateful that at least her crying has died down.

I'm beyond excited right now. I have no idea why. I thought knowing the sex would freak me out, but it doesn't. It just makes me so crazy excited and proud of Rosalie. This is really happening.

"Oh, Rose." I feel a tremor start in my voice. "This is so real. This is really happening, you're going to have a baby!"

She sniffles and I hear her blow her nose again. "I know, it's tripping me out. I could have known the sex a while ago, but I was too scared. Then one day I just… I wanted to know."

I suddenly feel very emotional. "I wish I was there with you, Rosalie."

"I wish you were, too. I admit it's not so bad here, my aunt and uncle are totally boss, but… I miss you. I miss Emmett and Jasper and I even miss those bitches on the squad." She snorts back a small laugh.

I wipe away a tear that's rolled down my cheek. "Are you mad that I didn't try harder to get you to stay?" I ask out of the blue, I need to work on that mouth filter for real. "I-I mean, I just… I feel like a bad friend. I didn't even know you were holding back on the babies sex. I just thought it wasn't developed yet. Do you want to come home, Rosalie? I won't hesitate to fly down there and get you. Hell, even Edward and Royce are down for it. You said you like it there, but do you even _want _to be there?"

She's quiet for a bit, then she sighs. "I'm kind of glad, actually. That I'm here, I mean."

Hearing her say that kind of stings, but I say nothing.

"My aunt is helping me so much. She's so on top of everything, she makes me eat healthy and she even rubbed cocoa butter on my stretch marks last night, Bella. For the first time in my entire fucking life I feel like I have a mother… I know that makes me sound so fucking immature, but I don't care. I feel safe here… _loved_," she whispers just as her breath catches and I know she's about to cry again.

"Okay." I'm quick to agree. "It's all right, honey. If you feel safe and happy there? Then I don't see why you shouldn't stay where you are. For the sake of mini Rose." I add with a small, but watery, smile.

"I love you, Bella." Her words are genuine and emotional and they make my throat tighten up.

I dig my nails into my thigh to keep me from bawling like a lunatic, and take a deep breath. "I love you, too, prego girl."

She chuckles softly. "All right, enough of my whining. Go get to class, I know lunch is over in like five minutes."

"Too right, you are." I swipe a finger under my eyes and check my face in the sun visor mirror above the steering wheel. "Call you later?"

"Yes," she clears her throat, "just make sure it's after eight your time."

I blink curiously. "Why?"

"Because they play reruns of The Big Bang Theory on TBS and I don't like to be disturbed." She answers in a dead serious tone.

It's silent for all of three seconds before we're both laughing our asses off.

-x-

I haven't told anyone, but… I'm really fucking nervous for when college acceptance letters go out. I applied to a handful of colleges, and two that I know I will never get into. Ivy league? _Ha!_ Dream school on the East coast? _Psh!_ Yeah right. Even U-Dub is looking like a no-go, I'll never be able to pay for college without digging myself a deep ass hole in loans.

Hence the stack of online printouts for grants, scholarships, and FAFSA forms. One way or another, I'm going to need some sort of assistance if I want to go to college. I hate that I'm not rich like most of the students that go to my school.

It's actually really depressing to think about. Especially since I don't really have anyone to talk about it with. Edward doesn't even like to hear the _word _"college," and Rosalie would probably burst out into tears because college isn't an option right now. Royce laughs at the very idea of college and Jake has been so busy with football and Makenna I rarely ever see him anymore.

And that's about as far as my circle of friends go. Hence, my solo freak out. Which, if I'm not careful, will turn into a panic attack. Deep breathes in, long breathes out…

"Belly boo!" Emmett's boisterous boom startles me out of my thoughts. "Why are you hiding in the back of the library?" he swings the chair beside me around to straddle it.

Quickly shoving my FAFSA forms and such under my school books, I shrug and wave a hand over the mess of homework I have fanned out in front of me. "Mrs. Cope gave a free period and a few of us got the option to come here and study."

"Is Jas here?" Emmett looks over both his shoulders in search of his bestie.

My focus is back on my first draft essay for my AP American Government class. "I'm not sure, I was the first one to ask and I was out the door before she even said yes."

I start to busy myself with highlighting important parts of my textbook. Totally illegal, but I don't care. My dad's the police chief, what can they really do to me?

"So…" Emmett pauses as he finishes off a text message on his phone. "So, a little birdy told me that someone has a birthday coming up in a few weeks." He wiggles his brow.

I roll my eyes and close them so I can shake my head. I refuse to acknowledge that my birthday is in a little over a month away. I'm ready to be 18, but I'm not ready to celebrate it. In fact, if I had my way, I wouldn't celebrate it at all.

"Does that little birdy have blonde hair and a bun in the oven?" I respond with a healthy dose of sarcasm. "Because said birdy barely has room to talk. Her birthday is a month after mine."

Emmett chuckles heartedly. "No, actually this birdy is a quarterback who and has a southern twang that's known to melt the panties clean off the ladies." His grin is shit eating and I wish it didn't make me want to laugh so hard.

"You are so stupid, Emmett!" I give in and giggle into my hands. Shit, I just giggled. What the fuck? Lord, I guess I still have a bit of that valley-girl in me.

"_Shhh!_" The Librarian, Mrs. Lincoln, scolds us with a stern finger pressed to her wrinkles lips.

This just works to make Emmett scoots his chair closer to mine. "So, what do you have planned?" he asks.

"Uh, nothing?" I answer and go back to my homework. "I don't really feel like celebrating my birthday this year."

I see Emmett frown from out the corner of my eye. "But you only turn 18 once, smalls!" He shakes me slightly by the shoulder. "If that's not a reason to celebrate, then I don't know what is."

I shut my book and gather up my papers. "I don't know," I sigh and shove everything down into my backpack before I turn in my seat to face Emmett. "I miss Rosalie and without her here…" I shrug. "I dunno. Turning 18 doesn't seem as glorious without having my best friend here with me, you know?"

"Well, if you change your mind you know I'm down to celebrate." He gives me an encouraging smirk and ruffles the hair on top of my head.

"_Shhh!_"

"Okay, okay!" Emmett stands up and looks at Mrs. Lincoln with wide, innocent eyes. "C'mon belly boo." He holds his hand out for me to take and then pulls me up out of my chair. "Want a slushie from the snack shack?"

I heft the straps on my backpack higher onto my shoulders and purse my lips. "Isn't it closed?"

"Not to us." He snickers and leads me away from the library and towards the back of the school where the bungalows are. "Jas is there with a few peeps, I told him I would bring you by."

"Why?" I grimace. "Jasper's been a total weirdo since Christmas."

Emmett says nothing until we're walking up onto the last bungalow where a giant neon sign reads: _Snack Shack._ He opens the door and I slip inside under his arm to see a group of people lounging around eating junk food like they're starving animals. They must have gone in the woods behind the football field and smoked a fattie. I can tell by their red eyes and dopey smiles.

"You better be ready to go after school, Tia." I snap at her, faking irritation. "We have practice and I don't want you to start whining about being tired."

Tia's eyes widen in surprise when she sees me. "B-Bella! I didn't see you there." She elbows Liam who is busy tilting his head back with three pixie sticks in his mouth.

"Oh! Be-wah!" He mumbles caught in the act and spills sugar all down the front of his shirt. "We wur dus abow do weeve."

Emmett hands me a cherry slushie and I laugh as I sip. "Chill stoners, I was fucking with you. We don't have practice again until Friday."

They laughed uncomfortably, not quite believing me.

"Okay, so everyone in here has to help me convince Bella to have a party for her birthday next month." Emmett wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives an affectionate squeeze. I know he means well, but I'm kind of pissed that he's ignoring my wishes to _not _celebrate my stupid birthday.

"When?" Chelsea whips around from somewhere behind Jasper. "Oh my gosh, you _have _to do something. You only turn 18 once, Bella!"

I turn away and look out the window to see Jessica and Lauren making their way up the ramp to join us. Making Emmett, Jasper and Liam the only guys in a room full of five girls. I contemplate my odds of a clean getaway when Jessica strolls inside with Lauren as her close shadow.

"What's with all the serious faces?" Jessica snorts and thanks Liam when he hands her a handful of Pixie sticks. "Hello?" She looks at all our faces and rips the top off a blue stick.

"Bella doesn't want to celebrate her birthday." Chelsea pouts and falls down onto a giant blue beanbag. "It's so unfair."

I roll my eyes and sip from my slushie before I respond. "Why can't you have your own party for _your _birthday?"

Snickers erupt all around me.

"She did," Tia giggles, "she just doesn't remember it."

Chelsea sticks out her tongue.

"Well, whatever. I'm not going to have a party just because you can't remember your own. That's dumb." I cross my arms and lean into Emmett. He nuggies the top of my head until I squeal and scramble across the room towards Jasper.

Lauren watches me closely and I start to wonder what her deal is. Then she chews on her bottom lip as if she's dying to say something but doesn't know if she should or not. It's probably smarter for her to keep her trap shut, but now that I know she has something to say no way will I let it go.

"Spit it out, Lauren." I demand in a no bullshit manner.

Her eyes dart to Jessica who subtly shakes her head no. She pushes back against the wall to try and blend in with everyone else. I step forward to confront her and Jasper slips an arm around my waist to pull me back beside him.

"Bella misses Rosalie," he drawls sympathetically.

I miss her like crazy, but that's only part of the reason why. I don't want to celebrate because all the people I want to invite don't get along. I can't have Edward in the same room as Jasper and I can't invite Emmett without Jasper—in fact I can't invite Emmett at all if I want Royce to come and Edward would never agree to go without him. Then there's the possibility that Jasper would invite Alice. Heads will roll if that happens, I'll be damned if I have to share the same air space as her on _my _damn day.

So, it's just better to avoid it altogether.

"Well, it's like I said," Emmett starts, "if you change your mind, Bella, we're down for whatever. Just don't spend your birthday doing nothing."

"Oh, she'll be doing _something_." Jessica cracks and slaps a hand through the air as if to smack an invisible ass while Tia, Liam and Chelsea sing porno music.

"Oh my God, shut up!" I blush and cover my face. Jasper's arm immediately drops from around my waist and I feel only slightly guilty about it. He's not my boyfriend and he's dating Alice so I shouldn't have to hide my relationship with Edward to spare his feelings.

Feelings that he shouldn't have for me anyways.

Jessica has to lean onto Emmett she's laughing so hard and I can't help but join in myself. Chelsea sneaks up behind my back and trickles her fingers up my spine. "So how is it with lover boy anyway? I swear if he didn't go to La Push I would have _so _hit that."

I snort and shrug her hands away from me. "I don't think so, Chelsea."

She shrugs, not caring one bit. "Well, I would have at least tried. And you didn't answer my question. Come on, Bella. We're _dying _to know if that boy's hung like a—"

"Chelsea!" I shriek with wide eyes. "You are no longer allowed to speak if you've been smoking."

She giggles huskily and winks at me then whispers something to Tia who loses her balance and falls onto the beanbag, bringing Chelsea with her. Usually, shit like this would annoy the mother fucking shit out of me. But instead, it makes me miss the hell out of Rosalie. I miss giggling and falling over and sharing secrets with her.

It really hits me right then how much I have bounded myself to Edward. The only people I talk to outside of school are Royce, Jake, and Makenna—aside from Rosalie and my boyfriend. This doesn't mean I want to start having sleepovers and shit, but I miss having girl time that wasn't Skyped and interrupted by hormonal mood swings. Mak is cool, but she has her own group of friends and those friends are friends with Alice. Aside from that, when she's not with them she's with Jake.

"So, party?" Chelsea pokes her head up from somewhere beneath Tia on the beanbag.

For the first time in a long time, I actually wish I could. I don't say that of course. Out loud I shrug coolly and say, "I dunno, I'll have to think about it first."

Lauren snorts from her corner of the room. "You mean ask for Edward's permission first."

Everything is suddenly deathly quiet.

"What did you just say?" I ask, turning slowly around to face her.

She opens her mouth but Jessica cuts her off in a stern warning tone. "_Lauren."_ Her mouth is drawn into a thin line as she glares across the room at her bigmouthed friend.

"What the hell?" I look around the room.

Tia and Chelsea untangle themselves from the beanbag. "It's just…" Tia stands up and Liam pulls her to his side with his arm wrapped securely around her waist. "You kinda… fell off over the past few months, Bella. We don't see you at Giovanni's before games, or go to any parties unless Cullen swings by to, uh… '_visit?'_"

Looking from face to face, I feel like I've been punched in the gut. No one will look me in the eye directly, all but Jessica and that's only because she looks a bit smug. _Bitch_.

"Like any of you even care!" I end up exploding.

"Whoa, Belly! You serious?" Emmett almost falls over in shock.

Jasper comes over. "You shut _us_ out, Bella. Not the other way around," he responds from my outburst softly.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. "But you _hate _me!" I whirl around and point at Jessica in a frenzy.

She shrugs in a completely nonchalant way that makes me want to clock her. "You're tolerable when you're not acting as if you're so above everyone."

Fuck. This.

"Screw all of you!" I snap as I back away from everyone like a trapped mouse in a snake pit. "I'm not the bad guy in this, you all shut _me _out, okay? I don't live in a big fancy house, or spend my fucking summer's in the south of France! You're the snobs who look down on _me!_"

"Hey." The next thing I know Jasper is in front of me with his hands on my face, trying to get me to relax. "Calm down, Bella. You're getting all worked up over nothing. It's an easy fix, okay? Just be you, we like _you_. Not the fake little girl who hid behind Rosalie all the time."

I flinch as if I've been slapped and jerk away from him.

"Jas, that's messed." Emmett frowns.

Jasper keeps his gaze glued to me. His face is a mask of mixed emotions. "It's true," his response is somber and soft.

I yank myself away from Jasper's hands and glare at every shameful face in the room. "Fuck you, Jasper." I whisper.

"You already did, Bella," he scoffs in slight disgust. "Thoroughly. My dick, my head, and my life."

My hand swings out and collides with his face. "Bastard!" I scream as the first set of heated tears start to slide down my face. "I can't believe you would say that to me you asshole!"

"Isn't that what you like?" he shouts at me. "You like assholes who treat you like shit. Don't lie about it because we're in front of people, Bella. I've _seen _the way he treats you!"

Emmett yanks me backward before I can react. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" he yells at Jasper in stunned disbelief. "You are so lucky I know about the shit you got going right now on or I would lay your ass out, Whitlock. Go the fuck home and get your shit together, bro."

Jasper leaves without looking back. Liam grabs Tia to do the same and Tia links her fingers through Chelsea's on their way out to pull her along. I don't even realize I'm shaking until Emmett asks me if I'm cold. I tell him no and look around for somewhere to sit down.

"Okay," Jessica speaks up, "Laur, Em, get out."

Emmett doesn't budge. "Fuck that."

"Girl time, McCarty. No dicks allowed!" she smacks his shoulder to get him moving. She kind of reminds me of Rosalie right then.

Lauren leaves without protest and I'm surprised that she does. I didn't know she was capable of pulling her head from out Jessica's asshole. Guess I was wrong.

"I'm not talking to you." I make sure Jessica knows this when she shuts the door and comes over to join me in one of the empty desks in front of the one I'm in.

She rolls her eyes dramatically. "So not going there with you right now, Bella."

The clock over her head lets me know that the last bell of the day is set to ring in fifteen minutes. I decide to give her until I've pulled myself together enough to drive my sorry ass home.

"So let's just keep this short and sweet, huh?" she starts. "We don't normally get along. I think you're pretentious bitch and you think I'm a snob and a whore."

I don't disagree with her.

She smirks at me. "But I think we can both agree that we tolerated each other for Rosalie's sake."

This ignites a whole new fire inside of me. "Yeah, until you backstabbed her like a fucking cu—"

"All right! I deserve that one, I already apologized to Rose and she's already forgiven me. As soon as she tells me the sex of the baby I'm sending her a fat ass care package, okay?" she huffs and leans back in her chair. "Look, Bella. We don't always have to fight. Look how we've gotten along so far at cheer practices. I respect the hell out of you when you're in captain mode, but it's like as soon as we're off the field or out of the gym you go right back to assuming all kinds of shit about us—actually the stuff about Jennifer is probably true. She's a total snobby bitch, but that's just how she was raised."

I haven't a clue what the fuck her point is in this ridiculous conversation.

"Okay, okay. Short and sweet." She reminds herself. "Basically I want to just settle our shit enough so that we can finish out the school year without anymore bitch fights, okay? You just do your thing, I'll do mine and when we're in the same room with each other? We act like fucking adults. That sound good to you?"

I nod my head. It does sound good. Impossible, but good. Now that my nerves are calm, I'm ready to leave. I push up to my feet and head for the door.

"The girls on the squad genuinely like you, Bella." She's right behind walking down the ramp outside. "Aside from Jennifer and Irina."

"Irina doesn't like me?" I'm legitimately surprised to hear that.

Jessica laughs softly. "No way. She's had a major crush on Edward since freshman year."

"And Tanya?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I don't think she cares either way."

I nod. "Well, okay then. Good to know who the fake ass bitches really are."

"Yep." She speaks in a way that makes me pause to ask her something.

But she's already halfway through the parking lot by then.

-x-

_I see now that this has been a story of the West, after all—Tom and Gatsby, Daisy and Jordan and I, were all Westerners, and perhaps we possessed some deficiency in common which made us subtly unadaptable to Eastern life._

My fingers pause on the paperback novel in my lap when I feel a pair of warm lips on my chin that trail upwards to my ear. I'm in the middle of taking notes for an upcoming essay in English class and Edward is supposed to be finishing up his Algebra homework. No fucking way does it take twenty minutes to complete every odd number in 120 questions.

"Stop." I frown and shift my body away from his eager mouth and hands. "I'm trying to study, Edward. Quit it." My shoulder lifts up to block his assault on my neck.

The TV is on mute, highlights of a past east coast NCAA game flashes across the screen before ESPN's logo pops up. For once it would be okay for him to ignore me to watch this damn channel, but of course, that's not the case. One of his hands crawl up the front of my shirt to slither up between my tits and pull down one of the cups of my bra. Before I have time to slap his hand away he's gripping my left breast and flicking his thumb nail over my nipple.

"Damn it, Edward!" I hiss through my teeth and fight the wave of heat that starts up from the middle of my stomach and darts down to my lady business. I start to squirm.

His teeth tease my earlobe and his tongue slides out to pull my earring between his teeth. He is so not playing fair. He does this all while continuously pulling at my now taut and aroused nipples. My tits seriously need to get a grip on themselves, they have no self control whatsoever.

But I end up giving in to the feel of his hands on my skin and his teasing lips and eager tongue. My hands slide up into his hair as I expel a long breath of air. I allow his hand to slide down my chest to the front of my jeans and pull until the button pops so that he taunt me with slow, slick swipes of fingertips against my pussy. My book falls to the floor, completely forgotten and soon I find myself laid out across the couch with Edward hovering over me.

"You're so God damned warm and soft, baby," he whispers as his eyes explore and his fingers caress.

I whimper and quiver beneath him while his fingers wiggle across my swollen clit and I feel a pool of heat emanate from within my sternum all the way down to where he touches me inside of my jeans. His tongue coaxes my mouth open and then curls and slides against my taste buds. Teeth nip and my bottom lip as fingers curl and slip inside of me only to curl and pull back out achingly slow. I wither and mew like a baby kitten below his heavy weight and I reach to grab his cock through his pants to feel him long and hard in the palm of my hand.

"Fuck," he groans into my shoulder while the arm he uses to keep his balance over me flexes with a tremor. "I want inside of you." He yanks his hand up and starts to push my pants down past my thighs.

Then his phone starts to ring.

He freezes. I feel every muscle in his body tense up and my fingers in his hair curl into fists. Our gazes remain locked and with my eyes I dare him to answer his phone. I watch his jaw tick and his brow crease into a frown, he's going to answer it.

"_Fuck_," I curse him and shove him off of my body. He opens his mouth to apologize and I shoot him a look that crushes that idea altogether.

My hands are shaky when I pull my jeans back up and button them. I hear his deep voice answer his phone in a low tone meant for me not to hear. It only serves to piss me off ten times over and I storm past the couch and into his room where I slam the door shut as hard as I can.

I'm so angry, I don't know what to do with myself. What should I do? He will not listen to me. He will not tell me what is going on. Do I leave him? Do I give him an ultimatum? Jasper's voice echoes through my mine loudly, "_Isn't that what you like? You like assholes who treat you like shit!_"

But Edward doesn't treat me like that. He loves me. I know he does. And I love him. Even when I'm so angry I want to claw his eyes out, I do. The moment I hear the creak of floorboards coming down the short hall, I jump to my feet and lock the bedroom door.

Pieces. I get pieces of him in fragments of confessions and delicate kisses. It's become a cycle with us. I get mad and he tells me a secret. We have sex and I forgive him. Where will it stop? When will he just tell me what's wrong without my having to fight for him to do it?

The doorknob jiggles but does not open. I hear him curse on the other side of the wall between us and back away to sit on the edge of his bed. I'm so tired. I want this day to be over. I want to forget that Jasper was a total douche bag at school and that Jessica is actually starting to be okay. I want to forget that my best friend is in a different state and that she's pregnant with Royce's baby. But most of all, I want to forget that Edward is obviously working for Aro and lying about it to my face.

"Bella, please open the fucking door." He sounds just as exhausted as I feel. "Don't make me break inside, baby. I'm not in the mood right now."

I move to the door and unlock the knob. It opens slowly and Edward stands there staring at me with sleepy eyes and rumpled clothes. I don't know what to do anymore. I'll never have the courage to even bluff my way through an ultimatum with him. I'm in this far too deep. I turn back to the bed and crawl under the covers. Dad's working a late shift tonight, I won't have to be home for a few hours. A nap sounds really good right now. With or without Edward in the bed, but I know he'll come over and spoon me. I want him to, hell who am I kidding? I _need _him to.

And he does. He slides in and his arms pull me to his chest snuggly. He kisses my cheek and whispers that he loves me. He says that he's sorry and I have so many questions. So many that I don't even know where to start. I know he knows, he may not be able to read my mind but he can read _me _pretty damn well.

"He wants me to work with him, Bella." He says after a long bout of silence. "Not _for _him, but _with _him."

I gulp and clench my eyes shut, hoping the fresh sting of tears will go away.

"I've been saying no, baby. I swear to you I would never agree to that without talking to you first…" his lips are at my ear and his hands press against my stomach and my chest. "I've been ignoring him since Christmas, but he has something I want—no, I _need _it."

I want to ask what it is, but I'm scared of what it might be. Drugs? What else could Aro possibly have that Edward wants? That he _needs?_ I twist around in his arms and place my hands on either side of his face, my thumbs caresses the stubble at his jaw.

"Tell me," I ask bravely.

His eyes close and he inhales a deep breath through his nose. I wait patiently, dying inside to know what the fuck it is he wants so badly. Praying that it's not something that will be the reason I have to leave him. I can only take so much. His jealously has no bounds, his possessive side no sense of moral, his temper no control and his trust in me faulty at best.

"Tell me, Edward," I beg him with a quivering lower lip.

When his eyes open, they hold so much emotion that I stop breathing. I think my heart stops beating, too. "He knows where my mom is, Bella."

-x-

_Can you lie next to her_

_And give her your heart, your heart_

_As well as your body_

_And can you lie next to her_

_And confess your love, your love_

_As well as your folly_

_And can you kneel before the king_

_And say I'm clean, I'm clean_

_But tell me now, where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart_

_But tell me now, where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons_. Epic song.

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. I've opened a new TSB Facebook Group (TSB Burnward Readers). Come and join!

**TK FIC REC:** Dusty by YellowBella (Oh my Damn. By far the best… ever)**.**

**Thank you for your patients, my beautiful readers!**


	31. These Imperfections

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would have been in France with Robsten

**Author shit at the bottom.**

**THANK YOU TeamBella23! **

**I would never have posted this without your input. ;)**

-x-

**The Slowest Burn**

_I will lose my mind, make it real this time_

_To leave it all behind_

_I won't cry wolf, Show me a sign_

_planets will align_

_I'm gonna blow my mind_

_I won't cry wolf_

**Ch. 31:** _These Imperfections_

**EPOV**

She's really fucking breathtaking when she sleeps. Her lashes are so damn long, and her cheeks so damn rosy, and her lips—Goddamn, her _lips_…

Without thinking I'm sliding a hand down the side of her face and leaning in to kiss those soft-ass lips of hers. I want her to wake up so we can fuck. I want to peel her clothes off and kiss every surface of her body. I need to memorize every fucking detail of her, so that whenever she's not with me I can close my eyes and imagine that she is. My hand grows greedy and slides down her face, admiring her curves. Her hips, her ass, her waist, her tits—fuck, those are my favorite. How fucking awesome is it that she has two of them? Seriously.

A soft moan escapes her mouth as I rub circles with my thumb over one of her nipples through her shirt—_my_ shirt. I love when she wears my clothes, when she smells like I do and tastes like I do. I love when she chews my cinnamon gum after burning trees with me and then shoves her tongue in my mouth. I love when she lights a blunt and blows the smoke away from our faces but saves the last bit to puff between my lips.

But mostly, I love that first look from her when she wakes up in my bed: makeup smeared under sleepy eyes and hair so wild she looks freshly fucked.

I don't think she gets how fucking addicting she is. Every damn inch of her—her scent, her touch, her taste… the very sight of her feels like the highest electric buzz. There is no equivalency drug-wise, it's just _her_. My very own brand of heroin.

And here she is, laid out on my bed in one of my shirts, vulnerable and completely at peace. I make her feel safe, and I fucking _love _that. I want to protect her, love her, be everything for her. If I could, I would give her the motherfucking world. All she has to do is ask. I'll do it. I'll give her whatever she wants, whenever and however she wants it.

She stirs beneath me; her hips rise from the mattress instinctively as I pull back. She's not even conscious and she craves my touch. Sometimes when she sleeps, I watch her like a fucking creeper. I don't care. I watch her chest rise and fall with every breath, and watch her lips purse and her lashes flutter if she's having some crazy-ass dream.

I pull down the collar of the shirt to expose her shoulder and press my lips to her sweet peach skin. I push the fabric up her stomach with my other hand and slink my fingers upward to palm her breasts one at a time. I tease and pull at her nipples until her breath picks up and her eyelids start to tremble as sleep eludes her achingly slow. I can feel her heartbeat and how warm and soft she is. I lean forward and kiss her mouth once, twice, and then trail my lips down her neck to her chest, and down her torso until I'm at her hips.

She's so fucking delicious. Her skin is pale but flawless. Nothing usually marks her skin, but my fingernails leave pink and white marks as I press and slide them down to her pussy. Her thighs snap together as soon as I touch her, capturing my hand. I chuckle, sitting up and pressing my palms into her knees, drawing them apart. Her mouth falls open with a gasp and I know she's seconds away from awareness. I kneel and hover inches away from her slick hot pussy and blow a slow, warm breath of air against it.

She wakes with a yip and a moan, and with sleepy eyes, she lifts her head and stares at me groggily. I lock gazes with her and lower my mouth between her legs. Her chest heaves and her hands claw at the bed sheets as my tongue slides out to lightly flick against her clit.

"_Edward!_" she whimpers, hoarse and scratchy. I fucking love it. I skim my nose over her and inhale. She moans and throws her head back against the pillows. Her toes curl with anticipation at my shoulders.

"Say you want it, baby. I'll give it to you," I whisper and kiss the inside of her thigh. "You want my mouth on you, Bella?" I run my teeth over her skin lightly and then nip at her when she takes too long to answer. "Tell me."

She whines and lifts her hips up from the bed. "Yes," she pants. "Please, Edward. I want your mouth and your tongue and… _unf!_" She presses the heels of her hands into her eyes and arches her back. "_Please_," she begs.

Fuck, she's so wet now. I can smell her arousal and it goes straight to my dick. I use my fingers to push her apart and then glide my tongue from bottom to top and suck on her clit. She loves that shit. She yells out my name and I grind my hips into the mattress.

She's so sweet and so wet and so, so good. When she wiggles, I tease her with my tongue. When she gasps, I suck and pull back to blow hot air over her glistening clit. Then my hands are sliding up her thighs, over her soft flesh, and up to her tits. I bunch them between my fingers and go down on her again.

Bella's hands go to the top of my head—she wants to grab hold of something and unfortunately my dumb ass buzzed that shit off. I know she's close to coming, I can feel it in the way her stomach muscles tighten and her legs lock around my shoulders. My hands go to her ass to lift and bring her closer to my mouth—I plan to ride out this wave with her, licking and sucking and swallowing every bit of her orgasm.

"Edward…" she whimpers.

"Come on, baby," I egg her on breathlessly. "Give it to me, Bella."

I want it. I want her. I want every part of her. I want it surrendered over to me.

She cries out my name and a bunch of other shit that sounds like garbled curse words. I love how she trembles in my hands, how vulnerable and trustworthy she is when she comes apart. It's the ultimate submission, and it's mine. _She _is all mine.

Her chest lifts up and down with ragged breathes, her rosebud nipples piercing the air, begging for my mouth to cover and pull and tease. I move up her body and kiss her lips first—she tastes herself on me and it spurs her on again. She's such a greedy little thing in the bedroom. I fucking love it.

"Make love to me, Edward." Her eyes are full of lust and passion, but there is also a different openness in them today.

Truthfully, it kind of scares the shit out of me. Why is she looking at me like that? Like she's savoring the last few moments of a goodbye.

"What's wrong, baby?" I ask, my eyes searching hers closely for clues as to why she's suddenly gotten weird on me.

Her nose grazes mine and her hands slide up my back with her nails digging into my skin. "Nothing, I just want you… everywhere." Her hips rise up from the bed to rub her wet pussy against my dick.

"_Fuck_," I hiss as I feel her slick back and forth over my cock, coating me with her wetness. My forehead hits her shoulder as I force my dick to control himself. My baby wants it slow, I'll give her slow. I'll give her whatever the fuck she wants.

I grunt into her shoulder. "Baby, you keep doing that and I can't promise you'll come again before I do."

Then she fucking does it again and it makes my mouth latch onto her skin and my teeth clamp down until she's gasping. My tongue laps over the imprint I leave on her skin and I know it'll leave a mark, she knows it'll leave a mark. I think that's why I do it, so that when I'm not there all those fuckers at her school know that she's mine.

"On your back," she pants as her little hands press to my shoulders and push. "I want on top." Her words are like a cool breeze over my heated flesh.

I roll and bring her with me. "It's all you, Bella," I say to her with my hands at her hips and my dick settled between her pussy lips. Fuck, what is she doing to me?

I love that instant when we come together—when our breath catches right before my cock fills her and then we're both exhaling and every single cell in our bodies feels electric. I shiver and she trembles and cries with a soft _"Oh, fuck yes" _escaping her mouth.

"Ah, fuck yeah, baby. That's all me," I tell her, staring into her glossy eyes. My hands cup her face and pull her lips to mine. "You feel so fucking amazing. Ride my cock, baby."

She's so damn sexy above me. I push up the bed, so that her tits are in my face, and take those pert nipples in my mouth. Her hands are up in her hair and her breath puffs past her lips in quick succession while her hips roll over mine and her tight cunt pulses like a throat contracting around my cock.

"Edward," she moans my name deliciously. Her arms curl around my neck, pulling my face closer to her chest. "Fuck," she cries just before she starts to pick up the pace and bounce in my lap.

My hands clench at her sides. She feels so good, and she's so incredibly sexy that I can barely hold my load back. Her hairline is slick with sweat, her body perspires over mine, and her scent mixed with our sex is the most intoxicating fucking smell ever. It drives me to the point of insanity. Baby's moaning and whimpering, and our skin is slapping and rubbing, and—_fuck! _I'm gonna come. I start to thrust up into her while my hands help pull her up and down my cock at just the right pace.

The pressure that's been building since she straddled me gathers together and it's like teetering at the top of a rollercoaster—muscles tight, body rigid, skin tingling full of excitement, accelerated heartbeat—and then I'm in freefall. My stomach flutters and I'm biting her shoulder to keep from coming before she does. It makes her yelp and then her hips slam into mine hard, harder… hardest.

With a throaty growl and greedy hands, I come—emptying myself into her in thick, sporadic spurts. Fuck, it's like there's nothing but her. My Bella. Nothing is better, nothing else matters. Her breath hitches, and when she comes she's crazy and shaky and clutches to me as if she can't breathe or function without me holding onto her. Her chest pounds with a frantic heartbeat against my own, she whispers, "I love you, I love you, I love you…" as her lips press over my face like butterfly wings and she rides out each wave of pleasure that consumes both of us.

And, yes, I say it back just as many times. I kiss her lips with an open mouth, I pull the bottom one out with my teeth and bite until she whimpers painfully—but it just makes me bite harder. I taste copper, not much, but enough to know I broke the skin. Enough to know her lip will swell and when she licks her tongue over it later on today she'll think of me.

"That hurt, you fuckhead." She scowls into my face, her eyes narrowed and fingers pressed to her mouth.

I smirk and slide my thumb over the bite. "You love it," I tease her.

"I love _you_," she answers in all seriousness and leans over to nuzzle my chin and trail her lips up my jaw to just below my ear.

Then I feel a sharp sting and laugh loudly as she bites and sucks my skin until I know it'll turn the colors of the sky before nightfall.

"You love it," she purrs and runs her tongue over her teeth marks.

I want her all over again.

I grab her sides and flip her onto her back with me hovering over her. "I love _you_," I say as I ready her pussy with my fingers for round two.

-x-

I have so much shit to do today that I don't know where to start. So I start easy: I call up Roy and ask if he wants to roll with me. I expect him to say that he can't because he can't find a sitter, but I'm wrong. He says to meet him at First Beach in twenty minutes with my best stuff rolled into a cherry swisher. I call him a girl for asking for a flavored cigar wrap and then chuckle to myself because I have a bunch of strawberry ones in my drawer for Bella anyway.

When I grab my weed jar, I notice that my supply is running low. I'll have to make a call later to Jenks, that bald-headed fuck. His hands are greedier than the depth of his pockets. He's not the only weed farmer in La Push, and it's time he realizes that.

But damn does he grow some good shit. The lack of seeds, visible crystals, and fine red and orange hairs embedded within the bright green buds are always a good sign. I bring one up to my nose and inhale deeply. It's potent—like a skunk that has rolled around in pinecones—sticky sweet. I start to break apart some of it on a towel over my bed.

It's too fucking quiet in this room. It makes me miss Bella; I hate how much I miss that girl when she's not here. I just saw her an hour ago, and she texted me not ten minutes before with my three favorite words. Yeah, it makes me a pussy, but not if I never tell anyone but my girl.

My fingertips are sticky from the weed and of course my phone starts to ring. I hit _answer_ and use my pinky to set the phone to speaker.

"Yeah?" I mutter as a greeting.

"So are we just never going to talk again?" Alice's snippy tone makes my jaw clench.

"I dunno," I snort. "Are you going to continue to be a bitch?"

"Fuck you, Edward!" she shrieks. "Don't talk to me like that!"

She's so dramatic.

"What do you want?" I grab a swisher and pull the plastic wrapping off with my teeth before grabbing my knife to gut it.

"Why are you ignoring me?" She huffs.

I hate when she gets like this. "Seriously?"

"Yes." Her answer is quick, too quick to be truth, so I know she's playing games with me. "Fucking aye, Edward! If this is about Bell—"

I drop what's in my hands and snatch up my phone. "Don't even speak her name to me," I growl. "When it comes to Bella you keep your Goddamned mouth shut or you keep away from me. Do you understand me? Or do you need a crash course in polite conversation?"

Her silence lets me know I've hit a nerve. Good. I'm so sick of her shit. She's actually doing me a favor right now. It keeps me from having to go to her place for this nice little chat we're having.

Then she sniffles.

"Not gonna work this time, little girl." I roll my eyes and drop my phone to the bed to hit the speaker once again. I start to roll up my blunt as fat as I can while she continues to snivel and cry.

"I can't believe—"

"Nah," I cut her off, "don't play the friendship card because you blew that on Christmas. I know you got a lot of shit going on because of your… you know."

"Because I'm crazy," she snaps out defensively. "Go ahead, say it. Say I'm fucking crazy."

Here we go again. I drop what I'm doing and grab my phone to press it to my ear. "Don't put words in my mouth, Alice."

"I don't have to. You didn't deny it, so it must be true. And you know what? It's fine. I don't need you anymore." She's saying this shit to get to me, I know it. "I have Jasper now, and he's ten times—"

It worked.

"Oh, you have _Jasper_ now, huh?" I chuckle sarcastically. "Does _Jasper _know about your episodes? Is he going to be willing to drop everything and rush over to you in order to make sure you don't hurt yourself? Will he be there to convince you that cutting off all your hair on a whim is a good idea? Or snatch the sleeping pills from your hands and flush them when your mind won't shut the fuck up and let you sleep?"

"Well, it's not like you're there for me anymore!" Alice screams. "Twice I've needed you and you _left _me for _her!_" She's sobbing now—and I feel like a fucking asshole.

I've been putting up with her shit because I know things about her that no one else does. Like that she's bi-polar and the real reason she lives with her sister is because her dad was a sick fucking man. I wish to God he still lived in La Push because I'd love nothing more than to beat his face in like a punching bag. But he's gone, and so is her mother, and I say she's better off without either one of them.

Now I feel like shit because I'm not there for her anymore. But fuck, she's different. She's not the Alice I grew up with, and I'm not the Edward she grew up with. It's all kinds of fucked up how much we've both changed since being kids.

We went from helping each other get through sleepless nights to yelling and fighting with each other. She blames it on Bella, but she's fucking crazy if she thinks our problems started when Bella came into the picture. Bella's _always _been in the picture, and she fucking _knows _it.

"I can't be there for you all the time anymore, Alice." I can feel my temper rising because I swear to God we've had this argument more times than I can count. "I missed dinner with her _father _for you, remember that? Fuck, Alice. What do you want from me?" I shout so heatedly that I fucking spit on myself. "I'm never going to love you like you want me to. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I'm in love with Bella. It's always been her, and it's always gonna _be _her."

Silence.

"Alice?" I clear my throat and step off my bed with the intention of going to her front door. "Say something or I'm coming over."

"I guess, I just…" She pauses. "I mean, I knew you..."

I knew I should have squashed this shit last year when she begged me to take her to Junior Prom. I don't know what the fuck she thought going to the motherfucking prom together would have meant, because to me it was one friend doing another friend a damn favor, but she got really fucking clingy after that night.

Which is all kinds of twisted because, aside from the actual dance, I spent the entire night getting high as fuck with Roy and hooking up with some other chick I can't even be bothered to remember. I woke up the next morning spread-eagled out on Jake's lawn in my fucking underwear, and I have no I idea how that even happened. There is a whole lot of shit I don't remember from my sophomore and junior years. I should be ashamed, but I'm not—unless it comes to Bella finding out.

In that case, I want to erase the last five years of my life and do shit differently.

"Talk to me, girl." I sigh. "You'll always be important to me, you know that, but shit's different now. You'll understand when you find a guy who—"

"I already have and it doesn't mean shit!" Her words make me cringe. "I just don't get it." She laughs, but we both know it's not because she thinks this is funny. "I have known you longer than her. I have been there for you whenever you needed. She doesn't even _remember _you, Edward! How the hell could she not remember you? I couldn't forget you if I tried, and every time I see _her_ with you—" her breath catches in a sob, "—it's like I'm being stabbed in the chest, and it makes me so mad. So mad that I do stupid shit. So much stupid shit. I'm so sorry, Edward."

I smash my face into my hand. "Why are you sorry?" I ask in as calm of a voice as I can manage.

"Because I did something really stupid the other day," she whispers.

My blood freezes inside of my veins. "What did you do?" Every second she hesitates makes my body tense up tighter and my teeth grind harder. "Tell me. _Now_."

"I told Jasper that you treat Bella really bad, and that she should break up with you." Her voice is high-pitched and shaky. "I said it so he would try to break the two of you up. I know he still has feelings for her. I don't know what I was thinking because after I said it… I wish I hadn't. I really do. I'm so sorry."

Her tears are for real this time. I know she regrets what she did based solely on the fact that I know her so well as a person—her quirks and fucked up ways of thinking. If this came from anyone else, I'd be breaking down their door and beating them bloody. But it's not just anyone who's fucking with my life. It's Alice. Fucking _Alice!_

"I-I was really upset, and I hadn't taken my meds, and I just don't understand what fuck it is she has that I don't! Both of you act like she walks on fucking water and—"

"Stop." Her excuses mean dick to me at this point.

"Edward," she starts up again with the sniveling, "I really am sorry."

"I know you are," I respond back at her forcefully. "But I'm really fucking pissed at you right now, and I can't talk anymore. What you did was fucked. It won't work, but it's fucked regardless, and at this point, I really don't give a shit how you feel right now."

I clench a fist and bang it onto my dresser. I want to slam it into the wall. I really fucking do.

She starts fumbling for words to defend her actions. "But I said I was so—"

"I don't give a fuck what you said, Alice!" I roar, completely losing my fucking mind. "I got so much shit going on right now, and I don't need this! I really don't fucking need this from you, do you understand?"

She's sobbing so hard she can't even respond.

"You knew, Alice. You've always known how I felt about her and…" I rake my fingers over my head shakily. "It's like you don't even fucking care about how _I _feel. Fuck, Alice. Have you ever?" I blink down at the floor with sudden realization. "Seriously, kid," I scoff, "when was the last time you were there for _me?_ I drop _everything _for you and when it comes time for me to need you, you're not even there. You don't even know what the fuck is going on in _my _life right now. But no, it's all about _you_, isn't it?"

She can barely speak as she chokes out; "That's not true. I'm always there. I'm the only one who's never left you! Why are you doing this to me?"

I shake my head in disbelief. "You need to find someone else to dump your shit on. Taking care of you is a fucking full-time job, and I am not your father or your fucking boyfriend! I'm not doing this shit anymore! I'm so sick of it, all of it!" I shout loudly into the phone. "You know what? The next time you pick up your phone with me in mind? Call Jasper."

I hang up.

-x-

It's always gloomy in La Push—it's like the sun is too chicken shit to show its face around here. It's cold and mostly quiet, but the sound of the ocean from my perch in the sand is loud and unyielding. It crashes viciously against the shore as the tides wash in one after another. It's a trip. Especially since I just smoked a fat blunt and I'm high as fuck right now.

I wish Bella was here, curled into me like a warm and soft little kitten. She does that a lot—curl into a little ball in my lap. Sometimes, I swear to God, I hear her purr. She's so fucking cute and sexy and beautiful, and I don't know what the fuck she's doing being with _me._ I'm not a fucking idiot, I know she's too good, so I'll just hold on for however long that I can and hope she never realizes it.

"_Fuck_," Royce groans from a few feet away, slouched against a large piece of driftwood with an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips.

I raise my chin and wait for him to explain what he's cursing about. He just shakes his head and slips his phone into his back pocket. This is how it is between us now. Silent and empty. I hate it, and I know he hates it, but neither of us is willing to say it out loud.

He has his shit to deal with, and I have mine. I can't tell him about Alice because he hates her and he'll just end up saying shit that'll piss me off. I can't talk to him about Aro because that means I'll have to tell him who he really is to me—and I will never do that. _Ever_. He won't open up about Rosalie, and he changes the subject if I ask about his money situation, if he's going to start coming to class before they kick him out, or his mom.

So that leaves us with the only available topics of conversation we're both willing to talk about: Bella, and the kids.

"You ever wonder about shit that don't make no sense?" he drawls gruffly on my left.

I roll my head and glance at him as he lights his cigarette. "All the fucking time," I say, snorting.

He snickers. "Sometimes I think about different dimensions and alternate realities. What if there's another me out there somewhere, living a whole other life? And, like, he's fucking loaded."

Absently, my hands pat all my pockets in search of my sunglasses. The sun has finally grown a pair and is starting to peek out from behind the clouds. Now it's bright as fuck. "Don't think about shit like that, Roy. It's useless, and it'll just make you all mopey." I finally find my Ray-Bans inside of my leather jacket and slide them over my squinted eyes. Much better.

"Yeah, you're right." He nods his head and pulls from his smoke while staring out at the ocean. "Plus, if I was there, who would be here to take care of the kids?" His shrug is nonchalant and resigned. It's really fucking depressing.

I check my phone for messages and reread the last ones sent between me and my girl.

_Cheer practice 'til six and then I'm making dinner for Dad. Wanna join? –B _

**Yes. Tell ur dad his team's going down. –E **

_Psh. No way. I don't have a death wish. Miss you. –B_

**I miss u 2 baby. –E **

I pocket my phone before I feel compelled to text her just to say some pussy shit, like I love her, and I miss her, and I can't stop thinking about her. Or maybe I'll just text her dirty shit, like how I want to rub my chin between her—

"I saw Gianna earlier today." Royce's statement makes my blood run cold. He looks over at me when I don't respond right away. "She's pregnant—out to here." He uses his arms to form a large belly where his stomach is. "Had to drop out of U-Dub, she said. Which blows because she was about to graduate, she said."

I gulp and avert my gaze back to the water. Gianna is a part of my life I never want to revisit, not even in memory. Thinking of her reminds me of all the stupid and shameful things I've done in my past. Royce knows this, so why the fuck is he bringing this shit up? Who the fuck cares if she's back from college?

"She asked about you." His eyes are watchful through their glossy haze. We smoke so much that I wonder if we can even get super fucked up anymore. We're like functioning alcoholics. I could operate heavy machinery right now—like my cock. I smirk to myself and then remember that Royce was talking about Gianna.

I shrug and sit up from the sand. "So?"

"So you better be careful to keep Bella away from that crazy bitch." He huffs irritably, like it's my fucking fault that she's back. "Gianna is a surefire way to send Bella packing, bro. I'm just saying."

I rub my face with both hands and slide my fingers under my glasses to cover my eyes. "She doesn't know where I live. I'm cool."

"And if she asks Alice?" He's really starting to piss me off right now.

I drop my hands and glare at him. "Alice won't say shit, and if she does, then, I'll fucking deal with it then, all right? Seriously, Royce, what the fuck?"

He smashes his cigarette into the sand and licks his lips. "When was the last time you two—"

"That's not my fucking baby in there!" I shout at him. "Unlike you, I always made sure I wrapped my shit!"

"Well I hope fucking so, because she's going around saying that it's _your _baby she's carrying!" he snaps back at me, and my stomach drops.

That crazy fucking bitch. Now I'm counting back in my head to the last time we fucked. It was a month before that party with Bella, and after that I told her to get lost—forever. Gianna is five years older than I am and it's because of her that I know how to make Bella come hard, easy, and fast. She's the reason I know exactly where to kiss, lick, and tease Bella in order to make her shake and whine and come apart. I learned so much shit from Gianna that I could write a fucking bestselling book.

But that didn't mean she wasn't one crazy-ass broad.

"Fuck," I whisper to myself. "I-I don't know. I mean… like a month before that night with Bella?" I finally look up into the eyes of my oldest friend. "How far along is she?"

Royce's hard stare is cold as ice—it's like looking into two ice cubes. His jaw tenses up, much like I know mine is probably doing right now.

"I'm not sure. But she said she was due, like, any day now. Go back nine months." He pulls out his phone just as I do and we both open up our calendar app.

We're in February right now. The ninth, okay, now go back nine months… June. Oh, fuck.

"No." I start shaking my head. "No fucking way. I never went bareback, I swear to God!"

I jump up to my feet and start toward my car with Royce right behind me.

"Calm down, Cullen. You're not the only fucker she was screwing, okay? Chill the fuck out for a minute and let's think about this first."

He digs his fingers through his hair and damn if I don't want to do the same. Why the hell did I let him buzz my fucking head?

My heart is pounding in my chest and my lungs can't get enough air. Why the fuck is this happening to me? I was always so fucking loud about always using a condom. I made her fucking get tested when I found out she was fucking Demetri behind my back. Not that we were monogamous, but fuck. I wasn't screwing around as much as she was. It was her and Makenna's friend—no, no, wait, that's not true. There were others, but those were hook-ups. Those were drug-induced and sloppy and not worth mentioning. Those were clouded rooms and fumbling hands and quick breaths that smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. Those were loud music, bright lights, dilated pupils, tingly skin, and high adrenaline. Those were…

Oh fuck… Bella. She can never find out. She'll never fucking get over this. She'll ask questions and I'll have to tell her; no way will I be able to skirt around it this time. It's bad enough that I used to swallow E and snort cocaine up my nose until my nostrils bled. She doesn't need to know about that shit, she doesn't. It's over. It's done. That part of my life is so far in my past that I like to pretend it never fucking happened.

"We'll figure something out, Edward." Royce's hand is on my shoulder. He called me Edward. He never fucking calls me that. No one does but four chosen people: Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and Bella. What does this mean?

"I can't lose her, Roy." I set my arms on the roof of my car and bury my face into them. "I can't…" If this is the final straw that makes Bella finally leave, I don't know what the fuck I'll do.

Goddamn, I thought I had all my shit in order. Deal with Alice, talk with Royce, and then face Aro. That was what I had planned for today. Alice is the very least of my worries at this point. I know I'm cool with Roy. I'll always be cool with him because he's like my fucking brother, and I'll always have his back just like he'll always have mine. Aro isn't much of a problem; I know my limits and which buttons not to push. I've known him my entire life, yet it's like he's an outsider from my life. Purposely put there when he didn't offer to take me in when my shithead father left.

He didn't want anyone to ask questions and stick their noses in his business. He didn't have the lifestyle to keep a child around, he said. I wasn't a fucking child. I don't think I've ever been a fucking child a day in my life. He left me for the State to deal with, and for that I will never forgive him. I never asked him for a single fucking thing—not once. Then, the _one _time that I ever did, he said no.

So my answer to him today was going to be _no_. I'll find my mother my own way. Carlisle will help me, if I ask. He'll always help me if I ask. He'd never turn me away or ask me for a favor in return. Which sucks because right now we're not even talking. He went through my shit—I can't believe he did that—he's never done shit like that before. But he said he was looking for my emancipation papers, which is bullshit because he has a copy. Why the fuck was he in my apartment that day?

But none of this shit matters to me right now. Not Alice. Not Aro. Not Carlisle or Royce. All that I can think about right now is what I'm going to tell Bella, because not telling her is the worst motherfucking thing I could do. I keep so much shit from her already, but I always end up telling her somehow. My baby, she's my _baby_. My girl, my heart, the fucking love of my pathetic life.

My stomach rumbles, it gurgles like there's lava in my belly. Before I can react, I'm spinning around and expelling every last ounce of bile and acid from my stomach onto the dirty ground. Royce backs away and gives me a few minutes to get my shit together. He holds his hand up for my keys and opens the driver's side of my car before slipping in behind the wheel. No one drives my fucking car but me, and I want to tell him this. I glare at him as I stand outside the passenger side door with my hands in fists at my sides and my teeth clenched so tight my jaw hurts.

"Fuck you," he says, rolling his eyes, "and get in the car."

-x-

I think I'm sick. Like seriously, fucking sick.

I don't know what I ate, but I can't stop throwing up every time I put something in my mouth. Roy called Carlisle and he's been in and out of my apartment ever since. Esme sits on my couch with my feet in her lap and the remote in her hand. I'm wrapped up in a blanket and I feel like a fucking burrito baby.

My phone beeps and I see another text message from Bella. She wants to come over, she wants to take care of me, but I can't stomach the idea of her being in the same room as me right now. I take a deep breath and press a hand to my mouth as a wave of nausea washes over me.

"Are you going to be sick again?" Esme quickly jumps up to grab the small bathroom trash bucket and holds it up to me.

I shake my head and lie back down onto my pillow. My eyes stare up at the ceiling. I hate that Esme is here when she could be somewhere else. I don't usually like to be around people when I'm sick. I get mean and irritable, and I lash out for no reason. But today is different, and when she sat her ass down on my couch and pulled my feet into her lap after grabbing a blanket from the hall closet and swaddling me like an infant, I let her. I think I shocked the shit out of her. I think I shocked the shit out of myself even.

I don't know where Alice is and I don't care. Royce had to go back home to be with the kids, but he said he'll find some shit out and to chill the fuck out until he gets back to me. I decide to talk to Aro tomorrow. I'll deal with everything in the morning. Right now I just wanna watch TV and pretend that I'm a kid and Esme is my mom and all is okay in the fucking world.

Bile lurches up my throat and I roll to my side and grab the bucket.

Everything is _not _okay.

-x-

There is whispering in my dreams. I can't see shit, but I can hear soft voices and cool hands on my face. I know that smell—it's my mother's. Baby powder and marigold, fingernails against my scalp, a thumb across my mouth, lips at my cheek.

"_It's going to be okay, Edward_," she says in my ear.

But that's not her voice, it's Bella's. I don't smell flowers and baby powder anymore. Now it's vanilla and musk and strawberries.

When my eyes open, I feel like I wake up with a jolt back to reality. I'm not sitting in the greenest fucking meadow I've ever seen and watching Bella stick purple flowers in her mermaid-like hair anymore. I don't have my hand resting on her bare ass, and when I look to where it is, I see that it's on Bella's bare knee. I'm in my bed. With Bella. Bella's in my room, on my bed, in my clothes, and I wonder if I traveled back in time twenty-four hours because this is exactly how I remember waking up this morning. Only I woke her up like this, my hands on her body and breath at her ear.

"You're awake." She smiles, and God does it hurt inside my chest when she does. "How are you feeling?" Her hands pull me down to rest my head beneath her chin and I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face between her tits.

She giggles when I do this. "I see you're feeling much better."

I nod my head; my nose grazes the peak on her left breast. "When did you get here? What time is it?" I look around my room and see that it's lit up with light. The sun is out and my window blinds are pulled up, brightening up the place.

"It's…" She pauses to lean over and grab her phone on the nightstand. "Almost ten."

I'm surprised. "I slept for, like, twelve hours, then. Damn."

Her fingers graze the top of my incoming hair, and then she nuzzles her face in it. She says she hates that I buzzed my hair off, but she's always all over my head, rubbing it.

"When did you…?" I let the sentence run off. My mouth tastes like absolute shit and I'm betting it smells even worse. But I don't want to get up.

"Around six this morning," she explains. "I waited for Dad to leave for work, then I drove over here. I have specific orders from Royce to keep you in bed all day." She kisses my forehead. "Poor baby, Esme said it wasn't a pretty sight. I'm surprised you let her stay with you for so long, and I know she is, too."

I shrug. "Too sick to care, I guess."

"What did you eat? We had the same thing for breakfast, didn't we?" she asks while she rubs my back with her hands. Goddamn does it feel good.

I try to remember what the fuck we had for breakfast yesterday. We stayed in… no, we went to McDonald's. I got us one of those breakfast menu things. Except she didn't end up eating her McMuffin and instead chowed down on my damn hash browns before I got a bite of it. Must have been that. My stomach revolts at the very idea and I have to tell it to calm the fuck down.

"You didn't eat your McMuffin, I ate it for you," I remind her, closing my eyes to breathe her in. "You smell so good." I rub my nose along her throat.

She giggles again. "I haven't even showered yet. I'm so gross."

"You're perfect," I whisper to her.

-x-

"It's not yours."

Holy fuck, I think those are my three favorite words. Second best to Bella's 'I love you,' of course.

"Talk to me," I say to Royce in the parking lot at school. I wonder for a moment if he only came today to pass this information along or if he's really back at school.

"I asked her." He shrugs. "She said it's not yours."

I glare at him.

He chuckles. "All right. So I guess word got back to Alice and she went ballistic. Tracked the bitch down and had some words. I don't know what was said, but Gianna admitted that it was just to get your attention. It's Demetri's kid, and once he's out of prison they're going to get married or some shit. I don't know, I stopped listening after she said it wasn't yours."

I slump against my car. "Fuck."

"I know." He sets his arm at the top of my car and leans against it. "Thank God, right? I mean, only one of us can be a baby daddy and I already took that spot. You're supposed to be the reformed one in this friendship, Cullen." His usual smirk is back, and he called me Cullen.

Everything is back to the way it was before. Right? I think about this as my eyes roam across the parking lot.

"She's not here today." Roy's sudden admission startles me out of my thoughts.

"Who?" I scowl my irritation at him.

"Alice." His brow arches in a way that makes me feel like I'm the punch line for a joke.

I want to smack that fucking smug-ass smirk from his face, but I'm so damn relieved right now that I let it slide. I don't even smack him upside the head, or shove him, or trip him on our way to class. I don't ask how he knows Alice isn't here. I don't care. All I have to do is be there for my boy Royce, and handle my shit with Aro.

Then it's smooth sailing until graduation. Then I can worry myself dead because that'll be when Bella leaves and I'll stay here.

Fuck. I can't think about that shit right now.

I can't think about that shit _ever_.

-x-

Word of Gianna's return spreads faster than wildfire through school. I don't give a fuck because they know better than to ask me about her. In fact, everyone knows better than to approach me–_period_. So shit will continue on as if I had no part in it, and chicks will gossip about her because she's still the hottest piece of ass to come out of La Push High. They'll badmouth her and call her a slut behind her back, then turn around and buy her baby clothes and smile in her face. That's how the chicks work around here. I guess that's how they work everywhere.

Even where Bella goes, although I must say that despite their lack of violence in Forks, they are still just as lethal. I'll never understand that about females. They worry about stupid shit and fight over things that make so sense whatsoever. And when they're in a group they are pretty much unstoppable, not to mention the most annoying thing on the planet. They change.

I don't get it. I act the same no matter what. Okay, I might act a little softer when it's just me and Bella, but besides that I'm just me. Roy is Roy; Jake is Jake. Speaking of, I haven't seen him around for a good long minute. If he's not at football practice, he's working at his uncle's body shop, and if he's not working, he's with Makenna.

I should be walking to third period right now, but instead I make a detour and head straight for Jake's next class—auto shop. I don't have that class until fifth with Roy, but Jake had to get an earlier class because of his football commitments. Auto is an easy A for all three of us and gives us the opportunity to pimp out our cars for free. That's what happens when the teacher sleeps through class and leaves his students to their own devices.

"Cullen!" Jake shouts from somewhere behind me. "What are you doing over here? You're gonna get detention if Mr. Berty sees you, stupid ass." He clamps his hand with mine and we bump shoulders.

"Fuck him." I roll my eyes when we pull back. "He's still pissed about shit that happened two years ago."

Jake snorts and looks at me as if I'm crazy. "You banged his daughter in the back of _his _car in the _school_ parking lot."

"Fuck no, I didn't." I grimace in disgust. "She blew me, that was it." I feel the need to straighten out the rumor.

He shakes his head. "I'm so glad those days are over."

"Me, too," I mutter. He has no fucking idea how much. We both walk into the wide and open-spaced garage just as the final bell for class rings.

"You're so fucked if he does his rounds today." Jake stops me with a hand on my shoulder. "You should stay off his radar, Cullen. At least until after graduation."

"Jake," I groan and lift my shoulder for him to get off of me. "Don't give me your do-gooder speech right now, all right? I just wanted to come by and say what's up."

The way his face falls makes me feel like I've said something wrong. What the fuck? Why do I always feel like I'm a disappointment whenever I'm with Jake—hell, with Bella, too. It's like no matter what I do or what I say, I'm fucking up.

"I'm good, bro." He nods his head and moves further into class with me following behind him. "Sent in a shitload of college apps this weekend with Mak."

For some reason when he says this, I feel like my heart skips a few beats, and I feel something inside of me fill with dread. If Jake's already sending in college apps, that means Bella is, too. We haven't talked about this shit, and I was hoping we wouldn't have to for a few more months. _Shit!_

"So, you two planning to go to the same colleges?" I ask in as calm a tone as I can manage. I have to lean against one of the junk cars in the shop in order to keep myself upright.

Jake isn't fooled by my casual tone. He never is. Roy isn't either, but he always lets it go—Jake doesn't. "You're worried about which schools Bella's applied to, aren't you?" It's more a statement than it is a question.

I clear my throat and shrug my shoulders with my eyes cast down at my sneakers. "Psh, nah. Not really." When I lift my gaze I know I've fucked up—_again_. "Whatever." I jump up and shake my head. "This isn't about me, it's about _you_. Where'd you apply?"

"Pretty much everywhere." He laughs softly. "I'm gunning for Alabama or LSU, truthfully, but Mak wants to stay on the West Coast, though, so I don't know. I applied to Oregon and Stanford, although I only did Stanford for Mak. No fucking way am I getting into that school. My dad's been saving for college since I was two, and I think I have a pretty good shot at a football scholarship based on my record stats." He sighs. "I'm really feeling the fucking pressure right now. My dad, man… he's so proud of me, and what if I don't get into any of the places I applied to? I got so much riding on this football angle because my grades are average at best."

I watch him slide down into an old La-Z-Boy chair and take a deep breath.

"You know what my dad said to me the other day?" He looks up to see me shake my head. "He said I'll be the first one in our family to go off to college." He snorts at this.

Hearing him say this shit starts to piss me off. Not because I feel bad that he's got so much pressure about getting into college. I _know _he's gonna get into one of those fucking schools he applied to. I'm pissed because I'm suddenly so fucking jealous it's sickening.

Why couldn't _I _have been born with a dad who gave a shit about me enough to start a college fund for me when I was two? Why did I have to fuck up and get caught smoking weed behind the school and get kicked off the football team my freshman year? Why can't I get into a college? My grades don't suck, they're average and I don't even fucking try. What would they have been if I just fucking _applied _myself?

But it's bullshit. All of it. I'll never leave La Push because I'll never have the money to pay for college anyhow. I have money saved, but it's all dirty, and it's not enough. My criminal background—all cleared, but still present on my record—would lessen my chances at getting past the application process, anyway. I got so much shit against me, and it's all my own fault. Fuck this shit. Fuck college, and fuck the future. People like me don't have that option.

People like me are born in La Push and _stay _in La Push.

Only some are lucky enough to get out. _Jake_ is lucky enough to get out. The one in a billion chance I had just went to him. I'm bitter about it, yeah, but fuck, he's my best friend, and he worked for it. He deserves it. He's actually someone who Bella should be with. I don't like knowing that.

"So you're gonna go to college based on what Mak wants?" I end up saying out loud. It comes out before I process what I've just said. But whatever, it needed to be said. Jake should go where he wants to go. He's entitled to it because he earned it.

Jake frowns. "I, uh… Wow. I didn't think of it like that. I mean, she applied to East Coast colleges, too, but…" He shrugs. "I dunno, we'll deal with that shit when acceptance letters come."

I feel the blood drain from my face. "And, uh, when do…" I turn my head to crack my neck, which has begun to tighten up painfully. "When do those get mailed out?"

"Around April, I think?" he answers while staring at me closely. "Sometimes the end of March."

It's February. I gulp. Shit's crept up on me way too fucking soon. I'm not ready to let Bella go—fuck, I don't think I'll _ever _be able to do that. She'll leave for college and she'll email me and call and shit, until it grows less and far between, and then I'm just the fucker she dated in high school.

My head feels lighter. "Well, uh…" I rub the back of my head and take a few steps backward. "I hope you guys work that shit out. You'll get in, Jay." I assure him with a nod. "You're made for shit like that. Mak, too. So, uh, look." I glance down at my phone. "I'm gonna head to class. Better late than never, right?" I fake a laugh.

"Cullen, wait." Jake rises to his feet, but I shake my head and he snaps his mouth shut. He knows I'm shutting him out; little by little the gap between us grows wider until I lift a hand in goodbye and leave the classroom.

I really fucking need to get high right now. I grab my phone and send out a text to Roy. I should leave him the fuck alone—he needs to stay in class—but he's just like me, so I can bet everything in my wallet that he's not even in class right now.

**Wna blow some trees w/me? –C**

_Fuck yes. Where u at? –R _

**Back of school by auto. Meet u in back of fball field. –C **

_K. –R _

-x-

_Shit_.

"Seriously, Edward, what the fuck were you thinking?" Carlisle snaps at me while Roy and I sit lazily in two vacant desk chairs in detention. "And you." He points at Royce. "You know better, Roy. Jesus, what happened to getting your shit together? I got you an interview at a well-known supermarket and if this gets put on your record they will drug test you and you will fail. Do you understand what I'm telling you? Or are you too fucking high to comprehend me right now?"

_Fuuuck._ He's pissed.

I really wish I wasn't so fucking high right now so I could pay attention to whatever the fuck it is he's saying. I feel like that episode of _That 70's Show_ when the parents were talking and their heads were floating and the walls were moving. It's really fucking like that. At least, it is after a prescription-laced trippy stick.

Fingers snap in front of my face. I can't even flinch; I think I'm cross-eyed. Fuck, that's funny. I start to laugh, then Royce starts to laugh, and then we're both rolling.

"Hey!" Carlisle shouts so loud that it makes me cringe and cover my ears. Royce does the same with a scowl. "If you two do not calm the fuck down by the time Mr. Berty gets here your asses are expelled."

That sure as hell gets our attention.

"Mr. Berty?" I gulp. "Where's Ms. Harrington?"

"Maternity leave," Carlisle answers with a deep scowl. "Mr. Berty is taking over as principal until she returns. Which won't be until next year."

I'm so fucked.

"Gentleman!" That fucker, Berty, walks into the classroom with a giant shit-eating grin on his face. "What do we have here?" He slaps his hands together and stops in front of us happily. "Smoking on school grounds, eh? Oh, Cullen." He snickers. "You have made my entire year with this one. There are no loopholes for you to jump through now. And I will take great pleasure in saying these next three words."

I gulp and look at Royce.

"You. Are. Expell—"

"That won't be necessary, Mr. Berty." One of the student aides comes rushing into the room breathlessly. "Mr. Cullen and Mr. King are free to go."

"Drugs on school grounds are an automatic expulsion. We have a strict no-tolerance policy." His eyes widen. "Over my dead body." Mr. Berty laughs incredulously.

"That," a new voice pipes in, and fuck if my heart does not stop cold, "can be arranged."

Fuck my life.

"Aro," I say with a grimace.

-x-

Crowded around inside my apartment—without my consent—it feels as if the walls are closing in on me. Royce and I are seated like two kids in timeout on my couch. This couch was once one of my favorite places to be—it reminds me of fun times down Bella's pants—but it's all ruined.

_Fuck_. _My. Life._

There are so many questions floating around inside my head right now. Most of them are stupid shit, like why does Aro's forehead look so massively wide? And is it just me, or is one of Carlisle's nostrils bigger than the other? Why does it still feel like I'm sitting on a cloud?

Then there is the half of my brain that's actually _sober_. On that side it's full of questions like who the fuck called Aro? How did they even _know _to call him?

Before I can think about it, my mouth is open and I'm asking, "How did—"

"Relax, boy." Aro stops me with a large hand held up. "Aside from Carlisle, who else do you think is listed as an emergency contact?"

"This isn't a fucking emergency!" I jump up to my feet and shout. Then I look over at Carlisle, feeling betrayed as fuck. "You?"

He gulps. "I had no choice. There were no other options, Edward."

"You don't get to call me that!" I roar with a finger pointed at him. "You went behind my fucking back and called _him?_ How did you even…?" I have no words. I start to pace the room back and forth in front of the couch.

Carlisle and Aro share a look that sets me further on edge. It's a shared, secret look; it's a look that means they'll both take it to their graves. It's a look that makes me feel sick to my stomach with betrayal. Carlisle? Fucking _Carlisle?_

"I'll take over from here, Mr. Cullen." Aro dismisses Carlisle.

"Nah, fuck that." I spin around and scowl at the two of them. "You don't get to walk away from this. Your hands are dirty now, Carlisle."

His grimace makes him look as if he's in pain. Good. I want him to feel like shit. He deserves it. Can I seriously now trust _anyone_ anymore? I can't believe this motherfucking donkey horseshit!

"Edward, stop acting like a child. You're almost a fucking adult—act like one." Aro narrows his gaze in disapproval.

I take one step toward him instinctively—hell, I don't even know yet what I plan to do—but suddenly Roy is on his feet and shoving me backward. "Back the fuck off and calm down, Edward!" he roars into my face.

What the hell is with everyone using my name all of a sudden?

"Listen to your friend," Aro mutters irritably, his cold blue eyes staring me down.

"Fuck you." I scowl directly into Aro's smug face. "You're in _my _apartment. Maybe I should just kick your ass right on out. I know it'll make me feel a hell of a lot better!" I can feel my temper rising to the top and ready to spill over. If I allow that to happen, there will be no stopping me. Royce is right, I need to calm the fuck down.

As always, Royce has my back and swoops in to handle shit that I can't right now. He moves to stand between me and the other two assholes in my living room, giving me the time I need to get my shit together. I'm grateful, and also disappointed that I'm allowing Aro to get to me so easily. I just want them gone and out of my sight. I want Bella—I just want to bury my face in her neck and smell her sweet and delicious skin. Fuck, just imagining her being here calms me down a bit.

"You start." Royce points at Carlisle. "Are you working for Aro?"

"_No_," Carlisle spits out acidly. "I called him because I didn't know who else to call. He is your—"

"Shut the fuck up!" I rage forward and snatch the front of Carlisle's dress shirt in my hand so tight that the buttons pop and scatter. "How the hell do you know that?" In a blink, I have him pressed against the wall and Royce struggling to pull me off of him. "How the fuck do you know that?" I roar in his face. "Answer me, you bastard!"

"Fuck, Edward!" Royce shouts in my ear. "You're choking him! He can't breathe, you asshole!"

I feel an elbow slam into my stomach hard enough to knock the wind out of me and cause me to fall back and hunch over. My anger skyrockets and I can feel my eyesight grow blurry as my ears rumble with my heartbeat and tensed muscles.

"Stay back," Royce warns me.

Aro leans against the kitchen counter with a blank expression on his face. I hate how much that stance reminds me of myself. When I'm not the one caught up in my anger, I'm the one standing back watching everyone else make a fool of themselves. This sobers me right the fuck up. I look like a fucking idiot, and I just choked the only man who has ever gave a damn about me.

"I'm…" I slap a hand on the back of my neck and rub my skin until it burns. "I'm sorry."

Carlisle is seated on the floor with his legs spread out and his hands bunched at his sides while he takes jagged, shaky breaths. I feel so ashamed that I back away and refuse to look him in the eyes. Aro steps in and takes control of everything, as if he's had it all along. He probably has, too.

"Enough." His gaze roams over each of our faces and lands on mine. "Your school has always had me as an emergency contact—_always_." His expression hardens. "I usually allow Carlisle to handle things, as I know he is competent and capable of doing. Never once have I needed to step in." He pauses with a huff. "Until today. So if you want to place the blame on someone, put it on yourself, Edward."

I can feel my hands start to shake with rage.

"Carlisle." Aro turns to him. "You will leave this apartment and forget that today ever happened. I will take care of what needs to be done. Thank you for everything you have done for Edward."

Panic starts to spread through my system. "Why are you acting like I'm never going to see him again?" I look at Royce, who shows to be equally as shaken as I am right now.

Aro snorts. "Because if I were him I'd never want to see _you _again. Look at how you treat the man who's done so much for you? Where has your sense of respect gone, Edward? Are you honestly this far gone? Perhaps my decision to keep you from me until you were old enough was a mistake."

I take a step toward him. "The only mistake was you not telling me you knew where my fucking mother was this whole time!"

"Your mother was not fit to raise you and she knew it!" he roars right back into my face.

I flinch in reaction, shocked that he's actually raised his voice. I've never heard him yell at _me _before in my entire life. I'd always thought he was smarter than that. Apparently, I was wrong.

"What the fuck is he talking about?" Royce finally asks.

"Nothing," I snap at him just as my phone starts to ring. I don't even check the screen before pressing _ignore_ and walking to my front door. "Get out." I point at Carlisle.

He leaves without a word or even a look in my direction. It fucking hurts. I feel like that day I came home from school and just _knew _my dad was gone. This hurts ten times more than that feeling. Whatever, fuck him. I don't need anyone but myself. I'm the only one who hasn't lied to me yet.

I turn my face to Aro, but I do not look him in the eye. "Leave," I growl at the ground. "Now."

I can smell Aro's distinct, expensive cologne as he strides past me before he pivots and grabs my shoulder. "When you're ready to know the truth, I hope that you come to me." His fingers clench. "But I know that you won't because you're so much like…" He stops suddenly and sighs as I feel him slip something into my hand. "It would be better coming from me, but since you are so fucking hell-bent on holding a grudge, you can find out for yourself."

He leaves, and I look down in my hand to see a business card.

I look at Royce next. I don't have to say the words, he just knows. But his phone rings and he pauses to look down at the screen. "It's Bella," he says, staring at her name on his phone.

"Don't answer it." I snatch his phone and press _ignore_, then slap it back into his hand. "I'll call you later."

Royce's shoulders tense. His jaw ticks with unsaid irritation and concern. "Are you sure?" he replies warily.

"Yes." I breathe through my nose.

"Edward," he says, and I have to look up at meet his gaze. "You don't have to tell me, I'll understand, but you'll have to tell Bella. You know that, right? If you keep this from her you'll lose her like I lost Rose."

I gulp and nod my head. "Yeah, all right."

He leaves and I shut the door behind him then grab my phone and dial Bella. She answers almost immediately. "Are you okay? Jake told me what happened. Where are you?"

"Home," I say, sitting on the end of my couch with my head in my hands.

"I've been trying to call you for, like, the past hour. Jake said he saw Aro. Edward, what is—"

"Bella?" I whisper, so soft it's louder than any shout I could ever roar, "I…"

"What, baby? Tell me, it's yours. What do you need from me?" She sounds so scared and confused, and I fucking love her so much.

"You." I feel the last of my resolve slip through my fingers. "I need you… Please, Bella. Come home."

There's a knock at my front door. "I'm here, Edward. Open the door, or do you need me to use my key?"

I toss my phone to the side, and in a few long strides I have the door swung open and my girl in my arms.

-x-

I know what I have to do, I just hate that I have to do it.

"Do you want me to do it for you?" she whispers into my shoulder, her arms wrapped securely around my waist.

"No." I shake my head. "I have to do this myself."

I gulp and dial. I get a voicemail. I expected a voicemail. I just don't know if I remember what I'm supposed to say.

"Um…" I clear my throat and hang up. It's the sixth fucking time I've done it.

"Just say what we wrote down." Bella holds up the crumbled piece of lined paper with her neat handwriting on it. "It'll be over before you know it."

"But what if I don't ever get an answer back?" I reply with my eyes clenched shut. I hate how fucking weak I sound.

I feel her shift from behind me and then she's kneeling in front of me. "Then we're right back to where we started, but you'll never know until you try." I let her take my phone and dial, and this time she holds the phone up but won't let me touch it. She points to the paper in my hand and I take a deep breath before I prepare to read out loud.

It goes straight to voicemail, but it's a business number so I expect that.

"_You've reached E. A. Donaldson Design and Contractors. Please leave your name, number, and a brief idea of what you're hoping we can do for you and we will get back to you shortly. Thank you for your possible business!" _

BEEP!

"Uh, um…" I pause and Bella encourages me with a smile and a glance at what is in my hand. But I can't read from some fake note to a fucking answering machine. "This is Ed—Royce King," I blurt out at the last second and ignore the way Bella's eyes widen into two golf balls. "Yeah, uh, I have a surprise renovation for my girlfriend, and I'm, uh… I'm looking around and was referred here. Money is not an option. So, uh… yeah. Call me back at…"

I leave my real number and end the call with: "I hope to hear back from you. It would mean a lot to me—an-and my girlfriend," I add quickly. "Um, okay. Bye."

I hang up and drop my phone on the coffee table before I reach out and lift Bella up from the floor and into my lap. She doesn't say anything, because she knows why I chickened out, she just kisses my jaw and my nose and my eyes and my face, and then she curls into me like she knows I love. I lift up the card in my hand and sigh. In bold, beneath the company name, it reads: _Elizabeth A. Masen-Donaldson, co-founder. _

The ball is in her court now, I guess.

-x-

_Despite these imperfections, despite all I say _

_Inside in recollections, I'm done with yesterday _

_I will lose my mind, make it real this time _

_To leave it all behind_

_I won't cry wolf _

_Show me a sign, planets will align_

_I'm gonna blow my mind_

_I won't cry wolf _

_The one I trusted sold me _

_this is overblown_

_But I didn't want to believe_

_Everyone I trusted deceived me _

_I will lose my mind, make it real this time _

_To leave it all behind_

_I won't cry wolf _

_Show me a sign, planets will align_

_I'm gonna blow my mind_

_I won't cry wolf _

_I figured out_

_I'm holding onto time_

_And I can't let go _

_I'm hiding, I'm needy, on the inside I'm bleeding _

_I'm searching for something but _

_Can't seem to find me _

_On the surface is someone who pretends to focus _

_I'm waiting and wanting to cut this and go on_

_Trying to live when the pain can all be gone _

_We've only seen the future_

_The voice in my head leading me here back home_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Planets by Adema_. This is literally my favorite song and has been for YEARS. I beg you to download it, it's that's amazing.

I'm typokween on twitter. Join the TSB Facebook Group (TSB Burnward Readers) for anything and everything that has to do with this fic. Here is where you can ask me pretty much whatever you want.

**TK FIC REC:** High Fidelity by IReen H**.**

**Sorry I took so long to update. Hopefully I've got everything together now, I don't mean to take forever to update, I swear. **

**I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your love and support. **

**Burnward and Bella love you for it, too.**

**SPECIAL THANK YOU TO—Jess, **thanks for being that push that made me post this fic to begin with. **Darlingsaila,** I'm sorry my word doc jacked up your computer and that I tumblr spammed you whenever you would beta. Haha. Love you. **SCLizbetty,** thanks for getting me through the long ass days at work. ;)


	32. Littlething

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would have just bought a new laptop instead of spending three weeks trying to FIX this one!

THANK YOUS—_Jess: Love you._ _DarlingSaila: My wonderful betafish. EVERYONE: your patience has been a real blessing. Thank you for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you rock._

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ life starts to catch up with you.

**Ch. 32:** _Littlething_

Waiting is tantalizing. It torments you with the anticipation of what is to come, sending you into a treacherous game of 'What The Fuck Do I Do Until Then?' It makes you do anything and everything to help distract your mind.

Waiting is dangerous. It makes you crazy with hope or despair. The not knowing is the most excruciating part of patience; it's the catalyst to shady decisions and inevitable mistakes during the most treacherous situations.

Waiting is emotional. It consumes your mind and eats at your body. It keeps you up at night and exhausted during the day. It makes you moody and spiteful and causes you to isolate yourself from those who care about you.

Waiting is bullshit.

Why the fuck won't she call him back?

-x-

"Whoa, whoa! Are you crazy? How much is that thing?" Royce's eyes are so large that I want to reach up and pull them out of his thick head.

"Relax, dork. It's, like, ten bucks and it'll feed you guys for, like, two weeks!" I try to rationalize why it's better for him to shop at Costco instead of the dollar menu at McDonald's.

Processed food rules. For the lower class. Hell, for everyone. A plate of pepperoni pizza rolls can make me drool and beg like a fucking dog sometimes. They're so good and so easy to make, and who the hell doesn't like pizza rolls?

"I don't like 'em." Bailey points and frowns as she hangs onto the side of the shopping cart.

I swear she's only saying that because she hates me. I look to Royce for help, but he's busy trying to use some weird shopping budget app on his phone. Whatever, he's not the one in charge, anyway.

"Sam!" I shout.

I look over and see his bright colored Red Sox hat bobbing up and down in the cereal aisle while he attempts to reach for a box of Trix for Jack. This is a disaster in the making. I see the tips of his fingers smacking against the family size box and immediately spot the surrounding boxes on the shelf start to shake.

"OhmyGod!OhmyGod!OhmyGod!" I shriek and take off running like I'm about to run for my life from Freddy Krueger. "Jack! Sam! Watch out!" Good lord, it's like the aisle is getting longer!

Jack has the good sense to listen to me—I think it's only because he's seen something better to look at—but Sam is still reaching, and the shelf is still quaking, and then the box slips out and bonks him on the head just as two more fall off the shelf.

And what does my stupid ass do?

"Sam!" I cry and jump at him like a lioness pouncing to save her cub. When I crash into him he yelps and acts like I'm made of slime, but I keep him beneath me just as the rest of the fucking lethal cereal boxes tumble on top of us.

Dear Makers of Cereal: you really need to do something about the sharp edges on your mother-effing boxes. Because they really fucking hurt. Thanks. Sincerely, The Wounded Bitch Who is Suing You.

"What the hell just happened?" I hear Royce and the fast roll of the cart approach us at warp speed. Where the hell was he during the avalanche of Trix and Cocoa Puffs?

I roll off of Sam and cringe as my back hits the cold floor. That is so gonna leave a mark—several of them. I'm suing everyone.

"Genius over here caused a mudslide of cereal boxes." I shoot a thumb in Sammy's direction.

"Did not!" he shouts and adjusts his hat over his floppy hair. He is so getting a haircut this weekend, even if I have to cut it my damn self.

"Wait." Royce looks around to see who is watching and whispers, "Are we going to have to pay for this?"

I groan and slump an arm over my eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine, Royce. Thanks so much for asking, and, oh! You're welcome for saving your little brother from death-by-Trix!" I throw my arm out and glare up at him.

Royce snorts. "You're such a fucking drama queen, Bella." He yanks me up to my feet with one swift pull and pats the top of my head. "Thank you, Bella, for saving my little brother from death-by-Trix."

I roll my eyes and wrinkle my nose at him and he does the same back at me. I sigh and go back to where we were and grab the monster bag of frozen pizza rolls. "You're buying these." I drop them into the cart.

"And these!" Jack comes rushing over with a box of Trix and a bag of what looks like a Kirkland brand of Wheaties.

"Hold up, little man!" Royce plucks the bag of faux-Wheaties out of the cart. "The day I actually see you eat a bowl of these? I'll let Bella shave my head bald."

I turn to Jack happily and clap my hands. "Do it, Jack! Do it!"

Jack has no idea why I'm so giddy, but he hears the excitement in my tone of voice and starts to jump up and down and shout, "Yeah! Yeah! Do it!"

"I want ice cream!" Bailey wails from inside the cart.

"No way, Bailey! You wouldn't finish your breakfast this morning," Sam scolds her.

Her little mouth drops open in betrayal. "But it was gross!"

"Bailey!" Sam hisses in a secret shut-your-mouth kind of way.

I look closely at their silent sibling telepathy and suddenly it hits me. "You guys didn't like my cooking!" I shout and cast an accusing glare at Royce.

Royce holds his hands up at his sides. "I have no part in this."

"You guys are crazy! I cook bacon and eggs for Edward all the time and he _loves _it!" I actually stomp my foot in the middle of the damn warehouse. I grab my phone and press _one_ to speed dial him on speaker.

He answers on the first ring.

"Damn, you back yet, Bella? I just smoked a bowl and I wanna fu—" I make some kind of inhuman sound in the back of my throat and hang up on him.

"Uh…" I look down at the three sets of innocent eyes staring back at me. My phone starts to ring again, and I know it's Edward so I answer and hiss into the phone, "Oh, my God, I had you on speaker in front of the kids!"

He starts barking out obnoxious laughter that burns my cheeks with embarrassment.

"Anyway!" I snap. "I was calling so you would tell the kids how much you love my breakfast. I'm putting you on speaker," I warn. "Okay, now tell them."

Edward clears his throat a few times. "You mean the bacon and eggs, right?" He sounds hesitant for some odd reason.

"Uh, yuh!" I snort.

A pause. Then, "I _loooove _when you make me that, babe! I don't know what you kids are thinking, Bella makes the best breakfast ever."

Oh. My. God.

"You're lying!" I gasp. "You are totally lying!"

"What? No!" he scoffs.

I feel so heartbroken. I really, honestly thought I was good at one damn thing.

"Come over right now and cook it and I will eat it," Edward responds quickly.

Royce chuckles. "You're high as a kite, bro. You'll eat anything right now."

His laughter makes Edward laugh, and since Edward isn't here…

"Ow! Hey!" Royce frowns and grabs his shoulder. "That hurt, you little cheer-ninja."

"Don't be mean." I pout and grab the cart to roll it down toward the checkout lines. "Goodbye, Edward," I deadpan and hang up.

He sends a text message right away: _I love your breakfasts, baby. I promise. –E _

It makes me smile.

-x-

**FACEBOOK Status:**

**Makenna Levine** _can't get "We Are Young" out of her head!_

Comments:

**Jacob Black** try taking the song off repeat on your iPod, babe.

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**Seth Clearwater** _why did God make Leah my sister?_

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**Leah Clearwater** why did God make you my brother? The world may never know.

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><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

**Message from** _Bella Swan_ **to:** _Jacob Black and Royce King._

**Bella Swan**: Edward's birthday is next week and I want to do something special. He needs this, you guys. He's been so distracted with everything lately, and he and Carlisle still aren't talking. Any suggestions?

**Royce King**: Yeah, leave it to me and Jay. We got this.

**Bella Swan**: The last time you said that you buzzed Edward's head.

**Royce King**: For the LAST time, that was NOT my idea!

**Jacob Black**: Just plan something for the two of you, Bella. We have a guys' night planned. We do it every year. Don't worry, I won't let anything too crazy happen. ;)

**Bella Swan**: I trust you, Jake.

**Bella Swan**: Not you, Royce!

**Royce King**: The knife you have shoved into my chest is slowly bleeding me dry. Goodbye, cruel world.

**Jacob Black**: Cool story, bro, more beer for me.

**Royce King**: I'm revived! Back from the dead.

**Bella Swan**: Ahhhh! Zombie!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

**FHS Cheer Squad News Feed**

**Bella Swan** Nationals is ONE month away, everyone. If you feel unprepared in ANY WAY please don't hesitate to ask me or Jess for help. It's what we're here for.

**Jessica Stanley** There are at least four of you who need the extra coaching. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but it's true. I won't say names, but if you do not contact either Bella or myself I'm coming after you.

**Bella Swan** In the most sincere and genuine of ways, she means. :)

**Jessica Stanley** No, I mean I'll physically come after you.

**Bella Swan** Jess, we talked about this. You're good cop, I'm bad cop.

**Jessica Stanley** Wait, I thought we were doing bad cop, bad cop?

**Bella Swan** Fine. You're bad, I'm good.

**Jessica Stanley** This feels like a trick…

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK Status:<strong>

**Rosalie Hale **_wishes Bella would answer her phone._

Comments:

**Bella Swan** way to single me out, biatch. It's BBT time on TBS, I know better than to call you right now!

**Rosalie Hale** it's a rerun, call me!

**Bella Swan** calling…

**Rosalie Hale** answering…

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

**Message from** _Emmett McCarty_ **to** _Kate Stone, Jessica Stanley, Tia Kebi, Chealsea Salvatore, and five others. _

Emmett McCarty you're all chicks. What do we do for B's b-day? We gotta go big. I have strict rules from Rosalie herself to go hard or get my ass kicked.

-x-

I'm in class pretending to take notes in physics when in actuality I'm doodling all over my notebook. A drooling wolf hovering over a fuzzy bunny, Mr. Burger King holding a baby, and the one I'm sketching now: a smoking caterpillar in a hoodie with an unsuspecting Alice reaching forward to take the blunt from his outstretched hand. I'm really proud of that one; the mushroom he's perched on is all psychedelic and shit.

When I reach for a purple gel pen, a folded piece of lined paper is dropped onto my notebook. A sly look to my right shows Kate staring at me in wait, she's not even trying to hide the fact that she's just passed me a note in Mr. Crosby's class. Is she insane? Does she not know the legendary story of the last student caught passing notes inside this class? Excuse me if I don't wish to stand up front and scrawl the contents of our note on the whiteboard over and over until the entire surface is filled with my secrets.

But then she elbows me and tilts her head toward the unopened note. Damn her. I roll my eyes with a dramatic sigh and slowly open the letter.

_Party for your bday._

I scoff and look over at her incredulously.

_**NO!**_ I underline three times.

She swipes the paper from me so fast my pen scrapes across it, leaving a deep purple line in its wake.

_I'm not asking, I'm _**telling**_ you. Emmett feels bad about your bday & Rose not being here. He's going to throw you a surprise party. So… SURPRISE!_

It's at this point when I really start to panic. I mean, seriously! Did I not make it clear enough that I did NOT want to have a fucking party for my birthday? Isn't it _my _right as the birthday girl to have a choice in how I spend my special day? What the hell is wrong with wanting to barricade myself inside Edward's bedroom naked with him for a whole twenty-four hours? I really don't think that's too much to ask.

_**WTF?**_I write back. _**You know I hate surprises!**_

_Which is why I'm telling you now! _

_**What am I going to do? **_

_Umm… go? Why the hell not?_

I sigh and scribble down my answer. _**I had plans. Naked plans. Naked plans with EDWARD.**_

She giggles at my response and presses a hand to her lips delicately. "You can still do that," she teases me in whispers.

Mercifully, the bell rings a few minutes later and I'm hauling out of the room and away from Kate. But she's onto me and speeds up her pace to walk alongside me and slink her arm through mine. As she does this, I stiffen immediately—this is something I would usually do with Rosalie. Not Kate—not _anyone_. Only Rose.

"S'up, bitches!" A shout down the hall causes both Kate and me to whirl around in surprise. Jessica wears a giant smirk on her face as she makes her way over to us and pauses to stare at me. "You know." She frowns. "Don't you?"

I roll my eyes and Kate squeezes my arm with hers. "Yeah, she knows. Now it's Operation Bella Drop. We're going to have to bind and gag her."

"Kinky." Jessica winks. "Oh, chill out. It's not like anyone is going to go, anyway," she teases me as she comes over to flank my other side as we walk down the hall toward our lockers. "Oh, hey. Do you think you could get Cullen to hook us up at the party? I tried buying from James the other day, and _blech!_" Her face morphs into one of disgust. "Bammer city."

All three of us wrinkle our noses at that. Low quality street-weed is the worst.

"I suppose if it's going to be _my _party, I can't have anything but the best, right?" I say this as a joke, but then both girls are nodding and agreeing with me in total seriousness.

For some reason that makes me feel more uncomfortable than the times I've had random stoners approach me at school asking for a hookup. I had nipped that right in the bud long ago, but this… My _friends? _Well, Kate's my friend, Jessica is…

"All right, I'll see you guys at practice. I have detention during lunch today for chewing gum in class. _Boo_. Stupid Mrs. Cope is such a hater." She groans as she backs away.

"Do I sense a new addition to the TP tour this year?" I quip with a slight arch of my brow.

This makes the smirk on Jessica's face spread into a Cheshire cat grin. "Oh, I do declare, Ms. Swan, that you may just be onto something…" She slinks away down the hall to class.

Kate and I laugh and pull our books from our lockers before going our separate ways. It's not until the middle of History class that it hits me like a bucket of cold water—holy shit! Jessica Stanley is my friend.

How the fuck did that happen?

-x-

"Keep laughing, bubble-butt," I growl at my laptop screen where Rosalie is currently busting a gut laughing at me.

"Oh, come on, Bella! This is funny!" She giggles into one hand while the other cradles her growing tummy.

I roll my eyes. "How is this funny?"

"It just is." She hums happily. She looks happy, too. "Are you going to tell me that after all the years I've wasted talking shit about…" She pauses to think of someone she despises. "Jennifer!" she shouts when she's found a perfect subject. "That if I were to one day become quasi-friends with her, you wouldn't tease me for the rest of my life?"

I fall back onto Edward's couch with a deep sigh. "It's just weird, okay?" I bend my knees to bring the laptop closer and push the screen back so that I can see her better. "I mean, she's been a bitch to me since you and I became friends. Now, all of a sudden, we're seeing shit eye to eye? It's fucking weird, man."

"Well, I think it's about time. I'm glad that other people are starting to see the real you, because she's awesome." Rose winks.

I groan and rub my hands over my face before I remember I have makeup on—which makes me groan even louder. _Boo_.

A sudden shout from the balcony brings my attention to where Edward paces back and forth like a caged tiger. I don't know for sure who he is talking to, but it's obviously not a conversation he's enjoying. I watch him slump down into one of the longue chairs and run his hand over the new growth of hair on his head.

"How are you and Royce doing?" I ask Rose without taking my eyes off of my distressed boyfriend.

"Good," she says with a slight pause, and my attention is focused once again on my screen. "_Really _good, actually." Her fingers comb through her beautiful hair—those prenatal pills do _wonders!_

"You sound surprised." I laugh at her softly. "He's doing really good, Rose. Despite that little setback at school, he's been trying really hard."

Her sigh turns into a groan. "I know, I know. It's just… I'm scared, Bell. What if we do this and he fucks up? It's not just about _me_ anymore. It's about me and the baby."

I chew my lip in deep thought while she avoids my eyes and plays with her nails. She has a valid point, Royce is doing really well, but who is to say how long it will last? Then again, who knows what the future holds? I decide then that I'm now one hundred percent behind Royce.

"I really think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, babe." I can't believe I'm backing Royce. Wow. Shit has truly changed. "I'm not saying to go all-in, I'm just saying that maybe you should see where this goes?"

Her silence tells me that she's thinking about it. That's as good as it's going to get for the ol' boy. I hope he appreciate this, because if he fucks it up I will personally junk-punch his shit.

My eyes find Edward again outside, he's leaning against the patio rail now. He stares out at the courtyard, listening to whomever is on the phone.

"So what about you?" Rose breaks my concentration.

My eyes flash to her tired image as she sets the laptop down on the mattress beside her before she lies in bed. I stare at the side of her face and roll from my back to my side and place my laptop on the coffee table so that it feels like we're both lying in my bed talking. Like old times. She smiles slightly and I know she's thinking the same thing.

"What about me?" I ask and grab Edward's forgotten black hoodie from the headrest and cuddle it to my chest. My nose digs into the fabric, inhaling his scent and making me feel intoxicated. I love this boy so much, it's ridiculous how happy it makes me to just smell his fucking sweater.

Rose smirks. "I know acceptance letters went out, Bella Swan."

My entire body tenses up, adrenaline floods my veins and my skin sears with fear. I gulp and lick my lips before responding, "Uh, nothing yet. I'm still waiting." I blink and glance up to see Edward's serious face morph into a small smile. For some odd reason, I instantly know who he's talking to now.

Only one other girl can make that smile appear across his face.

_Bailey_.

"You're scared, aren't you?" Once again, Rose breaks into my thoughts.

It's like a jolt back to reality when she says this. I literally flinch and blink my lashes several times in my attempt to focus. "Yes," is my automatic reply. "But I don't want to worry about that yet. Let's just wait to see if I even get in before I go down that road."

Her brow wrinkles in a frown. I hate that I put it there, but I refuse to talk about anything college-related until I absolutely have no choice. Rose knows this of course; she knows so much about me. I'm really lucky to have her, and I can only hope to be half the friend that she is.

"I feel really bad I'm going to miss your birthday." Her frown deepens. "But, um… I think you're really going to like your present."

"Presents!" I sing and clap my hands excitedly.

My birthday and Christmas are my absolute favorite holidays. No fucking doubt. Presents are win, especially when they are for me.

Rose laughs at my giddiness, but before she can speak again, Edward slides the back door open and walks inside. A blunt hangs loosely from his lips while a cigarette rests behind his left ear. His lips pull into a smirk, the kind that lets me know he wants to see me naked really, _really _soon and he _knows _that he will.

But I'm not done talking to Rosalie, so I turn my face back to my screen and ask Rose what she got me.

"I'm not telling you!" she shouts.

I jut my bottom lip out in a pout. "Why not? It's my _birthday_." I lay on the guilt super thick.

But Rose is not having it. She never does. Damn it!

"First of all, your birthday isn't for another four days," she snorts. "Second of all—"

"_Oof!_" Every bit of air leaves my body quickly in one breath because Edward has literally jumped over the back of the couch and landed on top of me. "Oh, my God! Get off of me! You're heavy!" I shout with an angry red face.

"I miss you," he mumbles into my ear and kisses my cheek. "Bye, Rose," he says and reaches out a hand to close my laptop.

"Stop it!" I scream and bat his hand away before he can shut it.

He rolls his eyes. "You've been on this thing for, like, two hours."

"He's right, Bell. I'm ready for a nap anyway." Rose yawns.

I twist my head to stare at her. "What? No way! That was totally rude, what he just did!" I place my palms flat against his chest and shove him back as far as I can—which is like an inch. "You're starting to piss me off, Edward!"

"I haven't seen you all fucking weekend!" he snaps. "Jesus, can I have a few minutes of your time?"

I snort and extract myself from beneath him. So not going to work this time—I know all of his tricks. I stand, and when I bend to pick up the laptop he slaps my ass so hard that I seriously think I'm going to have a handprint on my left butt cheek.

"Excuse me, Rosalie." I smile sweetly and set the machine back down before I turn and curl a fist to sock his arm as hard as I can.

"Ow!" He laughs—_laughs!_—and grabs his arm. "What the hell?"

I rub my throbbing ass and pull my yoga pants back a bit to take a quick look at my poor booty. Sure enough, a red welt with five fingers is there. I lift my gaze to glare at him and he has the audacity to sit up and peer into the open seat of my pants.

His playful attitude would be received much better if he hadn't come at me like a spoiled brat. "That hurt."

"C'mere and I'll kiss it." He grins.

My face heats. "No."

He shrugs. "Then quit complaining."

"Then don't _hit_ me!" I growl and swipe at air when I attempt to smack him upside his head. "You did that on purpose!"

He chuckles with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "So?"

My mouth drops open in disbelief. "You actually hit me on purpose? Edward, that was really fucking mean!" I don't give him the time to reply. I grab my laptop and storm into his room, slamming the door shut behind me and plopping onto my stomach on the bed. The motion makes me wince when my skin stretches over my ass.

"_Fucker_," I growl to myself.

It's then that I realize Rosalie has fallen asleep during my little quarrel with Prince Charming. She looks like Sleeping Beauty with her hair all laid out beside her like that. I know I should sign off and let her sleep, but I pause and watch her for a moment. One hand is curved over her stomach, like she's trying to hold her baby in her slumber. Her lashes are dark and thick against her rose cheeks, and I can't find one damn zit or blemish.

I sign off and stare at myself in the webcam. I can still see me, and I start to make funny faces at myself. Wow. I'm a dork.

The door behind me opens and I watch from my screen as he approaches me slowly—chest void of a t-shirt and hips covered only by boxers. He watches me watch him with a smirk that is so unfair. Someone so beautiful shouldn't be able to use their looks for evil—and when I say evil I mean manipulating their girlfriends into doing anything they want.

I grab the top of the screen to close the laptop and Edward zips forward to grab my hips. "Don't," he says and grips my sides harder.

"Why not?" I ask, but I already know the answer.

He chuckles deep within the back of his throat and peels my yoga pants from my legs.

My lashes touch the tops of my cheeks as I suck in a quick intake of air the moment I feel his hands push my shirt up my back. I shiver with goose bumps and bend my head toward the bed just as his lips press soft kisses up my spine. My body heats up like a furnace and my stomach starts to flutter with anticipation.

"What are you doing back there?" I ask breathlessly.

"Does that thing record?" he asks huskily, and then I feel his naked chest against my back and his mouth at my ear.

I choke on a laugh. "You can't be serious!"

His hips press into me so that the solid feel of his fully thick cock rocks along the crevice down my ass. I gasp and feel a pool of wetness seep between my legs while his hands explore the sides of my breasts that are pressed into the mattress. My breath catches in my throat and I slowly gulp down a moan.

"Does this feel serious?" His words are hot in my ear and followed by a small, teasing thrust of his cock against my panty-covered ass.

This time I cannot hold back a moan and it comes out louder than I expected, causing my cheeks to burn from embarrassment. His arms reach out over my shoulders to pull the laptop closer, so that he can press the necessary buttons to record, and then he slides it as far away from us as he can. My hands clench in the comforter beneath me, and when he lifts his body from mine I roll over onto my back and stare up at him unblinkingly.

"You are so fucking fine, girl." His eyes close with a deep breath to enunciate his statement. I blush further and his head lowers so that he can kiss me on the mouth, his tongue pushing through to curl around mine.

My arms wrap around his torso and I slide my hands up his back, trickling my fingernails against his skin as I make my way to his neck. "You taste like cinnamon," I pant against his lips.

"You taste like sin," he whispers back. "The ripest fruit from the tree, baby."

I feel the length of his cock grind into my thigh as he continues to say things to me that make me so wet I start to squirm. He says things like, "I want to lick your pussy until you can't breathe" and "you fit so perfect under me" and "I'm gonna make you feel so good, Bella."

My nipples are so hard they poke through my shirt, and I'm so fucking glad I'm not wearing a bra when his hands sneak up my shirt and palm each tit. He moves his body down mine and I push up to my elbows so that I can kiss his forehead tenderly. His chest presses between my open legs and I instinctively lift my hips up, trying to find friction against my clit. When I finally get what I want I gasp and drop my head back.

"Sit up," he says to me, and when I do he pulls my shirt over my head and tosses it over his shoulder.

I watch him rise to his feet and grab onto my ankles so that he can turn me horizontal across the bed. At this angle the laptop can see whatever he plans to do to me from here on out. The very thought of it excites me—I do not know why.

His fingers curl around the elastic of my panties, and achingly slow he slips them down my hips, past my knees, and pulls them free from my ankles. His grin makes me tremble. My skin is hot and sensitive to touch. I feel a flush take over every inch of me and gather down my tummy to between my thighs.

Dear God, he's pushing my knees apart, now his eyes are on mine as he lowers his mouth and flicks his tongue out to tease my clit. I jerk and cry out, so turned on that I can barely tolerate the sensation, and he chuckles in amusement.

"Shhh," he hushes me, but his attention isn't on my face any longer. Two fingers push up between my folds, from bottom to top, where he stops and circles them against my clit with just the right amount of pressure.

"Oh, fuck!" I whine, and my hands cup my tits and pull and pinch the tips while he blows into my pussy and fingers me to the point of shaky limbs and dry lungs. My muscles tighten as I slip my hands down my torso to the top of his head.

"Ah!" I gasp when the intensity building up inside of me becomes too much and push him away only to pull him back. "I'm gonna come." My voice wavers. "Edward, yes, right there. Don't stop—oh, God!" He uses his hands to push my legs apart and sucks my clit so good that my chest arches into the air and my eyes lose focus.

"Like this? You like when I suck your clit like that, huh?" he teases arrogantly, and continues to do exactly what he knows drives me absolutely insane.

"Yes!" I yell in agreement. I can't help it—it's too good. The heels of my palms move to bury deep into my eyes as I shout and cry and scream so many different things I will never remember. His fingers are back inside of me, pushing and pulling, and I feel my walls clench around them tightly.

"Come on, baby," he encourages the arrival of my little death.

Moments later it comes and I lose every ounce of self-control I had as my nails dig into his shoulders and I shriek out into the room so loudly that I feel like a banshee. My skin is molten lava melting over spent muscles and brittle bones as I come down, heart pounding and adrenaline coursing through my veins.

With swift moves and strong flexing muscles, he lies next to me and tilts my chin toward him for a kiss. His eyes lock with mine and I turn into him and press my lips to his several times, refusing to break our connection. I can still feel him hard and hot against my lower abdomen as he rocks gently against me and clenches his jaw tight.

Sated and still high on Edward, I roll him onto his back and bite one of his nipples. He yelps in surprise and I giggle softly. To apologize, I slick my tongue over it, and he shivers beneath me full of a deep desire I want to claim as my own. I lick, kiss, and nibble my way down his chest, the taut abs above his belly button, and down further to his very long and very hard cock.

I use one fingertip to gather up the tiny drops of pre-cum that have seeped out of the tip and draw them down the underside of his shaft, stopping at his balls and then taking them into my palm and squeezing gently. His mouth opens slightly, a quick intake of breath when I touch him and his chest begins to heave up and down.

I don't draw this out—I know what he wants, and I sure as hell want to do it. My head bends over so that my lips can wrap around the head of his dick, and then I gently take him into my mouth as far as I can. Edward tightens up every muscle in his body to keep from thrusting up and shoving further down my throat. I inhale through my nose and swallow until I feel him hit my gag reflex, and then I pull him out, take a breath, and go again. The faster I move up and down, the easier it is to take more without wanting to gag—I wonder if I'll ever be able to do this without my throat wanting to reject and retch when I take him in too deep.

My free hand fists around him and twists and pulls as it follows my mouth. He's wet and slippery as I pull back to relax my jaw and use both hands to grab, squeeze, twist, and pump his cock. His head falls back, his chin high, and his mouth open with jagged breaths and enticingly explicit and dirty words.

"Oh, baby, yes," he groans as I drag my tongue from bottom to top and then cover his cock with my mouth. His hands finally gain the courage to tangle within my hair, pulling at the roots as his control starts to teeter the line between under and out.

It's easy to tell when Edward is about to come, his cock twitches and stills before pulsing and emptying down my throat or against my tongue. I want to say he's delicious, I really do, but I only swallow because I know he likes when I do it.

High from his climax, he yanks me up to straddle his waist and then we're kissing.

We declare unsaid I love yous with soft kisses and gentle caresses. His hands rub up and down my back with his arms holding me against his chest as close as possible. I feel his heart racing under my own, rapid beats that pump sizzling hot blood beneath electric buzzing flesh.

"You're amazing," I say into his shoulder.

I feel his lips smile against the side of my neck as he snorts, "Shut up, _you're_ amazing." He turns us so that he hovers above me, eyes warm and watchful as he slowly lowers his weight onto me. "Every inch of you, Bella." He smiles with a slight shake of his head.

My fingers gather the hair that's grown longer in the past few months, finally able to nearly have a handful. He leans into my hand and kisses the inside of my wrist. "I mean it."

I sigh and feather my fingertips down the side of his face. "I know you do."

His eyes never leave mine as he kisses me firmly but tenderly on the lips. His mouth moves over mine slowly, and I find myself pushing forward into a kiss that starts a push and pull between us until he draws away, taking my bottom lip with him between his teeth. I don't even realize I'm rocking my pussy against his semi until he thrusts forward in response, causing my eyes to roll back as he circles two fingers onto just the right spot between my thighs.

"Edward…" I whimper with one arm around his neck and the other clutching the pillow behind my head. We kiss and tease until he's finally hard enough to slide into me until his hips touch mine and I start to pant heavily.

He stays still, staring down into my eyes as I gaze up at him, and with one look we both say the exact same thing: _I love you_. Sweat builds between us while he slowly moves in and out, hands pressed to the bed on either side of my head. I feel a strong link form from his eyes to mine and together we make our way toward climax.

He's heavy with muscle and weight and anchors my lithe body to the bed so that I can't follow that ultimate high up into the clouds. I feel so precious in his arms, so loved and desired, while I watch his jaw tense and his arms flex and his slow pace pick up into faster thrusts. I am so fucking close to coming that I feel like a rubber band that's about to snap. Our energy collects and builds up until it collides into a burst of euphoria that steals our breaths, our hearts, our mere existences.

And yet we're still unsatisfied, still unable to stop touching and thrusting and kissing. He steals the breath from right out of my lungs, and in return I take the last bit of his willpower. I feel triumphant as he shivers and shudders and trembles above me, hips driving into mine as he empties inside of me, giving everything as I give him every bit of me.

And it's at that precise moment, mouths open and eyes wide as we simultaneously come, that my laptop slips off the side of the bed and crashes to the floor.

-x-

They call this post-coital bliss—a feeling of absolute comfort and satisfaction, the ultimate happy place. I love that during this time, Edward lets his entire guard down with me, too spent perhaps to pull it back up.

"Don't move," I chastise him playfully with a pinch to his side.

He's naked but for a pair of black briefs that cover a part of him too enticing to leave out in the open. If I see it, I will want to touch it—maybe lick it. I'm bare except for the black and silver cheeky boy-shorts. He has an arm around me, his hand placed over my left cheek where he's left his mark. His fingers lightly caress the skin back and forth while I work on his chest with felt-tip markers.

"I wasn't moving." He laughs through his nose.

My teeth pull my bottom lip into my mouth. "Almost done."

Sprawled over him like a blanket, I do the finishing touches on a koi fish I've spread over his right shoulder. It looks super hot, and I wonder what it would look like if it were permanently placed there forever.

"Feels good." He sighs and pats my butt playfully.

"Looks good, too." I smirk without looking up from what I'm doing. He tries to peek, but I gently push his head back down to his pillow. "I'm not done yet," I tell him.

"Bossy." He squeezes my ass cheek in his hand. "I like it."

I snicker into his chest and switch my green pen for red and blue for yellow. I love that he's letting me do this, like he's my blank canvas to do with as I please. When I finish, I take a black Sharpie marker and move to the place where his heart beats.

His eyes watch me closely as I curl the letters like calligraphy and write _I love you_.

When I'm finished, we stare at each other for a few silence seconds where it feels like we're the only two people in the entire universe. Then he says softly, "C'mere." And I lean forward so that our lips touch.

"Say it," he whispers against my mouth.

"I love you," I answer him without hesitation. We kiss again, his tongue moving with mine and making my body heat up like I'm on fire. "Say it," I say to him next.

"Oh, baby," he growls and flips us over so that he's on top of me, staring down into my eyes. "I love you so fucking much it hurts."

My hands lift to his face and I pull him down to me. Lips soft and wet, tongues hot and slick. Skin on skin, smooth and rough—muscles like stone, curves like the road to Hana, Maui. My heart pounds against his, my arms and legs wrapped around him as if he'll fly away if I let go. I don't ever want to be without him—I can't even think about it. Is it like this for everyone who falls in love? Or is it just us? Just him and me; me and Edward.

I feel him, I know him inside and out. I feel pain when he hurts, anger when he's upset, protective when he's vulnerable. My hands pull his face down to my chest and I hold him to me close. His weight anchors me down so that I don't float away on a cloud—one that I don't ever want to come down from.

"I love you," I whisper.

"Love you," he says in return as he kisses the top of my breast.

-x-

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

**Message from** _Emmett McCarty_ **to **_Jasper Whitlock._

**Emmett McCarty **sup, yo

**Jasper Whitlock** sup

**Emmett McCarty **everything ok?

**Jasper Whitlock** sure

**Emmett McCarty **be serious, J

**Jasper Whitlock** I'm going out of my fucking mind and I don't know what to do

**Emmett McCarty** did you talk to her?

**Jasper Whitlock **she's making me choose sides

**Emmett McCarty** are you going to?

**Jasper Whitlock **do I have a choice?

**Emmett McCarty** sorry, Jas

**Jasper Whitlock** happens all the time, right?

**Emmett McCarty **I guess

**Jasper Whitlock **can I stay over again tonight? I can't handle it in this house.

**Emmett McCarty** Jas, you're always welcome to stay here, bro. If I could I would trade you for my little brother.

**Jasper Whitlock **lol on my way

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

**Message from** _Chelsea Salvatore _**to**_ Makenna Levine_.

**Chelsea Salvatore** hey girl!

**Makenna Levine** hey! What's up?

**Chelsea Salvatore** not much. So, I was wondering if you're free next weekend?

**Makenna Levine** um, I think so? I'll have to check with the boy.

**Chelsea Salvatore** well, I was hoping you'd come to Forks and help us celebrate Bella's bday?

**Chelsea Salvatore** I hear you two are like besties now, right? We totally need you to convince Bella to bring her ass to her own party.

**Makenna Levine** she won't go?

**Chelsea Salvatore** you know how she is

**Makenna Levine** lol yeah

**Chelsea Salvatore** damn girl needs to open up and live a little. These are the days of getting drunk and partying like a rock star.

**Makenna Levine** I thought that was in college?

**Chelsea Salvatore** there, too.

**Makenna Levine** LOL!

**Chelsea Salvatore **so are you in?

**Makenna Levine** sure, why not?

**Chelsea Salvatore** yay! Can you get Cullen to come? I know that's a deal breaker for Bella if he won't go.

**Makenna Levine** well, what about Royce? They're kind if a package deal.

**Chelsea Salvatore **bring him, too!

**Makenna Levine** I'll see what I can do. ;)

**Chelsea Salvatore** yay! Keep me posted!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

**Message from** _Bella Swan _**to **_Royce King._

**Bella Swan** How do I contact Carlisle?

**Royce King** You don't. That's one fight to stay the hell away from.

**Bella Swan** He needs him, Royce.

**Royce King** He needs YOU, doll.

**Bella Swan** Somehow that doesn't seem to be enough.

**Royce King **Trust me. It is.

-x-

_Practice was amazing today_, I think as I stare back at my squad with a giant grin plastered across my flushed face. We kicked ass on that last dance number, and I'm so damn proud of the progress everyone has made. We're ready. I can feel it.

Tia's balance has improved tremendously since the beginning of this year—switching Liam with Mike was a good call. Kate and Liam are a good fit, she's better with Mike, but Mike can make anyone look great up there. His upper body strength is phenomenal, and his hand-eye coordination almost inhuman. I've yet to see Tia fall once since I paired the two of them. With the newfound confidence in her balance, Tia is able to be one of the best flyers on the team.

Irina. She's always been graceful, but sometimes her perfection comes off as stiff and robotic. I know the judges like that shit—perfect precision and giant fake smiles. I would rather our smiles be real and our choreography fluid and in tune. As long as everyone moved to the same beat, I knew we could find a rhythm amongst each other.

We found our rhythm and more.

It's everything corny and cute—friendship, confidence, discipline, and compromise. I've worked individually with each one of them at one time or another. I see their strengths and weaknesses. They do the same for me. I'm not perfect—nowhere near it. I just do my best.

Jessica has surprised me so much, and as much as I really fucking hate to say it, she's okay. As a cheerleader, a co-captain—hell, maybe even a friend. I smile at Chelsea, who winks in return. She's always been one of the best dancers and this year she's stepped it up even higher. Her ideas in our dance routine will give us an edge in the competition. She's been dancing all her life in nearly every genre. I swear one day I'll turn on MTV and see her giving everything she's got as a backup dancer to some insanely popular musician.

"Okay ladies—and gentleman." I bow my head at the guys. "Nationals is in the second weekend in April."

Jessica steps forward from behind me to address the group. "So set your calendars, confirm your hotel stay, car rentals, and whatever else." She looks at me and I give her a slight nod to continue anything else she has to say. "We'll have maybe two or three more practices until then. I know we pretty much know the routines and cheers front and back, but we want you guys to be absolutely sure you're ready for Nationals."

A few people nod their heads as others roll their eyes dramatically and cover their mouths to hold back giggles. They're more than prepared for the competition. Kate gives us a thumbs-up and suddenly everyone is hooting and hollering and clapping with laughter.

"With that said…" I let my voice trail off and take a deep breath while they settle down. "I just want to tell you guys how proud I am to be a part of this team. You guys are so ready for this; you've worked your asses off for it. So… thanks, I guess. For being pretty damn awesome teammates. Go, Spartans!" I shout and an uproar starts all over again.

"Go, Bella!" Kate calls out through cupped hands, and the next thing I know everyone is rushing at me.

I scream and laugh as Mike takes one of my legs and Liam takes the other before they lift me high up into the air. They're cheering for Forks, for themselves, and for me. It's really weird being up here and staring down at all their happy faces.

As joyful and excited as I am, I feel a pinprick in my heart that wonders if I could have had this all along. Was I really so stuck up as to shut everyone out, thinking I wasn't good enough? Did I hide behind Rosalie? The boys start to bounce me on their shoulders and I yelp in surprise. We all walk back to the locker rooms like this and I feel like a giant.

I want to shout, "_Bow down, minions!_" But I'm pretty sure I'd get looked at really weirdly. Wow, I guess being at the top really does go to your head. I tap the boys' shoulders to tell them I want down, and as they do so they both decide to tickle my sides and make me scream and cry and beg for them to stop.

I think I might have peed my pants a little bit.

-x-

I love that feeling I get when I finally get home after a long-ass day. When I'm there in my car and I take that long, deep breath of relief, the tension leaves my taut muscles, my head suddenly isn't so filled with everything I did, need to do, or will do tomorrow. I'm home, and it feels great.

I love it.

It's actually a bit bittersweet if I think about it. Who knows how many more days I have like this before school's out and life begins. With that in mind, my comfort zone shatters into a thousand pieces. I groan and push open my car door and, just as I always do, I walk down to the mailbox at the end of the driveway and collect the mail.

It's jammed with so much shit I don't even have to pull the flap up; I just pull it all out, little by little. It's funny how opposite my mail is from my dad's. I have things like _CosmoGirl_, _American Cheerleader_, _Entertainment Weekly_, and _EastBay_ and _Sephora_ catalogs. Dad's mail consists of _Field & Stream_, _Guns & Ammo_, _Sports Illustrated_, and bills.

I laugh as I shove it all into my arm, but pause when I pull out a large yellow envelope about half an inch thick. My hands immediately begin to shake, making me drop a few magazines to the floor. My eyes dart to the upper left corner of the package and a gasp shoots out past my lips.

It's from Vassar.

I drop a few more bills and catalogues to the ground. Vassar is my first choice school, and it's here in my hands. They say big envelopes are good, but who the fuck really knows, right? What if it's a brochure with a letter telling me to try again next year?

I drop down to gather everything back up into my arms and sift through the junk mail to see if I have anything else.

I do.

Two more letters—Washington State and Florida State—but they're not the same size as the one from Vassar.

What the hell do I do with this? Do I open it now? Later? What will I do if I got in? What will I do if I didn't?

It feels like I have a ticking bomb in my hand and it grows heavier and heavier by the second—closer to detonation.

_Tick… tick… tick… _

"_**Bella!**_" A shout from behind me is the final thing that makes my nerves snap.

I scream and drop everything I have in my arms to the floor. Quick steps rush up the drive to where I stand a shaky mess. Firm hands on my waist that shift me around to face Edward, whose eyes search mine with concern.

I play it off with a nervous laugh and avoid his eyes, gulping down the bile in my throat. Tomorrow is his birthday, and I don't want to tell him about Vassar until afterward. I don't want him upset.

"No!" I cry as he bends down to pick up my fallen letters and magazines.

Quickly, I take everything from his hands and rush toward the house. I fumble with my keys so much that Edward has to take them out of my hands and open the door for me. At the turn of the lock and twist of the handle, I burst in before he can and dump everything onto the couch. I'm so fucking obvious, but I can't help it because I'm freaking the fuck out right now.

_Get it together, bitch! _I scold myself harshly before I take a deep breath and slap a game face on. _It's just a letter. It's just a letter. It's just a letter_. _It means nothing until I've made a decision_.

"What's wrong?" He takes my hand and brings it to his chest. "Talk to me, Bella. What happened?"

"Nothing," I lie with a clear voice. "I was just startled is all. I was reading inside one of the magazines, I guess I zoned out." _Fake laugh—aaaand_, _okay, now smile at him_.

He's wearing his favorite black Orioles hat, brim pulled down to hide his face, but for me he pushes it up to stare into my eyes. "It's just one night," he says and lowers his height so that I can't avoid his gaze. "Jake will be there in case Royce and I get carried away."

I blink a few times before it hits me that he thinks I'm worried about tonight, about him and the guys getting drunk and stupid all the way up until midnight when he's finally eighteen. Roy and Jake have been legal since this past summer, but Edward is just now celebrating his milestone. As I realize this, a whole new wave of concern washes over me.

"Please don't do anything stupid," I beg him. My hands lift to his face and pull his forehead to mine. "Come back in one piece to me, please?"

He chuckles at this and kisses my mouth tenderly. "You should be more specific. One piece doesn't necessarily—"

"Arrive alive, Mr. Cullen," I chide him in a stern tone.

Staring into his eyes, I think up all kinds of crazy shit he could possibly get into tonight, and praying the night goes by smoothly. My throat feels tight. The letter on the couch weighs heavily on my conscience alongside the worry of him ending up in jail tonight. I need to chill out.

"I won't go if you don't want me to," he mumbles softly against my cheek, pressing his lips there. "I can stay here with you."

My arms wrap around his neck. "Just come back to me when you're done. I don't care what time it is."

His nose skims down the side of my face and into the crook of my neck. "What if it's four in the morning?"

His breath on my skin makes me shiver. "I don't care."

"What if I'm drunk and stumbling?" His kiss causes another shiver.

I groan and shut my eyes. "I don't care."

Then he chuckles and the vibration buzzes from his chest to mine. "What if I'm incapacitated and you have to carry me up the stairs?"

I roll my eyes and slide my hands up the back of his hoodie until I touch skin. "Then you better make sure you stay somewhat coherent tonight." My lips move to his ear so I can whisper, "Or you won't get to enjoy unwrapping your present."

_**BEEP! BEEP!**_

"Get your ass out here, Cullen!" Royce shouts from outside as Jake revs his engine obnoxiously. "Come on, Bella! You get him all day tomorrow!"

My arms squeeze Edward tighter to me. "Okay, okay, okaaay," I whine as he rocks me back and forth with him. "Kiss." I pull back and he kisses me twice.

"Come on," he says, turning around so I can jump on his back. We walk outside together and down the steps toward Jake's idling Mustang.

"I want him back at a reasonable hour, Mr. Black," I tease after sliding down Edward's back and onto my feet.

Edward links our fingers so he can kiss the back of my hand. "Two at the latest." His words are muffled against my knuckles.

"Fuck _that_," Royce spits with a grimace. "Three."

I glare at him and he shrugs. "Chill out, doll. It's _one _night out with the boys." His eyes sparkle with mischief and excitement.

I haven't seen Royce look so happy since… _ever_.

"Relax, Bella." Jake rolls his eyes. "I doubt the shit they used to do even excites them anymore."

Royce snorts. "What do you know, Jay? You've always been the choirboy of this trio. I doubt you even know all the shit we used to do."

"I know more than I want, trust me." Jake laughs and he and Royce bump fists.

"No drugs." I point at Royce and then look to Edward. "I know you're gonna smoke, but please don't do anything else."

"I don't do that anymore," Edward replies and bites down on my thumb with his teeth. "We're just gonna chill at…" He trails off and turns to Royce and Jake. "Aye, where the hell we goin' anyway?"

His hand pulls me into his side so he can sneak his arm around my waist. I grasp onto his hoodie and bury my nose in it.

_So good_.

"Don't matter, get in the car." Royce pats the outside of the car door.

Edward shrugs and plants a final kiss onto my lips before he yanks open the door and makes Royce get in the back. He looks happy to be out with his friends and I can't be mad at that. I trust him, I trust Jake, and I trust Royce—not that I will ever admit that out loud.

I stand at end of my lawn and wave as they pull away from the curb and Jake zips off down the road going way faster than is necessary. Once they're out of sight, I have no choice but to walk back inside the house and pick up the mail from the couch.

Slowly, I make my way up to my room and drop all my stuff down onto my computer desk—except for the package from Vassar, that I hold in both hands and stare down at as if I have X-ray vision. I don't know why I just don't open it and look. Looking is not deciding—hell, I probably didn't even get in. Thick envelopes don't automatically mean I got in.

I start to slide a hand back and forth over the surface with closed eyes and thoughts running wild through my mind. What do I do if I got in? I want to go there, but how will I be able to afford it? Could I really move across the country? Would Edward come with me? Is it even in the cards for me to go to Vassar? What if I'm meant to go to a different school and I choose the wrong one?

The envelope shakes in my hands, taunting me to rip it open and view my fate. No matter how many times I tell myself it means nothing, I know that's not true. If it says I'm in, I want to go. I don't know what that will mean for Edward and me, and that alone makes me crazy with nerves. But if it says _no_, I'll feel like a total loser and I'll know that I'm supposed to stay here in Washington.

I applied to so many colleges, but I know myself. I won't go to Florida, it's way too humid, and my mom will expect me to move in with her. North Carolina is tempting, but I just don't _see _myself there. Not like I do with Vassar. So that leaves me with West Coast Universities like Washington, Berkeley, and Colorado.

But none of them mean anything if it means Edward won't come with me. He hasn't applied anywhere, and I hate that he didn't. I hate how negative he is about this stuff. He doesn't even _try,_ and he gets upset if I ask about it.

But now here it is staring me in the face, demanding that I not push it to the side any longer.

So, do I go?

Or do I stay?

It's not about Vassar anymore—not right now, anyway—it's about my future with Edward. Would he be willing to relocate from La Push to wherever I decide to go? Or do I stay close by and play it safe? Rose will come back to Forks eventually, so do I really want to miss out on the belly bean's first few years of life?

_Fuck!_ I feel like my head is going to explode. I can't do this. Not now! Why must it be so fucking complicated?

My emotions are all over the place, and I feel like I want to cry or puke or pass out.

My phone beeps and the sound startles me enough to cry out in alarm. One glance at the screen tells me it's from Edward. I can't deal with college right now, so I drop it onto the table and hide it beneath a bunch of magazines and schoolbooks. There, it's gone—for the time being that is.

**I can't wait to unwrap my present later ;) –E**

Edward's text brings a very welcome smile to my face. I feel exhausted and crawl onto my bed. It's been a long damn day; I need a nap.

_I can't wait to be unwrapped :) –B_

I really can't.

-x-

_Just a little thing_

_Buried in the other things_

_Burning away, from inside_

_Could you be with me tonight?_

_There's a quiet dream_

_I'm not supposed to think_

_I know I shouldn't_

_Eating away at my mind_

_Could you be with me tonight?_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Littlething_ by _Jimmy Eat World_.

**TK FIC REC:** The Warf by MandyLeigh.

**I will not pull TSB unless FF does.**

**If this happens, I also post at: theslowestburn. wordpress. com**

My twitter: Typokween


	33. Love You Madly

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would be bffs with Kristen and this shit wouldn't have happened because I would have insinuated myself into nearly every aspect of her life. That sounded creepy, so I guess it's a good thing I don't own Twilight. Shit happens, don't hate.

THANK YOUS—_Jess: You never have to do a damn thing to get credited._ _DarlingSaila: You still belong up here even if you didn't beta this chapter. Love you all the same. TwiAddictShweta: Thank you for looking over my mess of a chapter! You are a brave, brave woman! EVERYONE: What can I say? You rock the boat so hard I get seasick. Thank you for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you stink—because you da shit._

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ your drunk boyfriend is hiding in your closet and your dad is two feet away.

**Ch. 33**: _Love You Madly_

It feels good outside today. The sun is actually out in the open and it warms my skin in the most heavenly ways. The sky is a beautiful blue that I can't stop staring at because I never see it in this color hardly ever. It's usually filled with dark gray clouds or a speckle of bright white from the hidden sun. I hit the button on my side door and stick my arm outside so that I can feel the cool breeze that flitters between the green life that covers Forks like a blanket.

I love that sound. The wind through the trees, the scuttle of the leaves and the sway of the branches. It's soothing and it reminds me of when I was little and my mom would rake the leaves on my grandmother's lawn into one giant pile and then tell me to jump on it. The memory makes me smile and I set my head back on my seat and sigh with a quick glance at my phone for the time.

Ten more minutes. It feels like I've been waiting in the parking lot of the Senior Community Center for ages. Edward's been stacking up the hours for the past few weeks at this place, I'm pretty sure he's past his allocated quota. He can be a total sweetheart when he wants to be.

However, as sweet as it is, I want these last ten minutes to fly by so we can go. Edward's car is at Jake's uncle's shop to fix a tiny scrape on the passenger side door. A dent that came from another car parking too close. I thought he was going to have a brain aneurism when we walked outside and I pointed it out.

I literally had to sit him down and distract him with kisses in order to calm him down. He was ready to go on a manhunt for the unidentified silver painted vehicle that had dinged him. He loves that damn Impala way too much than is normal, I think. Then again, Royce and Jake are the same way with their 'babies.' I think it's hilarious that they refer to their cars as if they were a living person, a girl to be more specific.

Sometimes after Edward has just finished polishing the Impala he'll heave a deep sigh, pull me to his side and say, "My two beautiful girls. My baby—"he'll pat his car hood, "—and my _baby_." He'll pat my ass. Is it weird that I'm actually sort of jealous of his car?

Stupid Impala.

Bored, I unlock the screen on my iPhone and pull up my pictures. I still can't believe Royce documented their boys night out with incriminating & hilarious photos. Ones that I will keep forever and use as blackmail when I see fit. It wasn't just Royce sending me pictures that night, though. Jake and Edward did, too.

The first picture I pull up is Edward smirking at the camera while Jake makes a hilarious face behind him. Gosh they were so wasted, even Jake. Makenna ended up taking everyone home, poor thing. I decide to open my group texts from the boys and laugh as I go.

The first text is from Royce: **Your birthday boy at the Outback Steakhouse**. Attached is a picture of Edward stuffing his face and looking up in surprise. I can just imagine what he did afterward, probably bodily harm.

Next is a text from Jake: **Two dorks on a boat**. Royce and Edward posing like bad asses on a speed boat, the wind blowing their hair back. God, my boy looks so damn hot in his one. Happy and carefree, he hardly ever looks that relaxed.

Then Royce again a few minutes afterward: **We probably should have eaten AFTER the boat ride**. The image is ofall three of them sitting at the back of the boat looking sick and I think Royce is about to barf.

I laugh at the next text—which came about 20 minutes later from Royce. **Captain Jack Sparrow? Nah, just your boy Cullen driving the boat like a boss**. Edward is steering the speed boat with a pair of sunglasses and his head tilted back like he owns the place.I make a mental note to call him Skipper the next time I see him in front of the boys.

Later that night, from Jake: **Chicka chicka ye-ah! Fake IDs yeah! **They all hold up their very legit looking fake IDs. I shouldn't be surprised by this, but I am. Royce looks like a serial killer in his picture. I snort into a hand and flip to the next message.

Finally, one from Edward: **They forced me!**Edward sits in front of a line of four tequila shots while shooting back a fifth.I grimace and can almost feel the burn in my belly.

It wasn't long after when Royce texted: **Bromance**_. _Followed by an image of Edward's drunk ass kissing Jake's face while poor Jake squints his eyes and wrinkles his nose as he makes a monster-like face. Teeth bared and all. He looks almost like a werewolf.

An hour or so later, I get this from Royce: **WWF!**And Jake has both Edward and Royce in a headlock under each arm. I wonder who took the picture, they all look so stupid but I laugh every time I see it. It's actually my screensaver on my laptop at home.

My favorite from that night was from Edward: **I love you**_. _He sent a snapshot of salt shakers lined up in the shape of a heart.

Of course, Royce had to tease him afterward: **Cullen after I call him a pussy for sending you that pic**_. _The picture is of Edward guzzling a beer and flipping off the 's my phone wallpaper.

Jake's text much later makes me laugh out loud all over again. **Bromance**_. _The picture is of a drunk Royce kissing Edward's face while Edward makes a disgusted face. That's mylock screen photo. I see it whenever I want to check the time on my phone. I love it!

Oh, Lord. I groan when I get to the last picture in my timeline from Royce: **Time for Cullen to become a man**_. _Edward is inside a tattoo parlor on his stomach while "Cullen" is inked into the back of his shoulder blades.

I still can't believe Edward got that tattooed across his back. He's not even talk to Carlisle, but I guess it doesn't matter. Carlisle was/is still a major part of Edward's life. Besides, it looks sexy as hell, but lord have mercy that was drastic. At least he didn't get anything too stupid—like my name. Is it scary that for a split second I was actually terrified that he got my name tattooed on his body? Most girls would be excited or flattered about something like that, right?

Not me. Sometimes I worry about our dependency on each other. It's like I can't breathe sometimes unless I'm with him or touching him or even hearing his voice. That can't be normal. Can it? I'll have to ask Makenna about that, she's the only one in my circle of friends I trust that I could ask. I suppose there is Kate, but she's been with Pete since the eighth grade. Mak knows what I'm going through, she's with Jake—an extension of Edward.

The rest of Edward's 'boy's night' was more drinking and smoking and I think perhaps a strip club. At first I was upset about the idea of my boyfriend in a room full of naked chicks who can do things that I never can even imagine to do. There is a video of a woman shooting a ping pong ball out of her fucking vagina. Who _does _that?! Not me. Hell to the no—_never_.

But it was 'boys night' and it was his birthday, so I kept my cool. It also really helped that Edward texted me the entire time about how much sexier I was than the fake titted hoes on the poles. That's actually what his text said: _u r so much more sexier than these fake tited hoes on poles. _

To which I replied with: _where the fuck are you?_

He responded with: _Centerfolds?_

And thus started the most ridiculous text session ever on the planet.

Me: _I will centerfold your dick, Edward! I can't believe you!_

Edward: _WTF did my dick ever do 2 u? Leave him out of this!_

Me: _You brought him with you to that filthy strip club. Therefore he is guilty by association! _

Edward: _Oh great! Now u scared him! He will never come out again. Happy now? You'll never orgasm again. _

Me: _You mean YOU will never get off again. *I* can still use your hands and mouth. :P_

Edward: _How? Tell me in detail._

Me: _why don't you come over and I'll SHOW you?_

Edward: _Oh I plan to, but first you have to tell me so I'll know what I'm doing. _

Me: _it was never a problem before…_

Edward: _u have no idea…_

Me: _maybe if I apologize to your fuck pistol he'll want to come out and play, too?_

Edward: MY WHAT?!

Edward: _that is the gayest thing you could ever call him!_

Edward: _how dare you. _

Me: _What? That's what I call him sometimes._

Edward: _u will never call him that again. End of story. _

Me: _you cannot tell me what I can and cannot call him. _

Edward: _Uh yes I can. He's MY dick._

Me: _HA! That's so cute. You're adorable. _

Me: _But no. _

Me: _He belongs to ME. _

Edward: _fuck that was actually kinda hot just now._

Me: _I can show you hotter._

Me: _IF you come over…_

This is where Royce cut in with his own text: _STOP TEXTING CULLEN!_

Me (to Royce): _STOP taking my boyfriend to strip clubs!_

Me (to Edward): _You are such a snitch! Royce is texting me to leave you alone! _

Edward: _I didn't snitch. All I said was to drop me off at your house._

Royce was quick to text me back: _I am confiscating his phone now. He'll be delivered to you at 3. _

Me (to Royce): _3 AM?! Are you kidding me? No way! 2 AM or I drive down there myself and get him_.

Me (to Royce): _BTW nice use of autocorrect. Confiscating. You nerd!_

Royce: 2:45

Royce: BTW ur a snob.

Me: 2 AM.

Me: BTW you're a douche.

Royce: 2:30

Royce: BTW ur bossy.

Me: 2.

Me: A.

Me: M.

Royce: FINE!

Royce: BTW ur a pain in my ass.

Me: Thank you. :)

Edward arrived at my house at 2:11—Royce is so petty—and it was one of the most nerve wracking experiences. Not only was my boyfriend drunk, but he was horny. Really, _really_ fucking horny. I thought I was going to have to knee him in order to get him up the stairs to my room. From the moment he stumbled out of Jake's Mustang to the very second he slammed my bedroom door shut, he was all over me.

My dad—of course—was up and out of bed rushing across the hall toward my room. I heard his feet stomping before he got to the door and I literally shoved Edward into my closet. His incoherent ass was still pawing at me while I was trying to hide him. When my dad stormed inside I had to come up with a believable story really fast. I told him that I went downstairs for water because I woke up with really bad cramps and needed to take a Motrin. I accidentally slammed the door behind me.

Bingo. A sure fire way to get any dad to back down is to play the period card. I even grabbed my stomach and grimaced. Then I asked if there were any tampons left in the bathroom—to which he sputtered and refused to check on. He said, and I quote: "_That's your woman… thing. I'm unequipped._" He went straight back to bed after that.

And I was left with my half asleep boyfriend. I don't know what I was thinking asking him to come over, how was he supposed to get back home before morning? Good one, Bella. He pouted childishly afterward for being shut into a closet. A little secret about my dear lover; he is a needy drunk. With me, that is. If it's just the two of us, he's like a giant bulldog with deep dependency issues. He fell onto my bed straight out of the closet—_ha!_—and brought me down with him so that he could roll onto me as if I were a body pillow.

"_Let me see_." I brushed my fingers over the backs of his shoulders where his Cullen tattoo would be. I winced when I pressed too hard, but he was too drunk to really feel it. I giggled anyway.

"_Later, baby. I want you now," _he hummed into my neck.

I shivered at his words.

"_You know I love you, right?" _His hands felt like they were everywhere_. _"_So fucking much. I know it's not normal and I don't care. I don't even care, Bella._" He pressed his cheek to my chest, listening to my heart.

I held him to me and closed my eyes, hearing his words and knowing that every single one of them was the truth. No secrets, no walls to scale, no pride or stubbornness to break through. I wish it was always like this.

"_I love you, too." _I brushed my fingers up and down the back of his neck. _"I would do anything for you."_

"_Anything_," he exhaled into my skin with a kiss that trailed up my throat.

"_You're… everything_." I was losing myself bit by bit.

"_Everything."_ He kissed his way up my throat to my eyelids and down the bridge of my nose.

I knew it was wrong, but I was going to do it anyway. I was going to get him to tell me about Carlisle. He was distracted, lips on my face—my neck—my mouth—my knees drew up around him and I hugged him closer to me.

"_What's going on with you and Carlisle?" _I asked outright.

He groaned. "_He went through my shit. He's acting all suspect and then I find out he talks to Aro?_" A grimace took over his face when he pulled away from me. "_I trusted him and he lied to me. It's not even about that._" He huffed and rolled onto his back. "_It's about…" _he trailed off.

I leaned onto my side and caressed his cheek. "_Tell me_."

"_He…_ left." His face scrunched up into a cringe before he turned away from me. "_I know what I did was fucked up, but he just walked away without saying shit to me. I wasn't expecting that_." He snorted bitterly. "_Guess you never really know someone, huh?_"

When his eyes met mine again I felt a tightness in my chest that almost choked me. _"But you'll stay with me, yeah?" _He feathered his knuckles down the side of my face with hopeful eyes and an expression of such raw emotion. _"I know you got college and shit, but—but you wont leave me behind, right?"_

I grabbed onto his hand tightly. "_Of course not, Edward. I told you I would _never _leave you. I love you." _I kissed his lips, his nose, his eyelids, his cheeks… everywhere until his shirt was pulled over his head and I stopped to gasp.

"_Edward?_" I asked timidly. My hand lifted to trace the clear strip of plastic pasted onto his chest above his left pectoral—over his heart. _I love you_, was written in black ink. The calligraphy was familiar, so I pushed him onto his back and in the moonlight I saw closer that it was _my _curly lettering from a few days before.

"_How…_" I shook my head in disbelief.

He chuckled. "_I had to tape it up when I showered. Good thing you used a Sharpie_."

I cried. Like a friggin baby.

"_Aw, baby, no_." He pulled me to him tightly. "_Don't cry pretty girl, it breaks my heart_."

"_That is the most romantic and sweet and… and… I love you!_" I threw myself at him. "_I want one_." I managed to say between kisses.

He grinned. "_Where_." His hands rubbed down my back to cup my ass.

I giggled softly and pressed myself into him. "_I don't care_."

He then started to kiss me in places he thought would be good places to get inked.

None of those places were ones I'd want visible to the public.

-x-

There he is.

Seeing him brings me out of my memory and back into the present. It's like a scene from a movie, his cool swagger, sun lighting his hair up like fire and panty dropping smirk in place. His black Orioles hat with the threaded white 'O' placed loosely at the very top of his head, crooked to the right so that the bill curves down over his brow. He has a clean white undershirt on and his black hoodie draped over a shoulder, dark blue jeans and tan Timberlands.

I can tell that these extra hours he's been putting into the senior center are starting to take their toll on him. He looks tired, green eyes glossy and tinted pink around the irises. When he lifts his gaze from his phone to mine, it literally feels like fireworks beneath my skin. Small tingly explosions all over my body and crazy butterflies in my stomach.

All of a sudden, I'm out of my car and sprinting across the parking lot until I'm close enough to fling myself into his arms. He pauses and quickly bares down on his feet to take the weight of my attack, a huge grin spreads across his face as I pepper him all over with kisses.

"What was that for?" He laughs softly and sets me back down.

I shrug meekly and curl my fingers in the front of his shirt. "I missed you."

His eyes widen a bit and then he leans in to give me a deep kiss, one that I lose myself in for who knows how long. When he pulls away our mouths make a slick popping sound and I bite my bottom lip while he whispers, "Miss me more often."

Instinctively my hand moves up to where my "I love you" is tattooed on his skin for life.

"Never stop," I whisper to him.

-x-

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "_The only thing we have to fear is fear itself._"

The interpretations of this famous quote vary from inspirational to ominous. It's all about how it's used. I wonder if our 32nd president of the United States of America knew how much one phrase from his inauguration speech would mean in the future. I read somewhere that although a guy by the name of Raymond Moley wrote the majority of Roosevelt's speech, he was not credited for the fear itself line.

See, this is the type of little shit facts I spent most of my days reading about when I had no friends. I kind of miss it, but mostly I don't. It's severely embarrassing to blurt out random details during a conversation like I was a female Sheldon Cooper.

But I digress, which I suppose was on purpose because I'm currently avoiding the inevitable that lies on my computer desk five feet away. I feel like they're taunting me to open them. _Open us! We won't hurt you! _Yeah, just a few innocent envelopes that will change everything I have ever known.

My future—my _life_.

I'm terrified. I'm _fearful_. I'm trying to talk myself down from a metaphorical ledge. One that I am teetering on with unsteady balance and shaky knees. I've been here before—many times in fact. But it's never been like this, it's never meant so much. I jumped into my relationship with Edward, taking the dangerous route with my heart all in it. I'm not quite sure jumping into anything right now concerning my future is the best thing for me. It takes planning, precision, discussion and loads of research in order for me to make an informed decision. Fuck _me_, this is intimidating.

_Fear_.

I circle back to Roosevelt now and his famous words are on repeat inside of my head. The whole of that speech was pretty moving, but I just remember that one part mostly: "…_nothing to fear but fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes…"_

I am paralyzed with the very idea of getting into Vassar and leaving Forks. Does this mean I'd be leaving Edward behind, too? I would _love _for him to come with me, but I know he won't. He's so prideful and stubborn and close minded about anything and everything in his life. I don't know how to break through that hard barrier he has surrounding his self-worth.

And it's not just Edward I'm worried about, either. It's Rosalie, and the little belly bean, and dad. How can I leave knowing that my _best friend _will be stuck here raising a kid on her own? Regardless if Royce is there or not, isn't it my job to be there for her? What kind of person just packs up and leaves in her friend's most important time of need? I'm going to miss the belly bean's first word, first step, first tooth—the first dirty diaper that I _have _to see Rosalie change with her bare hands!

Ugh, and my dad—my poor Hungry-Man eating papa will go straight back to freezer dinners and beer without me to make sure he eats anything healthy. Who is going to watch Deadliest Catch with him on Tuesday nights? Who is going to remind him that it is _not _okay to leave his gun cleaning supplies all over the kitchen table?

How the hell do I do the "right thing" when I don't even know what it is? I need my mom, because calling Rosalie is not an option and Edward is stressed out enough with his mom, Aro and Carlisle. Sometimes a girl just needs to hear her mom tell her to knock it off and get it together. Or—if she's in a loving mood—tell her that everything is going to work out and to just relax and enjoy the ride.

After demanding from Suri to "call mom" I inch my way over to my desk and grab the stack of letters that's been piling up for the past two weeks. I almost literally applied to every university in the United States.

I know I got into Vassar. I'm not dumb, it's right here in my hand and I feel it in my gut that it's good news. There are four other letters that I haven't opened yet—and three that I have because they were schools from Arizona, North Carolina, and Florida that didn't mean much, yet I got into all three of those.

The unopened four are: Vassar, UCLA, Boston, and Columbia.

"_Hello?"_ Mom's voice finally picks up.

"Mom!" I cry happily. "I'm so glad to hear yo—"

"_Gotcha! I'm on a cruise, baby! Leave me a message and when I'm not lounging by the pool sipping a Mai Tai, I'll call you back!"_

I frown at my mom's attempt as a practical joke. I hate when people do that to their voicemail. It drives me _crazy!_

"Arrrgh!" I growl and disconnect. "Freaking brat!" I shout and then toss my phone on my bed before falling face first down into my pillows.

This is my life ladies and gentlemen. A constant strings of mishaps and teenage drama. I wonder if life will always be like this, I'm still waiting for this "phase" to fade out. I also need to stop reading _Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul_, compliments of my mother.

"Knock, knock." Dad peeks his head inside my room before he cautiously makes his way in. "Got some mail for you." A FAFSA packet is thrown down onto my bed beside my head.

Packets are a good thing, right? I groan and roll onto my back then sit up and cross my legs with a big frowny face. I even go as far as to rest my elbows on my knees and my chin on my fists, I'm so depressed right now. _Bleh_.

I see from the corner of my eye, dad hesitate at the foot of my bed. I can almost hear the wheels turning inside his head as he internally debates on asking me what's wrong. I want him to ask me, but then again I don't. I just want to avoid this college crap for another day—week—_forever!_

"Alright," he exhales deeply, "what's wrong?" The bed dips with his weight.

I drop my hands and stare as I start to pick at my chipping nail polish. Then I do the one thing we all do when we know exactly what's wrong, but don't want to say anything: I shrug my shoulders. Luckily, my dad is a cop who has seen this done time and time again. He knows I'm a big fat liar.

"Bella, I have watched you avoid the mail for weeks now and every time I bring it inside you clam up like it's a letter from the Government drafting you into the war—wait a minute." He pauses with wide eyes. "You didn't enlist… did you?"

I would totally laugh at the panic on his face right now if those college letters didn't feel like the exact same thing. I sigh and shake my head at him slowly. "No, Dad. I didn't enlist."

The sigh of relief he huffs is comical. "Good. Now, tell your old man what's really going on." His voice is no nonsense, but his eyes are full of concern.

I really take for granted how awesome my dad is. With that in mind, I unload all of my concerns about college and Edward, my guilt about Rosalie, my fears about leaving home and going out on my own. What if I fail? What if I leave and Edward sees it as just one more person abandoning him? What if Royce fucks up and Rosalie is unable to support the belly bean all alone? What if I leave and dad has a heart attack while I am away because he's been eating fast food everyday and not taking care of himself?

Saying these things out loud makes me feel like I'm betraying everyone, but mostly? It feels like I'm betraying myself. I hate that with every worry I have, dad has an answer. How is it so easy for him and not for me?

"It's not easy, honey." He chuckles softly at my question. "I'm just trying to show you both sides of the coin. Yeah, so what if you leave and I forget to eat right? That's on me, not you, Bella. I'm a grown man, Rosalie is a grown woman—forced to grow up too fast, maybe, but she is capable of taking care of herself and her child with or without the father. People do things like this every day on their own. You can't carry this weight on your shoulders, sweetheart."

"I know that," I croak and wipe at my eyes. "But what—"

"You need to worry about _Bella_, right now." He points at me. "Put aside everyone else and just think about you. What do _you _want? What is best for _you?_"

"But I don't _know _what's best for me!" I cry out. "I can't just leave everyone I love behind, Dad! What about Edward? All he has ever been is left behind. His mom, his dad, and now Carlisle? Dad, I can't… I just…" I cover my face with my hands in shame.

I feel dad's hand squeeze mine and I know he wants to say something about Edward. I lift my gaze to his and sure enough he's biting his tongue to keep quiet. It's all in his eyes.

"Bella, you are weeks away from being a legal adult. I can't _make _you do anything, but as a father who loves you, I cannot allow you to stay in Forks because of a boy." His hand flies up to stop me from saying anything. "I am aware that _Edward_ is not 'just a boy' and I am also aware that you are only seventeen years old for a few more days. Which means I am still the law around here." He tries to act tough, but he's a marshmallow deep down. "Please try to think past everyone else right now, honey. This is about _you_. I cannot stress that enough. No one is gonna live your life, but you."

I pause at his words. I remember Jake saying something so similar to me about Edward, all those months ago.

"But… what if I leave and it's the biggest mistake of my life?" I choke out this confession and immediately after I start to sob. "Why is this s-so _hard?_" Soon my face is sticky with tears, my shirt is damp from the trails that have fallen down my cheeks, and if I don't blow my nose in the next ten seconds I'm going to resemble Freggly from _Diary of a Wimpy Kid_.

My poor dad looks panicked for a moment and slowly reaches out a hand to pat my shoulder awkwardly. "It's j-just, I don't kn-know what I'm sup-posed to d-do and—" he stops me and pats his pockets while he looks for something.

Meanwhile, I'm a mess of tears and snot until finally he shoves a handkerchief in my hands. "It's alright, sweetheart. Just let it all out." He pats my knee softly as I hiccup and attempt to regain my composure.

In front of anyone else, I would be horrified to have allowed someone to see me at my weakest. But Charlie Swan is not "someone," he's my dad.

He waits for me to clean up before he responds to my breakdown. I take a few minutes to clean up in the bathroom and then walk back into my room and sit back down where I was.

"You okay now?" he asks and at my nod he continues. "Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this for you. This is a very hard decision for you to make, probably one of the hardest in your life. Of course I want you to go to one of them 'fancy colleges' so that I can brag about you to anyone who would listen—especially that damn Mr. Peterson who never shuts his pie hole about his son getting that football scholarship to Notre Dame—but that's neither here nor there."

I suppress a small smile and let him carry on.

"But above all, sweetheart." He takes my hand and squeezes it. "I want you to be happy. If you stay here, Bella, you're going to regret it and resent Edward."

I blink in complete shock. Is that true? I clear my throat as I think this over, but it just makes me more upset. "But if I go, he'll resent _me_."

He shakes his head. "To truly love someone is to want the best for them, no matter the cost. Ever heard the phrase, 'If you love them, set them free' or whatever?" He rubs my back as I sniffle like a baby.

I laugh tearfully at his words. "That's so lame, Dad."

He shrugs. "Lame, but true." He sighs and pushes the hair away from my eyes before pulling me in for a comforting hug. "Or so they say, but what do I know? I'm just a terminal bachelor… Famous ladies man."

I laugh for real this time and hug him closer. "No." I exhale. "You're my old man."

"I'll always be your old man, sweet pea." He kisses top of my head.

-x-

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Message from _**Rosalie Hale **_to _**Emmett McCarty**.

**Rosalie Hale** Make sure she has a good time.

**Emmett McCarty** aye, aye captain!

**Rosalie Hale** Dork.

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Message from _**Rosalie Hale **_to _**Royce King**:

**Rosalie Hale** If you go to Bella's party, please don't fight with anyone and just keep an eye on Cullen, okay?

**Royce King** Cullen's got something planned for Bella. They won't be there long.

**Rosalie Hale** It's her PARTY Royce, WTF?!

**Royce King** Yes, but she never wanted one. You know she hates that kind of shit.

**Rosalie Hale** Please do not tell me about my best friend.

**Royce King** Whatever Rose. I don't want to fight with you.

**Rosalie Hale** We're not fighting.

**Royce King** ?

**Rosalie Hale** NOW we're fighting.

**Royce King** When aren't we fighting Rosalie?

**Royce King** I miss the days when I could just put you over my knee.

**Rosalie Hale** Ha. Ha.

**Rosalie Hale** My ass is so huge you'd probably hurt yourself trying. I'm disgusting.

**Royce King** You're beautiful. Shut up.

**Rosalie Hale** I'm serious Royce. I weigh like a million pounds.

**Royce King** Doubt it.

**Royce King** But if you did I'd still love you.

**Royce King** Want you.

**Royce King** Need you.

**Rosalie Hale** Don't say things like that to me.

**Royce King** Why?

**Rosalie Hale** Because it makes me cry.

**Royce King** Can I please call you?

**Royce King** I just want to hear your voice. I won't say anything to piss you off.

**Rosalie Hale** Last time you said that the first words out of your mouth pissed me off.

**Royce King** What? I love you?

**Rosalie Hale** Yes.

**Royce King** Fuck that. I'll say it whenever I want and you're the ONLY one I'll ever say it to other than to our daughter.

**Rosalie Hale** Okay.

**Royce King** Okay?

**Rosalie Hale** Okay. Call me.

-x-

Student Government is getting ridiculous.

No one can agree on a senior prom theme and the venue/ballroom/what-the-hell-ever has to be booked asap. At the moment our top three themes to vote on are 1.) Comic Con—I kid you not, 2.) Casino Night or 3.) All That Jazz!

Personally, I wouldn't mind dressing up as a flapper girl and seeing Edward in a zoot suit. Thankfully, it seems as though the majority of the student council is on the same boat. I'm actually sort of excited for it. I will never admit this out loud.

If I'm being perfectly honest with myself, I have to admit that thinking about prom is way better than thinking about college. I know what I'm going to do, I'm not stupid. I can't stay here and if any of my friends—especially Rose—were to switch spots with me I would tell them the same thing.

Get your ass to Vassar.

"Don't forget that I'm coming over to your house before the party to get ready." Kate's voice breaks through my thoughts like a hammer to an ice barrier.

"Huh?" I blink back at her in confusion.

Tia, who looks to be busy walking and texting at the same time, answers in place of Kate. "She said don't forget she's going to your house before the party to get ready." Her head then snaps up and she pockets her phone. "It's cool that Liam brings his cousin, Steven, right?"

I nod without really thinking about what I'm agreeing to. "P-Party?" My mouth seems to have forgotten how to speak properly.

"Your birthday party? The one Emmett is throwing for you and calling the 'Not-Such-a-Surprise Surprise Party!'" Kate snickers with Tia.

I can hear Edward's Impala roaring down the road toward the parking lot I'm currently standing in. It gives me a much needed jolt back into reality. "Yeah, that's fine. Six o'clock, right?"

Kate dips her head with a grin. "Righty-o, cheerio!"

"Oh! That reminds me." Tia says and swings her backpack around to her front to dig through it. "This is for you…" she drags out the word as she searches deeper in her bag. "A-ha!"

I take a step back with caution.

"A little early b-day present from the squad." Tia smirks and hands me a gift certificate to a spa in Port Angeles that I would never have the money to go to without Rosalie's help.

My eyes widen in utter disbelief. "Oh, wow. Thanks… I mean… thanks." I'm speechless, a first in terms of accepting birthday gifts. My usual response is a bunch of squeals followed by clapping and jumping around in excitement.

"I can't wait to see the look on your face on Saturday!" Tia yips and bounces on the balls of her feet.

I wish she wouldn't do that in those shoes, the last thing this squad needs is for one of its flyers to twist her ankle.

Kate winks at me to ease my suspicions of over the top embarrassment. It _will_ be at _Emmett's_ house after all. Class clown extraordinaire. I'm in big trouble come Saturday. Tia's eyes dart over my shoulder and she suddenly starts to back away. I'm about to turn around to see what's put that look on her face when I hear the loud rev of an engine.

More specifically, Edward's Impala.

"See ya." Tia waves a hand and spins around to sprint toward her car.

I hate how intimidating Edward comes across to everyone, especially my friends. It's like they're scared he's going to run them over with his car. Kate is the only one who never seems to back down when Edward comes around, I love her for it.

"So…" Kate pauses as she waits for the earsplitting sound of yet another unnecessary engine rev to calm down.

"Edward, knock it off!" I whip around and glare at him through the windshield.

He has a cigarette hanging from his lip and his shades covering his eyes from me. Instead of doing as I ask, he blares the horn and flashes his headlights at us. Why oh why do I love this boy so damn much? He's a complete asshat.

I flip him the bird and turn back to Kate. "I better…"

"Yeah." She smirks. "You should probably feed and change him, it's probably why he's so fussy." Her joke makes us laugh so hard we have to lean against each other to stay upright.

I can sense I'm pushing my luck with Edward and hook my arm around the back of Kate's neck to give her a hug before we part ways. She jogs backward toward her car and reminds me one more time that she's coming over before the party to get ready.

"What party?" Edward asks when I slide into my seat and shut the door. Our fingers immediately link and he pulls my hand up to kiss the back of it before we drive away.

I sigh and scoot closer to his side of the car when he starts to tug at my arm. "Emmett's throwing me a not-so-surprising surprise party this weekend. I told you this a few days ago, babe. Remember?" I lean my head on his shoulder and raise my chin the underside of his jaw.

It tenses after hearing my words. "Oh."

I ignore his pouting and snuggle into his side. "I'm actually a little flattered—maybe even a little excited about the party. I mean, I've never done anything like this before for my birthday and 18 is pretty epic, right?"

The arm he has around me slips down to my waist. "What do you mean you've never done anything like this before?" His brow furrows in thought.

"I don't celebrate my birthday. I've never _wanted _to." I explain to him truthfully. When I was little my mom tried, but I would just hide in my room until everyone was gone. I don't know why I did that, but it always made me so uncomfortable to know that everyone was there because of me and don't even get me started on the cake bit."

"You mean like, singing and shit? Blowing out candles?" His hand cups my ass and pats it a few times. "Presents?"

I giggle into his chest. "Presents were okay if I got to open them by myself. Blowing out candles? No way. The one time I tried my mom thought it would be funny to get the ones that never blew out. So I kept blowing and blowing and everyone kept yelling and saying, '_Harder! Blow harder!' _and I tried so many times that I passed out. Face planted right into the cake."

I can feel Edward's chest shaking with unleashed laughter. His lips are pressed into a thin line with the bottom one between his teeth. I shake my head and elbow his side which triggers him to throw his head back and bark out laughter so deep it makes _me _laugh.

"Oh, my sweet, sweet, Bella." He pulls my face to his for a kiss. "Nothing ever goes according to plan with you, does it?"

I shrug. He kisses my cheek a few times and then squeezes my thigh.

"You're coming, right?" I ask softly. "To the party?"

He swallows hard and I watch the rise and fall of his Adam's apple. "It's your day. Whatever you want."

That's not really what I want to hear. I frown and turn away to stare out at the road in front of us. "I don't want to go if you're going to be an asshole the whole time."

He groans. "What do you want from me, Bella? I'm not going to laugh and drink with your fake ass friends, not after what they did to you and Rose."

My fingers dig into the thick fabric of his hoodie and push away to the other side of the car. "Fine. I'll go by myself, then."

"_Fuck_." He curses softly to himself, but I heard it. "Alright. I'll go."

"No." I shake my head without looking at him. "Don't do me any favors."

"I'm not," he snaps. My eyes move to my peripheral as he continues to gripe. "It's your fucking birthday and I want you to be happy." His knuckles whiten around the steering wheel.

I close my eyes and bring my knees up to my chest. "Then don't go." I say into them.

"Fine." His tone is razor sharp. "If that's what you want."

"That's what I want," I mumble. _Lie_.

I grab onto my door and wait for him to explode, I know its coming. He's going to accuse me of being ashamed to have him as my boyfriend. He's not good enough to be around my friends. He'll call me stuck up and fake. I sit there on my side of the car and I feel my entire body tense up anxiously. The more we drive in total silence, the worst I know is about to come. His temper will just keep rising higher and higher until…

The car jerks to the right side of the road, bumping over the curb and bouncing over the uneven dirt and grass that leads to the woods. I expect for him to slam on the brakes, but instead we come to a slow stop.

"I'm sorry." He says, being the first to break the tense silence. "I shouldn't have acted like that."

I shrug my shoulders and keep my gaze outside the car, watching the wind blow through the trees. Truthfully, I'm a little too damn stunned to respond right now. Since when does he outright say he's sorry? Or admit that he was wrong?

"Please look at me," he begs.

I gulp and shake my head, refusing to do as he's asked. I need a moment. I'm getting so tired of this side of him it's ridiculous. Graduation grows closer everyday and so does the decision I keep putting off—and when he acts like this? Sometimes leaving doesn't seem so bad. What if that's what we need? Do we need some time apart in order to truly realize that this is it?

"Baby, please." I feel him move across the seat and then his arms gather me into his lap. He pushes my hair over my shoulder and presses his lips to the back of my neck. "I'll go, I promise I will and I wont be an asshole—I swear." He says softly into my shoulder. "It's your day, Bella. I'll do whatever you want and I won't fuck it up, I promise. I just want you to be happy, baby. I'll smile and I'll laugh and I'll drink beer and sell weed to your friends…"

I twist around in him arms to stare up into his eyes. There is absolutely no fucking way I could ever spend more than a day apart from him. Just thinking about it makes me feel as if I want to crawl outside of my skin.

"I just want you there with me and my friends." My hand lifts so that I can press a fingertip to his bottom lip and stroke it back and forth. "I don't want you to be a separate part of my life anymore, Edward. Don't you see that?"

I know the exact moment he realizes what I'm saying, his entire face relaxes and he leans in to kiss me. "I'm trying, Bella. You have to know that I'm trying to be a better person for you."

I feather my fingers over his mouth, across his jaw, down his neck… "I love you, you know."

His eyes soften and the lines around them fade out one by one as he nods his head and tells me he loves me, too.

"Trust me?" I ask vigilantly with my eyes roaming every inch of his face and my hands on his board shoulders.

"Yes." His forehead presses to mine. "With my life." His nose nuzzles mine.

I smile with closed eyes. "Then shut up and get drunk with me on my birthday."

When I open my eyes he's watching me with a small smirk on his lips.

"What?" I quirk my brow suspiciously.

"You're so sexy when you get all bossy like that." His fingers dig into my sides right then and I squeal and beg him to stop until suddenly we're kissing and then we're groping and then we're moaning and then and then and then…

-x-

_I don't want to think about it_

_I don't want to talk about it_

_When I kiss your lips_

_I want to sink down to the bottom_

_Of the sea_

_I want to love you madly_

_I want to love you now, yeah_

_I want to love you madly, way_

_I want to love you, love you_

_Love you madly_

_I don't want to hold back_

_I don't want to slip down_

_I don't want to think back to the one thing that I know I _

_Should have done_

_I don't want to doubt you_

_Know everything about you_

_I don't want to sit across the table from you _

_Wishing I could run_

_I want to love you madly_

_I want to love you now_

_I want to love you madly, way_

_I want to love you, love you_

_Love you madly_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Love You Madly_ by _CAKE_.

**TK FIC REC:** Turkey Baster by Counselor.

**I will never pull TSB unless FF does.**

**If this happens, I also post at: theslowestburn. wordpress. com**

My twitter: Typokween


	34. Youth Knows No Pain

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would be at an after party right now with Kristen and/or Rob.

THANK YOUS—_Jess & Kaia_. _EVERYONE: Thank you—THANK YOU!—for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… but mostly thank you for your patience._

-x-

**WARNING! THIS IS NOT BETA'D!**

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ your dad ruins the moment.

**Ch. 34: _Youth Knows No Pain_**

* * *

><p><em>Wallpost to <em>**Bella Swan**_ from _**Emmett McCarty.**

**Emmett McCarty** Are you reeeeaaadddyyyyy? (audio clip: Are_You_Ready-KORN_mp3)

Comments:

**Bella Swan** Hahahahaha! ILY Emmy!

**Emmett McCarty** Only the best for mah little B!

**Bella Swan** Will there be ponies?

**Bella Swan** and a chocolate fountain?

**Bella Swan** Oh! Oh! Or maybe a piñata?

**Emmett McCarty** Yes! Now you're talkin' smalls!

**Kate Stone** _likes this_.

**Rosalie Hale** Are you turning 8 or 18? LOL!

**Seth Clearwater** :-O that is my shocked face. Y U No tell me it's your birthday?

**Bella Swan** Awww, I'm sorry Seffers!

**Seth Clearwater** *gasp* You made up a nickname for me?

**Seth Clearwater** *DED*

* * *

><p><strong>Seth Clearwater<strong>_ has changed his status from single to engaged to _**Isabella Swan**_._

Comments:

**Jacob Black** WTF?!

**Royce King** It was nice knowing you, Seth.

**Bella Swan** You dork! Lol

**Paul, Jared, Quil, Ethan** and 3 more _like this_.

**Jared Cameron** Way to go small fry!

**E. Cullen** I'll make you a deal. You can handle the talking, buying, and emotional part of the relationship. I'll handle the physical.

**Bella Swan** HOW RUDE!

**Seth Clearwater **Yyyyyyyyyyyeeeessssss! Score!

**Seth Clearwater **Wait a minute…

**Royce King** THERE it is.

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status<strong>

**Seth Clearwater** has been played.

17 people _like this_.

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

**Secret Group: **_Bella's (Not So Surprising) Surprise Party_

_Wallpost from _**Jessica Stanley**

**Jessica Stanley**_ Please tell me you're not going to rent out ponies, Em._

Comments:

**Emmett McCarty** Why not? How did you know that?

**Jessica Stanley** Dork! You pressed "Like" on a pony rental FB page!

**Emmett McCarty** Oh, do you think Bella saw that?

**Lauren Mallory** OMG Emmett! NO FARM ANIMALS!

**Kate Stone** Ew! You have sex with farm animals?!

**Lauren Mallory** Was that to me? Cuz ew.

**Emmett McCarty** I love your dirty mind, Katie bug.

**Kate Stone** _likes this_.

**Jessica Stanley** Whatever. No ponies, Em. Deal breaker.

**Emmett McCarty** You guys are no fun.

**Chelsea Salvatore** We are SO fun! You're just not suggesting the right kind of party favors. ;)

**Jessica Stanley** Exactly.

**Tia Kebi** Tequila!

**Riley Biers** I love that idea.

**Emmett McCarty** Okay, but the chocolate fountain and piñata are cool, right?

**Jessica Stanley** Ugh! Yes, Emmett.

**Emmett McCarty** BEST DAY EVERRR!

-x-

I love Fridays—and not just because it's the end of the week. I love them because it's when dad, Edward, and I catch up on our DVR'd episodes of Deadliest Catch. We're hooked.

Dad's pushed back in his recliner with eyes glued to the bearing sea via the flat screen. He's so focused that he doesn't notice Edward's hand as it shifts dangerously close to my ass with every breath he takes. I'm cuddled as close as humanly possible to his side, my arms wrapped securely around his waist and my cheek pressed to his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

_Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom_…

"That damn Elliot has no right to man that boat. Too young, too arrogant, and too stupid." Dad grunts and pulls from his beer.

"He only got that part because he's cute," I blurt out loud without thinking first. "Ow!" I yelp when Edward pinches my ass after hearing what I've said.

Dad twists around to give us his 'I'm watching you' look and Edward innocently shifts his gaze from my father to me. "What?" He plays dumb. "And anyway, Elliot sucks. It's all about the Northwestern."

Dad chuckles and raises his bottle up a bit in agreement.

I have to roll my eyes at this. "Whatever. Team Seabrooke all the way."

Edward snorts and I feel his fingers creep up the back of my shirt to caress my spine. I love when he does that, it makes my skin tingle and my girly bits buzz. I snuggle closer to him—practically in his lap—and nuzzle his slightly scruffy chin with my nose. This causes him to turn his face to mine and our lips to inch toward each other closer and closer.

"Time Bandit has a great crew, though." Dad's sudden interruption causes me and Edward jump apart quickly. Dad looks over at us curiously twitching that mustache of his and we try to appear as innocent as possible. "Wizard has an asshat for a captain and Kodiak is underappreciated." He turns back to the TV and shakes his head at it.

Did my Dad just use the word "asshat" in a sentence?

Edward and I turn to each other and mouth simultaneously, "_Asshat?_"

I have to bury my face in his shoulder to muffle my insane giggling and Edward just hides his face in my hair. Shoulders shaking, hands grasping, breathes held—my dad has no idea how funny he is.

Suddenly something vibrates beneath my left butt cheek and for juuuuust a second I think that Edward's cock has turned into a vibrator.

"Move, babe. I gotta get my phone." Edward nudges me so that I'll roll to my right.

I pout to myself and wait for him to get his phone so I can cuddle with him again, but he doesn't let me. Instead he gets up and kisses me on the forehead before quietly going outside to take his call. I have to remind myself to trust him so that I don't follow him outside. It's probably just Royce or Jake. He's done with the drugs. He told me.

Dad pauses the TV and when I tell him he doesn't have to wait for Edward, he turns in his chair and asks, "Have you talked to your mom?"

"Uhhh…" Suspicion clouds my judgment and prevents me from responding right away. "Why?"

He starts to fidget and looks down at the remote in his hand. "No reason."

"Did she extend her Cruise?"I sit up on the couch and scoot closer to where my dad is.

He shakes his head.

"Did she fall overboard?" I ask as a joke, but actually this is something that could really happen to my harebrained mother.

"No." Dad rolls his eyes. "Never mind, I thought she called you."

My eyes narrow at him and then it hits me that they must have gone halvesies on my birthday present. I jump up from the couch and start chanting, "What did you get me? What did you get me? What did you get me?" while literally hopping up and down like a bunny on crack.

I am _that _excited.

Poor Dad blushes and mutters that my mom is going to kill him for this. In return all I say is: "Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie!" When it comes to presents, I lose more than half my brain cells.

With a frown, Dad reminds me that it's not my birthday just yet. I knew he would say that, so I remind _him_ that it _will _be in 36 hours. Then the begging starts.

"Please, dad?" Hands clasped together in front of me, I jut my lip out and blink my lashes excessively. "_Pleeeease?_"

"Isabella Marie Swan." Uh oh, he broke out with my full name. "You are hours away from being a legal adult and you're sitting right next to me and acting like a five-year-old."

I watch him hold back a smile and then give him the _Puss In Boots_ eyes again until he cracks.

"Okay!" He slaps his hands on his knees and I squeal happily. "But only my half of the damn thing now and you'll get your mother's half later."

_Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance!_

He goes to where he keeps his guns and pulls out his keys to unlock the cabinet.

"Nice." I snort at him.

He pulls out a beautifully wrapped purple box about the size of a volleyball and sets it down on my lap with a kiss on the top of my head. "You know I luvyah, right?" he mutters with that familiar awkwardness of his.

I pause and focus my attention away from the dark purple ribbon and to my awesome papa. "Of course, Dad."

He nods with a smirk and I rip into my present like an animal digging for food. Purple ribbon is pulled and lavender paper is torn in pieces to reveal—a digital camera. Oooh, it's the one from the Ashton Kutcher commercial. Me = _dead_. So happy right now.

"Your mom said that, uh…" Dad points at the camera and scratches at the back of his neck, looking every bit uncomfortable. "It's important to document your last year of high school. Something about switching over to adulthood—you know how your mother is." He waves his hand in a gesture that tells me not to ask questions he has no answers to.

I waste no time opening the box before loading the SD card and batteries—_so excited!_ Afterward I raise it up and stare at the LCD screen where I see Dad holding a hand up to cover his face.

"Dad!" I frown. "Don't do that, I want to take your picture."

"Get that out of my face, Isabella. I mean it." And he really does mean it, because he zips out from my camera's line of vision and goes into the kitchen.

Of course, I follow him in there.

He opens cabinets, spins in circles, holds up his hands, and then runs out into the living room. "I will not have you put my face on a rhinoceros!" He belts out suddenly and I bend at the waist laughing, raising a hand to lean against the wall.

"A what? Why would I ever…?" I can't even finish my sentence. "Oh, Dad, you say the weirdest shit."

"Bella. Language." His entire face morphs into a stern expression that I immediately capture on film. "_Shit_." He curses when he realizes it.

I gasp and try to look serious. "Dad. Language." I copy his tone.

He smirks and I quickly raise my camera and snap another picture of him. "Ah, hell!" He gives up completely and goes to watch TV again.

I follow him into the living room, watching everything through the LCD screen and when the front door opens I twist and press the capture button. But when I look down at the picture I see scared eyes, pale skin, and a tight jaw. My arms drop at my sides as I stare at Edward in silent shock.

"What's wrong?" My stomach tightens up when I ask.

Edward's eyes are focus solely me and I know instantly that I need to get us somewhere we can be alone. His fingers are trembling down at his sides—shit, this is bad. He needs to sit before he passes out or something. I move to the couch and wait for him to come to me. When he sits, I take his shaky hands and hold them to my chest.

"Well?" Dad blurts. "Out with it son, you look deader than a doornail with that pale face of yours."

I throw him the evil eye and he shrugs back at me completely clueless. I turn back to Edward and he's staring at me as if it's just the two of us. He's scared and in sensing that my heart rate picks up and my skin prickles anxiously with tiny emotional currents.

"That was my mom," he finally managers to croak out an answer.

It feels like everything comes to a stop right then. My mouth hangs open in disbelief and when I look over at my dad he nods his head and quickly pushes up to his feet. "I'm just gonna, uh… yeah." He shuffles into the kitchen.

"Come on." I all but drag Edward up stairs to my room. I know my boy and he won't utter a single word to me about this unless we are completely alone. I love my dad for sensing that about Edward, sometimes I feel like he might understand him more than I do.

The stairs creak under our quick footsteps and my dad shouts, "Door open, Bella!"

I just roll my eyes and swing the damn thing shut. "What happened?" I ask the catatonic looking boy at the end of my bed. "Edward?"

He clears his throat and rubs his hands up and down his thighs. "She still thinks I'm Royce."

Slowly, I lower myself to sit beside him. "What do you mean?" I ask gently and bring my left knee up to the bed so that I can face him.

He continues to avoid looking at me and stares straight ahead where my dresser stands. I dart my gaze in the same direction and in the mirror I see the top of his head and the messy wave of hair that I can finally run my fingers through. His silence is killing me, unable to handle it any longer I press a hand to his cheek and turn him to look at me.

"Talk to me." I beg him and curl my fingers to gently scratch the light stubble at his chin.

Edward turns his face to kiss my palm and brings it down to where the "I love you" tattoo is beneath his shirt. "I pussied out," he says in a gruff voice.

The grimace on his face makes my stomach clench. I pull him to me and rest his head at my shoulder where he inhales my scent and wraps his arms around me firmly.

"It's okay." I tell him.

He chuckles sourly and pulls away to fall backward onto the bed. His gaze turns and narrows at the glow stars on the ceiling. "I couldn't fucking do it over the phone, you know? I mean, who does that shit? Then again, lying and pretending to be a client is worse, isn't it?" He closes his eyes and exhales angrily. "_Fuck_."

"Did you set up an appointment?" I scoot closer and lean on my side, held up by my elbow. His answer is a nod. "When?"

"Twenty first of April." He throws an arm over his eyes.

The date sounds familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Regardless, I don't want to upset him anymore than he already is, so I don't say anything. I'll check my calendar later just to be sure.

"C'mere." Edward removes the arm from his face and holds it out for me to lay with him.

I crawl over into his arms and kiss him where my tattoo is. _My _tattoo, I drew it. I claim it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I tread this topic lightly.

He lies deep in thought, and I wait while his chest rises and falls beneath me in a steady rhythm. He's so quiet that I almost don't expect him to say anything at all about his mom. He's nearly unpredictable lately. I'm so used to him being closed off and hot tempered. I'm not quite sure what to do with this more open and understanding Edward. He fights with himself now. I can feel the tension in his body when he does, every time he struggles to talk about himself or anything else that makes him uncomfortable.

"What if she really didn't want me?" he whispers so softly that I almost wonder if I imagined it.

I must have. Because Edward never acts like this. _Ever_. He needs Carlisle. I wish I knew a way to get them talking again. I know there are things that Carlisle knows that I don't and he anticipates Edward's moods like no one else. I hate that I can't be the one with all the answers for him, I hate how scared he looks right now because it's as if he's gone backward in years. Like he's eight years old again and wondering why his mom isn't home. I hate her so much for doing this to him, how can a mother leave her child? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

"Why would you say that?" I pull back and look up at him in concern.

His eyes remain on my glow stars. "Because it's been ten fucking _years_, Bella." My heart breaks at the sight of him cringing and pulling at his hair. "What if this whole time I've spent thinking she couldn't find me is bullshit? I mean—_fuck_—maybe she never even tried."

"You can't think like that." I quickly move to placate him by rubbing a hand up and down his sternum. "You don't know anything yet, all right?"

"This is really fucked up," he whispers and grabs my hand from his chest to press his lips to my palm.

I nod with a deep sigh. "Yeah, this is all really fucked up. But think of it this way, at least you'll finally get some answers and you can move on with your life. Right?"

He shrugs and turns to stare into my eyes, bringing a hand to my chin and leaning in to kiss me. "I really fucking love you, you know that?" he says to me and I feel a hundred butterflies fluttering all over me and under my skin.

I lift my head to kiss him and just as our lips touch the door bursts open and I'm flung backward when Edward jumps up and shoves me behind his back. A bright flash blinds us for a few disorienting seconds while our hearts pound and adrenaline surges. I remove all the hair that's fallen into my face and peak over Edward's shoulder while his right arm is held out to keep me pushed back.

"_I said door open!_" Dad's voice fills the room like surround sound speakers. Before we can react he lifts my camera and another blinding flash makes me flinch and scowl at him.

Dad belly laughs. "You should've seen your faces—oh wait! You can!" He tosses the camera and Edward catches it with a look of absolute shock. Then Dad leaves the room muttering and chuckling to himself—leaving the door OPEN as he goes. We sit and stare at the open door for nearly a whole minute before either of us can function normally again.

"Shit, babe." Edward exhales a long held breath. "I love you." He pauses and looks to me. "But your dad's fucking crazy."

I fall backward onto my bed and hold my stomach while I laugh at the dumbfounded expression on his face. A flash alerts me to the fact that Edward has my camera and I have to wrestle it away from him. His hands grip my hips and he rolls to his back so that I straddle him. I stare at him through the LCD screen and turn the flash off—it's not needed to be perfectly honest. Then I take a picture of his goofy grin.

"Make a funny face." I giggle. He does and I capture it forever. "Say chee—whoa—_Edward!_" I yelp when he flips us over and we trade places.

He takes the camera and plays around with it and watches me through the screen. "I love you." His voice is gentle and makes me warm all over. Looking up at him I mouth the words back: "_I love you._"

Amused, his lips twitch and I roll my eyes and purse my own to blow him a kiss. Then I take the camera back and realize that he's been recording this entire time. _Punk_.

I start to randomly snap pictures of him and wish I could photograph him completely naked. I vow right then and there to make it happen. Oh yes, I will take naked pictures of my boyfriend. The flash is back on after switching back from video and I can tell its irritating him.

"Stop. I'm going blind." He groans and holds up a hand to block the burst of light from his eyes.

"Fine." I roll my eyes and change to video again. "I think you should do a sexy strip tease for my birthday. Your stripper name could be…"

"Don't say it." He growls up at me playfully.

I grin. "Fuck Pistol Cullen."

"No!" His nose wrinkles in disgust. "You're so deranged, Bella."

I stick my tongue out at him and hold the camera up. "Tell me you love me." I beam happily and watch him on the screen.

His eyes are soft and honest. "I love you."

The butterflies in my tummy go wild.

"Again." I tease.

"I love you." He laughs and gives me a wink.

"One more time," I whisper.

He mouths the words and reaches up to curve his thumb over my cheek. I want him so badly right then and I hate that I can't. Stupid open door.

"All right, turn it off." Edward stretches out his muscles and the bottom of his shirt rises up to show yummy toned abs.

"Nope." I focus the lens on his sexy body.

He's so fucking hot and I know it comes from hard work and hours of exercise. I love being at his apartment while he works out. He gets all sweaty and out of breath and he bulges in all the right places. Once he had me sit cross legged on his back while he did push-ups—then I had him finish his set on top of me. Good times._ Sexy_ times.

"Bella." He warns when I don't remove the camera from his six pack abs.

"_Edward_." I mock him back playfully.

"Turn that thing off and gimme a kiss." He leans back against my headboard and beckons me over with a crooked finger.

But I want every second of this moment recorded, I love this boy so much. I watch him closely through the camera until he dives across the bed to snatch it from my hands. I squeal and throw my head back with laughter as he tickles my sides and buries his face in my neck, nipping at my skin. He's so heavy on top of me but at the same time it's one of my most favorite things in the world.

His weight pushes the air from my lungs until he rolls us onto his back. My knees part and settle on either side of his hips and my hands press down onto his shoulders. He stares up at me and I want to kiss that smirk off his lips, so I do. I lean over and nibble his bottom lip, flick my tongue at his top one and exhale in contentment when he lifts his chin and captures my mouth with his.

But that's as far as it goes, it kind of kills the mood when you're scared your crazy dad might walk in at any moment.

-x-

I know every word to nearly every Harry Potter film by now thanks to Jack and Bailey. They watch them constantly. And never in order—it drives me _crazy_. Yet, here I sit with Bailey practically hanging off of me while Sam chats away on my phone with Rosalie.

"…and then Mr. Luther said that I couldn't sit with Simon and his dad because it was Father/Son day and my dad wasn't there. But Simon's dad said I could eat lunch with them because I don't have a dad, but Mr. Luther said I was just trying to get out of class—but it was lunchtime! How was I trying to get out of class? So then I had to go sit with the other kids and that sucked because I always sit with Simon at lunch. I guess Simon's dad was kinda upset about what Mr. Luther said because called the house and told Royce. Then the next day at lunchtime Royce _and _Edward came to have lunch with me and Simon—it was awesome! They brought us cheeseburgers and fries and soda!"

I smile to myself remembering that day. When Edward had told me what he heard from Royce about Sam's asshole principal, we were all pissed. Royce was ready to go on a rampage. Edward, too. I convinced them to go have lunch with Sam at his school instead. Win-win. Mr. Luther was livid because the boys came unannounced and caused an uproar when they brought lunch for not only Sam and Simon, but for everyone else in their class.

I seriously love my boys, they have hearts the size of Texas and are fiercely loyal.

"Beh-wah." Bailey's little hands grasp me on either side of my face so that she has my full and undivided attention.

God, this kid is adorable.

"Will you get me a wand like Hermione?" I smile at the way she says Hermione's name: _Huh-my-knee_. "Will yous?" She blinks those big blue eyes of hers at me while her hands continue to smash my cheeks together.

"I will if you gimme a kiss, pretty girl." I purse my lips and kiss her chubby cheek two times and in return she gives me a dainty kiss on each side of my face and giggles.

I'm so glad she doesn't give me the evil eye over Edward anymore. Lately it's been "Seth this" and "Seth that." Bailey is head over heels in love. It's so cute, even if it makes Seth blush as red as a fire truck.

"Let me go talk to the boys and see what I can do." I wink at her and then extract myself from the couch, but slowly so as not to wake Jack who's asleep on the other side of the couch.

What was originally supposed to be a "quick stop" at Roy's has now hit its second hour. Not that I don't love seeing the kids, I just think we're cutting it close to party time. Especially since before we came here, Edward had me waiting in the car for 45 minutes while he "ran inside" the senior center. He has been acting strange all week and putting in way more hours than usual. Now this sudden stop by Royce's has me suspicious and wondering if maybe they're hiding something.

Edward and Royce are in the kitchen in deep discussion about something when I come up behind Edward and slip my arms around his waist. "Hey babe," Edward says and pulls me around so that my back is to his front. He kisses my temple and then looks up at Royce expectantly as he waits for him to continue what they were talking about.

Royce looks stressed—even more than usual. I almost pull away from Edward to hug him, but decide against it. I want to know what's going on first. I arch my brow at him curiously and with a deep sigh, he spills.

"Lately, my mom's been…" He pauses, looking for the right word. "Attentive." He shrugs. "I dunno, she's being weird."

"She's being a mom," Edward says into my ear.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, he knows what he's doing to me. _Dick._

"Isn't that a good thing?" I look over at Royce curiously. "I mean, this is what everyone wanted, right?"

He nods, but he doesn't look happy. "Yeah."

"Just tell her." Edward sighs and sits down in a chair at the table before he pulls me onto his lap.

Royce stays leaning against the counter. "She has a new boyfriend."

I blink. "Okay?"

He clears his throat. "She's done this a few times before. She'll do whatever she thinks the guy wants. If he wants a housewife, she's a housewife. If he wants a carefree single woman, she's a carefree single woman. Her relationships are equivalent to the expiration date on produce from the supermarket."

_Oh_. I start to chew on my lip.

"Basically," he sighs and rubs a hand over his face. "I don't know how long this mother-act of hers is going to last. So, I want to go and talk to this guys myself and see how serious this is. I'm worried because Jack and Bailey are old enough to feel abandoned when they break up and she stops coming around."

My lip is going to be raw before this conversation ends. "You want to talk to the guy or beat him up?" I hate that I even have to ask this.

"Just talk." He assures me.

"We've done this before." Edward adds and rests his forehead against my shoulder.

Royce nods with a smirk. "It helps gets the truth out when the guy _thinks _we're gonna kick his ass."

Edward snickers and I elbow him lightly.

"Anyway, I was gonna go today, but Cullen reminded me what tonight is. So we'll probably just go tomorrow." Royce crosses his arms and avoids my eyes.

Technically, my birthday isn't until tomorrow, so I don't say anything when he doesn't wish me a happy birthday. I don't even comment on the fact that he forgot what tonight was. I just stay quiet and wait for him to break the awkward silence.

Edward remains quiet and leaves it to Royce to speak first. "So, yeah. Sorry I called you over here for no reason. But since you're here, I need to tell you that I'm also worried about how close the kids have gotten to—"

"_Don't_." Edward quickly cuts Royce off and scowls.

"Quit being in denial, Cullen. It's gonna happen whether you acknowledge it or not." Royce shakes his head at Edward with concern in his eyes.

I turn to look at Edward closely. "What's he talking about?"

"Nothing," Edward says staring daggers at Royce.

The tension in the room grows thick and suffocating. My eyes dart from Edward to Royce, waiting to see who looks away first. Their stuck in one of those silent battle of wills. It's weird and creepy. I don't even know if Edward has told Royce about his own mom yet. I wonder if he ever will.

"Bella! Rose wants to talk to you!" Sam shouts from the living room and I gratefully take this moment of distraction to exit the kitchen.

"'Sup, buttercup?" I greet my bestie in relief and plop back down onto the couch.

The first words out of her mouth are: "Don't forget to double check with Connie and make sure she's turned in all the forms for Nationals. She always waits until the very last minute and it drives me _crazy_. Make sure she doesn't forget."

I already know this and I've already spoken with our Official Cheer Coach a few weeks ago about this. I know all about her games. How could I ever forget? I'm so used to listening to Rose bitch about it, I anticipate every move Connie makes—or _forgets_ to make.

"Yes, Rose." Is all I say in return.

"It's in four weeks, Bella. Nationals is like a month away. Are you prepared for that?" She gets in cheer captain mode, but wait, I thought that was _my _job now?

It irritates me.

"Yes, I know! _Duh!_" I end up snapping at her.

"_DUH!_" Bailey screams into the phone, but it's still at my ear and now I think I'm deaf. But damn, that was funny. I hold up my hand for her to high five me.

"All right, all right." Rose backs off—_finally_. "But one more thing."

I groan.

She laughs. "Have fun tonight, birthday girl."

I can't stop the grin that takes over. "Thank you."

"I sent you a little something. I'm hoping it came today, lord knows I paid an arm and a leg for overnight delivery—well," she snickers, "my aunt and uncle did, anyway."

We laugh together and say our goodbyes just as Edward comes into the living room with Royce not too far behind. I take a look at the time and stretch my arms.

"We gotta go soon, babe." I yawn and look up at my boyfriend. "You need to shower and get dressed and then we gotta get back to my house to meet with Mak and Kate."

"Yeah, all right." He nods and leans over the couch to pull me up to my feet after I've hugged everyone on the couch goodbye. "Later gaters." Edward ruffles Sam and Bailey's hair. Jack is still out cold and he just runs a hand over his head gently then follows me to the front door.

"Aye," Royce calls out, "think about what I said, Cullen."

Edward never turns around.

-x-

Royce isn't coming tonight.

I didn't really expect him to though after finding out he didn't even bother to remember it. Doesn't make it sting any less, but whatever. At least Edward will be with me. My friends will be there.

I wish Rose was going to be there.

Which is why I'm so disappointed that Royce isn't coming. At least if Royce came, I'd feel like a piece of Rose was there, too. They're a lot closer now and I think they talk almost every night. This is a good thing. I want them to work out. I really, really do.

"Babe!" I shout from inside the bathroom where I have my hair clipped off into sections while I flatiron it straight and then roll it into 2 inch curlers. Being a girl is so high maintenance. Especially when it comes to getting dressed up for special occasions.

Edward appears at the door looking so damn good in dark slim-fit jeans and a double pocket red, white, and black plaid jacket over a white vintage t-shirt. He's wearing the new pair Lebron James Nike Air Force Ones I bought him for his birthday. Dear God they were expensive, but so worth it. His face had lit up in both shock and excitement when saw them. He'd been so pissed to drive two hours away to a Footlocker in Olympia and stand in line for another two hours only to be told they were sold out.

My poor baby—I am _so _glad I had to stay behind that day for cheer practice. Lines are not my thing, I hate them. I like to shop via the wonderful internet. Which is exactly what I did to get him those damn sneakers in his size. EBay is my best friend—and also my shopping addiction enabler.

"Wh—wait—what the fuck?" Edward does a double take at my appearance. "Hey Lady Gaga, have you seen my girlfriend?"

I smack him and roll my eyes. "Shut up!"

He laughs and braces himself against the doorframe. "You look like Medusa."

"I know, right?" I laugh loudly. "So totally funny!" We laugh together. "Hilarious even!" We laugh some more—and then my face blanks out. "Haa—_no_."

"No?" He asks.

I shake my head.

He scratches behind his ear.

I hand him my flat iron.

He frowns at it and then looks at me as if I've gone crazy.

"I need you to get the back." I turn around and grab a strip of hair for him.

He just stares at me in the mirror. "You're serious?"

"Yes?" I give him a questioning look that says—it's-my-birthday-and-you-are-my-slave-so-don't-question-me.

"All right, all right." He grabs my hair and pulls the flat iron through.

"Ow!" I wince as pieces of my hair snap free from my head. "Holy crap not that hard!"

"How the hell is it supposed to get straight? You need pressure or some shit on here, right?" He does it again and I cringe and bite my lip in pain. "Wait a minute…" He grimaces. "Is your hair supposed to smoke like this?"

"No, not really!" I jerk away and grab the flat iron from him. "Like this." I demonstrate the correct way to straighten hair and then hand it back to him. Luckily, I only have to show him once how to roll my hair into a curler. Then again he only had to do it three times where as I've done it… way more than that.

"Now what?" He leans against the door again and crosses his arms.

I sigh and hop up onto the sink. "Now we wait until Kate and Mak get here so I can get ready."

"Then what the hell is this called?" He waves a hand over me and points to my hair.

I smirk. "Welcome to my world."

The confused expression on his face causes me to slip off the sink from laughing so hard. He has to grab my hips to steady me and then he shuts me up with his mouth.

"I can't wait until it's just you and me tonight." His hands cup my ass which is only covered with boy shorts. He nips at my bottom lip and slicks his tongue across it.

"We're alone right now…" My hands slip up the inside of his shirt and explore his warm skin and firm chest.

He grins into my neck and then get's bonked in the eye with a curler. "_Shit!_" He flies backward and presses a hand to his face. "Not funny." He tries to look mad at me when I giggle, but it's obvious he wants to laugh, too.

"Hold still," he says to me and leaves the bathroom.

I lean toward the mirror and check out my makeup. Smokey eyes that are black lined and long lashed stare back at me. I look pretty damn good if I do say so myself. It's not every day I get to glam up like this, I kinda like it. I wonder if Edward does—wait a minute, is that a pimple?!

"_Shit_." I wrinkle my nose at the red dot on my chin and lean in for a more closer inspection.

Doing this knocks my flatiron to the ground and I thank God that it's unplugged but it's still hot and—ouch! I hiss and jump back when it touches the tops of my toes. I move to retrieve the fallen iron and set it back onto the counter before I bend down to look at my foot. No burn marks, but it's a little red. I wince when I touch it with the tip of my finger.

A bright flash from behind knocks me off my balance and causes me to whirl around and fall on my ass. "Edward!" I shriek and look up to see him grinning like a fool with my camera in hand. "Did you just take a picture of my ass?" My eyes widen in realization. "You freak!"

He chuckles. "I'm an opportunist." He winks and snaps another picture of me with my back against the wall, legs bent and open at my sides.

I quickly snap my knees together and glare up at him. He wiggles his brows and holds out a hand to help me up. "You all right?" He smirks and runs a hand down my spine to cup my ass and caresses it gently.

I want to rest my head against his shoulder, but I know that's near impossible with these damn curlers in my hair. I think he knows this, because he starts to slide his hands up and down my back and it makes me all warm and fuzzy. I smile at him and then lift my chin so that he knows I want his lips on mine. When our mouths connect I sigh with pleasure and he growls deep within his throat and yanks me to him so that we're pressed against each other.

"Edward." I exhale softly. "We can't."

His lips are soft against my cheek, but his chin is rough as it scratches along the side of my face. I shiver because it burns so good.

"Your ass is mine later." His hands grip my hips as a warning, fingers digging into my butt. Then he moves to whisper into my ear, "And I mean that in every way possible."

_Oh, fuck._

-x-

Excitement tingles through my veins as the anticipation of the party tonight starts to flutter in my belly. My leg won't stop bouncing while I watch Kate pull the large barrel curlers out of my hair through the mirror over my dresser. Mak is sitting on my bed scrolling in the deep on her phone and looks like Jessica Rabbit in her dress. Everyone looks great tonight.

"I feel like we're supposed to have a pillow fight right now." I smile and shrug my shoulders. I don't think I remember the last time I had a sleepover like this.

Kate opens her mouth to reply, but is silenced when a pillow is suddenly launched at my face so hard it causes me to slip off the chair and fall on my ass. Normally this would make me cut a bitch, but at this moment I can't stop laughing. I _so_ asked for that.

"Mak!" I shout through a fitful of laughter.

"You said!" Her grin is so wide the apples of her cheeks take over her face. Through the slant of her lash lids I can see her hazel eyes sparkle with mischief—I will have to watch this one tonight.

"Mak! Now look at Bella's hair!" Kate huffs and shakes her head as she picks through the mess that is my head. Her own hair is blown out to perfection and the contrast of her dark red locks against her bright blue irises gives her almost an elfish look. She looks great in soft crème tones, it compliments her pale skin and makes the light dust of freckles across her nose endearing.

"Sorry." Mak has the decency to look apologetic and guilty while she watches Kate attempt to tame the beast that is now my haystack hair.

"Oh, fuck it." I roll my eyes, push back from my desk, and flip my head over so I can shake out my hair and run my fingers through it while Kate screams at me to stop.

When I stand up—whoa, head rush—I look like a lioness.

"Wow," Mak gasps, "you look like a naughty vixen!" She jumps up from the bed and rushes over to turn me toward the mirror. "The volume of your hair is outrageous and sexy as hell, Bella." She pushes a piece aside and arranges some strands around.

Kate purses her lips in deep thought. "Hmmm…" She circles me and pauses to my right. "Mak, bring the me that big pink bag over there."

Mak skips over to grab it and—I kid you not—does a twirl on her way back. She is cheesing like a mofo right now. "You're gonna _love _it!"

She jumps up onto my computer desk and swings her legs back and forth. Makenna is one of the most adorable human beings on the planet, I swear it. She is the only one I know who is able to pull of the innocent little girl act and still remind me of a playboy bunny.

Kate sets the gift bag on my lap and nods for me to look inside. I dive in and pull out masses of pink and white tissue paper before finally getting to the bottom. What I feel in my hand is a soft and stretchy material, it's definitely a dress of some type. I pull it out and my eyes widen in amazement at the dress that is in my hands. I am going to look like a total rock star.

The dress is cocktail short and metallic silver with yellow, black and purple colors that looked like electric bolts bursting throughout the design. The straps are a mix between yellow and green and crisscross in the back. It's fucking fabulous and I can't believe it's mine.

"A little something from Rose and I." Kate grins and then turns around to grab another gift, a smaller box wrapped in a deep purple paper. "This one is just is from Rose."

I take the present and tear open a corner, the paper is so pretty. I feel like I have to be delicate with it. Inside is a white box with silver designs across the front. I feel nervous as I pull the top off and push past the white tissue paper. It's a beautifully crafted, silver plated frame that says: _Love_ at the bottom with a shiny red heart for the _O_. The picture inside is fuzzy, a black and white mess of—I gasp and my hand flies to my mouth.

Tears well up immediately, my throat feels full and my chest tightens. Kate's hand on my shoulder pulls me back to reality and Mak has a gentle smile on her face a few feet away.

"It's beautiful," Kate whispers and Mak nods in agreement with glassy eyes.

I bite my lip when it starts to tremble and see that Kate already has my phone out for me to call Rosalie.

She answers on the first ring and I whimper, "She's beautiful, Rose."

Rosalie laughs deeply in a raspy and sleep filled tone. "I know it's not much, but you can totally see the outline of her. It's the first time I've _really _seen her and I wanted you to see her, too."

I nod my head even though she can't see me and wipe away a tear. "She has your nose." I joke.

We laugh together and she sighs. "I'm keeping her, Bella."

I smile. "I know, babe and I'm so proud of you. You're so strong and brave and you're going to be an amazing mom."

"Stop!" She shouts playfully, but I can hear that she's about to cry. "I don't want to cry right now. Royce is going to call me in a few minutes and I swear he always knows if I've been crying. He's so protective and it's driving me mad crazy!"

I love hearing her sound so comfortable and happy, especially since she's talking about Royce. I'm so relieved they've finally gotten to this point with each other. We talk for a few more minutes and then say our goodbyes. I promise to take pictures and upload them later so she can see them. She promises to talk to Royce about changing his mind tonight without my ever even telling her that he wasn't coming. I tell her it's fine and to just relax tonight while I party hard for the both of us.

"Love you, Bell. Happy birthday," she says before we hang up.

"Love you, too. Thanks." I set my phone down. I try so hard not to let any tears fall, but I fail and wipe at my face and I really hope I didn't mess up my makeup.

"Aww, Bella!" Mak slides off of my desk to hug me and a bunch of junk falls to the floor. "Oops! Sorry." She makes an embarrassed face and starts to gather up the mess.

Kate hands me my dress again and I head into the bathroom to change before coming back out and asking her to zip the back. The black stilettos that wait for me on my bed make me cringe at the very thought of walking in them. I bite my bottom lip and wonder if I can get away with wearing my purple converse instead.

"Hey, Bella?" Mak says over by my desk where she's organized things.

"Yeah?" I turn to her I see her holding up my package from Vassar.

"Um… were you gonna open this?" she asks cautiously.

I can feel my heart start to pound away and my blood roar in my ears. I clear my throat and slowly approach her as if she'll runaway otherwise.

_Shit—shit—shit!_

"Bella!" Kate comes over and snatches the large envelope from Mak's hands. "Is this form Vassar? Oh my gosh, congratu—"

"Don't open it!" I scream and all but tackle her to the ground for the fucking package.

Both girls stare at me as if I've grown a third boob.

I clutch it to my chest and take a deep breath. "I…"

A look of understanding passes over Mak's angelic face. "You haven't told Edward yet."

My eyes close as I slowly shake my head. "Now's not a good time."

"Fuck _that_." Kate scoffs and stands beside me with arms crossed. "Bella, this is awesome. You got into your first choice school, why the hell are you hiding it?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I try so hard to keep the edge out of my tone. "It's… complicated, okay?" I explain while shoving the damn opposing packet into my top dresser drawer. "Can we please just pretend like this didn't happen?"

Kate looks over at Mak who stares back at her for a few seconds before she looks at me. "Yeah." She forces a smile. "Sure, Bella."

"It's just… it's not a good time. There's a lot going on right now and I don't want to stir up anything between me and Edward. I'm going to tell him." I watch their faces as I inwardly dare them to contradict me. "After Nationals, when all the pressure is over and he's dealt with his stuff with his…" I shake my head. "Now is just not a good time."

"You said that." Kate reminds me with a grimace on her face.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Well, it is."

They nod their heads with and gather their things for us to go. The party starts in 30 minutes and we haven't eaten anything yet. Kate suggests Giovanni's and we all agree on it. Just before I switch off the light in my room, I pause and stare at my dresser where I've hidden my future. I don't know how much longer I can avoid it anymore.

But now is just really not a good time.

"Bella!" Jake calls up the stairs to me. "Get your ass down here and take a shot with us!"

A grin splits my face and I hurry down to join everyone in the kitchen. Edward pulls me to his side and dips his head to kiss my lips tenderly. I yank him back to me before he straightens and put more passion into the kiss. I want him to know how much him being with me tonight means to me.

Mak passes everyone a shot and I notice that Peter has joined our group. I didn't even hear him come in. Kate is beaming and she gives me a wink and lifts her shot glass up into the air. Everyone quickly does the same and I'm the last to raise my own.

"To a kick ass night in honor of our birthday girl!" Kate shimmies her hips and we all laugh at her quirkiness.

"To Bella!" Everyone shouts and clinks before we each throw our heads back and swallow our dry shots of Patron Silver.

"All right!" Jake slaps his hands together and rubs them manically. "Let's fuck some shit up!" He smirks at us.

"To the fucking!" Kate blurts out and we all laugh so hard I have to hang onto Edward to keep from falling over.

Tonight is going to be amazing.

I can feel it.

-x-

_Come together and join the parade_

_And get back walk on lost in the trade_

_With the plants and the shimmering beats_

_With the wind in my hair, you're free_

_Come on get down_

_Come get down_

_Make a mess, make a bow_

_Come on get down_

_Come get down_

_Mighty youth, here and now_

_So come on honey cut yourself to pieces_

_Come on honey give yourself completely_

_And do it all though you can't believe it_

_Youth knows no pain_

_Youth knows no pain_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Youth Knows No Pain_ by _Lykke Li_.

**TK FIC REC:** Olympic Rain and Novocain by AddiCakes.

**I will never pull TSB unless FF does.**

**If this happens, I also post at: theslowestburn. wordpress. com**

My twitter: Typokween

**AN #2 (If you've even gotten this far without closing out already)**: I usually hate long AN's but apparently no one reads my tumblr or twitter so here it goes… I appreciate each and every one of you who read and review or even just read this fic. I hate that I'm unable to thank you all individually. I really fucking wish I had the time to do so, as it is, I rarely even have the time to write this fic. But I really hope that you understand how much I love you—yes YOU reading this right now. I gots mad love for you, homie.

That being said, I need to address the little backhanded comments I get on Tumblr and even sometimes in Review or Private Messages. Look, I get that it sucks waiting between updates—hell, I even feel that way about a few fics out there—but I would never bitch at that author. I would never call them a liar, or threaten to stop reading their story, or playfully demand updates, or ask (demand) a specific time period of when the next update is coming. **That's rude**. Please don't make me bust out into an Aretha Franklin song, all right? Shit, now I'm listening to that song and I gotta go dance around the house.

*hops down from soap box*

Thank you, have a nice day.

P.S. I still love you.


	35. Cough Syrup

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would not be updating from my desk at work right now...

THANK YOUS—_Jess: You never have to do a damn thing to get credited._ _DarlingSaila: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! This story is lost without you! LondonStew (the Penny to my Amy): Thanks for listening to my crazy rambles and being forever awesome! EVERYONE: Thank you for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… I am so sorry this took so long._

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ someone gives you a bedazzled baton and points at a giant stuffed penis dangling above your head.

**Ch. 35:** _Cough Syrup  
><em>

Excitement tingles in my blood as we all set out to get into our cars and meet up for pizza, but Edward stops me with a short jerk to the front of his chest.

"God_damn_, Bella." His eyes roam all over me and settle at my tits. "You look…" He bites his bottom lip and shakes his head as he steps back to take me all in. "Fine as hell, girl." There's a fire in his gaze when our eyes meet again.

I actually start blushing, the blood rushes to my cheeks and someone honks as they drive away, but I never look away from Edward. I just step closer and wrap my arms around his neck and he grins, and I feel his hands slide down my back to my ass, and then he's lifting and my legs are around his waist and he's smashing our hips together with his mouth viciously attacking mine. My skin is like lava and I melt all over him while heat collects and gathers down between my legs—I feel like a volcano ready to erupt. I want him alone, and I want him _now_.

"Later," he whispers against my lips and slowly sets me back down to my feet. "C'mon." He opens the driver's side door and motions for me to get in.

I groan and slide across the seat, the cool leather move smoothly against the backs of my thighs and I shiver from the invigorating sensation. I can feel what little control I have left inside of me slip away the moment he turns the ignition. The loud roar of the engine vibrates and sends tingles all over my sensitive flesh. It's so good I press myself against his side and place my hand onto his collar, teasing him with my fingertips that I feather down his chest all the way down to the bulge in his pants.

"Is it later yet?" I ask him with an arched brow.

He sucks in a deep breath through gritted teeth and his jaw tightens as he struggles to reel his primal urges back under control. But I don't want him to; I want him to snap and attack me. I want him so badly I can't sit still—I can't even fathom leaving this driveway until I've had him. I involuntarily find myself lifting a leg to curl around his knee so that I can raise my hips and press my dampening panties against his jean-clad thigh. It makes me tremble and makes my breath catch in my throat as a small moan escapes my lips.

"Fuck. Shit. We're…gonna be late…" he tries, to get me to relent.

I nibble his ear and stroke my palm up and down his length through his pants while I continuously rub my naked thighs together. My dress has hiked up dangerously high, and I take his hand from the steering wheel to place it on my hip.

"Touch me, Edward," I beg him. "_Please?_"

Faster than I thought possible, I'm straddling his lap on my knees and his mouth crashes into mine, forcing his tongue past my lips. Teeth clash together, lips are bitten, breaths are stolen, hips are grinding, and my fingers fist in his hair to pull him even closer. Strong hands pull the bottom of my dress up past my hips and then they're on my ass and slamming me down onto his erection.

I whimper and dig my nose into the crook of his neck. I inhale his crisp soapy scent mixed with a slather of cologne and revel in the spicy cinnamon taste from his mouth. I lick him from the bottom of his jaw to the top of his ear and bite his lobe.

"Why do I always seem to lose myself in you?" he moans into my collarbone and kisses his way up my throat to suck on my neck with wet lips, sexy nibbles, and a rough tongue that makes my entire body shiver. "You're amazing, you know that?"

My eyes shut tight as I start to slowly rock my pussy against his coarse jeans. "Edward," I cry, desperately seeking more friction, "_please_."

"Please what, baby?" he asks with lips that tempt and teeth that tease. "Tell me, Bella. Tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. Just ask, baby."

His words send a shiver down my spine that causes my thighs to quiver and one of his hands to slip down between us. "Ooh, fuck! I want you—so, so badly, Edward." I wrap my arms around his neck and circle my hips into his hand. "God, you make me feel…" I can't find the words so I cover his mouth with mine.

"Hmmm…" He growls deeply in the back of his throat and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. "Did you know…" the tip of his nose slips up the side of my face so that he can say into my ear "…that I'm always hungry for you and your hot little pussy."

I undergo an uncontrollable wave of lust that shoots through me, and it leaves behind that tingling feeling you get before your skin goes numb—except it never stops. My stomach muscles tighten when I'm at the highest point of arousal and release slowly until I climb back up. I feel almost like a heart monitor with all these ups and downs—intense and intimate.

His hands are everywhere—my waist, my shoulders, up my neck, in my hair, cupping my face. I feel my nipples tighten against the material of my dress and I know Edward knows I'm not wearing a bra. I urge him to give attention to them by leaning back so that his eyes go to my breasts.

"Hello, precious," he whispers as one hand yanks down the dip in the front of my dress so that he gains access to one pert nipple, which he covers with his tongue and sucks into his mouth. My head tilts back, my mouth falls open—I can't breathe. Every teasing nip is a lightning strike straight to my pussy, my walls pulse and clench, making me more desperate for penetration.

"That's right, baby. You keep rubbing that tight pussy against me until it makes you beg." He lifts his thigh for more fiction and I whimper in return. "What part of me do you want most, huh? My cock?" He grounds me down onto his erection. "My fingers?" One quick pass of two fingers slick over the wet panties between my thighs. "How about my tongue?" He flattens it against my throat and licks his way up to my ear.

I buck into him like a wild animal and immediately start to plead for him to touch me—love me—_fill _me.

"Yeah, you like when I talk like that, don't you?" he whispers softly. His nose feathers down between my tits with warm breath on my wet nipples that sends my eyes into the back of my head. "Say you like it," he demands and cups my other breast, kneading it to a point just as sharp as its twin.

I gasp and feel an abrupt flourish of incredible pleasure pulse between my legs and up into my chest. "Yes. Oh, God—yes! I fucking love it! I need it, I want it!"

"You want to know what I want to do to you right now?" His lips are now at my ear, hot breath coating my face and down my neck to my collarbone. "I want you upstairs in your room, so I can bend you over your dresser and you can watch me take what's mine. Because you're mine, Bella. _Say it_." He grabs a fistful of my hair at the back of my head and pulls.

I tremble uncontrollably and shout, "Oh, God—_yours!_"

He releases his hold and places it somewhere else—my pussy. "Fuck, you're so wet," he curses against my chin, nipping me lightly with his teeth. "Damn, baby, you hear that?" His fingers tease and circle my clit. "That's how wet I make you, baby. That's how much you want me."

I tremble beneath his meticulous touch slipping up and down between my folds until he's finally pushing one and then two of his fingers into me all the way up to his knuckles. The penetration causes my nails to dig into his shoulders and my eyes to lose sight, just black dots and white lights. My chest heaves in and out with quick, short pants of air as my hips roll and rock against the amazing sensation of him inside of me.

"Do you have any idea how fucking hot that sound is?" he continues. "Do you know how good you taste on my tongue? How fucking beautiful you are when you come?" He curls his fingers to tease inside of me before he pulls out and brings my arousal to his mouth and groans in pleasure. "You're the sweetest honey, Bella."

"Oh, shit—oh, God!" I scream and squeeze my thighs against his hips as he moves his fingers in and out again. "Like that, Edward. Don't stop—right there, right there—yes!" My entire body is rocked with intense waves of lust, a pounding heart, coiled muscles, and a heightened sense of touch.

His long fingers slip up in a perfect V form between my folds and then presses and pinches. I jump and yelp and shake over him. My pussy throbs and pulses and clenches in reaction to his relentless teasing. When his fingertips taunt my opening, I lift my hips and his palm pushes against my roused clit. I whimper when he abruptly pulls away without warning. His mouth descends and I lower my chin to capture his lips with mine. The rough fabric of his jeans rubs and burns my inner thighs up until he pushes my knees back, so that my legs open wider, and he plunges two long, lithe fingers deep inside of me.

"Fuck!" I yell and pitch forward with my hands out to grab his shoulders for balance. "Yeah—oh, yeah," I cry out. "_Yes—yes—yes!_" I pull my hips back and forth so that I'm fucking his fingers. My back hits the steering wheel and causes the car to honk, but it does nothing to slow my rhythm.

"Tell me when you're close," he grunts and makes work with the zipper at the back of my dress. I feel a draft against my skin when I'm undone and shiver from the hot-cold I feel in the car. I'm burning up, but it's still cold outside.

My stomach and pelvis tighten and my chest heaves up and down as I struggle for breath. I feel my pussy clench around his fingers as the throbbing between my legs intensifies and my knees draw up to my elbows instinctively. One of my hands dives into his wild mess of hair so that I can suck his tongue into my mouth and curl my body toward his.

"Fuck, Bella…I can smell you." He teases me further and hooks his fingers inside, hitting a certain spot that makes me yelp and quake in his arms as I beg and plead for him to go faster, push deeper—_please—please—don't stop!_

"You want my mouth on you, baby?" He pulls his hand back and asks with glistening lips and hungry eyes.

I want him everywhere.

I say, "I want you everywhere—_in me, on me_."

Then I take his face into my hands, so that I can fuck his mouth with my tongue and grind myself down onto his clothed cock, and I can feel a knot of tension of energy collect deep inside of me. My skin is on fire and every part of me feels so, so good, and he keeps yanking me down onto him and he's so damn hard inside his jeans and I want him inside me so fucking badly!

He all but rips my dress over my head and throws it into the backseat. "You have the sexiness fucking tits, baby." His gaze is locked onto my nipples, his thumbs rub around them in circles, he licks his lips and leans forward to take one into his mouth and pinch the other with his fingers.

"Ah!" I yelp when he bites and pulls at my nipples with his hard teeth that hurt so good, a sharp sting followed by a flick of an apologetic tongue. I'm paralyzed with sensations that rip through me in drums of powerful desire that prick my skin like needles. His lips purse and blow hot air against wet tips gleaming with his saliva.

I want to return the favor.

My hands push his jacket off his shoulders then fumble for the bottom of his shirt. He reaches and pulls from the back of his neck, up and over his head, where it joins my carelessly discarded dress. His body is so built, every solid muscle worked up into a tight bulge beneath pale, soft skin that tenses beneath my touch and turns to gooseflesh.

My lips seek out that special place over his heart and press gently, once, twice. I feel him shudder below me in response and my tongue slips out and circles his nipple before I bare teeth that clamp down and pull. The deep, pleasurable sound he makes stirs me on to trail kisses upward to his chin, his lips, his brows…and then I lose myself in his wild fucking hair.

"You're so fucking sexy, Bella," he hisses between my breasts, his breath searing my skin, making me quiver in his arms. "I want you all the time—all the fucking time, baby." He grunts and thrusts up from the seat to press his cock against my pussy. I need him naked, like, _now_. I go for his fly and we both fight with his belt and jeans to get them down past his knees.

"I need you, Edward. I want you and this amazing fucking cock of yours." I pause and wrap my fingers around it, sliding my fisted hands up and down his length. "I love it in my mouth, in my pussy, between my tits…" I palm over the head of his dick and press a thumb into the slit at the top, smearing the drops of pre-cum all over.

"Ah!" He reacts by grabbing my ass with hands that squeeze and fingers that dig so deep that his nails delve into skin like a knife through butter. "That's it, baby. Just like that. Make me beg for it."

The power I have over him is an aphrodisiac straight to the apex between my thighs. I feel empowered and sexy, desirable and feral. I can make him say and do whatever I want right now. I can make him beg and plead for me.

The seat reclines with his chin in the air and his throat open for me to kiss, bite, and lick at my leisure. "Will it always be like this, Edward?" I ask in a husky voice. "I'll never get enough."

"_Always_," he says with one hand around the thin material at my hip, which he twists and, in one quick yank, rips them right off of me. His aggressive behavior make my pussy throb with a need that only he can fulfill—because no one else knows my body the way he does.

He lifts me and my hand shakes in anticipation as I reach down to line us up just before he slams me back down onto his cock—and it's so good I sink my teeth into his shoulder and scream into his skin. He's plunged deep inside of me to the hilt so hard that my ass slapped against his thighs. I suck in a gasp and hold it—he's so deep in me that I swear I can feel him in my stomach.

"Ooh, f-fuck!" I repeat over and over, unable to form a clear thought—just sensations. This is my favorite part; this is when I feel the closest to him—like we're one body and it feels so, so fucking good. Hard pulses clenching and unclenching around his girth, vibration from his chest to mine as he growls deep within his throat while he struggles to wait for me to adjust. I'm so tight and he's so hard. There's always a delicious stretch inside of me no matter how slow or fast, gentle or rough, he is when he slides or pounds his cock into me.

He raises his chin and our lips touch once, twice, before I start to roll my hips over his slowly, and it makes me gasp and moan as his cock touches and ignites parts inside of me that only he knows how. Parts that make me shudder in his grasp, make me lose focus, make me give myself over to him completely and pray that he won't stop. My clit rubs his pubic bone with every move we make and I swear it's like nothing exists but for that sensation alone.

"Yeah, right there—_fuck yes_, just like that, baby," he groans into my ear hungrily. "Ride my cock, Isabella."

His words stir me on.

"_Edward.._." I pant over him, speeding up my thrusts and undulating my hips harder, until I'm practically bouncing in his lap. I hug his face into my neck, crush my fingers in his hair, and squeeze him between my thighs while he pushes and pulls and takes over with his hands at my hips. My heart flutters, my lungs burn, and my mouth falls open but no sound comes out. He sucks my skin between his teeth hard, borderline painful, but then his tongue slicks over his bite—a silent apology that leaves my skin wet and cool when he pants over the damp surface.

"Fuck, I'm close. Touch yourself, baby." He takes one of my hands from his hair and guides it down between us.

I touch the tips of my fingers to my clit, and then down further to feel his cock slide in and out of my pussy. It's erotic, and ten times more arousing than watching it—we're slick and wet, and he's so firm and big. I whine and bite down onto my lip, eyes closing, head falling back, hips rising, circling, pushing, pulling...

I shiver and feel his thumb push my fingers aside to circle my clit to perfection as the buildup finally comes to a head. I start to uncoil. A controlling sense of awareness hits me as my stomach and pelvis tighten like a fist is squeezing and then slowly pushing the tension down to my pussy where it pulses and throbs until it explodes. And it's so intense I have to grab onto Edward's shoulders for balance while I arch into him, and a sob pushes past my lips as I cry his name out repeatedly.

He speeds up his pace and lifts his hips up into mine while yanking me down, our flesh slaps and sticks and slides against each other. I gasp and hold onto him while I ride out my orgasm, but it seems to only intensify and build up all over again. I'm spinning and he's starting to shout curses between moaning my name, and his arms wrap around my waist so that I'm flush against him. He breathes deeply with hands gripped against the back of my shoulders, yanking me down as he thrusts up at random.

"I love you," I continuously whisper into his ear as I feel the waves of pleasure shock me. "I need you, _please_," I beg him, and he stiffens and grunts and moans, then I feel him pulse and release inside—spilling his seed inside me, filling me with everything that makes him mine. He lifts his chin so that I cover his mouth with mine and swallow his throaty growl while we push and pull in the aftershock. His rhythm finally begins to slow into mine in short spasms before he exhales and collapses into the crook of my shoulder.

"Oh, fuck, Bella. I love you." He pants and grabs my face roughly to plunge his tongue between my lips. "You fucking own me, baby. All of me." He struggles for breath and instinctively I move against his softening cock, rocking out those last few zings of bliss.

I kiss his cheek and move my mouth to his ear. "Never stop."

-x-

**FACEBOOK Status: **

**Emmett McCarty **_Will someone please locate the birthday girl before I put up flyers and put her on a milk carton? _

Comments:

**Kate Stone** I can guess where she is…

**Makenna Levine **haha, yeah, me too. did you see the way they were eye-fucking before we left?

-x-

Kate said that Jasper isn't coming, which is a relief because I don't want Edward to get upset. Not to mention that I'm still not on speaking terms with Jasper myself—he hasn't even _tired _to apologize for what he said to me that day in the Snack Shack. He hardly comes to school anymore, and when he does he only talks to Emmett. It's obvious something is going on with him, but I can't allow myself to get involved.

He's not my boyfriend anymore.

"Hey." Edward's voice draws me back into the present and I tilt my head closer to his outstretched hand and rub my cheek against his fingers.

"Hey." I smile at him and scoot closer when he jerks his chin for me to do so.

"What's the matter, pretty girl?" he asks me with a slight wrinkle in his brow.

I shake my head and shrug. "Just thinking about stuff and how much you being here means to me."

His arm snakes around my waist and his hand settles on my hip. "I told you that I'm trying, Bella. This is me doing that."

"I know." I curl into him and press my forehead beneath his chin only to pull back to nuzzle him with my nose. "Tonight has been perfect."

His fingers dig into my thigh. "Night's not over yet." I grin and rest my head at his shoulder and Edward says, "So, about that tattoo you want to get…"

I twist my fingers at the front of his shirt and pull him over so I can kiss his face. "What about it?" I whisper up into his ear.

"I was thinking my name…" he pauses and his hand slithers down my waist, past my hip, and around to between my knees and works its way back up, "right…" I suck in a quick gasp and hold it in anticipation, "_here_." His fingers stop just short of the promised land.

I shiver and bring my leg up to hook it below his knee. Good thing he's driving like a granny right now, I'm pretty sure we'd be in a ditch otherwise. "Will you come with me?" I breathe hotly against his jaw line and nip at his prickly skin. "Hold my hand for me? _Distract _me if it hurts too much?"

"_Fuuuck, Bella_." He hisses through gritted teeth and it's then, as we skid and bump up Emmett's driveway, that I realize we've arrived.

He leaves the engine running and revs a loud roar so that his flowmasters alert everyone inside and outside the house of our presence. It causes the entire Impala to vibrate, and it adds to the burning fire of lust inside of me. He scares a couple of kids on his second rev and causes one of them to drop their drink where it splatters all over their shoes.

He's such an asshole.

I fucking love him.

I jump into his lap and grind myself into him so good that I have to pull back and roll my hips again two more times, and his mouth latches onto mine, hot and wet, and his teeth tease and bite at my bottom lip savagely. The engine continues to run and the mufflers shake and snarl viciously as Edward's foot presses harder and harder. It turns me on so hard that I forget where we are and who is watching and I rub up and down his jean-covered cock like a wanton slut.

I'm ravenous and insatiable tonight.

"Jesus—shit—what are you doing?" He grunts and thrusts up into me then grips my hips and slams me down onto his erection. "Oh, fuck… Baby, are you wet for me again?" he groans and slips a hand between us so that he can slick the tips of his fingers up and down my slit. "Jesus, you'll be the end of me, Bella Swan."

I moan into his mouth in response.

"Hey, lovebirds!" Jacob's voice is too close for comfort, and the hand he slams down onto the roof of the car snaps both Edward and me back into focus like a bucket of cold water. "Get a room!" Jake makes a disgusted face and turns away to cover his eyes with Makenna's hands.

"Don't fucking touch my car, fuckface!" Edward shouts angrily at the rolled up window and scowls at the middle finger Jake shows him.

Embarrassed and still too turned on to move, I bury my face in Edward's neck. "Oh, my God."

"Fucking, Jake." His guttural growl is tight and filled with unleashed energy. "You okay?" He kisses my cheek and his fingers cradle the back of my head so that we stare into each other's eyes.

I can only nod.

"Get-out-of-the-car," Jake enunciates as if we're incapable of intelligent thought.

I pull out of Edward's lap and realize that I need serious clean up on aisle Isabella, stat. I wrinkle my nose and rub my thighs together instinctively while Edward kills the engine and pockets his keys before throwing open the driver's side door.

"Ah, fuck you." He makes a face at Jake's wiggling brow.

I'm about to ask why we're parked in the driveway until I look up and see a sign taped to the pole of a portable basketball hoop that says: **This spot is for Bella Swan ****only****! All other vehicles will be egged and defiled**.

Oh, Emmett, you got to love him irrevocably.

"Okay, before we go inside." Kate motions me to come over and stops me a few inches in front of her and whips out what looks like a sash, followed shortly by something being put on my head from behind— Mak, I assume.

I find out that I've been crowned with a very gaudy and fake diamond tiara—to which I shout loudly, "_Ooh, it's a tiaraaaa!_" The sash that's pulled over my head is white with gold trim, and in glittery gold letters it says: _18__th__ Birthday Diva!_

I can hear loud music and lots of cheerful voices the closer we get to the front door. I seriously cannot fathom how many cars are out front and how many bodies crowd the walkway to the front door. Walking inside, I'm greeted with multiple shouts of "Happy Birthday!" and "Hey, it's the Birthday Girl!"

Then I take a good look around and I realize that the house is covered with _My Little Pony_ birthday decorations. Colorful cartoon horses hang from the ceiling between yards of pastel streamers that span the entire length of the house. I can't believe my eyes, and I can't stop _laughing _at what my eyes are seeing! The further I walk inside the more ridiculousness I see, and when I head toward the drinks I stop cold and my jaw drops open.

"Is that a…" I can only point at the giant display in front of me on the center island in the enormous kitchen.

Emmett's grin grows wider—if that's even possible—and he nods his head vigorously before he walks over and grabs a wooden skewer, stabs a marshmallow and a strawberry, and places it in my hand. "Happy birthday, Smalls! You like?"

I inch my way closer to the most amazing chocolate fountain I have ever seen in real life. It's easily three feet wide and nearly that tall. It pumps gooey milk chocolate like it's straight from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I dip my skewer beneath a chocolate fall and bring it up to my lips.

"_Oh, mah gaw!_" I moan through a mouthful of deliciousness. "Bey, you hah tu tye tis!" With wide eyes I stab a large strawberry and dip it then shove it in Edward's face.

He totally looks like he wants to tell me to shove it up my ass, but it's my birthday, so instead of being an ass he slowly opens his mouth. He takes a large, sensual bite and licks his delicious lips and smirks at me because he knows I want to shove him into a closet and have my way with him. A deep chuckle rumbles from his chest and I clamp down on my bottom lip to keep from whimpering.

"You're right, that was good." He licks his lips again and I start to feel lightheaded.

"Don't start," Jake groans, and Mak giggles and kisses his cheek.

Emmett slaps his hands together and bounces on the balls of his feet. "You haven't seen the best part yet!" He reaches out to grab me but stops suddenly when he remembers Edward. "Uh…" Emmett laughs somewhat nervously and nods his head. "S'up, Cullen?"

Edward raises his chin as a greeting and then pulls me over to stand in front of him.

Possessive fucker. I roll my eyes and drag Edward with me to follow Emmett toward what I think leads to the garage. Emmett opens the door and waits for me to pass through with Edward before he flips the lights on, and all of a sudden a bunch of people shout, "_Surprise!_"

My eyes widen as they take in everything from Jessica holding a sparkly baton to Tyler with rope wrapped around one of his hands. The whole squad is here, along with others, but I can't stop staring at the gigantic cock-shaped piñata that's dangling from the ceiling. It's pink and huge and has a face!

"Oh… my…" I can't even finish my sentence. "Who…" My head swishes side to side. "Wha—why?" I end up laughing, and when I look over at Edward he's pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his bowed head.

Makenna lifts her phone to take a picture, which then reminds me that I have my own camera, and I take a picture, too. This makes everyone want a picture next to the giant cock piñata, and with lots of prompting and begging—_lots and lots _of begging—I get Edward to take a few vulgar shots with me.

"I love it!" Kate shouts, and I feel like a celebrity from all the fucking flashing lights around me. "This is so going on Facebook," Kate giggles and starts pressing buttons on her phone.

"Okay! I'm going to beat the cock now!" I hold my hand out for the bedazzled baton, not thinking about what I've just said.

Emmett snickers like a five-year-old. "Really? You want to _beat _the cock, huh?"

"Uh, yeah?" I look at him in confusion. "And I've also decided his name is Owen."

"And you're going to—" he stops to giggle like a little girl, "—_beat it?_"

Everyone howls with laughter. I close my eyes and wait for Makenna to blindfold me. She starts to spin me around—I know Jake must be helping her because I feel two sets of hands on me.

"I'm gonna puke!" I warn them as they stop to push me forward a few steps.

"All right, slugger," Jake snickers, "swing away."

I swing.

Emmett starts up a chorus of Michael Jackson's "Beat It" and my first attempt hits air—you can hear the baton break wind with a _whoosh_ sound. I take a step to the left and swing again, but I must be way off because I hear a few gasps and shrieks when I do. Shit, where is that fucker? My swings run wild in frustration and I can hear everyone dodge and yelp to get away.

"I think putting you in a closed room, blinded folded, and with a bat, was a bad idea. But then again, it was raining," Emmett says behind me.

That sets everyone off laughing at my horrible aim.

I even laugh a bit myself. "Shut up, you assholes!"

My palms feel sweaty and adrenaline surges throughout my nervous system. I take a breath and try finding my _chi_. When that doesn't work I swing away like Joaquin Phoenix from the _Signs_. It isn't until I feel the baton finally smack that I get excited and shout, "Oh, yeeeeeah, baby—that's right_!_"

"Damn, Cullen. Does she talk to you like that in the bedroom?" someone shouts, and right then everything stops—I even stop, and since I'm blindfolded I get smacked in the face with the giant cock when it swings back toward me.

"Shit!" Edward yells and I feel his hands on my back, keeping me from falling on my ass. "Jesus, Bella, you suck at this," he chuckles into my ear.

I feel my body relax at his playful tone. "Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?" I quirk my brow in his direction teasingly and he playfully pats my ass.

"In the bedroom, yes," he purrs. I'm still blindfolded, but I know he's smirking right now.

I'm about to tell him to kiss my ass when a voice cuts through the crowd and shouts, "Come on, doll! You got this!"

"Royce?" I lift my hand to pull the blindfold from my eyes. "Oh, my God—you came!" I run over to him like he's just come back from Iraq or some shit.

"_Oof!_" he grunts as I smash into the front of his chest and his arms wrap around my back. "I had some shit to do earlier, doll. I'm sorry," he says after we pull apart and I ask where he was. "Please say you forgive me, because Rose will kick my ass otherwise." He then gives me pouty-face.

"_I'll_ kick your ass!" I sock him hard in his shoulder.

His mouth drops open in shock and he turns to Edward. "You see how your girl treats me? No respect!" He winces and grabs his shoulder like it's broken. "You can hit me with no problem and yet you miss a giant cock? Seriously?"

"That's it! Give me that damn thing!" I yank the baton from Edward and beat the ever-loving life out of that damn papier-mâché penis.

My third swing breaks a hole beneath the balls—making every guy in the room wince—and fucking glitter and confetti comes pouring out all over me. I laugh and look down to see that condoms are also thrown into the mix along with cherry lollipops.

"You have some very perverted friends, Ms. Swan." Edward slips in from behind me and pulls me against him so that his mouth is at my ear.

I reach around and press my lips to his. "You love it." I grin into our kiss.

"I love _you_." He shoves his tongue in my mouth.

-x-

**FACEBOOK Status: **

**Kate Stone** _KARAOKE TIIIIIIME!_

Comments:

47 _people like this._

**FACEBOOK E-mail notification:**

_Message from _**Rosalie Hale **_to _**Lauren Mallory**.

**Rosalie Hale** who has sung what so far?

**Lauren Mallory** Bella sang Gucci Gucci by Kreashawn

**Rosalie Hale** LOL! I love it!

**Lauren Mallory **Em sang KP's Peacock n butted in on Garrett's turn of KP's I Kissed a Girl. It was SO funny! They bumped butts n Em knocked Gar over!

**Rosalie Hale** PMSL! Wish I was there!

**Lauren Mallory** Chels is singing Diva w/this girl Mak right now.

**Lauren Mallory** we miss you!

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Wall Post: to _**Makenna Levine**_ from _**Jacob Black**

**Jacob Black** you look so damn hot up there right now

Comments:

**Bella Swan** I'm taking her home tonight, Jake—jealous?

**Jacob Black** oh hell no!

**Emily Clearwater** lol sounds like you're having fun!

**Jacob Black** stay away from my gf, Bella!

**Jacob Black** stop grabbing my gf's ass, Bella!

11 _people like this._

-x-

There is cake everywhere.

In my mouth, in my eyes, my nose—my ears! But I can't stop laughing and adding to the mess with handfuls of frosting and what looks like smashed Doritos. Edward is against the farthest wall in the kitchen laughing at me and shaking his head with my camera in his hand.

It all started out so innocently. A giant cake was wheeled out with a big 1 and 8 on top as candles. I leaned over and made a wish, and right after I blew out the flames Royce smashed my face into the fucking cake. I was so surprised that it took me a few seconds to compose myself enough to pull my damn face out! But when I did, all hell broke loose.

Apparently, Royce told me that Rosalie had given strict orders to christen the cake with my face. Emmett piped in afterward to confirm that he was to be the backup smasher if Royce failed. _That _had turned into one awkward-ass moment.

A flash brings me back into the present to flip Edward the bird with my food-covered finger. I stick my tongue out at him and he takes another snapshot. Royce is cursing and trying to rub the crap out of his hair and I giggle and feel bad for him when I see that he has blue frosting up his nose.

Makenna bumps into me from behind and ducks a handful of crud from Jake, who ends up smashing it into Royce's shoulder. Mak and I fall all over ourselves laughing at the look of betrayal on Roy's face and the look of absolute shock from Jake.

"Where is Cullen?" Mak asks while wiping my face with a napkin.

I motion to the corner of the room. "Being a party pooper over there. He doesn't want to get anything on his shoes."

Which I suppose is a good idea seeing as how I spent a fortune on them.

"Bella!" Chelsea rushes up to us and hugs me to her drunkenly. "Oh my gosh, girl, happy birthday! You are, like, the bestest cheer coach ever, and I love you and love you and love you forever!" She kisses me square on the mouth and—_flash! _

"Damn it, Edward!" I laugh and attempt to scold him. He wiggles his brows and his shoulders shake with laughter.

"Let's go clean up," Mak says into my ear. "I feel like I snorted a cupcake right now." We both cover our mouths to try to hold back giggles.

I've been here so many times in my past that it doesn't even feel weird to run through Emmett's house like I am right now. Like fools, Mak and I rush into the upstairs bathroom and slam the door shut only to have someone pound on the other side. With wide eyes, Mak and I look at each other in mock horror as we think up in our minds who the hell it could be.

"You guys! Let me in! Let me in! I gotta pee!" Kate whines and knocks repeatedly on the door like she's Sheldon Cooper.

I grin and open the door.

"'Bout time! I almost pissed myself!" she shrieks and zips past us to plop down onto the toilet.

Mak and I busy ourselves with cleaning up the mess of frosting and cake from every orifice of our bodies while we try to pretend Kate isn't humming to herself as she tries to pee. But she isn't peeing. I want to laugh so badly, but instead I turn the faucet on and Kate squeals happily with a satisfied, "_Ahhh…_"

"Gross." I laugh to myself and get a wad of paper towels to swipe over my neck. Mak and I take turns helping each other out, and then Kate suggests we all take turns in the shower.

Twenty minutes later we're all tip-toeing down the stairs with wet hair and fresh faces. Not a hint of makeup and we're all so buzzed—thanks to the joint Mak stole from Jake—we don't even care. At the moment, I still feel like a rock star. Kate and Mak said I look more like a drunken prom date, but I digress.

"Where were—is your hair wet? Do—did you take a shower?" Edward lifts a lock of my hair and sniffs it. "No wonder you three took forever. We though you fell in the toilet."

I smack him playfully and roll my eyes. "You ready to go, babe? It's almost midnight."

"It's eleven thirty." I arch my brow curiously. "The night hasn't even begun yet, old man," I tease him and lightly jab at his stomach.

He takes my wrists and lifts them up to his lips. "I know, but I want to give you your present now."

My eyes fly open. "Presents?" I grin. "Say no more, gramps, let's blow this joint!"

He laughs and shakes his head. "Why are you calling me old?"

"Because, technically, for the next…" I pull my phone out and check the exact time, "…twenty-seven minutes, I'm still underage and you're the adult." I poke his chest. "You're my ol' man."

He chuckles and pulls me in for a kiss. "You're such a dork, Bella."

-x-

It takes both Royce and Jake's backseats—because Edward is big baby and doesn't want a big mess in his car—to stash all my birthday swag. I can't believe that many people willingly spent money on me. The bigger bags are from Emmett and half of those, he tells me, are actually from Rose.

I love her.

"Where are we going?" I ask Edward for, like, the fifth time since we passed the exit that would take us to his apartment.

"I told you, it's a surprise," he repeats calmly and with a slight smirk on his face.

I wiggle my foot on my knee and stare outside. "Are we there yet?"

"Seriously?" He laughs.

I sigh and grab his iPod to scroll through his songs. Coming across an awesome cover by Hugo, I select the song and turn to Edward just as it starts. "If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you, son, I got ninety-nine problems and a bitch ain't one." When the bluegrass music starts I start bopping my head and slapping my thigh to the beat.

"When did you put this on here?" Edward asks, looking confused and oh-so-adorable. I shrug innocently while singing along and soon Edward laughs and belts out the lyrics with me.

I love this boy so much that it's crazy.

-x-

I stare at him silently.

"Relax, I have a key," he says when we park in the dark and abandoned parking lot of the Forks Senior Community Center.

I purse my lips and look at the obviously closed building. "That doesn't mean you can come and go as you want, Edward."

He rolls his eyes and pushes his door open. I gape and scramble across the seat to slip out his door behind him.

"Are you crazy?" I hiss under my breath as if someone is going to find us if I speak any louder.

He looks directly in my eyes and says, "Duh."

My head falls back in exasperation. "I'm barely eighteen and already I'm about to be picked up by the cops."

He laughs and pulls me to his side. "Nah, you got six more minutes." I shake my head and bury my face in his shoulder. "What? I wanted to make sure when I gave you your gift it was on your actual birthday." He kisses my lips. "Happy birthday."

I blush at his romantic side. Damn him.

"Now, stop bitching and stick to the shadows." He smacks my ass and slinks off toward the back of the building.

"My hero." I shake my head at him and run across the lawn as secretively as I can. I feel like _Mission Impossible_ with my light steps and stealth-like moves. That is until Edward stops suddenly and I ram straight into him and fall backward right onto my ass.

It takes him nearly a whole minute before he can stop laughing enough to help me up. But the joke is on him when I pretend that I twisted my ankle again and give him a trembling lower lip, to which he immediately feels bad and swoops me up into his arms to carry me the rest of the way.

_Sucker_.

"Oh, shit!" He drops me to the ground and falls into a hunch just as a stream from a flashlight flies past. "You all right?" He looks over at my crumbled form on the ground.

I flip him the bird and roll over onto my knees. "I swear on my life, Edward, if we get in trouble…" I shake my head.

"Hey." He takes my hand in his. "Live a little, huh?" He kisses the back of my hand and I smirk and allow him to pull me further into the shadows.

I can feel my heart beating like crazy inside of my chest, and as scared as I am about getting caught, I also have never felt so alive as I do holding onto Edward's hand as we run from one end of the building to the other, struggling to keep our laughing to a minimum. Our faces burn with a hot flush of blood behind our cheeks, and with giant grins and sparkling eyes, we turn to each other and exhale at the same time.

"That was close," he whispers to me, and then I feel his hand on the small of my back leading me around a corner.

I giggle to myself and run a hand through my crazy hair. "Yeah, I can't believe we…" The sentence runs dead on my lips as I stare at the larger-than-life security guard who stands in front of the back door to the community center. He's well over six-foot-five, and with dark caramel skin and biceps the size of my fucking head he crosses his arms over his broad chest and lifts his chin at us like a challenge.

"Can I help you?" he growls in a voice that belongs to a silverback gorilla and looks down at his wristwatch. "I'd say you have about…two minutes before the black and whites get here to haul your asses off to jail."

Oh, my God. We're going to be arrested. Happy birthday, Bella. Here is your first crime as an adult that will go straight on your permanent record, and thank GOD college app background checks have already been done. _Shit, shit—shit!_

"Two minutes, huh?" Edward is the picture of calm. "A lot can happen in two minutes."

How can he be so fucking cavalier right now? I cringe as I watch the big guy crack his knuckles like he's itching for a fight. Oh, my God. The Hulk is going to crush the love of my life like a grain of salt between his fingers. My heart is going to conk out any second; it's beating so hard.

"Edward!" I hiss up at him as I clutch his side like a koala bear. "Let's go!" I start to yank on his jacket so that he'll follow me, but instead all he does is palm my cheek and wink at me. I blink up at him in shock and then gasp when he turns away from me and approaches the King Kong of security guards with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face.

"All right, enough. You're scaring my girl, here." He snorts and then reaches out for me to come to him. Which I do so, hesitantly.

"Fuck, Cullen. What took you so long?" Andre the Giant raises his boa constrictor arms above his bald head and stretches with a deep yawn. "Roy said you'd be 'bout an hour, and I told my lady I'd swing by for a few. If I don't get my dick wet tonight, it's on you." He points at my boyfriend in annoyance and then tosses a set of keys into the air as he leaves his post and goes for the parking lot.

Edward catches them one handed and shouts out playfully, "Thanks, Odin!"

"Yeah, yeah." Odin waves a hand over his shoulder as he continues toward the parking lot.

"Ready?" Edward swings what looks like a black men's tie around his fingers back and forth.

"You're an ass." I glare at him. "I seriously thought he was about to crush you."

He laughs at me and then pulls me to him so that he can kiss my lips once, twice, three times before wrapping the black tie around my eyes. "Don't peak, it's a surprise."

"A kinky one?" I poke playfully at his stomach.

"Not yet." He slaps my ass and then I'm turned around and lead forward with Edward at my back, hands at my waist, chin on my shoulder. "I'm gonna sit you down on this bench, so don't freak out."

I wrinkle my brow, curious as to why it would freak me out, but then I understand when Edward literally sweeps me off of my feet and down onto a wooden bench. I laugh nervously and wonder what the hell it is he has planned for me. Edward isn't known for such elaborate schemes—at least not when it comes to surprising me like this.

I can hear him walk from one end of the room to the other, rearranging and moving things that are both heavy and light—I can tell by the change in his breath, like a grunt if he picks up something heavy. Then there is the unmistakable flick from a lighter, the slide of a match, and the catch of an igniting flame followed shortly by that distinguishable odor of sulfur dioxide that prickles my sense of smell into overdrive. I love that scent.

Finally, he makes his way back to me and I feel him settle down on the bench to my right but facing the opposite direction. I frown at this, my curiosity going into overdrive, and turn my head in his direction. I feel his hand on my face and then his lips on mine. I smile into him and reach to pull him closer, which makes his chest vibrate with laughter.

"Ready?" he whispers against my mouth, and when I nod he starts to unravel the blindfold from my eyes. "Happy birthday, Bella." His words are warm at my ear and cause me to smile and take his hand.

"Thank y—" The words die on my tongue as I take a look around the room in pure shock. "Edward…" I stand up from the bench and twist around to see everything he's done to the place.

We're in what looks to be the music area of the center, we're seated at the piano, and around us are other musical instruments that have been placed into stands and hung from the walls. Walls that glow from the candles that have been lit around the room and white Christmas lights that dangle like part of the wallpaper.

"Oh, wow, Edward." I turn to look at him and feel my eyes well up and my lip tremble. "I can't believe…" I shake my head and bury my face in his neck when he gets up and wraps his arms around me. "I wish I thought to bring my camera." I squeeze him tightly. "I want to remember this moment right here forever."

He kisses just below my ear. "Some things aren't meant to be captured by a camera." One of his hands glides up my chest and settles over my heart. "But right here is a good place to store them, or so I'm told. And I'm pretty sure there's no delete button in there." His accompanying wink makes my tummy flutter as the floor drops out when he takes my hand and presses it to his own heart. "You have no idea how many memories I have of you in here."

I'm breathless from his words. "That is literally the most amazing and beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me."

His lips pull into a teasing smirk. "I have my moments."

"That you do." I smile back and pull his head down to mine for a kiss.

He slows it down quickly after and leads me back to the bench where we sit in front of the keys but turned to face each other this time. "C'mere." He takes my hands and slides me closer to him as he presses a kiss to them. "I know I'm not perfect, and that I've been an unworthy asshole to you." His eyes stare into mine intensely. "And you have been more than understanding, and…fuck, Bella, you're amazing and smart and beautiful. And I've been busting my ass lately to be a better person for you."

I fight back tears as I touch his cheek. "I know you have, and I'm so proud of you, babe."

His lips press to my open palm. "I really fucking love you, Bella Swan."

"I love you, too." My chest feels so full right now.

He takes a deep breath and sets my hands down before turning to the piano.

"I didn't know you played," I ask in surprise.

"I don't." He snickers. "This is why I've been putting in so much time at the senior center." His fingertips graze the keys and he starts up a soft rendition of _Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star_. We both bust up laughing until he says, "Just kidding."

Then he really starts to play, and it's like nothing I've ever heard before. I'm not very into classical music, and I usually only listen to the piano if there's an instrumental track on a CD single, but listening to Edward play makes me want to start.

It's simple, uncomplicated—soft and smooth. It makes me think of Birdy's instrumental version of Bon Iver's _Skinny Love_, but more melodious. I watch him in rapt attention, watching his long fingers curl and flex as they press and pull back against the ivory keys. His face is determined, his focus on what he's doing and nothing else. Like he's in a whole other world and I'm lucky enough to accompany him into it.

It's beautiful.

When the song comes to an end, I pull him to me and hold him as hard as I can. I tell him how amazing it sounded and how much I loved it—and him. He says that one of the regulars in the center, Mrs. Gilbert, used to be a composer and would bug him all the time. She'd say he had the perfect "pianist hands", and after numerous attempts to get him to sit beside her at the piano, he caved. They started with simple things like childhood nursery rhymes—_Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star_ and _Frère Jacques_.

Then one day she was playing something that was beautiful, but after the first few chords she would get frustrated with it and replay the same part over and over until Edward finally asked her what the deal was. To which she then made a deal with him—a preapproved conversation she had with his probation officer without his knowledge. She promised she would get the rest of his community hours signed off if he played the piano with her.

And not just _play_, but compose. She wanted help finishing the current song she was working on because it would be her last. Over the last four weeks the two grew close—and inside I realize that this is also around the time he started to change for the better. They finally finished the song last week and he's been practicing it ever since.

"She even said I could name it, because apparently I earned it for not pissing her off like she thought I would have." He laughs softly and rubs his thumb along my jaw.

"So what did you name it, then?" I ask as I lean into his hand.

His thumb passes over my lips feather-soft and he says, "Bella's Lullaby."

-x-

_Life's too short to even care at all oh_

_I'm coming up now coming up now out of the blue_

_These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart_

_Oh oh oh oh_

_A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh_

_If I could find a way to see this straight_

_I'd run away_

_To some fortune that I should have found by now_

_And so I run now to the things they said could restore me_

_Restore life the way it should be_

_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down_

_Life's too short to even care at all oh_

_I'm losing my mind losing my mind _

_losing control_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Cough Syrup_ sung by Melanie Martinez. Original artist is Young The Giant.

**TK FIC REC:** A Secondhand Spark by queenofgrey.

**I will never pull TSB unless FF does.**

**If this happens, I also post at: theslowestburn. wordpress. com **

**TSB has a tumblr! theslowestburn. tumblr. com**

My twitter: Typokween


	36. The Ever-Changing Spectrum of a Lie

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, I would have more time for writing and less time working.

THANK YOUS—_Jess: Haters gonna hate._ _DarlingSaila: I love you forever. LondonStew: Penny! Don't worry, we will find betas for PTB haha! EVERYONE: Thank you for your unrelenting patience. I love and cherish you all._

-x-

WARNING: NOT BETA'D.

-x-

_The Slowest Burn_

_That awkward moment when…_ your dad thinks he did you a favor.

**Ch. 36: The Ever-Changing Spectrum of a Lie**

"Are you even listening to me?" Rosalie snaps from her end of the world on the phone. "Bella Swan!" She grows irritated with my lack of attention.

I release a deep sigh and roll my eyes. "Yes, I'm listening." I'm completely lying when I say this—I'm so not listening to a damn word she's saying to me.

I'm too busy looking at pictures on my camera. Ever since I got it from my parents I can't stop using it. It's like I want to be able to remember every single moment I have left in Forks. Mostly I can't stop taking pictures of _Edward_ on my camera. He's the most photogenic person I have ever met. Seriously, the boy cannot take a bad picture to save his life.

"What about Amy?" Rose's voice cuts through my thoughts.

I wrinkle my nose. "No."

She groans impatiently. We've been back and forth for who knows how long. With a sigh, I set down my camera so I can pick up my phone and take her off speaker. She's such a crab apple lately.

"What about Angelica?" I suggest.

She snorts very unladylike—which is all the time now—and ignores me when I tell her as much. "I'm not naming my child after that evil brat from Rugrats, Bella!"

I gasp in mock-horror. "How dare you! Angelica was awesome! In fact, Angelica was _you_ at that age, I bet."

She mimics me in an annoying tone and I try not to laugh at her so she's not encouraged to continue. Even though she is actually funny. Damn her.

"So how are things with you and Roy?" I change the subject.

Rose grows quiet. "Uh, good actually… really good. Surprisingly good—oh my God, he did something didn't he? I knew it! I knew he was a no good dirty liar!"

"Whoa!" I shout in total shock. "Ease up there Dr. Banner, don't Hulk out on me okay? Roy hasn't done anything to make you worry. He's been too busy with his new job and watching his mom's new boyfriend like a hawk."

"So he's doing good at Raley's? Like, he hasn't tried to steal anything or use the docking area as a drug exchange?" She asks seriously.

I hate whatever Royce has done in the past to make her so doubtful of him. He really is trying right now to win back Rosalie's full trust. I was under the impression that things were going good and headed for great. Apparently, I was a little off on the mark.

"No, Rosalie. Royce is not using the shipping dock as a drug exchange. It's a supermarket, not Harlem!" I groan. "Pregnancy has made you so paranoid."

"No, it's made me more aware. It's not just me anymore, Bella, it's me and my daughter. So whatever Royce is up to I need to be one hundred percent sure he's not going to let her down." She admits in the most vulnerable voice I've ever heard her use.

I bite my lip to keep from blurting out that he won't disappoint her down and to trust him, but she's right. Given Royce's track record, she needs to be as cautious as she can. I have faith he will never let her down again, but until Rosalie sees it, too, it doesn't matter what anyone says.

"Well, I have your back no matter what." I say to her truthfully. "But for the record? Royce is doing great at the supermarket. Edward and Jake go there and tease him sometimes, it's so cute."

"_Just _Edward and Jake?" Rosalie asks in a tone that says she knows I'm a lying liar who lies.

"Okay, okay! Yes. I went there and teased him, too. But it was so fun, Rose! Like, this one time? We hid all of the KY Jelly and then Edward grabbed the intercom and paged Royce to restock it!" I fall over onto my bed in giggles. "And… and then when he—"

"Got into his car after his shift he found all the missing KY Jelly stashed in his backseat." She finishes without amusement.

Okay, so I guess the teasing has gotten a little out hand. It started out with small things like switching around sale tags and trailing pieces of Double Bubble up and down the store aisles. Then Edward started having Royce paged for price checks on weird and embarrassing items. Jake moved certain items around so that Royce had to find and replace them.

But when Seth found out? He wanted to play, too. So he took all the condoms and placed them in the baby isle and put baby items in place of the empty condom shelf. Royce was reprimanded for that and since then we've promised to leave him alone.

"So did you hear about the boys giving Royce's mom's new boyfriend 'the talk'?" I snort and shake my head.

Rose laughs. "Oh, you mean interrogation?"

"They are so stupid. I can't believe _Jake_ went, too. He's supposed to be the level headed one. The voice of reason!" I shout. "But no, instead he was the one instigating things. That poor guy, I can't even begin to think what they must have threatened him with." I roll my eyes.

"Bodily harm, damaged property, sabotaged social life…" Rosalie lets the sentence die.

"It's kinda cute in a way." I shrug as I think about how much they all must care about Royce's family in order to be so protective.

"Kinda, but not really." She cuts into my mental conversation and exhales audibly.

I frown at her tone. "No, I guess not. Time to grow up and act like adults, right?"

She chuckles softly. "Speaking of acting like an adult, do you have everything set for Nationals?"

"Yep," I answer right away.

"And you told Edward?" She questions hesitantly.

"Yep." My lips pulls back into a smile.

"Wow, really? And he's okay with it?" Her lack of belief makes me chuckle.

"I know right? Who would have thought Edward could be so understanding." I can't stop grinning at the thought of my beautiful boyfriend being so mature. He's so different from when I first met him. More controlled and patient—things I _never_ thought I'd say when describing him.

"It works out perfectly, actually. His mom lives in Seattle, so we'll just go see her during the day before the event starts. It'll be cutting it a little close, but I know we can do both." I assure her.

"Oh, that is such a relief." She exhales a long breath. "So now all you have to do is tell him about Vassar."

My heart lodges in my throat in a hard hiccup that chokes me and leaves me sputtering. She knows not to bring up this subject with me right now, at least not until after Nationals. I have three days before I have to mail my acceptance letter to meet the deadline.

I hate that there is a small part of me that doesn't want to send it. It wants to stay here in Forks, or in La Push with Edward. It's a nagging buzz in my ear, a twinge in my tummy, a pressure in my chest…

"Yeah," I reply absently as I rise from my bed and move to my dresser where I've had my letter sitting for weeks. It's stamped and ready to go—I just can't seem to _let _it go.

"Jesus, Bell. It's not like you're going to break up just because you're going to college. If he loves you that much he'll be happy for you. Stop allowing him to dictate your life." Rosalie's voice raises in annoyance.

"He's not!" I shout and whirl around to pace around my room.

"I don't want to fight with you. I swear if I say the slightest thing about Cullen you freak the fuck out. I'm not attacking your boyfriend, Bella." Her gruff response has me on the guard. "I know what he means to you and all I am saying is to step back and think about the big picture. You know what I see when I think of it? I see you in college."

I hate how right she is, I do get defensive over Edward for the smallest of things.

"Just mail the damn letter, Bella. Deal with everything later, look into apartments. Show him that this isn't the end and that there are options. Include _him_ in them so that he knows." She suggests and it helps to make me feel a bit better. "In fact, you know what you _should _do? I mean, it's a total coin flip whether it's a good idea or not, but…"

"Tell me." I demand on pins and needles.

"Talk to Carlisle. Who knows best how to break news like this to Edward than he does?" She's really starting to come across as my own personal Yoda. "When is the deadline for letters anyway? You better just send it now."

I groan and walk back to my dresser. "I have three more days, but…"

"Bella?" Rosalie asks when my silence goes on for too long.

My eyes are glued to the top of my dresser, blood building and pushing behind my ears. My body tenses up as my head starts to shake side to side in total disbelief. _This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This isn't happening._ I repeat over and over to myself inside my head. But the tears still collect and brim over to slide down my face, and the trembling is now full blown panic.

_Please don't let what I think happened be true_. I pray to whoever will listen and grant me this one wish.

"Oh, fuck," I whisper in defeat.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Now I have Rosalie worried.

"It's gone." I croak and slowly back away from the clear tabletop.

_Please no, please no_.

I am such a fucking IDIOT!

"What's gone? Bella, you're scaring me." Her voice breaks.

My heart hammers away behind my ribs like a fast beating drum. _It's gone_. I feel like I need to vomit. Saliva gathers in my mouth. I dart for the starts and almost fall on my way down. "Dad!" I scream with my phone still pressed to my ear while Rosalie continues to shout at me.

"Dad!" I call out again.

He comes skidding around the corner from the kitchen, his cup of what looks like juice spilling and dripping down his arm. "What's going on?" His first instinct is to pull me close and look around the room for danger.

"Were you in my room today?" I stare up at him with so much hope that he takes a step back from me in surprise.

"I put your clean clothes on your bed this morning, why?" His brows furrow together so close that for just a moment they resemble that of a caterpillar.

"That's it? Did you take anything?" My voice cracks.

His eyes bore down into mine as if searching for clues to explain my current behavior. He's slowly slipping into cop-mode and with every twitch of his mustache, my heart thumps harder. Dad raises a hand to rub at his chin with narrowed eyes that suddenly widen as an epiphany hits him.

"Oh, yeah!" He replies animatedly. "I mailed that letter that was on your desk when I went out earlier today. Looked important." He nods as if explaining something to me that I don't already know. "Don't worry 'bout it, kid." He pats my shoulder. "Dad's got you covered." With a wink, he leaves me to go back to his chair in the living room.

"Oh, shit." Comes Rosalie's breathless curse.

I barely make it to the kitchen before slumping at the table in a catatonic state. That letter has been sitting there for weeks, why now? Why did my dad choose _now _to mail it? I start to rub my chest as the pressure pushes hard enough to make me wheeze.

"This makes no difference, Bella." Rosalie—ever the best fucking friend—starts to say things to calm me down. "You were going to send it anyway, now you don't have to. You're going to sit down and talk it out with Edward, make plans for the future. Make him feel included."

My head bops up and down without speaking. She's right, nothing has changed. It was going to be sent out anyway, this changes nothing. Everything is perfectly fine.

"Rose?" I whisper into my phone.

"Yeah, sweetie?" she replies softly.

I gulp and run my hand through my hair. "I wish you were here."

"Me, too," she says.

-x-

I keep checking my phone for a reply from Carlisle while I sit at my desk in English class that afternoon. I texted him last night asking to meet up. It's time he and Edward work things out, especially since we'll be meeting up with his mother next week. The closer we get to the date, the more I know Edward wishes he could talk to Carlisle. I don't want any more surprises to happen, so if Carlisle knows_ anything_, he needs to say it now.

"Kebi and Hunter… Swan and Whitlock… Cheney and Pe—"

"Um, excuse me." My hand flies up into the air.

Ms. Calderon's brow arches in acknowledgement. "Yes, Ms. Swan?"

My arm slowly comes back down as every head in class turns in my direction. "What are you calling our names out for?" My cheeks flush from embarrassment for being caught not paying attention in class. I look and feel like a total dumb ass right now.

Instead of answering me, she keeps calling out names and I'm left sitting here with my mouth agape in shock. _How rude! _Luckily, Chelsea leans over in her desk to tell me that we're partnering up for a class assignment on the reading we had for homework last night.

Guess who didn't do the reading? _Ugh_.

"All right, that's it. Are there any questions about the assignment before you pair off?" Mrs. Calderon's eyes purposely ignore my section of the room.

Screw _that_. My arm is back up with my hand swinging in the air for attention.

"Ms. Swan." Her voice is that of pure annoyance.

"Yeah, could I possibly get a partner who is _not _a complete douchebag?" I cross my arms over my chest.

Oh, yes. I went there.

The class laughs at my comment, Mrs. Calderon—does not.

"Request denied, Ms. Swan. If there are no other _relevant _questions…" Her hands wave out for us to disassemble into groups of two.

I make my way over to where Jasper sits in the corner of the room and grab the nearest empty desk to drag it in front of his. The legs scratch the floor ear-splittingly loud and I want to cringe so bad, but I refuse. Slamming my book down—The Great Gatsby— I glare at him and then sit.

We sit in silence until Ms. Calderon gives us our assignment sheets and a stern look that says, "Don't fuck with me." According to the worksheet, we're supposed to write a short essay about a scene or symbol provided to us. So when I see "**The Green Light**" in bold at the top of the paper, I know I'm screwed. I know this because a) I haven't been keeping up with the reading, b) I haven't watched the movie yet, and c) Jasper won't stop staring at me and I'm pretty sure he has no intention of participating in this assignment.

So again, I'm screwed.

Okay, I clear my throat and straighten my shoulders. I can do this, it's not like I've never read the spark notes for this damn book. Because I have—every time we have a chapter test coming up I devote myself to that website. But now we're almost finished with the book and I'm two chapters behind. Edward helped me last time I had to write a one paged synopsis on what I'd read so far. It frustrated him to no end that I wouldn't take him seriously. I couldn't help it, he looked so damn adorable reading to me and pausing to explain what was going on.

That night I realized that he's independently smart. When left on his own he can focus and open his mind to whatever it is he's doing. But put him in a group and he's instantly distracted and uninterested. It makes me wonder what kind of student he _could _be if not for the flaw he has when it comes to his self-worth.

But I digress.

Okay. **The Green Light**. I outline the bold letters with my pen over and over again while I struggle to figure out how to start this damn assignment. I can do this, I'm in the top ten percent of my graduating class—I dropped from the top 5 when I started dating Edward. I should probably care about that, but I don't. Not really.

_The. _

_Green._

_Light… _

Pencil poised above the paper, I touch down and write the first thing that comes to mind.

_The green light is what Gatsby associates with Daisy as it is situated at the East Egg dock where she resides on the opposite end of his West Egg lawn…_

Okay, wait. That was bad. I spin my pencil around and scrub the eraser against what I've just written. Pieces of the rubber-end litter across the desk and smudge my words away into almost nothing. All that is left is a light remnant of what once was.

"I'm sorry," Jasper speaks out unexpectedly.

I pause my pencil where it sits at the beginning of a sentence and keep my head down and eyes glued to the lead tip of my ridiculously expensive mechanical pencil. "For what?" I respond as if uninterested in what he has to say. As I wait for his reply, I start to rewrite my previous thoughts on that stupid green light Gatsby is so obsessed with.

But apparently Jasper has lost his damn mind, because as soon as I start writing, he snatches the paper from right out underneath me. The pencil slides a dark lines across the white sheet as he does so and when I look up at him it's murderous.

"My parents are in the middle of a divorce." His voice is strained, eyes red with dark circles, and hair in an uncharacteristic disarray.

I want to feel bad for him—I _do _feel bad. But why is he telling me this? I force my gaze elsewhere so that I don't see how closely he watches me for a reaction. My bottom lip immediately gets sucked between my teeth for chewing and my leg starts to bounce, my knee hitting the underside of my desk repeatedly.

"They've been fighting over _everything_ lately and they keep trying to make me pick sides." He sighs and slants in his chair. "My dad is borderline blackmailing me, saying that when the divorce is final he will have most of the family income and if I choose my mother, how do I expect to pay for college?"

Wow. I blink over at him in surprise. "That sucks."

He snorts and shakes his head as he gazes out the window. "That's not even half of it. My dad cheated. With his assistant."

"Ouch." I cringe.

He turns to look at me. "His assistant was a fucking _dude, _Bella."

Holy shit.

"Wow." I whisper in complete shock.

"I've just…" He leans forward with his elbows on the desktop and his hands in his hair. "I've been going out of my mind dealing with this and…" His head rolls up to look at me with soft eyes. "I'm really sorry for that day in the Snack Shack. I don't know why I said it, even when Alice said things to me I knew she was lying. But I was so _mad _at everything because it just seemed like it was one thing after another. You dumped me. I didn't get into Notre Dame. My parents… and I broke off my friendship with Alice."

"Why are you telling me all of this, Jasper?" I ask him as politely as possible.

He shrugs and looks down at the desk. "Because…" His chest lifts with a deep inhale and depresses slowly as he exhales through his nose. "I really want to be friends with you again, Bella. I… miss you."

I pull away and slump in my chair, unable to respond. What do I even say after something like that? Edward would never go for it, and I wouldn't want him talking to an ex. Then again, being Jasper's friend isn't a marriage proposal. It's smiles in the hallway, a lift of a hand if we see each other in public, a friendly face at a party…

"I still care about you, Bella." I know he wants me to look at him, but I can't. "I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty or conflicted. It's just how I feel. I would rather be your friend than nothing at all. Just friends, I swear. I respect you enough to never try anything past friendship with you while you're dating Cullen."

I nod my head, but don't comment on the careful structure of that last sentence. We sit in silence until the bell rings and everyone is up and scooting desks back where they belong. On my way out the door, he stops me with a gentle hand on my wrist.

"Hey, by the way? I did get accepted to NYU. I know that's one of the schools you applied to. Did you get into all of them?" He sticks his hands into his pockets and regards me with shy sincerity.

But I choke on my answer.

"Don't tell me you didn't get into any." He rolls his eyes. "You're too damn smart not to."

"I don't know yet." I bite my lip and turn away to walk outside class.

His eyes widen. "What? No way, letters went out—"

"I got into Vassar, okay?" I huff as if he's just made me reveal my inner most embarrassing secret.

"That's great, Bella! You're first choice!" He steps forward as if he wants to hug me but pulls back at the last second. "Uh, congratulations."

I force a smile. "Thanks."

"Have you told the front office yet?" His eyes are so pure and blue as he stares down at me. "They'll put your name up on the—"

"No!" I shout at him and pull him into a vacant corner of the hall. "You can't tell anyone." I plead.

He blinks in astonishment. "Well, why the hell not?"

"It's… complicated." I kick the toe of my shoe into a crack in the concrete and shrug my shoulders. "Look, can we not talk about this? And please don't tell anyone, all right?"

It's obvious he wants to say more, but thankfully he doesn't. "Okay." He nods as he watches me closely. "If that's what you want."

"Yes." I snap. "That's what I want. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

He walks a few steps backward then pauses. "You should be happy, Bella—proud even. Not scared."

"I'm not scared." I scoff at him as if what he's just said is not the complete and utter truth. I'm terrified.

"Well you're not proud, either." He calls me on my bluff.

"There are a lot of things I _should _be," I say earnest, "but I'm not. So…" I shrug and let the sentence drag.

But he won't let it go. "Come on, Bella. This is a big deal." He closes the gap between us and sets a hand on my shoulder. "Be happy! I'm sure your boyfriend is happy for you, too!"

I let loose a small and bitter laugh. "How does he do that?" I look up into Jasper's eyes and feel the floodgates open without permission. "I haven't even _told_ him yet. He'll take my leaving for college as my leaving _him _behind. I know he will." My voice cracks. "So how can I be happy about this, huh? Tell me." I draw myself away from his touch and start for my next class.

He hurries to match my speed. "Look, Bella. If he loves you? Then he'll be happy for you. End of story." He walks ahead of me and turns to walk backward so that I have no choice but to look at him. "And for the record? I'm happy for you."

Then he spins around and heads off down the hall, leaving me behind speechless.

-x-

**Facebook Status**

**Royce King** _Whoever it is that keeps moving the condoms display into the baby isle: you're not funny_.

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**Makenna Levine** _So proud of my man for getting into Texas state AND Berkeley! I love you, Jacob Black, no matter where you choose_.

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**Emmett McCarty** _FUCK YEAH U-DUB, BABY! You knoooowww!_

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**Emmett McCarty**_ You, too? *high five!*_

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**Bella Swan **_Congrats awesome U-dubber, you! _

**Emmett McC**_arty Thank you Spanish buddy. I prob wouldn't have passed if not for you!_

**Bella Swan**_ De nada. ;)_

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><p><strong>Facebook Message E-mail notification:<strong>

**Chelsea Salvatore** to **Bella Swan**

**Chelsea Salvatore** _We're submitting pics for a page in the YB for cheerleading if you have anything. Also, we're doing a page for just Rosalie. You know her best, any ideas_?

**Bella Swan** _I have some great pics of Rose._

**Chelsea Salvatore** _Yay! _

-x-

"Hey babe, it's me again. I know you're out with your boys, but I just wanted to say that I'm coming over tonight. I told dad I'm staying with Makenna. I have to tell you something." I hang up my phone and stare down at it while sitting in my car.

In a restaurant parking lot in Port Angeles.

Carlisle finally texted me back. I tell myself that I'm doing this for Edward, that I'm butting in without being asked because I know how much Carlisle means to him. Even though he won't admit it out loud, which drives me _crazy_. Why won't he admit he misses Carlisle? Why won't he admit that he _needs_ Carlisle? But most important?

Why hasn't Carlisle himself tried to talk to Edward?

It's that last question that finally gets me out of my car and into the restaurant. It's just an old diner, not that many people are seated so it's easy to spot Carlisle.

He wears a warm smile, but I approach him cautiously regardless. "Hey." I manage to say as I stand in front of the table twiddling my thumbs like a moron.

He gives me a reassuring smile. "Hello, Bella."

I sit—_awkwardly_.

Then we start to talk—_awkwardly_.

"How is school?" He clears his throat and pulls from his ice water.

"Fine." I say dragging my finger through the condensation on my own glass of water.

"Cheerleading?" He tries again to engage me.

"Great! Nationals is in a few weeks." I look up at him and fake enthusiasm.

His handsome face is made more alluring when he smiles sincerely. "Decided what college you're going to?"

And right when I think we're making progress. I frown and look down at my water again. "Touchy subject."

"Why is that?" He asks thoughtfully.

I sigh and breathe out my nose in a small snort. "Because the school I want to go to is in on the East Coast?" I don't know why I say this as if it's a question.

"And?" His shrug is so casual it irritates me. "Isn't this the time to spread your wings and try new things?"

Is he fucking with me right now?

I look up at him curiously and try not to scowl. "Not if it means leaving everyone I love behind."

He frowns. "You can't think of it that way, Bella."

"Why? It's true, isn't it?" I lift a shoulder and pick up a menu to look through the desserts.

"No." He shakes his head and sets his arms on top of the table. "Not at all."

"Doesn't matter." I set the menu down and rub at my tired face. "Edward won't see it that way."

Carlisle gives a considerable pause and aligns his silverware before distracting himself further with taking a sip from his water. "I think that will depend on how you decide to approach that subject." He relents a minute later.

"I don't want him to think of me as just another person to leave him behind." I feel tears collecting in my eyes. "I want him to go with me, but I know he won't. He's too stubborn. He'll think of only the negative and not the positive."

"Is this why we're here today, Bella?" He asks softly. "Do you need my advice in bringing this up to Edward?"

"No." I shake my head. "I asked you here originally because I want to know what happened between you and Edward. Whatever it was, I'm sure it can be fixed. He misses you so much, Carlisle. You have no idea how much. He doesn't admit it out loud, of course, but I _know _it."

He shifts uncomfortably and looks toward the exit. I sense he's getting ready to bolt. My mind spins into overdrive and reach over to touch his hand.

"I know your fight has to do with Aro and we both know he can't be trusted. Were you aware that Aro gave Edward his mother's company number? He's set up a meeting with her in a few weeks—but she thinks she's meeting with someone named Royce. Edward was too afraid to say who he really was."

At this Carlisle's head snaps up to stare at me with wide and alert eyes. "He _what?_"

The hairs on my arms stand up. "What's wrong? Tell me, Carlisle. I need to know what I'm up against. I need to know how to be there for Edward."

Carlisle is very concerned and expresses his opinion as such. "There is a lot of things going on that Edward is completely unaware of. I didn't know the full extent of what was going on until the day I got a call from Aro Volturi telling me Edward was about to be expelled from school."

I sense this is a deep conversation we're about to have and motion for the waitress to mix me a chocolate milkshake and season fries. I skipped lunch earlier today because I was so nervous that Carlisle was going to blow me off. Now that I'm here, I'm so nervous I feel the need to stuff my face until I barf.

"Before you tell me anything else." I hold a hand up. "I just want to say that this conversation today stays between you and me. I don't want Edward to know I met with you. However, I cannot promise that I will not at some point tell him everything that is about to be said. Because he would never forgive me if I withheld any secrets from him." I drink from my water, my mouth is suddenly bone dry. Because I've just completely contradicted myself.

Then Carlisle starts to talk.

And I feel like the world has just cracked open from underneath my feet.

"Wait, stop." I say after a while and slam my hand down between us while I inhale a shaky breath. "Are you saying that Aro has been paying for Edward's bills this entire time? That there is no special emancipation program that helps him with the rent and utilities? That the checks he gets from the state are fabricated because they're actually from Aro fucking Volturi?"

"Bella." He scolds me with a firm shake of his head. "I'm only telling you what I've recently discovered. I've always known that Aro was Edward's Godfather and legal guardian—that he only signed Edward over to the state when he knew I was going to adopt him. I cannot justify or even pretend to understand his reasons for doing what he did. I was always aware that the money behind Edward's "special program" was truthfully from Aro's own pocket. But when Aro Volturi tells you to keep your mouth shut about something, you do it and you do it without question."

I nod my head in agreement. I've never actually met the guy, but he sounds scary as hell.

"I've always wondered why Aro kept Edward at length. On one hand, I see that his life is not something Edward should ever be a part of. However, I don't see why he allowed Edward to bounce from home to home for as long as he did. That was such a tough time for Edward and is the root of his destructive behavior. He trusts absolutely no one because everyone he's ever put his faith into has let him down in one way or another. And it hurts me to say that I let him down by not revealing the truth to him from the beginning." Carlisle's gaze sets down at his clasped hands.

There is a tiny pin prick that pinches inside my heart. I see that I've managed to do exactly what I've been trying so hard not to. I've kept secrets from Edward, even when I promised I wouldn't, even when I looked into his eyes and told him how much I love him. Disgusted with myself, I push my half empty shake away and cover my untouched fries with a napkin.

"It's obvious that Aro cares for Edward, he's never once missed a graduation or any other significant moment in Edward's life. But you can see in his eyes that there is… _something _between them that prevents either one of them from letting the other in." He runs a hand through his blonde waves after saying this and looks at me kindly.

"I feel the need to explain to you Alice's past behavior, Bella. Because she is a big part of the good that's inside of Edward. When I first met him, he was full of darkness and negativity. It wasn't until I pulled him from that life that he truly started to grow. And Alice was there every step of the way, being to Edward what Royce and Jake could not." Carlisle explains. "Bella, there is something about Alice that you need to know." His pause causes me to regard him cautiously.

I sip from my water just so I have something to do.

"Alice is bi-polar." He lets that sink in before he continues. "She has episodes of severe highs and lows and Edward was the only one who could get her through them. She grew dependent upon him and as a result, she attached herself to him romantically—though I truly believe it's always been one-sided."

Hell yes it has been.

"She's spiraling, Bella. Esme is at a loss and so am I—and I don't even think this is something Edward can truly help with anymore. But I care for both Alice and Edward very deeply, so I am selfishly asking you to please talk with Edward about possibly reconciling with Alice." His words don't plead as much as his eyes do. "I know you've had your differences, but I don't know what to do and it terrifies me. She needs him, I think. Even if it's just as a friend."

I stare at him and even though I am at a complete loss, I do kinda-sorta-not-really-oh-ok-maybe-a-little understand what he means.

"And I never intended to leave or desert Edward, even though my actions may appear that way. Edward is very particular, you have to approach him at the right time or you could ruin everything. He does not forgive easily, and I have just been biding my time before I attempted to talk with him again." I flinch when I feel his hand take mine. "And even if I am ready to forgive him for what he did, it does not mean he may be anywhere near ready to forgive me."

I squeeze his hand before I pull away and when I bring my wallet out to pay for my food he stops me with a look. I don't really have all that much cash so I don't fight him on it when he drops two twenties down and ushers me out to the parking lot. I feel heavy with weight on my shoulders and lead in my tummy. I'm so fucked.

"Any words of advice before we part ways?" I say it as a joke, but I really do want to hear what he might say.

We walk quietly to my car and he opens the driver side door for me to get in, but doesn't shut it behind me just yet. "You love him?"

"Of course!" I shout offended.

He nods as if he knew that would be my answer. "Tell him that, make sure he believes it before you tell him about Vassar. Since Edward has no permanent ties to La Push, encourage him to pursue his own passions in life. I know he can be pessimistic and closed minded when it comes to his future, but if you get him to see the light at the head of the tunnel you'll be just fine, Bella."

"And how do I do that?" My voice waivers.

I watch his lips twitch and his shoulder lift. "That's up to you."

He shuts me into my car and gives me one small wave before walking to his own.

-x-

I have to pee.

Edward's body wrapped around me is hot and sweaty and he smells like a brewery. I was asleep before he got home and awoke to the feel of him undressing me. His sluggish moves and slurred words were a blur as I slowly slipped from sleep to consciousness. Then with a jolt he was in me and nothing mattered but how amazing it felt.

But now, several hours later, I need to pee and the clock says its near five a.m. and I can't move because Edward is sprawled across my torso. His face is pressed into my skin just above my navel and his hands clutch at my sides possessively even in slumber. His breath is hot and his lips open as he inhales and exhales long and steady. He is the most beautiful sight.

But he is pressing into my bladder.

I push and wiggle until I finally slip out from under him and lose my balance in the sheets so that my knees hit the floor hard. I hiss and whine and hobble to the bathroom like a zombie with my arms held out to keep me from running into anything. It's pitch dark and I can't see a damn thing.

I hate that Edward can't sleep if there is even a hint of light anywhere in his line of vision.

I'm washing my hands and it's weird because I feel like I'm forgetting something. Or that I've time jumped. But the warm water is relaxing as I continuously lather my hands with pomegranate scented soap. White suds that looks like tiny little clouds in the palms of my hands. I laugh and rinse them away, watching them swirl down the drain.

I leave the light on so I can see where I'm going on my way back to bed and pause when I step outside the bathroom and into the hall. Something isn't right. I blink and stare around me, turning in a complete circle. Why is his bathroom outside his room?

Whatever. I turn for his room and the hall stretches out in front of me for miles. I rub my hands over my eyes and now the hall has doors lining each side. I just want to go back to sleep. I step forward, dizzy and tired, and open the first door on my right.

It's bright as fuck in there. I raise a hand to shield away the light and hear a baby cry followed by a sweet and familiar voice cooing and singing. Everything stops.

"Rose?" I let my hand drop and blink over at her in confusion.

Dressed in a long white dress, hair pulled back into a braid with wisps of flyaway's falling into her eyes, she stares down at a bundle in her arms lovingly swaying side to side. The baby laughs and Rose grins and looks up at me finally.

"Wanna hold her?" She asks me proudly.

Holy shit. I gasp and feel the air leave my lungs so fast I gasp for breath. The door slams shut on her and then I'm in front of a new door. I don't want to open this one, I'm scared, but it swings open anyway.

And its Jasper waving at me across what looks like a college campus. "Come on!" He shouts as if he's in a hurry. "Class is about to start!" He turns and heads off to where I assume his class is being held. I don't get a chance to respond or even enter the room—it slams shut and there's a new door.

When I open this one I slam it shut immediately afterward and clutch my chest in fright. The fuck is there giant pink vampire bunnies in there for? I hear them start to scratch at the door and sprint down the hall to Edward's room. When I'm there everything is normal again. The hallway is short and practically nonexistent as it usually is. There is no bathroom out here.

Thank, God. I open the door and Edward turns over in bed with half-lidded eyes and an outstretched hand as he calls me back to bed.

But when I step inside the room the bed slides away from me and with every step I take to get closer the farther away he gets. Now I'm running toward him as fast as I can and crying for him as I reach out to nothing.

"Edward!" I scream in a panic.

He acts like nothing is wrong, like I'm playing around and his face grows irritated with me. "Get your ass in this bed, Bella." He shouts back at me.

I take a hesitant step forward and finally he's not moving away from me. I sigh in relief and keep walking until I realize the ground is freezing cold and my toes are sticking to it like ice. I pause curiously and look down to see that the ground is frozen over and cracking beneath me. I can see fish and killer whales swim under my feet as the ice cracks and the floor rumbles.

"Edward!" I call out to him horrified. "Help me!" I beg of him, unable to look away from the glacier I seem to be stuck on.

Finally the ice pops and I start to float away from Edward. I see him finally jump up from the bed and call out to me, but it's too late. It's like there's a boat pulling me away in the opposite direction.

"Edward!" I cry and jerk my feet from the ice where it peels the skin off the bottom of my feel as I struggle to move to the end of the ice to get closer to where Edward is. "Help me!" I shout but he just stands there at the bed and watches me drift away. "Edward, meet me half way!" I beg him.

Why won't he move? Why won't he take even one step toward me? Why isn't he _helping _me? I start sobbing and begging him to come to me, to meet me halfway at least. But he doesn't and I'm scared if I get too far away I'll never see him again so I jump. I leap off the ice and into the freezing cold water that makes my teeth chatter and my skin tingle and my blood stop flowing through my veins.

"Edward! Edward, please!" I can't breathe, I can barely keep my head above water. The skies are bright with light grey clouds and no sun. "Edward, help me! Meet me halfway!" I scream and scream until I can't move anymore and I start to sink like a rock to the bottom of the ocean.

I wake up gasping and crying and clawing around me as if I'm still trying to swim back to the surface. My body trembles and my lungs burn for air. I can't stop sobbing, even when I feel strong arms pull me against a steel chest and soft warm lips pressing against my face.

"It was just a dream, baby. I'm right here, Bella. It was just a dream." Edward keeps saying into my ear and kissing my face. "It's okay, baby. Breathe. Breathe, Bella. I'm here."

My arms circle his neck as I sob into his chest and crawl into his lap. His words mean nothing because I can barely comprehend them, all I feel are his hands against my back and his mouth at my ear.

"What happened, Bella?" He asks with nervous concern. "Baby, talk to me. Please."

"Just hold me." I sniffle and try to gain control of myself again.

"Of course," he says wrapping me up in his arms and pulling the blankets up over us.

"Tighter," I whisper to him, "tighter… don't let me go until I fall asleep. Please wait until then."

"Babe," he replies worried, "what happened in your dream?" His fingers comb through my hair softly and he rocks me gently until I finally start falling back asleep.

And just before I let my eyes close, I tell him softly, "You wouldn't meet me half way."

-x-

_This trail that you're treading_

_Is one flicked switch awaiting many_

_The coils, the echoes rattling_

_I hope the fears are buried beneath my love_

_My love, love is the everchanging spectrum of a lie_

_A lie, a lie to hide behind when nothings right_

_You take form with ink and blood_

_Can't you see I'm good?_

_Nothing outside will care enough_

_Nothing outside will care enough_

_Nothing outside of you_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _Everchanging Spectrum of a Lie_ sung by The Joy Formidable.

**TK FIC REC:** Dissecting Edward by chynnadoll36.

**I will never pull TSB unless FF does.**

**If this happens, I also post at: theslowestburn. wordpress. com **

**TSB has a tumblr! theslowestburn. tumblr. com**

**My twitter: Typokween**

I will be posting witfit o/s's on my wordpress blog if anyone cares.

typokween. wordpress. com

**_IMPORTANT NOTICE!_**

I am in need of a beta for TSB. If you or anyone you know have beta'd fanfic before and are interested in a trial run with me, shoot me a DM. I'm pretty particular so if it doesn't work out, please don't be offended. Thanks!


	37. With Wings

**Disclaimer: **I obviously do not own Twilight or else I would be chill in like a villain in my mansion by the pool with the cast of Magic Mike.

-x-

**Note to readers: **I'm aware that a lot of Bella's "Nationals" talk is not traditional, but for the sake of the fic－the 2012 NCA Senior and Junior High School National Championship will be held in Seattle. Big NCA fans know it was held in Texas. Big _TSB_ fans probably won't give a shit either way. I love you all.

-x-

_**The Slowest Burn**_

_That awkward moment when…_ you realize the apple really doesn't fall that far from the tree after all.

**Ch. 37: With Wings**

It's Thursday, which makes tomorrow Friday, the day before Nationals. I am so damn nervous right now, it's insane. On top of that, I'm waiting for Edward to get here so I can finally tell him about Vassar.

Armed and ready with brochures of community colleges nearby and printouts of apartments for rent, I'm ready. There is no way he should feel as if I'm leaving him behind when I've spent the last few days working my ass off to include him in my future. He's it for me. There is no one else I want to ever be with.

But I swear to God, if he gives me shit, I will knee him in the balls.

I feel confident, though. It has to do a lot with the fact that Carlisle is back in Edward's life. Their first outing together was awkward and weird, mostly because they dragged me and Esme along with them and then proceeded to say absolutely nothing to each other over dinner, making Esme and I force out some sort of small talk to each other about trivial things - like who we thought was going to win on _The Voice_. Finally, Edward spoke up and asked Carlisle if he saw some game on the television the night before, and from there, things got better.

I've seen a noticeable change in Edward since then, a _positive _change. He's more upbeat. He's laughing again and smiling and jovial. He kids around with Royce and the kids, and most importantly, he's started to form a relationship with my dad.

So it's with confidence that I wait for Edward to come over. I really wish I would have done this a long time ago to save myself the stress. Nationals is this weekend in Seattle, which means it's also our meeting with Elizabeth.

Honestly, I'm not sure which makes me more nervous, Nationals or meeting Edward's mom. I wish Edward would have opened up more with Carlisle about the meeting, but he only mentioned it in passing during the dinner. Since then, I'm not sure, but from what I gather, he's avoiding the subject altogether. It can't be easy to face your mother after ten years of absence and introduce yourself casually. I know Edward is anxious, but in usual Edward fashion—he won't talk about it.

_Ugh._

My phone buzzes with a text, and I look down to see Rosalie's name and smile. _"All That Jazz!" for senior prom? You actually voted on that?_

I laugh through my nose as I remember how that student government meeting went. It was either that or "Under the Moonlight," which was based off a popular vampire TV show. What the hell is up with this vampire craze all of the sudden? I'm so glad Ben stuck by me when I flat out told Jennifer that was the dumbest idea I'd ever heard. This is not _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_.

_Trust me. It was the better of two evils. –B _

_Is it weird that I'm kinda sad I'll miss it? –R_

_Of course not! But look on the bright side. You've been to enough proms to last a lifetime. You're not missing much. –B_

_Good point. Cheap booze, grabby hands, crowded limos… Never mind. I'm so glad I'm not going. –R_

_:P –B_

_Are you going to Cullen's prom, too? –R_

_I offered, but then Royce said it would be better not to go because of the harem of jealous girls who might throw pig's blood on me. Apparently, my boy has never participated in a school function, and people might die from shock if we show up together. –B_

_Lord have mercy. –R_

_Did you hear I got paired with Jessica for prom committee? We're in charge of decorations. –B_

_Are they smoking crack?! YOU in charge of decorations? Woe to the republic. –R_

_Shut up. –B_

_:X –R_

_Brat. –B_

"Bella!" Dad calls out from downstairs.

I roll onto my back from my stomach and stare at the ceiling. "Just tell Edward to come up here. And I _know_! Door open!" I roll my eyes.

"Door open?" An incredulous voice snaps from my doorway. "How dare you make your mother wait."

My entire upper body flies upright on my bed. "Mom? Oh, my God! Mom!" Now I roll and bounce off the bed and rush over to throw myself into her open arms. "What are you doing here?!"

She smacks a giant kiss onto my cheek. "You didn't actually think I would miss seeing my baby kick some ass in a skirt, did you?" Her smirk makes me blush.

"I missed you so much." I draw her in for another tight hug.

"Oh, honey." Her voice wavers with emotion. "I missed you, too. You need to come stay in Florida during the summer before school. I won't see you hardly at all when you're some hotshot college girl." She pulls back and pinches my nose between two fingers.

"Mom!" I smack her hand away and rub at my nose. "I'm not a baby."

"Oh, hush. You'll always be my baby." She pats my cheek gently. "So tell me what's going on in your life. What's the gossip these days?" she asks, standing in front of my dresser mirror where I have pictures along the edges.

I shrug at her reflection. "Not much, just… _stuff_."

"_Stuff?_" She air quotes me. "You want to what kind of _stuff_?"

I'm tight roping the idea of whether to spill my guts or not.

"You know." I shrug and look down at my hands. "_Stuff_."

I shrug again. It's all I can do without bursting into tears and begging her to tell me if I'm doing the right thing by leaving Washington for college. Whenever I think about my future, I feel lost, scared, and unsure.

Leaving Forks is a _huge_ fucking deal for me. I've never had to live without Charlie or Renee before. What if I'm making all the wrong decisions? I'm stuck between wanting something new and staying where I'm comfortable.

"Come." She ushers me back to the bed and sits with her back against the headboard. "You don't look like yourself today. Something wrong?"

"Life?" I force out a small laugh.

"Your father's concerned about you… So am I." Her hand rises to brush the hair away from my face. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

My eyes shut tight, and I breathe out through my nose. "Where do I start?"

"Anywhere you want." Her tone is soft and inviting. It's not something I'm used to feeling around her. Usually we talk like friends. Right now, it feels like I'm actually talking to my _mom_.

At my hesitation, she starts with, "How about you explain the letter Charlie found on your desk?"

I freeze. "He told you about that?"

"Yes. What were you thinking, Isabella? Since when do you wait until the absolute last minute to do anything?" She blinks at me in confusion. "That doesn't sound like something _my_ daughter would do."

Her frown reaches all the way to her eyes, and I see for the first time how age has changed her. There are creases at her eyes that were never there before and at her mouth when she pulls her lips together tightly. She has more gray strands mixed into her thick chestnut hair that she now has pulled back from her face and twisted up into a bun. My mom looks like a mom.

"I…" my mouth snaps shut.

"_Bella_." Her brow arches in suspicion.

I hunch over and slowly let myself fall next to her so that my head is at her lap and she runs her fingers through my hair. Nothing — and I mean _nothing _- compares to having your hair played with. It's awesome.

"I know what I have to do. I'm just anxious about doing it," I admit out loud. "And I'm terrified that I'm making a mistake by choosing to go to Vas—"

"Bella!" I hear dad shout up the stairs. "Edward's here!"

My mom's eyes widen at the sound of my boyfriend's name like she's just been picked for the _Price is Right_. "Please don't embarrass me," I beg her instantly, all previous woes slipping away as I clasp my hands together in front of me. "_Please_, mom."

Her mouth drops open in offense. "Bella! How could you ever say such a— _Oh, holy cow. He's a stone cold fox!_" she shouts when Edward walks into my room. "You know…" She steps in closer to Edward and curls a finger through her hair. "People say that Bella and I look more like sisters. Do you prefer older women?" She dares to nudge him with her elbow and wink.

Edward stares at me completely uncomfortable, and I have to slap a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Mom, stop it!" A chuckle still manages to bubble out as I scold her. "You're going to scare away him away forever with your crazy self!" I push past her to pull Edward toward me by the front of his thick, black hoodie.

"Hey, you." I smile up at him and lift my chin so that he ducks down and gives me my hello kiss.

"You didn't tell me your mom was going to be here!" he whisper-shouts in my ear. "I just smoked a bowl with Roy like ten minutes ago."

I dig my nose into his neck and inhale. "Well, you smell clean. Just act normal."

He snorts, and his shoulders start to shake with laughter. Oh, boy. Here come the giggles. My mom is no stranger to the ganja. She'll either call him out or pretend she doesn't know. Right now, she stares at us all suspicious, her eyes narrowed and lips pursed while she leans a hand on her left hip.

"What are you two lovebirds whispering about over there?" She sneaks up to us as if she's in on our secret. "You're not all freaked out about meeting 'the mom' now, are you? That pretty face alone gets you brownie points, boy!" Her hand shoots out and smacks him right in the ass.

"Did she just…?" He looks over at me, completely stunned.

I just shake my head — because that is my mother for you—and wrap my arms around his torso, sliding my hands to cover his butt. "Hands off, Mother. This one's mine."

"Oh, all right." She pretends to act as if she's lost a battle of wits. "But you watch yourself, Foxy. Boys who look like you always come with a shitload of trouble." Her finger wags at him.

"Uh… Okay?" He gulps and looks down at me nervously.

I roll my eyes and press the side of my face to his chest so that I feel his heartbeat against my cheek. "Just ignore her. I do."

My mom snorts.

"Oh, yeah," Edward starts. "Your dad wanted me to tell you that he had to take off. He's going down to La Push for the bonfire. I told him we would meet up with him later. Sound good?" When he says this, he looks at both me and my mom, and an unexpected feeling of warmth and love washes over me.

The relationship Edward has with my dad has grown into something amazing. They're not best friends, but they're more than cordial acquaintances. And to see how quickly he takes in my mom and how she seems to accept him so easily… I'm the happiest I've ever been.

My mom has a little smirk on her face from watching me stare with stars in my eyes at Edward. I stick my tongue out at her when she wiggles her brows. She sticks hers right back out at me.

I feel Edward's lips touch my temple softly, and his fingers work their way up my sweater to lay flat against my back, a lingering touch to offer comfort or to just feel content. It's almost like we have to be touching or we can't concentrate.

"Thanks for the invite, Foxy, but I'm going to pass. Phil and I are going to start out early for Seattle tomorrow morning so we can sightsee before Nationals." Her eyes dance with mirth as she explains. "But you two are having dinner with me and the husband tonight. My treat!"

"You mean _Phil's _treat," I taunt her playfully.

Her face lights up. "My husband's treat!"

-x-

**Facebook Status:**

**Rosalie Hale** _is a huge whale. _

Comments:

**Royce King **_you're beautiful._

**Rosalie Hale** _you're biased._

**Royce King** _So? Doesn't change the fact that you're beautiful._

**Rosalie Hale** _Call me._

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status:<strong>

**Bella Swan**_ SAVE ME! _(image attached)

Comments:

**Emmett McCarty**_ LMAO! Is that your mom in the bikini apron? HOOOOT!_

**Bella Swan**_ She thinks the restaurant will let her bake me a belated bday cake if she wears an apron. She ran across the street at some little store and came back with THAT!_

**Jacob Black**_ your mom in the kitchen? Are you helping her? Lord, duck for cover!_

**E. Cullen**_ Seriously. They told her no, but I don't think they realize who they're messing with. _

**Makenna Levine**_ Awww, how cute!_

**Bella Swan**_ OMG! They're going to kick us out. I know it!_

**E. Cullen**_ I have never been kicked out of anywhere unless it was because of me._

**Jacob Black**_ Shit. Looks like you found your match, Cullen!_

**Seth Clearwater**_ Be nice to my future mother-in-law, Cullen!_

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status:<strong>

**E. Cullen** _STARVING!_

* * *

><p><strong>Wall Post<strong> _to_ **E. Cullen**_ from_ **Bella Swan** _Does this look like starving to you?_ (image attached)

Comments:

**Jacob Black**_ Old school coke bottle. Nice!_

**Makenna Levine**_ Are you guys at Olive Garden? I LOVE that place!_

**Seth Clearwater** _You have no idea how good you have it, bro._

**Royce King **_Are you high, Cullen? Never thought I'd see you walk into an Olive Garden. Rabbit food, dude! _

**E. Cullen** _They keep giving us salad and bread sticks! WTF?! I want STEAK!_

**E. Cullen** _you are all witness to the way this girl treats her meat & potatos-loving man._

**8**_ people like this. _

**Jessica Stanley** _LOL!_

**Bella Swan**_ Isn't he so cute with a cheek full of carrot & ranch dip on his lip? LOL!_

**Bella Swan **_I love my boyfriend._

**E. Cullen** _likes this_.

**E. Cullen** _NOW the food comes! YES!_

-x-

"So," Mom looks at Edward. "How long did it take you to bag this one?" Her head tilts toward me before shoving a forkful of special baked cake into her mouth — made by the restaurant, not by her.

Edward smiles down at his plate and scoots his food around with his fork. "Too long, Renee," he says when he finally lifts his head up to look at her then turns to me. "Too damn long."

My lips pull up at the side of my mouth just as mom asks her next question. "So where did you two meet?"

_Yikes!_ My eyes widen and cheeks flame as I think about how Edward and I "officially" met each other. His hand squeezes my thigh under the table, and I know he's blushing, too. So I start to make something up at the same time Edward starts to make up his own version, and we simultaneously start talking about two different situations.

"At a party—"

"At a playground—"

We stop and look at each other.

"Huh?" Mom pauses.

I take Edward's hand with a wink. "At a playground." We both turn to my mom and start to explain.

She coos at us as if it's the cutest thing in the world and then blurts out, "Where was your first kiss? Who said I love you first? How did you say it? Oh, to be seventeen again! Young love; it's so adorable! You don't plan to impregnate my baby girl, do you?" She stares at Edward and then smacks Phil's shoulder so that his head pops up from staring at his cell phone screen.

I have no answer for my mom's mouth diarrhea. Also, no one at this table is seventeen anymore.

"Uh… No?" Edward says, completely at a loss.

Then mom turns her crazy on me. "Did you finally kick that Alice girl's ass?"

I choke into my glass of water.

"What is she talking about?" Edward stares at me, knowing full well what we're talking about.

I gasp for breath.

"Oops!" My mom plays innocent. "Okay, subject change. Oh, Foxy, aren't you so proud of Bella for getting into Vassar?"

That makes me choke all over again. I'm coughing so hard I almost vomit into my cup.

Edward's face gives him away for only a fraction of a second, too quick for anyone but me to notice. I slam my glass down onto the counter and glare across the table at my mom. Phil, sensing a famous Renee vs. Bella showdown on the horizon, leans into my mother and whispers something into her ear that makes her giggle and pull away shyly.

Crisis averted… or so I thought.

"I am, actually." Edward speaks over the sound of my mother's childish laughter and the hustle and bustle inside the restaurant. "I'm very proud of her." His eyes stare into mine so deeply that I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over me. He knows… Oh, my God.

_He knows! How does he know?_

It's not from my mother's fat mouth. So, how? Oh, God. My stomach bottoms out in fear. _How long has he known?_ I think I'm going to puke. _Why didn't he _say _anything?_ Maybe I'll cry after I puke. _Is he mad?_ My heart thumps so hard it makes the front of my shirt pulse. He can't be mad. He doesn't _look _mad. I try to duck my head, but his hand rises to gently take my chin in his fingers. I gulp nervously, and my eyes start to tingle. I'm going to cry. I can't handle this, not right now, not in front of my mother and Phil. _Why did she—_

"It's okay," he leans in and whispers into my ear. "We'll talk about this later. Don't cry in front of your mom, baby." He kisses my cheek. "I love you."

"What?" I look up at him in surprise. "I…" I blink and a lone tear escapes down my cheek. "You…"

He has no idea how heavy this has been on my shoulders lately. And for him to just casually accept this after how I agonized over it for _weeks_… I feel so stupid. I feel like he's lying just to save face in front of my mother. This is completely out of character for him. He flips his shit if I go to Port Angeles with my friends without telling him first.

Suddenly I'm pissed. "We'll talk about this later?" I scoff at him. "Are you fucking _serious_ right now? This from the guy who threw a fit when I—"

"We'll be right back," Edward explains to my wide-eyed mother as he all but drags me into the parking lot beside my mom's rental. "Bella, stop." He takes my face in his hands. "Stop crying. Jesus, why are you crying?" he asks crossly.

I didn't even know I was still crying. I try to wipe my eyes with my hands and the sleeves from my sweater as I fight to calm down. My sleeves are useless, too thin to absorb and not long enough to reach past my elbows. I watch Edward take a step back before pulling his hoodie over his head and dabbing my face with the soft, black cotton.

"I'm not mad. Don't think I'm mad, okay?" he assures me gently. "I saw the letter the night when you were getting ready for your birthday party. But I knew you'd get in anyway. It wasn't that big a surprise."

"You knew this whole fucking time?!" I scream and slam my hands against his chest. "I have been going out of my fucking mind these past few weeks, Edward! I've been looking up apartments and community colleges nearby so we can stay together. I just kept thinking you were going to freak out and think I was trying to leave you!" I push against his chest again in frustration. "And all this time you already _knew?!_"

"Is this why you've been acting so fucking weird lately?" he asks incredulously and runs a hand through his unruly hair. "Shit, I knew I was an asshole, but… God, Bella. I can't believe you would think…" He shakes his and leans against the car. "I mean, yeah, at first I was upset but only because… And then Royce was all over my case, and Jake…"

His rambling makes absolutely no sense to me right now. I take his face in my hands and force him to look at me. "Bottom line, Edward. Will you come with me?" I gulp as I wait for his answer.

I watch his eyes soften and his hands lift to cover mine and bring them down to his chest. "Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you?" His whisper is small but heavy with emotion. "I'd follow you anywhere."

My lips tremble, and before I can reply, his mouth is crushing mine, his hands bunched in my hair, his chest against my chest. I wrap my arms around his neck and draw myself closer, tightening my hold as hard as I can and kissing him back as if I can tell him how much I love him with just one kiss. I lose myself in him until we hear a loud throat clearing and yank apart to see my mother.

"You." She points at me. "Come here. You." She points at Edward. "Over there." Her arm swings toward Phil who is beckoning Edward over to the small convenience store beside the restaurant.

I slump against the car with my arms crossed and wait for whatever it is she's about to tell me. She waits until both Phil and Edward are completely out of sight before twisting back my way.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Her tone is full of confusion. When I say nothing in return, her eyes widen with realization and she says, "Is this why you waited so long to mail your acceptance letter, Bella?"

I force down that smartass part of me that wants to tell her to mind her own business and take a deep breath. My mouth forms a smile while I look at my mother's eyebrows in order to avoid her all-knowing eyes as I say, "Nothing. I'm just PMSing is all, I swear. College is a big step, and I'm stressed over Nationals and prom and Rosalie, and I just…" I shrug and avert my gaze to her brown leather boots. "I'm freaking out."

"Wow. You are such a bad liar, Isabella Marie Swan. You never could hold a straight poker face. You're just like your father in that respect." She lifts my face to stare into my eyes. "And just like your father, you don't know when to let go."

I gulp and feel the need to defend my dad. "You mean like you?" I snap without thinking and then quickly want to take it back. "I'm sorry." I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. I don't want to fight with her, but this is one subject we have never been able to see eye-to-eye on. "It's just… I'm not like you, mom. It's not easy for me to pack up and move on like you did with Dad. Hell, like you did practically my entire life."

She winces for only a second and pulls back. "Look, Bella, sometimes there are decisions in life that we make and have to live with…" Her pause makes me move closer to her. "I admit that I handled things with your father terribly. And I regret leaving you with my mother while I wandered about trying to figure out what to do with my life after Charlie. I have a lot of regrets in my life that I don't ever wish for you to have."

I gulp and bite the inside of my cheek to keep my eyes from watering. This the conversation I've been waiting for my whole life it feels like; one that I've never initiated, one that she's always avoided, one that I just now realize I _need _to know. Why wasn't my dad good enough for her? Why did it always feel like she was running from something? Why did it feel like it was because of _me?_

"You know I love you, sweetheart. You're the best thing to happen to me." She lifts her face to the sky and takes a deep breath through her nose. "Having said that—" She looks down at me again. "—I really wish I could have had you _after_ I figured out what the hell I wanted to do with myself. College, love, life, being a veterinarian—"

Despite the somber mood we're in, I feel the need to remind her, "You're allergic to animal hair, Mom." I laugh softly and wipe away any wetness from my eyes.

"That's not the point," she says and wipes away her own unshed tears. "The point is that there is so much out there for you. I know you never forget your first love, and I'm not asking you to, but don't let it hold you back. Don't let it stand in the way of what _you _want, Bella." She closes the gap between us and sets her hands on my shoulders. "You're meant for things much bigger than Forks. You know this as much I do, my beautiful baby girl."

Hearing her say these things makes me feel the heaviest guilt of all. Because she's right. I know she is. I feel it deep inside of me. I want Vassar. I want it so bad, it hurts. I want to experience life in a big city with honking cars in traffic and crowded sidewalks. I want to run across campus and pray I'm not late to class. I want to live one day with tall buildings, bright lights, obscene language, and risky essay topics. I want it all. And I know I won't get it here in Forks.

And it makes me feel bad to think that these are things my mom never had the chance to have. I may not have been planned, but I know I'm loved. Despite the hardships and the arguments and misunderstandings my mom and I have had over the last few years, I know she's always loved me. I still don't agree with how she's handled things in her life, but I now have a little more understanding.

Mom's arms slide around me again as I think of all this, and my eyes instantly fill with tears. Her lips at my ear whisper things like, "_It's going to be okay, my love"_ and_ "This is not the end. It's the beginning."_ Her words just make that tight feeling in my chest clench to the point of suffocation. I'm gasping, and it's then I realize it's not because of my chest. It's because I'm crying; gut-wrenching sobs that soak into my mother's sweater and stain the light blue with black mascara.

Then she takes my face in her hands and says, "I've seen the two of you together, and it's incredible to watch. You're so connected, Bella, like magnets. You move… he moves. Talk to him, honey. He'll understand. Because from the way he looks at you? There's no way he won't follow you to the end of the Earth. Just because it didn't work out between me and your father doesn't mean it won't for you and Edward."

It feels like forever before I'm able to breathe again without an air bubble threatening to tear out of my throat. My eyes are still red from crying, but my mom assures me that she's wiped away all of the "black shit" from around my eyes. Her words, not mine.

"Oh, my Bella," she whispers to me. "Come here, sweet child of mine." She opens her arms wide, and I walk into them gladly. She rocks me gently from side to side and sings Guns N' Roses into my ear.

I laugh into her shoulder and let her sing off-key to me in her arms until the boys come back out for us.

-x-

Mom and Phil are talking with my dad in the kitchen when I come downstairs from my room wearing warmer clothes. I'm not too thrilled about the sand that is sure to climb up my ass tonight at the bonfire, but I'm excited for Jake. We're all going down to La Push to celebrate his acceptance into Texas State.

"Hey." Edward's first to see me enter the room, and everyone else is lifting their gazes to mine.

Mom gives me a look and a wink while tilting her head to the unexpected guest at the table she's sitting at. It's a sign that says she approves, and I shake my head to tell her to stop. She has to be wrong about this other woman in the room. My dad doesn't date. Ever.

Or so I thought.

To anyone else, seeing their mom and stepdad under the same roof as their dad and his "supposed" new girlfriend might be weird. To me, it's still weird, but it's also just how my mom is.

Charlie, not so much. I can see by the constipated look on his face that the situation is uncomfortable for him. I know he'll always have feelings for my mom, but I also know that he's not pining away for her anymore. I know this because of the woman sitting at the table beside him.

Sue Clearwater.

Holy hell. I didn't even know they were dating until we came home and caught them trying to sneak out of the house with overnight bags. I'm still in a bit of denial. It's just so unexpected and weird and…

Phil's phone rings, and he tells mom he'll start the car and wait for her. He plants a kiss goodbye on my cheek as he passes by on his way out. Dad looks up at me nervously, and Sue begins to gather coffee cups and empty plates of what looks like apple pie. She offers Edward another piece, and his "Hell yes!" in reply makes her laugh and pat his cheek.

"I… uh…" Dad blushes and rubs a hand against the back of his neck. "I'm gonna drive Sue home, and I might um... st-stay the night."

"Ew." I grimace.

He sighs and says my name as a warning. "Bella…"

"Yeah, yeah. All right, whatever. Go and do grown-up things." I wave him away. "But don't you dare come home one day telling me you're pregnant, because you have your entire future ahead of you, Charlie Swan!"

"Ha. Ha." He rolls his eyes at me and pulls me over to kiss the top of my head. "Later, Bells."

Sue passes by and hugs me goodbye, as well, but it's awkward. She's always been Mrs. Clearwater to me, even though she and Harry have been divorced for almost as long as Seth has been alive. It's strange. My dad has a girlfriend who he has sleepovers with. _Ewww_.

"You gonna be okay?" Mom brushes the hair from my face. "I know this might seem weird, but your father is a man, Bella. He has needs, too, and—"

"Ew! Ew! Stop!" I cover my ears. "Gross! Don't ever- Just…don't, okay? _Blech_." I shudder.

She chuckles and pulls me into her side. "Well, Foxy," she looks at Edward. "It's been a blast, but I gotta hit the road. See you at the competition. I'll save you a spot." She winks and lifts a hand to wave goodbye to him, and then she steers me to the front door. "Walk me out, child," she orders me.

We walk out to the rental where Phil is behind the wheel, glued to his damn phone again, and Mom turns to me for a hug.

"See you in two days," she whispers to me.

"Bye, Mom." I sigh and pull away to head back for the house.

"Oh, and Bella?" she calls out, and I stop to look at her.

I frown curiously. "Uhh… Yeah?"

She takes a step forward. "Edward's a nice boy, very good looking and sexy. He has that whole bad boy vibe, and he—"

"Mom!" I laugh.

She shakes her head. "Oh, right. Okay. Anyway…"

I raise my brow curiously.

"I know how easy it is to be consumed by things. Just… don't forget who you are and what _you _want. Okay?"

"I won't." I promise her with a smile.

Then I'm waving goodbye. She's gone, and I'm standing outside my house trying to find the courage to walk back inside. Because now that's she's gone, it finally hits me that I'm an adult. I'll be graduating soon, and then I'll off to college. But knowing Edward will be with me is comforting. I'm still nervous as hell, but I know it'll be okay. That alone is such a relief.

"Why are you standing outside?" Edward's voice breaks into my thoughts. I look up to see him frowning as he opens the door.

I shrug and rush up the steps to join him. "Nothing. Ready to go?"

"Yeah." His hands circle my shoulders and bring me back around to face him. "You okay?" His eyes search mine before he brings me to his chest.

I press my lips to his and smile genuinely. "Yep."

-x-

The air tastes of salt as I sit a few feet away from the burning stack of wood placed in the middle of our gathering. The sun has long since said its goodbyes, and every now and then, I watch the flames lick the darkened sky above us. The moon is high and amongst it are a thousand twinkling stars that reflect against the vast sea before us. It's only a short walk to the ocean shore that slaps the surface sand with every swell that slides in.

Just looking at it makes me shiver with cold chills, and it causes Edward's arms to tighten around me. "You want my jacket?" His lips feel soft against the shell of my ear.

I shake my head and snuggle into him further. He's leaning against an old tree log, and I'm leaning against his chest while everyone laughs and clinks beer bottles or red plastic cups. There aren't too many people present; it's only a small and intimate gathering.

The main party started at the Black's house in celebration of Jake being accepted to Texas State on a football scholarship. Dad was there, too, with Sue among the friends of family in attendance. I could tell by the way he had looked at me from the corner of his eyes during the party that he wanted me to say something about getting into Vassar. But this is Jake's day, and I'm still cautious about announcing my own college acceptance. I don't want to jinx anything.

Edward's hand cradles the side of my face, his thumb caressing the apple of my cheek as he talks to Paul and Embry about cars. His other hand is held in front of me with fingers spread as I mindlessly link and unlink our fingers, pull and push, fist and extend. The heat from the fire feels amazing when the wind hits it just right in my direction.

"You all right?" he whispers into the side of my face, his arms tightening around me. At my nod, his snickers through his nose and the air tickles my ear, making me squirm and giggle. I swear this boy makes me act like such a girl. I can't even pretend to act like he doesn't affect me.

"What's so funny?" he utters deeply and directly into my ear so that it sends tingles and shivers all over me. "_Belllllaaa_, what's so funny?" He uses the deepest of baritones to say these words, and I'm literally squealing and laughing like a maniac.

"Stop!" I roll and wiggle until we're both wrestling in the sand. "Ah! Edward, I have sand in my ass!" I scream, and then I start to cough and spit when I get sand in my mouth.

"Shit," he chuckles and then pulls us both upright. "I think I swallowed a shell."

"You two okay over there?" Paul stares at us across the fire oddly. "What was in your cups?" he teases us, and Edward rolls his eyes and flips him off playfully.

"Shut up!" I laugh at the guys and snuggle back into Edward the way I was before our impromptu tickle fight.

"_Shut up!_" Edward mocks me in a high voice, which makes me toss my hand behind me to smack him with the back of my hand. "Ow! What the hell?" he scoffs when I accidentally hit his nose.

We're both pretty buzzed so it just makes both of us giggly again. "Sorry!" I shout when he wiggles his fingers in my sides as punishment.

"Gimme a kiss." He pulls my face to his lips by my chin. I purse my lips, and he swoops down and practically shoves his tongue down my throat. We stop when people start to catcall and whistle. Edward and I pull away with a smack of wet lips.

Quil shakes his head at us as he holds his fifth attempt at roasting a marshmallow over the flames. "And I thought Jake and Mak where bad."

"Ha!" Paul shouts. "Seriously, have you seen the two of them lately? They're acting like he's leaving tomorrow or something. Sheesh." His nose wrinkles.

"Man it's gonna be so different next year when Jake's gone." Embry frowns and tosses something into the fire so that it crackles. He still has one more year of school left, and with Jake being one of his biggest mentors, I can understand his slight uneasiness. "What about you, man? You planning on staying here?"

Edward links our fingers and brings my knuckles to his lips for a light kiss, then he smiles against the back of my hand. "Nah," he shakes his head casually. "I have plans of my own." Then I feel his lips on my jaw, trailing up to behind my ear where he nuzzles his nose until I turn to kiss him.

My eyes search for Jake's grinning face on the other side of the fire, where he stands with his friends gathered around him proudly. Royce has his arm slung around Jake's shoulders like a proud father, and the way Edward glances up at them every few minutes makes me feel like he feels that way about Jake, too. I know they've always been Jake's biggest motivators whenever he doubted his own talent, and I've come to learn that Makenna was his tutor when his grades started to slip earlier in the year, which is how they met.

I hate that a small part of me is kind of jealous. I wish Edward cared enough to want to go to college. I wish we were celebrating Edward's future at a university, and I could breathe easy without guilt or worry that he'll look at me one day with resentment. Now that he knows about Vassar, I feel great but I also feel a little apprehensive. What are Edward's plans for the future? I need to remind myself to ask him during our long drive to Seattle. It will be the perfect time and place to discuss things like that. Mostly because he'll be trapped with me in a moving vehicle. No chance for escape. I grin mischievously to myself at the thought.

"Hey!" A loud voice shocks me out of my mind. I look up to see Makenna trotting over to us with a sleepy smile and drunk eyes. Claire, Emily, and Rachel following close behind. "Oh, Cullen, Jake wants to talk to you." She motions behind her back where Jake and Royce are waving Edward over, and I bend forward to allow him room to get up.

"You're so drunk." I smirk at Mak who nods her head dramatically.

"I'm so happy!" She hiccups and covers her mouth with a hand and giggles.

"Whoa, there!" Embry's girlfriend, Claire, quickly reaches out to keep Mak from toppling over. "_Shit_." I hear a curse and then laugh as I watch Mak slide down to the sand with a dopey side smile.

"Come here, you." I open my arms, and she crawls closer to lean her head on my shoulder.

"I love my Be-Bo-Bell-_lah_." Mak snorts into the side of my neck. "You're funny," she snickers.

"You're drunk," I say back.

"I'm sleepy," she whispers and then rests her head on my chest and starts to breathe evenly. I look up at her friends, and we all hold back our laughs so as not to wake her up.

The other girls settle down around me, and I try to ignore the tiny part of me that feels nervous to be around girls that I don't really know, especially when they probably know more about Edward's past than I do.

"Heard you're going to Nationals this weekend." Claire is the first to speak up, her eyes travel the faces of those around her as if to see if it's cool to talk to me or not.

Apparently, it is.

"Yeah, I know someone who is going to be there from a different school." Rachel — Paul's girl that's a friend but not his "girlfriend" — smiles at me. "She said being a true cheerleader is like being a gymnast. You train, train, train, and have no time for a social life."

Emily looks up from her phone. "So does that mean you're not a true cheerleader, Bella?"

I pause and take a long and slow sip from my Solo cup while I stare at Emily without blinking. Only when she finally tears her eyes away to stare down at her phone again do I reply. "I guess I'm one of the lucky ones then. I can captain a cheer squad _and_ fuck my boyfriend whenever I want. In fact, he's coming with me to Seattle."

Not going to lie, I take great pride when Emily flinches at my words and types like crazy on her phone before walking off. There is no doubt she's relaying everything to either her cousin, Leah, or that whore, Alice. Rachel and Claire shake their heads at Emily in disgust and then turn to look at me apologetically.

"Forget her. She's Leah's bitch." Makenna slurs into my collar. I snort in amusement and pat her head.

"I've always wanted to be a cheerleader." Claire says before drinking whatever's left in her cup. "Are you nervous? You know, to be in front of all those people?"

"No," I shake my head. "My team is solid. We've practiced our cheers and our dance routine to the point of boredom and being able to sleepwalk through the choreography. We're set," I tell them.

There is nothing to worry about really, except maybe how the judges will score us without our former golden goddess, Rosalie. I'm so thankful for Jessica. She's really stepped up in Rose's absence, and our cheer mom's Connie, absence. I still can't believe I'm actually friends with Jessica-fucking-Stanley. How twisted is _that?_

"Be-bo-el-_lah _is gonna _kick ass_ this weekend!" Makenna suddenly throws her arm out in a quasi-battle cry. "Wish I could be there, but… I'm sleepy."

"I think it's time to take this party monster home." I say to Claire and Rachel. "How did you get here tonight, sweetie?" I ask Mak. and her answer comes in small, incoherent mumbles said into my jacket. In return, I pat her back and tell her that I'll take her before gently setting her against the log so I can get up and say goodbye to Jake.

"Good luck, Bella." Claire says when she stands and dusts off the sand from her jeans.

"Yeah," Rachel adds. "Break a leg. Well, don't _really _break a leg, but… ugh. You know what I mean." She hides her embarrassed face and walks away with Claire to their boyfriends.

When they're gone, I tell Makenna to stay where she is until I come back — not that she hears me — and start for the other side of the bonfire. Royce and Edward are laughing about something as I come up and shoulder between them so I can hug Jake.

"I'm so proud of you, Jerkface!" I say as he squeezes me in his arms and rocks us back and forth.

Royce teases us, and I flip him off. Edward chuckles and shoves Royce so he'll shut up, which then makes Royce shove him back and they start a playful lap fight against each other. _Boys_.

"I'm going to take your drunk girlfriend home, okay?" I squeeze my arms around the guest of honor.

"I'll take her, Bella. Don't worry about it." He lifts his head to look over my shoulder and frowns. "Wow. Is she okay? I told her that Claire and Rachel spiked their cups with vodka, but she didn't care. Damn, she looks like a crazy hobo."

His grimace makes me twist around to see Mak talking to Paul, Quil and Embry while completely sprawled out in the sand with lidded eyes. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing, and he pushes my shoulder and pretends to scold me for laughing at his girlfriend.

"I've seen you worse off, Smella." Jake ruffles my hair. "In fact I'm pretty sure I've held your hair back once or twice while you prayed to the porcelain gods." He snickers and dodges a weak punch from me.

"Oh, hush." I roll my eyes and pinch his side.

"Hush what?" Royce bounces over with renewed energy from his scuffle with Edward. He ruffles my hair in much the same way Jake had, and once again, he's engaged in yet another play fight. This time, it's with me.

But he doesn't play fair. He lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder fireman-style, then runs in circles to make me super dizzy.

"Edward!" I call for backup, but he holds his hands up empty at his sides and tells us he's Switzerland. _Jerk_.

I smack Royce on the back and shout for him to put me down, but he ignores me until I say I'm going to puke. He slows down but doesn't let me go. Instead he stands beside the guys and pretends I'm a fur coat.

"Nice," Edward plays along. "I love the texture." He slides his hand over my ass. "What do you call this?"

"I'm going to kick both your asses!" I yell and try hard not to laugh.

"Not sure. But it was cheap!" He shakes me, and I cover my mouth and burp. The sound makes Royce yelp, and he practically tosses me like a hot potato at Edward. "Here. You can have it!"

"Hey, fucker. Be careful. This is precious cargo." Edward sets me down and curves a hand over my ass. I lean against him while all the blood in my head goes back to its normal places.

"Shit, I feel like a fucking proud papa bear!" Royce throws his arm around Jake. "Who would have thought this skinny ass Quileute would one day be some hotshot quarterback?"

"Not me," Jake laughs. "I still remember the first time we all played football together. You and Cullen hammered my ass into the ground."

"That was to toughen you up." Edward smirks and shakes Jake by the shoulder. "I knew you were gonna grow into that big head of yours and become a bigger fucker than even me and Roy."

It's too dark to see, but I know Jake's blushing by the shy shake of his head. "Yeah, but seriously… Thank you." He looks at Edward and Royce. "I wouldn't have stuck with football if it wasn't for you two always encouraging me and shit. It was because of you guys training with me the summer before sophomore year that I even made the team."

"Nah," Edward disagrees. "You made that team cuz you're good, brother. Roy and I just made sure you never forgot that. Fuck, if one of us was gonna make it out of La Push?" he pauses to take a deep breath.

"It was gonna be you, bro." Royce clamps a hand onto Jake's shoulder.

Jake nods and raises his fist when Edward initiates a fist bump. Then he pulls Jake over for a "bro hug," and when it's Royce's turn to do the same, he grabs Jake in a headlock instead.

"Doesn't mean I can't still take you, though!" Royce makes pretend punching sounds as he keeps Jake under his arm and teases him with soft hits.

"You ready to go, babe?" Edward pulls a lock of my hair to break my thoughts and get my attention. "It's almost one."

"Yeah." I blink a few times before a yawn escapes me. I hug Royce and then turn to hug Jake. "Later, Texan," I tease him.

"Later, New York," he teases me back. When I look up at him curiously, he leans over and says into my ear, "I know about Vassar. I'm proud of you, Bells."

With a final squeeze that pulls the air from my lungs, I kiss his cheek.

"Your mom is weird, Bella." Royce shakes his head while scrolling through his phone. "Did you see what she just posted on your Facebook?" He holds out his phone to us. "Is that a picture of a dinosaur with your face on it?"

I groan. "Ugh. She just downloaded this new app on her phone that puts people's faces on things. She's been sending them to me all night. I guess she got sick of me ignoring her texts."

Edward snickers and pulls me to him. "Roy, you don't even know the half of the crazy that is Renee Dwyer. And let me tell you, the apple does not fall far from the tree."

"Hey!" I elbow his ribs and pretend to be offended.

"What?" He plays innocent. "I love your crazy." He kisses my mouth.

I pull his face down to mine and kiss the hell out of him.

-x-

The DJ on the radio says it's well past midnight and nearing the witching hour. I don't particularly know what he's talking about, but when I look over at Edward's raised brow, I laugh and we both shake our heads. He switches it off, and I sigh when Edward's fingers slip free from my grip so he can hit the gate opener on his sun visor.

The large black gates slide open, and we move forward just as Edward reclaims my hand in his. I feel heavy with sleep, and I'm eager to cuddle under the covers with my boyfriend. A yawn takes over me when we pitch forward past the gates, and he glides into his assigned parking spot with ease.

"Don't go to sleep." He shakes me and I snort at him, pushing my door open. "I mean it. I have something for you."

"Gimme." I hold a hand out as he rounds the front of the car toward me.

He smirks and rubs a finger gently over my bottom lip. "You're so fucking beautiful, baby." His whisper sends chills through me. "I know I don't deserve you, but I'm too damn selfish to let you go."

"Don't talk like that," I scold him with a deep frown. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to hear you say things like that?" I raise a hand and press it to the side of his face. "I love you. All of you." I lean in and kiss him softly. "Once we're in New York, you can be anything you want to be. It's a chance to start over, reinvent yourself."

His nod is slight, but I can tell he's not really taking my words to heart.

"Hey." I grab onto his jacket and shake him once firmly. "Look at me, Edward." I wait for his eyes to lock with mine. "Please promise to try?"

He nods and bends his head to mine so our foreheads touch.

"I'll be good to you, Bella. I promise. I'll do whatever it takes to deserve you someday." His hands squeeze my waist and slide up my back to pull me to his chest.

"You're already good to me," I say with my nose in his collar and my lips on his skin.

"I want to be better," he whispers back and reaches into the front of his hoodie to pull out a little black box.

"Edward…." I gasp and look up at him with a wide, gaping mouth and a pounding heart. "Oh, my God." I shake my head. "You didn't—"

"I didn't." He stops me with a finger against my lips. "Just open it."

I bite my tongue to keep the smile at bay and look at the box in my hands. Working up the courage to see what's inside isn't nearly as hard as it takes everything inside of me to keep from turning into a blubbering mess. "Edward?" I look up at him unsure. "Are you… Really?"

He takes the box from me, pulls out the long silver chain, and takes the pendant at the end between his fingers. "C'mere." He motions for me to turn around so he can put it on me.

I lift my hair and bite my lip to stop its trembling. When he's done, I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck.

"You know how much this means to me, right?" he asks as he stares into my eyes.

I nod and reach down to hold up the shamrock pendant - his _mother's _shamrock pendant - the one he had in his hand the day I pummeled him to the ground from the swings.

"Well, now you can understand how much _you _mean to me," he explains and fingers the chain at my neck. "You're the most important person in my life, Bella, my _favorite _person. I just want you to always know that."

I lean forward and kiss his lips softly. "I know it, Edward." I kiss him again and press my forehead to his. "I wish I had something significant to give you in return so you know how much I love you back."

He smiles and slides his hand between us to press against my heart. "You already have."

-x-

We're laughing playfully with each other on his bed and wrestling for the remote. He likes to sleep with the TV on, and I can't stand the light in my face.

"You know this will not be our nightly routine when we move, right?" I warn with a smirk, remote dangling over our heads while he crushes his body on top of mine.

"I can be persuasive." He wiggles his brows, and with only the television lighting up the room, he's all dark angles and sexy smirks.

"But I can't sleep with the light," I pout.

He mocks me with an exaggerated huff of his own then plucks the remote away. "I'll lower the brightness."

"_Edward_." I groan. "_Why_?"

He ignores me and changes the settings, eyes on the screen and not me. "You know why," he says quietly.

I wince and feel like a total bitch. He's told me this before. I can't believe I forgot. After his mom left, he used to put the television on when he went to sleep at night so it didn't feel like he was alone. His dad was never home even before he took off, but the silence was a constant reminder that Elizabeth was gone. He'd watch _Nick-at-Night_ until he'd fall asleep to the sound of _Mary Tyler Moore, Sanford and Son, _and _Andy Griffith_. After a while, he found that he couldn't sleep without them.

I take a deep breath and lay back on the pillows.

He sits at the foot of the bed watching the TV on a low setting, and I end up crawling over and wrapping my arms around him. Chin on his shoulder, I sigh and kiss his jaw. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I suck."

His lips quirk, but he doesn't say anything. Then, I pull back and hop off the bed to stand in front of him. My hands push until he scoots all the way back to his spot on the bed, and then I rest against his chest and rub my hand up and down his torso.

"Mary Tyler Moore was a total babe in her day," I mumble into his shirt. "I used to want to be just like her. I used to watch her show with my grandma."

I feel his hand creep up under my shirt to caress my back. "You miss her?"

I nod and lift my leg over one of his. "Yeah. You ever wish you knew your grandparents?"

He shrugs. "Not really." His response makes me sad. "Doesn't matter now anyway," he adds and looks down at me. I arch my brow as if to ask why. "I have you," he answers.

I rise up and kiss his cheek, the corner of his mouth, and then his lips. His long, nimble fingers feather down my face and catch at my bottom lip, pulling it downward until the tip of his finger leaves and it flips back so he can trail over the curve of my chin. His eyes watch his hand's every move before he kisses me. One kiss turns to two then three, and then he's on top of me and his hands are everywhere. He palms my tits, thumbs over my nipples, grinds his hips into mine so that I can feel him hard between my thighs.

"Mmm… That feels amazing," I moan as he sucks and nibbles at my neck. The outline of his cock rubs me just the right way so that I'm panting and needy within seconds. I love the broad span of his shoulders hovering over me while his mouth presses wet kisses from my lips to my neck. I feel so small compared to him. Large hands grip and run the length of my sides carefully, like he's handling a delicate treasure. He makes me feel so precious.

I slide my fingers up his back and push his shirt up higher. "I want to feel your skin on mine," I whisper, and we pull apart and sit up. I grin, and he leans forward to kiss me. I push his shirt further up his chest, and he reaches behind his neck to slip it over his head.

My lips press where my tattoo is. I lick my tongue out over it and then move down to tease his nipple with my teeth and tongue. He shivers, and I can feel his heart going crazy in his chest. I press slow and lingering kisses to his warm skin and leave behind slick lip prints.

"C'mere," he says before yanking me up by my waist and onto his lap.

We start to kiss again, lips pressing once and then pulling back slowly. Edward's lips are pillow soft, but forceful when I open my mouth and his tongue slips inside. He groans, and I feel his hands wander down my shoulders and over my breasts to the bottom of my shirt, where they slip under and roam upward. My skin roars alive like a fire when his warm palms rubs across my stomach, then up, up, _up_ to cup my breasts, rubbing, kneading tenuously. I gasp as my nipples peak under his touch.

"Edward," I whine and wither, arching into his hands.

"Fuck, I love your tits." He stares at them in awe, as if he hasn't seen them a hundred times, hasn't sucked them into his mouth or covered them in his cum.

My head falls back when his hands push and bunch them together. I watch him bow forward with eyes that never leave mine as he slides the flat of his tongue over my left nipple. My thighs tense astride his hips, and he grins and pushes back so that I feel how hard he is. My panty covered hips roll over his, and my arms wrap around his neck to pull him in closer. He kisses my collarbone, under my chin, and up to my lips, and my fingers dig into his hair and tug.

"I love when you do that," he pants into my mouth, so I do it again. He grunts and lifts his hips into mine so that I whine against his lips and push back. His arms are strong, protective, and his large hands with long lithe fingers caress me and suddenly grab and clench, like I'll float away if he lets go. "You fit so perfect right here with me, Bella." His small confession draws my eyes closed, and my forehead tilts forward to touch his.

"That's because I belong right here with you." My nose nuzzles his, and our lips hover so close, we share a breath. His hands span my waist and move up my sides and then slowly back down my spine. "Just like this," I whisper and dip my mouth down to his.

My hips rock, and his rise to meet mine — slow, not fast. We take our time and gasp together when the friction grows too intense. Lips touch and pull away only to link up again until he moves onto my neck, pulling flesh between his lips and teeth gently while teasing me with his wet tongue. My hands tangle in his short locks, barely enough to twist between my fingers with enough strength to entice him to continue what he's doing. I lean back when his palms press to my ribs and his thumbs play and circle my sensitive peaks.

"Please," I whine for nothing and everything. I slide my hands down the back of his neck, over his shoulders to softly claw the front of his chest down to his sweatpants. "Touch me, Edward." My voice is husky and filled with desire.

"Where?" he asks, fingers slipping into the backs of my sleep shorts, past my panties and curving around my ass. "Here?" he squeezes, and I bury my face into the space between his neck and shoulder. My hips start to rock back and forth again, working up a steady rhythm that causes his hands to grip harder.

"Sit up." His tone is breathless, chest heaving and eyes dark with need. I do as I'm told, and he pushes my shorts and panties down my hips to my thighs. One at a time, I lift my knees so he can pull my bottoms free. "So wet," he whispers as one hand clenches around my ruined sleepwear. "Do I make you wet, baby?" he speaks into my stomach, and for a moment, I wonder if he's talking to me or my pussy.

I don't get to ask, because he's spreading my knees apart. My arousal is between his fingers that circle around my clit. I bite my lip and fall forward to cry into his shoulder. My hips undulate involuntarily, and the added pressure causes my mouth to gape and my teeth to dig into his skin. He slips a finger inside my opening, and I cry out and buck into his hand as he adds another.

His lips press small wet kisses all over my chest, my shoulders, all while he teases my pussy with his fingers, pushing in and pulling out with his watchful eyes glued to the motion. He whispers how hot and wet and perfect I am, how good it feels when my pussy clenches around his fingers. I can barely contain my whimpers and cries until my entire body seizes up, and I'm shrieking out into the room. I barely have time to recover before I'm flipped onto my back and his mouth is on me, sucking and licking at my pussy, like it's made of the sweetest honey.

"You taste so fucking good. Do you love when I put my mouth on you, baby?" his deep voice hums before his tongue flicks against my clit and sucks it between his lips.

"Ah!" I yelp, and it's followed quickly by a long moan. "So good. So fucking good."

My hands fist into the sheets to keep from pressing his face into me further while my hips rise and rock. Even though it's so good it hurts, I can't stop him. I try to push him away when the feeling is too intense, but he grunts and swirls his tongue around my opening and then slides it up to circle my swollen nub.

"Edward!" I scream and yank at his hair so that he darts up, and I attack his mouth with mine. It's wet and sloppy and I taste myself on his lips, but I'm so fucking buzzed from my orgasm, I could care less. I slink a hand down between us to cup him over his sweats, and he thrusts into it with a groan.

"You want my mouth?" I ask just as my hand slips into his sweats and wraps around his cock, stroking up and down his silky length. My thumb circles the tip, and I love the way he shudders and nearly collapses on top of me.

"Fuck… Yes. I want your mouth on me, baby," he huffs into my neck, hips rocking into my hand as I cup his balls and squeeze.

"Lay back," I whisper with a hand against his chest. We both work together to remove his sweats — no underwear — and I lick my lips and make sure he watches me as I lower my mouth and kiss the salty tip of his cock. His stomach muscles clench, and I watch his hands rise as if to grab me but fall back to his sides. I flatten my tongue against him and lick upward, never looking away and loving how he twitches, just before I wrap my lips around his cock and slide my mouth down until I feel him touch the back of my throat. I hum as if savoring chocolate and his chest rises and falls with quick breaths, eyes still locked on my face. When I pull up, I immediately swallow him back down and breathe through my nose as I hollow out my cheeks. When I need to breathe, I pull him out and stroke him with my hand a few times before diving back in.

"Fuck, yeah… Make me come, baby," he whispers, and I feel his hand on my cheek and his fingers push the hair from my face so that he can watch me. He sucks air between his teeth when I set my hands onto his thighs and use them for leverage as I speed up my bobbing. "_So good_," he says, and it spurs me on faster, deeper. I reach out, and he links our fingers tightly. I pull it to my head, and he knows I want him to guide me toward his climax.

When it feels like every muscle in his entire body tenses up, I cup his balls, squeeze, pull gently, and then he explodes down my throat, shouting my name and falling limp. I swallow every drop without hesitating so that I don't think about how it tastes. I love how he trembles beneath me, skin slick with a light sheen of sweat and breath shallow and quick.

"God damn, I love you. C'mere." He pulls me to his chest and kisses me hungrily until it tapers off into slow sensual kisses.

Naked and aroused, I rub my body against his and find friction where I can until he's ready for me again. Still breathless and with a racing heart, he presses his lips all over my face and whispers that he loves me just before his mouth covers mine. The heat inside of me starts to build up again as we kiss and stroke and whisper sweet nothings to each other.

"You're so beautiful." His eyes bore deep into mine as I trace a finger along his jaw line. "Everything about you, Bella… I just want to deserve you. I'll do anything for that." He picks up my necklace and kisses it, then sets it back down gently. "You know I'd do anything for you. All you have to do is ask me, Bella baby."

I wiggle and pull until he's hovering over me with his face between my hands. "Love me, Edward," I whisper so soft he has to read my lips. "That's all I want."

Naked skin slides, hands touch and grab and pull. Lips press and kiss, and tongues slick over salty, sweaty skin while giggles fill our ears until they turn to moans. My head falls back, and my chest arches when I feel his cock slide up and down between my folds, slick with my wet arousal. I groan and shiver each time the tip pushes against my clit. It's so good, I bend my knees higher and circle his hips with my ankles crossed.

One hand spread palm down beside my head slips down to where my shoulder lies. Edward leans to his right, and I watch him reach down between us to line us up. He teases his tip up and down my slit, smirking at my deep intake of breath and trembling torso. His eyes rise to meet mine, and with no words, he tells me he loves me. I feel it in his touch, see it in his gaze, and hear it with every shaky breath from his lips, and he slowly pushes into me.

My mouth falls open with a gasp as soon as his pelvis touches mine so achingly slow and sweet. One hand goes to the hair at the back of his neck and the other to his bicep so I can draw him down to meet my quivering lips. I mewl into his mouth when he pulls back bit by bit with a look of absolute adoration. It's so intense, it makes my eyes sting, and with a push, he fills me again. I cry and whimper in pleasure. He feels so good pushing in and out of me in a steady rhythm that picks up speed until my stomach tenses. My thighs squeeze, and my pussy tightens, and his eyes close with shallow breathes against my cheek.

I feel him trembling above me and know he's going to come soon even though I'm nowhere near my own end, and that's okay. Because this feels so amazing, so fucking fantastic and powerful and full of love. I don't think I ever really understood the term "making love" until this very moment.

"Ah, Bella…" comes his husky warning.

"It's okay." I kiss his chin. "Let it go, baby. Give it to me. I want it." I kiss him again and close my eyes as he thrusts erratically with his brow wrinkled and his jaw clenched. He's so breathtakingly beautiful, especially now when every single one of his defenses is down, leaving him open and vulnerable and mine… all mine.

"Ah, fuck…" he curses and buries his face into my neck while his hips press me hard into the bed as he finally gives into his pleasure. His arms wrap around me, yanking me into his chest, and he comes inside of me. His body quivers with aftershocks and with every jerk I say softly into his ear, "I know. I know, baby." I know how intense it can be between us, how all-consuming these emotions are when we're connected like this. "Bella…" he huffs and struggles for breath against my shoulder as his heart flutters against my chest.

We stay locked together for a few more seconds until he pulls out and rolls onto his back with me on his chest. I want to lift my leg and curl it around one of his, but I can feel his cum leaking out of me and I don't want to ruin this moment. So I stay still with my thighs pressed closed, and I kiss my tattoo several times and whisper the words across his skin over and over until his heart settles and he lifts me in his arms to the shower.

I can't wait to make nights like this permanent with him in Poughkeepsie.

-x-

_I look to you_

_When I see nothing_

_I look to you_

_To see truth_

_And I look to you_

_When I feel nothing_

_And I look to you_

_To be_

_And I walk in a field with wings_

_I walk in a field with wings_

_I walk in a field with wings_

_I walk in a field with wings_

_I walk_

_To you_

_So tell me where to find you_

_And tell me where to go_

_Cause I've tasted all your affections_

_From my mind_

_My heart_

_My body_

_And my soul_

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song _With Wings_ sung by Amy Stroup.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your reviews and messages and tweets. You are all so awesome and patient and I know I took forever. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I really do love you all so much, thank you for choosing to take part in this crazy story. You're all awesome highest of fives to everyone.

Special shout to my bestie **Heather** (londonstew/duvalheather), she

I really want to thank everyone who stepped up to offer their beta services. I went with _Smexy4Smarties_, but for some reason we lost touch (could have been my lack of providing an update for months on end). Thank you to Justine for helping me during the first few rewrites, lol. So now I want to thank my new beta and awesome friend **MariahajilE** for being so awesome and agreeing to take this monster on. Thanks, girl!

**I will never pull TSB unless FF does.**

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	38. Burning All The Bridges

Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Twilight or else I would never have to work again.

-x-

NOTE: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT BETA'D.

-x-

**The Slowest Burn**

That awkward moment when… you're the only one who's high.

**Ch. 38:** _Burning All The Bridges_

Between school, cheerleading, Rose and Royce, and Edward… time is a valuable thing I don't seem to have enough of. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. Oh that Macdonald Carey knew what he was talking about. Sometimes my life feels like a soap opera, the drama alone could spark some great ideas for TV show writers.

For instance, I'd barely been awake for 30 minutes this morning before I had three different cheerleaders screaming in my ear. First it was Tia bitching about having to share a room with anyone who was not Liam. I had to remind her – for the tenth time – that we were given strict rules to not allow co-ed roommates. In fact, the boys on our squad had to be on an entirely separate floor. Ridiculous if you ask me, Tia and Liam will find a way to hook-up one way or another. They always do. But this was one of the promises we all made in order to keep the chaperones down to two instead of five. Regardless, I'm staying with Edward and I've already made my sneaky plans in order for that to happen.

The second crisis of the morning came from Chelsea when she bawled for five minutes – this was before she was stable enough to speak to me in coherent, but choppy, sentences – because she couldn't find her lucky spanks. I literally had to talk her down from the ledge between sanity and crazy town. Then she called me back ten minutes later to tell me she was already wearing them… face? Meet palm.

Third call was from Jessica cursing up a storm because Constance "Connie" William, our Cheer Mom, wanted to change hotels due to the one we're booked at not allowing dogs in the rooms. Apparently Mr. Wiggles – her 130 pound English Mastiff – was a certified Service Dog. His service? Keeping Connie happy because she refused to take Prozac.

So it was no surprise that I was in a crabby mood an hour later when Edward pulled up and honked his horn from the driveway. The sheer audacity was enough to have me drop my bags in the living room and wait until his honking stopped and he began to bang on the door. One look at my father's pissed off face and his entire arrogant demeanor went from 60 to zero. I was nearly carried out on pillows after the lecture Edward got about how to treat a lady and how today's society was lacking in chivalry.

I love my dad. I just wish he didn't have to work all the time. I wanted him to be there for my competition, but he assured me he would if he could. But due to a shitty economy the town of Forks was short staffed… to about four officers and two of them were out sick. _Yeesh_.

"_Anything else your majesty_?" Edward had replied once we were settled inside his car and on our way toward Seattle. I had to use my Puss In Boots eyes to get him to stop at a Starbucks before we got onto the highway. He called me a baby and said I needed to work on my morning attitude when I grumbled for the ten minutes we waited in line for my drink.

I told him to bite me when we got back to the car and he did just that. Grabbed my arm and jerked me clear across the seat – by the way, seatbelts burn when they slide against your skin really fast – then sunk his teeth into the inside of my wrist. That sure as hell woke me up. But I still moaned and acted as if each swallow of my Vanilla Latte was pure pleasure in a liquid form.

I think Edward was jealous of the reaction because after Edward adjusted his suddenly tighter pants, he then said caffeine was hazardous to my health. I said so is marijuana. He said that marijuana was a plant – au naturale, something God made for us to use –so therefore it's not bad for you. I told him the same thing was true about coffee. He scoffed and said that coffee was so over-processed that it wasn't even a plant any more.

I said the same thing was true about pot.

We debated back and forth on this topic until we hit Port Angeles where he cranked the stereo up to a near deaf volume. Needless to say, we agreed to disagree. I found myself wishing Jake – or even Royce –were here. Royce could tell me embarrassing stories about Edward and as payback Jacob would tell Edward stories about me and then we'd both – Edward and I – would counterattack with our own Royce and Jacob stories.

If there is one thing I've realized so far on this road trip, it's that Edward is exceptionally good at playing road trip games. He's whooped my ass so far in _I Spy, Name_ _That Tune, License Plates,_ and if he hits me one more time while shouting "_Slug-Bug!_" I'm going to knee him in the fucking balls.

"You're a cheater!" I shout and point an accusing finger in his face with a gasp. "I totally saw you using sound hound just now!" I reach over and try to pry his phone from his deceitful hands.

He laughs from deep inside his chest and the vibration against my shoulder feels wonderful. "I was not, I'm texting Royce. Look." He holds it out to me and I snatch it away to check his open apps.

Damn him and his inhuman ability to know every song that comes on the radio regardless of the station. I make a mental note to try a Christian rock station later on. That ought to stump his smug ass. I grin at him and open an app on his phone where I can pick a picture and add any face I want from Edward's camera roll.

My first victim is Royce. I choose a picture of a huge violet Peacock and paste a picture of Royce yelling at the camera (from the look on his face I'm betting Edward paid dearly for this shot). At the bottom I add a caption that reads: "_I'm like a peacock, Captain! You gotta let me fly!_" Then I post it on Facebook and wait for the comments to star rolling in.

"What are you doing?" Edward asks suspiciously as I snicker into his shoulder and work on placing Jacob's face on a woman with huge muscles.

"Oh, God. No." He shakes his head. "What's been seen…" He grimaces and looks back at the road. "Cannot be unseen."

I post it to Facebook and crack up at the comments so far for Royce.

"What?" Edward pinches my thigh and tightens his arm around me. "Read 'em to me."

I bite his shoulder playfully as payback for him pinching me and then scroll through the comments on his phone, reading the funniest out loud. "Seth said: _God gave me wings, let me use them!_ Haha! I love that kid." I scroll down and smile at all the likes that the post has gotten. "Oh! Look what your best friend Leah said—"

"You mean _your _best friend?" He teases.

I stick my tongue out at him and squeal when he digs his fingers into my side. "Okay! Okay! Uncle." I take a deep breath and push the hair from my face. "She said: _I always knew he was a fairy._ Oh! Burn!" I hiss and pretend the phone is hot.

"She has a lot of nerve." Edward twists his lips into a grimace. "She's the one who's been hot for Alice since we were in sixth grade."

"Noooo!" My eyes pop open as I turn to look at his face. "You're kidding me!" I shake my head in disbelief. It would explain a lot though if it were true. I shiver and push those thoughts out of my head. Bleh.

After two more hours in the car it feels like we've talked about everything except for the important things going on in our lives. Like meeting his mom. Or moving across country when it's time to leave for Vassar. I repeatedly keep telling myself that I have time to worry about Vassar later, to deal with things one at a time. But the closer we get to Seattle, the more I chicken out.

I know we need to talk about what's going to happen in Seattle. I know I personally need to prepare myself, but I haven't seen Edward bat an eyelash lately. "You nervous about meeting your mom?" I slink my arm across the seat so that I can play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

His shrug is slight, eyes staring straight ahead and lips perfectly pouty and kissable. Unable to resist, I lean over and do just that. His lips are addicting, so I end up kissing him about three more times before pulling away.

"You figured out what it is you're going to say to her?" I ask with my head against his shoulder and his hand on my thigh between gear shifts.

"Not really. I think I'm just gonna wing it, y'know?" He turns his head to look at me sideways. "What about you?"

I frown in confusion. "What do you mean, 'what about me?'"

"Are you nervous?" He enunciates each word as if I'm hard of hearing.

I pinch his side and roll my eyes. "I'm always nervous, Edward."

He chuckles and agrees. "True, true. I think I'm even starting to see gray hairs." He starts to poke at the flyaways around my face.

"You are not!" I laugh and grab onto his wrist to bring it to my lips. "You love me _and _my weird tendencies to worry about well, everything."

He pulls his arm from my hands to circle it around my waist and slide me as close as the seatbelt will allow. "It comes with the package." He kisses my temple. "I guess maybe I'm a little nervous…" he lets the sentence die off and gets lost within his own head for a few seconds before continuing. "I just keep imagining her looking like she did when I last saw her, you know?"

I nod and rub my hand up and down his arm.

"But that's not what she looks like on her website, she looks older—_a lot_ older." His eyes widen as he says this. "Actually, she looked over tanned and a had shit-ton of makeup. It made me wonder if she's a trophy wife to some controlling bastard and that's why she stayed away. She had no choice." He shrugs. "Or... maybe she thought I was in better hands with my dad? Like, maybe she got into drugs and shit, or… fuck, I don't know. But I know she wouldn't have left me by choice." His frown makes my heart hurt. "She was the only one in that house who loved me."

I kiss his jaw and rest my head on his shoulder while I go over the possibilities of any of those situations being true. I think it's burned into a woman the moment she becomes a mom that she would rather walk through fire than allow anything to come between her and her child. Right? I mean, Renee wasn't mother of the year, but she never truly abandoned me. She could have left me with Charlie when she left Forks, but she didn't.

"What if you get there and she's not what you expect?" I say before actually considering what I'm asking. "I don't mean physically. But do you think she might be upset that you didn't say who you really were to begin with? Or what if she's a huge bitch?" I cringe at the last question and wish I could take it back.

He's quiet for a few seconds, chewing away on the corner of his lip in deep thought. He totally got that from me. I reach out to gently pull his poor lip free from his teeth and stroke the side of his face a few times for comfort. He shaved this morning so his jaw and cheek are smooth and soft, making me lean forward to press my lips against them. I feel so guilty for making him think about the negative possibilities about meeting his mother.

"I'm sorry, babe." I rub my hand against his arm and across his chest. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sure she's going to be so surprised and happy to see you. But just on the off chance that things don't go your way I want you to be prepared. Okay?"

He nods without looking at me, still lost inside his head.

"Hey," I touch his cheek so he'll acknowledge me for a moment, even though I know he's driving. I only need a second. "It's going to be fine, all right?"

He nods and I'm tempted to unbuckle my seatbelt to get closer to him.

"I love you." I tell him.

He smiles when our eyes meet and brings my hand to his lips. "Love _you_." He whispers against my knuckles.

His eyes are so green and so filled with the kind of emotion that makes you want to wiggle around and squeal like a happy child. He's not perfect, but he's so fiercely loyal and loving to those he trusts. It's amazing the things he'll do for the people he cares about. How could his mother not welcome him back with open arms?

-x-

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**Royce King **_I think this gas station is about to be robbed. This dude looks suspect._

Comments:

**Jacob Black** WTF? Get the hell out of there!

**Rosalie Hale** Is that why you wont answer your phone?!

**Royce King** No, that's on purpose.

**Rosalie Hale **You're an ass.

**Royce King** I love it when you get all mad. You're adorable.

**Rosalie Hale** Fuck. You.

**Royce King** Yes. Please.

* * *

><p><strong>FACEBOOK E-mail notification:<strong>

_Between_ **Emmett McCarty** _and_ **Bella Swan**

**Emmett McCarty** Kick ass, Cheerella! Wish I could be there, but my little bro is super sick and my parents are out of town. Big bro duty calls.

**Bella Swan** You're so sweet, Emmy. ILY.

**Emmett McCarty** Back atcha, Kid.

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status:<strong>

**Seth Clearwater** _Wishing I were in Seattle so I could cheer for my boo during her competition. I am there in your heart my love!_

Comments:

**Jacob Black** Your life makes me sad.

**Emily Clearwater** You're a dork, Seth!

**Leah Clearwater** Gross.

**Paul Lahote** I still don't know how you get away with wanting Cullen's girl and not getting your ass kicked.

**Bella Swan** It's because we plan to elope. Shhhh! Don't tell Edward!

**Jacob Black** hahaha

**Seth Clearwater** *dead*

**Royce King** Exactly, Seth. You'll be dead when Cullen finds out. Haha

**Seth Clearwater** Worth it!

-x-

Seattle is bustling with activity when we arrive and the hotel we're staying at is filled to capacity with cheerleaders from all over. Some are all dressed in their warm-ups, some in spandex, some in jeans, and some in things that are best left for nightclubs. I have to smack Edward on the back of his head when his eyes bug out at all the flexible and half-naked girls in the lobby.

"What the hell?" he grimaces and then laughs at my jealousy. "You're so fucking adorable, babe." He slinks his arms around my waist so that my back is against his chest and his lips are pressing in the crook of my neck. "You know you're the sexiest girl here, right?"

I hide a smile and search for Jessica who has my room key.

"Right?" he says again and starts to tickle my sides with his fingers until I'm screaming and squirming and we look like two idiots in love.

"Barf-o-rama." Jessica approaches with a look of disgust and a key hanging between two fingers. "You so owe me for this. I'm bunking with Bevin and Jennifer now, did you know Bevin sleeps with her mouth open and Jen talks in her sleep? Ugh."

"Thaaank yooou." I sing-song happily and pull Edward along with me to check out the room I'm technically supposed to share with my co-captain.

One of the girls on the teams mom has a friend who works for Marriot-Courtyard and hooked us up with a sweet deal. We're supposed to bunk two to a room, but there are always exceptions.

The room is simple, a bed, flat screen, balcony, and a bathroom. The white walls give the room a bright and clean look, but the maroon bedspread and wooden nightstand, desk, and dresser bring a warm comfort to my senses. Edward goes straight for the bathroom and pokes his head out to stare at me with a huge grin.

"I can't wait to fuck you in this tub." He points inside with a lingering look thrown my way that burns from my tummy to my lady bits.

"Charming, Cullen." I snort and start to unpack my stuff for the weekend.

Two nights alone with Edward-well, aside from the reunion with his mom and my national cheerleading competition… Shit. Who am I kidding, this is going to be stressful and I am at some point going to freak out. Not knowing when worries me even more.

I am such a nutjob.

"Bella!" Edward snaps his fingers in front of my face, causing me to flinch and jerk backward. He laughs his ass off when my hip hits the corner of the bed and I roll right off and thump on the floor.

"Stop laughing at me you jerk!" I pull one of my shoes off and chuck it at his head.

He ducks and it sails over him and slams against the wall. "Jesus, Bella! What the hell? I was calling your name and you went into zombie mod, how else was I supposed to get your attention?" He snorts and holds his hand out for me to take.

I yelp when he yanks me upright and into his chest.

"You know what you need, baby?" he smirks at me deviously.

I roll my eyes. "I am not getting in that tub right now."

He chuckles huskily and nuzzles the spot between my neck and shoulder. "Mmm… that's not until later." He nips at my skin and I shiver. "I meant a little herbal remedy?"

"Edward!" I smack his chest and go to set my things in the bathroom. When I come out Edward is going through the fruit basket like he's at a flea market.

"Hey!" I push him out of the way with a laugh and look for the card. "This is for cheer captains only, mister!" I snatch a brownie from his hand and take a huge bite. "Oh, wow! So moist!" I point to my mouth with wide eyes.

Edward's eyes are twice the size as normal as he gapes at me while I pig out. "Babe, give me that." He reaches for my brownie and I whirl around with a scowl. "Bella, I'm serious! Don't eat that!"

"Too little, too late!" I laugh at him and skip across the room, one hand full of brownie and the other holding the card that was taped to the basket.

_Welcome Forks High Cheer Squad!  
>The Marriott-Courtyard is pleased to have<br>you as guests during this years 2012 NCA Senior and  
>Junior High School National Championship!<br>Good Luck and enjoy your stay!_

I smile at the card and take another giant bite of the brownie. Damn this thing is chocolatey and delicious. "Babe, here, try this." I hold out half of the brownie and he quickly takes it from me and sets it down on the table.

"Bella! You just fucking ate half a special brownie!" He laughs at me incredulously and shakes his head.

"Hell yeah that thing was special! It was orgasmic!" I giggle and lick my fingers before sucking one between my lips seductively. "In fact…" I take a step toward Edward until he grabs onto my shoulders to stop me at arms length.

"Babe! It's a pot brownie! A guy at work gave it to Royce and he didn't want the temptation so I took it." He laughs. "Holy shit, Bella, you're about to be so fucking high."

I drop down onto the nearest chair and blink slowly. Everything slows down and it's so quiet, but it's also fuzzy. I still want to rip all of Edward's clothes off and lick-oh my God! I _am _high! I whip my arm out and push him as hard as I can.

"You assface! I have orientation in 20 minutes!" I scream at him.

He laughs so hard he grabs his stomach. "Oh fuck, this is gonna be good."

-x-

**Facebook Status:**  
><strong>Jacob Black<strong> _Someone PLEASE tell Mak NOT to buy me leather cowboy boots!_  
>Comments:<br>**Makenna Levine** but they're so cute!  
><strong>Quil Ateara<strong> Whiiiiiipped!  
><strong>Paul Lahote<strong> Get a hat, too!  
><strong>Royce King<strong> Oh, please tell me there are pictures of this.  
><strong>Makenna Levine<strong> you guys are not helping!  
><strong>Leah Clearwater<strong> Hilarious!  
><strong>Makenna Levine<strong> No. It's sexy!  
><strong>Seth Clearwater<strong> LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

* * *

><p><strong>Facebook Status: <strong>

**Chelsea Salvatore**_ Someone is shouting in the room next to me and it's soooo annoying!_  
>Comments:<br>**Tia Kebi** That's Bella and Cullen. They're fighting about something. I'm on the other side of their room, something about brownies?  
><strong>Chelsea Salvatore<strong> OMG! What the heck! She got to bring her boyfriend?! Not fair!  
><strong>Irina Denali<strong> What kind of brownies?  
><strong>Liam Hunter<strong> I swear I just heard someone say weed brownies…  
><strong>Bevin James<strong> WANT!  
><strong>Irina Denali<strong> I'm going to go ask if Cullen's carrying. Come with me, Chelsea.  
><strong>Chelsea Salvatore<strong> No way, Cullen scares me.  
><strong>Kate Stone<strong> Leave them alone you guys geez!  
><strong>Jessica Stanley<strong> I don't care wtf you guys are talking about, get your asses outside in the hall for lineup. It's time to go.

-x-

"God, will you fucking relax, Bella? It's not that big a deal. You act like you've never been high before?" Edward rolls his eyes and opens the door for me to walk out into the hall where people are lining up.

I feel like the floor is moving, like I'm walking on one of those conveyer belts at an airport. My knees shake and my hand flies out to grab onto Edward's bicep. Good God, my hand slips from his arm to his chest slowly, the boy is solid. I want to lick him everywhere.

"Uh, babe?" His head dips so that he can speak into my ear huskily. "You feeling me up in front of all your friends is making my dick har-fuck! Jesus, Bella!" His fingers wrap around my wrist to remove my hand from the front of his pants.

"Edward." I whisper with a pout and press my chest against his as I bring my arms around his neck and pull him closer. My nose trails up the side of his face and my lips kiss his ear. "I'm horny."

"God, I love how you get when you're high." He groans and twists us around so that my back is against the door and he hides us from everyone's view. "You be a good girl and I'll lick your pussy later, yeah?"

_Oh, God._

I shiver and dig my nails into his shoulders. "Let's go now." I reach behind me for the door handle.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Don't you have somewhere to be little girl?" His fingers tease the skin beneath my shirt at my back.

Now it's my turn to groan. "I don't wanna go."

"Well, you should have thought about that before you ate the brownie I was saving for later." He kisses the spot behind my ear that I love so much. "Now you're gonna have to sit through orientation while I wait for you here and rub one out in the shower until you come back."

Errr! Damn it!

"Bella!" Jessica snaps angrily a few feet away. "Get your ass over here and act like you're captain, damn it!"

My eyes widen as I pull away from Edward. "Geez, someone's bossy."

"I'll show you bossy later." He winks and sends me off with a smack to my ass. I should be embarrassed, or feel degraded… fuck that, it just makes me even more hot and bothered.

My legs feel like jelly as I walk down the hall toward the elevators alongside Jessica. My sluggish gaze looks for Kate and as if summoned, she comes up on my left and links arms with me.

"Don't worry," she whispers to me, "Peter and I have had a few brownies in our time. You'll be fine in a couple hours."

"That doesn't help me right now though." I grimace and push my way into the first elevator that slides open. "Snooze you lose suckas!" I laugh at the astonished faces of my squad as the doors roll closed on them.

"You could have fit like five more people in here, Bella." Kate's laugh bounces off the walls of the compact box hurdling toward the ground floor.

My fingers curl into Kate's sweater as I fight the dizzy feeling that comes over me before the elevator finally stops. I blink a few times to clear my foggy awareness then follow Kate as we blend into the crowd of teenage girls in tiny shorts and tops. I look down at my dark grey yoga pants and Edward's black hoodie and wonder if I'm overdressed.

"Bethany is totally giving you the stinkeye right now." Kate snickers into my ear and pulls me toward the front of the line.

I catch a quick glimpse at the captain of Northwood High from Oregon and wrinkle my nose at her fake blonde hair and spandex shorts. She's still bitter that she didn't make the top ten last year - oh and because her boyfriend hit on me… and Rose… and Tia… and… yeah.

"I'm so freaking high right now it's ridiculous. Kate, seriously... It feels like every minute is a new minute…" I lift a hand as if to catch time in the palm of my hand. "Like a completely new dimension where anything could happen."

Kate snickers and yanks me down into a chair toward the back of the room. "Yeah, there's a difference between inhaling smoke and inhaling the actual plant." She pats my shoulder sympathetically. "When was the last time you even smoked?"

I shrug and my body feels so heavy I wonder if my shoulder even moved. "A while ago. Like... months."

I mentally calculate how long it's been but lose focus the instant someone walks by with a bag of Flamin' Hot Funyuns. Oh, dear lord. They look so delicious! I have half a mind to jump up and snatch them right out of her hand. I don't realize that I had started to lean outside of my row until Kate grabs the back of my sweater and pulls me upright once again.

"Is she going to be all right?" Jessica appears out of thin air and drops into the seat on my left.

"Holy shit!" I shriek and whip my arm out to shove her away from me in a fit of panic. Not knowing my own strength, Jessica slips right off of the chair and hits the floor with a loud thump. She goes down like a feral cat and comes back hissing with sharp claws.

"What the fuck, Bella?!" Jessica roars with a red face and murderous eyes as Kate hops over me to reach for her hand.

"Chill out, it as an accident." Kate switches seats with me in order to keep Jessica from retaliating. "Hey," she looks at me with a smile, "remember that time we got high behind the bleachers with Jasper and Emmett and then had to do the pep rally? Oh my God and the speech!"

"The speech!" I holler as the memory comes to me. "Rosalie went blank halfway through and I had tried to step in and finish it but I couldn't stop laughing and eventually they just turned off the mic!"

Kate grabs her stomach from laughing so hard. "Oh my God, I thought Ruby was going to murder you two after that! Her entire face turned redder than her hair!"

"I wish Rose could be here." Jessica pipes in with a wistful look on her face. "She'd be a total bitch, but it just doesn't feel right without her."

I nod my head. "Yeah, but we're pretty kick ass even without her." I remind them.

"Hell yeah!" Kate bumps my shoulder with hers.

We all gaze up front to the stage when someone pats the microphone for our attention. Introductions are made, followed by the long list of sponsors this year. I'm excited to see what's going to be in our goodie bags after all of this talking mumbo-jumbo.

I wonder what Edward is doing right now. I'm tempted to pull out my phone and text him, but I'm not that far gone. I don't want my property confiscated thank you very much. But the image of Edward in the shower is imprinted in my mind at this very moment. I can almost hear the water, I can almost feel his fingers on my skin and his mouth on my-"Fuck!" I scream when a hand slaps down on my shoulder from behind.

Several girls whirl around to stare at me and I feel my face warm up. Kate scolds Bevin for purposely scaring me when she knew I was lost inside my head. She won't stop laughing into her sweater and as soon as my heart rate beats back to normal I am so going to kick her ass. Damn them all for fucking me with right now. They can't stop laughing and they sound like hyenas.

"Get it together, Bella!" Jessica leans over Kate's lap and hisses at me. "If anyone but us find out you're flying high we're all screwed."

"I'm sor-RY!" I yelp out the end of my apology when Tia punches my side from behind my chair. But her prank backfired because it was hard enough to cause my ass to jump up out of my seat. Suddenly the entire room is staring at me and I start to panic.

"Uhh," I force a small laugh and look around the room. I mentally channel Sandra Bullock from Miss Congeniality and throw my hands up. "I'm just so damn excited!"

Kate and Jessica jump up followed by the rest of our squad and soon the whole room is up out of their seats cheering and clapping. Holy shit, that was a close one. Edward is so dead.

-x-

"I already said I was sorry, babe. Calm down." Edward's arms wrap around my shoulders and we drop backward onto the bed with me on top. "You're lucky your squad saved your ass."

I wiggle around so I can place my hands on his chest and stare down at him. "It was still embarrassing." I pout and Edward lifts his head to capture my lips with his. "I think you should do something to prove you're really sorry."

I feel him grin against my mouth. "That can be arranged." His hands slide down my back to cup my ass and I rub against him to make him moan just before his tongue slides between my lips. "Fuck, baby, keep doing that."

I whimper and draw my thighs open until I feel him against against my clit. I'm so glad I'm in tights and he's in sweats, I can feel everything and it's amazing. His hands glide up the back of my shirt and soon it's flying across the room along with my bra. His lips wrap around one tight bud and suck hard, his teeth teasing. I rub against him harder and hug his face into my breasts.

"Edward," I whisper his name and shiver as he takes my other nipple into his hot mouth. He pulls away with a pop and pulls my face closer to attack my lips, his tongue delving in and curling around mine, sucking it hard as his fingers slide into my hair and grip the base of my neck.

"I need to be inside you, babe." He growls and we frantically begin to pull each other's clothes off until we're both naked and he's on top of me. He pauses, his nose nuzzling mine, "I love you, Bella," he whispers, one hand slides between us to bring him to my entrance where he enters me achingly slow.

I gasp and groan as he pushes in an inch and pulls out, pushes back in two inches and pulls out. His breath is hot against my throat, my fingers dig into his back and my feet press into his butt to urge him further inside. His teeth scrape my skin and then he drives into me to the hilt. My eyes widen and my mouth falls open with his name on my lips. I shiver and my pussy pulses around his cock in welcome.

"Oh fuck, baby. So good." His words spur me on and my hips lift to meet his thrusts. He rolls and I'm on top, hunched over him so that we can stare into each others eyes. My arms around his neck, his curled through mine with his palms flat against the backs of my shoulders.

I start to feel the pressure build higher and higher, I clench my eyes shut and fall forward so that my face is pressed to the side of his neck. He ups his pace and takes over from the bottom, driving up into me fast and hard so that the only sounds in the room are of our harsh breaths and the slap of skin.

"Oh, God. Edward!" I mewl and cry into his shoulder. His pelvis slaps against my clit and his cock hits that perfect spot inside of me, the one that makes my ears ring and my muscles tighten.

"Fuck. Oh, fuck." He swings us around and my back hits the pillows, he sits back on his knees and yanks me by my hips and guides himself back into me, using my waist as an anchor to fuck me hard and frantic.

"Ah!" I shout when his thumb presses against my clit.

"Come on, baby. Give it to me, Bella. I need it, baby, come on." He urges me to come and I can feel myself growing closer and closer to orgasm. "You're pussy is so tight, Bella. I fucking love it, can be in it all day. Ah, fuck! I need you to come. I'm gonna come, come on, baby."

Knowing he's so close encourages me to the end and I'm crying out, "Edward! I'm coming, oh!" My nails dig into his biceps and just before I let go I reach out to yank his head forward to meet my waiting lips. He pistons into me one, two more times I scream as my release hits me suddenly and powerfully. My body lights up and every cell buzzes as if electrocuted.

I tremble beneath him, my breath caught in my throat as I watch him find his own release. His jaw tightens and his forehead presses into mine, his lips open as he mouths my name and empties inside of me. I feel every pulse, every twitch of his cock, it makes my stomach clench and my hips lift involuntarily as small aftershocks hit me fast and hard.

"Shit," he laughs into my shoulder, "that was…" he's breathless, his chest heaving against my breasts.

My hand lifts his chin so that I can kiss him again, his arms circle my body and I feel safe and loved and it's a wonderful feeling. I feel so close to him in these moments, I don't ever want to let him go. From the way his embrace pulls me in I know he feels the same way.

"I'm all sweaty." I smile into his hair.

His shoulders shake with laughter. "Give me a few minutes and I'll wash you in the tub."

"Oh, the tub. I believe you had plans for me in there?" I tease him.

His lips press to the tops of my breasts. "I have many plans for you tonight, Bella."

-x-

My face still feels tingly the next morning from the fifth scrub wash I had in the past hour. We're meeting Edward's mother today and I don't want to look like a two cent hooker. So far I've applied and reapplied my makeup at least four times. I started with eyeliner and blush, followed by a simple light pink gloss over my lips. But when I walked outside the bathroom and Edward paused to look me over with eyes that made me shiver lustfully, I spun around around and washed my face. The second time I walked out with just mascara and Chapstick, but when Edward looked me over and said, "Are you gonna get ready or what?" and motioned at my face, I went back into my bat cave—aka the bathroom.

My third attempt made me look like a drag queen and I didn't even bother walking outside the bathroom. But now, I think I'm really ready. Taking one last look at myself in the mirror I decide to slick on one more coat of mascara before I walk out the door. My hands shake as I slide my hands down the front of my simple pale blue sundress, I don't know why _I'm _so nervous. Edward looks cool as a cucumber in a white polo shirt and pressed khaki pants. He looks like a total prep, which is what I'm pretty sure he was going for. Just seeing him change himself for this meeting makes my stomach twist into tighter knots.

How can he be so cavalier? Isn't he the least bit worried to find out why his mother has been MIA all this time? Because in _my _mind, I cannot find one single justifiable reason to leave a child behind. Mental illness aside, I don't get how Edward is so willing to meet up with her. She's obviously done well for herself _without _Edward, meaning she had a chance to go back for him. It pisses me off.

Well, at least I'm not nervous anymore. Now I'm irritable. Grr.

Forty-five minutes into the drive, Edward reaches over to take my hand. "Babe," he pops my chin gently, "Don't worry so much, yeah?"

I stare forward so he can't see the doubt written all over my face. I can feel it crawling over my skin like ants. It makes me itchy and now I'm twitching like I have turrets. I roll down my window for fresh air and look around the ritzy neighborhood we've entered. Green lawns with colorful flowers line pathways leading up to immaculate houses.

I looked Edward's mom up online, she runs her business at home in a guest house behind her home. A guest house Edward could be living in. Would we have ever met at all if his mother had decided to take him along with her? The pull I feel for Edward is so powerful, there can be no way in hell we wouldn't have at least crossed each other's paths at some point in our lives. It's like Edward always says, it's fate.

The further in we drive a large brick structure come into view with the name _Kingswood Park_ carved in gold script. We eventually stop at a large black gate with a security both out front. Elizabeth had already warned Edward that he would have to pass through security before their meeting. Due to this, Edward had to get a fake ID in Royce's name. It's disturbing to imagine Edward as Royce in any way, shape or form.

"Well, that was different." Edward mutters as he moves forward past the gates.

"What was?" I ask looking behind us to see the gates slowly closing.

Edward's shoulder lifts. "Never been past a gate I didn't hop."

I bite my lip to keep from laughing at the irony of his statement. He's changed so much since we first met. I take his hand and pull it into my lap while I gently link our fingers together and sigh deeply. The closer we get to her street Edward's grip begins to tense. I watch the numbers on the houses as we pass by and hold my breath as we come to a slow stop in front of a beautiful two story home. It looks like it was straight from a "Home & Garden" magazine. Perfect landscaping with bright green grass and professional lawn stripes across the whole front yard.

"Wow," I whisper in shock. The house is easily worth over a million dollars, especially with it's exquisite brick foundation and colonial design. I can only imagine what kind of expensive vehicles lie within the three car garage.

"Come on, I don't want to be late." Edward mutters as he slips outside of the car. I turn in my seat to see a grim look on his face and I can't help but wonder if he's having second thoughts.

We walk attentively up the smooth paved driveway towards a flowery path with flat stones leading the way toward the side of the house. There is a large sign made from oak with the business name carved in elegant script. It looks handmade, I wonder if her husband made it for her or if she had it custom made.

Edward pauses a few feet from the entrance and tugs my hand back. "Wait." He replies hesitantly with slightly sweaty palms. "Maybe we shouldn't do this."

My heart breaks for him. I pull him a step toward me and circle my arms around his waist. "Hey," I shake him, "look at me."

His eyes dart from the sign behind me to my face and I watch his tongue slip out to coat his bottom lip. I lift a hand and press it to his chest where I feel his heart pounding rapidly.

I take his face in my hands and lift up to press my lips to his. "Whatever you decide, I'm with you. Okay? You're not doing this alone. I'm right here, baby." I kiss him again and pull away for him to make his decision.

"I know you think this is a shitty idea." His resigned tone makes me pull his hand to my mouth so that I can kiss his knuckles. "But I… I just need to know. I need to know why she never came back for me." He takes a shaky breath and we take the three steps up to the door.

I look at him and with his nod I press the doorbell.

The woman who answers the door is beyond beautiful and classy looking. I can instantly see the resemblance between this woman and Edward. If her green eyes and auburn hair didn't give her away, than her sharp cheekbones and jawline definitely would—and I'd know those full lips anywhere.

"Hello! You must be Royce and Bella King, correct? I'm so excited to meet you!" She leans forward and takes each out hands in a firm grip.

Her black Jimmy Choos make her appear even taller than Rosalie. Moving up I see her cream colored wrap dress is accentuated with a thin gold belt and bangle bracelets. She's elegant and soft, slim and coordinated.

"My goodness," she blinks down at the two of us, "you look…" she blinks again in hesitation. "S-so young. Are you first year college students? Please, come inside!" She beckons us through the door while talking a mile a minute about her first two clients that day. All while texting something on her phone at warped speed.

Her first clients were a couple from California who recently moved to Seattle for jobs in the city. They wanted her to design their apartment to remind them of home. She blurted something about beach sand and rural furniture and went on to tell us about the second client, an eccentric woman who was here before us. I stopped listening after she began to tell us about the woman's divorce history.

"So, what are you two looking for in terms of a budget?" Elizabeth ushers us to take the two comfy looking brown leather seats in front of her large and glossy mahogany desk. She pulls open a black binder and clicks a pen before she's poised to start her notes. Her large green eyes dart over to Edward and quickly down at the desk before she takes a deep breath and looks at him again wearily.

My stomach starts to knot up at the way she keeps avoiding direct eye contact with Edward. Only people who feel guilty, have some sort of social disorder, or autism have eyes like those. Ones that look everywhere but at the person in front of them.

Her phone buzzes on top of the desk and startles her enough to lose grip of the pen in her hand. It drops to the ground and she's so quick to check her incoming text she doesn't even bother to pick up the fallen comrade. We sit in silence while the sound of it rolling beneath the desk keeps us captivated. Only when it finally smacks against my foot do I exhale the breath I've been unintentionally holding.

"Uh," she looks up at us and forces a laugh, "I'm so sorry. I've been waiting for this client to get back to me all week. This will take just a moment." She presses a few more buttons and brings the device up to her ear as she brushes past us out the door.

At the sound of the door clicking closed behind her, I swing around in my seat to face Edward. "Holy shit, she knows its you." I whisper in shock and lean closer to my Greek statue of a boyfriend. "Babe," I snap my fingers in front of his nose. "Edward!"

He flinches and blinks a few times before he regains his focus. "What?"

"Are you okay?" I ask as I search his face for any signs of distress. He's completely without emotion, a blank canvas. "Hey," I touch his arm, "do you want to leave?"

He swallows and shakes his head. "No. I'm fine."

He's anything but _fine_.

I stand up from my chair and move to the door. "I'm going to—"

His hand whips out to grasp onto my wrist. "Where are you going?" The panic in his voice causes alarms to go off inside my head. Edward doesn't panic, not like this. He gets angry, not panicked.

"Relax." I gently pull away. "I'll be right back, I'm just going to see what's taking so long."

"Isn't it obvious?" His hoarse voice is full of resignation. "She wants me gone, Bella." He starts to stand.

"Don't you dare." I push him back down into his seat. "You don't know that. She could really be talking to a client. We've come all this way. Don't react until you know all the facts, okay? I'll be right back. Stay here, Edward. _Please_."

I don't give him a chance to answer before I'm out the door and walking down the hall toward the front of the office. Harsh whispering fills my ears and I pause when I see her pacing back and forth in front of the empty reception desk.

"How could you let this happen, Aro?" Her voice is breathless and broken. "We had a deal and now he's sitting in my office with some girl!"

I gasp and cover my mouth, praying she hasn't heard me then I quickly press my back to the wall behind a potted palm tree and two waves of flowers. The smell is overwhelming but I need to hear the rest of this conversation.

"I can't handle this right now, Aro… I told you that I would see him when I was ready. I'm going to have to call in an emergency meeting with my therapist because of this. I'm… I'm completely freaking out. He looks like me, Aro! He looks just like me!" She starts to cry. "You promised me this wouldn't happen. You promised!"

I can't hear but a slightly broken up mumble of what Aro says in response, but whatever he said seems to upset her more. "No, I don't need you to come and get him… yes… no… I don't know…" she continues to pace back and forth at a fast speed. "He carries himself with the same confidence as you, Aro. He even has your strong jaw and perfect lips…"

I cannot handle this anymore. I start to make sounds as if I'm coming down the hall and right as I round the wall that separates us she hangs up. She stands with her back to me a hand rubbing at her face, I know she's cleaning up as much as she can before she turns around.

"I'll be right there, dear." Her posture straightens once again into the confident women who opened the door fifteen minutes ago. When she finally faces me its as if she was never crying just two minutes before. Yes, her eyes are slightly red and a little puffy, but her makeup is still intact and her whole demeanor is back to normal. How the hell can one turn off their emotions like that?

Then it hits me. This is exactly how Edward is. Up and down. Happy and sad. Crazy and rational. It hits me like a freight train.

"Could…" I lick dry lips and clear my throat. "Could he have it too?"

Her eyes water but her face remains blank. "I have no idea what you're talking about, dear. Let's go back and discuss your condo, shall we?"

"Stop." I hold a hand out. "You know why we're here. I know you were talking to Aro. Just tell me if it's hereditary. What you have, you're… illness." I grimace.

"Up like he's high on something or down like his dog just died?" She says matter of fact.

I nod. "It's not as bad as it used to be… but, yes."

"That's because of you." She steps forward. "You ground him like my husband, Roger, grounds me… like… Aro." Her bottom lip trembles. "I know you must think of me as a horrible mother, but I was a danger to Edward and to myself. I was so unhappy, I swallowed a handful of pills that day I left and Aro had to take me to the hospital. He made me swear to get help, he called my parents and they took me back. But they wouldn't take Edward."

I scowl at her. "So that makes it okay?"

"No!" She shouts and presses a hand to her mouth. "No," she whispers softly. "His father promised to take care of Edward while I was away. It was always my intention to get him back when I was stable. But it took nearly a year to get better and then I met Roger and he's so wonderful—but he's traditional. He would never accept that I had a child before him. So I lied." Her face crumbles. "I lied and I was so guilty afterward that I planned to tell him the truth. I swear it, I was going to bring Edward home even if I had to do it alone. But then I found out… and then Aro told me Edward was doing so well, he was happy and if I took him now I would be taking him from the only family he knew."

"So you signed him away to Carlisle." I shook my head. "He was a teenager by then, Elizabeth. You waited way too long."

She shakes her head and presses a hand to her foreheads as if she has a headache. "I can't handle this. No, I _can_. I can do this. Yes." She says to herself and faces me once again. "Things were complicated. There are conditions and set agreements at stake. My parents are not good people and he promised to care of Edward. His father said—"

"_Father_?" Edward barrels out of the hallway with hands fisted at his sides. "You mean the _father _that left me behind? The one who left a six-pack of beer on the coffee table and twenty bucks? I lived in that trailer _alone _for _months_ until the landlord called child services on my ass!"

Elizabeth stares at him in astonishment, "That can't be true. Your father promised me, I sent him checks! He said you had your own apartment and—"

"_Who_ said?!" Edward screams.

"Aro! Your _father_!" She yells back at him with a tear running down her face.

The room falls deathly silent as this news sinks in.

"Excuse me?" Edward falls back a step and I quickly move to side for support.

Elizabeth's fingers dive into her hair nervously. "No. No, no, no—don't act like you don't know the truth. He sent me monthly reports and said everything was taken care of!"

"Does getting bounced around the foster system count as taken care of to you? Who the fuck _are _you? This whole time I thought… I mean…" he shakes his head incredulous. "I thought you were looking for me."

Her eyes tear up once again. "I did the best I could with the situation I was handed. Your file said some young counselor took custody of you. Aro approached him shortly after and set up a monthly payment. Who did you think was paying for your rent and bills, Edward? Certainly not the state and especially not in such a place as where you stay."

"And that makes abandoning me okay?"he laughs bitterly. "Wow," he looks down and shakes his head with a mocking smile, "you know you're a real piece of shit when your own mother doesn't want you."

"Hey," I pull his face to mine. "That's not true. _I _want you. _I _love you. Fuck her." I point at her with disgust. "She's trash and she knows it. It's why she's pretending to be this perfect person. Her own _husband_ doesn't even know her!"

Elizabeth cringes with each accusation.

Edward's eyes meet my own and his face hardens to the very one I used to run from. "I want to go now." He tells me. "We're leaving."

Just then the sound of feet running towards the door followed by, "Mommy! Mommy!" breaks our thoughts and Elizabeth freezes. Edward freezes.

I lose my breath.

Little fists hit against the front door. Followed by a male voice who is obviously her husband, "You with a client, honey?"

Elizabeth shouts, "Uh, I-I—yes! Wait for me at the house, darling. Shelby left a box of cookies for the boys."

Edward curses and charges forward to look out the window, "I have brothers?"

Elizabeth looks over at Edward fearfully. "Please," she whispers, "just go. They don't know about you. I'm so sorry. No one knows about you, _please._" She begs him.

"You. _Bitch_." My mouth falls open in pure astonishment. She has a lot of damn nerve to ask him this. I surge forward to confront her but am pulled back into Edward's arms. "You really are something lady!"

Her husband sees the commotion and barges into the office, "What the hell is going on here? How dare you yell at my wife." He's quick to coddle her as if she is a fragile child.

"Roger," her shoulders sag as she breaks down into his arms, "please make them go. They came in here yelling at me and I don't even know why!"

Holy shit this lady is her own brand of crazy.

"You don't know?" I laugh at her. "Why don't you check her call history, _Roger_. You'll see she's been calling Aro Volturi to talk about the child they had that is standing right here!" I point to Edward. "The one you abandoned for your new perfect life while he grew up in group homes thinking you were looking for him!" I start to get worked up and my voice breaks, Edward pulls me around to face him looking calm as ever. "Baby, calm down. It's okay."

"How is any of this okay?" I ask but am shoved aside by Elizabeth whose nails dig into my arm like claws.

"Get out!" She screams. "Get out of my _life!_ You ruined my life once and I'll be damned if you do it again! Consider my debt paid in full and pay for your own damn rent and food. If I'm so _horrible _then leave here and never come back!"

That's when Edward finally snaps.

"Fine!" He roars into her face and she flinches and stumbles backward in fright. "I never needed you anyway! I lived seven _years _without your help! Fuck you and fuck your money. I've only lived in that apartment for 18 months anyway!" His arm swings out in a wave that accidentally knocks down a vase of flowers.

"Get out or I'll call the police!" She screams and suddenly Edward is thrown up against the wall by Roger who threatens Edward and I wait for the bomb to explode.

"Edward, don't." I attempt to get through to him before it's too late, but I see those green eyes go black as he loses himself to monster I was so sure I'd never see again.

"Get off me!" Edward growls and shoves Roger away just far enough for his fist to collide with his jaw and Roger goes down like a twig. Of course, this isn't to Edward's satisfaction and he pulls Roger up by the front of his shirt to hit him again. And again. And Again.

Elizabeth cries out and I intervene to keep her away so that she doesn't get hit while trying to break them up. My eyes search for the kids and my heart stops at the fearful looks on their faces.

"Edward!" I scream for him. "Edward, please stop!" I run and throw myself onto his back, "Baby, please. The kids. Your _brothers_! They are right there." I say into his ear and motion to the two crying boys who look no older than four or five.

His body instantly tenses up before he drops Roger and his face falls in shame. "Oh, my God." He whispers as I slide down to my feet. He looks as if he's about to be sick as he backs away from Roger and looks down at his bloody hands. "Oh, fuck." He utters as if he's just come out of a dream only to realize it's reality.

I grab his face in my hands. "It's okay, We're leaving. Screw these people, they mean nothing. Look at me." I try to force his gaze away from the kids but fail. He pushes me away and pauses at the door. "I'm so sorry. I'm… fuck, I never should have come here." His fingers dive into his hair and he rushes past them toward the car.

I wipe away tears and look down at Elizabeth who is on her phone with the police while hovering over a groaning Roger. I quickly rush over and grab her phone. "Oh, my gosh. Everything is fine. My mom was overreacting. She's off her meds and she's hallucinating again. You can check her records," I pause to glare at her, "they'll tell you how crazy she actually is. Yes, I'm so sorry for all this. No, we're fine. Thank you." I hang up and toss her phone down the hall so that it's out of reach.

"How dare you!" She scoffs but it's half hearted, she knows this could have all been avoided. "Just leave. I don't want to see you or that boy ever again!"

I blink down at Elizabeth in disgust. "How can you be so cruel? Do you have any idea how long he's been waiting for this day? How can you give birth to a child and leave them behind like that? How fucked up can you be?"

Elizabeth shakily tries to sit up straighter. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

"You're disgusting and I feel sorry for anyone who believes your lies. I just wish I could inflict on you even a fraction of the pain you've caused for Edward." I step over Roger to get to the door.

"I was you once, you know." She calls after me. "If you're smart you'll put him and La Push in your rearview mirror and never look back. You're young and naïve and you think love is all that matters." I look at her as she shakes her head with a laugh. "I wish I had someone tell me at your age what I'm telling you. Masen men are like quicksand. Don't let him take you down with him."

"Thanks for the advice, Mother Dearest. We both know what a stupendous role model you are. And don't you mean Volturi?" I correct her in reference to Aro.

She wipes at her face. "Volturi is a name he uses for business. He's a Masen."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing Edward's not a Masen. He's a _Cullen_." I leave without a backward glance.

-x-

Edward is leaned against the side of the house with his head in his hands when I find him. I say nothing and set my hand on his shoulder so she knows I'm here. He sighs deeply and when I pull at his arm he gets up and we walk to the car together. He is silent, staring straight ahead, eyes red and watery with the threat of tears. Shame is written all over his face and he trembles from the anger being held inside of him.

"C'mon, baby." I lead him to the car on the passenger side and dig into his side pocket for his keys. He doesn't protest, he doesn't speak or hesitate. He does _nothing _but whatever I make him do_._

But the number one reason I know he's not okay is the very fact that he's about to let me drive his car. His precious baby. Lord, I hope I don't stall the engine or crash into anything. His silence is deafening as we pull away from the house. No radio. Windows down.

It's only us and the sound of the tread on his tires rolling over newly paved side streets. Twenty minutes later it's still awkwardly quiet. I don't know what to do. I'm terrified to talk, what if he blows up? I can't just sit here though, it's not who I am. I need to comfort him. I need to… I need to call Royce. I reach into my back pocket for my phone when Edward finally speaks.

"Pull over." He mutters just before we get on the highway.

I slow as we begin to cross over a bridge that leads to the highway, but I don't stop. Is he serious? Where the hell does he expect me to pull over? We're about to get on the _highway_.

"Pull the fuck over, Isabella!" He slams a hand down onto the dashboard.

I scream when his hand darts out to the wheel and we swerve off the road. My heart is in my throat as terror seizes my body. I can barely catch my breath when we finally come to a stop and he pushes his door open and stumbles a few steps to the bridge railing. I watch as he bends over with heaving shoulders and sweat dripping down his face. Is he having a panic attack? I grab a bottle of water from my bag in the back seat and walk out to him.

"Edward." I say his name as I approach slowly, hesitant to set him off again. It feels like we've gone back in time. Back when I didn't know what I could and couldn't say before he'd flip out.

"Give me a minute." He says without turning around.

I stop and look down at the water bottle in my hands. I don't like unpredictable Edward, especially a quiet one. He never pushes me away. I make everything better, right? That's what he said before. So how come he's over there and I'm right here? We're both quiet for a few minutes, I stare at Edward and he stares out at nothing. I can see he's lost inside his head. It's starting to get closer and closer to the competition time, but I'm so not about to say that right now. I still have three hours, we'll be back by then. I hope.

His head drops and his shoulders slump. "Bella," he says my name like he's praying for me to fix everything.

I quickly close the gap between us and throw my around him from behind. I can feel him shaking and force him to turn around so I can see his face. _Devastated_. It's the only word that comes to mind when I look into his red rimmed eyes and clenched jaw.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I whisper and he crumbles instantly, his face diving into the crook of my neck, hands gripping my sides firm while his body shudders from holding in his pain. "Yell. Scream. Cry…" I tell him. "I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

"Fuck, Bella." His voice breaks and soon I feel the cool drops of tears on my skin. My arms tighten around him as he curses over and over into my shoulder. His voice grows louder the angrier he gets, but he never outright says the words 'mom' or 'Elizabeth.'

After a while he pulls back and turns his face away so that I cannot see him wipe at his eyes. There are some women who melt at the sight of man who cries, some think it's weak, but me? I know my boyfriend, and I've seen him angry, sad, happy... but this? This is something else completely. So when I watch his hand make a quick pass across his face, I feel something inside of me break.

"I love you." I feel the need to remind him of this.

He nods his head and reaches behind himself for my hand. "I know you do." He pulls me closer and turns to kiss my lips. When he draws back he pauses and stares at my collar, a deep frown rakes over before he says, "Give me that." He reaches for my necklace.

I push him away from instinct and shake my head. "No. Stop it."

"Take it off." He replies calmly, but it's a threat all the same.

I take a step back and shake my head again. "No. You gave this to me. It's mine, it's a special part of you that only I have." I try to explain the significance of his gift.

"Give me the _fucking _necklace, Bella." He growls. "I don't want to look at it ever again and I don't want it touching you!" He shouts. "Take it off or I will rip it off myself. Your choice."

Slowly, I remove my necklace and slip the pendant off the chain. "Here." I hand it over and suck in a deep breath to hold back the tears that want to spill over. I know he's going to regret this later, but I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing myself if I were him. To me it means I've had his heart since childhood, but to him, it's a part of Elizabeth.

So when he pulls back his arm and flings it forward, I close my eyes while it sails over the bridge and into the ravine below. I don't hear it when it hits the water, we're too far up, but I feel it. I feel the last part of the old Edward, the one with auburn hair and freckles and a boyish grin, as it sinks and drowns. It scares me because I don't really know what this means exactly. What happens now? I know Edward, I _know_ him. He's going to close down and I don't know how long until we make our way back from it.

I gulp and run my fingers under my eyes to rub away my smudged mascara. I leave him on the bridge and make my way back to the car. Only this time I sit in the passenger seat, it's because I know him so well. I know he's going to come back and act like everything is fine. We'll both know it's a lie.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes, as the driver's side door slams shut. "I lost my shit. I'm okay now." He starts the car.

I nod my head and say nothing. I can literally feel those steels walls of his fall right back into place. He speeds over the bridge and onto the highway without a single word said all the way back to the hotel.

Not once does he take my hand.

-x-

_If any word that I said_

_Could have made you forget_

_I'd have given you them all_

_But it was all in your head_

_And we're burning all the bridges now_

_Watching them go up in flames_

_No way to build them up again_

_Now we're burning all the bridges now_

_'Cause it was sink or swim and I went down, down, down_

-x-

**AN:** This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song **Bridges by Broods.**

I can't even say how sorry I am for how long this took, and the fact that it's not Beta'd. I just wanted to get it out. I can't say how long until I update again, it's hard to update with the things life throws at me. But I'll still try.

Thank you to **MariahajilE** and **IreenH** for your help in the early stages of this chapter.

I will never pull TSB unless FF does. If this happens, I also post at: **theslowestburn. wordpress. com**

My username for anything is always: Typokween

Don't forget to visit **swansbookstore. blogspot. com** for Twilight fic recs & more!


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